Truth B Told 7.26.07: Strap One On

Posted by Bayani Domingo on 07.26.2007

Maybe all the WWE needs now is elastic waist pants? No need for so many belts anyways when the booking uglier and sloppier than Big Daddy V’s man boobs. Are there too many Titles in wrestling?

I love how Vince has such a sense of humor about Smackdown. They put the World Heavyweight Title on the tallest wrestler they have and the Cruiserweight Title on the shortest wrestler they have. They have Deuce and Domino as the tag champs despite not having a real title defense in months (Snuka and Slaughter don't equate to legit), then they have the one feud people care about over the US Title which curtain jerked the GAB. On the other brands you have Punk vs Morrison in a feud that is the only thing going on in ECW and on RAW you have Cena with a strangle hold on the WWE Title while a Playboy model owns what is probably the 2nd most pushed title on the brand, just above the IC title which had one of the worst champions in a decade hold the belt and the Tag Titles which is currently being defended for the 67th time against the Highlanders rather than the two teams that can actually…you know…wrestle. I'm dumbfounded as to why the "e" can only manage to book 2 or 3 of their titles effectively at one time. Then again, if they followed TNA they wouldn't need that many storylines at all.

TNA currently has booked a match with ALL of the titles on the line. Which is Ruckin' Fidiculous. Basically it puts all the titles on one guy to make him the focus of the promotion and leaves everyone else with Jack and Shit to feud over. Okay, we have alcoholism and "emo break ups", but that's hardly "must see TV". The problem is that the X-Division and Tag Titles are basically just a means to an end to get to the TNA Title. I have no problem with that Tag and X-Titles being "secondary titles", which they should be, but Christopher Daniels won the #1 contendership in Ultimate X and the Dudleyz never got their rematch for the belts. So where does that leave them? Right now it is going to take at LEAST another month to book the titles off either Joe or Angle if they win. That means they have to lose a handicap match (probably with the loser of the match interfering and costing them) to a tag team to lose those belts and another match to Daniels or possibly Kaz to get the X-Title off them. The only other way to work this is to somehow have ALL the titles stripped and run 3 tournaments, which is just Ru-ssophmoric booking at it's finest. The problem with TNA is that there are too many wrestlers built up that deserve the few titles they do have, while the WWE has too many belts and has watered down each division as a result.

Then again RoH has managed to survive with the fastest titles of any real brand (like ECW is a "real" brand) and so far they are..um…okay, I'll just say it and RoHbots be damned…they need another belt damn it. I know they are running the "Race To The Top" tournament this weekend, but what the hell does that even mean? Do they get a trophy? Do they get a belt? Do they get a lovely Hummel figurine shaped like a bashful Samoa Joe holding a flower that says, "Joe is going to Hug You"?? What the hell man…what the hell? Ever since the "Pure Wrestling Title" got phased out the entire roster not revolving around maybe 3 or 4 wrestlers (mostly from Japan) has been a HUGE aimless mid-card. The "Faction Wars" have fizzled and the Briscoes have killed the entire tag division which consists of them, Steen-Erico, and… I dunno…let's go with Matt Sydal and X. X being anyone in the locker room at the time other than Dunn and Marcos. I'm sure the tournament will be swank and all, but what does it really mean? For God's sake, someone give RoH the European Title or WSX belt or something, lord knows I can only stand so many random Brent Albright squashes before it has to mean something.

So what does this all mean? It means that right now there are just enough belts to go around in wrestling, problem is, the distribution of them sucks ass. While some companies have the right amount of belts, they lack the proper distribution of them. Other companies have the right number of belts, but have such a horrible track record of booking them that they might as well get rid of a few. Then again there are those companies that could use just one more belt to even out the roster a bit. Really this all comes down to the problem with having a "Championship" belt, because it takes more than an individual to have it sit around their waist, but the roster to support the belt and the booking to make it matter. Let's go company by company and figure out what to do.

