Just S'pose 6.14.07
Posted by Ron Gamble on 06.14.2007
The management of Just S'pose would like to apologize for the following apology. Also, "The World" returns for this special rant!
Before I give you my thoughts on anything else, I have some official business to which I must attend.
Last week, in my column, I wrote something about Hulk Hogan beating Greg Carson in his first match in World Class Championship Wrestling. Again, please remember my column is about imagining alternate histories, so this match did not take place in Dallas, or, to the best of my knowledge, anywhere else.
On Wednesday, I received an email from Anton Hiscock, Attorney at Law, representing Greg Carson. Quoting from the email, "While my client, Mr. Greg Carson, is a frequent reader and does enjoy said columns, he has become somewhat offended by your recent portrayals of his career. While Mr. Carson did not have the career success of a Hulk Hogan or Ric Flair he did have a moderately successful 18 year career. Your constant portrayal of Mr. Carson as a, in the vernacular of the business, "jobber" has brought much emotional and professional damage to his current line of work as a greeter in the Menominee Casino on the Menominee Indian Reservation."
I must clear something up. I was a fan of Greg Carson back when he was part of the "jobber corps" of the WWWF around 1979, along with SD Jones, Nick Busick (later Big Bully Busick), Barry Hart (later Barry Horowitz), Lee Wong (from Hong Kong), Mac Rivera (later Jose Luis Rivera), and so many others. I also did my best to follow him around the country through the "Apter Mags," and was happy whenever I'd read about him winning this title or that title. When he returned to the WWF in 1983 with his brother, Bill, as "The Carsonogens," I was happy to see him finally winning matches when I could see him. To Mr. Carson, I do apologize for any offense taken. I am a fan, and was doing what I could to bring your name back into the spotlight. Any mention of your name in here was done with respect. I hope this clears up any misunderstanding. Also, now that I know where you are, that gives me one more reason to want to make a trip to Milwaukee. I mean, Greg Carson is at Menominee Casino, and the Brewers are in first place? Get me to Wisconsin!
Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. This weekend, I will be taking part in the local Relay For Life for the American Cancer Society. I will be walking in honor of my niece, Chloe, who is preparing for her fifth and (hopefully) final dose of chemotherapy for leukemia, and my cousin Mike, who has colon cancer. My grandfather also died of lung cancer and black lung disease in 1979. If you would like to help me raise money to fight cancer, click here and type in my name as the participant. I promise you, my real name is "Ron Gamble." You will see my fundraising goal is $100, but as you might imagine, I'll take as much as possible. By donating online, the money goes straight to the ACS, which means you don't have to worry about me skimming some off the top for water or popcorn. Thank you in advance, and if I can access a list of donators, I will thank you all personally next time.
Anyway, take this!
THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY IS, WELL, THAT GUY
The two bitter enemies fought a bloody battle in a steel cage for over fifteen minutes. One man, the teacher, had been in too many steel cage matches to count. His protege and opponent was in his first cage match, but he caught on to the brutality quickly. Both men were bleeding heavily, and both were exhausted. They were fighting in front of a huge throng of bloodthirsty fans in Pittsburgh, the hometown of one, and the adopted hometown of the other.
Suddenly, one man, with a rush of adrenaline, threw his opponent into the cage, who fell between the cage and the ropes. He walked to the door, threw a salute to the other man, and left the cage, winning the match. The crowd gasped at the conclusion. They had never seen the older man lose a cage match before. On this night, the student finally overtook the teacher.
In the world we know, Larry Zbyszko bloodied his mentor, Bruno Sammartino, in 1980 by hitting him over the head with a chair several times. In ensuing matches all over the WWF territory, Sammartino beat Zbyszko, normally by countout. The feud concluded with Bruno winning a cage match in Shea Stadium, New York, on August 9, 1980. Their first cage match, in Pittsburgh, took place on June 13, 1980, and was won by Bruno. But, Just S'pose Larry Zbyszko beat Bruno Sammartino in their first cage match. What might have happened?
News of Zbyszko's victory in Pittsburgh spread through the territory over the syndicated television show. Announcer Vince McMahon spoke in hushed tones, shocked that his former broadcast partner lost a match in Pittsburgh. The next week, Bruno returned to the broadcast booth, swearing revenge for the defeat in their rematch at Shea Stadium.
On August 9, Bruno and Larry met for their final match, again in a cage, at Shea. Again, after fifteen minutes, Zbyszko won the match. While taking a victory lap around the ring, Sammartino left the cage, caught up to Zbyszko, and raised his hand. The torch had been passed.
Two weeks later on television, while Zbyszko was beating Mac Rivera, the camera caught Tony Garea, his former tag team partner, in the crowd. After the match, Vince McMahon went to ringside and asked Garea to join him. Garea said he was here to see firsthand what was going on with Zbyszko, and unfortunately, it was all true. Zbyszko returned and beat Garea bloody.
On September 1, the two former partners met at Madison Square Garden. It was another brutal affair, won by Zbyszko with his new finishing maneuver, the Octopus, which he had seen used by Antonio Inoki on a tour of Japan. Larry continued beating all competition, always egging the crowd to boo him more.
