Wrestling’s 4R’s 7.20.07: Retro Great American Bash, A Questionable Go Home for TNA, King Booker: The True King of Kings, Edge’s Mardi Gras, Nitro’s Press Conference and More!
Posted by Larry Csonka on 07.20.2007
I tore a muscle in my right arm typing a witty pun on the forums; so today in this very column we’re having a battle royal to determine the new author of the R’s!
Ring of Honor – Respect is Earned Podcast~!
We are back for yet another podcast and tonight we go where we haven't gone before! That's right, this time around we are joined by the Column of Honor's ARI (~!) as we discuss the Ring of Honor – Respect is Earned PPV! We will discuss the great in ring action, who impressed, who didn't, what worked and what didn't (which isn't much as it was a great show!) This was to be a part of the Great American Bash podcast, but we went on for 1-hour and 15-minutes so ROH gets it's very own show! Download and enjoy kids, and remember, always drop us a line and let us know what you thought!
If that doesn't work, copy and paste the following link into your browser and you'll be fine: http://www.sendspace.com/file/v4trxr
How the 4R's of wRestling Work!
Here is a quick explanation of the 3 R's. I will take the 4 main shows (5 if I go RetRo) of the week: TNA Impact, WWE Raw, ECW on Sci-Fi and WWE Smackdown. If we have a PPV, that show will get a special PPV edition of the R's all to its own. I then group my feelings on the shows in various categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and need discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied or go the wrong way the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles, Diva searches and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come. This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a "mark" column, nor a "smark" column, I cannot speak for Geoff, but my goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. There are also occasions where I will bring out a 4th, 5th or even a 6th R to the column, so beware of those~! I will not apologize for my opinions, they are as they are, whether very positive or negative.
TNA VICTORY ROAD PODCAST and MORE~!
We're back with the latest discussion of the TNA Victory Road PPV. We'll discuss a really fun PPV, some dumb stuff, the future of our show, new equipment, DEAR CHRISTI, the next STACKED show and much, much more! 60-minutes of fun~!
If that doesn't work, copy and paste the following link into your browser and you'll be fine: http://www.sendspace.com/file/g8e5qk
ALSO…
The new post PPV column that is sweeping the net! This time THE WIFE herself gives her instant thoughts, so check it here!
iMpact!:
iMpact 7.12.07:
The Right:
Serotonin Explodes – The second match on the show was that of Serotonin, Kaz, Martyr and Havoc all battling for a shot at the Gauntlet Ultimate X Match at the PPV. This has been slowly building for a long while as Kaz would refuse canings from Raven and argue with him, and even took a beat down from his collective for that. But this match would allow one man into this important #1 contender's match. Martyr and Havoc worked over Kaz constantly, in order not to allow him to get the win, but in the end Kaz, who is now fully a face took the win and got the spot. After the match Raven appeared and beat down Kaz with the cane, and then Martyr and Havoc did the same. They rolled him into the ring and got a cool Superkick/TKO deal. Raven then used the snot rag on Kaz, for further humiliation. I fully expect a Kaz vs. Raven match as this feud continues, and hopefully Kaz can rescue Martyr and reunite SHAZARIAN~!
Video Packages/Interviews – The one thing I have really enjoyed lately have been the video packages from TNA. This week the videos for the former AMW members were what caught my eye. First was the James Storm one from the bar. While Don West almost ruined it, James Storm continues to prove his great personality and that is awesome. The man has such charisma in his character, mainly because that is how he acts in real life. He is a cowboy that drinks all the time. He had great liners and overall it was fun stuff. Then there was the Chris Harris package. While he lacks the personality of Storm, the video was great. Discussing his rise to TNA, the reluctant yet very successful run of AMW and his shot at being a top guy. It painted him perfectly and these video can really go a long way in making people care. Great work.
puRgatory:
Abyss vs. Hoyt – Impact kicked off with Abyss vs. Lance Hoyt. I remember these guys having a surprisingly great PPV match back during the dark period while TNA had no TV before going to Spike. So I had hopes that at the very least this would be a fun singles match. And it was a damn fine match, one I enjoyed and another good match for Impact in these last few weeks where they had stepped up. Abyss wins and looks dominant, while Hoyt still looks strong because it was Abyss. But we had issues. First of all this in Hoyt's first big singles match since joining Hemme. He should not lose. Abyss is battling the Coalition for a chance at Cage and has a new monster in the wings about to make life hell; he should not be losing here. So in typical TNA style they book the match in which both men cannot or should not lose. And then it went into the 87-man formula afterwards. Blah.
The Main Event – The main event this week was another example of good wrestling that TNA has been putting on, and that makes me happy. 3D, Angle and Joe battles Cage, AJ, Tomko and Roode in an 8-man tag. The first thing to notice is that Robert Roode carried himself VERY WELL in a match with a lot of the upper TNA talent. He never looked lost and looked as if he belonged. For a still relatively young guy in the business, that says a lot I feel. Secondly was the pussy ass actions of Kurt Angle. He purposely stayed on the apron the entire bout and let his team do the work, waiting for his chance where he tagged himself in, took out his own partner in Joe and stole the pin! This was a tremendous heel action here and played out perfectly while the match went on. Everyone worked hard and played their part well and in the end, this was damn good stuff. On the other side of the coin we have this problem. How did this build to the PPV. Sure you have Angle screwing Joe, who he has to tag with, but outside of that, nothing. Why did 3D stick around when they could have left and screwed their opponents, weakening them in the process? How did this build to Cage vs. Harris? How did this build to Tomko and AJ vs. Sting and Abyss? How did this build to Roode INC vs. Gail and Young? It didn't at all, and in the end, with this the last thing we see, they hyped the main event as they should but a lot of other stuff got the shaft in the process. Good wrestling, unfortunately not that great booking.
