wrestling / Columns
Wrestling’s 4R’s 7.27.07: XXX is back, Khali wins the World Title, Orton becomes the #1 Contender, Morrison rules over ECW and More!
How the 4R’s of wRestling Work!
Here is a quick explanation of the 3 R’s. I will take the 4 main shows (5 if I go RetRo) of the week: TNA Impact, WWE Raw, ECW on Sci-Fi and WWE Smackdown. If we have a PPV, that show will get a special PPV edition of the R’s all to its own. I then group my feelings on the shows in various categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and need discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied or go the wrong way the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles, Diva searches and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come. This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a “mark” column, nor a “smark” column, I cannot speak for Geoff, but my goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. There are also occasions where I will bring out a 4th, 5th or even a 6th R to the column, so beware of those~! I will not apologize for my opinions, they are as they are, whether very positive or negative.
Ring of Honor – Respect is Earned Podcast~!
We are back for yet another podcast and tonight we go where we haven’t gone before! That’s right, this time around we are joined by the Column of Honor’s ARI (~!) as we discuss the Ring of Honor – Respect is Earned PPV! We will discuss the great in ring action, who impressed, who didn’t, what worked and what didn’t (which isn’t much as it was a great show!) This was to be a part of the Great American Bash podcast, but we went on for 1-hour and 15-minutes so ROH gets it’s very own show! Download and enjoy kids, and remember, always drop us a line and let us know what you thought!
If that doesn’t work, copy and paste the following link into your browser and you’ll be fine: http://www.sendspace.com/file/v4trxr
iMpact 7.19.07:
The Right:
Serotonin continues to disintegrate – While I have some issues with the reformation of XXX, booking wise, I have no problem with the disintegration of the Serotonin group, as it were. I will just be discussing the after match angle here, as the match gets discussion below. For the longest time Serotonin was just jobbers with an interesting gimmick. They were given almost no TV time, and when on PPV, it was the Pre-PPV show. Slowly things started to happen, they always lost and Raven would come to the ring and cane them. Eventually “KAZ” started to show personality. He didn’t want to be a sheep, he would try and stand up to Raven, but eventually go back in line. Eventually he stood up for himself, and got beat down for it. He decided to go on his own and last week had to face off with Serotonin members for a shot in the X-Gauntlet. He won the match, and when he showed up at Victory Road, Kaz was dead and Kazarian was back. Now this week after Serotonin lost their match, Kazarian charged the ring with a cane and started to get revenge. The numbers were about to get to him and he escaped, while Raven was pissed. I am digging this, they are giving me a reason to care and that is good. Raven may not be what he used to be, but a good promo and Kazarian working his ass off in a match could work really well. I still hope that Kazarian can “free” Martyr and SHAZARIAN can return. At the very least Kazarian can be a major player in the X Division, which it needs.
Kurt Angle Entertains Me – I love Bi-Polar Kurt Angle. The guy that can be goofy one-minute and kill you the next. First JB was in the back, where Kurt Angle was tanning. JB knocked on the lid and wanted to ask him questions. Angle then asked if JB was looking at his junk, I laughed. JB said to go and see Cornette, or else. Later JB came back, opened the lid and Angle accused him of looking at his ass. He was told to go to Cornette’s office, or be fined $10,000. Angle then realized that his stuff, clothes and titles were gone and was pissed off. He then went storming through the building, wearing a red speed-o and flip-flops. He held a meeting with the wrestlers, and wanted his stuff back. Sharky was looking on and Angle asked him what he was smiling at, you see his mask looks to have a large smile on it. Angle then beat him up and I laughed. Next Angle stopped a production meeting, and stood on the table in the meeting room, wearing a red speed-o and flip-flops. He beat up a production guy that tried to leave, and I laughed. Cornette finally saw him, gave him a robe because he couldn’t go out in front of the people like that (forget he had been filmed all show walking around that way) and then Cornette, being awesome said, “And I want the $10,000 by Monday.” He went to the ring and wanted his stuff right away and threatened to beat down the crowd to get his stuff back. He explained to Kurt that he wasn’t a thief and gave him back all of his stuff, because he wanted to put the past behind them. He wanted to start a new chapter and challenged Angle for Hard Justice for ALL of the titles. Angle accepted, they hugged, grabbed some ass and then Joe head butted him and whooped his flip-flop wearing ass. Angle was able to fight back though and put Joe through a table to end the show. This was goof stuff and Angle is finally in a groove and is very entertaining. Funny thing, the same people that criticized Cage for being too funny love Angle and see no problem with this; funny how that works. The only thing that bothered me was him getting a “one up” on Joe again. It would have been way more effective to let Joe beat him down for once on one hand, but Angle is the heel and there should be a build to retribution on Joe’s side. We’ll have to see how it works out.
A return to their roots – This week saw a full return to their roots as far as Ray and Devon were concerned. After Victory Road they had cut a promo on the crowd and then followed up this week by coming out and not only fully going heel, but also attacking Tenay and West. I like the new direction. They were very motivated in the Victory Road main event, and the heel turn could do wonders for them. I approve.
puRgatory:
The return of XXX – XXX returned this week as a full unit and had their first match in any form of the group since December of 2004. Keep that sentence in mind. They faced off with Serotonin as mentioned above. This was a damn fine match, good crowd and fun wrestling. It was a bit under 4minutesm way to short actually as they were rocking, but it was fine to get all the points across they wanted. The finish was great as Havoc ate a top rope leg drop from Elix, a BME from Daniels and a Warriors Way from Senshi that killed him, the crowd exploded and it was excellent.
