Wrestling’s 4R’s 5.11.07: RETRO Sacrifice, MVP Has a Dream, It pays to be Roode, Edge steals a Dream from Kennedy, Punk gets POUNCED and More!
Posted by Larry Csonka on 05.11.2007
An official name change! Are you not, entertained?
The 4R's of wRestling
Introduction~!
Welcome back kids for another edition of Wrestling's 4R's! As always I am Larry Csonka, along with me is my tag team partner "The Whole Geoffin Show" Geoff Eubanks. It is time again for that walk through the wild world of wrestling TV that we take each and every week. We have a lot to discuss with RetRo Sacrifice, Raw, ECW, Impact and Smackdown! Tons of angles, changes and scandal to digest and Geoff and I are here as always to offer up our opinions of the week that was! And yes, since it is the anniversary of the invention of "puRgatoRy" we have decided to make it an official R since we use it so much! Sit back, relax, enjoy the new spiffy banner and let's get to work!
How the 4R's of wRestling Work!
Here is a quick explanation of the 4 R's. I will take the 5 main shows (6 if I go RetRo) of the week: TNA Impact, WWE Raw, ECW on Sci-Fi and WWE Smackdown. If we have a PPV, that show will get a special PPV edition of the R's all to its own. I then group my feelings on the shows in various categories: The Right, PuRgatoRy, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and need discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied or go the wrong way the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles, Diva searches and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come, unless you are TNA. They have a special R all of their own, the 6th R; the Russo-FN-Riffic~!
This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a "mark" column, nor a "smark" column, I cannot speak for Geoff, but my goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. There are also occasions where I will bring out a 4th, 5th or even a 6th R to the column, so beware of those~! I will not apologize for my opinions, they are as they are, whether very positive or negative.
iMpact!:
iMpact 5.03.06:
The Right:
Christian and AJ are great - These men are awesome together. Chest hair jokes, hoodies selling tickets, AJ with loving hugs like the little dog trying to impress the bulldog from the old cartoons. These men are great together and should be paired together for a long, long time.
puRgatory:
3D vs. Rhino and Joe/Daniels - 3D faced off with Joe and Rhino this week, in a non-title match. This really had the makings of a great match, and the 2-minutes or so that we got were really great. Honestly the best part was the Joe vs. Ray section where they went All Japan and just no sold and head dropped each other, and the crowd was INTO this. And then it ended as Daniels ran in. After that, he got his ass kicked by all 4-men and then they celebrated. I suppose this is how they are getting to Daniels vs. Rhino at the PPV, and I suppose that is fine, but really an odd way to do it. In the end, I wanted to see 3D vs. Rhino and Joe more than the triple threat tag match or Rhino vs. Daniels. And when the hell will Daniels FINALLY get into it with Sting, which they have been teasing?
Roode/Young/JJ - This past week on Impact Roode came to the ring to fire Eric Young. From the report: Roode and Brooks are in the ring, and he isn't happy. He hates Young and he will fire him tonight. Traci is sporting a neck brace, nice. He demands Young come to the ring. Cornette is out and says to back up and listen. Cornette told JJ to stay home tonight, because he won't have men beat up women, no matter how deserved. He also says the only people that should be fired are he and his floatation floozie. He stayed out of this, but it has to come to an end. Well, he signed Young when he already had a TNA contract, and breeched it. HE could fire Young, but since he signed the contract with you, that means Roode tampered with TNA contracts. Cornette could take him to court or fire HIM. What he suggests is that Roode needs to drop it and then it is all over. Roode doesn't like that idea and says Cornette should leave. Roode says if he could have done something he already would have, and he will fire Young anyway. Cornette calls him a punk and Roode tosses him down and tells him not to touch him. Young makes his way out to the ring and he and Roode brawl. Young fires up and Young gets a guitar! Roode stops him and DDT's him. Brooks has handcuffs again and they cuff him in the corner. Brooks slaps him repeatedly, and Roode has the guitar. Crowd chants "WE WANT JARRETT" as Roode kills him with the guitar. Security and refs finally come to the ring. Cornette is back in the ring and says if Roode thinks he is a bad man, well he will make his life worse. At Sacrifice Roode will face JJ at Sacrifice. I don't know about you, but that was way more confusing that it needed to be. But the other thing is that the angle doesn't lead to Roode vs. Young blow off match, we get Roode vs. JJ. In a way it is fine, but with the crazy contract explanation it makes no sense. If they were going to do the match, should it not be for JJ to fight for his friend's freedom? That would make more sense. Bless Cornette for trying to make sense of this all, but it came off more complicated than it needed to be.
Ladies Street Fight/Harris is Healed! - I loved this feud. As I said over and over again it was simple. They started as second's for their men. They got physically involved in the tag team matches. It escalated from there as they started to hate each other. Hate turned to physical confrontations. Then it turned to wild brawls through out the Impact zone. Finally it culminated at Lockdown in a CAGE, the way it should. And in the end, the face got the big win and celebration. Perfect. But apparently TNA doesn't know when enough is enough. Jackie hasn't had enough and attacked Gail last week on Impact. I was happy, satisfied and thought it was concluded. A well build feud through simplicity that delivered I thought. But apparently I was wrong, this will go on and I don't think anyone will care after the perceived blow off match at Lockdown. And then they did this street fight, so brutal that it went all of three minutes. Let it die already. The good thing is that Harris made the save and has been HEALED~! He can see without the eye patch, and now looks to be strong for the Texas Death Match.