Okay, let's start with the easiest situations and go from there. That starts with ECW. Now prior to Lashley getting drafted to RAW and Benoit getting drafted to He…uh…we'll just leave that one alone, there was a call for an ECW TV Title to give Punk to run with. Now the roster is so thin that even Nicole Richie tried to give it a slice of pizza. The current situation revolving around Punk, Morrison, and to some degree Burke and CorVon is fine where it is. They don't have enough of a mid-card to run with a second belt and this way they don't end up with gold around the Boogeyman's waist… at least until Punk/Morrison are tragically maimed in a "Straight Edge Sarcophagus Match". *I just made that up…sounds cool huh? It's probably just a big cell made out of bamboo…and Pepsi cans* ECW is fine for now and if anything it provides more of the young guys with potential something to fight over, although it is clear that Vince wants us to know it is by FAR the weakest brand Championship of the lot. Otherwise why keep jobbing their champions out to John Cena? While I wouldn't be against an ECW TV title right now, I think they can still run an interesting show if they just put more time into making us care about the characters they trot out instead of just cycling the same jobbers through them each week.

Next we have RoH and the middle card which is so overflowing plump that even Big Daddy V is disgusted by it's ‘man boobs'. I said it before and I KNOW that the "Road To The Top" or RT3 is supposed to be a big deal, but all it does is make the winner of the tournament a contender for the main event. It doesn't secure them a belt, it doesn't give them a guaranteed title win, it just means that the winner is now a fringe main event player just under KENTA, Nigel, Morishima, and Danielson. The rest of the field…well, they get a thermos full of ‘diddly squat'. Not even a swank metal one that's all double reinforced, like a used plastic thermos with a torn "Go-Bots" sticker on it. I'm sure RoHbots everywhere will come up with these great mitigating circumstances and reasons for why all those guys in the field are such a big deal, but honestly, Pelle Primeau is in the tournament…how elite can it be? Currently BJ Whitmer is in the tournament and stuck in mid-card hell for years. He holds the record for most Title shots and subsequent losses in RoH history with 589. Really, if you're not in a title hunt for either the Tag or World titles…what are you doing?

I know the FIP was supposed to replace the Pure Title as the secondary belt, but using another company's ‘Big Belt' as your 2nd one just seems to make that company seem 2nd rate. If anything the RT3 should have been for the secondary belt. If not the "Pure Title" then something comparable. I know the whole idea behind RoH was supposed to be the wrestling and not the stories, but you need at least something to keep the mid-card off the treadmill. With pretty much only 1 or 2 tag teams and 4 main eventers, that leaves a huge gap in RoH for the guys stuck outside that top tier. Another belt would at least give them something to do. Otherwise EVERYONE will end up a card carrying member of "Sweet n' Sour International".

RAW has a fairly simple formula to work with. They have 3 good tag teams to feud over the titles along with the Highlanders and Cryme Tyme to mix in for comedy sake. The "Women's Division" is made up of women who have had their cooch plastered all over the internet and a few other bosomy chicks fighting over a meaningless belt. The Intercontinental Title is for the mid-carders and foreigners and of course Cena's Title which everyone gets to fight over but never win. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Sorry, I think I've been watching too much Food Network. But anyway you slice it they have all their ducks in a row. Now if they can only give LonDrick a proper feud with CaDoch instead of throwing the Highlanders at them every damn week.

Now for the slightly harder brands as TNA is fine with 3 titles while they only have 1 hour of TV, but seem to like to just fuck up as much of their roster as they can at once. Right now you have Christopher Daniels with the #1 Contendership of the X-Title, along with Kaz being the one break out star from Serotonin and of course "Black Machismo" who was the surprise break out star that Kevin Nash actually helped elevate. Weird, I know. But right there you have to figure a way to get the title off Joe or Angle, my suggestion is have a match where XXX faces Joe or Angle (let's say Joe) and if Daniels pins him he wins the X-Title, if Skipper or Senshi wins they get the tag titles. Of course Daniels will win and Joe doesn't look so bad since he lost a 3 to 1 and XXX can finally turn heel.

