The Fink's Payload takes on the booking of One Night Stand with a little help from the most special people of all......you.
Rob: Welcome once again readers, to the #1 Fantasy Booking Column on the whole damn Internet! I am Robert Andrew Halden Esq. The Third, creator, editor and author of the esteemed You're An Idiot And Here's Why. Emptying our payload on your faces this week is…
Dan: Yes, it is I, The Master of the Screwjob himself is back for another edition of the Payload, baby!
Matt: Sometimes I wish my parents would have named me Cain or Abel so my name would be clever. Though I didn‘t give my own son that gift either so who am I to complain. I‘m Matt Adamson, author of Destiny and 500 Good Words which is a part of Andy Clark‘s The Shimmy. Fellow 411 writer Ryan Byers and I are also going to be a radio guest this week as part of an audio documentary on SHIMMER: Women Athletes. It‘ll be airing in the Chicago area on Tuesday May 29th from 7-9 pm central time. If you don‘t live in Chicago, you can hear it by visiting WXAV.com where it will be streaming live.
Rob: Last week's homework was booking any kind of match for the upcoming One Night Stand. You all had it nice and easy for our first week breaking you in, so let's see how you did. First off we have Angelo Velotta who was upset about something Sforcina did the other week but…y'know…I don't care.
I think this should be the card:
Marcus CorVon vs. Bobby Lashley (made after McMahon has CorVon take out Lashley. McMahon also instates that Lashley can never get a shot at the ECW title until their is another champion.)
which sets up..........
CM Punk vs. Vince McMahon (huge way to get Punk over even more so) (ECW title)
Paul London and Brian Kendrick vs. The Hardys vs The Majors Brothers vs. Cade and Murdoch (TLC Tag Titles)
Snitsky vs RVD (RVD's final big job before jumping ship to TNA)
Elijah Burke vs. Kevin Thorn (since Burke kicked out Thorn)
MVP vs. Chris Benoit (30 min Ironman Match for US Title)
John Cena vs. The Great Khali (World Title)
Randy Orton vs. Santino Marella (IC Title)
Rob:That's….I mean…this is hard for me….I know only hate and bile…but that's a damn good card. Damn good. All those matches not only make sense, but would work and I would enjoy seeing all of them. Punk/McMahon is a great piece of booking. Only criticism would be the placement on the card. I know everyone is still thinking of this as an ECW show but…it ain't. Cena goes in the top spot. Hey, also…no World Heavyweight Title match. Took me a minute to spot that was missing. Hmmmm.
Dan: Hate the idea of four tag teams thrown together in a TLC match for no real reason but the rest is solid booking. I too like the idea of Punk vs. McMahon but it's not going to happen for a while, if at all. Throw in a world title match between Edge and Batista and you have a great card here.
Matt: Not a half bad show for most people, but for me, It'd be like pulling teeth. The Major Brothers? Wouldn't you rather see The Worlds Greatest Tag Team in a TLC match? I mean Shelton Benjamin is pretty much a professional ladder walker. The biggest problem I have with the card is that in almost every match a very talented guy is paired with a less talented guy with exception to Benoit vs. MVP. Don't you want to see some wrestling?
Rob: Next we got the return of Dan from Brooklyn who's loyalty to this column despite the change in writers, brings a tear to my eye.
Greeting to the new writers,
One Night Stand in my opinion should have been highlighted by Foley vs. Vince as I wrote last time, but with the ending to the Judgment Day match its obvious they are going with another terrific Vince/Lashley showdown. So I will another direction.
On Smackdown, MVP comes out to brag about beating Benoit in 2 straight falls for the US Title. Benoit comes out and says he has nothing to be ashamed of and he proudly defended the title against all comers for 8 long months. And speaking of defending titles against all comers, he heard Edge say that about the World Title. MVP gets pissed about Benoit stealing the spotlight and says they should have a number 1 contender match. Batista comes out to interrupt and says he was screwed by Edge using the tights at Judgment Day and twice Taker couldn't beat him so he deserves another shot. Teddy Long makes a triple threat match for the title shot at One Night Stand. Batista hits the Batista Bomb on MVP but Mark Henry runs out to brawl with him and Benoit drops the headbutt on MVP for the pin. They could build up the years of Edge/Benoit storylines with their former tag title reign and Edge turning on Benoit and plus you get a 4 star match while Edge waits for Kennedy to return. This also sets up Batista vs. Henry.
The card would shape up with Vince/Lashley in a Steel Cage or HIAC, Edge/Benoit for the World Title, Batista/Henry, and Cena/Orton for the WWE Title.
Rob: Batista needs a great ring general to work with. Undertaker and Triple H helped the guy raise his game, but without them his ring work slips a notch or three. Henry needs a great worker to shield the vulnerable fans from his lack of mobility in a match. Henry needs to work with a Benoit or an HBK. Batista needs roughly the same. Putting the two of them together…I'm fairly certain that makes the world explode.
Dan: Edge vs. Benoit for the title? Yes! Benoit going over the new US champ to do it? No! Two weeks to get Orton into a title picture would be difficult yet doable, and we actually have a very card put together here. Henry vs. Batista has to happen sooner or later wether we like it or not so you may as well get it over and done with now.