The wRong:
Sting: Worst baby face ever…or… We couldn't get their easily could we? - Sting and Angle were in the ring to kick off Impact this week. They argued about the events of last week and said that both cost each other a title shot. Sting said he still had his Sacrifice title shot, which I don't know how, and Angle argued. This brought out Christian, and he suggested a match with he and AJ vs. them, and if one of them got a pin or submission, they got the title shot. Sting said bullshit, Angle called him a pussy and he buckled like an idiot. So they have the match, and in the end the pull a double ankle lock on AJ, and he taps, both hands mind you. Cornette then asked the ref which one made him tap, and when there was no determination, Cornette made the title match a triple threat for the NWA Title. So not only is Sting stupid and not only did they over book this, but they added another three way to the PPV, and it is a title match, making all three title matches triple threat matches. And there is a 4-way on the under card. HOORAY GIMMICKS~!
Wacky Backlund -Yeah, wacky Bob is funny, the video is funny, but the fact is that this is doing nothing for the division. With Starr gone, I figure Sabin loses at the PPV and he and Shelley will battle Backlund and maybe Lynn. Sure the match will probably be good, maybe even pretty damn good, but ugh, I don't know. As long as this leads to the MCMG's tagging full time in TNA with a good push that is cool, but for now, the once awesome X-Division, the REASON to watch TNA at times, is a comedy act. And that's the bottom line, because Stone Cold Sharky said so. Shark? This ain't no ocean!
The Ridiculous:
11:40 - We're heading back down hill. It just wasn't to be, they just can't keep it up. Last week they had less time than I like but a well-built show with a great flow, so it was fine. This week was like throwing shit at the wall, no flow and couldn't even hit the time mark. As I have said, I still feel that they need to offer up as close to as much wrestling time as there are commercials. There are 18-20 minutes of commercials per episode of Impact. So hence forth as I have said, I feel that there should be around 15-18-minutes of wrestling action per week, minimum on Impact. The show wasn't even well paced; it was just a show, a show like any other week.
SmackDown!: By: "The Whole Geoffin Show" Geoff Eubanks
SmackDown 5.04.06
I had all this fun stuff set to open the show this week, then I talked to Larry last night, where he informed me of Kennedy's injury and now I'm simply too fucking depressed for it. Seriously, losing The Undertaker and Kennedy in the course of a week is incredibly damaging. Larrold and I discussed the possibility of having talent brought over from Raw to compensate for losing Taker for as long as he'll be out, but, considering Rey, Booker and Mark Henry are all returning soon, we pretty well ruled out that possibility. Now, however…I'd like to get up my hopes for seeing Chris Benoit be moved back up to the main event, but I'm not holding my breath. SIGH. All right, let's do this…
The Right:
Shawn who? Cena what? – Okay, not putting down two of Raw's best, I'm simply remarking upon the fact that we had one HELL of an encounter between Mr. Kennedy and Matt Hardy here tonight! Mah GAWD, I just watched that sucker again for the third time and I'm awestruck once again. Honestly, what this match brought to mind were matches like the Rock/Triple H program back when they were in THE NATION and d-generation-X, respectively. Just hard-fought, balls-to-the-wall midcard excitement that you just KNEW one day was going to end up in the main event…and Matt and Kennedy don't even really have any bad blood between them…they just refused to quit, each with something to prove, Kennedy eager to display why he is Mr. Money In The Bank, Matt out to show he's not just a tag team wrestler, champion though he is.
For those unclear on the concept of telling a story in the ring, this is a fantastic Exhibit "A" (also note how we saw bits of what are seemingly becoming signatures with both men, Kennedy's tight, extended lock-up…tres old school!, and Matt being forced to work with a bad limb). Kennedy's lock up to start was exactly what the lock-up has always supposed to have been, a means of gaining early control of one's opponent, except that, here tonight, Matt refused to acquiesce and a long series of hold/counter/reversal ensued, and not just as a means of the old rest hold, either; these guys cinched that shit tight and truly gave one the sense that they were taking an arm home with them, the way it OUGHT to be! Eventually, of course, as the struggle for dominance hits a stalemate, old school wrestling takes a backseat to good old fashioned violence, the way grandma remembers and the way the good lord intended, leaving Matt with a bum shoulder and Kennedy pouring blood out his schnozz. I'm simplifying for the sake of brevity, of course, but in the end, we were treated to a veritable smorgasbord of spots and finishers, constructed and performed so well, look in the background, out in the crowd as the ref pounds three…people all over the stands were on their feet, so pulled into the contest were they. No run-ins, no ref bumps (although we had a close call!), no Duthty finishes…just a HELL of a match between two guys who could and should be main eventing in two years' time.
Incidentally, before my jeans get all tight in front over this match, I want to inject a bit of reality into the situation. I said a couple weeks ago that Matt Hardy appears to be in a bit of limbo this year, either scoring big time wins over people considered by most to be higher up the ladder than he is himself (no pun intended), or else he's playing the role of resident bitch, working his ass off in the ring to benefit someone else, with little or no middle room. Hopefully, this match will be something of a turning point for him, especially with both Taker and Kennedy out for the better of the remainder of the year. Obviously, people getting injured is never a good thing (unless it's The Boogeyman or Nature's Little Oopsie…then it's FUNNY), but such instance also allows for others lower on the card to step up and fill some shoes, and Matt Hardy has everything he needs to succeed, as I think this match tonight proves. Kennedy, good sir, heal quickly and completely…I shall truly miss you these next six months. Matt, I'm in your corner, buddy, let's kick some ASS!!!
MVP has a dream – No, not one of those wacky Dale Cooper dreams from Twin Peaks…nope, no dancing midgets interrupting MVP's slumber. MVP wants another crack at Chris Benoit's UST and demands such from Teddy Long, threatening to sit out the remainder of his contract if he doesn't get it. What I like about this scenario is that, every time MVP tries to pull his privileged star act, Long reacts with "tough love" and makes him earn that which he (MVP) feels should simply be handed to him. This has been absolutely consistent from the very start and has gone a long way in creating the performer we're seeing MVP become.
