Just S'pose 6.24.07
Posted by Ron Gamble on 06.24.2007
"I am a lover of alternate history. I am a 'what if' freak." - Richard Dreyfuss
Sure, Richard was talking about the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life." Still, a quote's a quote.
I received some interesting feedback on my last column, where I complained about the whole "Mr. McMahon is dead" story. I wrote about it and posted it on Wednesday, June 13, and by June 14, I received a few letters telling me I was wrong, including one telling me I needed to shut up and retire. On June 17, when the news about Sherri Martel's death came out, there was shock and sadness around the world. On June 18, they insisted on ringing the bell ten more times for "Mr. McMahon," yet Sherri Martel received a picture and a brief moment of silence to commemorate her very real passing. I'm guessing people who disagreed with me stopped, because no one wrote to me after that.
Also, to the person who said they tolled the bell after the Undertaker "died," I think they just rang the bell used in his intro music, which is very different from the "ten bell salute" for wrestlers who have passed away.
My daughter had some very minor surgery this week. She needed to have two ingrown toenails removed. She originally was supposed to have this done in the doctor's office, but when she saw the size of the needles he would need to insert in her toes, she freaked out. The doctor said it would be a lot easier for her if he did it in the hospital, and we were in and out of there in three hours. However, because this was scheduled on Friday, I was not able to go to Dayton for the Ring of Honor show that night. Too bad, because I heard it was a good show, and it may have marked the return to ROH of Austin Aries. Steve Cook was there, and I'm sure he's already posted full results.
By the way, Steve: The Cincy Bungles still stink! GO STILLERS!
Before we get to this week's story time, I need some more help from you, the loyal reader who honestly cares about reading this stuff. From July 4-8, I will be making my third annual trip to Origins, an international game convention held in the Greater Columbus Convention Center. In the past two years, I have written about my time there, and given some updates on my game playing (getting better) and poker playing (still lousy). In past years, part of my column included a boardgame review, so this made sense. Now, however, there is no review. Is there any interest in reading about my exploits at a game convention this year?
Please let me know, because majority will rule. If you have skipped those columns in the past, tell me. If it has helped you in making game purchases, tell me. If you think I'm rather self-centered in thinking you would care about my time at a convention rather than wrestling, which is supposed to be the main focus in a column for a wrestling website, tell me. I can take it. Yes and no votes will be tabulated, and you'll find out the result in my column after Origins, which should be July 15.
Now, on to the, you know, stuff.
OH, THE YELLOW ROSES OF TEXAS
It was an ordinary February night at an ordinary television taping for the ordinary weekly programming for the World Wrestling Federation. An ordinary team, Dusty Wolfe and Barry Horowitz, stood in the ordinary ring in the Alamodome in San Antonio, TX, and the ordinary crowd gave them an ordinary welcome.
Suddenly, the not-so-ordinary music hit, announcing their opponents. The song was similar to "Tom Sawyer" by Rush, but just different enough to avoid a lawsuit. Howard Finkel, the ordinary WWF announcer, introduced team number two.
"Weighing in at a combined weight of 512 pounds, here are Kevin and Kerry, The Von Erichs!"
In the world we know, Kerry Von Erich was brought in to the WWF as The Texas Tornado. He wrestled as a singles wrestler, and beat Curt Hennig at SummerSlam 1990 to win the Intercontinental title. He stayed in the WWF for almost two years before going back to Texas. But, Just S'pose Kevin Von Erich accompanied his brother to the WWF. What might have happened?
The Von Erichs won the match in about four minutes with dueling claw holds on both opponents. The Texas crowd exploded when they were introduced, and they did not stop buzzing until two matches later. During commentary of the next match, Rugged Ronnie Garvin vs. Buddy Rose, Gorilla Monsoon mentioned the reaction, to which Jesse Ventura replied, "Of course the crowd loved them. The Von Erichs are Texicans, just like the crowd here in San Antonio!"
Later that night, they returned to beat Pez Whatley and Steve Casey, and the buzz continued. While the WWF continued its swing through the southwest, where the Von Erichs were already well known, their responses were incredible.
In May, at the Saturday Night's Main Event taping, they defeated The Orient Express. They continued wrestling against many of the top teams in the WWF, including Power and Glory, The Orient Express, and The Nasty Boys, winning a majority of their matches. They even managed to beat tag team champions Demolition by countout when Crush and Smash left the ring. At SummerSlam 1990, they joined Nikolai Volkoff and Jim Duggan to beat Akeem, Greg Valentine, and Power and Glory.
Throughout the fall, they began taking on Demolition regularly, and won more than their fair share of the matches. The fans began to demand a match between the Von Erichs and WWF Tag Team champions The Hart Foundation. At Survivor Series that year, The Von Erichs and The Legion of Doom defeated The Perfect Team of Curt Hennig and Demolition, with Kevin surviving. Later, in the Match of Survival, Kevin teamed with Ultimate Warrior and Hulk Hogan to defeat Rick Martel, Paul Roma, Hercules, The Warlord and Ted DiBiase. Kevin pinned Warlord, but was pinned shortly after by DiBiase.
