Readers book the arrival of any WWE superstar currently on the roster going down south to TNA.
Matt: Welcome back to The Fink's Payload. I know you've been waiting impatiently all week for our triumphant return to your beloved computer screen. I am Matt Adamson, author of Destiny, and recent Buy or Sell competitor to The Boss~! Joining me this week are a couple of the craziest guys in internet fantasy land…
Rob: I'm Rob Halden, King Of The Idiots.
Dan: I am Mr. Wilcox, Master of the Screwjob and starting tonight, your LIVE Raw Recapper! *cheap plug*
Matt: Look at that dedication! Last week, we had you book the arrival of any WWE superstar currently on the roster going down south to TNA. Angelo Velotta returns to the Payload yet again to kick things off. I really appreciate his loyalty to this column even with all the changes taking place.
Here's how I'd book it.
The event is Slammiversary. The match is Jarrett vs. Roode. The two are putting on a great match when Jarrett locks on the figure four on Roode when Flair's music pipes over the PA to an immaculate reaction. Flair soaks it in for a minute but then runs down sans robe and starts chopping away at Jarrett obviously causing the DQ. Flair and Jarrett brawl for a little while when Roode comes out out of nowhere and knocks Jarrett's head off with a clothesline. Roode and Flair raise their hands together.
The next week on Impact Flair comes out to a huge reaction and then calls out Roode. After Roode comes out he calls out James Storm. After Storm he calls out Chris Harris. He looks at all three men and gives a speech about the legendary 4 Horsemen, saying how legacies have been made. He then says that was all fine and dandy but he's damn tired of putting people over instead of himself. He says he is a 16 time World Champion, and soon to be 17 time champion. He steps out of the ring and says Storm and Harris would be good picks if their was a 4 Horsemen but it's not happening with Flair. He then tells Roode he's damn lucky he saved him but the only reason he interefered was to get at Jarrett. Without further ado Jarrett comes out and the two brawl.
The following weeks build up the Flair/Jarrett feud and then the two fight in a good technical match at Victory Road with Jarrett walking away with the win. The weeks following this Jarrett tells Flair he's a legend but it might be time to hang up the boots. This only makes Flair more mad as he challenges Jarrett to a Falls Count Anywhere match at Hard Justice. This is a damn bloody affair as both of these two can bleed buckets. In the end a bloodied Flair wins. The next week Jarrett and Flair are squabbling about having the tiebreaker when Sting's music hits. Sting says he and Flair had the last ever WCW match, and he's kind of hurt that Flair hasn't gotten in his business yet. Sting is then added to the No Surrender match making it a triple threat number one contender match. The match takes place at No Surrender with Flair winning as he gets Sting to tap out while Jarrett was knocked out. Flair celebrates the next couple weeks leading up to Bound For Glory as he awaits his 17th title run.
Bound For Glory comes and the champ is finally Samoa Joe. Joe won the title in the King of the Mountain Match. This is an epic affair as the fans are torn to see Joe reign strong, but also the sentimential value of this huge Flair win. In the end Flair gets Joe in the figure four but Joe makes it to the ropes. Joe being much younger and quicker, pounces on Flair and locks on Kokina Clutch. Somehow Flair makes it to the ropes. But Joe just waits and hits a huge Samoan Drop, followed by a running knee and a Muscle Buster for the win.
The next weeks have Flair getting ready for a rematch shot against Joe at Genesis, when he says a new chapter will be written in his legacy with Joe's blood. This match at Genesis is a wild one, and Flair gets a ref bump in his favor this time and then repeatedly low blows Joe. After this he goes and gets a chair and delivers a sick shot to the back of the head of Joe. The ref gets up and Flair looks to have the win, when Jarrett runs out and pulls the ref out giving Flair a DQ win since he couldn't see Flair steal the title from Joe. Flair and Jarrett brawl as Joe recovers.
This then builds up to Turning Point where we get Jarrett vs Flair vs Joe in a hardcore match for the title. This one has so much anger and anxiety between the three to put the other two away. We get a classic match with many near falls. In the end Joe hits Jarrett with a Muscle Buster but Flair tosses Joe out of the ring and locks on the figure four dead in the middle of the ring. Jarrett has no choice but to eventually tap out and Flair is crowned with his 17th title run!