The Wrong:
Go Home Show? - While this was the go home show for the PPV, I just didn't get that feeling of urgency. I didn't get the big vibe that the PPV was just DAYS away. They opened up with Abyss vs. Hoyt, nothing to do with the PPV. They have their match and then AFTER the match we get typical TNA booking and have 43 men at ringside trying to build a lame feud and also trying to carry on the Abyss feud. Not the best of ways to do things. We then get a video package for the main event match, which is a bad way to build a PPV main event by having everyone have to tag together and I discussed that above. The Serotonin match was fine as it added to a PPV match, but it was a match with no explanation and no announcement of who the other men in the match were, you just knew Kazarian was in. The Rhino/Storm and Harris/Cage stuff was effective, and built to the show, so good there. Finally the Paparazzi segment was there, and while I KNEW the match was coming it wasn't announced or alluded to UNTIL 40-minutes into the program, right before the PPV. All in all a very below average go home for a PPV, and that is not good for TNA as they desperately need to get PPV buys up.
The Ridiculous:
NADDA~!
SmackDown!: By: "The Whole Geoffin Show" Geoff Eubanks
SmackDown 7.13.06 Yes. I know. I broke my personal rule and read the spoilers and I know. Imagine my glee. But that's for next week. Be forewarned, friends, wear a tarp like you were at a Gallagher concert, cuz I'd sure hate if any bile got on ya.
Okay, this is just plain getting ridiculous. John Kronos was found dead. Seriously, I haven't seen this many wrestling-related personalities looking to join anything, such as we have now with respect to the dearly departed, since Eric Bishoff was handing out guaranteed million dollar contracts. I don't mean to make light of this; Kronos, one-half of ECW's ELIMINATORS with Perry Saturn, remains one of my favorite top ten tag teams of all time, and I am truly saddened by this news. But my heart is really beginning to harden where this whole bi-weekly deal of dead wrestlers is concerned. Honestly, respect yourselves, respect your families and respect your fans and STOP DYING.
In lighter news, the announcement that Randy Savage will likely be involved on the next season of VH1's "The Surreal Life" with the likes of Dabney Coleman, Carrot Top and Miss Cleo bodes for some AWEsome TV, because you don't have to be psychic to foresee Savage and Dabney ripping a binger in the hot tub after Savage puts the beat down on Carrot Top after he tells Macho to "Snap into it" one time too many. Can't. Wait.
The Right:
Half-man, half-amazing – Funny how the most interesting program on SD! is the Matt Hardy-MVP UST story, as well as the Orton-Rhodes story on Raw being the best thing going on Mondays, considering none of these guys are anywhere close to a world title. Just saying.
SD! hit its peak this week in the first segment this week as Matt Hardy carried The Masterpiece-of-shit to the best match of his WWE tenure (that's not really saying too much, quite frankly, but still…). If Masters looked this good every week, I'd hate him a hell of a lot less. Matt's just about got channeling Ricky Morton to an alchemic science, which is what has been contributing in large part to the success of his most recent run on Friday nights, as he always seems to manage to reach down that much deeper and mount a comeback just as it seems he's toast. Again, Matt manages an impressive sequence whereby he transitions into and lands The Twist Of Fate out of nowhere for the three, which only has added to the unpredictable and exciting nature of his matches lately.
Meanwhile, MVP was busy kicking ass on the mic as the guest commentator, taking his uber-cocky asshole heel gimmick to a new height. The thing is, the manner in which he delivers lines like, "Michael Cole, I am half-man, half-amazing," come across as if the phrase just comes to him in that moment, implying he's exceptionally good at thinking on his feet (either that, or he's a damn good actor who is exceptional at playing in-the-moment). If this is so, this ability, combined with the manner in and rate, which he's improving in the ring…watch out. (Just hope MVP doesn't get busted for his "It's not that Hardy's so fast, it's just that Masters is slow" shoot!)
Following the match, MVP distracted Matt, facilitating the application of The Masterlock from behind, thus putting Matt down, allowing MVP to nail a Playmaker/Ballin elbowdrop as an exclamation point leading to this Sunday. I kinda have qualms about this, in that, if we're trying to allow Masters to get back a bit of heat via the too-little, too-late finisher, then how foolish was he made to look once MVP entered the ring and all but shooed him from Matt, tacitly saying, "Yeah, thanks, there, Tank, but I got this from here. Go find Dr. Astin or something." The look on Masters' face was priceless, like a little kid who gets chased off by the eighth graders, but not so good in the overall for him. I predict Matt as the new US Champ, although it's a shame that MVP's reign will end so soon.