The Tag Titles could either go on LAX, XXX, or the MCMG's for all I care, I actually think they could put LAX clean over Joe with no problem in a handicap match, XXX goes over thanks to Daniels, or the MCMG's win via Nash-ference. The problem is that Joe has to lose 2 matches to give up the belts, which "theoretically" makes him look bad. The only other option is to strip at least one of the belts off him or come up with some impossibly complicated and convoluted match where multiple men are involved and he doesn't get pinned to lose the title. Either way the booking staff has painted themselves into a corner, which at the time seemed like a good way to put one of the men over as the "top dog" but in the end leaves a lot of holes to fill after ‘Hard Justice'.

At this point the damage has been done and unless this ultimately ends in a draw then someone is going to have to take two losses to move the titles off of the teams and X-Division guys who deserve it. This is what's known as "short sighted booking". But make no mistake about it, once the titles are off Joe or Angle there are more than enough contenders in both divisions to make the scenes interesting again. All they have to do is make each title seem important on their own instead of using them as a ‘booking device' that all leads to them being merely a means to an end to win the one title they actually HAVE booked as a big deal lately.

Now we come to Smackdown, which really is the most difficult show to figure out. Right now Khali and Batista are the main event. It's clear that Kane and Mark Henry have been built up as ‘threats' but really aren't the guys you want carrying a brand, then again neither is Khali. Batista and Rey Mysterio really are the most "over" wrestlers they have left on the roster, Matt Hardy comes in a close 3rd place, but the fact is that he recently lost clean to MVP so he's not really being pushed that heavily at the moment. Oh and Ric Flair? Yeah, if you think Khali looks bad in the ring, look at what Flair '07 has become. Although a ‘nostalgia title reign' might be nice, it's ultimately doing nothing for the brand nor the wrestlers who still need to make their legacy, not merely supplement the one they've already built over 3 decades. Bottomline is that the WH Title is in dire straits and as far as I can tell the only way to bring someone like Rey Rey or Matt Hardy into the mix is by taking the belt off Khali and letting Batista run with it as a heel against the two smaller ‘faces'. Either that or they are merely building up for Undertaker to take the title…in which case…I weep for the PPV matches in the next few months.

The US title is just fine. Smackdown has, if nothing else, a ripe mid-card full of potential. No need to mess with that title as it appears the US and WH Titles are really the only well booked and necessary belts on the program. Now the Cruiserweight title is another story. At this point it's Chavo, JWY, Jamie Noble, Shannon Moore, and Funaki…oh and the "Champion" Lil' Bastard aka Hornswaggle. No one cares about this division, in fact, no one cares about the wrestlers IN the division. The only way I could see the division being saved is to inject some new wrestlers into the scene (Mysterio, Kenny, or *gulp* Teddy Hart) or to actually take the shackles off these guys and let them wrestle in the real "high risk" fashion they can. The 1st scenario seeming more likely I would think that the NEWEST New Hart Foundation would actually be the answer to both of the glaring problems on the program. It's no secret that the Tag Division is also dead. The Tag Champions are Deuce and Domino and Domino is injured right now. They haven't been defending their titles and right now the Major Brothers are the only real tag team they have. With the call-up of 5 individuals that could all change. 4 of those being Teddy Hart, Harry Smith, Nattie Niedhart, and TJ Wilson to form the NNHF2K7. The other being Paul Birchall to team with Dave Taylor. Right there you add 2 new tag teams which brings the total to 3, which for now is manageable, and you add a new CW to the division.

At this point I would have to suggest that the Tag belts either be unified or the New British Bulldogs brought up immediately because at the moment the tag belts are for all intents and purposes, defunct. I actually think that combining the titles would be for the best, but the WWE keeps insisting that there is in fact a "brand split". Which is a shame because it might give guys like CorVon/Burke in ECW something to do in the mid-card if they let the tag titles be defended on every show like they …well like they did up until the Hardyz lost the belts. Any way you slice it the CW and Tag Titles on Smackdown are dispensable at the moment and until further reinforcements arrive they will continue to be so.