Matt: Well, to start off, that's not half bad. I think the only real problem is not in the booking but in the fact that Flair is older than dirt. Aside from that I'd watch it and probably be entertained. Change that hardcore match to something else because frankly, those guys work better outside of that hardcore environment. I love the way things turn out for Joe in this idea as it would just be so easy to hate the guy because nobody wants to see an old man get owned by a huge Samoan.
Rob: Heel Flair? Hell yes. Flair getting put over? Hell yes. I love the fact you've picked Flair and I love him going after the title. I think you've got too many three-ways in there and I'd rather see Flair/Sting given their own time to build an epic re-encounter. I think the initial way you had Flair introduced was kind of weak. He's debut in TNA needs to be on a huge scale.
Dan: What good would Ric Flair as TNA Champion be? None. I don't want to see Flair wrestling any more at all, let alone taking Muscle Busters from Samoa Joe in hardcore matches. The booking is solid, but really, I would hate to see this.
Matt: Here's Dan from Brooklyn again, who chimes in with his ideas.
I think TNA has a golden opportunity here with RVD. Their Heavyweight division is STACKED with Cage, Joe, Angle, Abyss, Jarrett, Sting, Daniels, AJ, Rhyno, etc. TNA made a name for themselves with the X-Division. RVD has been effectively wrestling X-Division style since the real ECW. You have Chris Sabin, a heel X-Champion and Alex Shelley waiting to tag with him when he drops the strap. So to build up for Victory Road, the ppv after Slammiversary, you have Sabin say he has beaten all the X-Division guys and issues an open challenge. At the ppv, Sabin comes out and demands his opponent show up. Jerry Lynn walks out and Sabin laughs. Jerry says he is just here to introduce Sabin's opponent for the night, his old friend, MR. TNA, ROB VAN DAM!!! RVD beats Sabin for the X-Title, immediately restoring some people's faith in the title, and he can feud with Sabin, Shelley, even Lynn, before bringing AJ Styles back for the "DREAM MATCH" at Bound for Glory. Simple, and I honestly think even TNA cant screw this up. Oh, never mind. Peace brothers.
Matt: Simple is always a good route to go. What I like most about this is that RVD stay in the X-Division, which will allow him to work a style that might allow him to return to his roots. It will also keep him out of the muddy waters of the World Title scene for the time being. If only you were the one booking here as we all know that TNA would blow AJ vs. RVD on free TV in a four minute match with about twenty run-ins.
Rob: Yeah, nice and simple usually works. You gave RVD's debut suitable grandiose and importance, the AJ Styles match is one of the few dream matches left available. TNA would fuck the entire thing up though. They just would. But that ain't your fault.
Dan: Nice and simple. Lots of opportunities for The Whole F'n Show down in Orlando. I say do it.
Matt: Up next, Glen gives us a taste of his ideas.
Jerry Lynn continues to have problems with Sabin and Shelley. At whatever PPV is coming up, the heels challenge Lynn to a tag match with a partner of his choosing. Speculation begins to mount as peopel begin to wonder just who Lynn's partner will be.
At the PPV, the heels are waiting in the ring, when suddenly some new music comes over the speakers. Who should come out, but a familiar face, Mr. Pay-Per-View himself, Rob Van Dam. After a hard fought match, RVD gets the pin on Chris Sabin. Setting up a feud over the X-Title (which is in need of a boost to say the least), where RVD can win the title after a failed attempt or two.
After he wins the title, he can rekindle his feud with Jerry Lynn, either out of respect or by one of them turning heel on the other.
This keeps him out of the crowded Heavyweight Title picture and gives the X-Title some much needed credibility, plus gives us some pretty new and unique match-ups.
Matt: Darn right! That's another great idea. RVD in the X-Division can only mean good things. There could be all sorts of fantastic match-ups down the road with a star like RVD involved. It can only lead to somebody getting that huge rub that the current X-Division stars need when he drops the title. It's also nice to revive a little of the past in Lynn vs. RVD, but in small doses of course.
Rob: Similar to the previous booking suggestion. I prefer this one because it has RVD earn a title shot instead of winning the belt on his first outing. And another Van Dam/Lynn match would be greatly received. I think it's pretty evident RVD needs to become the foundation of the failing X-Division.
Dan: Good booking. Well there are certainly some interesting matches to be had with the current X Division, imagine if RVD had joined a year ago when AJ, Daniels and Joe were still part of it.
Matt: Christopher Alden comes at us with his plan.
