The Wrestling News Experience: 05.21.07
Posted by Stephen Randle on 05.21.2007
Admit it, you were worried that I’d be announcing a new WWE champ today.
Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the Experience. I am Stephen Randle, enjoying my short vacation on my long weekend, which is really only a vacation in terms of I don't have to go to work. Which is all good, anyway.
Also, I'm in the serious hunt for a Wii, so anyone in Waterloo who finds one in a store and doesn't immediately buy it for themselves (it could happen), and doesn't mind that owning a Wii will probably take away all my limited free time as I obsess with it (probably=definitely), give me a shout. Although I doubt this will bear much fruit, as it seems like Nintendo is releasing new systems to stores in shipments of approximately one.
But you're here for wrestling, aren't you? Well, I hope so, because that's what I do.
Ric Flair defeated Carlito with the figure-four submission
I tell you, when you're losing clean to Flair on PPV, you must be being punished. Carlito didn't really use this chance to step up and show his skills, however, which is kind of disappointing. Just because you're jobbing, doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
Bobby Lashley pinned Shane McMahon in a 3 on 1 Handicap Match involving Vince McMahon and Umaga, but Vince McMahon retained the ECW title due to shenanigans
Woo, a 2-minute squash with a screwjob ending. Isn't that more WCW than ECW? Also, how could Lashley handle the 3-on-1 thing so easily this month, when he got beaten by it last month?
CM Punk defeated Elijah Burke with the Go2Sleep
Solid match, probably they can do better in further matches. I say this because, since it's one of only two real feuds in ECW, there's a almost sure bet that they'll meet again.
Randy Orton defeated Shawn Michaels due to ref stoppage
Orton ambushed HBK backstage prior to the match, and as a result we get another short match, probably due to Shawn's injury, and also prepping for the HHH return match that will no doubt happen soon.
The Hardys defeated Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch with the Twist of Fate/Swanton combo to retain the World Tag Team titles
Another good Hardys match, showing again how much they've matured since their days as job-boys. The theoretically fake face turn by Cade and Murdoch is predictable, but they're selling it so well and sticking to the straight and narrow so religiously that it works.
Edge defeated Batista with a rollup to retain the World Heavyweight title
A shocking lack of Mark Henry to end the match, although that right there kind of tells you how far Batista's stock has fallen, where he loses big matches mostly cleanly to a rollup with no interference.
MVP defeated Chris Benoit 2-0 in a Best of 3 match to win the United States title
Seems like it was almost a step down from their previous encounters, even though they added the psychology of Benoit's knee injury (although they seem to be overdoing the injury angles tonight). I question why the match didn't go the full three falls, because you can't tell me the PPV was going long at this point.
John Cena defeated The Great Khali with the STFU submission to retain the WWE title
Not quite Andre-Hogan, or even Umaga-Cena, but it had Cena getting beaten up for most of the match and eking out a win. It wasn't a good match, but who went in expecting that?
Overall, I can't in good conscience recommend this PPV. MVP-Benoit underwhelmed, there were two angles masquerading as matches, but at least they didn't do anything stupid. The Hardys had their usual solid match, but past Cade and Murdoch, there's not really anyone else for them to fight. In the end, Judgment Day will be forgotten by next week.
Around The Horn
Just prior to the PPV, it was reported that HBK has suffered a serious knee injury, which would probably explain the shortness of the match. It should be noted, that despite Shawn being crippled (and for some reason, managing to keep his smile despite the knee injury), Orton was still not granted a clean victory. Well, it made me giggle, anyway.
Warrior Ultimate Warrior Warrior Warrior Ultimate Warrior Warrior fired back at the Iron Shiek this week on his website, in reference to their confrontation at an autograph signing. And to be fair, he didn't use too many big and unnecessary complicated words. He still rambled on and on in the borderline realm between sanity and insanity, but at least it was somewhat readable by the common person. Anyway, I think I got the gist of it, which is that Warrior is right and Sheik is wrong. He used more words, but I like to consider myself a master of summarization.
Speaking of crazy people, Chyna is apparently negotiating with Oxygen to air a reality show starring her. Well, at least there'll be lots of footage for the WWE "Self Destruction" DVD.
Oh, and for those who were worried (and given how they got bounced around in the past, it's not a huge stretch), Smackdown will remain on Friday nights in the new fall season on the CW. Because with Gilmore Girls and Veronica Mars, gone, what else have they got?
Apparently, despite ratings on par with test patterns, there are plans for another Saturday Night's Main Event on NBC following the one that will air prior to One Night Stand. Well, at least it's something on TV on Saturday nights besides all that softcore on Showcase. Hey, if there was something else to watch, I'd watch that.
Despite saying for the longest time that Kurt Angle will never fight in UFC, Dana White is apparently in talks with Angle to see about that very option. Of course, White is still of the public opinion that Angle will get his ass owned, but Dana is very much like Vince McMahon in one important aspect (and no, it's not that they've both been bald recently): he does like money, and Angle's first MMA fight would draw truckloads of it.