Matt: You guys know that the reason these readers are loyal is because… We're too damn cool to ignore! Nah, but I'll tell you my thoughts about this fantasy card. I REALLY like it. This is exactly what I'm talking about. At this point we know what is realistically possible. Vince vs. Lashley, while it will probably be more of the same ol' will at least be the best possible blow off it can be. The other three matches you mention are about the best ideas going. If WWE fails to have these feuds by the time Survivor Series rolls around (preferably Summerslam) they will have dropped the ball. Nice work!
Rob: Stephen Straka came at us next with the following.
Simple: Have Vince try and build up another 3-n-1 match. Prior to ONS, Shane gets injured. Foley than shows up and, capitalizing on the fact that he tricked Vince into giving him his old job back (remember that bit on Raw before Austin was named guest ref at WM23?), schedules Vince, Umaga and Lashley in a triple threat match. Umaga, being stupid, follows Vince's orders to take out Lashley and then gets a chair shot to the head as thanks. Vince tries to pin Umaga but gets 2, letting Umaga get up and, furious, assault McMahon. After Vince has been knocked out, Lashley takes out Umaga and pins for the 3 and the title. Lashley can then feud with either Umaga or the winner of the inevitable Burke/Punk match, allowing Commish/GM/whatever Mick and Vince to have their little feud. Hell, why not continue that little feud until Summerslam, have Mick tell Vince he'll be getting the "royal treatment" and then bring out the King of Kings Triple H to kick Vince's ass once and for all? Extra points if they convince the fans that the royal wrestler will be King Booker instead.
Rob: Woah, woah….woah! So that little 30 second bit on Raw before ‘Mania this year…that was Foley officially getting his Commissioner job back? And what? No one has mentioned it since? He hasn't bothered to show up for work? I think you need another way of getting Mick into that role. Actually, from what I can see here…you don't need Mick at all. He's superfluous to requirement in that angle. But I do like the crazy Umaga turning on Vince bit.
Dan:I agree with Rob here, Foley doesn't need to be and shouldn't be involved here. And why would Foley and Triple H team up against Vince? I like Umaga turning on Vince but one would think that would set up a feud between them which I really wouldn't want to see.
Matt: Umaga turning on Vince works for me, but any angle involving another handicapped match gets the big V-E-T-O by yours truly. I also like setting up a Burke/Punk chasing the ECW title. I'd imagine they'd go with Burke as turning Punk seems distant. Still, that's a direction they'd need to go, but there has to be another way of going about doing it.
Rob: Now onto our very own fantasies about men in trunks grappling with each other. I really like the ‘All Extreme' idea for One Night Stand, but personally I'd like it more if the PPV had a very different feel. I think it should be ECW's show, featuring the other brands. The ECW roster would make challenges to superstars from both Raw and Smackdown, challenging them to take part in Extreme match-ups. That way we get the star power needed to sell the PPV, but it still puts a huge spotlight and focus on ECW. I'd have Lashley Vs Batista for the ECW title, RVD challenging HBK, The Hardy's getting creamed and bloodied by Sandman & Dreamer and all sorts of wacky fun.
Dan: We've got our three main events set already so I'll book the undercard. MVP defends the United States title in an Extreme Rules match. They give each other 20 minutes of hell but in the end MVP retains the championship. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch, Kenny Dykstra and Johnny Nitro, and the World's Greatest Tag Team all challenge Matt and Jeff Hardy in a 4 Corners Extreme Rules Texas Tornado match! Pure chaotic fun here and a good opportunity to do the title switch onto Cade and Murdoch, getting the pin over Dykstra. Gene Snitsky battles Rob Van Dam in a chain match (the kind where both men are connected with the chain). Snitsky should do well in this kind of environment and Van Dam can put him over before leaving the E. Throw in either a women's or cruiserweight title match and you have a decent card.
Matt:You know, Rob, if you put it that way, I'm going to go with One Night Stand being a women only PPV. Not really, but all things considered I'd feel as though there should be at least one performer in each match that has been a part of ECW in the past. Like Edge vs. Benoit for instance. However, I don't think it would sell on the ECW name any longer, which is sad. If I were running a business booking WWE PPV's, this is my ONS III card: Edge vs. Benoit (World Title/I-Quit), Lashley vs. Vince (ECW Title/HIAC), Batista vs. Henry (Falls Anywhere), The Hardyz vs. Cade & Murdoch vs. World's Greatest Tag Team vs. Nitro and Dykstra (Raw Tag Titles/TLC), Deuce and Domino vs. Kendrick and London (SD Tag titles/Streetfight), Cena vs. Orton (WWE Title/Last Man Standing). That's it! Before I go, I just want to make sure everybody listens to WXAV 88.3 fm in Chicago Tuesday night from 7-9 pm Central Time OR at WXAV.com streaming live. Gotta put in that last minute plug before it's too late.
This week's homework: With all the talk of RVD possibly going to TNA, book the arrival of any WWE superstar currently on the roster going down south to TNA.
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