You're An Idiot And Here's Why 7.05.07: The FN Media
Posted by Rob Halden on 07.05.2007
Readers, I am NOT happy...again.
They're going to have to edit the shit out of me this week, cuz I'm in one of my moods. If I was a chick, I'd have a time of the month. Only I get it once a god damn week in the wrestling world.
This Week's Idiot: The Motherfucking Media
The Benoit Family Tragedy (I will continue to refer to it thusly until all the facts become apparent and the world really knows what happened) is heavy, heavy stuff. I know that. And it's sensational stuff. I don't use that term lightly and I know it is a terrible, horrible event. But to the newspapers and TV shows of the world, the alleged double homicide-suicide of a celebrity will always be "sensational". It goes beyond scandal. I understand that it's going to be covered by all of them.
And guess what? I'm pissed off with the WWE. Was Vince McMahon responsible for these deaths? No. Was the company? No. But add these names to the ghost list we've all seen down the years and there is a problem in professional wrestling. There is a big, scary, horrible problem in pro-wrestling. Something about this profession adversely effects such a high number of workers that it drives them to an early grave. And when Vince McMahon sits there on TV and washes his hands of any wrestler who died that wasn't contracted to the WWE…fuck him. Fuck Vince McMahon if he thinks he has no responsibility for the modern wrestling scene he helped build. He sets the trend, he sets the pace, and he has the fucking monopoly. So yeah, part of me is glad these media fuckers are hounding McMahon day and night with questions and allegations. Someone's responsible for this trend of pain and tragedy and like Raymond Chandler always says: "Look for the asshole sitting on a big pile of money."
But the media is coming at pro-wrestling as an industry like it's a sadistic pass-time full of smack-heads, alcoholics and wife-beaters. Half a damn basketball team decides to kick the living crap out of their fans and the NBA doesn't get this. American Football players get caught in hotels with hookers, class-A drugs and laundry list of gambling debts on a regular basis, and the NFL isn't demonized like the bastard child of Adolf Hitler and Paris Hilton.
What I resent is that the media doesn't know pro-wrestling and the media doesn't give a fuck about pro-wrestling. As far they're concerned it's a carnival attraction where grown-men pretend to fight in front of children and over-excited teenagers. The media doesn't bother to make the distinction between the industry of pro-wrestling and the WWE style or trend. The media doesn't mention puro or lucha libre or the Indy Scene where these problems don't present themselves with the same alarming frequency. No, the media pulls out its great, big tar-brush and paints everyone as a pill-popping, steroid-addicted women-beater.
One minute it's ‘roid-rage, the next minute Benoit's using a god damn finishing move to kill his own son, then Benoit's some sort of backward hermit who never spoke to people.
Well fuck you, the media. Fuck you very hard. In the mouth.
You're An Idiot Because: Journalistic Integrity, Ever Heard Of It? Didn't Think So.
Supplemental Idiot Of The Week: Chyna
God damn I hate Chyna. Although, kudos on beating up X-Pac. He's a tosser.
Reader Of The Week
Actually this came in two weeks ago and is about the McMahon angle which may be dropped/may be returning. I know I said I wasn't going to use any of these unless the angle returned, but this letter is from a GIRL so she's immediately more interesting than the rest of you.
Jessica wrote:
I completely understand your opinions about the recent death angle. I don't disagree, but I'd like to point out how i have always felt about wrestling. I love when wrestling entertains me, from any promotion, anywhere in the world, any decade. I can't believe anything they do, yet i love wrestling. In there touring schedule and their brotherhood of wrestlers, they have lost touch with the outside world. Even when everyone knew it was "fake", wrestlers would go crazy if asked if it was real. They take steroids and drugs because that is what they think is part of the job. They go on with PPVs after people have died. No other job would allow you to get arrested for marijuana as the face of your company (which is what the champion represents), and you just get suspended for a month. You can't shit in a coworker's bag. That's just the WWE. You can go through every promotion and find stuff just as bad, but it's easiest to pick from the biggest. (Although I was glad another column mentioned the Von Erich funeral fiasco and the WCW stuntman falling from the rafters in the arena where Owen died, just to name a few.) Everyone in wrestling that is a full time employee with a grueling schedule has lost touch with reality. Nothing ever offends me in wrestling because they don't understand the way normal people think.
Should they have done more about Sherri? Yes. Should wrestlers have a union? Yes. Should they not feel the need to push themselves so hard, taking anything they can to feel better, get bigger? Yes. Should they have the ability to not lose there job while injured, have time off, and be able to heal up without losing their spot? Yes, yes, and yes. I can go on and on about all of things that all of wrestling does wrong. Wrestling doesn't make sense, yet it does in their heads.
I'm not saying I agree with their decisions, yet I don't get offended by them. Maybe I don't expect much out of this business, and maybe I should. When they do something heartfelt, I appreciate it, yet never expect it.
There one wrestling saying that I always think of and have heard wrestlers say over and over again. It's "The only thing that matters is an ass every eighteen inches." Maybe that's how it makes sense.
–Derek
Wait a second…no it's not, it's from some guy called ‘Derek' using his girlfriend's e-mail account! Damn you Derek! I thought I'd found a girl who watched pro-wrestling! That's like the Holy Fucking Grail!
Terrifying E-Mail Of The Week
I love it. I read that one about Mr. Kennedy. The paragraph where you so intricately and definitely explained how he got the shot and what he did afterwards, then just said "Then Edge called him a coward so he lost his title shot" I found so hilarious I can't even begin to explain. Maybe it's the beer talking (I'm getting ready for a night out, oaaaaaaay) but that gave me the biggest erection you could imagine. Christ.
That's right people, I'm so fucking funny I give people boners! Beware, you may have one right now!
I'm keeping my eye on TNA. I may have to go and bitch-slap them all over again next week. I told them not to make Kurt Angle Champion. I told them that if they did that, they'd all be Idiots. And then they went and did exactly that. And that match between the Tag Team Champions, the X-Division Champion and the TNA Champion where whoever makes the pin wins a title…it reeks of Russo. Reeks.