The ensuing #1 Contender's match for the Right to face Chris Benoit at Judgment Day for the UST could have sucked white-hot donkey balls, but it most certainly did NOT. Not only did MVP hang with Kane, taking all he could dish out before successfully turning the tables and taking control, he did so in a fashion that brought a little tear to the eye of Mr. Continuity…he targeted a shoulder weakened in recent weeks courtesy of William Regal & Dave Taylor…magnificent! This was played extremely well, as Kane channeled Matt Hardy, attempting to mount a comeback with one arm, and showing exactly how much he can accomplish in such a state. If not for the interference of Regal & Taylor, the former, especially, as he introduced The Big Red Monster to The Power Of The Punch, facilitating MVP's ability to land The Playmaker (I agree with Dunn, MVP needs a new finisher…for a performer who's supposed to reach the heights MVP's expected to hit, he should be able to come up with more than just picking Test's bones) and the shot to face Benoit. Late word says the re-rematch will be a Two-Out-Of-Three falls championship bout, likely the end of the road for this program. I'm SO pleased that McMahonagement took this route to the switch, because MVP has proven himself worthy of wearing the belt and hopefully, his tenure as champion will be an entertaining and fruitful one!
With that flipping ring entrance, Cherry's had her legs in the air almost as much as Missy Hyatt – My GOD, Domino is ugly. Mick Jagger looks at him and says, "JESUS, look at the MOUTH on that bloke…!!!" Give him a tag title, hell, give him a bridle and a sugar cube. My suspicion last week, that being that Deuce is the better wrestler of the two, was proved correct tonight as Domino took on Brian Kendrick in singles action…and, boy, was it ugly and dull when Domino dominated. Thank God this was short-n-sweet with Kendrick handling most of the action, to say nothing of coming out on top. Not only is this a good thing in that a fantastic wrestler like Kendrick SHOULD go over this talentless goombah, this victory also shakes the death grip D&D have had over London & Kendrick, especially considering the manner in which Kendrick dispatched of both champions with one slice of bread (heh heh heh). Will this W be enough to break the curse The Sweat hogs have over our heroes? Only time will tell, true believers…
Also, a kudo or two to London for the masterful selling of his "injury", jogging to the ring instead of the all-out sprint as per usual, as well as the ginger manner in which he rolled into the ring, the camera Right there to catch the pained expression on his face as he rolled onto the taped ribs. London, I've noticed throughout the months, is a walking Hidden Highlight, adding so much to his performances, both in and out of the ring, the mark of someone who really gets it and I, for one, really appreciate that! Well done, Paul!
YEE-HAW! – Not to be confused with Hoo-RAW!, of course. Now, after the Kennedy/Hardy match, anything would be hard-pressed to follow, however, the contest between Gregory Helms and Jimmy Wang Yang (whose entrance music is now available on iTunes…did I mention YEE-HAW!...?) was no slouch! A fun little back-n-forther, the kind one would expect, only with JWY defeating Helms with the most gorgeous moonsault this side of Kid Kash or Christopher Daniels! Thing is, after of WEEKS of bitching over the fact that Helms has not only not been given the opportunity to challenge current CWC Chavo Guerrero for the belt he (Helms) never really lost, but has been all buddy-buddy with Shabbo, tagging with him, what do we have Cole & JBL saying here tonight? "We have yet to see Helms challenge Chavo for the CWT…what a match THAT would be!" Yeah, no shit, Sherlock, I've been wondering where the fuck that match has been for months now. Poor Mr. Continuity is so frustrated he has erectile dysfunction and an irritable bowel over this nonsense. And now that JWY has a clean pin fall victory over both Helms AND Chavo, maybe we'll finally see that triple-threat I've whining about since Sgt. Slaughter was just a PFC. We have Regal & Taylor feuding with Kane & Boogey (for better or worse) and London & Kendrick chasing Joanie Loves Chachi. There's nothing for the team of Chavo & Helms. Break them up and feud them. Say Helms was keeping his friends close and his enemies closer, studying, scouting Chavo as his partner so he'd know his strengths and weaknesses as a manner in which to explain this ill-conceived partnership and get things back on track!
One thing that really milked my teat this week was, once again, Michael Cole when he referred to Helms as a "pound & ground" wrestler. No, Cole Slaw, he's NOT. One of the reasons I hold Helms in such high regard is because he's had virtually his entire move set pruned from him over the years, having to abandon more maneuvers, holds and finishers than lumps like Hogan and Lashley ever knew or will know in their whole miserable careers. We hardly even see the Shining Wizard anymore, and it's been, what a year, at least, since Helms dropped the Hurricane gimmick and the one move he's been allowed to maintain is the Eye of the Hurricane, which we've not bothered to rename since…it's just like old school Vince on commentary, "Oh! What a maneuver!" Sorry, just a frustrated rant that had to happen. Did I mention I'm upset this week? I had to go drop a C at Hollister over lunch to assuage my pain…
The Miz gets Hornswoggled! – This was great! I've been saying for awhile that The Miz is not nearly as bad in the ring as he's discredited for being, and I think tonight's clash with Finlay was my case-in-point. Yes, I know, Finlay is one of those performers who could get the proverbial four stars from a broomstick, but Mike Mizanin held his own and looked good, without Finlay carrying him at all. Like Matt Hardy, Miz is one of those performers who will seemingly get a bit of a rub, only to end up standing in line outside of Teddy Long's office flirting with The Brawler the next week. However, because of The Little Bastard's triumphant (and HILARIOUS!) return here tonight, and his and Finlay's gangbang on The Miz, who took the count-out after The Bastard interfered once too often, it appears as if we'll be seeing more of The Miz in the near future, and in a program against Finlay, which will be an invaluable on-the-clock apprenticeship for the young up-and-comer.
puRgatory :
The Devil's Playground meets Golly heck, YEAH it was worth it! – Sorry, friends, but if you watch the promos back-to-back by Batista and The Undertaker, there's a Grand frickin Canyon between the two in terms of setting a bar and hurtling over it. Now, granted, that's not entirely fair, because Taker's been doing his thing a hell of a lot longer than has Big Dave; however, if you're going to be a champion, the standard-bearer for your brand (or whatever we're calling them these days, things being as they are), you can't go out there and deliver a promo like you're motivating a little league team. And what does it say about Batista that Taker's biceps is rolling up like a disobedient window shade and he's still not going to walk out of that cage with the WT…? My prediction – both Batista and Mark Henry are on the DL by Summerslam.