Call me crazy – Maybe it was just that my expectations were so low going into the Victoria/Torrie Wilson match, but I thought this was a fun, spirited little contest. And maybe it was Victoria carrying Torrie, but I was actually pretty impressed with both women's performances in this one tonight. Torrie came off looking like a tough little bitch (even if Victoria had to dumb down her own skill level to do so). Torrie scoring the upset was surprising, as I expected Victoria to wipe the ring with her and I'm actually nominally interested in seeing where this goes from here.
purgatory:
Japanese cowboy pounced by Irish midget – Ah, if Maxim had a TV show on Spike. Now, don't get me wRong, this is in the higher echelon of puRgatory, because this was a damn fun match and I was truly impressed at how well Finlay's rugged veteran style meshed with Jimmy Wang Yang's spotastic move set to create a truly exciting bout! The thing that pervasively bothers me is that I really can't recall the last real program in which Finlay was involved and it's a damn shame because I really feel he's got more to offer SD! than the entertaining, although somewhat stock matches we're offered each week. Because there's no deeper dynamic from which to draw creatively each week as a story develops, one can almost call to the second the moment when The Little Bastard will make his appearance, signaling the end of the match (although there was a change up this week, as Our Bastard emerged post-bout, but it was pretty much six of one, half a dozen of the other).
Also, I am now convinced The Wanger must have lost a bet, streaked through the backstage area, running around like a crazy man, lifted up Pat Patterson's shirt and squeezed his boobs whilst making a honking sound then squatted on the Gorilla position in front of Vince and taken a dump because it's becoming apparent that someone has it out for him. Poor guy.
So much for Lafave's Chuck & Kenny theory – Sorry, Papi, but not one word was mentioned about Kenny Dykstra's jobbing to Chuck Palumbo last week, so a program between them isn't likely. This was a great little squash match tonight featuring Palumbo dismembering local boy Luke Hawkes, which is exactly why I have this in puRgatory. Shouldn't Chuckles have started out with a no-name opponent before he moved on to actual roster talent? And, thing is, Hawkes made Chuck look better than Kenny did with the same results. Worse, this match actually made me wanna see more of Hawkes than Palumbo. And, of course, Kenny was nowhere to be found this week. Way to spotlight the young talent.
The other white tag team – I really want to like THE MAJORS BROTHERS, and I likely shall at some point. I hated…I mean I positively LOATHED THE ROCKERS back in the day. It wasn't till Shawn Michaels superkicked Marty Jannetty through Brutus "roughest trade in beauty school" Beefcake's set window that I started liking HBK. By the way, speaking of The Showstopper, I finally watched WrestleMania 8 for the first time last weekend (I was living in the dorms in college at the time and, believe it or not, we didn't have PPV) and I think it might be a classy move on his and WWE's part if, when he returns, he reverted back to Sherri Martel's version of "Sexy Boy" as his entrance music, even if just the once. Just a thought.
Oh, yeah, THE MAJORS. I dunno, they're obviously capable, but, aside from their ‘80s retro double-team moves (which I hesitate to wonder will get over in the modern day), they seem awkward in the ring, even against seasoned pros, such as their opponents tonight in Chavo Guerrero and Jamie Noble. That "changing targets mid-enzugiri" was SWEET, though. Hopefully, the dissention between Noble and Shabbo will lead to a program over the CWT, which would RULE.
Wishin and hopin and hopin and waitin – We're still waiting to see what's going on with 1) Kristal and Vickie's plans for Teddy Long, 2) Jesse & Festus to debut (and as lame as are these vignettes, they're gonna have to be pretty fucking spectacular in the ring to balance them) and 3) to see if these tampon ads featuring Michelle McCool are gonna go anywhere, so this is just about the basic definition of puRgatory. And, no, I'm referring to Vickie Guerrero as Kristal's "mooo-d of honor". Nope. Not going there.
The wrong:
Mardi cous-de-Gras – You know, I had originally intended to place in puRgatory Edge's Mardi Gras celebration and the set-up vignettes of Kane stalking him in the back. The backstage stuff was just copied and pasted from more than one previous Kane program, leading one to believe that Creative is just fulfilling Glen Jacobs' contract provision for his annual world title shot and cares fuck all about being, you know, creative about it. Seriously, it felt as if Steph brought out her recipe box of stock wrestler angles, yanked out an index card at random and was like, "God, I ALWAYS pull this one…oh, well, let's go with it." Nothing against either Kane or Edge…they just didn't have anything creative with which to work in this regard. As a matter of fact, the reason this was going to be originally placed in puRgatory as opposed to The wRong was Edge's performance. He really got into the whole Mardi Gras vibe and worked his ass off to get this lazy, predictable booking off the ground.
What convinced me to stick this in The wRong after all was the fact that this dumb ass skit was the catalyst for Edge tearing his pec and being shelved till SURVIVOR SERIES, which is the SUCK. Granted, I still hate Adam Copeland for what he did to Matt Hardy (no, JT, I won't get over it…not till Matt has a world title over his shoulder), but I'll be damned if Edge wasn't a hell of a standard-bearer for the blue and silver (to say nothing of having the absolute coolest pyro in the history of the business) and I'm damn sad to see him go. I guess you reap what you sow, Adam. I don't know if Edge's pec was hanging by a thread and would have fallen off the bone eventually anyway or if this was just an unfortunate accident, but this is neither the segment nor the feud in which to sacrifice a champion the caliber of Edge, especially as piss poor as our roster is in the aftermath of the prison shower ass-raping that was the draft. Oh, yeah, Ric Flair is out, too. Hooray.