BUT…
Yeah, there’s always a “but” in things like this aren’t there? Remember the mention of December 2004? That was the night that AMW defeated XXX (Daniels and Skipper) in a tremendous 6-sides of steel cage match. The stipulation to the match was this: The losing two men could NEVER team together in TNA again. Well, TNA had done good for almost three years, but threw away the stipulation when Elix and Daniels tagged in this match. Come on guys, help me out here; you were doing so well too.
Rhino and Chris Harris vs. James Storm w/Jackie Moore and Christian Cage aka The Impact Special – This week we were treated to the usual Impact Special, 800 things happening at once and not nearly enough time to digest it all. We had Harris and Rhino vs. Cage and Storm. Four-men who have issues with each other. They had a fine match, and then Dustin Rhodes runs out and nails Harris with a chair, costing him the match. Then Jackie is back out to help Storm fight off Rhino, and they and Cage try to dump beer on Rhino. Tomko is out there in all of this as well. Abyss and then Sting run down to make the save then. Still with me? Good. Then we come back from commercial, Cage is running to the parking lot and is looking for AJ and the car. AJ says he has a truck and Roode then appeared. Roode says he will take care of Abyss. AJ then says he will take care of it. They argue and Cage tells Roode to find Tomko and deal with it and AJ says he gets to ride with Cage and mocks Roode. Predictably Abyss is in the truck and they run away. All intertwined, but Jesus such a cluster.
The Wrong:
Dropping back in the ring time… – You know I hate to harp on the same thing over and over again, but I have to keep going back to this point. Once again TNA went back to more angle and less wrestling, and while the angle stuff was fine to good, pacing was off and I think quality suffered. The opener was a damn fine match and really could have benefited in having another 3-4 minutes. This week we had a total of 11-minutes of in ring action and after a few weeks of really strong programming, this one felt a bit off. I have said, I still feel that they need to offer up as close to as much wrestling time as there are commercials. There are 18-20 minutes of commercials per episode of Impact. So hence forth as I have said, I feel that there should be around 15-18-minutes of wrestling action per week, minimum on Impact. I think that is an important thing. They need to show enough wrestling to make people want to buy a PPV. No one buys a show based off of 2-minute matches, run ins and no finishes. And I would suggest I am right, look at TNA’s buyrates.
The Ridiculous:
Kip vs. Hoyt – Last week I placed the Hoyt vs. Abyss match in Purgatory, mainly due to this reason: First of all this in Hoyt’s first big singles match since joining Hemme. He should not lose. And he did lose, beaten, looked bad and such. So now this week they have the chance to get him back on track and keep the feud between Hemme and her boys vs. the VKM and the Voodoo Queen. He would face off with Kip James on Impact, BG was on commentary and of course Hemme and Roxxi were out there. First of all BG was so good on commentary, it was just a shame that the angle sucks and that Kip James continues to sandbag his opponents, thusly making them look bad. This match sucked a cock, three cocks as a matter of fact. It only went 2:30 and HOYT LOST CLEAN! Jesus, you think they turn a corner on the booking and then flush it down the toilet. Hoyt isn’t the best but has shown that he can work with people that can lead. Also he is homegrown, not been in WWE and someone they COULD if they wanted to make important. Heaven forbid we do that though.
By: “The Whole Geoffin Show” Geoff Eubanks
SmackDown 7.20.06
Well, apparently Lindsey Lohan and I are neighbors. As I opened my eyes this morning, I was greeted to the sound of copious news helicopters hovering around her apartment building as if she was going to come stumbling out onto the patio and knock back a breakfast burrito with a Long Island chaser before doing a few poolside rails. In the country you have roosters. In West Hollywood, we have telecopters. I remember waiting for The Salvation Army to come pick up my old sofa sleeper and love seat as I watched Paris Hilton getting hauled to court, the copters buzzing overhead, listening to them fade into the distance as they headed downtown. You know, at least the criminals in my neighborhood are celebrities…
Oh, and I’ve been wondering…the FUCK is a Ziddio…?!
Speaking of criminal, though, let’s take a look back on Black Friday, shall we?
The Right:
Playing the part of Hamlet this evening, Edge – “Teddy, it’s only been a month!” Didja see where I went there? Pretty literary of me, huh? I loves me my Shakespeare. Yes I do.
So, as we touched upon last week, Edge’s pectoral muscle separated from his body (a pre-existing injury he chose to simply rehab the last time as opposed to actually heal, thus the reoccurrence, I discovered from Larry), and, of course, as the WWE bi-laws state, if a champion (not named Gregory Helms) does not defend his/her title within 30 days time, s/he will be stripped of said title, thus, Edge is here to relinquish the World Championship.