Boogey fever – I hope it's contagious and fatal, particularly for anyone who feels moved to chant for The Boogeyman. Joy, Little Boogey is back. Hopefully that stomp to the cranium by Dave Taylor will put him down like the sick animal he is. I DID mention I am despondent and full of hate again this week, didn't I…?. Kennedy's off my TV for half a year, but we've got TWO Boogeymen. Was it just me (and, no, it's NOT just me, but I'm attempting a modicum of politeness) or does Boogeyman Grande maneuver the ropes like a retarded basset hound? In the match tonight, William Regal whips him to the corner and he rests himself gently against the buckles as if he had a pocket full of eggs, not night crawlers. To this end, I simply cannot believe that Boogey has what it takes to successfully fend off Regal. I willingly can suspend my disbelief only so far.
However, on the positive side, I'm pleased that we're getting to the point such that we're demystifying what seemed for months to be the "fact" that Boogey is unable to be phased by a right cross to the gob. He's FINALLY selling, which means he's not going to be Mr. Indestructible forever, which means he's going to start losing, which is Right and good.
I am also intrigued about the manner in which McMahonagement is pairing Boogey and Kane. Last week, it appeared as if Kane was amused by Boogey's (shall we call them) antics, but this week, it seemed to me that Boogey could give two shits about the two shits in the ring and didn't make the save so much as take advantage of the opportunity to beat him down some Limey bastards. Although it pains me to see a solid team like Regal & Taylor slumming in this manner, I, as I said, remain intrigued, at least, over the manner in which Kane & Boogey are being put together. We'll see where it goes from there.
BTW, I am SO pleased that JBL called out Michael Cole on that asinine "explanation" over the origin of Boogey's foaming mouth. "That's foam…from the worms, I think." "Worms have foam…?" No, dingbat, Boogey just likes to treat Alka Seltzer like Skoal. Gives him a boost before the match. I swear, Cole Slaw's improved a hell of a lot since his debut ten years ago (can you believe it…a fucking DECADE this guy's been around), but sometimes, he's still as blithering an idiot as he was when Chyna and Rick Rude beat his ass in dX's shower.
Teddy gonna get an assistant so he can get some mo ass – This is the progression of the whole Vickie Guerrero/Kristal Marshall deal, certainly. It wouldn't surprise me if the person whom he hires isn't also secretly in on the deal with Vickie and Kristal, if it doesn't end up being Vickie herself (although I'd bet on the former). I have a feeling this could be big, as in Vickie trying to take over SD!, or at least unseat Thaddeus. And wow, check out that line up outside Long's office. It looked like a low-rent recreation of the Village People. Sgt. Slaughter, The Brooklyn Brawler and The Miz. Of the last two, I'm not sure who's gayer…(although, for the record, The Miz' Myspace profile says he's bi…and, ya know, it's on Myspace, so it HAS to be true.)
The wrong:
Nuttin, honey!
The Ridiculous:
Nope, keep a-goin!
Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: yostankmama@hotmail.com
RAW!:
Raw 5.07.07:
The Right:
"Booking crutch in the case" - And I mean that in a good way. With all of the injury drama that went down, WWE had to pull a trigger and they did so Monday night. It started with Kennedy giving us a reminder of how many days he had until he challenged for the title at WrestleMania. Late he had a meeting with Edge, where Edge declared that Kennedy wasn't the man that he was, because he defended his MITB like a title. Kennedy said all he had to do was ask for it, and he'd get it. And then SCREAMED SO LOUD THAT HE BLEW EDGE'S HAIR BACK IN A MOMENT OF GLORY~! Mr. Kennedy is the MAN. So they went to have the match and like the asshole heel Edge is, he jumped Kennedy as he made his entrance. He continued to beat him down before the bell, and the ref finally stopped it. Kennedy was in the ring, and the ref continually told him he didn't have to do the match, but Kennedy manned the FUCK up and said, "RING…THE BELL!" He charged Edge, ate a spear, and got pinned. THIS…WAS…GLORIOUS. Glorious because they had to do it and Edge is the guy, glorious because they did this so well that Kennedy looks like a bad ass, ala Austin at WM 13 in a way, and when he comes back he will be FUCKING HOT. While Austin connected with the everyday man back in the day, Kennedy connects with the younger crowd today. That Dane Cook, cocky, loud, asshole frat boy deal that is what the kids like. When he comes back, it will be great times.
HBK works some magic - As much as I was not excited for the match, a small art of me was really looking forward to this. HBK has worked magic before, and I think that he wanted to be Flair working Giant Gonzalez in this match. The match started off well with HBK running wild, chair shot and looking for the sweet chin music. But Khali blocked it and started to beat down HBK. HBK eventually got a guillotine choke and pulled Khali to the floor, ad looked to put him through a table. But the monster blocked it and delivered a tree slam through the announce table, and the ref called off the match right there. HBK worked some magic, the match didn't suck, and Khali didn't pin him. In the end, it works out very well and I can't complain all the much.
puRgatory:
Ladies Tag - We had another ladies tag this week on Raw, and it was fine. Candace is still improving, although that round kick needs a lot of work. The four worked well together, and that is what is important. Candace got the win again this week, and I suppose they are looking to give her e title shot. They really have no one else, but since the shows are tri-branded now, they really need to get Jillian and Trinity involved, as well as some of the other ladies in developmental, as the division is stagnant.