The Truth

I think a "Championship Belt" is one of the most essential things a company/brand needs to not only be recognizable but also establish your top talent. A Title is the ultimate reason for a feud with no other explanation needed. Why are two guys feuding and wrestling a series of matches? Is it because one guy aborted another guy's rape baby? Is it because of the destruction of a dead best friend's low rider? Is it because one guy pulled another guy through a cemetery on top of his dead father's casket? Uh...definitely not the last one, but the answer to all those questions could have been "no" and instead it was because of a belt. The prestige and recognition that comes with it. Sometimes companies forget about all that. You end up with all these belts and not enough talent to sustain it, or you end up with the same two or three guys fighting over one belt that ultimately becomes the focus of an entire show and ends up leaving everyone else in the cold.

Problem is, each title needs to be treated with respect and importance as if every title was it's own division, not merely a means to an end to get to the one big title. Otherwise what the hell is the purpose of cruiserweights or tag teams if those belts are so dispensable. I think booking has become so short sighted that the "creative teams" have lost sight of what a title can mean to a wrestler and their careers. I mean, if you can't book a title well, why even have it around? Having the right amount of titles is crucial and if you have too much title for too few belts you better find some damn compelling storylines for the rest of your roster, otherwise you end up with a fat mid-card with jack shit to do. Or...Jimmy Rave. Oh woe is da Em-Bah-See!!

Coming Up Short

I'm probably going to catch hell from at least one of the 411 staff's resident ECW ‘marks' this week, but I believe I learned a few lessons about what ECW is all about this week. #1. CM Punk and John Morrison are the only real wrestlers they care about, #2. CM Punk has not only officially made Elijah Burke his permanent "bitch" but he's also carved his prison name into his left butt cheek and sold him to Tommy Dreamer for some "cigs". #3. No one has any idea what the "new direction" was going to be for Kevin Thorn when they got rid of Ariel, unless ‘big, evil, space filler' was that "direction". #4. Apparently no one except the ENTIRE AUDIENCE knows that Big Daddy V used to also be a ring announce beater named Viscera. #5. The Miz sucks, he sucked when he started, he sucks now, and he will never be more than a title contender for the European Title…if it still existed, which it doesn't…#6. unless one or all of the ECW Nitro girls are signing up for Playboy soon, they are all more useless than a Nunzio ‘push'. Basically if they cold put Brooke ass, and Layla's body and moves on Kelly Kelly's head they'd be okay…they'd also have the perfect Franken-valet for Thorn. #7. ECW, which has the most potential of all 3 brands since they have really a clean slate to work with and fresh young talent, is basically skippable every week until Punk has the belt.

I'm not saying I "Hate" ECW, but right now it doesn't impress nor entertain me. Not to the level it could at least. There just seems to be no point to anyone on the roster except for Punk and Morrison and the fact that Punk doesn't even get to cut a promo, develop his character, or take from his old moveset much is just sad. When The Miz gets more mic time then the guy you are seemingly pushing as one of the top guys in ECW it just comes off as clueless. At the very least I got to see two of my SoCal favorites get squashed on TV (Zokre losing the 15 mins Challenge and Pheonix Star getting squished by BDV sans masks) as well as the "Brazilian Beast" Khafu, it just came off as pointless. I'm not saying that ECW needs at TV Title right now, but maybe it wouldn't hurt. It just seems that despite my high hopes for the show with all it's potential, for me, the character development and the proper use of talent is just coming up short.

6 Degrees of…



Louis Jones has quite a pair for this week:

Yo

Wow, I am so honoured to be the first repeat winner. You can call me the Yankees of 6DO... The Dynasty has begun.

