Wrestling’s 4R’s 6.22.07: RETRO Vengeance, The Endless Vince is Death Angle, Benoit Impacts ECW, TNA False Advertises, Gives Away a Big Return and More!
Posted by Larry Csonka on 06.22.2007
There is so much to talk about this week. Some good, some fine, and some stupid. No guests this week, I’m going to have fun.
The 4R's of wRestling
Introduction~!
-Welcome back kids for another edition of Wrestling's 4R's! As always I am Larry Csonka, along with me is my tag team partner "The Whole Geoffin Show" Geoff Eubanks. It is time again for that walk through the wild world of wrestling TV that we take each and every week. I would like to thank Wilcox and Minotti for joining the column last week. They did a fine job and it was greatly appreciated. But I am back and better than ever with tons of piss and vinegar inside, so I think it is just best to get down to work. Oh, and download the podcast. The wife and I had a BLAST!
TNA SLAMMIVERSARY Podcast~!
We're back again, the wife and myself to discuss the TNA 5th Slammiversary show! We'll discuss the good that was TNA, the bad that was TNA and the people in TNA that need to be castrated as soon as humanly possible! Dear Christi returns, we'll also discuss Deadliest Catch, The Tudors and "THE LIST~!"
If that doesn't work, copy and paste the following link into your browser and you'll be fine: http://www.sendspace.com/file/czbbjh
How the 4R's of wRestling Work!
Here is a quick explanation of the 3 R's. I will take the 4 main shows (5 if I go RetRo) of the week: TNA Impact, WWE Raw, ECW on Sci-Fi and WWE Smackdown. If we have a PPV, that show will get a special PPV edition of the R's all to its own. I then group my feelings on the shows in various categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and need discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied or go the wrong way the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles, Diva searches and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come, unless you are TNA. They have a special R all of their own, the 6th R; the Russo-FN-Riffic~!
This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a "mark" column, nor a "smark" column, I cannot speak for Geoff, but my goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. There are also occasions where I will bring out a 4th, 5th or even a 6th R to the column, so beware of those~! I will not apologize for my opinions, they are as they are, whether very positive or negative.
iMpact!:
iMpact 6.14.07:
The Right:
NADDA~!
puRgatory:
The Steiner's, Damaja & Basham w/Hemme vs. VKM & Team 3-D - Impact kicked off last week with an 8-man tag. I am actually a fan of these matches on the go home shows to further feuds, without giving away too much of the upcoming matches. They all get time, they combine angles and things can get done. Rick wore some pants and a shirt, which was fine as they looked good and he apparently wanted the time to work out a bit before the PPV; I am ok with this. He had the old school headgear, which warmed my heart as an old school fan. They had a match, it was a fine bout and everyone got to look good. They waited until "late" in the bout before 3D and the Steiner's had the big confrontation, they brawled momentarily and were broken up by the others, so not much was given away, which is a good thing. They went full bore the last 30-seconds, Hemme used the GIMMICKED HAIRSPRAY OF DOOM and Kip got pinned. This did an effective job of pushing both feuds, and not giving away too much for the Steiner's vs. 3D feud, which wasn't happening. That's the big point here. Once again TNA did nothing to change the pre-taped show this week, and still hyped a match they knew was not happening. They ran at least two promo packages on Impact last week hyping the 3D vs. Steiner's TNA Tag Title Match. The Steiner injury happened VERY early in the PREVIOUS week, so to me there is NO EXCUSE for NOT changing the show. They have made quicker edits in the past and should have here. The match will not take place, it will end up being false advertising because Scott Steiner may be out until late this year, early next year. The fact that this got through was bad, and since I have bashed WWE for shit like this before, I shall do the same with TNA. FOR SHAME~!
The wRong:
Last Chance King of the Mountain Match/Daniels and Sting - This was one of those things that might be good in concept, but not that great in execution, or something like that. They have Cornette going around all pissed off and demanding that Joe, Angle and AJ meet him for a meeting. He told them that he loved seeing them kill each other, and since they have been threatening to do so he would make them tag, with their KOTM spots on the line. He said he hoped that they didn't work together and actually did cripple one another, because it would bring him pleasure and that he is all about the ratings. The irony of Cornette saying he is all about ratings makes me cry. Anyway, they faced off with Rhino and Sting. Tomko was to be on the team and was shown beaten down backstage. Not only was he beaten down, but also he was upside down on steps with 9,000 feet of cable wrapped around him. Nothing is simple in TNA. So they had the match, AJ gets tossed in by Joe and Angle and all I could think was, "Why don't they leave and let AJ be devoured by the wolves." I mean, come on, if they leave, AJ is in and legal, he has no one to tag and is fucked while they are safe. Makes sense to me, why does no one ever take the easy way out? But hey had a match, and they got the heat on Sting and Daniels rushed to the ring to help Sting, because after he took his ass beating like a man and they had the calm discussion the week before, he was a changed man. Sting dove and tagged him, and in predictable fashion turned right away, hit the last rites and left. Then, Joe and Angle fought over who got to pin Sting, and Angle got it. And it was 3-minutes long after commercial. Why? I don't know about this shit sometimes. Make me care TNA.
Christian vs. Abyss - Why oh WHY TNA do you do this? Let's Tarintino back a bit shall we? They run the BIG beat down on Abyss by the Christian Coalition. A brutal beat down, the best beat down that has ever happened in TNA. Then, they actually followed it up and kept him off of TV for WEEKS. They were doing everything right in the angle. Now, when they bring him back, they should either have some form of hype, or hew should have reappeared at the PPV where he could have FUCKED Cage and AJ in retaliation from the beat down. But no. They have him comeback on FREE TV, with ZERO BUILD for a match with Cage, and that he ended up losing. Now granted, they did the DQ finish that protects Abyss, which was fine. BUT in context, when you look back on the show previous and Storm and Harris fought all over the building, bloodying each other and using weapons with no DQ, it lacks logic. Some will say, "They gave them extra rope because of the death match." Well, doesn't Abyss earn some extra rope after the vicious beat down he sustained? Some continuity is all I ask from these promotions.