This is truly a blow to the SmackDown! brand, as well as the man himself. I make little secret about the grudge I hold against Adam Copeland toward the end of the Matt Hardy/Lita situation, but I’ve also been up front about the fact that Edge is just about the best thing going in all of WWE today. The booking with respect to how he won the belt was one of the most exciting and refreshing plots I’ve seen in a hell of a long time. It was absolutely predictable as hell, but it was STILL awesome because it played so well, a huge accolade for The Rated-R Superstar. I also was truly intrigued by the fact that, although he never cheated outright to successfully defend his belt, Edge was no saint, and, coupled with his repeated statement that he wanted to “be a champion [we] could all be proud of”, it made me wonder if they were going somewhere with that angle, which could have led to a significant evolution of the character. Now we may never know.
To highlight the forgoing, we were treated to a typically superlative career retrospective video package to “Simply The Best” (by Cyndi Lauper…?!) after Edge tearfully addressed the crowd (complete with cool lighting), who, for all the “You suck” chants, fans in attendance started to come around and actually give the man some respect. Maybe McMahonagement was looking to turn him face, allowing the fans to call the turn, because there were times ( eg, last week ) that he certainly seemed booked more like a face than a heel, but again, who knows? During this speech, Edge makes an interesting point – He’s racked up a shit ton of injuries in the last decade. Granted, the kid lets it all hang out and is damn good in any match into which he’s placed, but perhaps in the interest of career longevity, he should be allowed to slow it down upon his return? After all, he doesn’t have Mick Foley’s shock-absorbing build.
Following Edge putting over himself and his brief title tenure, Teddy asked for the belt, which Edge initially refused, having difficulty letting go after only a month (thus the Hamlet comparison above). Teddy practically asked, “GAWD, what IS it with Canadian world champions who don’t want to do what’s Right for the company?!” and Edge eventually handed over his title as JBL said, “Michael, that had to be the most difficult thing that man has ever had to do in his life.” Unfortunately, Cole’s response was the victim of post-editing: “I don’t know, John…it was no easy task getting rid of the clap Lita gave him…”
All in all, this was a classy segment that celebrated the all-too-brief Rated-R Era and a guy who should have had more and better. Heal up, Edge, we need you…badly!
Now that’s tabernacle, bitches! – God bless Vickie Guerrero. Teddy Long and she were in the GM’s office when she brought up the loose ends Edge’s forfeiture caused in terms of the predetermined BASH card for the following Sunday, that being, Khali and Batista had already signed a contract to face one another, but Kane had been named the #1 Contender to the World Title. What to do? Teddy made a main event for tonight pitting Kane and Batista against one another to determine a new #1 Contender. Good thinking, Vickie…and I dig the hair!
The match itself, as horrifyingly awful as it could have been, was actually exactly what it was meant to be, a hell of an entertaining back-and-forther featuring the two proverbial bulls colliding, the unstoppable force meeting the immovable object, as the great Gorilla Monsoon was fond of saying. Batista and Kane matched up quite well and proved that The Big Red Machine can still go if called upon so to do. And I gotta say, I don’t think anyone else has managed to get quite as much mileage as Kane has out of a single 24-hour world title reign a decade ago! Going just over the ten minute mark and having some time to chill down from the battle royal, both men got to the ring and let it all hang out, matching one another power display for power display, neither man able to come up with a three before Nature’s Little Oopsie meandered to ringside and throw the contest. Long did the only thing he could do considering the show was ending and the PPV was only 48 hours away – he turned SD!’s main event this Sunday into a triple threat. Personally, I’d have to give the match to Kane considering he’s only been allowed to fart around for eons and was able to step in such a fashion as we saw tonight, whereas Batista’s had shot after shot at getting the job done and has consistently come up short. Just my analysis, but I suppose that’s the point, isn’t it?
JBL’s Word of the Week returns – caveat: A warning or caution; also, a cautionary qualification or explanation to prevent misunderstanding.
purgatory:
Battle not-so-Royal – Okay, first of all, I’m not a fan of battle royals, mainly because, until the bottom half of the entrants are eliminated, it’s just a claustrophobic clusterfuck, no room for anyone to move or do anything interesting or entertaining, and this battle royal tonight was a total Exhibit A, as it rarely was even bearable until ten men had been chucked. (Speaking of Chuck, how was Palumbo the ONLY guy on the roster not included in this match? Did he draw the short straw?)
There were a couple of cool moments, though: Batista was my favorite wrestler in the world for about three seconds as he simultaneously eliminated our tag “champions”; better yet, Dave (Batista) tossed Dave (Taylor) immediately following, the Englishman’s boot clocking Domino on the back of his empty head on the way down…bwahahaha! (Batista also had a great pre-match moment with D&D, as Lenny & Squiggy were backstage talking about, “After this match, one of us will be the World Champion!” as Dave saunters by, looks at them, smirking and chuckling, practically muttering under his breath, “You fucking tools” before walking off.) However, even more impressive was the manner in which Mark Henry eliminated THE MAJORS BROTHERS by heaving one of them over his head and hurtling him at his sibling, sending them both to the floor…good stuff, Silverback! Also, I have to say I kinda dug the tease between Henry and Khali. If there’s one match I actually wouldn’t mind seeing is that one, because I’m curious to see how Henry would square up against Nature’s Little Oopsie. I laughed out loud, too, when Kane and Batista were sizing each other up and Khali tried to break up their moment; Kane hauled off and bitch slapped the clumsy oaf, saying, “Step off, Oopsie!” Good stuff!