As for my pics, I will heed your advise and show my Canadian Pride, and select a couple of Hot Canadian Women. Connect Elisha Cuthbert to Luna Vachon

You are a strange duck Louie. But, hey, its your week after all.



It was hard looking for pictures of Elisha scantily clad....oh...it was very hard. But you know...I will make that sacrifice for you, my readership. So...um...yeah. Okay, One More, but that's it...okay, go get to work ya pervs.

Whatchu talkin' bout readers?

Nothing apparently...maybe you guys were busy. You know...laundry piling up. Vacationing at Lake Chelan, whatev...

6 Degrees Results

#3

Louis Jones

1) Jack Davenport was in "Pirates" with Orlando Bloom
2) Orlando Bloom was in "Troy" with Brad Pitt
3) Brad Pitt made out with a young Kirsten Dunst in "Interview with The Vampire"
4) Kirsten Dunst was in the "Spiderman" movies, which also had cameos by Lucy Lawless
5) Lucy Lawless was in "Celebrity Duets" with Chris Jericho
6) Chris Jericho once "served" William Regal his Tea, much to Eugene's delight.

Well, the ‘streak' had to end sometime Louis.

#2

Dude, who the heck is your "co-judge"? I submit two entries last week and lose to a guy who won the week before? Granted the Billy Jack Haynes to Stone Cold link was awesome (props to you, Louis!), but c'mon. Too "by the numbers"? I don't even know what that means! Too "wrestling heavy"? Call me crazy, but I thought this was a wrestling column. I dunno. I may have to wave the protest flag on that one.

But, hey, life goes on. And so does 6DO:

1. William Regal is a member of the Vince McMahon Kiss-My-Ass Club (the first one at that), as is Jim "JR" Ross.
2. During an interview segment in 2003, JR was attacked and set on fire by Kane after Kane thought JR was mocking him.
3. Kane starred in the 2006 movie "See No Evil", as did Christina Vidal.
4. Christina Vidal was in the 2003 movie "Freaky Friday", which starred Lindsay Lohan.
5. Lindsay Lohan starred in the 2006 movie "A Prairie Home Companion" with Kevin Kline.
6. Kevin Kline starred in the 1997 movie "Fierce Creatures", which featured Jack Davenport.

Double C

Okay, I may have to put Dub-C on a "time out" now. Geez, you can't win ‘em all Dub-C…especially this week.

#1.

Seeing as we've got two Brits I thought I'd give it a shot and improve my 50% winning average at this little game of yours. I've included the HTML for some images of some of the degrees because I'm more likely to win if I provide pics of hot chicks.

1. Jack Davenport is slated to play a role in the 6th Harry Potter movie, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Already confirmed for the movie are Daniel Radcliff, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson. (Davenport to Watson)



2. In Spring 2005, Watson revealed that some of her musical interests included classic rock, blues, hip hop, and R ‘n' B with some of her favorite artists being Eminem, Eric Clapton, U2 and Nelly Furtado. (Watson to Furtado)



3. Furtado released her third album entitled Loose, which featured collaborations on many songs with recording artist Timbaland, including Promiscuous and Say It Right. (Furtado to Timbaland)

4. In April 2007, Timbaland appeared on WWE programming in segments with
several WWE Divas. In late April, he filmed a music video for the song "Throw It On Me," starring Ashley Massaro, Kelly Kelly, Brooke, Maryse, Layla El, and Torrie Wilson. (Timbaland to Wilson)



5. Wilson made her in-ring debut in WWE at InVasion 2001, teaming with Stacy
Keibler in a Bra and Panties match. The duo lost the match to Lita and Trish Stratus. (Wilson to Stratus)

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6. Stratus became the third person to join Mr McMahon's Kiss my Ass club in
Spring 2001 after betraying McMahon at WrestleMania X-Seven. The first entrant into the infamous club was William Regal!

I better win this!

D-Dubya

P.S. Great column as always.