In January 1991, The Von Erichs finally got a chance at the tag team titles, wrestling The Hart Foundation at the Royal Rumble. The match ended in a double countout when all four men were counted out of the ring. At WrestleMania VII, they beat The Barbarian and Haku after Kevin hit Haku with a flying bodypress from the top rope. Later in the card, The Nasty Boys beat The Hart Foundation to win the tag team titles, and Kevin and Kerry were named number one contenders.
The Harts lost several rematches for the titles, including a match televised on USA Network. Shortly after their final match in early May, Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart split, and their run as a top team was over. The Von Erichs got their first shot at The Nasty Boys on May's Saturday Night's Main Event, and won by disqualification when Jerry Sags was caught hitting Kerry with Jimmy Hart's megaphone.
On June 6, 1991, Kevin Von Erich pinned Jerry Sags in Saginaw, MI, to win the WWF Tag team titles. They defended them against The Nasty Boys at SummerSlam 1991 in New York. At Survivor Series 1991, they wrestled and defeated The Natural Disasters when Kevin and Kerry hit Typhoon with a tandem discus punch, also called the "Whirling Dervish." They continued to defend the titles at Royal Rumble 1992, when they beat The Beverly Brothers.
Their reign as tag team champions ended at WrestleMania VIII, when they lost them to Ted DiBiase and Irwin R. Schyster. They won many rematches, but all by countout. In what was called their final title shot against Money, Inc., the champions kept the titles in a cage match on Saturday Night's Main Event when DiBiase tied Kerry's boot lace to the bottom rope, then both he and IRS left through the door.
Kevin re-entered the cage after the match, talked to Kerry, and helped him up. After both were standing, Kevin grabbed his brother's face and kissed him on the lips. While Kerry stood stunned, Kevin kicked him in the stomach, punched him in the jaw, then applied the iron claw.
The crowd was stunned. The next week on WWF Superstars, Kevin explained his actions:
"Kerry's always been my little brother, and I've always watched out for him. But, there comes a time when you have to throw up your hands and walk away. I've done all I can to help him, but when he fell for one of the oldest tricks in the book, I knew the time had come. Kerry, I've tried to help you, and all I've done is give you excuses. Dad always taught us to either sink or swim, and if you can't swim, then it's my job as your big brother to push you under myself!"
They had many matches throughout June and July, and in many cases headlined cards when WWF champion Randy Savage was not wrestling. At SummerSlam 1992 in London, Kerry finally defeated Kevin, but after the match, Kevin is joined by Curt Hennig and Ric Flair, and a three-on-one attack bloodies Kerry.
Later that night, during the WWF title match between Randy Savage and The Ultimate Warrior, Hennig, Flair, and Kevin attack Savage, forcing him to be counted out. Kerry, his head still bandaged from the beating earlier in the show, came out to help Savage and Warrior.
Before the storyline could continue any further, Kerry was fired by Vince McMahon for failing a drug test. He was offered a chance for rehabilitation, but refused, and was fired. The next week on Raw, Kevin told the live crowd at the Manhattan Center in New York that his brother decided to go back to Texas for a few months, and, "Now that I don't have to worry about my little brother, I can concentrate on what really matters. Tag team titles are fun, but unless you win a singles belt, no one remembers your name. Right now, my good friend Ric Flair has the WWF World title, so I'm setting my sights on the Intercontinental title. Do you hear me, British Bulldog? I don't care if you won the title in London in front of all your countrymen; we're back in America now!"
Kevin had several shots at the Intercontinental title, including a match at Survivor Series, but was never able to win the title. By this time, Bret Hart defeated Ric Flair to win the WWF title, but Von Erich was unable to get a title match. While Hart beat Razor Ramon at the Royal Rumble, Kevin Von Erich won the opportunity to meet him at WrestleMania IX by winning the Rumble.
Then, one month later, none of it mattered. Kerry Von Erich killed himself on February 18, 1993, one day after he was indicted for cocaine possession. Kevin immediately left the WWF and returned to Dallas. Two weeks later, he called Vince McMahon and told him he would not be able to wrestle at WrestleMania. McMahon understood, and told Kevin to take as much time as he needed to recover from the tragic loss of a fourth brother. An eight-man tournament took place on Raw over three weeks to determine the new number-one contender, and Yokozuna won the tournament, then beat Hart at WrestleMania, before immediately losing to the returning Hulk Hogan.
Kevin Von Erich announced his retirement from professional wrestling on Raw on May 24, 1993. In his announcement, he said, "This used to be fun. When I first started wrestling in 1980, I knew my brothers would be joining me in the ring, and we would have fun. After David died, I still had Kerry, Mike, and Chris to fall back on. After Mike got sick and eventually died, I still had two brothers to help me. After Chris died, there were only two of us left. And now, Kerry is gone, too.
"When I was younger, I had five brothers. Now, I'm an only child. The fun is no longer there. I thank you for all your support, but the time of the Von Erichs has come and gone. Thank you, and God bless you all."
AND NOW, THE END IS NEAR…
Thanks for paying attention to me again, and don't forget to send in your opinions about my annual Origins trip. I'll be back next week.