And before I leave this segment, in a ray of sunshine, Matt Cappotelli is active on his personal blog following his successful brain surgery, with thanks to all his fans for their support. I'm fairly sure that no one will disagree when I say that this is a man who deserves a whole lot of good things to happen to him.
Who's Holding Gold
I'm debating adding either #1 contender information or something like "next title defense" for anyone, but it seems excessive and hard to figure out. Any thoughts?
WWE
WWE Champion: John Cena
- 247 day reign
- defeated Edge on September 16th, 2006 (Unforgiven PPV)
- TLC match stipulation
World Heavyweight Champion: Edge
- 9 day reign
- defeated The Undertaker on May 11th, 2007 (Smackdown)
- Money in the Bank stipulation
ECW World Champion: Vince McMahon
- 22 day reign
- defeated Bobby Lashley on April 29th, 2007 (Backlash PPV)
- 3 vs 1 handicap match involving Umaga and Shane McMahon
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Santino Marella
- 35 day reign
- defeated Umaga on April 16th (Raw)
- No DQ stipulation
**NEW** WWE United States Champion: MVP
- 1 day reign
- defeated Chris Benoit on May 20th (Judgment Day PPV)
- 2/3 Falls stipulation
World Tag Team Champions: The Hardys
- 49 day reign
- won 10-team battle royal on April 2nd (Raw)
- battle royal stipulation
WWE Tag Team Champions: Deuce and Domino
- 31 day reign
- defeated London and Kendrick on April 20th (Smackdown)
WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Chavo Guerrero
- 92 day reign
- won Cruiserweight Open on February 18th (No Way Out PPV)
- Cruiserweight Open stipulation involving Jimmy Wang Yang, Funaki, Scotty 2 Hotty, Gregory Helms, Daivari, Shannon Moore, and Jamie Noble
WWE Women's Champion: Melina
- 27 day reign
- defeated Mickie James on April 24th (Milan, Italy house show)
TNA
**NEW** TNA Heavyweight Champion: Vacant
- title vacated on May 16th (Impact) due to disputed finish of Sacrifice PPV
TNA Tag Team Champions: Team 3-D
- 29 day reign
- defeated LAX on April 15th (Lockdown PPV)
- Electrified Cage stipulation
TNA X-Division Champion: Chris Sabin
- 127 day reign
- defeated Christopher Daniels on January 14th (Final Resolution PPV)
- Triple Threat match involving Jerry Lynn
The Injury Bug Bites
Inactive List as of 05.14.07
WWE
- Ashley, SD!, out indefinitely as of April 13 (leg)
- Beth Phoenix, RAW, out indefinitely as of June 6 (jaw)
- Chris Jericho, out indefinitely (kayfabe, fired)
- Hardcore Holly, out 3-4 months as of April 3 (elbow surgery)
- Ken Kennedy, SD!, out 6-8 weeks as of May 8 (tricep)
- King Booker, out two months as of April 6 (knee surgery)
- Paul Burchill, SD!, out indefinitely as of May 29 (shoulder)
- Rene Dupree, ECW, out indefinitely as of March 2007 (Wellness)
- Rey Mysterio, SD!, out indefinitely as of October 2006 (knee surgery)
- Super Crazy, RAW, out indefinitely as of April 21 (torn MCL)
- Triple H, RAW, out 4-6 months as of January 7 (torn quadriceps)
- The Undertaker, SD!, expected to miss 6-8 months starting May 9 (bicep)
TNA
- Abyss, TNA, out indefinitely as of April 18 (kayfabe)
- Austin Starr, TNA, out 90 days as of April 18 (suspension)
Transactions
- Rick Steiner, TNA, made TNA return on May 16th Impact
Hell, I'll cheer for the Steiner Brothers against Team 3-D, even though the matches are likely to be horrible. Hey, it's a fresh feud, at the very least.
- Gregory Helms, SD!, out one year as of May 17th (neck surgery)
Bad news for the former Hurricane, as it's actually been a while since the dreaded "spinal fusion" bug has bitten anyone. So does this mean the WWE style actually does prevent neck injuries, or is it all just random chance? Anyway, Helms has shown in the past that he might read my report, so an extension of well wishes to him and his friends and family. Maybe he can comfort himself by thinking that most of the people who've had neck fusion have ended up as World champion (Angle, Benoit, Edge, Rhino, Lita (hey, it's the World title for her gender)…we'll ignore Test, though).