For my pick, I'll take the man of the hour, the one everybody's been speculating about, Rob Van Dam.
Over the next several weeks, Kevin Nash keeps trying to find a gimmick for Sonjay Dutt, assigning him stinker after stinker. We'll get into some really groan-inducing territory here. Finally, about the same time Van Dam's no-compete clause runs out, Nash and Lethal come down to the ring, and Nash is about to introduce the latest brain-fart he's subjecting Sonjay to. But, instead of the music he's expecting, we get Jerry Lynn's music! Lynn comes out and runs down Nash, talking about how Nash is turning the X Division into a joke and ruining everything he worked so hard to build up. Nash puts up a token effort to defend his actions, but it's really just a distraction so that Lethal and Dutt can attack Lynn from behind! The two-on-one assault starts to get the better of Lynn -- until a familiar face leaps out of the crowd for the save! It's Rob Van Dam!
Next week, Van Dam explains that he was invited to last week's show as a personal guest of Jim Cornette, and relished the chance to see the famed X Division up-close and in-person. What he saw when he got there, though, was a man that he knew well, that he'd been to war with, Jerry Lynn, who had built a labor of love that changed the world, and a washed-up, broken-down old man trying to destroy it. Van Dam can sympathize, because just recently, he, too, had to watch his own labor of love turned into a joke in the name of "sports entertainment". Van Dam announces that he has been offered a TNA contract, and he accepts it, on one condition -- that his debut match be at Victory Road, where he will team with Jerry Lynn against "Nash's boys", "Black Machismo" Jay Lethal and Sonjay Dutt! We later see Nash in Cornette's office, trying to weasel out of the match, but Cornette's not having any of it. He thinks Van Dam has a great idea, and sets the match in stone!
Hope you like this one... I figured TNA can afford to debut a WWE talent without automatically giving him a world title shot, and Van Dam would add some much needed name value and personality to the X Division (it's been sadly lacking in both since Styles, Daniels, and Joe got "promoted" out of it). Plus, he can definitely wrestle that style, as he's proven time and time again.
Matt: It seems as though there is a consensus regarding RVD's TNA future. It should be in the X-Division. I don't have a ton to add that wasn't already said in the last one, but I do like the inclusion of Kevin Nash and his part in the X-Division storyline. I absolutely love that entire angle and anything to keep it going is fine by me.
Rob: Similar territory to the one above. Man, I was hoping someone would pick Mark Henry or MVP and give us something interesting and surprising.
Dan: It seems everyone wants Van Dam in the X Division and I like this way of doing. The X Division is currently dying a slow, painful death and Van Dam can bring some life back to it.
Matt: Our final entry for this week comes from first time contributor Cody who has a little on his mind.
Oh yes. It's true. It's true. I read the Fink's Payload weekly. And I love it. But this is the first time I've ever sent anything in. But I've been told I have a very creative mind. So listen up. Because it's not going to be a star you might expect. But it is not unrealistic, either. ;) Have fun.
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TNA iMPACT!: Thursday, June 21, 2007
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Kurt Angle stands in the ring, holding the TNA Championship high above his head. He defied all odds this past Sunday at Slammiversary, defeating Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Sting and Chris Harris in the King of the Mountain match to reclaim the top prize. He picks up a microphone, and before he can say anything, boos erupt from the building.
Kurt Angle: "Yes, yes. Let me have it. Boo me right out of the building. C'mon. I want to hear it. Give me your biggest, your baddest. It doesn't matter, people. It doesn't matter. You can throw tomatoes, you can chant 'You Suck!', you can even say I cheated. There's no cheating in a King of the Mountain match! ANYTHING GOES. Just because I decided to slap Samoa Joe in the face with my gold medals does not mean I cheated. Whatever it takes, people. I stand before you your reigning TNA Champion. Forget that 'new' crap. I never lost this belt. I defeated two men at Sacrifice to win it, and was robbed of it by Jim Cornette. He was just holding it until he could find a way to let me win it back in a more dramatic fashion. And boy, did I. Two of TNA's biggest stars atop the ladder at the same time, slugging it out. Joe had the belt, and I didn't. I was holding on with everything I had, using just one hand to keep myself from tumbling over. Joe looked up, ready to hang the belt high, and I capitalized. I pulled my Olympic Gold Medals from my singlet, wrapped them around my hand, and knocked the hell out of Joe. He fell hard, the referee tossed me the belt, and I strung it up high. I just capitalized. Don't ever take your eyes off the machine, Joe."