I was pleased that Matt Hardy and MVP were allowed a good amount of time to go at one another in the midst of the battle royal, furthering their story while feeding the vacant WT situation, as well, especially when Matt eliminated MVP, throwing some more heat on the UST program. I noticed Matt stuck MVP with a pretty tight hangman’s neckbreaker…is that usually included in his repertoire…? Overall, I think it’s a good sign that Hardy made the Final Five and that he was the only performer in the battle royal tonight who had his name chanted by the fans…at a couple different times, no less!
The things that irritated me about the battle royal were just as glaring , though. Like, WTF was Jamie Noble thinking, firing up on Kane *and* Batista?! Seriously, Noble is smarter than that and it pissed me off to see continuity forsaken just to throw in some utterly meaningless comedy spot. At least Eugene’s elimination a moment later was character consistent. And, as much as I love The Little Bastard, I fucking HATE it when someone on the floor eliminates someone in the ring and it’s allowed to stand as legal.
And then there was the end. Oh, it’s the end, all Right. We’re supposed to believe that Khali is smart enough to hang back and pick his spot the way he did? I call 7’4″ of BULLSHIT on that. The only cool thing about Khali is his weight (think about it). And, ya know, Dave, if you’re so pissed off and fired up, don’t take out your aggression on the ring steps, get in there and beat the shit out of Khali! You want it, the fans want, I sure as HELL want it…DO IT!
By the way, it’s always a clue to who will win one of these things when we first return from break. When you have 15 guys in the ring and only five get a proper entrance, there’s your short list Right there. That’s another thing that pickles my cucumber about these things. No, Cole Slaw, Shannon Moore has as good a shot at winning the WT as you do.
Dykstra strikes out – Well, maybe he didn’t strike out, but this match was definitely a pop fly. Kenny did all the Right things at the Right times here as he dominated Hardy, even having the savvy enough to start yelling at Hardy as he applied a rest hold, grimacing in anger and earnest as he did so in an attempt to draw heat from the crowd, which had fallen silent, because they have nothing invested in Kenny because McMahonagement’s given them no reason to have done so. I have every faith that he’ll be something in a few years, because he knows what to do, it’s just that he doesn’t yet know how to do it effectively, smoothly and with panache, his offense looking terribly paint-by-numbers tonight. That’s just a lack of experience and, as I suggested the week following the prison shower butt rape (you know, the draft), I think a program between these two could do Kenny a world of good, working with the up-and-coming ring general, Hardy. I’m a big fan of Kenny’s raw ability and agility, but it wasn’t enough to make this as solid a match as we’re used enjoying Matt Hardy participating in here on the blue and silver. Of course, Hardy was awesome, though, and we were treated to still another variation of The Twist Of Fate tonight, something I think is going to eventually take him to the UST and beyond.
Following the break, MVP gave what I believe to be his best, most solid interview to date to that weaselly new male backstage correspondent. “I have done things in my life you only seen on a movie screen and I been places you hope to God to never see. My contract, my lifestyle and this United States Title says that I am better than you, I am better than all the SmackDown! superstars and, Matt Hardy, cuz I know you watchin, I am BETTER than YOU.” I mean, what can I say? This guy has caught fire in a BIG way and is one of the scarce few saving graces of what’s left of this brand. God bless MVP.
Second verse same as the first – Victoria was out for revenge against Torrie’s count-out victory last week, where I was pleasantly surprised at how fun and competitive the match ended up being. This week, however, wasn’t such an impressive outing. I think the thing that made last week as entertaining as it was, was the fact that Torrie had a little fire in her and actually appeared to be holding her own in the ring. Not so much this time, though. Granted, she bumped around quite a bit, but this was virtually all Victoria making her look good and, predictably enough, getting the duke to set up the prophylactic match. Nothing awful, and, considering the entire male roster, even the CruiserWeights (sans Chuck Palumbo), were all involved in the battle royal, having a divas match was almost necessary to avoid asking as many men as possible not to have to pull double duty. No, nothing awful, but nothing stellar, either.
The wrong:
I’m all for drool cups and all, but… – Okay, I am seriously over these promos featuring Jesse & Festus. Let’s get them in the ring already, okay?
The Ridiculous:
The winner and NEW transitional, paper champion – You know that episode of South Park where Stan & Kyle videotape Cartman having a tea party in his backyard with his stuffed animals, then get to the finals when they submit said video to America’s Funniest Home Videos? They’re watching to see if they’ll win and, when Cartman sees they’ve done this, he’s SO pissed off that he’s visibly trembling and can barely speak? “Yeh…guys…ah…emm…siss’ly…seh…pissed…uff…rahgt…nah…” Yeah, that’s me with Nature’s Little Oopsie as the new World Champion. Did you see the fucking dumbass when he grabbed the belt from Long after the battle royal? Fucking idiot holds it upside-down as he screams all bad ass to the crowd. My head is shaking back and forth pressed into my hands. Even my cable was pissed. No kidding, my cable-started tweeking just as Tony Chimel announced Khali as the champion. “Who can beat The Great Khali?!” asks JBL. Uhm…John Cena…? Khali’s translator, post-match, announces that this is going to be a reign of vicious brutality…yeah, in the fucking RING, since we now have a champion who looks as if he’d just as soon chew on the belt as wear it.