The Ridiculous:
Nadda~!
SmackDown!: By: "The Whole Geoffin Show" Geoff Eubanks
SmackDown 6.15.06 First things first. Since no one else appears concerned with displaying proper respect for human life, I'm compelled to open this week with the deepest condolences to the Russell family in regard to the tragic and most untimely passing of Sherri "Martel" Russell. As is sadly the case with our heroes and villains of the bygone age of the ‘80s, speaking personally, I was too much a mark to really appreciate many of the performers of the day and it is sadly only in retrospect that I come realize how truly great some of them really were. Sherri was just such a talent. 49 is much too early for someone to die, especially when she appeared to be still so vibrant and full of life when she participated in the angle with Shawn Michaels only a couple years ago, as well as when she was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. It seemed to me she could have signed on to resume managerial duties with the aim of assisting a young talent in getting over. This was simply terrible, terrible news, and I, for one, was shocked and upset to hear that still another professional wrestling legend had passed much too soon. God bless you, Sherri, and may you find peace.
On a lighter note, I want to thank everyone who responded so kindly to last week's French lesson, by name, Rick, Brian Sinclair, Kevin Stitt, Floyd Hartlett, Donald Partlow, Chad Rogers, Heather Bennet, DJ Strong, Martin Inch (‘allo, mate!), Bradley Areida, "dreamer4er" and Brandon Hendrix (awesome name, dood).
Furthermore, these folks require some special notes:
Duncan Newton-Gaines was not only the first to reply, but, in a valiant effort to cheer me up, sent me the following link:
Thanks, Duncan! This received a hearty guffaw and was quite a hit at work. You, sir, fucking RULE.
Then there's Michael Cromb, who was kind enough to e-mail me with the correct translation as he nursed a (no doubt) well-earned hangover, preparing for his mother's wake. Mr. Cromb, you sound like a fine man and, again, my heartfelt condolences to you and your family. While things are most certainly not going my way, you are living my nightmare. You've got a friend here at the R's, for certain.
Last and certainly not least, the enigmatic Steve B weighed in with the following:
"Great thoughts on Smackdown! and entertaining as usual. It's good to see someone so passionate about the business to tell it like it is every week and not sugarcoat it. This is the first time I've written to any of the writers at 411 to let them know how much I enjoy reading their columns. Yourself, Dunn and the Hidden Highlights boys are some of my favorites.
"Your French sentence means "I live in a world of shit," although to be more grammatically correct about it, it should probably be: "j'habite dans un monde de merde." But hey, I'm Canadian, so that's not really fair is it?"
Well, as Joan Crawford said before she started beating the shit out of her adopted daughter in "Mommie Dearest", "Ah, yes, but nobody said that life is fair, Tina." Thanks for kindly setting me straight, Steve! Now I can be elegantly emo in proper fashion.
Slammy's all around, friends; thanks for playing along and, where appropriate, for the kind words. For the record, no, things really are not getting better. I was at karaoke Tuesday night and, as I was on stage singing "Nobody Knows" by P!nk, I realized as I'm singing, reading the words on the huge flat screen across the bar from me, that the song really was speaking to me and it kinda threw me for a moment and I had to think on my feet to get back on track. Combine that with the other song with which I truly relate Right now, "Love Is Dead" by the incomparable Brett Anderson, and you kinda get an idea where I'm at. And, of course, I have no idea how to put things Right. So I'll just be wry, bitchy and, hopefully, humorous and insightful here in the R's and go about my business.
However, before we venture into the post-draft wasteland, I want to share some quotes that stood out to me as I watched WrestleMania III for the FIRST (yes, FIRST) time yesterday:
"I'm sure Little Beaver is injured!" – Gorilla Monsoon
"The Dog is on all fours, his favorite position!" – Gorilla Monsoon
"Moolah, I'm giving to you the Crown Jewels." – Bobby Heenan
"Savage is chasing The Dragon!" – Okay, okay, no one really said this, but I wanted to hear it, especially since it would explain a LOT.
Finally, Ashish is the fucking MAN for posting that old school youtube clip of Vince on Letterman…I most certainly needed that laugh today. For those who may have missed it, here's the link:
Also, please notice in the same post that Vince will be receiving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame next year for his superior contributions to American television. Yeah, like DYING. I don't usually make a practice of pissing on an open sidewalk, but, well, there's always a case for making an exception, isn't there…?
The Right:
When has futility been so fun…? – Although it seems to me the #1 Contender's match for the CWT featuring Jimmy Wang Yang, Shannon Moore, Daivari and Jamie Noble was a straight up BLAST, just the kind of match of which we REALLY need more on SD!, it seemed a dead issue, really, as the two non-title clean singles pinfalls (to say nothing of the clean tag team pins) JWY has managed to rack up against CWC Chavo Guerrero since WrestleMania should have automatically put him in line for a shot at the belt, it was great to see Noble and Moore on TV!!! I'll be damned, Noble hasn't made two consecutive weeks on TV since Pat Patterson only wore a D cup. Hopefully this is a harbinger for at least a compulsory attempt at resuscitating the CW Division, although, considering Noble still walks the aisle to the old Pitbulls entrance music and we've apparently (and mercifully) dropped Moore's "Prince of Punk" gimmick, (though without really doing much to move him on away from it), I've not much hope. Fool me once, shame on you…
And, yes, I am a card-carrying Moore-on, but it appeared to me that Moore was quite a bit more over than others reporting on this match elsewhere here on 411 would have you believe. There's facts and there's opinions, and it seems to me there should be a prevailing responsibility to uphold the integrity of such difference, although considering the sad joke Wrestler of the Week has become, I'm not surprised at bullshit like this.
Oh, yeah, good riddance, Daivari. Enjoy filling Eugene's spot on Raw.
