The Wrestling News Experience: 04.30.07
Posted by Stephen Randle on 04.30.2007
A non-wrestler holding a World title? Which federation IS Russo booking, anyway?
Good morning everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, fresh off working 20 hours in two days, then getting up at 6 in the morning to help someone move. On my day off. I'd complain, but it seems like I really bring it upon myself.
I'd add more witty banter, but I'm so tired that I don't feel like wasting it on my introduction. I've hidden it somewhere within the report, so don't go thinking you can just skim and you'll get the funny part! That's right, I know.
Moving on.
PPV In Review - WWE Backlash 2007
Larry overcame the forces of evil self-destructing technology to post the live recap.
The Hardys defeated Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch to retain the World Tag Team titles
Nothing new to see here, Cade and Murdoch aren't ready to hold the titles again, and there's really no tag teams to challenge the Hardys' dominance at this point.
Melina defeated Mickie James to retain the Women's title
Have to say, if a non-wrestler has to hold the belt (apparently she does), at least she's a decent non-wrestler and not, say, Torrie Wilson or Maria. Still, where do we go from here? Is Nattie Neidhart ready?
You know, who says Nattie's a good wrestler anyway? Wasn't her father the least technically skilled of the entire Hart Foundation?
Chris Benoit defeated MVP to retain the United States title
Wow. Did not expect this, I thought they'd give the ball to MVP after three straight good matches. Of course, I was possibly the only cynic about MVP around, pointing out that all his good matches were with Benoit, while everyone seems to forget the massive stinkers he had with Kane and Undertaker beforehand.
Vince McMahon defeated Bobby Lashley in a 3-on-1 Handicap Match to win the ECW World title
So, if you're going to have Lashley lose anyway, what was the harm in having Umaga take the pinfall? Oh, wait, that wouldn't let Vince give self-congratulatory 20-minute interviews on ECW this week (thus eating up 1/3 of the available TV time for the entire brand). My bad.
Undertaker vs Batista ended in a Draw when neither man answered the 10-count, therefore Undertaker retained the World Heavyweight title
You know, when a good percentage of the 411 staff predicted the exact finish to this match, perhaps the booking of Last Man Standing matches has become a wee bit predictable. Still, hopefully everyone is all set for the Hell in the Cell rematch we all know is coming. The match itself sounded like the usual Taker brawl, right up to the giant stunt bump that has to happen, because no normal human force could ever force Taker to stay down for a ten count.
John Cena pinned Randy Orton (surprise!) in a Fatal Four-Way match to retain the WWE Championship
As good as four-way clusters can get, which isn't high praise, but good enough. And even though Cena won, he was obviously incredibly lucky, and thus you can't complain that it was "another win for Super-Cena" (though people will, because it's what they do). Anyway, this means we get another HBK-Cena match, and who really minds that (once again, people will, because…yeah)?
Overall, what you got were six decent matches, all given substantial amounts of time. So thumbs up in that regard. However, you have to look at what you didn't get: more matches. With the end of single-brand PPV's, you'd think we'd get a couple undercard matches added at some point, just because of the sheer volume of wrestlers available. I realize that now you can stretch out storylines and have different matchups on different PPVs, especially when they start running together in the summer, but still, something about there only being six matches didn't sit right with me.
And now the news.
Around The Horn
Big news this week (well, for those who don't remember the same thing happening last time his contract was nearly up) is that RVD has turned down WWE's latest contract offer, leaving him with a scant…three months of contract negotiations before it expires. Not exactly a "Ryan Smyth at the trade deadline" type of tension, is it?
In response, WWE has decided to centre the booking of ECW around Elijah Burke and CM Punk, apparently in order to get Punk over through their own writing, rather than a fluke crowd reaction.
Steve Austin's movie The Condemned performed slightly below expectations at the box office this weekend, bringing in just over 4 millions dollars, less than both previous WWE Films did on their opening weekends. However, because the film was shot for roughly the price of theatre admission for a family of five (which is more than you think), the film is expected to make a profit, thus justifying further WWE Films. I can't wait for the one starring Funaki and Scotty 2 Hotty as two cops from different backgrounds that are forced to work as partners to break up…oh, let's say an international diamond smuggling operation.