Before people start calling this "office nepotism" I have to admit that while the pictures helped *a lot*…I also saw Harry Potter over the weekend which wasn't planned so it was good timing. I gotta admit though that if D-Dubya knew that much about Hermione that he must be a real "fan" of her work. By "fan" I mean, waiting outside her apartment hoping to get an "upskirt" shot on her way to school in the morning. For shame D-Dubya…she's only 17 after all. unless the age of consent is lower in the UK then it is here…in which case…no wonder Joey Ryan is one of the first confirmed names for PWG's European tour. Well, it looks like you won this week and as such you get to nominate a link for next week's 6DO. Why do I feel like a FOB pic is destined to show up in my column next week?

***Writer's Note: My column has basically become a full on, "hot chicks pics" gimmick hasn't it? Oh well...like you got something better to spank...I mean to read ***

Left Overs…

Okay, so how many jokes have people avoided for mentioning that John Kronus died last week. he was part of the "Eliminators" after all. It just seemed like a natural joke. I wonder how long we have to wait after ‘Taker bites the dust to start in on the jokes? I'm calling it a 1 week moratorium…tops. Then again if Undertaker and Sarah Taker ever end up dead in their home…I'm going straight to DDP's place, especially if guns are involved…"BANG".

The $250,000 RAW Diva search is now the $100,000 RAW Diva search. That's $150,000 less dollars for you mathematically deficient folks out there. I'm amazed though, cuz' usually you can talk a Ho down maybe $20 or $30 tops, but man Vinny is one shrewd negotiator. I wonder how much he was offering for an "around the world"?

So the "e" finally signed Ted DiBiase Jr. to a contract, giving them pretty much every single 2nd Generation wrestler in North America. The only thing left is to immediately thrust him, Randy Orton, Cody Runnels, the Hart Foundation 2K7, and Deuce into a year long feud with Aurora McMahon-Helmsley. Yeah, you know who's going over in that one. "Time to Play the GAAAAME"…peek-a-boo that is.

Down in OVW Nattie Neidhart, Teddy Hart, and Harry Smith debuted all wearing matching outfits. Actually this wasn't intentional and imagine the surprised looks on all their faces when they arrived to the arena, I can almost hear Teddy now, "What the f…you guys…I'M the only one who gets to wear a pink oven mitt to the ring…oh…I can't…OOhh…that's it, someone get me some more sparkly strawberry lotion". Ooh, Cat Fight!!

It looks like Bobby Lashley will now be feuding with Carlito, because…Carlito accidentally spit his apple on him. Then Carlito was mad because Lashley didn't accept his apology. Also slated for SummerSlam is a feud between Mark Henry and Shannon Moore where Moore asked Henry if his new skinny jeans made his ass look big…Henry responded that maybe he should consider some low rise jeans in order to de-emphasize his rear, Moore didn't like the way they sat on his hips as he has put on a few pounds and just before swimsuit season, Henry thought it was a crack at him being fat and sat in the dressing room eating a gallon of "Chunky Monkey" and listening to "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt for the remainder of the taping.

Okay, so I was confused whether Deuce and Domino's 50's looks is really a gimmick or rather that was actually the last time they actually defended those belts. Then again the WWE only has so many midgets and so many belts. Meaning Mysterio needs to find a partner…STAT.

The Steiner Bros won a small Tag Tourney in UWF which also included The Naturals, LAX, and Robert Gibson and Jay Lethal. Yeah…Jay Lethal LITERALLY was playing the Ricky Morton role. So when you trade Lethal for Morton does that officially make them the Midnight Express? *yes, a Black joke, I ran out of Benoit ones*

Former WWE wrestler Vito is trying to get into MMA now…but he's asking that he be allowed to fight in a dress. Ken Shamrock has offered the one he's been wearing for the past year in the ring.

WWC in Puerto Rico now has Scott Hall as their champion and Kejii Mutoh, aka the Great Muta, aka Black Ninja, aka Super No Sell, coming to their promotion soon. I think the promos are going to be amazing…no one in the P.R. will have a f*ckin' clue what the guy is saying and it'll just be so surreal. Hell, I can't even understand the guy half the time. I blame the alcohol induced slurring. Oh…ohh…you thought I meant Muta…oh…I see.

