You're An Idiot And Here's Why 5.31.07: Vote for Your Idiot!
Posted by Rob Halden on 05.31.2007
For the first time ever you get to vote for the Idiot Of The Week!
I try to be as honest as I can with you, reader. I feel it's part of my journalistic integrity. When I first gave birth to this wonderful weekly edition of bile and fury, I figured it would be an easy gig. I'd have plenty of material to stoke the fires of Idiocy. I mean, this is the wrestling world…what are the chances we're ever gonna be low on Idiots? Right? Right?
Well…turns out the 90's are over. You can't just turn on TV and be set up for 10,000-word essay anymore. No more Viagra On A Pole. No more inVasion. No more "That 70's Guy". No more Aquette as champ.
*Sigh*
The better wrestling gets, the worse this column becomes. Actually, no. Wrestling is only marginally better. See, back in the days I just mentioned we did have some spectacular Idiots making some Retarded decisions. But we also had some moments of pure genius. Booking genius. Gimmick genius. Wrestling genius and writing genius. These days we might be spared the lows, but I feel like we're also missing out on the highs. The wrestling scene these days is OK. The last few Wrestlemanias have been…alright. Not great, but not horrible. Raw, Smackdown, ECW and Impact, none of it is unmissable TV. Sure, every now and then we get a classic segments like the Steiner Brothers/Team 3D encounter we had this past week. But in general it's nothing to shout about.
So I've been racking my brain this week, trying to conjure up the bile and hatred I am so well-known for, and finding myself unable to do so. Instead this week, I bring to you my dear readers, several candidates for Idiocy and it will be up to you to vote on the most Idiotic.
Idiotic Candidate #1: Sting Vs Samoa Joe
Good God in Heaven when will TNA learn? I know everyone behind the scenes keeps saying "It's not Russo's fault! Honest! He barely even works here!" and I'm willing to go along with that. But if that is the case, please find me the freakin' Idiot who gives away Sting/Joe for free. FOR. FREE. Sting is perhaps the last man of his generation who is not only a legitimate legend and icon, but can still put it together and go like crazy in the ring. Joe is undeniably the next big wrestling star. The two of them can make some major money. Even if you're waiting for Joe to become established as a main event worker, wearing the TNA title, before you have a Joe/Sting match…why ruin it now? It's the same thinking that gave us Kurt Angle Vs AJ Styles for free.
You're An Idiot Because: For Some Reason You Appear To Hate Money
Idiotic Candidate #2: Scotty Mac aka Havoc
Scotty Mac who wrestles for TNA as Havoc and is part of the Raven led Seratonin group (Worst. Name. Ever.) made a huuuuuge mistake at the recent Bad News Allen Tribute Show on Friday. In front of the live crowd he ripped off his Seratonin gear and cut a promo bad-mouthing the gimmick. He stated that he "wasn't going to wrestle dressed up like a stupid comic-book character" (credit to rajah.com). Dude…seriously? Because last time I checked, Samoa Freakin' Joe got slapped around for a few comments he made at an Indy show. And he's Samoa Freakin' Joe. And also, he didn't take a figurative shit on his employer's head like you just did.
You're An Idiot Because: For Some Reason You Appear To Hate Employment
Idiotic Candidate #3: WWE Pay Per Views
Two weeks?! For real?! We've got One Night Stand III: Booty Call this Sunday, a massive two weeks since Judgement Day ended. See, first and foremost I did not buy Judgement Day. Why? Because the matches were either repeats of Backlash, which were themselves repeats of Wrestlemania, or they were thrown together out of thin air. This was the Pay Per View that gave us the awesome feud between Shawn Michaels and Randy Orton. Orton approached HBK backstage and asked him for a fight. Michaels said yes. CAN YOU FEEL THE DRAMA?! If you paid for the Pay Per View, I imagine you light all your cigarettes with dollar bills and throw away your clothes once they become dirty. So a mere two weeks after the craptacular Judgement Day we get….Yet More Judgement Day! The only entertaining part of Cena/Khali was that fact that he was the last person on the roster Cena hadn't beat. So imagine the excitement this time around when the guy-who-beats-everyone takes on a guy he's already beaten!!!
You're An Idiot Because: You Took My Money 2 Weeks Ago You Greedy Rat Bastards! Sometimes It Feels Like You Actively PUNISH Your Loyal Fans!
So hit the e-mail address and get voting! Let me know who was the Idiot Of The Week this week and hopefully….fingers-crossed….Randy Orton will torch a hotel room or something before the next time we all meet up.
Before I go I think it's worth pointing out my giddy, schoolgirl level excitement for the upcoming WWE Draft Lottery. They always deliver with some great switches and trades, and Lord knows both roster could do with some freshening up. I hope to see some mainstay of Raw like HBK or Triple H get drafted over to Smackdown, and I'd love to see Benoit make a move over to Raw where he can hopefully get back to the top of the card.
Of course if they screw this up I'll be pissed off and depressed…but at least I'll have something for the next column.