At least the camera didn't catch Michael Cole flashing his tits from the announce position for a string of beads.
Now available at WWE.com! – The Great Khali table lamp! This handsome, plastic figure stands ten inches tall and, when the AC adapter (included) is switched on, the 15-watt bulb (included) will illuminate your bedroom/bathroom/boudoir through the holes in this future World Champion's enormous areolas! Fine print: Not guaranteed to keep away The Boogeyman. Customers who bought this item also bought: The Great Khali talking action figure. No, it's not broken…he just sounds like that.
Sorry, but anymore, I'm having to make my own fun on Friday nights (interpret that however you may). HIGH MARKS to Dunn's SD! report this week for the following line: "Khali's translator, obviously sired by Eric Bishoff while he was doing peyote buttons during a trip to Nepal…" That is easily the funniest thing I've read all week!!! I'm afraid for the ramifications of the match between Khali and Batista, as I mentioned last week. We already have enough people on the shelf, we don't need to add Big Dave to the list.
Tonight we had more stock angle "advancement" with Nature's Little Oopsie assaulting a backstage local wrestler playing production assistant (hmm…where have I seen that before…?), much to the chagrin of WWE's HR department before we moved on to that wellspring of tension (ie, McMahonagement has no idea how to advance the angle in any creative fashion), the contract signing, which consisted of Batista attempting to be the just hero by offering his hand in a display of sportsmanship (after, you know, attacking him in the ring last week) only to be dissed by Khali, resulting in the hand of gentlemanly intentions slapping the bitch off Khali's Easter Island statue-sized head. While I did enjoy that, I have so little faith in this program, we're completely wRong-bound.
BTW, Dave? AWEsome suit, shirt and tie…but we don't wear tan shoes and belts with charcoal and pink. Tack-KAY. But you're coming along…you're coming along, bless ya.
Birds of a feather – So…are we going somewhere with Lenny & Squiggy setting up Eugene to be squashed by Mark Henry? Like is Handiman gonna find himself a partner to challenge our "champions" since they have fuck all to do Right now? If so, God help us. If not, WTF was this about tonight? Eugene is an aficionado of classic cars now? I'd have preferred it if he'd have gone up to Cherry and started giggling, thus incurring the wrath of our "champions" as they implore about what he's laughing. As he chews on his thumbnail in that darling way of his, with his free hand, he points to Cherry's rack and replies, "…fake…" One way or another, we're either sacrificing continuity to get these four guys on TV for a total of three minutes, or we're going to have to watch "Mr. Wresting" Nick Dinsmore job to a couple guys who couldn't wrestle a can of Pringles away from a five year-old. Bravo.
The Ridiculous:
Aside from the notion that we might start a 411.com betting pool with respect to which wrestler will be found dead next – NAADA.
Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: yostankmama@hotmail.com
RAW!:
RAW 7.16.07:
The Right:
Behold the King of Kings! – As Raw kicked off, we were treated to the awesome King of Kings theme music of HHH! The crowd popped in anticipation for the return of HHH and then, Queen Sharmell and KING BOOKAH appeared from the shadows and posed the statement that we were expecting someone else. He explained that the music was blasphemous and that HHH was indeed, no king. He then stripped HHH of his title of King and proclaimed his rule over all the WWE, but he did have one bit of business to discuss. He then turned his attention to Jerry Lawler. He told Lawler that as a sign of respect that he should remove all mentioned of King from his name. Lawler said he had been King for 30-years, but would agree to it to keep the peace. King Booker said that there was just one last thing to do, and that was to kiss the ring of the KING. Lawler refused and they brawled, which allowed us to see the awesomeness of Lawler's punches. They got pulled apart and I was actually hoping that they would add this to the Bash. Awesome segment, and King Booker is so great, it just sucks that he will be fodder for HHH upon return.
IC Contender's Match – The first match on Raw was to crown a #1 contender for Umaga's IC Title. It was a 4-way elimination match, something I appreciated, and included former IC Champs Jeff Hardy, William Regal, Sargento Mozzarella and Shelton Benjamin. That is also something that I appreciated. While not all of the men have been booked well recently, the fact that they are all former champions does at least make the bout appear that it is important. So they kicked off and early on Sargento Mozzarella got eliminated so he could go and put the moves on Maria, and that is fine because the match got better after he left. Regal was so great here and damn they really need to have him in a program as soon as possible, and no, the crap with Carlito, Hacksaw and Sandman doesn't count. Regal was gone next and Shelton and Jeff battled it out and Jeff took the match. In the end I think everyone knew Jeff would win, which is fine since he is over. He's had his ass kicked by Umaga three times or so already, but they were rather entertaining matches and I expect a fun PPV match from them.
