Mr. McMahon dies and the readers turn out to do some fantasy booking.
Matt: Another Fink's Payload has come upon us and while it is with great sadness that we have to discuss and fantasy book such terrible tragedies to the wrestling world… Oh who am I kidding? All of you readers are smart enough to know the truth I'd hope, so I'm Matt Adamson and I do know why. Since Dan is out this week Rob and I decided to just pull all the weight on our own. Here he is, my partner in the good life of crime…
Rob: Rob Halden, I'm the wheel-man for this three-man stick-up crew.
Matt: Alright, let's kick it off with Dan (no, not Wilcox, or From Brooklyn) who, rather than booking the angle, has a beef with how things went down and wants to book the way WWE should have dealt with the unfortunate and real life (?) death of Sherri.
Do you think it is the least bit disrespectful for WWE to continue on with this stupid "Vince is Dead" angle (having phony ten bell salutes and tributes) when some of the great superstars of the past have legimately died and not even gotten a word of acknowledgement? Sensational Sherri died earlier this week and they still treat her death, which is real, below the phony storyline death of an egomaniac like Vince McMahon. WWE needs to drop the whole storyline about Vince's death and move on. If they want to respect the past of the industry, then they need to have Vince pop up alive on RAW and pay proper respect to the people who trailblazed the path for today's stars to follow.
Matt: I agree wholeheartedly with what you said. Sherri Martel was a huge part of not only women's wrestling but the entirety of pro wrestling. She deserved far more and this angle deserves far less.
Rob: Go read the last two "You're An Idiot And Here's Why" for more on how much I hate this angle. Then make me a sandwhich.
Matt: Aaron comes at us with a very very unique approach.
I say hire a couple of nobody actors, claim they are huge ECW fans. Then hire a couple of more and pretend they are Star-Trek/Stargate/Doctor Who fans and say they co-conspired to off McMahon because of what he's done to ECW and the fact that Wrestling has no business on a Sci-Fi themed cable channel. Have them kayfabe arrested and now you don't have to worry about ending the career of a wrestler who would be (kayfabe) electrocuted, lethally injected and/or stuck in a high-security prison for the rest of their lives.
Then, FINALLY, we will have a long-lasting "War of the Brands" angle that this freaking corporation has been trying to get off the ground every since 2001 and had pretty good success at (even if only for two nights) last year during the launch of ECW on Sci-Fi, but failed miserably to keep going afterward.
Shane will run ECW. He wants to bring back the hard-core feel of the promotion, but "The Network" of course, feels uncomfortable with it. I would strive for a MA rating on this show and keep it in it's current "late school-night" time slot. Perhaps starting it at 11:30 and extending it to a hour-and-a-half to go against the Tonight Show and David Letterman
Steph will continue to run Raw as her father did, constantly being a thorn in the side of the face WWE Champion with HHH being her in-rung muscle.
Teddy will continue on with SmackDown... perhaps bringing in a bit of intrigue with Vicki and Kristal going through with their Coup de Tate.... perhaps an in-ring Invasion storyline to go with that. Heal wrestlers with the women, faces with Teddy.
There would be NO cross-branded matches on free TV except for the once-a-year Draft Special which I would rotate from show-to-show each year.
Then, I would cut back on the PPV's to having 8 or 9 per year, all continuing with them being cross-branded so that they all pay off the latest plots of the GM's all trying to up-stage each other during the PPV's.
OK. So, what we have is ECW with it's original storyline (first it was the Philly Athletic Commission and Bill Alfonso, then it was TNN and Cyrus), Raw with it's familiar old storyline but with a new arch-villainess, and SmackDown with a new twist on WCW's old storyline just to get fans familiar with the new promotions. Keep it going for a whole year as-is so that fans can get their bearings. All the while creating sub-plots of the shows being at war with each other.
Then let things evolve from there.
All the while, Vince will stay retired from TV... every since he's become a grandfather, he just looks so much older. I know he's a work-a-holic, but perhaps with the Grandkids, he's ready to enjoy family a bit more.
