You’re An Idiot And Here’s Why 8.16.07: Kurt Angle & TNA

Let me lay it on the line for you readers…I’m not that angry this week. I know, I know, the deal is you turn up every week and I rant and rave like a Southern Preacher. Thing is, there’s not a whole lot to rant about this week. Well…there is, but there’s actually a ton of great stuff going on in the wrestling world. So before we get to the Hate…let’s share the love.

Rob Does Not Hate The Following:

General Manager William Regal – William Regal is simple an awesome talent, both in and out of the ring, and giving him another high-profile role that utilises his charisma microphone skills is great news for Monday nights.

General Manager Estrada: – Seems like ECW has been needing a GM almost as long as Raw has. Since he was rather strangely separated from Umaga, I’ve missed the shit out of Estrada. Any OVW fans will know just how funny and entertaining he can be. A great move.

Dating Game/Raw Idol: – Raw writers have put some serious time and effort into coming up with comedy gold the last two weeks on Raw, putting together such comedic greats as Maria, William Regal and Ron Simmons. And in case you’re wondering, not one ounce of that sentence was sarcastic.

Everybody Loves Umaga – His face turn has been handled well. Nothing spectacular, but thanks to Raw’s complete over-exposure of Umaga, his schtick got real stale, real quick (see also: Spirit Squad). Turning face make Umaga fresh again, and gives Raw some much needed good-guy blood. Also, he repeatedly kills the shit out of Jeff Hardy, so I’ll cheer him ‘till the day I die.

Hardy Vs Hollyfield – Matt Hardy’s fighting Evander Hollyfield? At Saturday Night’s Main Event? Matt Hardy? And Evander Hollyfield? Really? Fucking A! I’m genuinely excited about seeing that, it’s big news! And hey…well done Matt Hardy. He’s in a big, high-profile position now which could hopefully lead towards that big-time main event push he’s ready for. And with a mainstream sports star such as Evander Hollyfield involved with the WWE I’m sure they’ll pull out all the stops to promoted this thing…yeah…all the stops…any…any day now.

This Week’s Idiot: Kurt Angle & TNA

I warned you TNA! I fucking warned you! Not so long ago I put you on Idiot Watch TNA. On Idiot Watch for your World Heavyweight Champions, and on Idiot Watch for your treatment of ex-WWE stars over TNA stars. I gave you some breathing room. At the time you were building up to crowning the first ever TNA World Champion after all the belts had been re-named. The perfect opportunity to put over your home-grown talent and break-out star Samoa Joe…

[Dear Ring Of Honor Fans, I realise that right about now you’re about to bitch like crazy over that last comment, and how Samoa Joe is NOT a TNA home-grown talent but a ROH home-grown talent. But please, for my sake, fucking don’t. I like ROH as much of the next guy, but you’re just deluding yourselves. Hey, if you don’t believe me go ask Ari Berenstein. He agrees with me.]

…but did you take this wise and appropriate course of action? Did you use the grand scale and wider-audience-appeal of Kurt Angle to give Joe the rub and legitimise him in the eyes of non-TNA fans? No. You did what everyone knew you were going to do, what everyone expected you to do and you put over Kurt Angle. Scary, scary Kurt Angle. Hey kids, remember when Kurt Angle was fun? Yeah. Me to. Jesus Christ he scares the shit out of me now.

Now look TNA, I know you paid lot of money for Kurt Angle. And it was a wise investment. But Kurt Angle is already an established, top-level, main event, world champion kinda performer. Kurt Angle is at that level because WWE pushed him, put him over, and used other guys to help make him (those Olympic Medals didn’t hurt too much either). Now what you need to do TNA, is to do the same with one of your own guys. An AJ Styles or a Christopher Daniels…

[Dear Ring Of Honor Fans, see above and please continue to shut the fuck up.]

…someone we don’t already know is a great big star because the WWE told us so. Having Kurt Angle in TNA no doubt brought you a lot of WWE fans, or at least made them pay attention. You should have used that spotlight to highlight one of your own guys, so you don’t continue to look like the back-up-date compared to WWE’s prom-queen. Did you listen? No. No you didn’t. But that’s okay, that’s alright because I’m sure that another opportunity will come along which will allow you to give Samoa Joe the HUGE push that he deserves and that you need. An opportunity like…say…a Winner Takes All The Titles Match at Hard Justice? Something long the lines of a match in which the winner becomes the TNA World, X-Division, Tag Team and IWGP Champions all in one go? Surely now, after continuing to put Kurt Angle over, despite the fact we all know he’s awesome, surely now is the time to give Joe that rub? Right TNA? Hmmm? RIGHT?!

Not only did they balls that match up, but they did it in a spectacular way. First and foremost, Angle has been fucking weird as shit since he arrived in TNA. He’s been booked in the most random manner I ever seen, flipping between heel and face actions, screaming and shouting all the damn time and generally being the most inappropriately terrifying person since…well since the WWE ran that angle where he wanted to rape Booker T’s wife. Furthermore the Hard Justice match had the IWGP Championship on the line…a championship that has nothing to do with TNA whatsoever, further convincing everyone that there’s no way in hell the IWGP is going to let their champion lose their belt on someone else’s Pay Per View. And as if that isn’t enough, the winner of this match also becomes TNA Tag Team Champions. Let me say that again. One solitary person becomes the Tag Team Champions. On his own. Without a tag team partner, and in a match that does not involve any other tag teams of any nature. You might as well have a one-man Synchronised Swimming Team. Or a Single Person Relay Race. It’s not just stupid, it’s not just Idiot, it’s fucking Ass-Tarded.

And on top of all of this utter, utter bullshit what else do we have? Snffff. Snffffff. Why, that smells like the terrible late-90’s booking skills of Vince Godamn Russo. So despite the fact that this Hard Justice match between Angle and Joe was for quite literally every single championship in TNA and one more from Japan, someone thought that the match lacked gravitas. That it lacked dramatic interest. That really, what this match needed was some crappy side-story about Kurt Angle’s wife having an affair. And of course, the entire thing turns out to be a swerve! A cunning plan by Kurt Angle to fool us all into thinking his wife was having an affair so he could win all the championships. He should be a Bond villain, because that right there…that’s genius.

“How to take out my competition…hmmm? Well I could bribe the referee. Or I could attack Samoa Joe before the match and injure him. Wait a minute! I’ve got it! I’ll pretend my wife is having an affair! That’ll really distract him!”

Nice work Stephen Hawkings. Truly you astound us with your intellect.

Now I’ve read again and again only that Vince Russo is not the man responsible for all of this terrible, terrible booking that started when he became part of the company and resembles almost exactly the terrible, terrible booking he plagued WCW with, but y’know…they’re all fucking lying. Clearly they are lying. If not, then what’s the other explanation? I know, let’s ask Kurt Angle!

“Well, if it started when Vince Russo arrived at TNA…and if it resembles his booking from WCW almost exactly…then that must mean…of course! It’s been Verne Gagne all along!”

He’s a modern-day Batman.

You’re An Idiot Because – I Fucking Warned You!

Well look at that. Turns out I was quite angry after all.