Lashley is JBL's barber…?! – JBL, during the Matt Hardy/William Regal match tonight informed us that he and Vince McMahon shared the same barber, giving Michael Cole the opportunity to diss JBL's hair. Quite frankly, there's no one at ringside or in the ring (and that includes Charles Robinson) who can throw stones in their glass barbershop, although only The Undertaker rocks a widow's peak harder than Matt Hardy.
More of the same this week in Hardy's regard. Great match, consistency remains the order of the day as Regal targeted the still-not-100% ribs to great effect and we were treated to a fun, rugged outing in Regal's final SD! appearance, Regal, ever the gentleman, going out on his back. JBL proclaimed that Hardy is "simply on the roll of his career" during the bout, but I have to take issue with this statement. While, yes, I'm Hardy's biggest flag waver in the IWC week-in and –out, Hardy NEEDS a solid program if he's going to go anywhere, and he NEEDS to be elevated. He's one of the most consistently over people in the business, has worked his ass off to reach the level he's achieved and deserves to be appropriately rewarded for his love and dedication to his craft and not simply be relegated to being the reliable hand who can have the match of the night with anyone thrown his way to help get them over at his own consequence; always the bridesmaid and never the bride, so to speak. Hopefully once the Draft dust settles, we'll see just this come to pass. Best wishes to Regal as he ventures back to the hodge-podge assortment of random talent Raw has become…you deserve gold, good sir!
BTW, did it seem to anyone else that Hardy was sending a shout-out to his injured fellow North Carolinian Gregory Helms by teasing a Vertebreaker set-up on Regal…? Had he actually hit that motherfucker, I'd have shot a load across the room. Also, points to JBL for mentioning Terry "Bam Bam" Gordy…FREEBIRDS are ALWAYS sold in The R's. Incidentally, what happened to THE DALTON BOYS, the team which included Gordy's son to whom Thaddeus Long had granted a try-out a month or so ago? I read they were bumped the following week due to time constraints, but there's been no follow-up since…?
puRgatory:
I'm a chronic prognosticator – I'm going to combine the matches involving MVP versus Batista and Edge versus Ric Flair because I think I see where we're headed here. Judging from Batista's reaction when Naitch was drafted to SD! and considering the fact that he could truly stand to brush up on all that he learned from Flair and Trips during his EVOLUTION tenure, it seems to me a very wise decision to pair them up once again. As MVP has squared off on TV against Batista (for better and worse) the past two weeks and will defend the UST against Flair this Sunday, it seems to me we may be seeing these four engaged with one another, possibly throughout the summer, which I think could be a very good thing, especially since MVP only stands to excel even further by being associated with the WC Edge and in working with Flair.
So, why place this in puRgatory instead of up higher? Well, although in theory this situation smells peachy, we're kinda getting off to a rough start. MVP/Batista was better this week than last, and Edge/Flair was better than both those previously stated matches combined, this all should have been of MUCH higher quality, considering the level of talent involved. I have faith that we're planting some solid seeds here and that we'll see a good story and increased quality in the ring, but as it stood tonight, I'll remain optimistically skeptical.
BTW, as long as I'm prognosticating, I expect Big Dave to be cheated out his Last Chance match this Sunday.
Domino bled and I didn't get to see it…?! – Sometimes you just can't win. I'd have loved to have seen that schmuck get clocked and juice hard way. I think I can be owed that much, Right….? I suppose, considering the fact that Brian Kendrick and Paul London were drafted to Raw, it was technically the Right thing to do to have them put over the reigning Tag Chumps, Lenny & Squiggy. I mean, I called William Regal a gentleman for lying down for Matt Hardy, I should exercise consistency, shouldn't I?
This final match was booked about as well as one could ask to be, although, as I feared, we're beginning to see a trend where D&D are concerned; Deuce hands out the punishment, because he's the only one of the two who has anything resembling an offense, whereas Domino makes the saves and sells for their opponents. Not bad for a five-minute TV contest, but any more time allotted than that and things will break down and get ugly. Not really what I want to see or expect out of titleholders, but then again, I suppose it worked for The Honky-Tonk Man, who is also one of the biggest shams in the annals of professional wrestling history.
The wrong:
Naada - Although nothing was flat out wRong, there was PLENTY that was…
The Ridiculous:
Gomer Pyle was drafted, too - I received the following from the wise and astute Brian Bryant:
"First of all, I want to say AMEN, BROTHER!!! the whole SmackDown! "raping" as you rightfully call it, did take place. The best they've got now is MVP, Batista, Edge and maybe their tag (provided that London & Kendrick get the belts back) & cruiserweight divisions. Benoit "going back home" was something that could be a good/bad thing in my opinion. He could've stayed blue/silver and had a chance to win one of those 3 titles, but now he has only one to compete for on WWECW! Next, the new Power Couple ( Booker & Sharmell, King & Queen) was dominating the SmackDown! show when he was WC, then he loses it to Batista, gets screwed out of a MitB win after a great performance, suffers an injury and gets put out of action. It was good to see him back on TV after a few months. He was one of the main reasons to watch SmackDown! on Friday nights. I hope this tweener thing works into a face turn now that he's on RAW. Maybe he'll go back to being Booker T again. He should have one more WC face run before giving it up. He should have been a 7X champ by now. There's still time. Finally, Mr. Kennedy is one of if not the best things that ever happened to the 'E. He's charismatic, has great wrestling skills, and superb mic work. The Kennedy/Edge feud should've happened, with Kennedy working up to a face turn. That could still happen now even though he's on RAW, provided these "lines" stay blurred. To sum it all up, RAW will be better now that this 3-Pack of talent ( Booker and Sharmell count as one ) is there, Booker is a pot of not just gold, but PLATINUM, Kennedy is steadily on the come up, and Benoit breaks even. SmackDown! takes major hits again, and WWECW remains the same but should get more interesting."
Thanks, Brian, and, yes, I definitely feel what you're saying and will hit you back soon…thanks for sharing your thoughts! You've been R-ified! (In Brian's defense, as you've likely surmised, I received this e-mail prior to the results of the supplemental draft, which is why London & Kendrick are mentioned in SD!'s regard.)