- Ariel, Scotty 2 Hotty, Sabu, Vito, Nick "Mitch" Mitchell, released from their contracts
Ariel's firing is a big shock, just because it seemed like her and Thorn were cruising along together. Meanwhile, Scotty's release is perplexing just because it was pretty much assumed he had a job for life. Sabu, of course, is the real news, but it was pretty much inevitable for several months, and now that the New Breed vs Originals storyline has run its course, he's very expendable. He'll probably end up doing guest shots in TNA, maybe tagging with this man…
- RVD, ECW, reportedly done with WWE as of May 16th
No confirmation on this, but everyone seems to be talking like it is gospel that RVD is done with WWE from now on. You can't really blame either side, RVD was involved in a horrible high-profile drug incident while champion, and RVD, of course, felt like he had hit the wall in ECW from then on. It's pretty much a sure thing that he'll end up in TNA, probably to challenge whoever wins the title at Slammiversary. So, anybody but Joe. I had to throw that in.
One Year Ago This Experience
Originally posted 05.22.06, and Kane's movie had been released, which led to the first profitable WWE Films project (despite horrible reviews), and also a feud involving Kane and a guy who dressed like the original Kane, which ended up causing us to suffer through Big Show vs Kane on PPV in a crappy match with no finish, as well as Kane vs Fake Kane, also on PPV, until the angle was suddenly and inexplicably cut short a week later, never to be mentioned again. Actually, I wanted to see where it would go.
Plus, I finally got to come out against Tom Hanks movies. Hey, he had me for Dragnet and League of Their Own, then he lost me. Too bad, Forrest.
The Wrestling Fan's Experience
This week's Experience comes to us from Will Bryant, who's been meaning to do this for months. Well, at least he got it in before I actually stopped doing this.
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How I got into wrestling is sort of funny to me. I guess I've sort of been "aware" of it for as long as I can remember, but I didn't become an actual fan until the late 90s. I mean, I remember playing wrestling video games as a kid, but I never saw an actual real life wrestling match until the weekend before Wrestlemania XIV.
I was channel surfing at one point Saturday night, and I saw Mike Tyson messing with some guy going by "StoneCold." This other guy really caught my attention and I remember asking around school that Monday to see if anyone had seen what went down at Wrestlemania. I found Raw for the first time that Monday night, and I became a big WWF fan for many years after that.
In a sense, though, things have come full circle. I don't watch much wrestling on TV anymore outside of the occasional episode of TNA Impact, but I still play wrestling games all the time. Making up my own storylines on WWF No Mercy just seems more fun than what the actual WWE's presenting these days.
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I'm actually shocked at how good the WWE video game story mode can be sometimes, and can't help but question why those writers aren't doing stories for WWE. Actually, I finally stopped buying wrestling games with the last SdvsRaw, because of tight finances, and a dislike of the challenge system required to unlock certain people. Hey, earning money to buy stuff, I'm fine with, but start denying me things because I can't win 3 on 1 handicap matches, and I have a small problem.
The games may be hard, but it's incredibly easy to get your very own spot in the best damned Monday news report on the entire Internet. All you have to do is send me your best possible response to the following two statements.
1. Why I am a wrestling fan.
2. How I got into pro wrestling.
I don't want to see this feature end just yet, so send me your responses, and remember, the next Experience could be yours!
And Carapola has Friendly Competition, and too much free time.
The Gab Bag
Due to a certain Smackdown recapper who shall remain Furious, I got this lovely e-mail from a Chris Goti this week:
man ur a total asshole, ur smackdown report was shit please dont do it again
Which I, understandably, found humourous, as I haven't written a Smackdown report in…at least a year, if not more. Although in the interest of full disclosure, it probably did suck. Turns out Furious is using me to hide from angry Kane fans. Of which I'm sure there are many. I'll have to get revenge, of course, but at least someone here is thinking outside the box.
Meanwhile, in (semi) serious e-mails, Josh Irving believes that Khali-Cena appeals to casual fans (probably the same type who wrote Hogan get well cards way back when), especially kids who, it must be remembered, love John Cena and can get their parents to buy them stuff. Remember, Vince likes money. That said, Khali has a very slim chance of ever reaching any high potential in the industry, especially when you can look on the very same brand and point at Umaga as an unstoppable giant monster who also happens to have decent in-ring ability. But, as I always remind people, you can't forget that Khali is really, really, very big.
And One To Go On
411 via Arnold Furious (who only thinks he's clever) will have live coverage of Raw tonight starting at 9 pm EDT. That's our show, before we go, we check in with our good friend Larry Csonka, for a preview of Your News, My Views. Larry?
Hello, Randle. Enjoying your "vacation"?
Why yes, yes I am, Larry. Wait, what's with the air quotes.
You silly Canadians, thinking you can have a vacation in May just because the Americans do. You're nothing more than copycats, is what you are!
Copycats? But Larry, Victoria Day isn't even on the same weekend as Memorial Day this year. They're two totally different holidays based on two totally different origins.
Yes, but they're alike in one very important way.
And what's that, Larry?
Everyone gets drunk and goes camping.
True enough, Larry.
Well, everyone except you, since-
Since I don't drink, I know, Larry.
I was going to say "a huge wuss", but potato-tomato
Fair enough. Larry Csonka, ladies and gentlemen. He'll be in tomorrow, I'm back next week.