Screw you guys…I’m going home.
Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: [email protected]
RAW 7.23.07:
The Right:
The Royal Battle – From my recap: We kick off the show with the ring set for “Tea Time with King Booker.” King Booker had a table, half eloquently decorated, half not. He invited Jerome Lawler into the ring, his half has a cup of coffee, no tablecloth and a half eaten donut. King Booker’s half is very nice, with a goblet and spread of fruit. They exchange words and Lawler attacks and chases off King Booker. The barebones as I missed parts since I was at work and came to cover for Wilcox. This was damn awesome. King Booker is nothing short of awesome, and Lawler is awesome when he isn’t in his lame “comedy announcing mode.” The man still throws better punches than 90% of the roster. I am all for this because it has been very entertaining, and again, the only thing I hate is that Booker will be fodder for the $6-Millin Dollar Man when he returns.
Randall K. Orton: Legend Killer and #1 Contender – Randy Orton had a busy night this week on Raw. First he had to answer the challenge to a rematch from young Cody Rhodes. They had another spirited bout, Cody looked good, sold well and continues to impress in the rookie role. Orton continues to hit a new level and was great, hitting the RKO for the win. He was about to take out Cody, but Dusty rumbled to the ring to put a stop to that. After he dispatched of Orton, he attended to Cody, but it was then that he ate a concussion kick from Orton. Cody looked on horrified as they stretchered the Dream from the arena. Great selling with the facials by Cody and Orton. Then after the main event Randall was back to RKO Cena as he was announced as the #1 contender. I still hate the whole concussion angle, I will say that, it is a personal thing I dislike, but that won’t change them from doing that. But it has built Orton up, taking out HBK, RVD and now Dusty. It is believable in the build and that is a good thing.
puRgatory:
Hardy vs. Kennedy – The feature match this week, as far as length went was young Jeff Hardy vs. Ken Kennedy. They had a very good and competitive back and forth match here that the crowd was very into. The kind of match that is great for TV, but doesn’t give too much away if they go to PPV. Good match, until they went for the non-finish, which kind of soured me but I understood completely whey they did it. In the end we truly see Kennedy’s place on the show. While he was “protected” with the count out, he continues to have zero steam on Raw. He is just there because they felt they needed to pad the brand. Also, as we have seen, Jeff Hardy is in line for the next push. Tagging with Lashley, now running in and taking out Umaga in the man this week. Yeah, welcome to “expendable”, population Kennedy…Kennedy. Hopefully after Jeff wins the IC Title from Umaga, he and Kennedy can revisit this pairing.
London and Kendrick vs. Hass and Benjamin – This week on Raw we had a rematch of London and Kendrick vs. Hass and Benjamin. The first match was Londrick’s debut on Raw, and they ran through the WGTT rather easily. This was a much more evenly matched bout, that didn’t last nearly long enough. In the end, Kendrick crashed and burned to the floor, allowing the WGTT to hit the AWA Special (™Dunn) followed by a nasty German by Hass for the win. The problem is that Londrick defeated them very easily in their debut and Haas and Benjamin have been bitches forever. Add on top of that the fact that the champs are heels and you would think that Londrick would get the next title shot and it is confusing. Maybe the will have a three way tag, which has potential to be really good, but they seem to have zero direction in the tag division. Surprise, surprise, surprise. And the champs lost to one man tonight. TAG TEAM WRESTLING IS ALIVE AND KINDA HERE IN WWE~!
Ladies Tag/Santino – The ladies were in tag team action again this week as Maria and Mickie took on Beth and Melina. With the exception of Maria, who is still very limited, the ladies worked hard and well together. Beth is like a better-looking Jazz. A bit bigger and more powerful than the other ladies, as evident by her using the double chicken wing toss. The heels kept cheating, which prompted Sargento Mozzarella, who was on commentary to interfere and help his lady win. He’s getting some again tonight. Match was passable. The good news is that Sargento Mozzarella is getting some personality. He is being the good man and is very clingy towards Maria, which only means he will turn heel and THEN people may actually care about him when that happens.
The Wrong:
The Sandman and Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. Carlito and William Regal’s Awesome Robe/Carlito and Lashley I have to say that William Regal’s robe is absolutely awesome and fits him perfectly. Also, there is a part of me that loves seeing Regal and the Sandman trying to wrestle; I mean actually exchanging holds. It is like I am in a parallel universe and the Sandman isn’t a hardcore deviant, but a technical marvel when it comes to “the grappling.” But let’s get back to reality, and the reality that Jim Duggan has a job in 2007, Regal is hugely wasted, Sandman is a guilty pleasure and Carlito seems to care less and less each and every week. The match was there, it wasn’t atrocious but wasn’t any good either. Duggan means nothing here, and I suppose that Regal and Sandman will feud, which as noted above wouldn’t hurt me at all because it is hilarious. Carlito on the other hand, he is heading in a different direction. After their victory, Regal and Carlito were talking, and Carlito thought that things were heading his was, and that was cool. He had taken a bite from his apple, and of course didn’t want to spit it on Regal, so he turned and spit; and hit young Roberto Lashley. As you could imagine this didn’t make Roberto happy, and Carlito ran. Carlito ran out to the ring, and tried to apologize. Roberto came out and killed young Carlito. Well, at least it wasn’t a cup of coffee. Lashley should kill him and move on.