Watching Raw on Monday was like being the pathetic vagabond character who falls in love with the princess whose royal parents steal her away into a pre-arranged marriage to a wealthy prince in some made-for-Disney Channel movie, except, not only is there no happy ending (so to speak), but poor said vagabond is forced to sit and view the loveless marital consummation as the morbid curiosity of what he's missing gets the better of him. If the results of the draft sent me headlong into a dour mood Monday morning, watching Raw that night flung me headlong into an aggressive depression. As far as I was concerned, Raw was little more than a posthumous infomercial entitled, "Hey, dipshit, check out what you've been missing on SD!".
So how do we proceed on Friday nights? I've already detailed my thoughts regarding how to use Edge, MVP, Batista and Ric Flair. I also think it might be a good thing to pair up Torrie Wilson with Naitch, simply because it's consistent with his character to have a chick with him and they do have history on Raw…as long as she doesn't "wrestle". Or talk. Or think…well, no problems there, I suppose.
I think Matt Hardy and Kenny Dykstra have potential as foils for one another. They have something of a similar style and, as such, Hardy, being the veteran he is, stands to impart a lot of knowledge to the rookie. Plus, by the time they wind down, there's a likely-hood that we could see some smoking hot matches. Might not be a bad idea to introduce returning Rey Mysterio into this mix, as well.
If there's a God, we'll get Finlay and Dave Taylor stiffing the living hell out of one another. I'm really concerned about Taylor's status with Regal gone to Raw. I can truly see McMahonagement forgetting about him and that would be an absolute shame, because he's fundamentally sound and a legitimate tough bastard with some solid size to his frame. With Finlay and The Little Bastard likely turning face, it's a prefect time to make this happen and keep it going till Bob Holly heals and returns as a pissed-off, out for himself asshole…you know, just bein himself. Tell me those matches wouldn't kick wicked ass? I also like the mental picture I'm getting the first time Holly is confronted with The Bastard *cue laugh track*.
Obviously we're heading to a CWT showdown between Shabbo and The Wanger…all good there. What needs to occur, though, is to continue to have Shannon Moore, Jamie Noble and Funaki (the remainder of the CW division) fight it out consistently on TV for the shot at whoever emerges the champion at the PPV. Noble and Moore's individual characters need to be hammered out and solidified, as well, so we have reason to care about them.
Victoria, Michelle McCool and Kristal could have a nice little ladies' special attraction thing going on the side, too, and McCool, who has really impressed me in Ashley's absence, could stand to really improve further from working with someone of Victoria's stature. I'm pleased to see Victoria join us on the silver and blue, as she was going nowhere on Raw and is an incredibly underrated performer. Her presence lessens the blow of losing my favorite woman, Jigglin Hall, whom I shall miss TERRIBLY.
And now for the black holes of the roster. I say, just stick Mark Henry, Khali, Kane and Chris Masters in a program so we can get rid of them all in one segment and try to move on and forget about it. And from the integrity London & Kendrick's year-long reign as champions lent the WWETTTs, we now have a team wearing said belts that makes me yearn for the great-by-comparison ROUGEAUS and now have ONE TEAM on the roster to oppose them in THE MAJORS who are even greener than Lenny & Squiggy. *Hides face and sobs*
Only performer I can't do anything with is Eugene, but his inclusion on the SD! roster smells to me a lot less like "Let's give Eugene some fresh competition" as "We've fucked up and written ourselves into a corner in Mr. Dinsmore's regard; thanks for everything, Nick, now go to Fridays."
I guess we just cross our fingers and hope for the best…
The Ri-Goddam-Diculous:
Vince go boom – There are so many things disgustingly, shamelessly, pathetically wRong with this angle, I, who thought I had no room to be shocked by Vince anymore, am just speechless. My argument is pretty much what you've been reading all week from anyone here on 411 with, you know, a soul. Never mind, even, the shitty timing of this angle, where affording the memory of Sherri Martel the respect and dignity it deserves (one wonders exactly what kind of a dubious honor being a member of the coveted WWE Hall of Fame really means when a member passes away and is ignored in favor of a self-serving, in poor taste angle…?), running this bullshit as if it were legitimate exhumes the corpses of late legends such as Brian Pillman, Owen Hart and Eddie Guerrero, flings open the coffin lid and squats on their remains. The ten-bell salute means nothing now and that disgusts me. The worst was still to come, though, as SD! performers were play-eulogizing Vince in commercial bumpers as if he'd actually passed. That was simply going waaaay too far and cheapens the legitimacy of the point of having such instances. When I recall seeing big, bad Triple H openly SOBBING as he shared his heartfelt memories of Owen Hart the night following his tragic death and then see what Dear Old Dad is pulling for his own egomaniacal benefit, I get physically sick, and that's a shoot. This is as disgraceful as the Katie Vick angle, but worse because this hit the mainstream. Hey, JBL, I know you're just doing your job, but you know why the fans weren't taking this matter seriously? Because everyone knows it's a work and no one gives a shit that the company's self-appointed #1 heel "died". I said it last week, I'll say it again this week, it's a shame you weren't really in that limo, asshole.
Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: yostankmama@hotmail.com
RAW!:
Raw 6.18.07:
The Right:
Foley vs. Umaga - You know, I was ready to be all pissed off here. You have Foley coming back, a man that barely wrestles and he has a draw to him. People will buy shows when he is on it, so to give away a singles match on Raw before the PPV would have been very stupid in my opinion. Especially when you consider that he hasn't had a singles match on Raw in YEARS. Thankfully someone had a brain backstage and what happened was good stuff. Foley attacked Umaga before the bell and they brawled around. The bell never rang, we had no match and had a good fight going. Foley killed Umaga with a chair shot, he no sold it and superkicked the chair into Foley's face. Foley fell down at the steps, and Umaga proceeded to deliver the Samoan Clam Bake to take Foley out. This sets doubt as to if Foley can make Sunday's match, and helps get some steam back on Umaga. This was good stuff overall, although it was odd because they gave about no build to Umaga vs. Santino at the PPV. But they just anno9unced it tonight, with no build really, so shit happens I suppose.