Jim Cornette appears on the stage and begins chuckling. He just points at Kurt, trying to gather his words.
Jim Cornette: "Wow, Kurt. Just wow. I really commend you on your victory last night. I do. But there's something you have to realize. See, you've never defended a championship in TNA before. Elsewhere, maybe, but this is Total Nonstop Action, Kurt. You don't get a break. You'll be defending your title at the very next pay-per-view, Victory Road. The only question is, against who? Well I've got two options for you. Actually, nevermind that. I've got two options for myself. I can either give Joe a chance for redemption since you cheated him out of the belt, or I can crown a number one contender. Fans, what do you think?"
The fans begin chanting "Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe!"
Jim Cornette: "Well it seems the fans want Kurt vs. Joe at Victory Road."
Kurt Angle interrupts Cornette
Kurt Angle: "Woah, woah. Jim, you're really going to listen to the fans? Joe doesn't deserve a shot. And damnit, I did not cheat him out of the belt. Chairs were involved, low blows occured, and you're going to scream at me for punching a man in the face with two gold medals? That's a little outrageous. I mean, damnit, Cornette. I've got an idea. Tonight. Four men. A ladder match. Hanging above the ring is a contract to face me, Kurt Angle, for the TNA Championship at Victory Road."
Jim Cornette: "That's a fine idea, Kurt! That's one of the better ideas I've heard out of you. But I'm going to improve on your idea a little bit. Since we're looking for a number one contender, I think it should just be two men. Two of the top stars in TNA looking to prove themselves. So I'm going to tell you right now, it's going to be Samoa Joe. Samoa Joe is going to compete in the ladder match tonight, to crown a new number one contender."
Kurt Angle: "That's good. But wait, you're just going to stick Joe in the ring with a ladder and LET him climb it? Who's his opponent?"
The fans chant "Sting! Sting! Sting!"
Jim Cornette: "No, it's not going to be Sting. It's going to be a man making his TNA debut. Someone TNA has never seen before. A former World Champion, a former Tag Team Champion. Hell, Kurt. You know him. I'll give you a hint."
Suddenly, a man dressed in a polo t-shirt and jeans slides into the iMPACT! zone and grabs Kurt from behind. He takes Kurt to the mat, and locks him in....The Crippler Crossface!!! The fans explode as they realize that it's Chris Benoit! Chris Benoit has arrived in TNA and has Kurt Angle locked in the Crossface! Angle taps rabidly, but Benoit has the hold cinched in. Jim Cornette just kind of chuckles, and heads backstage.
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Later that night...
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Benoit & Joe have gone for a solid 12 minutes, in what could be described as a small spectacle. The ladder is in the corner, and both men are on the floor outside. Benoit is first to his feet, and delivers a few stiff chops to Joe's chest. Benoit rolls Joe in the ring and climbs the apron, stomping at Joe before climbing in and stomping a few more times. Benoit goes to the corner to grab the ladder, when Kurt Angle slides in the ring and slams Benoit into the ladder, and follows up with the Olympic Slam!! Benoit is out, and Angle just stands over him with a serious look on his face. Joe comes up from nowhere and bashes Kurt, and the two start slugging it out. Angle has Joe backed up in the corner and is punching him in the face. He sets Joe up on the top, and backs up. He runs in, leaps onto the turnbuckle and executes an Olympic Slam from the top rope! Both men are flat on their backs in the center of the ring! Angle is able to get to his feet using the ropes, but Benoit is up and executes a German Suplex on Angle! He keeps the hands locked, and follows up with a second consecutive!! He repeats the process one final time and uses the release German to send Kurt flying and rolling from the ring. Benoit sets the ladder up, and climbs to the top. Joe is still not up, and Benoit looks over toward him. It almost seems as if Benoit feels sympathy for Joe being screwed by Angle, once again. The thought passes quickly, and Benoit rips the contract from the hook and captures the number one contendership. He does the cut-throat taunt as his music plays and iMPACT! goes off the air.
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Well that's what I've got for you. A shocker. Benoit in TNA. I know it was rumored a couple years back when his contract was about to end, but once he resigned it kind of fell out. So I figured it'd be cool to see how he'd insert himself into the TNA picture now. Hey. Expect more mail from me like this. I love The Fink's Payload. LOVE it.