The Ridiculous:
Super Cena – I have written about this before, and I have to touch in it again. I am sick and tired of the Adventures of Super Cena. There is one thing to slaying the giant. It’s another thing to fend off numerous foes as they try to disrupt a match. But it is another thing to constantly win in handicap situations. I hated the end to this week’s show. He survives Umaga, who then gets chased away and then, easier that an elementary arithmetic exam he defeats the WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS ALL BY HIS LONESOME. I hate this shit. He doesn’t look any better and they look horrible. Here’s some free advice WWE, maybe if you humanize Cena a little bit, show some vulnerability, people will be even more into him. Example, Khali feud. Cena takes a beating, people even more into him, HUGE POP when he finally slays THE BEAST. I say this; yet again, it will not hurt him losing a handicap match, ESPECIALLY when part or the whole of the team are the OTHER CHAMPIONS! Cena is bullet proof, he will be fine and maybe, just maybe you’ll get some other people over as well! WHAT A CONCEPT~! I know they know this too, but they get tunnel vision sometimes and then forget about everyone else.
ECW 7.24.07:
The Right:
15-Minutes of Fame/Main Event Tag – ECW kicked off this week with Justin Roberts making a special introduction of John Morrison. Including the lines, “The Reason you are All Here” and “The Greatest ECW Champion of All Time.” It is no scripted Steve Corino entrance, but it was fine. He said that he defeated CM Punk in the middle of the ring at the GAB, and that the chapter with Punk was closed and that now he would move on in his career. He then said if anyone could last 15-minutes with him and or defeat him within 15-minutes he would give them and ECW Title shot. He then brought out a man that intimidated him, a small dude (Half of LOS LUCHAS) and gave him a match. He head butted him, and then gave him the spinning wacky-doo neck breaker for the win in 35-seconds. Tough shit for you Voltron. Morrison was better this week on the mic, not great, but a little better. A manager and or possible stable eventually would possibly help, I know Leonard agrees with me.
Later in the evening the main event was Morrison and young Elijah vs. Dreamer and Punk. This was a fine bout, and as expected they got the heat on Dreamer forever and he took himself a beating and Morrison and Elijah looked good. Punk got the hot tag, ran wild, Morrison escaped and Punk got the Go2Sleep on Elijah and that was that. Crowd is into Morrison, Punk and Dreamer; which is good. Love good, hate good, apathy, and bad; ask Thorn. This was a fine way to end the show. The biggest negative I have with this is that, yet again, Elijah Burke comes off looking like CM Punk’s personal bitch.
STEVIE WINS~! – This week Kevin Thorn faced off with young Stevie Richards. Thorn comes out to an apathetic crowd because he has gone downhill since losing Ariel. He wrestles a solid match, but no one cares when he is in control. Stevie comes out to some reaction, but it is that reaction to where the people know him, but they expect him to lose. Stevie works his ass off, as always and people start to get into him. For 4-minutes and 20-seconds this was every Kevin Thorn and Stevie Richards match ever in WWE. But then, then something wonderful happened. Stevie escapes the Crucifix bomb, got a backslide and HE WON THE MATCH! Do you believe in miracles? FN’ A RIGHT I DO~! Possibly the most underutilized man on the entire roster FINALLY got a win, and a win on TV. I said last week that I had a problem with the way they booked ECW, that they didn’t use what they had and that they needed to change. I also have been a champion of Stevie Richards for a long time. The thing is that he has had competitive matches with everyone on ECW, especially guys on top. If they so this right, he could be a good mid-card guy, with the possibility for that short push to the top of the card, where he gets defeated and then can ride off into the sunset. It could work, he is no less credible than Morrison, Punk, Burke, V, Dreamer or anyone else they are pushing and using. Speaking of using people, how sad is it that Cor Von can’t even find TV, a dude that has MAIN EVENTED PPV’s and done damn well. Yes I know he went home for a personal reason, but he wasn’t really being used before that either.
Big Daddy whoops ass; Andre Style – The revitalization of Mable/Viscera continues this week, and not only doe she get a JOB guy to squash, but he gets TWO job guys to kill this week. I have seen the job guys before, it actually was on the NWA Showcase show, one of them I believe was the other half of LOS LUCHAS and the bigger due was KAFU~! Both are capable guys, especially to bump around and be killed, and that they did in glorious fashion. Big Daddy looked impressive again and Striker was excellent on commentary in putting his man over. This is nothing new, and it is not complicated. It is as old as the wrestling business. Debut man, give a reason to get an emotional attachment, make him look strong, give us something to make us believe that he is strong and go from there. Simple and effective, and I like it. This is working for ECW, and I just hope they move forward with this next week.
puRgatory:
NADDA~!