Mr. Kennedy: Superstar - Mr. Kennedy made an appearance on Raw this evening. I will ignore the mentioning of Vince here because that marred my enjoyment of the entire show. But Kennedy came out to a HUGE reaction, the kind of reaction that if this was your first exposure to him you would automatically think that he was a superstar. He said that it was so secret that he did not like the Smackdown audience because of their lack of appreciation. But also, he really, really, really, really did not like the Raw audience. He said Vince was a genius and they never respected him, and in that instant he went from the biggest face on the show to the biggest heel, in terms of reaction, on the entire show. This was good stuff here kids. By the way, for those wondering WHY Kennedy is on Raw now, well, the decision was made because Hunter bitched that there weren't enough heels on Raw, especially with Edge leaving, who he would have feuded with and beat. So basically not only is Kennedy not returning to Smackdown as a major babyface to chase Edge for the World Title, which he WAS going to win initially from the Undertaker with his Money in the Bank shot, but he's also returning to RAW to be a HEEL and to be fed to HHH. Tremendous. Mr. Kennedy = BERRIED~!
BEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIEEEEDDDDD~~~~~~~!
The Ladies Tag - While the company has about zero direction for the division and has no designs on building up a roster on one show to make a fun division, the Ladies on Raw for the most part, have been living up to their end of the bargains and the matches have been very solid. This match was just like that, very solid, little mistakes and they were all over, especially because it was Mickie's hometown, so extra face and heel heat for all! They worked hard, they all looked god and in the end Melina got the win with her wacky Final Cut into the split, which I fully approve of. In the end, Candice has a title shot Sunday and Jillian is new to Raw so them losing would have been bad. Melina losing before the PPV would have been like last pre-PPV build. So unfortunately Mickie taking the loss made the most booking sense here. Plus it also helps WWE to have the hometown person to lose, which they LOVE to do.
The Main Event Tag - So as we head into the PPV of Champions this weekend, Raw did the big push with 4 of the 5 men in their main event in a tag team encounter to close the show. It was John Cena and Black Lesnar vs. King BOOKAH and Randal K. Orton, "Concussion Expert."
puRgatory:
Hardy vs. Daivari - This was a fin little match here. Jeff and Daivari had a FINE little TV match. Daivari got in a lot more offense than I thought he would, and in the end I couldn't help but to think, "Why was he taken from the CW Division?" Hell, maybe even ECW since they have some small guys there. Seriously. Also, he now fully has Hassan's body. Brother is JACKED and GASSED to the gills for a man his size! But this was fine, Cade and Murdoch watched on, talked smack and Hardy dove into them and that was all. This was all to hype the tag title match for the PPV. Cade and Murdoch, the champs vs. The Hardy's. This shit is killing me. I understand that all of the PPV's will have matches from all the brands, fine. BUT do we have to keep killing what little bit of the brand extension is left by having matches like this? I like the Hardy's together, so put them on the same damn show. The matches are good, so just make it easy instead of messing with the brand extension. INCONTNUITY~!
SHEIK, Regal, Maria and Santino -So much stuff happening here in this little part of the show. Not that it was bad, but we have to see where shit goes. Sheik is fun, but a Sheik show won't be that great because he can't be Sheik and go off the hook. Also, they are jumping the Sheik here. HUZZAH~! Regal pimping on Maria was fun, and it is obvious that Regal is racist and hates Italians, and I'm fine with that because I hate Santino. They will obviously use Regal to try and make Santino passable, and well, I have heard worse plans. This was fine.
London and Kendrick vs. TWGTT - London and Kendrick debuted on Raw this week and they got a good reaction. That surprised me actually, since some guys that have been either Smackdown exclusive or smaller guys tend to get shit on by the Raw crowd. But they didn't and that is a great thing. They had a match with TWGTT and it was fine for 4-mintes, London and Kendrick won and that was that. In the end I feel that this particular match should NOT have happened yet. London and Kendrick needed a strong debut, no doubt there. But why have them face TWGTT already? TWGTT just lost the ladder match at ONS III, so they could use some rebuilding. If anything, you have London and Kendrick come in and face the Highlanders. They aren't doing anything and have lost to everyone already. They are solid and the match would have been fine. TWGTT vs. Londrick could have been a PPV bout, for the #1 contendership. Instead they gave it away on 4-minutes of Raw. What tag team division? Also, Shelton, Charlie, what was up with those wife beaters?
The wRong:
Just a passing mention… - I know I ranted a lot in the news this week, but I personally find it insulting that Sherri only got a passing mention on Raw, 70-minutes in before the ladies match. How sad is that. Also, since they had to show 90 replays of all of the Vince stuff, they couldn't even take 3-minutes and run her HOF video package. I just find it incredibly sad that a true hall of fame performer gets the shaft for this fake storyline. Pathetic.
Carlito/Sandman - Carlito came out for a promo this week, and said that Torrie and Flair were lucky to be drafted to Smackdown, lucky because he was beating them from corner to corner, and now they are safe. It was at this time that the sandman made an entrance and chased off young Carlito. He bled and had the cane and it was what it was. That was fine, but not why this is in the wrong. No, you see, there has been an injustice here. Raw is having this open challenge at the PPV for the WWE title. Any former World Champion is eligible. Orton is in, Foley is in, Booker is in and Lashley is in. Lashley is eligible because he is a former ECW champion. So my question is this: WHY IS THE SANDMAN BEING EXCLUDED? This is indeed a miscarriage of justice my friends! It appears as if the lack of continuity editor is back in full force this week. Why do you give me so many reasons to be angry?
Dear JR and King - I was wondering if anyone else caught this, but then I got an email from David who had this to say: Man I was watching raw last night and over all it seemed like a good show. However, there is one thing that I feel must be mentioned. I don't know if this is ridiculous or ri-god-damn-diculous but during the tag team main event Lashley and Booker started the match. King actually said I think this is the first time these two have ever faced one another and JR agreed with him. Hello do the WWE announcers not pay attention to other shows. I mean it's not like there's a brand split anymore. Thank the LORD that someone else noticed this all. It is pathetic that they did not even realize that Booker and Lashley feuded for at least 3-months on Smackdown. Dear JR and King, please do some research before you say stupid shit like this. Seriously, pretend you are one company.