On December 8, at Madison Square Garden, they held their annual battle royal, with the winner getting a shot at the WWF title later in the card. Zbyszko spent much of the match on the ring apron, avoiding contact with everyone. Because he went through the ropes instead of over the top rope, he could legally jump to the arena floor without being eliminated. When Tony Atlas eliminated Moondog Spot, Larry ran quickly into the ring and dumped Atlas over the top and to the floor, winning the match and the title shot. Later that night, Larry Zbyszko defeated Bob Backlund to become the new WWF World champion.
Larry defended the title against Tony Atlas, Pedro Morales, and even Bruno, who had to grudgingly admit that his former protege was "a deserving champion." The three managers in the WWF -- Freddie Blassie, Lou Albano, and The Grand Wizard -- bid for his services, until The Wizard bought out any claims by Albano and Blassie. His reign was uneventful until the return of former champion Superstar Billy Graham to the WWF in June 1981. Graham returned to his former manager, The Grand Wizard, and challenged Zbyszko for the belt which he felt he was cheated out of by Backlund. Zbyszko accepted the match, saying he promised he would take on all challengers. Grand Wizard said he would allow the match, but would stay neutral.
The match took place on July 13 at Madison Square Garden, and was shown nationally on USA Network. Both men fought hard and dirty, and Zbyszko won the match by pulling the tights. After the match, Graham was incensed he was cheated out of the title again, and attacked Zbyszko. The Wizard entered the ring and helped Graham beat on the WWF champion. For the first time in over a year, Larry Zbyszko was hearing the cheers of the crowd.
He was now defending the title against Graham, Jimmy Snuka, Don Muraco, Ken Patera, and Bob Orton. He won his cage match against Snuka when he hit Snuka low, then stepped over him to leave through the cage door. He was still the same dirty wrestler, but now, he was dirty against the right people. His toughest challenge came against Big John Studd, which Zbyszko won by taking out Studd's left knee, then tying him up in the ropes and kicking his knee until Studd couldn't stand.
In August 1982, Bob Backlund returned to challenge Zbyszko for the title, and the match took place at Shea Stadium in New York. During the match, Larry rediscovered his love for scientific wrestling, and he and Backlund went to a 90-minute time limit draw. The crowd of 63,000 gave them a standing ovation at the end of the match, and both men celebrated together.
In October 1983, Zbyszko lost the WWF title to Greg Valentine, who lost it two months later to the returning Hulk Hogan. Zbyszko soon left the WWF and held several regional titles in Georgia, Texas, the Carolinas, and Canada before joining the AWA in 1986. He won the AWA Tag Team titles with Greg Gagne and Brad Rheingans before retiring in 1988. He became a well-respected commentator for the AWA and WCW. Today, he lives in Florida, is a member of the PGA Champions Tour, and has won three tournaments on the tour.
WELCOME BACK, MY FRIENDS, TO THE SHOW THAT TEMPORARILY ENDED
Excuse me while I trade my imagination cap for my ranting fedora. And... there.
I watched Raw on Monday, the first time in almost one year. I watched because I wanted to see what would happen with the draft, and where Chris Benoit would end up this year. Plus, I thought I would see how things had changed, and decide if I should start watching again. When McMahon's limo exploded, I thought, "... Huh?"
I tuned in to the beginning of ECW Tuesday night, just to see where they could possibly go from there, and I found out quickly: the gutter.
After the inevitable recap of events on Monday, the ring announcer asked the live crowd in Philadelphia to please stand for a moment of silence for Mr. McMahon. If they had kept it like that, I would have been fine. Instead, they gave him the honorary ten bell count.
For those not sure, this is an honor given to wrestlers who have died. It is a way of showing respect for a fallen warrior. It was done after the deaths of Brian Pillman, Owen Hart, and Eddy Guerrero. By tolling the bell for the "death" of a character, they cheapened the meaning of that respectful gesture, and they did it to continue a storyline that really has nowhere to go.
How do they explain it the next time McMahon shows up in public? He had an evil twin? The one that blew up was an automaton? It was all a dream? Steffy has been advertising for soap opera writers for so long, it was inevitable someone would "die" like this. But to ring the bell in his "memory?"
Pardon me while I crank up this very rare use of foul language.
By ringing that bell, McMahon has pissed on the memory of Guerrero, Hart, Pillman, and every other wrestler who has ever had the bell toll in their memory. By ringing that bell, he has taken a big old shit on one of the very few wrestling traditions that had not been fouled by Vince's desire to remake professional wrestling in his image. Finally, by forcing the live crowd to stand and forcing the viewing crowd to watch, he has shot his load into the face of every single fan who continues to swallow everything that comes from Stamford.
I promise, I'm done with the childish language. For now.
I'm even more disturbed by the reaction of Joey Styles and Taz to the live crowd. "A lack of respect from the crowd," Taz? The lack of respect came from your bosses for telling you to sell this steaming pile of crap, and from you for following orders. I thought you were supposed to be respectful of wrestling history. Instead of being disrespectful to McMahon's "memory," the live crowd was telling you they weren't buying it. You and Joey knew that, yet instead of admitting it, which is what Joey would have done in the old, good ECW, the two of you continued to sell.
I said I was done watching anything from the WW before. I made the mistake of giving them one more chance. Fool me once...
IS THIS ALL THERE IS?
Yes. Next time, back to just supposin' alone. I promise.