I already saw spoilers for the next X-Men spin-off due out next year. Hugh Jackman is not only the star but also the producer for the movie. I can hardly wait to stand in line and get my tickets. Man, I betcha "Wolverine" is going to KILL at the box office. I already have my bible ready and everything. *whoops, I had one left*

Chuck Taylor is now the IWA:MS Men's AND Women's Champion. Of course Chuck is a crooked heel double champion at that, but what do you expect of a guy who holds two MS championships.

Random Rant of the Week: I'm tired of seeing T-shirts with all this cryptic Japanese/Chinese lettering on it. Its bad enough that those tattoos are so damn popular now. You know what I like to do? I like to go up to preppy looking white dudes with those ‘Asian' character shirts on, look at their shirt for a second and look back at them and punch them right in the eye. Then when they say, "OWW…what the fuck was that for?" I say, "dude…that's what your shirt said to do…I was surprised too, but hey…you're wearing the shirt bro." Then I punch them again in the other eye for good measure.

Okay, so…why wouldn't every match in MS end with a "Spinebuster"? *MS suffers, please send hate mail HERE*

Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week



I think that deserves a drink...bottoms up.

Was anyone else surprised that when VKM announced they had a "Voodoo Queen" with them, it wasn't actually Lash Leroux? Yeah, me too.

Apparently Marcus CorVon had a "family emergency" to tend to, which is why he missed the ECW taping last week. I guess his wife gave birth to a baby boy and he needed to rush back to the Serengeti to watch on as a monkey held it into the air in front of a bunch of Hippos and Giraffes and shit. *it's the Ciiiiiiircle of Liiiiiiiife*

TNA is "internally" expecting a 2nd hour of TV soon as ‘The Ultimate Fighter' has moved to Wednesday. Yeah, and "internally" I expect to get a ‘happy ending' every time I get a ‘massage' from a Thai girl pretending to be Japanese. Then again…I get them in the middle of the mall at that open kiosk for $15 for 15 minutes. Maybe I'm just expecting too much? Naww…that bitch is a hand tease.

BONUS -Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week



Which is why I don't make my bed, its just going to get dirty again...and...sticky...

Pro Wrestling Guerrilla Spotlight: "Giant Sized Annual #4"

The Card (listed in order of my own personal anticipation):

PWG World Tag Team Championship Match - Best 2 out of 3 Falls
"The Man That Gravity Forgot" PAC & Roderick Strong (c) vs. The Briscoe Brothers (Jay & Mark Briscoe)

PWG World Championship Match
El Generico (c) vs. "American Dragon" Bryan Danielson

Austin Aries vs. Rocky "Azucar" Romero

"Mr. Wrestling" Kevin Steen vs. Necro Butcher

Fergal Devitt vs. Davey Richards

Unsanctioned Street Fight For Scorpio Sky's Reinstatement
Joey Ryan vs. Scorpio Sky

The Dynasty (Karl "Machine Gun" Anderson, "Photogenic" Chris Bosh, & "The Professional" Scott Lost) vs. The Young Bucks (Matt "Mr. Instant Replay" Jackson & "Slick" Nick Jackson) & TJ Perkins

Human Tornado (w/ Candice LeRae) vs. Tony Kozina

Plus Ronin, Top Gun Talwar, PWG Commissioner of Food & Beverage Excalibur, Commissioner of Wrestling Dino Winwood, and more!