The Ridiculous:
The Bullshit must go on aka ZERO BUYS~! - I hate this bullshit. The show was so hard to watch because it wasn't a wrestling show, it was a ton of bullshit with video clips, Investigators, horrible acting limo drivers, the world title picture being made all about the angle, Stephanie mourning her father and promising vengeance and me not caring about anything when the show was over. Let's talk about some of this crap.
-Investigator: So we had this CHOAD walking around, I think he was in a wireless commercial. Anyway, he walks around, he interviews people and I do not care. Seriously, they do not do investigations this way. And what was up interviewing all of the black people first?
-World Title Picture: I think it sucks that the build to the main event title match at the PPV has been drug into this whole mess. We start with Foley out there cutting a promo, Orton follows, King Booker and then Lashley and Cena. They all point the fingers at who did this. And it sucked. Why? Because this is a WWE Title match! They emphasis should be on the title, NOT who "killed" Vince. I think that they have de-emphasized the importance of the match with this crap. Good work.
-Stephanie: We had to be subjected to Stephanie coming out and being all depressed, fake crying and vowing vengeance on whomever did this to "Mr. McMahon." This is the kind of thing that makes you embarrassed to be a wrestling fan.
-3 Hour Raw: Another 3-hour Raw? As if June wasn't busy enough! Let's have all the brands together again for the big WHODUNIT~! I have no problem with the occasional 3-hour Raw, but two in a month really takes away from any special feeling it may have. Also, thinking about it, at least one hour will be about this bullshit. I may take the week off again.
Seriously, thank you WWE, thank you for making me dread watching stuff I love, I appreciate that. And for the people that think I am "OMG TEH INTRWEB SMARK ELITIST" go fuck yourself; I just happen to have a different perspective on these things. Eat me.
ECW on Sci-Fi!:
ECW on Sci-Fi!: 6.19.07:
The Right:
Young Elijah vs. Benoit - This was the match that kicked off the show this week on ECW and it was a match I was very much looking forward too. Young Elijah has been very fun to watch recently, and getting him into a ring with someone like Benoit is a great thing. Benoit is the grizzled veteran now on ECW and him coming out all pissy and chopping the shit out of Young Elijah was tremendous. They worked very well together, the match had a great flow and I was pleased with how things went. Benoit got the clean win over Young Elijah, as he should at this point and he moved on to the "finals" at vengeance. The only complaint is that the match was not longer. This was a fine way to kick off the show.
Nitro Debuts - The gem of the supplemental draft for ECW Johnny Nitro made his ECW debut this week on ECW TV and it was good stuff. Nitro has a star vibe around him and ECW needs that big time. His debut match was against Nunzio, and I feel that was a good choice. Nunzio is a good worker, great bumper and has a certain amount of credibility as a former CW champion. They had some good back and forth but in the end Nitro looked great. He showed off some flashy moves and a new wacky rolling front neck breaker finisher and it was great. Nitro has a ton of upside and hopefully he will be in the main mix in ECW with Elijah, Punk, Benoit and Monty. Nitro to ECW was a good move since they had de-pushed him on Raw.
puRgatory:
Punk vs. The Count Monty Von Brown - The main event, and 2nd qualifying match for the ECW Title match at Vengeance was CM Punk vs. Marquis Cor Von. They had, a match I suppose you could cal it, but it was bad and actually may not qualify. They have zero chemistry together and it showed. Punk dove short on a fall away slam spot, and then later Monty dropped him on his head when he caught him off a springboard. He tried a powerslam and almost killed young CM Punk. Dude, when you don't have position, improvise, front slam dude. The end I found odd, since Monty had not jobbed clean as of yet here is ECW. I expected Young Elijah to come out and cost him the match, but it was just a clean win after a very sloppy match. I don't think they have any clue what to do with Monty. They almost never let him talk, they seemingly protect him in the booking and then throw it all away in such a short match. It helps Punk, but not him. I really hopes that Monty would win, and then have Benoit win the title. Then they could feud for a while, work a ton of house show matches and get Monty the in ring experience he needs desperately. But they didn't see it that way, and have gone Punk vs. Benoit. It should be a good match if they get time, we'll just have to see.
The wRong:
The Boogey Man - The good news is that this match was about 30-seconds, and against a job guy. If Boogey has to wrestle this is the way to do it. But in the end, they didn't need to have this match at all. It was time that could have been used to focus the show on the two qualifying matches for vengeance, to crown the new champion.
Dreamer vs. Thorn - First of all, this is like the 5th singles match these men had had on ECW TV. TREADMILL. I am officially sick and tired of seeing these guys have matches, with no feud behind it. It is like Punk vs. Stevie and the 45 matches they had. Another reason ECW needed a few more bodies in the draft and they didn't get them because they were screwed on picks. Next I have to discuss Thorn. This poor bastard has staled and stalled hard. He calls his spots SO LOUD THAT I HEAR THEM ALL and now without Ariel, he seems to have lost that character edge he once had. He match was slow and sloppy, and in the end didn't need to be on the show at all. As for Dreamer being hurt, I hope that it was an angle and if not, I hope it isn't serious. But yeah, this was bad overall.
The 5-Match formula - There is something I have complained about for Impact since the debut on Impact, and that is the 5-match formula for a 1-hour TV show. And there have been times I have had to complain about it for ECW as well. It has been a while since I have had to bring this rant out, but thanks to ECW it is back! I feel that this show should have been three matches. The two qualifying matches and the Nitro Debut match. The two qualifying matches needed more time, right around 7-minutes was not enough I feel. If they would have cut the fat, built the qualifying matches some more with promos and such and given them more time, I feel the overall flow of the show would have been much better. 5-match formula = BAD and hurts the show, in my opinion.