Matt: That's some interesting input there Aaron. I think the idea is an interesting one as "fans" are the terrorists, which I actually think is brilliant. Overall I must say that if "fans" is the payoff, then I'll be happy. I don't think there is anything outside of Bruno Sammartino that would really shock me but this. Now, the rest of your idea I'm not terribly big on, mostly because I LOVED the exclusive brand split and would love it to become even more exclusive. Like no SD and ECW on the big 4 even. That's right, I'm a crazy S.O.B.
Rob: You should have gone all out with the Sci-Fi fans and made them some awesome wrestling characters. You could have one dressed as a vulcan who uses a nerve-pinch finisher, one dressed as a Cyberman, one Lord Of The Rings guy with an arm of midget Hobbits. I'd watch the fuck out of that. Anyway, you're taking quite a lot of control there, what with scaling back the PPV's and all. Not sure it's within the parameters of booking an end to this angle. I mean, really you ended it in the first paragraph. Trekkies did it, then get arrested. I'm not saying the other changes aren't good, because they're pretty much exactly what's needed.
Matt: My homie P-Kon has the dizzle for us izzle.
Background: Shane steps up and at least fronts the investigation on air. He becomes paranoid yet focused as he attemps to track down his father's killer. Shane goes as far to accuse Stephanie, Linda, and Triple H. This leads to a match at Armaggedon between Shane and HHH. H is against the match saying it is unneccesary, but Shane says his father's killer couldn't step into the ring with him, look into his eyes, and pin him 1,2,3.
Armaggedon: HHH and Shane fight in a classic and a bloody beaten Trips makes the cover on Shane for the win. Shane then tells him that he believes He is innocent. Next Raw Shane gets in the ring and says that he was up all night, recovering from injuries with nothing but time. Time to think about who might have been behind the limo explosion. He then fingers the culprit as none other than Stone Cold Steve Austin. He calls Steve out and tells him to meet him in the middle of the ring next week!
Raw: Stone Cold gets into the ring and is ambushed by Shane O and H runs out to pull them apart. They argue on the mic and Stone Cold admits that he wasn't Vince's biggest fan and that he does think he is capable of killing another man. But that Shane should know him well enough to know that if he had a problem with someone in the wrestling business he would much rather beat their ass in the middle of the ring. Shane doesn't believe him and sets up a match between the two at The Royal Rumble.
Royal Rumble: Triple H is the special guest ref and Stone Cold comes out victorious. The next night Shane comes out and says he isn't satisfied and while he knows HHH wasn't biased towards either competitor, but that he is a wrestler not a referee. He then says that Stone Cold owes him a rematch. Stone Cold says he doesn't owe him a damn thing, but that he doesn't want Shane to question the decision. Or anyone else for that matter. And come NWO there wont be a doubt in Shane's mind or anyone else's mind as to who the winner is.
No Way Out: HHH is banned from ringside. Steve comes out on top yet again. HHH comes out and checks on Shane and raises SCSA's hand. He then kicks him in the gut and delivers a giant sized PEDIGREE! Trips and Shane come out the next night on Raw and Trips wants to explain his actions. He says he knows Steve better than most. Hell, they were tag team partners. He references back to the comment Shane made about the killer not being able to look him in the eyes and beat him and says that that is true. However, Stone Cold is no killer. He is a Cold blooded, sadistic, sick son of a bitch, and the only exception to the rule. He knows, like Shane knows, the Austin is guilty and plans to prove it.
The Road to Wrestlemania 24: Stone Cold wants to know how trips plans to pin the explosion on him. HHH says its easier than anyone could ever imagine. That he is going to beat it out of him, on the grandest stage of them all, Wrestlemania! Stone Cold signs a contract to fight HHH with Shane in his corner at Mania. But there was a hidden line in the contract that Shane and Trips quickly point out that states if Stone Cold loses it will be an offical Admission of Guilt in the case of Vine's death! Heel tactics and shennanigans reign supreme, heading into the big day...
Wretlemania 24: Triple H and Shane give there all to put a possibly innocent man behind bars will Stone Cold fights for his freedom. Following a series of near falls, the Match of the Night ends with a perfectly executed Stone Cold Stunner to Trips for the W.