Orton vs. Cody – I have to admit here that I really struggled where to place this in the R's this week. A strong part of me wanted to place this in purgatory, and then part of me thought right. After much consideration I will go with the right for this week and shall explain why. Firstly I thought that they jumped the gun on the Randy vs. Cody match. I thought this should be an outcome of the bull rope match and not an angle-building tool for it. But I will say that as an angle building tool it worked incredibly well. Orton was on a completely new level of being a heel in this match and it was excellent. Cody carried himself well, great personality and bumps and sells excellently. I do question him having to lose so cleanly right no, but again they played up the rookie aspect really well and the crowd was WAY into him, popping for a possible finish off of a missile dropkick, so it looks as if he will be fine. The after match stuff was great as well with Dusty trying to tend to Cody as Orton prepared to concuss him, and Dusty protecting him and calling Orton out. This was good stuff. I say again, more Dusty please. The match may not be pretty Sunday, but the build is so, so great.
puRgatory:
Building Lashley vs. Cena – All throughout Raw this week they had video packages playing with various stars like Foley, JBL, Austin and other predicting the winner of the upcoming Cena vs. Lashley match. I liked this because they made the match seem very important by doing this, and considering it is the main event of the show, it is a necessity. But then they got to the main event interview, and we leaped off of a cliff with no parachute. Lashley cannot talk, and Cena quoted a bunch of movie lines and played up his underdog shit. Dude, you cannot pretend to be the underdog when you beat everyone and have had the title for 10-months. This was very lame I thought and did nothing to make me want to see the actual match this weekend.
Melina vs. Mickie – Melina and Mickie had a match this week on Raw, a match that meant nothing because Melina was already set to face Candice at the Bash. So they had a match and it was fine. The Glamazon got involved and Melina won the bout, Candice ran off the bad girls and stood tall. Match was what it was, but the real this here is that again, they have limited themselves to 3-4 women and have no plans for this division. It is just hard to care when you know they have no long term plans. JD said it excellently when he posed the question, "Who would have thought Mickie would be playing second fiddle to Candice?" Not I says the man infatuated with Mickie James.
Kennedy vs. Crazy – Kennedy and Super Crazy had their match this week on Raw stemming from Crazy costing Kennedy his shot in the beat the clock deal. They had a fine little bout and the crowd was into things, which is good. They hate/love Kennedy and seem to enjoy Crazy as the wacky guy he is. Fun match overall and Kennedy gets the clear-cut win he really needed. But I think it is too little too late. As stated last week they had the perfect chance to have Crazy in the main event match and THEN it could have led to the singles bout where Kennedy dominates and gets momentum back. Some backwards booking here I feel, overall not bad, but not the best it could have been.
The Wrong:
Sandman/Carlito/Hacksaw and Regal – Some people seemed to have liked this whole wacky deal from Raw on Monday, but when it was all said and done, all I could do was scratch my head and wonder what the hell I was watching. First of all Regal and Hacksaw have some odd homosexual promo backstage all to set up Ron Simmons saying DAMN. Zero Buys. Then, Carlito and Sandman have another match and Regal, stemming from last week gets involved and then Hacksaw comes out to save the day. The fact that Jim Duggan has a job in WWE in 2007 astounds me. This whole thing was very odd and well, just blah. Some people liked it because it is wacky and all, but I just wasn't interested at all by it.
The Ridiculous:
Snitsky – I know it has been a while, but I have to bust this out: "I do not now, nor will I ever give a flying fuck about Snitsky. I appreciate the attempted make over, but no amount of squashes will make me consider him a threat, or even a good wrestler, and I am not talking about in ring technique per say, the overall package is what I mean. As I have written, maybe if they would have started with him doing squashes at the beginning I could have gotten into this. Or maybe if he had never been brought up to the main roster when he was and he debuted now I could get into the character, but I just can't do it. He doesn't look scary really, just ugly with bad steroid acne. I am not buying him as a threat, I am not buying the character. He is there because he is big, Afa trained him and Vince has his fetish. I expect a world title run or main event push for him, joy."
ECW on Sci-Fi!:
ECW 7.17.07:
The Right:
Big Daddy V Rolls, no, not Big Daddy V's Rolls… – I know people are probably thinking that this is odd that this is going to be the only right this week. Last week I did discuss the fact that this is just another chance for a big man that has been loyal to Vince, but the fact is, that so far, it is the right thing for him. He is the monster of the brand, there is always a place for a monster in wrestling. Having Striker as a MANAGER is a MUCH better choice than he as a wrestler. As a wrestler he bores me to tears, but he can talk and they are utilizing this talent, which is a good thing. I am also an advocate of the use of squash matches in the right context. For this angle, it works. They are building a beast and so far, so good. Man boobs aside.
puRgatory:
Punk vs. Burke – Since Monty Von Crown couldn't make it for some reason, he no-showed, and the planned Punk vs. Monty match was scrapped for another match we have seen a lot of times already. I give some lenience there as it was not the booking committee's fault that Monty didn't make it. So they had a match and were given a lot of time to work with each other, which is good to see since there are two of the young guys that they have begged as a big part of the company's future. But to me, the match was just…there. It was not bad I will say that. They seem to work together well, but I just, I just felt like I was watching match. I had no emotion at all. Not hate, not love, not interest, just watching match. So Sorry CM Punk fans, I know I'll get the "hater" emails but this did nothing for me.