The Wrong:
The Miz vs. Nunzio… – Once again we are treated to the Miz. He came to the ring and said that the chicks all loved him. He then said that last week Extreme Expose gave him a surprise, and he wanted to return the favor. He spared no expense and had three folding chairs and ringside for them, called them out and invited them to watch his match. This turned out to be a torture session for the ladies as Miz battled Nunzio. Not only did we have the instant rematch, but also it was not good. Bad. Not worth your time. They had timing issues, it was sloppy and at one point Miz took an odd bump and I was sure he knocked himself out. Unfortunately he recovered and defeated Nunzio for the 2nd straight week. He then brought the Expose into the ring because he had a surprise for them. Some shitty music hit and the Miz, like a total goof, danced like a retard having a seizure. Amazingly enough the chicks liked it and joined in. Wow…just…wow. This sucked.
The Ridiculous:
NADDA~!
From Brian on the ROH PPV –
Now Larry, I’ve sent you a number of e-mails that have both made your column and not. And generally I’m solidly behind you and your opinions (I think that they’re the fairest and most common-sense based opinions on the Internet) but I cannot stand on your support for Rocky Romero on the first ROH PPV. I’ll admit: I really, really liked the wrestling on the first ROH PPV. I thought it was awesome. But I also hold ROH to a higher “work rate” regard then I would TNA Wrestling and WWE. People and ROHbots have all told me, “Brian. ROH is the BEST pure wrestling this side of ever!” and I’ll hold them to that. And I’ll tell you exactly what I posted on a popular Newfoundland forum two weeks ago:
“Rocky Romero can go to hell. When I watch ROH, I’m expecting a higher level of wrestling. But the mother had his knee murdered, and he was using it for knee strikes, springboards and of course to stabilize Marafuji for cross arm locks. Yet the match is getting 3+ snowflakes (411mania, insidepulse)!? It was a good match, yes, but when your offense is your LEFT LEG and your opponent takes out your LEFT LEG, you probably shouldn’t be using your LEFT LEG. For a promotion that said right off the bat on the PPV, “We let our wrestling do the talking,” It was like Rocky Romero was telling me a story, reached a conclusion, but I didn’t get it because he forgot to mention the farmer’s daughter wasn’t really his daughter, but a post-op tranny. Or something.”
I know it may not stand for much, but it’s my opinion. And yes, I’m aware you called Romero out on it, too. But I mean, why didn’t you call it out further? I find that anyone will rag on TNA Wrestling and WWE for the exact same stunts, yet ROH only gets an irking? Now I’m by no means a TNA Wrestling or WWE apologist. Very, very far from it. But if ROH claims to be King Sh*t, shouldn’t they walk the walk?
I was harder on the match than most man. You may want to talk to the cats that gave the match a ***¾ rating. They did a lot of good work, but the leg no selling killed a lot for me. I think *** is more than fair. Thanks for reading.
Some fun emails I got regarding the Smackdown Title Situation:
From Daniel –
Hey, Larry. Well, sucks about Edge; Smackdown’s gonna be hurting now more than ever without him. I say now is the time for WWE to right the wrong which was moving Kennedy to RAW. Smackdown needs him, and yes, IN THE TITLE PICTURE. They could make him a surprise entry in that battle royal they are now holding(like they did with Angle back when Batista had to drop the belt), and pull the trigger on his title run(early though something like that would still be). Probably won’t happen, but that’s what the hell I’d want. I do NOT want the belt on Henry, nor do I want it on Batista yet AGAIN, though Big Dave would be the lesser of those two evils, I feel. The only other one who I could live with as champion would be Matt Hardy; this could be THE opportunity for him to take the ball and run with it. It all remains to be seen. I would still like to see them shift Kennedy back to Smackdown. We shall see.
From Patrick –
Damnit Larry! What the fuck was the e thinking? correct me if I’m wrong but did they just screw themselves? after weeks of the media saying that wrestlers felt obligated to use roids to get huge cause they thought they wouldn’t go anywhere if they weren’t and wrestlers saying that they push you based on talent and they go make the BIGGEST and WORST wrestler the WHC? Did they just prove the completely biased media correct? I really didn’t think it would be that easy for them. My god I’m ashamed to be such a huge fan of a company full of complete morons! I just hope he loses it at the Bash. But even then, he has held it therefore tarnished the meaning and worth and reputation of what so far has been a major title! And some were mad when they put the ECW title on Nitro or Morrison or whoever. Well this trumps that as the stupidest fucking thing any wrestling company has ever done! I’m going insane.
From Chris –
That is truly retarded. It really is, Kali wins the freakin belt? Now we don’t know who will challenge him? For one, Batista and Khali hate each other, big freakin deal, KANE EARNED a #1 contender’s spot, which should trump a rivalry. “Yeah Kane you are the #1 contender for that belt, but Batista and Khali don’t like each other, so you cant have the title shot now.” Or maybe a triple threat, not as spectacular, but out of the three men, I want Kane to hold that belt. I feel bad for anyone wanting to make it to the top of WWE, every time someone becomes a main eventer, THEY GET HURT!!! Wait…maybe that says something on how they are OVERWORKING PEOPLE!!!