The Memphis Wrestling show featuring Hulk Hogan vs Paul Wight went down this weekend, and perhaps "sampling" Hogan and Wight might be more accurate, as they had a roughly ten-minute match that stole liberally from the Hogan-Andre WrestleMania III match, right down to the finish. The best part? In twenty years, we'll get to hear a 70-something Hogan talking about how he slammed the 900-pound Wight in front of roughly 3 million people, all the while afraid that Wight might not let him do the move.
Oh, and according to Hogan (which, admittedly, is similar to Bush telling us his opinion of the Iraq occupation…man, that was such an easy joke, but I did it anyway. I am not proud), the reason he didn't work WrestleMania 23 was because Vince wouldn't make his the highest-paid wrestler on the show. You know, there are no jokes that could possibly funnier than envisioning how THAT conversation must have gone.
The Angle-Sting match, the first time the two have ever faced in one-on-one competition, drew a…1.0 rating for Impact (and, lest we forget, a zero dollar gate, no advertising money, and no PPV buys), down from the previous week. And it ended in a screwjob, too! Ironically, a year ago this week, I made a joke about TNA becoming more and more like post-boom WCW, but decided not to go down that road. However, it seems like someone did.
WWE's VP of Marketing has resigned from the company to work for the Harlem Globetrotters, presumably not as a player. Who knows, he could have game. Anyway, apparently he was upset with the intense pressure from those above him, and the constant people watching him over his shoulder. I presume he meant figuratively, but you really never know when you're dealing with someone like Vince.
In case you missed it, during the European tour, there was a mix-up that resulted in the Women's title being won by Mickie James at a house show when the finish was botched, then won back by Melina only minutes later in a re-match. WWE, oddly enough, has chosen to recognize the title reign as legitimate. Just keep this in mind for later in the report.
And before I leave this segment, The Rock's next movie, titled "No, It's Still Not The Spy Hunter Movie Yet", will be released in October. You know, sometimes I think he may actually never wrestle again.
Who's Wearing Gold
Yes, it's a new feature, because it's something I've noticed we don't have floating anywhere around 411. That's right, it's a summary of who is holding all the belts in WWE and TNA, just for a quick and handy reference guide for those who forget sometime. And let's face it, it happens to all of us. Sure, belts don't change that often (although they seem to all be changing lately, which prompted this idea), but what the hell, neither does the injury list, and people seem to like it.
So, without any more ado whatsoever, here's a comprehensive list of the title-holders heading into this week:
WWE
WWE Champion: John Cena (defeated Edge at Unforgiven 2006)
World Heavyweight Champion: The Undertaker (defeated Batista at WrestleMania 23)
ECW World Champion: Vince McMahon (defeated Bobby Lashley at Backlash 2007 in a handicap match involving Umaga and Shane McMahon)
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Santino Marella (defeated Umaga on April 16th Raw)
WWE United States Champion: Chris Benoit (defeated Mr. Kennedy on October 13th Smackdown)
World Tag Team Champions: The Hardys (won 10-team battle royal on April 2nd Raw)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Deuce and Domino (defeated Paul London and Brian Kendrick on April 20th Smackdown)
WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Chavo Guerrero (won Cruiserweight Open at No Way Out 2007)
WWE Women's Champion: Melina (defeated Mickie James at an April 24th house show)
TNA
TNA Heavyweight Champion: Christian Cage (defeated Abyss at Final Resolution 2007 in a triple threat match involving Sting)
TNA Tag Team Champions: Team 3-D (defeated LAX at Lockdown 2007)
TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin (defeated Christopher Daniels at Final Resolution 2007)
Okay, it's a work in progress, but I like it so far.
The Injury Bug Bites
Inactive List as of 04.23.07
WWE
- Ashley, SD!, out indefinitely as of April 13 (leg)
- Beth Phoenix, RAW, out indefinitely as of June 6 (jaw)
- Chris Jericho, out indefinitely (kayfabe, fired)
- Hardcore Holly, out 3-4 months as of April 3 (elbow surgery)
- King Booker, out two months as of April 6 (knee surgery)
- Mark Henry, SD!, out 6-8 months as of July 15th (patella)
- Paul Burchill, SD!, out indefinitely as of May 29 (shoulder)
- Rene Dupree, ECW, out indefinitely as of March 2007 (Wellness)
- Rey Mysterio, SD!, out indefinitely as of October 2006 (knee surgery)
- Super Crazy, RAW, out indefinitely as of April 21 (torn MCL)
- Triple H, RAW, out 4-6 months as of January 7 (torn quadriceps)
TNA
- Abyss, TNA, out indefinitely as of April 18 (kayfabe)
- Austin Starr, TNA, out 90 days as of April 18 (suspension)
Transactions
No significant moves.