The Hardy's/WGTT/The Dervish - The Hardy's faced off with TWGTT this week on Raw. It was a fine match for what it was, but the sad part of it all is that TWGTT as I have said before are nothing but a job team. They really could be doing so much more, and really, should be. But they are being wasted and jobbing left and right. So it was what it was, and the Dervish was awesome on commentary again, showing a ton of personality. The good part is that they are keeping the feud between the Hardy's vs. the Dervish going well. The Cowboys are playing mind games, which will lead to them being HEELISH in the end, which will piss off the crowd and actually make them care about the feud. The Backlash match was a good one and I think that they can do a ton better. Hopefully this keeps going and they can deliver, as I have high hopes.
The wRong:
Santino Debuts - So Santino made his big debut this week, and as I said before, they did it wrong. They really should have had some training videos as he was off of TV for 3-weeks, not counting that lame interview from last week. I will say that he was not horrible, but Chris Masters was not the guy to have him go out there with. When Chris Masters looks way better than you there are issues. Santino appeared to be falling all over himself for most of the match, and has a lot of work to do. He has potential, he offense seems fresh in a slight MMA way, and I still contend that he should have been a street fighter or MMA guy, not a training wrestler. We'll see where it goes, but the dark days of the IC Title are still upon us.
Vince's Ego Kicks off Raw/Cena vs. Orton - Raw kicked off with Vince's Doo-Rag and Ego taking up 1/3 of the first hour. After a ton of bullshit, HBK came out and wanted a match with Khali for the #1 contenders spot. Vince gave it to him and then Lashley came out. Vince reminded him that he cannot touch him, and then made a rematch of the Backlash match for Judgment Day. Lashley then killed Coach in a segment that went way too long and bored me to tears. And then since this whole segment had to be 20-minutes, Orton and Cena got NO TIME to do anything. I didn't expect a classic match or anything, but some wrestling would have been nice. Khali did the run in, destroyed Cena, and that was that. Overall, it could have been done much better.
The Ridiculous:
A low rent "Homeboy's Shopping Network" - This week on Raw Cryme Tyme decided to show us that they weren't released by appearing on Raw. They were there because Mother's Day was quickly approaching, and they wanted to hook us up with some possible gift ideas. They had a steak dinner, which they stole from Viscera; prescription meds stolen from Eugene who went wild in a Curly from the Stooges moment. Finally they had "acquired" a hummer, from Ron Simmons. DAMN. Finally, fat guy came by in a Spiderman outfit and they kicked his ass and stole his wallet. This sucked. First of all it was about the WORST imitation of the Homeboys Shopping Network ever. It was shit. And then the Spiderman bit sucked for this reason, they obviously did it because Spiderman did so well at the theatres and that the Condemned SUCKED a dick in regards to ticket sales. I didn't like it, I was watching with Christi and she thought it sucked and knew why they did the Spiderman thing right off the bat. SHIT. Next.
Umaga kills the Highlanders - Speaking of releases, I think the Highlanders are wishing that they were released right about now. I have no problem with trying to keep Umaga strong, but if they are going to do the handicap route, can't they use some job guys; Val, Stevie, Balls or local job guys instead of guys in the tag division. Sure the Highlanders aren't the next champions, but there is a crazy theory, that if you keep the teams strong, then you have these things called "Contenders." It's a wacky concept, but it just…might…work.
ECW on Sci-Fi!:
ECW on Sci-Fi!: 5.08.07:
The Right:
Punk gets POOOOOOUNCED - Match wise we kicked off ECW with CM Punk facing off with Monty Von Brown. Young Elijah was with Marcus as they are still a united front. Punk and Marcus had a really good match. They just worked a smart match and worked really well together. Marcus would eventually start working the ribs and such, weakening Punk. This would eventually lead to his demise. He almost got counted out after being tossed to the floor and Elijah laying the boots to his ribs. But he made his way back in and ate the…
POOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUNCE…PERIOD.
Also what needs to be noted is that it was called the pounce finally by Tazz and Styles, thank the lord. This was good because Punk lost, but lost because of two men and taking a sick pounce. This is a fine loss to take and also you can see that they are keeping Monty strong. In the 8-man elimination he was counted out, and here he gets a win over a man with few losses. Fine match, fine booking, good result and I am a happy man.
Elijah sets a "Major" Example - Later on we saw Young Elijah with YOUR teacher Matt Striker. Young Elijah told him that the New Breed was getting back on track. Cor Von beat Punk, and he will now show Striker how it is done by defeating Brian Majors. Striker looked to apologize, but Young Elijah didn't want to hear that because he was FOCUSED~! He went out there and had a fine 3-minute match with Brian Majors. It was fine, the Majors have a TON of potential as a tag team, they are still green, but have the potential to be a really fun baby face team, although why they are in ECW with no tag division is a mystery, but with the brand extension basically dead, that doesn't really matter. Anyway, fine stuff, Young Elijah set his example, and in THE LEADER~! Young Elijah vs. Punk is confirmed for Judgment Day, which is cool to see and I think if they get some time they can have a really good match.
puRgatory:
NADDA~!