Post-match: Stone Cold is walking up the ramp, arms raised. The fans showing major love to their hero while a bloody HHH comes to in the ring. Then Shane gets on the mic. HHH ends up sitting in the buckles, barely cohernent. Shane paces angrily with the mic in his hands and pauses in front of Hunter. He then slaps the taste out of his mouth and starts yelling at him. Trips ends up on his feet in the buckles, taking his punishment in the form of a scolding. Shane wraps it up by saying, "I should fire you... Just like I fired my father!" he lets out a slight laugh to a slew of boos, tosses to mic in trips face and turns around to leave. Hunter grabs him and attemps a pedigree, which Shane counters and quickly leaves the ring, keeping his eyes on HHH the whole time. Stone Cold runs out and grabs Shane and tosses him back into the ring. A frightened Shane faces HHH and eats a pedigree. SC jumps in and hits a Stunner on the former chairman's son. Stephanie and Linda run out in tears, followed distantly by police officers. They put a knocked out Shane in cuffs and stand him up. Linda and Steph wake him up and ask him why. Linda, crying, kisses Shane and then slaps the shit out of him. Linda and Stephanie hug and then follow Shane and the policemen up the ramp. Trips and Austin remain in the ring and Hunter offers his hand. Stone Cold Stunner and HHH and a round of beers for everyone.
Matt: I'll take a round of beers please! I wish this was more immediate and we could insert some guys in more need of a push than HHH and Stone Cold. Say make it Cena and Lashley, nobody would expect that. That'll work for me. No, it really won't work for me, who am I kidding? Nice ideas overall though.
Rob: I'd just like to point out that Matt thinks John Cena is in need of a push. Anyway, yeah some okay ideas. If we're going to have the match determine who's guilty I would have gone all out and had a Judge presiding over the match, maybe as the referee in full robes and wig, and the ring surrounded by Police officers. What? It's a goofy-as-fuck story in the first place, might as well go all the way. But like Matt said, the spotlight should be on someone other than Austin and Trips.
Matt: Rob, an easy way to get on my bad list is to say that Cena deserves a push. A better way to get on my bad list is to say that I think he deserves a push. That‘s just taking things too far. Stephen shows us exactly what he thinks about what should happen with the death angle.
The only way I can see this working is if Vince faked his own death and the only logical reason why (though when has the WWE been logical) would be, as theorized in an earlier 411mania column, to test how well his children would run the company. I'd have some lawyers or other investigators dig up Vince's will which states that Steph would get one brand while Shane would get the other. The will of course does not state which brand plus it would be written prior to May 26, 2006 and would not include ECW. After a few weeks of bitching, legalize and lawyer-catfights, it is decided that Stephanie and Shane will compete 1-on-1 at Summerslam with the winner picking either Raw or SmackDown! and the loser recieving the other. Linda McMahon gets ECW but decides to stick with a figurehead role with regards to day-to-day operations and assigns Mick Foley as representative.
Now, a lot of people might drag Triple H into the equation on Stephanie's side due to their real-life marriage while forgetting that they hate each other in storyline. However, Trips could still decide to cost Shane the match due to the DX/VinceShane feud, later telling Stephanie "I still hate you, I just hate you less." Steph and Shane feud, send wrestlers to try and destroy the other brand and generally cause an all-out civil war until Vince shows up after WrestleMania, proclaims that both have disappointed him and gives control over all three brands to the one person that impressed him: Mick Foley. Vince then takes his kids and gets the hell off television so the storylines can center around the actual wrestlers for once.
Matt: I always love Vince off my TV. I am one of the few that still watches wrestling that loathed the original McMahon/Austin angle. He has to go, but to just take him off TV (unless that is indeed the payoff of the exploding limo), would be a mistake without tying up loose ends. More Foley is also very good.
Rob: HA HA HA HA HA HA! "Vince then takes his kids and gets the hell off television so the storylines can center around the actual wrestlers for once." Oh that's classic! Seriously though, I think Vince's weird-ass behavior before the explosion rule out him faking it, although I don't think he's dead (they've not found a body). I think the problem I have with this is that it does nothing for anyone outside of the McMahon family. And good old Mick. Some new faces please.
Matt: Nick makes we wish I was a simple guy.