Gimmick Makeover: John Morrison – It was hyped that ECW Champion Johnny Nitro would be making an announcement that would change the face of ECW. At first I wondered if one of his abs exploded and he would have to relinquish the title, but that was not the case. ECW kicked off with his press agent/gay lover telling us that after tonight, we would never see Johnny Nitro is ECW ever again. Right away I figured this was a gimmick change, and I was right. I was thinking that it would be "Johnny Extreme" or some shit like that. At the end of the night Nitro was no more and John Morrison was here. Now let me say that I actually support a change for him because he still had the MNM music and gimmick, and since Melina was keeping that shtick, he needed to change. So he comes out and looks cool, like Jim Morrison of the Doors. I was totally cool with this, because a Jim Morrison character would kick ass. This is where the goodness ends. Instead of a Jim Morrison type character, he is basically an over achieving jock. Add onto that the fact that the dude just does NOT cut a good promo at all and it seemed to drop off for me. Punk would come out and Nitro would beat him down, well, hit him and hit his finish and stand there looking mean while some people chanted for Punk. It was ok, but not nearly the reaction you'd want going into a PPV title bout. You take the good, you take the bad; you take them both and there you have the facts of life, or some shit.
The Wrong:
Dreamer vs. Thorn…AGAIN? Repetitive Rant Coming… – Once again it is becoming painfully obvious that the ECW roster is in need of more bodies and better booking. We discussed the CM Punk vs. Stevie Richards matches last week. While good matches, they are constantly repeated and it becomes like a wrestling version of Groundhog Day. Well this week we're back to it again, and this time with Dreamer and Thorn. They were in numerous tag matches when the New Breed and originals were feuding and overall this is their 6th singles match on ECW TV. The other issue with the matches, besides being repetitive, is that they aren't that good. But I beg of the lack of creative team to wake up and do something to change this because it is to the point that I am done discussing it because it makes me angry. They really need to add someone or some people to this roster because they have run out f fresh matches. I will actually give this a bit of a break, I was going to go ridiculous, but since Cor Von no-showed I will be lenient. Let's look at the members of the roster, as far as wrestlers go:
-Ok, the Miz is a stretch and I plan to complain about him later, but that's pretty sad that these are the only programs in the ECW promotion right now. Burke is in total limbo since the New Breed faded, as is Cor Von. Dreamer is the lone Original, basically, and is just there to put people over. That's fine, but shouldn't he be in a program to better do that then? Thorn has about zero steam, and has lost a lot of his aura since they cut Ariel. Balls is a jobber and won't be around a lost since he is doing the Super Hero show. Nunzio and Stevie are jobbers for the brand, but at least they have good matches with people. Knox will come back; I figure with a renewed push, so that will be something. This is honestly sad. There are so many people with no direction, heat or anything to do. They could stand a few fresh bodies (1-3, no more) and start booking so that we care, and possibly the secondary (TV) Title. It may actually help in this case. They just really need to do something, because while the show has it's fun weeks, they have just as many that bore me to tears, like this week's show. Trust me, if they add 1-3 people, restructure and book so that people care, it will work. What they are doing now is not working.
-As far as this match itself goes I figure I should discuss that a bit. It was fine. It was just there, and it was every Dreamer vs. Thorn match that I have seen. They seemed to work hard and that's good stuff, but I just got bored. Thorn gets the clean win, which is good for him as he needs it. Also the after match beat down was fine stuff, but they really need to follow up with Thorn, otherwise it is just more of the same. ECW: Groundhog Day.
The Ridiculous:
Um…what the fuck am I watching? – Seriously, what is this crap with the Miz? He comes out, he cuts this promo about women wanting him because he is great. It is like, he is supposed to be a face but is cutting a heel promo and a bad one at that. He talks a bunch of crap, and then the Expose comes out and dances for him. And that's it. What the fuck am I watching? Seriously kids, someone enlighten me…ENLIGHTEN ME~! This sucked a cock. Just have the chicks dance until they know what they want to do with Miz that doesn't involve sucking.
RETRO WWE GREAT AMERICAN BASH!:
WWE Great American Bash: 07.23.06:
The Matches:
WWE Tag Title Match: Kendrick and London defeated The Pitbulls @ 13:40 via pin ***¼ Match of the Night!
WWE US Title Match: Finlay defeated Regal @ 14:00 via pin **½
Gregory Helms defeated Matt Hardy @ 11:45 via pin **¾
Punjabi Prison Match: Undertaker defeated The Big Show @ 21:47 via Escape *¼
Bra and Panties Match: Ashley defeated Jillian, Krystal and McCool @ 5:25 via stripping * (For JBL's commentary, which ruled. The match blew.) Trash of the Night!
Mr. Kennedy defeated Batista @ 8:45 via DQ *½
World Title Match: KING BOOKER defeated Rey Mysterio to become the NEW World Champion @ 16:57 via pin ***
The Right:
The Tag Title Match - This right here was your match of the night kids. For once the guys that can go were almost totally unhand cuffed and allowed to do their thing, almost, but it was a lot more than they are usually allowed to do, and that was a treat. They also actually got time, almost 14-minutes, and when that happens, you get to build a match and have a chance to connect with the fans, which they were able to do by the end of the match. The crowd got hot and after a little bit of quiet, lured then in and got them where they wanted them. This was really a treat and a great way to kick off the show in a hot way. They worked well together, and I hope that after the wellness and discipline issues, that they get to feud some more.