The wRong:
Bad ass Lashley? - ECW kicked off this week with Lashley arriving at the arena, but being stopped by a group of police officers, Pittsburgh's finest mind you, and Armandooooooooooooo, Alejandrooooooooooooo, Estrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrada! AEE tells him that if he tries to enter the building, or touch him that he is going to jail. Lashley then shoves the chair down the hill, AEE hits a pile of trash and Lashley lets himself be arrested. Yeah, that's it. To me it feels too much like they WANT his to be this badass, anti-authority figure, and well, I don't buy it as all. His voice still kills me, he is so bad when he talks, no credibility there. Also, the bad ass, anti-authority figure guy is not him. He's the blue chipper, pure athlete, military and purebred badass. They need to really go that route, play off the training, determination and such. He isn't black Stone Cole and never will be. Go with what works, listen to the crowd, and for the love of GOD get this man a mouthpiece. Ron Simmons isn't doing anything.
Damn.
RVD vs. Vince, Shane and Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumaga - Well, this was what it was, there. When the match was changed we knew what it would be. Shane would be playing the richest backyard wrestler in the world, Umaga doing all of the heavy lifting and Vince getting the pin. It was there, and wasn't that exciting because we knew that. The only interesting thing is that they May be headed for an Umaga face turn as you can see he looks upset when Vince demands the tag. That could be cool. In the end RVD jobbing was a given. First of all they are building for Lashley to get the title back, so RVD cannot win. Also, he is not re-signing as of now, so they aren't going to push him or give him a title, that's a fact. The good news is that it took three men to beat him, so at the very least he wasn't BERRIED~! Also, regarding the ending of the match, listen up, RVD WAS NOT SHOOTING ON VINCE. WWE is doing a "shoot ref" gimmick, where the refs are going old school with extra shoulder checks and such. That is it. Stop reading too much into things
The Ridiculous:
Extreme Expose - Oh those sneaky bitches. They know that they annoy me because they are a poor Nitro girls rehash. Brook does have an ass that won't quit, Layla's accent is tremendous and well yeah, I'd lay it to the ever flexible Kelly Kelly. But I just don't feel that we need a dance routine taking up time on a one-hour show. So they were in Pittsburgh and tried to make me forget bout that by wearing Steelers cut off jerseys! Damn you, you sly minks! For a moment I almost forgot, you almost had me. I'll remember this. Brooke I need to see you in my office, STAT. Bring that ass…and jersey.
Snitsky - So he got to kill Sandman in a minute this week. Well, Sandman is coming up on the end of his contract, and I don't see high hopes for renewal. Snitsky really needs a new finisher because the big boot he does looks like shit. I mean, give him something that looks devastating and maybe I would believe in him.
*Breath*
"I do not now, nor will I ever give a flying fuck about Snitsky. I appreciate the attempted make over, but no about of squashes will make me consider him a threat, or even a good wrestler, and I am not talking about in ring technique per say, the overall package is what I mean. As I wrote last week, maybe if they would have started with him doing squashes at the beginning I could have gotten into this. Or maybe if he had never been brought up to the main roster when he was and he debuted now I could get into the character, but I just can't do it. He doesn't look scary really, just ugly with bad steroid acne. I am not buying him as a threat, I am not buying the character. He is there because he is big, Afa trained him and Vince has his fetish. I expect a world title run for him, joy."
RETRO SACRIFICE~!:
Match Results:
Match #1 - World X Cup 2nd Round Match: Jushin "Thunder" Liger defeated Petey Williams @ 8:34 via pin **¾
Match #4 – Bobby Roode defeated Rhino @ 12:16 via pin **
Match #5 – The James Gang defeated Team 3D @ 9:40 via pin **
Match #6 - World X Cup Finals - GAUNTLET MATCH: Petey Williams defeated Puma via pin @ 18:39 to win the Gauntlet Match (Team USA and Canada ended up tied) ***
Match #7 – Samoa Joe and Sting defeated Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner @ 14:30 via pin ***½
Match #8 – NWA World Heavyweight Title - Full Metal Mayhem/TLC Match: Christian Cage defeated Abyss @ 16:14 ***¾
The Right:
Pre-Show Change, and a little less D'Amore - I have to admit that I like TNA moving to a pre-taped pre-show. First of all, at times TNA has 8-9 matches on a PPV, and can sometimes have 2 pre-show matches. That can be upwards of 11-matches and you can easily burn out the crowd. Also on occasion you can have matches on that pre-show that are better than some of the PPV matches, which hurts the PPV in a small way. Finally, when they DO offer a pre-show match, it will have a special feeling because they aren't doing it all the time. So this was a good move in my opinion. Add to all of this that they had 30-minutes to show the AWESOME video packages that they have been doing, and it is win, win as they were great and made me even more excited about the show.
There was another thing that I have to give credit to, which I blasted on the last PPV and that is Scott D'Amore. D'Amore was on the last PPV entirely too much and I though that this was a bad thing and that they had to do something about it. On this show they did change things up and D'Amore was less of a factor. Don't get me wrong, he still was on the show, but not nearly as much. The big thing was that he was NOT at ringside with Petey Williams or A1 for their matches. This was a very nice change, and it was needed badly. Hopefully D'Amore will realize this and stay off of the shows more, we'll just have to see.
The Tag Title Match Delivers BIG Time - To me this was easily the match of the night. For the most part I am still very against pairing up two singles guys and pushing them for the tag titles, but if they have plans for AJ and Daniels to tag for a while and become a team hell bent on winning the titles, then that is a better proposition. AMW looked like the AMW of old and had a great performance, reminding me why they are the best tag team going today, in my opinion. They were just on fire and showed such personality, and this match may have been what they needed to get over the hump fully as heels. AJ and Daniels also worked very well together and brought to the table some great double team moves. The match was a great one, and built to a great climax and got even better as it went on, a sign of a great match. They had this segment where they were doing some huge and dramatic kick outs and the crowd ate it up. I'll discuss the ending later in the column, but the fact remains that it was a great match and I am totally there for a rematch.