You know, I'm really REALLY pushing for them to just sign a wrestler called Ann D'Amore so she can be booked on every show. Right now looking at the card I can pretty much guarantee that the first 4 matches on the card are going to rock. I have a feeling the Briscoe's streak of winning "2 straight falls" is coming to and end, on top of that Generico going over AmDrag could be HUGE if it happens. Rocky is easily one of my Top 5 favorite workers in PWG, probably Top 3. Good to see Aries and Butcher back, and Kozina and the Young Bucks did a great job at DDT4. I think I may be underrating the Joey/Sky street fight, but you know I'll have to wait and see because for some reason I'm expecting a BIG swerve at the end anyways, but it could really surprise me. Overall a damn good little "bridge show" to get us to BoLA 2007. if you haven't gotten your tickets to BoLA and booked a flight, hotel, rental car, hookers, and pre-ordered the commemorative water bottle and crystal candy dish…what are you waiting for? Still a fine show this weekend and I suggest anyone within a 2 hour drive should attend this show. I'll be doing a live re-cap, I think, afterwards. Which…okay, doesn't make it "live" persay, but as live as you can get without having to troll on the PWG Message Boards where 16 year olds will cream themselves over chanting "Oompa Loompa" and calling every match a **** spectacular. Which in espanol is…Spectacu-LAR, I believe. I know I'll be there with my usual Motley Crew. Which is a reference to the wrestling geeks I kick it with, not the 80's Hair Band that got laid an incredible amount of times. Which…yeah, isn't even close to describing the dudes I eat "Moons over My Hammy" with after the show. I know at least a few of the cats from the "Boards" here at 411 will be there. If you see me there, say "what's up". I'll be the guy wearing the "And More" t-shirt.

*Oh yeah, the info, legal jargon, times, etc: Pro Wrestling Guerrilla's "Giant-Size Annual #4" takes place at the Burbank Armory on Sunday, July 29, 2007 at 5:00PM. The Burbank Armory is located at 3800 W. Valhalla Dr., Burbank, CA, 91505. General Admission tickets are $20 and will be available at the door. For more information, please visit http://www.prowrestlingguerrilla.com. Card subject to change.*

***Retarded Personal Note: Just once…once, I'd like to see a disclaimer that says, "Card Subject to…RADNESS". Just once***

Pimpin' In High Places

You know, sadly enough these days, these are the only co-workers I can stomach now. Some more than others...I'm still trying to figure out who forgot to flush the 2nd stall in the men's room last week. Seriously, someone unleashed the beast in that mutha and they ain't tamed that bad boy yet:

Ask 411 and Cook will answer...sometime around September. What? The man inbox must be packed fuller than a balloon in Psicosis' ass while crossing the border.

Jules has his Top 10 GAB matches. Surprisingly no WWE matches made the list. What, did he not see Lil' Bastard get his bling last weekend?

A.M. has the BOTR this week. Packed full of Indy goodness...and carbs. It's true, they're everywhere.

Weyer else can you read about the "Injury Bug"? No, I don't mean the ‘free clinic' that is Lita.

R-Quattro says that "Respect is Earned". Which is weird, because I hear some high power executives are willing to pay good money for humiliation. Mostly diapers and spankings...so I hear.

CoH prepares for the RTTT this weekend. Expect a very big Cinderella Story this time around as I predict BOBBY DEMPSEY as the winner. *what was that? Oh he...but I thought...oh* Scratch that...I'll go with the Trik Davis then *what?? Oh for Christ's sake now*

El hijo de Adam has the G1 Climax...which sounds like a porno Cryme Tyme shot with Candice Michelle.

Sammy features Red vs Xavier in the IMC this week. Which is the last time they will probably ever be featured again. Anywhere. Period.

Good News comes in Small packages. But enough about Small's package.

So yeah, my co-workers was about to give her two week notice so that the company had time to replace her in a timely manner, when instead they decided to shit-can her and walk her out that day. Now they basically told me I have her workload on top of mine and they don't know when they'll find a replacement. Almost made me feel bad for scheduling those two interviews next week on my day off. Man, it's like Steph and Russo all of a sudden started ‘booking' my career. Oh well, nothing a little PWG this weekend can't solve. Or a titty club. Yeah, I gotta save my singles....so...who's in?

Till then, the Truth will set you free.

-B