And finally from Charlie –
I decided(having never seen ROH except for a few clips online) to order the ROH:
Respect Is Earned PPV. I feel like I would be their desired audience, as I
watch WWE & TNA, but prefer the X Division and better wrestling on Smackdown.
Here’s what someone unfamiliar with the brand thought of the PPV:Morishima v. BJ Whitmer
This match didn’t last too long compared to the others. The crowd was cheering
pretty hard for Takeshi. Eh, it was okay, but I would have started with
something a little more exciting. Morishima’s finisher was no joke. After the
match Nigel McGuiness and Bryan Danielson came out and did all the promo work.
They did a great job, and hid the fact that the ROH champion is probably a
little limited on the mic. Danielson and Takeshi basically double teamed
McGuiness. Later in the program, they had another scuffle where KENTA came out
to defend McGuiness. I’m not too familiar with most of these guys besides
Danielson, who I’ve only read about. Danielson is intense and seemed totally
in charge. I think it could hurt gaining new fans(if they even want to), by
having their champion be a guy that basically only looks at guys to intimidate
them. The biggest problem was that, being unfamiliar with the brand, it was
hard to see these guys as the “Main Event” guys. This is probably more of the
slow brainwashing that has occurred by watching WWE for so long. I do feel
that they should have someone with a little more charisma as their world
champion.Promo for Brent Albright
I like the gimmick of a mercenary and some of his suplexes looked pretty sick.Marifugi v. Rocky Romero
This match reminded me of 96-98 midcard/cruiserweight WCW, where they would
bring in a lot of foreign talent that would put on some great matches. After
watching this match, it made me appreciate Mike Tenay more than I had. The
match was good and well paced, but what was really missing was Tenay putting
over how awesome and badass these guys are in their home countries(although I
found out that Romero is part of a stable later on in the show). The
announcers did a moderate job of putting over Marifugi as a champion and
putting over why the match was taking place something to the effect of ‘ROH
lets two great athletes simply see who the better man is’. I feel that more of
a buildup of their reputations would have helped this match out. The other
problem I had, was that they were kicking out of EVERYTHING. Romero kicked out
of a coast-to-coast dropkick, and there were some other instances where they
probably should have sold more of the moves. It was, however, a good match,
with some decent spots.Larry Sweeney Promo
This guy looks like fucking money, and I want to see more of him. Awesome
dialogue between Toland and Sara Del Ray, and Larry Sweeney kind of looks like
Curt Hennig too.Briscoe Brothers v. Matt Sydal & Claudio Castagnoli
This match was really great. I don’t know how they kept the pace up for that
long as the action basically didn’t stop for the length of the match. Most of
the Briscoe’s moves were sloppy and didn’t connect fully, but they had an
awesome energy and tenacity. I’ve been a huge fan of Sydal’s since he was on
Wrestling Society X, and he did not disappoint. I really hope he is signed by
TNA and brings his girlfriend along. He is so crisp on his hurricanranas and
is kind of the opposite of the Briscoes. Claudio had some good spots that I
enjoyed too. He has an interesting look, but I could tell that he was more of
a singles competitor. Like I said, this was a great match. After the match,
there was a LARGE scuffle between the Briscoes and El Generico and another guy.
They beat up the staff, then the Briscoes. There wasn’t much of an explanation
as to why.Roderick Strong v. Delirious
I was looking forward to seeing Roderick Strong again, as I was a fan of his
from his brief stint in TNA with Aries. There was a small clip shown that
highlighted why the match was taking place. Not too complicated, Strong
knocked Delirious out and kind of fucked him up. This match was pretty good.
Strong, was the same as I had remembered and Delirious was good. After the
match there was a nice spot where Strong dropped Delirious on a metal
barricade.Adam Pearce promo
This promo was really well done and makes you so pissed about how WWE writes
their promos. When you compare how serious Whitmer and Pearce took the loss on
PPV, it made you see how stupid Santino Marella’s crying to Maria about losing
is.Danielson & Morishima v. McGuiness & KENTA
First off, let me say that Danielson wrestles and acts like he could legit fuck
somebody up bad. This match kept getting better the longer it went. Danielson
was awesome, and I’m glad I finally got to see him wrestle. The match built
very slowly and then DELIVERED in the end. McGuiness using his hurt arm to
throw those clotheslines was awesome. In the end, finally some selling of the
fatigue. Danielson is the man. Thanks to the awesome last few minutes this
became the match of the night.Overall Thoughts
Who wouldn’t like this PPV? People who like a high production quality level.
People who only like matches with a “big time feel”. People who don’t like or
are bored by submission moves, although all of them have some sort of twist or
innovation. There also, was a lot of no-selling it seemed.The matches were a good length, the entire event had the feel of a late 80s NWA
event. The production quality was a little low and could have been assisted by
some replays of some of the bigger moves(one neat move that could barely be seen
by Claudio comes to mind). The announcers/video clips did a decent job at
explaining the characters, history, and current events. One thing that kind of
struck me was the fact that they are known for wrestling and not talking, yet
their promos were better than WWE’s and almost all of TNA’s. In the end, was
it worth $15? Yes. Will I buy the next one? Probably. My only regret is
that it is somewhat difficult to keep up with the brand since I would have to
do so, only on the internet.
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