Samoa Joe is a made man and Scott Steiner finds his passion - Without doubt this match was all about Samoa Joe and in a big way. TNA has decided that Joe could be that huge new star that they are craving to create and took the chance on the right nigh tin the right match to make him in a big way. The crowd was completely into Joe, the commentary was all into Joe and his confrontations with JJ and Steiner and the atmosphere was perfect. Sting started the match and got things off to a fun start, but when he pointed to Joe and tagged him it was time. When he and Steiner faced off it was one of those moments that you felt, even on TV. He and Steiner had some great interaction and not only did they protect Steiner, but what they did was great. Joe slapped him right away, and then Steiner went classic on him with an overhead belly to belly. They went back and forth for a while and finally cheated to get heat on Joe. Joe would finally get the hot tag to Sting and he cleaned some house and then it was time for Joe to be Joe. He hit all of his stuff on JJ and Steiner and it looked awesome. Steiner turned it up when he was in there with Joe and showed a motivation that I haven't seen from him in years. Eventually Sting and Steiner went to the floor and JJ got the Stroke on Joe. But Joe kicked out and the crowd erupted. JJ took him up top for another Stroke, Joe nailed JJ, went off the top with a wacky Lucha roll and then got the Muscle Buster on JJ for the win and the crowd went crazy.
This match was better than I could have hoped and I really enjoyed it. But there was more! After the match Sting wanted to shake Joe's hand, but Joe initially refused. But after some encouragement, he did and the crowd loved it. Joe left the ring so Sting could celebrate, but Steiner had returned with a chair to lay out Sting. Joe stopped on the ramp with his back still towards the ring, like he may return. JJ then was back to his feet and he had the guitar, and laid out Sting. Joe turned around as the crowd chanted, "Joe's gonna kill you" and they wanted him to return. Steiner then placed Sting in the recliner and Joe looked like he would come back to make the save, but left! Some faces ran down to make the save and the crowd was shocked. This was perfect as Joe remained in character and true to his pre-match interview. In that interview he stated that he had a task to achieve, and would make his reputation at the cost of Steiner and JJ. Perfect in my opinion and it couldn't have been done better.
The Captain defends his title yet again! - It cracks me up that people are still bitching that Christian is nothing more than a midcarder with the big belt. Compared to Rey Mysterio he is booked like a king. Before the match they started it great, with shots of both men walking in the back to hype the match. It gave it an energy before the bell even rang, which was great. This match was not only well booked, but both guys busted their Asses yet again to make for a great NWA title match. They used the stipulation to their advantages and really delivered with the usage of weapons and bug bumps. Christian was a trooper and really went above and beyond, which he had to do to get his full revenge and place some closure on this one on one feud. I was almost convinced that they were going to do a title change when Cage went up top of the ladder at the end, and moved the belt out of his way to execute a huge frog splash through a table on Abyss. That was the final nail in the coffin for revenge, and he then got the title for the win. Now I do need to Tarintino back for a moment to praise one other man, that being Jim Mitchell. As always he cut a GREAT interview earlier in the PPV putting over the title and what was at stake. Then later on, he got his comeuppance as he and Abyss had laid out the tacks. Cage was able to give Abyss the Unprettier on the ladder, and then gave Mitchell the Uranage on the pile of tacks to get his revenge on him as well. Mitchell sold this like a fucking pro and even rolled through the tacks. Amazing visual and a great end to the encounter.
This was TOTAL NON-STOP ACTION - TNA is always talking about how they are: "The true alternative," "Wrestling Reinvented," "The 60-minute adrenaline rush," and "Total Non-stop Action." And there are times where you think to yourself that they are, and times where you think they aren't. Well let me tell you that the X-Division Gauntlet was indeed, without doubt Total Non-Stop Action from bell to bell. For nearly 20-minutes these bastards ran and flew around the ring like this match was their own personal WrestleMania and it was damn exciting. There are times where a very spotty match have their place and can really add to a card, and these X-Division Gauntlets are that kind of match. Guys would run in and hit some kind of crazy springboard move onto another guys and just keep going until he had to sell. Every minute when someone fresh came in you just KNEW that there would be something cool. Incognito did about the coolest damn thing in the world, as he went to the apron as someone was coming into the ring, and since the camera was wide, you saw him give this AWESOME Asai Moonsault into SPACE as he flew off the screen. It was a very cool visual and just added to the excitement. This is the kind of thing that does make them different and I wish that they would focus on it more.
THE NEW 5th R! puRgatoRy: These are between the right and wRong, and maybe sometimes a little ridiculous, basically kind of the limbo segment. This can now be considered a 5th R.
The World X Cup - So it seems that the biggest complaint about the X cup is that it was way too short, with not enough matches and seemed like it was too much trouble than what it was worth. Other complaints were that the matches were too short, and that it was just a let down from all of the hype. I can see all of those arguments, and while the above complains are valid, the tourney did provide good to very good matches on TV and PPV and is something different and that you wouldn't get on WWE TV. Also, while Sabin and Petey have faced off a lot, it has been a long-standing rule that if the tourney ended in a tie, the cup would be decided in a captain's match. So that isn't a big surprise and I figured it would end that way, although I do with that it would have been possibly a three way, just to break things up. In the end it would had been nice if this could have lasted longer with more matches, but with the problems that they had getting talent locked up for this, I am just glad that we got something as well as some fresh matches. So I see both sides of it, and I'll just have to place this one in puRgatoRy.