The Ridiculous:
Vince is dead, blah, blah, blah - I cannot remember the last time I hated something this badly. I also cannot remember an angle that truly took my enjoyment away from wrestling like this one has. Also, this is a one-hour show, and not only do they take up a ton of time with this crap, but with the 5-matches, this show came off rather poorly. Seriously, thank you WWE, thank you for making me dread watching stuff I love, I appreciate that. /Sarcasm. The sad thing is that without this shit, this would have been a well built wrestling for the most part.
RETRO VENGEANCE!!:
WWE Vengeance: 06.25.06:
The Matches:
Randy Orton defeated Kurt Angle @ 12:55 via pin **¼
Umaga defeated Eugene @ 1:42 via pin (N-R)
2 of 3 Falls Match: Ric Flair defeated Mick Foley @ 7:09 via pin and DQ (2-0) *¼
Johnny Nitro became the NEW IC Champion, defeating Shelton Benjamin and Carlito @ 12:20 via pin ***
WWE Title Match: RVD defeated Edge @ 17:57 via pin ***¾
FAKE~! Kane defeated Kane @ 7:14 via pin ½*
Extreme Lumberjack Match: John Cena defeated Sabu @ 6:49 via submission **
dX defeated The Spirit Squad @ 17:54 via pin **½
The Right:
RVD vs. Edge - In a match where RVD was universally expected to lose (minus a few people that picked him to win, like ARI) he ended up escaping with his WWE title and remains a double champion. They had a brutal back and forth match, including some rough spots. A sunset flip powerbomb to the floor and powerbomb onto the security wall, RVD ate both of these moves by the way. They battled hard back and forth, and RVD looked to be in control when he got a Van-Terminator when Edge had the title belt, and that busted him open the hard way. He went up top, but Lita crotched RVD allowing Edge to execute a SICK SPIKE DDT in the corner. Most thought it was over here, myself included, and Edge decided to go for a spear, as Lita held a chair behind RVD. This was all transparent, and Edge ate the chair to a good pop. RVD then got a KILLER high times frog splash and got the win, and retained his title. Take into account that Edge has been having problems with his neck again, stemming from being dropped on it in the match with Dreamer and that RVD has been on and off since his return, and the fact that they were told that even though this was a WWE TITLE MATCH that they were being placed Mid-Card (that HAD to be harsh on their egos) and I think that the job they did was even better. I really enjoyed the match myself, and IMHO it was the match of the night.
The IC Title 3-Way - While overall I think that the overall show was a disappointment, I will give credit where credit is due, the IC Title three way was a lot better than I thought that it would be. It wasn't that I thought they wouldn't deliver, it was just that I wasn't that excited about it. Carlito stepped up big time and had a very entertaining performance. While I do have some fundamental issues with Carlito, he looked energized and really put on a show. Shelton was just fine, but I still think he needs to be a face and in the end Nitro has that star appeal that could really propel him up the card. My only complain about the match, and it is just nitpicking, is that it was like a slow motion X-Division match at times. They were doing some signature X-spots, only s-l-o-w-e-r. I do appreciate the attempt by all three, as they are great athletes, and I appreciate the attempt to bring some new moves to the table. In the end it really worked on this night, because to a large part of the audience the stuff was new and exciting, so all was great in the end. Ok one other thing. I TOLD YOU SO! In the WWE, punishment means PUSH in the fed. I said Nitro would win, because that's how Vince does things. Add to that the fact that they want to push Melina huge and there you have it.
puRgatoRy:
Flair vs. Foley - This feud is so polarizing. Foley, who was straight off of condemning hardcore wrestling gets drawn out by Ric Flair. Flair returns from an embarrassing job to Umaga with little to no mention of that and challenges Foley right away, bringing up the glorified Stuntman deal. Following me so far? Anyway, Flair jobs to Edge in 3-minutes with Foley's help, right after Foley promised to embarrass Flair by tanking the match, ensuring the worst Ric Flair match ever. They at Vengeance, Foley reads from Flair's book, apparently get motivated and promises to out wrestle Flair. Are you still following all of this? So they go in there Sunday to Vengeance, who knows what we are going to get. It could be an abortion, it could be a classic; but we'd have to see the match. It was no classic, but was also not an abortion. The biggest issued I had was this. It was like they realized, "Hey, this is a PISS POOR set up for a match of this magnitude! Fuck, we better do something to stretch it out so that we can properly build this!" So realizing this, they opted for a VERY short match, in which Flair won 2-0 with a roll up and DQ.
Fans were disappointed, but all was not lost. Realizing that they had to do a short match so that they could refocus on the build, they did the beat down angle. Since they were in Charlotte, this ended up being perfect as Foley beat down Flair, and then got the Barbed Wire baseball bat and laid into Flair. Flair bled an ungodly amount, I mean dude was gooching blood kids. Foley raked the bat over Flair's head as well as dropping the elbow with the bat on Flair. The heel heat for Foley was tremendous thanks to the Charlotte crowd, and even though it was initially rushed and they had to bail on the match, there is still a lot of hope for a better-built feud. Not how I would have done it, but as long as it ends up right, then I'll be happy. Also there is one other thing that helped all of this. Flair Socko. Mr. Socko, dressed like Flair with a little robe and the hair. Tremendous. 100 times better than Carlito Socko.
dX vs. Spirit Squad - So here we had it, the HUGE PPV return of Degeneration X. HBK and HHH, the band was back together. The match was what fans wanted. They wanted the dX intro, they wanted to see them run wild on the Spirit Squad and in the end, stick it to Vince McMahon by over coming the odds. The thing that worked here was that the Spirit Squad guys are great athletes, they can do so much and as long as they have the leadership in the ring, they work great. Which is where HBK and HHH come in. Without doubt those guys know how to carry and call a match, which they did here. HBK worked his ass off with his injured knee, and Johnny needs some love as well. Early on he took a STIFF shot to the nose and was bleeding a ton from it. To his credit he went in there, busted his ass and helped make the whole thing work. The crowd went home happy.