I do need to say that while Smackdown has a promising tag division, it has quickly gone to jack shit with in a matter of months due to breaking up teams, ECW, attitude, injury and wellness; which is a shame because they had the talent to have a good division, now they have nothing but a set of tag champs who are talented, but no one to face. They'll probably get blamed for the division sucking because they are small. I almost put this in puRgatoRy, but decided just to add the end there as something that had to be said.
JBL - I would really like to take the time to sing the praises of one John Bradshaw Layfeild, better known as Smackdown's greatest announcer JBL. Now most of you should know by now that I do not get UPN, so the Smackdown PPV's are about the only times I can see stuff from the brand. I download the occasional match and have seen Saturday Night's Main Event; but that is such a small part of the product, and it is hard to judge things. So I was really looking forward to this show so that I could check out some things and one of those things was the commentary of JBL, which I have enjoyed in the small doses I have heard. JBL worked overtime to get anything and everything over on this show, and he did a damn fine job. The opening tag match was a great example of this, as he referenced that the guys studied a lot of lucha, he brought up Zero One again, the history of the Rock and Roll Express at the Great American Bash and that they trained Kash (I know for certain Ricky Morton did) and the hard work that they were bringing to the table. WWE fans have been so conditioned to not care for the small guys, but commentary like this from a "big man wrestler" like JBL could sway Joe Q. Casual fan to actually care about them, and THAT is a very important thing. The US Title match he put over the brutality and history the two men shared, adding to the match greatly. The Helms vs. Hardy match he was also on big time, singing the praises Helms as a dominant Cruiserweight Champion (debatable due to the booking of the division and booking of Helms) and making a thrown together match seem like it meant something. As bad as the Punjabi Prison match was, JBL put over the mystique and brutality of a match that had never been seen before. During the Kennedy blood bath, he related experiences of his own from a wrestler's standpoint, once again adding to the match itself. Heading into the main event, JBL was just JBL as King Booker made his entrance. King Booker was making his way out, blowing kisses and JBL was standing with his hat over his heart and proclaimed, "Try and catch a kiss Michael Cole…and feel the majesty that is King Booker!" He was just on all night putting over the matches and guys in the matches. A great job and as far a I am concerned, he can stay on commentary forever.
The King of the World! - So it is written and so it shall come to pass, there is a new KING of the world and his name is King Booker! The time was right to take the title off of Rey, and in my opinion King Booker was the perfect choice. King Booker can still go in the ring, he can work with about anyone well and he is very entertaining, which you have to be to be a champion for Vince. King Booker has been one of the highlights of Smackdown for a while now, even before he was King, if you can imagine him NOT being King, I mean come on! They had a good match, nothing special, but it was a good match and an acceptable main event with no doubt.
In the end, the rather pitiful run of Rey Mysterio as champion is over. King Booker finally wins a championship under the WWE umbrella after a great career resurgence, and is primed for a very entertaining run. The attack by Chavo Guerrero also kicks off the Chavo vs. Rey feud, which will be Chavo's highest-level feud of his career. Whether he can live up to expectations or not is another question, but the reign of King Booker has begun and we have this feud in place, so all went according to plan.
puRgatoRy:
Finlay vs. Regal - I was hyped for the prospects of the three-way match when it was announced. The use of Finlay and Regal to teach Lashley is something that I have been a proponent of since the beginning and had even been writing about to show my support for this plan. And then Lashley lost the US title suddenly going into the match, I said that there may be a wellness issue, which there was, and that he may job in the match. What happened was that he was pulled from the match, but all was not lost since we were left with Regal vs. Finlay; which is greatness waiting to happen.
The match was what you would expect. Regal and Finlay hit each other very hard, they basically stayed to the mat, very little rope running, and just the solid basics. They integrated the leprechaun into the match as well. The spots were hilarious with him tormenting Regal, Regal running from him and the leprechaun biting his hand, only for Finlay to follow up on that and work the hand of Regal. They even made all of this work towards the finish as the leprechaun stole Regal's boot, and Finlay used it to beat Regal. Sounds lovely doesn't it?
Well it all wasn't daisy's and sugarplums my friends. You see, the crowd basically SHAT on the match. They were bored, they chanted boring and only popped for the leprechaun, and why is that? Because they were either all cheered out, or just didn't care. And why is that? Because WWE made the BONEHEAD decision of bringing out Lashley before the match. See, they thought that they were making Lashley a tough guy hero by demanding to fight. What happened was the crowd got into something they weren't going to get. They chanted "LET HIM FIGHT" and "LASHLEY" repeatedly, and then they made him leave, and when he left the enthusiasm of the crowd left with him. Regal and Finlay already had an uphill battle as they were both heels in King Booker's Court, but if they went out there and were tough guys and stiffed each other and used a little comedy with the leprechaun, I think they would have been fine. But they teased the crowd with Lashley, took him away and the reactions that we got was the result of that. Extremely poor planning by the E here.
Helms vs. Hardy - Now this ended up being an unexpected surprise. When they announced Matt Hardy, I was like, "What the hell is Matt Hardy doing on this PPV, let alone any PPV?" The reason I ask is because they don't use him at all and that he wasn't scheduled. I was thinking that they were going to add a match with him and Sylvain or something to add some time to the show because of all the stuff that went down, but it ended up that he was Gregory Helms opponent. That is all well and good because I figured that they would have a good match and they did. I commend them for having a good match and adding to the card, but I was left just feeling odd about the match.