Nash and the X-Division - This one is a touchy one for me. I HATE when WWE does shit like Khali goes to the ring and destroys some cruisers. I hate when they so this, like feeding Nunzio to Lashley and similar subjects. So there is half of me that hates the fact that Kevin Nash came to the ring and destroyed poor Puma with great ease. But when I think about it, it wasn't as bad as first thought. Puma was one of the first 2 in the Gauntlet, he wrestled 20-hard minutes and then took the death move in the Canadian Destroyer. He was basically dead in the ring when Nash came in, powerbombed him and then gave him the "big old size 16" to the grill. Basically Nash beat up a dead body. As I said, I see both sides of it, and I'll just have to place this one in puRgatoRy.
The wRong:
Raven vs. A1 - This was without doubt the worst match on the show, but it wasn't atrocious. I mean, it was not pretty, but also wasn't the worst thing I have ever seen. A1 is very green and while he can be impressive in short stints doing the power thing, he just hasn't progressed all that much in my opinion. If I am TNA, I would just let him go back to the Indies and try to learn and bring back Johnny Devine full time, who did look good in him come back during the X Cup. Bobby Roode plays the big dog of Team Canada much better, while A1 resembles more of a jacked up juice monkey.
On the subject of Raven, while I appreciate him wanting to come back and enjoy his work, I do have to question him coming back right now. I know that it all fits in the storyline with Cornette coming in and all, but I don't think that he was ready. He still is recovering from the Thyroid issues and blood sugar problems, and in all honesty he did not look good. He looked old and tired out there, and it was almost sad to see. I give him a ton of credit, he worked really hard out there, and there is no question of that. But I just think that this was the wrong tine for the comeback, and I hope that he gets better and soon.
Some minor quibbles - Dear Ray,
Get some fucking ring gear, get a tan and hit the gym. You are not Mick Foley and never will be, you look beyond Indy-riffic.
Love,
Larry
Dear BG and Kip James,
When you do crotch chops and the "X" sign, you might as well tell people to tune into Raw. Knock it off douche bags.
Love,
Larry
The Ridiculous:
Jackie's pregnant…and stupid shit happened - For weeks they have been playing up Jackie Gayda and her crying. On the PPV AMW and Gail gave an interview and she was still crying. When Borash asked her why she was crying, she admitted that she was pregnant. When she said this Gail Kim went off on her. She said that Jeff, Scott, AMW and her all hated her, and then she fired her. Yes, Gail Kim fired her. This makes absolutely NO SENSE! Jackie was not an employee, she as blackmailed into working with them because Jeff had some phantom videotape on her. She was a servant to them, a slave so this makes no sense. Add to that the fact that Jackie apparently had dirt on JJ and D'Amore that effected Raven's title loss in Canada, which has never been revealed to us. I love long-term story lines, they are great but when they don't pay off they are just a waste of TV time. I don't blame Jackie, I think it's great that her and Hass are having a baby, but I hope that they can do something about this and for God Sake, no weird ass pregnancy angles with JJ as the father. Steiner I could buy, or even a drunken Storm, but not JJ please.
The Ri-GOD-DAMN-diculous:
Bumble-Fuck Finishes - Oh do I get pissy with non-clean finishes on PPV. On TV I can understand, maybe one or 2 on a PPV if they make sense with the booking I could let go on occasion, but on this PPV, they were trying to piss me off I think. This PPV may have set the record for "the number of bumble fuck finishes to start off a show." The first FIVE MATCHES had some sort of shit, non-clean finish. FIVE out of 8-matches to start a show off, I mean, what the hell, was the booking committee even thinking on this one? Hell, I think a monkey fucking a football could have come up with a clean finish in there somewhere. Now I will say that some of these finishes DID make sense in a way, and I'll explain.
The Petey vs. Liger match I found it ironic that not only did Petey get out cheated for once, but that Team Japan "buried Petey" under the Japanese flag, which is a trademark of Team Canada. It was a comeuppance of sorts, which the Impact Zone liked.
I knew the tag team title match would have a non-clean finish, almost because it had to. This was creative as they had Gail barred from ringside, and in the pre-match interview Storm said that, "We don't worry, because we have friends in high places." Gail dropped a nightstick from the rafters into the ring, which allowed AMW to win. Creative and not all that bad as along as we get a rematch.
The Raven A1 match ended because Larry got involved and wants to beat down Raven, and vice versa. This is setting up for their match so it makes sense, but was the third bumble fuck in a row.
The ending to the James Gang/3D match made sense as well since they brought up their past history and the fact that 3D used a pipe to beat the Outlaws all those years ago.
So sure they DID make sense and DO play into the stories really well…BUT YOU RAN THEM ALL ON THE SAME DAMN SHOW! Spread this shit out a bit so that it means something. To me it makes sense, but to a regular fan, they would be totally annoyed by this and MIGHT not ever buy a show again, which is NOT what you want. Guys, you had the right intentions in the booking, but to start a show with 5-bumble fuck finishes in a row is just ri-GOD-DAMN-diculous.
I am just sharing one this week due to the column being LONG as hell. This is from Kyle -
I'm not sure what TNA is going to do with Eric Young but he looks completely weak after Brooks managing to crawl, not more than 30 seconds after he powerbombed her, and floor him with a low blow. It would be great to see him in a wrestling program sometime soon, assuming he's not injured or something I don't know about. Anyway, that almost bothered me enough to consider it the "wRong", but I suppose it was a small 'glitch' since Eric Young has looked weak and gutless just for being Roode's bitch for the last month or so.
Giving away Angle vs. Sting was just ridiculous. It got me excited to watch one night of free television, but it didn't make me anymore interested in buying their next PPV, or even watching the following week's night of free TV. I was excited about the match for one week while I wish I could have been excited about it for months while they built an epic storyline... On a similar note, TNA would benefit from a tad bit better storytelling. And I don't mean in the way that Bret Hart was "one of the greatest storytellers" either. They need better writing.