Two words ..... CHRIS JERICHO
Matt: That would certainly be a lot of fun. I'd buy into it just for fun because Jericho is awesome. Hell, I'd even buy stock in the company (1 share please) if they did this. Details aren't needed are they?
Rob: Okay. Yeah. Hard to criticize two words. I mean, I could ask "why" but this storyline is fucking retarded anyway. No matter who ends up being the culprit, it's not gonna make any fucking sense.
Matt: Dan from Brooklyn has become one of my favorite Fink's contributors because he is so consistent. I don't always like his ideas, but they are all consistent, something that is a lost art in the WWE these days.
I personally would love to see Ted Dibiase come out with another Vince McMahon and the have the spirit of Vince rise like Undertaker in 1994 so we can Vince vs. Vince at Summerslam! Ok not really...
Here is the main problem...doesn't the person who finally is responsible have to get arrested. This isn't the "who pushed Shawn down the stairs" angle, this was a guy being blown up. We'll arrest him after the match. Thus I feel the truly logical choice is only one man...VINCE MCMAHON!!! Vince faked his death. His whole crazy act after losing the ECW Title was a charade. He faked his own death because after One Night Stand people were mocking him and totally disrespecting him. He was humiliated at WM 23 by Trump, humiliated at One Night Stand, and then everyone was mocking him at VM appreciation night.
Over the next few months, clues start to surface. The investigators find explosive materials in Mick Foley's dressing room. Mick gets questioned and they replay his mocking interview on appreciation night. Before Mick can get arrested or charged, Shane comes out and wants to kill Mick. They have a Hardcore Falls Count Anywhere match at Summerslam. Stephanie comes out and helps Shane and Shane wins the bloodbath and Mick in arrested at the end. Mick can leave Raw for a while in prison, and after a few months Vince rumors would begin circulating and stories of deja vu would come about.
Vince would eventually make his return around the Rumble, in the great tradition of the Higher Power angle, and say it was all his idea. He wanted the fans to appreciate him so he "killed himself" off to get sympathy. Then he framed the people's favorite Mick Foley because they have a long history and to teach all the fans a lesson. So Mick gets out of "prison" and they have the match they should've at this year's Wrestlemania, next year: Vince McMahon vs. Mick Foley in a DEATH MATCH.
Matt: This is a key ingredient that needs to be brought into play. The "legitimate" arrest of the attempted killer has got to play a major role. Aside from the hardcore style matches I actually would find this rather fun. I hope they involve "God" in it too. No, not really.
Rob: Y'know what most terrorists do? Carry around their high-explosives with them a month after committing the crime. It's a classic strategy. I think the reason you've given for Vince doing it sucks. He did it to teach the fan's a lesson? What? But guess what? The real ending for this angle is going to be just as stupid. Because what else can it be? He fakes his death to teach the fans a lesson, or someone blew him up because he cost them a belt or they wanted his job or whatever. I like Dan though, so he gets 8 out of 10. I'm not even rating the rest of you clowns. Just Dan.
Matt: Rob's getting a little cocky I'd say. Here's another ECW related idea from Bronbron.
