Keys to the Game 6.02.07: One Night Stand - The Proof is in the Pudding
Posted by Joe Estee on 06.02.2007
Falls count anywhere! Steel Cages! Street Fights! Ladders! Stretchers! and Pudding!!! (Yet... no midgets...)
This Sunday night, WWE presents One Night Stand for the third time…
In 2005, One Night Stand stood as a commemorative event to recognize the indelible mark that ECW left after forcing itself into the annals of professional wrestling history. Last year, the surroundings fueled a frenzied atmosphere for the now classic encounter between John Cena and Rob Van Dam for the WWE Championship.
Regrettably, unlike its predecessors, this tri-branded 2007 edition of One Night Stand will not originate from the Hammerstein Ballroom. An unfortunate change since the atmosphere of the old ECW has been attached to this yearly event. This ambience can not be rendered at any other venue and certainly not Veterans Memorial Arena in Jacksonville, FL.
Regardless of the stage, Sunday night will nonetheless be chock-full of an assortment of stipulation matches that will all be contested under Extreme rules.
ECW WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP
BOBBY LASHLEY vs. Mr. McMAHON
STREET FIGHT
While a one on one competition between Vince McMahon and Bobby Lashley would appear to convey a clear outcome, peripheral factors must be considered.
With the legitimacy of the ECW Championship in jeopardy, Bobby Lashley has an opportunity to not only reclaim the title, but to relegate the McMahon title reign to a mere hiccup in what has otherwise been a significant year establishing the value of the championship. Still, Bobby Lashley will still face an uphill battle to complete this task on Sunday night.
Under standard conditions, Lashley would be the overwhelming favorite in this match-up. However, the rules are hardly commonplace. First off, neither Umaga nor Shane McMahon currently have a match listed for Sunday Night, meaning that their participation is all but certain. Furthermore, with this bout being contested under Street Fight conventions, the unified "Team McMahon" will have an opportunity to shape a legitimate outcome.
This brings me to my next point: as likeable as Bobby Lashley appears to be, he certainly seems to be lacking in the buddy department. Not that Santino Morella could really facilitate much of an impact, but Morella was noticeably absent during one of Lashley's recent beat-down sessions, despite Lashley single handedly propelling Morella from aficionado to Intercontinental Champion.
Vince McMahon also has considerable match experience come Sunday night, as he has competed in Street Fight contests against the likes of Shawn Michaels, Ric Flair, and Hulk Hogan.
While Bobby Lashley still holds a strong opportunity to recoup his title; it will be a thorny path.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
STEEL CAGE MATCH
EDGE vs. BATISTA
A Steel Cage Match contested under Extreme rules… Isn't that pretty much a small Hell in a Cell without a roof? In any event, this match represents Batista's latest effort to reclaim the World Heavyweight Championship. While I appreciate that Batista has a large following, and that he is very marketable commodity, I do not grasp how he continues to receive title shot after title shot. Regrettably, I feel that this is yet another example of the current state of affairs the WWE is in as a result of the recent slew of injuries. Nonetheless, Edge attempts to hold back the former two-time World Champion for the second time in a row.
While Batista's desire to regain the World Heavyweight Title may be substantial, his current state of health unfortunately is not. The Animal is just off a grueling series of matches against The Undertaker, (of which he was victorious in none) and his current weary condition was apparent at Judgment Day when he suffered a "semi-clean/semi-clothed" defeat at the hands of Edge.
Even though some of Edge's in-ring psychology will be cut off due to the constraints of the cage, I anticipate that the Rated-R Superstar will be more than prepared to take full advantage of this Extreme rules Cage Match.
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH
JOHN CENA vs. THE GREAT KHALI
Many are quick to label John Cena foolhardy as a result of not only granting The Great Khali a second crack at the WWE title, but to have actually instigated the challenge himself. Even though Cena did manage to prevail over Khali at Judgment Day, he has been otherwise besieged by the colossal Khali at every other juncture.
Despite this substandard track record against Khali, the nature of this Extreme rules contest wholly benefits the Doctor of Thugonomics. Cena has decided advantages with regards to speed, quickness, adaptability, and endurance, while Khali's capacity to inflict damage due to his size and strength are all but negated in this Extreme setting.
STRETCHER MATCH
RANDY ORTON vs. ROB VAN DAM
Randy Orton is certainly doing his part to further deplete the WWE roster. Orton was recently responsible for helping to place Shawn Michaels on the inactive list, and now looks to have his sights set on ECW's Rob Van Dam. This latest progression to regain the mantle of the Legend Killer may have amplified my alleged man-crush on one Randall Keith Orton to the point where I anticipate imminent contention for a World Championship. Hopefully next week's draft will assist in positioning Orton for a potential opportunity by SummerSlam.
As for this Sunday, look for Orton to bring this mini-feud to a swift end as even a fresh RVD would be hard pressed to contend with Orton in his current form, never mind compete in his current state of injury.
PUDDING MATCH
MELINA vs. CANDICE MICHELLE
Former WWF and WCCW promoter Paul Boesch is commonly credited with the innovation of mud wrestling, which gained popularity in the United States during the 1980's. Typically, the contest consists of two competitors placed in a mud pit where the battle for supremacy rages on until a victor is declared (Usually by pinfall or submission).
Over the years there have been a number of variations which substituted mud for other substances such as Jell-O, creamed corn, mashed potatoes, and now of course…pudding.
Originally performed in bars, nightclubs, and strip clubs, this Sunday night, WWE elevates this particular variant as part of your $39.95 Pay Per View experience when WWE Women's Wrestling Champion Melina takes on former Playboy cover girl and GoDaddy.com spokeswoman Candice Michelle in a non-title match-up.
Pudding is a type of food that consists of sugar and a thickening agent to create a desert that really renders neither combatant an advantage. And yet, the flavor may in fact determine the victor…seriously, are you still reading this?
And we here we thought that the exit of Trish Stratus and Lita would make the WWE Women's Division lose its integrity, leaving it merely a bastion of exploitation aimed at teenage boys and sweaty-palmed, overweight mother's basement cellar dwellers.