Matt: If this could happen right now it would be the greatest thing. It would be an even greater moment if it was kept a secret like the Angle signing was. I can't think of enough awesome matchups that could come from Benoit being the guy to jump and this is a great way to introduce him in TNA. Surprise Surprise Surprise! I'm glad you're enjoying the Payload and if you can keep pumping out tremendous ideas such as this, keep em' coming.
Rob: Now that's more like it! I was actually trying to work out who you'd pick when Cornette was describing him! Good stuff here, although I'll criticize having another ladder match right after King Of The Mountain, especially when Joe Vs Benoit in a standard match would be ten-times more awesome. I think it's a shame no one picked a WWE guy to come in a job, because that's what TNA needs. As I've said many times before, we don't need Angle, RVD or Benoit coming in and taking the spotlight away from Joe, Styles and Daniels.
Dan: Ha! The audacity! If this happened, the IWC would go crazy – you put an ex-WWE guy over Samoa Joe, you crazy bastard! But if I can be serious for a minute… good way to introduce Benoit. A Benoit vs. Angle feud in TNA would be awesome.
Matt: Well, now it's that time again where we get to do our own bit of fantasy booking. I already did a little of my own this week in Destiny relating to the future of All Japan's Triple Crown, so I'm focused and ready to go. First, I would love for it to be Benoit, but I'm going to go the gamut and say it's Rey Mysterio. Since he is so plagued with injuries I can see this is being an option for him at some point. So, it has to start on Impact as I can't stand that they always lead on the fans about some huge WWE jump that will be revealed on their next PPV, only for it to be Mike Tenay making some lame announcement. You won't see that kind of lazy booking from me.
The first thing I'd do is have teasers, audio messages sent to whoever is the X-Division champ, who I'd prefer to be AJ Style in full heel mode. The thing about these audio messages is that they are all obviously from Konnan and everybody is just so geared for this to be an unbelievable disappointment. A month goes by and Konnan makes his big return after some time off only to reveal that he isn't in fact the wrestler gunning for the X Title. He leaves it at that until he convinces Cornette to give his man a shot at the X Title at Bound For Glory. Nobody has a clue, but it turns out to be Rey. They actually have the match when it's supposed to happen, on the PPV. That's about it. How about you guys…
Rob: Much like an earlier suggestion, Chris Sabin claims to have beaten everyone in the X-Division and lays out an open challenge for the PPV for any wrestling from anywhere in the world to take him on. As the crowd chant "R-V-D!" as loud as they can…William Regal makes his TNA debut. Regal redefines the X-Division with his hard, stiff style in much the same way Samoa Joe did a year ago, reminding everyone that the X-Division is not about cruiserweights but about unique wrestling style. Wrestling as Steven Regal, he is allowed to go full English heel and stretch out the light-heavyweights. Soon enough he adds Dave Taylor to his side and brings Bobby Eaton out of retirement to join him in a new version of the Blue Bloods.
Dan: I think I'll go a different route than the way everybody else has gone and book someone no-one wants to see in TNA. It's Slammiversary, the match – a four way dance for TNA's X Division championship. Champion Chris Sabin, and his challengers Alex Shelley, Jay Lethal and Sonjay Dutt are going at it when a buzz starts to come from one corner of the Impact Zone. Cameras check out what's going on and we can see, towering above the heads of the fans, a 724 monster from India. It's The Great Khali! He easily steps over the guard rail and gets in the ring. He proceeds to destroy the X Division competitors and ends the destruction by hitting a choke bomb on ‘Black Machismo' Jay Lethal. Similar incidents occur each week on Impact until after about a month of this, Kevin Nash comes out. He gets in Khali's face and cuts the following promo.
Nash: Just who the hell do you think you are? Leave my bitches alone, bitch! You may have beaten a bunch of no names in WWE but these are MY no names, asshole!
Khali then daringly choke bombs a fallen Sonjay Dutt who was laying in the ring after another Khali attack. Nash stares him down as he does it, then grabs Shark Boy who had also already been beaten. He jackknife powerbombs him. Khali picks Dutt back up, and throws him to Nash who powerbombs him. Nash grabs Shark Boy and hands him to Khali who chokebombs him. They shake hands and leave together, the X Division is dead.
This weeks homework: Book the upcoming WWE draft lottery.
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