One Year Ago This Experience
Originally posted 05.01.06, and Backlash was horrible, featuring the forgotten classic that is Vince and Shane vs Shawn Michaels and "God", a match so incredibly stupid, that it destroyed Larry's will to live. Oh, don't worry, he got it back.
And Jim Ross was returning to the Raw announce table, ending the Joey Styles experiment after only a few short months. Mostly this was done to free him up for the ECW brand, but it also allowed him to cut an angry "shoot" promo that ranked as the best promo of 2006 here at 411. I think. I didn't do the awards last year, I forget the results. I can't be aware of everything, you know.
The Wrestling Fan's Experience
This week's Experience is brought to you by Anthony Garland.
---
When I was young, I never watched wrestling, but I knew who Hulk Hogan was, because I went to both the Suburban Commando and Mr.Nanny movies with a church group. So one day my mom was taking me to the dentist, and she knew I was scared, and she knew I loved magazines so we went to the supermarket to buy a few. In the store I seen the most awesome magazine ever, WWF Magaizine, with the Undertaker on the cover. I read that magazine from front to back, and I remember seeing an ad for WWF Superstars, so I checked TV Guide and it was on right before (or After) American Gladiators. So I tuned in, and seen some amazing stuff, 1-2-3 Kid vs. Yokozuna and a ton of promos, and of course the Undertaker was there. I fell in love from that point on.
---
Your turn could be next, if only you send me your best response to one or both of the following statements:
1. Why I am a wrestling fan.
2. How I got into pro wrestling.
It's just that easy, and fun as well. Plus, you get your Experience printed right here, in the best damned Monday news report on the entire Internet. And really, isn't that what it's all about? Get those submissions in, and remember, the next Experience could be yours!
Matthew Alan Roberts, who will be covering my eventual match vs the forces against illegal downloading (I could take Lars), suggests that Christian will return to WWE once he accepts his place there as a midcard comedy heel. I have to disagree, why would Christian leave a place where he gets to have a shot as top heel and multi-time World Champion, with an easier work schedule, in order to go play jobber in WWE? I was unaware that Christopher Daniels was ever under WWE developmental contract, I did know that WCW had him at the end, but if they did, somebody should be fired for letting him slip away.
And Wong Jun Yi has a response to the Backlash roundtable, in that nobody picked Kennedy to turn in his MITB shot after the Taker-Batista match. Personally, I hope he waits a while, like Edge did, instead of using it nearly right away like RVD. Of course, that means I get to spend many months putting together Roundtables where at least one person picks Kennedy to use his title shot and win, but that's the price one pays when one wishes for that particular outcome.
And One To Go On
411 will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 9 pm EDT, courtesy of the (I feel) under-appreciated Arnold Furious, so check it out. That's our show, before we go, we check in with our good friend Larry Csonka, for a look at tomorrow's Your News, My Views. Larry?
*beep* Due to Larry's computer frying this weekend, this is an automated response system. Press 1 to leave a compliment for the awesomeness that is Larry. Press 2 to leave a nasty message for the evil anti-WWE and/or anti-TNA bastard that is Larry. Press 3 for simulated witty banter that may be used for end-of-column filler material.
Um…okay…I was unaware our conversations were over the phone, but…3?
*click* Hello there, 411 writer, how are things?
They're good, Larry. What have you got for us tomorrow?
Why yes, I am better looking than Brad Pitt. Thank you for saying so.
Okay, so we're going with the humourous answering machine gimmick this week? Is this the best we could come up with? I swear, it's like I don't get paid to write this at all.
I find your previous statement to be false and full of inaccuracies. You are truly dumber than JT if you think that to be a correct interpretation of the situation.
I wonder what it says if JT uses it.
I mock your value system, and curse you heartily. I know you stole my bike.
I think that bit's getting old, but if you say so.
Thank you for using Larry's automated system of writer abuse. For quality control and possible revenge, this call may have been recorded without your approval. Sucker. *beep*
Larry Csonka, ladies and gentlemen. He'll be in tomorrow, I'll be back next week.