First of all, I know that Crazy got pulled due to the Liver Enzyme fairy, but they still should have made this a Cruiserweight title match. See my issue is that they went out of their way to say that Hardy was a former Cruiserweight champion, but then said that he was above the weight limit. Here is the thing, you offered up that there would be a Cruiserweight title match and should have delivered on it. Wrestling is a worked business and they lie about weight and height all the time. No one would have been like, "I think Matt Hardy should have been weighted in before the match" because if you just say it is a Cruiserweight title match, people will just be ok with it and go on. In the end, Helms didn't defend the title and while he has a "long reign" with the belt, it is meaningless. This will sound repetitive, but Smackdown has a promising cruiserweight division, it has quickly gone to jack shit with in a matter of months due to breaking up teams, ECW, attitude, injury and wellness; which is a shame because they had the talent to have a good division, now they have nothing but a solid champion with almost no one to feud against. All that is left is Psicosis, Funaki and Scotty II Hotty. Rey and Chavo are higher up the card, London, Kendrick, Kash and Noble are in the tag ranks, but Kash and Noble are off the road along with Crazy for now. Davari is wasted as far as being an in ring talent and they don't give 2-shits about Matt Hardy, which if anything could be used there.
Batista vs. Kennedy - There are a few reasons that this one didn't find the right or wrong category this time. The first thing is that I wanted to give a break since the match was not what was planned. Kennedy is still learning in the ring and Batista is no ring general in anyway, so this could have been a disaster. Thankfully the match was not what I imagined it would be. I expected Kennedy to take an ass whooping, get little offense and job clean to Batista, but again thankfully I was wrong. Kennedy looked good in there with Batista, and while the match wasn't that great, it was fine for the last minute replacement. Also, Kennedy got busted the hard way on the steps and ended up bleeding a ton. With him still being inexperienced in the big match environment, he could have panicked out there and froe, but he didn't. He gutted it out and did his best to put on an entertaining match, so I give credit where credit is due.
Onto what I didn't like. First of all, they cut Kennedy's ring intro gimmick again! That is the 3rd time that this has been done, Crazy and Hardy on Smackdown and now Batista on PPV. While Batista the character is believable doing it, the others weren't and it kills a huge part of the "Mr. Kennedy" gimmick in my opinion. Secondly, while I was all for the DQ ending in this case due to me not wanting to see Kennedy buried, this wasn't "protecting" him. I won't say that they buried him here, as he bled a ton and looked believable in there with Batista, but the after match beat down did nothing but make Batista look good and Kennedy a bitch. Sure you could argue that Kennedy was beat down and bleeding a ton, but it didn't protect him. All I could think is that he was made weak out there in the end. We will have to see where this is going, but the match wasn't horrible and on such short notice and the huge blood loss and guts shown by the still inexperienced Kennedy; I won't punish the effort too much and will put it here this time.
The wRong:
The worst bra and panties match ever~! - My lord this was horrible! I mean, sure, I am all for chicks getting stripped and looking hot, but they looked so lost out there that this was painful to watch. I mean, their hotness couldn't even save it. If there were naked chicks, I would have ignored it, but no, this was bad. The only thing that saved this was JBL being awesome on commentary as noted above. When he yelled at Michael Cole for trying to call this as a wrestling match by saying, "Hey Gordon Solie, quit calling the action and pay attention to the ladies" I about pissed myself. Thanks JBL, but this was still so bad.
The Ridiculous:
Punjabi Prison Match - First of all, I know that we are all aware of the old rule, "Card subject to change," but this was such blatant false advertising that it wasn't even funny. Khali is there all night and saying he will take out Taker, he and Show attack and then we get the lamest excuse for a match change ever. Teddy Long uses his "power" and pulls Khali and books Show into the match, who isn't even a Smackdown talent. That was all, no "I called Vince to make sure" or anything even remotely creative, just, "You're here and I say you have to wrestle." At least they admitted before the show that Lashley wouldn't be wrestling, although they messed that up as well. Lame!
Now I will say that that match was worlds better than it would have been if Khali was in there, but that being said it wasn't good. The overall gimmick is actually a cool one, with the double cages and overall look of the match. If Taker was in there with a more athletic opponent, or if two very athletic guys worked the match, this could actually be a cool gimmick to use down the line and be a cool Smackdown only gimmick match. But in this case it was way too long and way too slow. 20-minutes of Show vs. Taker was not what the doctor ordered in my opinion and overall really drug things down for me.
Closing Thoughts: This could have been a disaster. History said this would be a bad PPV, Henry was half of a money match they had planned and was out. Lashley was over big and was a huge part of the US title match and was ousted. Love him or hate him, they were banking on taker fans shelling out for Khali and Taker, and that didn't happen. But despite all of that, they avoided disaster and put on a pretty decent show. I will go 5.5 out of 10 for the show, not a recommendation but not too bad considering the situation and history of this particular show. They definitely avoided a disaster here all things considered, and for the most part it was rather enjoyable; but I can't tell you to spend $40 for it.