Now that the good was discussed, and this is purgatory, so you know there will be more and more is bad. First of all, and I have to say this, IT WAS ANOTHER HANDICAP MATCH! Handicap matches may be the death of me. Thank the lord there wasn't one on Raw this week, or I may have died. I am so over the handicap matches. They have been killing us with them since last August or so, it became a crutch and that is pathetic. Second of all, this SHOULD NOT have been the main event. I will discuss this below as I explain that the WWE Title match should have been the main event. Thirdly, this might as well have been an 18-minute squash match. I HATED the result. I understand that they felt that dX had to win the match, but here is the thing. Once again you had 2 men beat a larger number of guys, in this case 5. That is bullshit. Suspension of belief is one thing, but come on people! And finally, through all of the build and this match, you have once again managed to further BURY the tag team titles. Not that there are really any contenders anyway.
The wRong:
The Battle of the Kanes - Well what can you say about Kane vs. FAKE~! Kane? The crowd didn't care at all, and the match was bad. It was so bad that JR even said, "This match is ugly folks." It was sloppy, it was slow and FAKE~! Kane almost dies when Kane went for a superplex and got more of a "toss" off the top to FAKE~! Kane. It was rather scary. In the end FAKE~! Kane won the match, and no one cared anymore about this feud when this match was over than they did when it began. Actually, they may care less now. Not good kids, not good at all. What was even worse is that he beat Kane CLEAN in the middle of the ring. No object shots, no army of zombies or FAKE~! Kane's running in, he just beat him. It's worse now in hindsight seeing how they about killed the angle on Raw. Horrendous.
Orton vs. Angle: Parity Booking and Bad Booking - First of all I have to say that this match was a disappointment as I expected a lot more, especially after their great outing (IMHO) at One Night Stand II. I had no problem with it being the opener here because card position doesn't matter to me for the under card stuff, a great match is a great match, whether on 1st, 5th or 9th. Compared to the last match, this seemed not as well called but both guys, I mean sure there was the stiff German spot on the floor and the 8-Germans in the ring, but unfortunately that can't make a match great on it's own. There were moments of disjointed action, including the finish when the ankle lock got rolled and Kurt had to basically run in a semi circle to be able to hit the corner. The other thing is the whole parity booking deal. WWE is now doing the even-Steven booking like TNA is likely to do at times. Kurt Angle has been running his new shooter gimmick for right around a month, they have gone to a ton of trouble reinventing him and I don't think that they should have beat him this early into the gimmick. This is supposed to be a new Kurt Angle, the ECW Kurt Angle, one of the top stars of ECW and to beat him makes little to no sense. In the end, this was bad booking because Orton needed the win badly and Angle shouldn't have lost. It's bad booking that put this match together and put them in this situation.
It was reported Wednesday that Kurt Angle will be taking an extended hiatus, which is why he did the two jobs this week. I had written this before Wednesday, and wanted to keep it as originally written. So before you email in and say he is taking time off, I know this, but the original will stay, because I had a very valid point.
The Ridiculous:
So you're telling me… - So let me get this straight. Umaga kills Eugene, destroys Hacksaw Jim Duggan and decimates Doink the Clown in a matter of 2-minutes. But, he is held back or afraid of Kamala? Now come on kids, he has killed everyone since coming into the fed, and it hasn't taken more than 2-minutes or so. It only took him 3-minutes to beat Flair! Yet we are supposed to buy that he is afraid or what not of OLD Kamala. Sorry kids, I am not buying it. And here's the other thing, it didn't build to anything really. Just a squash match the next nigh ton Raw, another meaningless squash match on Raw. I was really digging the Umaga push at the beginning, but now it is just the same old shit week after week. I figure they have either lost interest, or changed other booking plans, which effected him and now he is in the definition of a holding pattern.
The Ri-GOD-DAMN-diculous:
Burying ECW - One thing I came out of this PPV feeling is that ECW was NOT anywhere near the level of Raw, if fact, I felt as if ECW was buried quite a bit here. I already discussed the Angle vs. Orton deal, so we don't have to talk about it here. Let's first talk about John Cena vs. Sabu. They had a really fun match, and for the most part used the lumberjacks well. The first problem I have with the match is that, with the exception of Big Show and Angle, who weren't there, that was the bulk of the ECW roster. Sandman and Dreamer were the de-facto leaders out there and the ECW guys should have been able to not only hold their own, but they should have decimated the Raw crew. Why? Because the Raw crew featured the BIGGEST collection of jobbers on the planet in these men: Val, Striker, Snitsky, Viscera, Cade, Murdoch, Hass and Conway. Those were the Raw "superstars" out there to even things up. They beat down and chased away Balls, Stevie, Sandman, Roadkill, Dreamer, Snow, Guido and Credible. Nothing like making ECW look like COMPLETE jobbers, great work! And here is the other thing, can ANYONE explain to me why the WWE WORLD TITLE MATCH WAS NOT THE MAIN EVENT? I know that this was the big dX reunion show and I know that Vince has a giant chubby for the Spirit Squad and all, but the fact is that then not only devalued the title, they not only put down Edge as the challenger, but they buried RVD as the champion and ECW in the process. Doing what they did, it is obvious that RVD isn't their biggest concern, when he should be. ECW took the "PRECIOUS" WWE Title, and almost no one gives a shit about it. The title that Sammartino, Backlund, Hogan, Hart, Austin and others worked to make important is now in the hands of the pot smoking freak and his collection of ECW misfits. THAT should be the central storyline, but since there isn't an "H" in RVD's initials, he's fucked along with ECW. Bend over boys and get out the KY.
Closing Thoughts:
This was about the definition of mediocre. The show as a whole is a huge disappointment, as it looked great on paper, but just didn't deliver. As my round table predictions indicated, I had a feeling it would be this way. In the end this was just another brand only PPV, with nothing memorable happening. I really wanted this PPV to succeed, I wanted it to be good because the last thing I like to do is take my time to recap a shitty or mediocre show, but that's what I got. I guess I will go 5 of 10, thumbs right in the middle and I really can't recommend a replay.