This is a solution how to fix ECW and make it huge. At the next three hour raw Steph announces due to the recent loss of leadership that the ECW brand will be the sole responsiblity of Paul Heyman. The next several weeks the police are very suspicious of Paul and he has a somewhat favorism toward CM Punk. Come Summerslam and then current ECW Champion Chris Beniot is scheduled for a three way dance between CM Punk vs. Beniot vs. Burke. With Burke eliminated and Beniot locking Punk in the crossface it seems as punk is going to tap when Paul runs out and hits chris beniot in the head with a chair due to a ref bump earlier in the match.This ignites Punk who asks what Paul is doing who then asks Punk why is he getting mad. Punk acts like he doesnt want the help and goes on to beat Beniot on his own. On ECW Paul says he has been grooming Punk for the Title and trying to make him the face of ECW but it was taking to long and he had to act. Meanwhile at Raw the McMahon family has been having somewhat of a power struggle. At Summerslam Shane challenges Steph to a match for the ownership of the company because he thinks she killed his father. Steph responds by telling her that she has a representitive for him at summerslam instead of her, and she will reveal him next week. Next week on Raw none other than HHH comes out with Stephanie. He says he will break Shane for causing so much Stress in her life. During the match Shane tries and hits a top rope crossbody but accedently lands on the ref. Trips than counters with a pedigree and tries to cover for 3 but there is no ref. While this chaos is ensuing CM Punk runs out with Paul Heyman. He kills them with chairs and stand tall in the middle of the ring. Paul grabs a mike and delivers a five star promo telling the McMahons it was great killing Vince and watching the family tear each other up over their dead father while he was gaining all the support backstage and running the company. Punk grabs the mike and explains why he did it. He says that Paul offered him the company and he took it because it was his destiny to be the face of this company. They had to get rid of the old and bring in the new. He tells the fans to not be upset though because the Era Of the Straight Edge superstar has begun. They bow in the ring together as the Crowd is throwing food into the ring. From Here Paul says he has control over Raw and smackdown through him winning over all the chairmen of the board and firing each and everyone of them one by one. He makes a wwe championship match for CM Punk against John Cena after his title match with Bobby Lashley. After a grueling match with Bobby, Cena fights hard for almost ten minutes but his pinned by Punk after a GTS. Punk celebrates as confeddi rains down and Paul walks out to the ring and embraces Punk. From here you can have Punk be a total Super Heel who the crowd hates to love and have some great matches with Cena which the crowd would hopefully be superhot for. Theres a few wrong things with it but it could really launch the career of Punk as a heel
Matt: Punk as a heel is good, Heyman involved in anything is good, but I don't really think this would be the best way to pay off the angle. I love the idea for just about anything else, but this is the Mr. McMahon death angle we're talking about here, it's so much bigger.
Rob: I love anything that puts Heyman front and center and makes Punk into a killer heel. I'm not so sure about Heyman getting control of the whole company though, and I'm equally unsure about having the ECW Champ want to become the WWE Champ. Your goal is to establish ECW as a force on it's own, then the ECW Champ shouldn't want anything to do with the WWE title, other than to belittle it.
Matt: Alright it is time again for us to put our little opinions into the mix. For me I think I would go with doing NOTHING! That's right, I would do absolutely nothing. Vince is off my TV and I'm happy about it. Let it fade into obscurity quietly and peacefully. Please, send hate mail to voldegalle@yahoo.com.
Rob: On behalf of his beloved Chairman, Coachman begins leading the inquiry on Raw, accusing people left, right and center. However, the FBI announce that the third strand of DNA in the limo belonged to the Coach, and he is arrested for questioning as Raw goes off the air. Smackdown has the Coach making a call to the show from his cell. But Coach is out in time for the next Raw, saying he had nothing to do with the explosion but he was in the limo preparing Mr. McMahon's rider (his food, drink etc.). Coachman says he's been helping the FBI with their investigation and it's brought him to only one possible conclusion…Ashley killed Mr. McMahon! DUN-DUN-DUR!
Ashley tries to plead her innocence but the Coach has her arrested in the ring. Suddenly Matt Hardy arrives, fights off the cops and escapes with Ashley through the crowd. The two go on the run from the Police, with updates coming in on ECW and Smackdown. Fans post sightings of the two fugitives on wwe.com and a reward for their capture is offered. Jeff Hardy gets interrogated on Raw and after claiming to not know the whereabouts of his brother and Ashley, gets punished in handicap matches against Snitsky and Umaga. As Jeff is about to be destroyed by both men, Matt Hardy makes a daring rescue and then again escapes through the crowd.
On Smackdown a videotape has been delivered containing a message from the fugitives. Ashley says she is innocent and had nothing to do with McMachon's death. They say they'll be on Raw next week to answer the charges once and for all. Ashley does arrive on Raw and after once again pleading her innocence she is immediately arrested in the ring. But then the Titan-Tron shows Matt Hardy on the roof of the arena holding Coachman near the edge, threatening him. Hardy forces the Coach to confess to killing McMahon in order to get his job. Ashley is cleared, the Coach gets arrested and then…I dunno…death penalty? How the fuck do you resolve this shit?
Matt: That's it for The Payload this week. You're homework is below, you all get A's because I'm much nicer in writing than I am in person.
Homework: Book the Jackass crew's involvement at Summerslam
