wrestling / Columns

The Happy Go Sucky Wrestling Report 9.12.07: WWE Releases, TNA, Goldberg, & More

September 12, 2007 | Posted by Steve Sullivan

Hi, I’m Steve Sullivan, and I’m a wrestleholic.

You may or may not remember me from my 411 fame, but in case you’ve forgotten, I’m the old OVW guy. I did all the TV reports and wrote the not so popular but still important column The Crystal Ball. I left 411 last fall because of a hectic life that I could just no longer keep up with. Now, with my life straightened out, my job in full swing and secured, and my wife-to-be rolling her eyes behind my back, I’m ready to talk rasslin’ again. Welcome to the first ever, Happy-Go Sucky Wrestling Report!

There’s good and bad in everything in wrestling, (unless you’re The Gobbledy Gooker), and it’s time to look at both sides of it. So often do wrestling columnists find the negatives in professional wrestling. This report will be no different. But, we’ll find some positives too…maybe.

With that said, let’s take a look at some of the highlights of news bits from this past couple of days and find the Happy and Go Sucky of it.

News: Ken Kennedy was said to NOT be the illegitimate son of Vince McMahon on an episode of Monday Night Raw.

Happy: If it’s true that Kennedy is not going to be the ……Kennedy!…excuse me. If it’s true he’s not going to be McBastard, then that means someone who actually NEEDS the push may get it. C’mon, Kennedy really didn’t need the push. He’s already more over than Randy Orton ever was when he was given the gold belt. You want Kennedy to be way over, turn him face for a few months. The crowd will love it. Then turn him heel again and you have The Rock of old days. Besides, Kennedy doesn’t deserve the push he was about to be given now. He has embarrassed the WWE by being so vocal about not using steroids, then having his name right there on the list of doom.

Go Sucky: I have to admit, when I heard that things were “looking up”, I thought that maybe Vince was going with the “God” angle again like he did in Backlash 2006. God…the son of Vince. It would not have surprised me in the least. The worst part about Vince’s child not being Mr. Kennedy is that the fans will miss out on some great promos between Mr. Kennedy and Vince McMahon. Considering that Stone Cold endorses Mr. Kennedy and the classic bouts between Stone Cold and Vince McMahon, we could have potentially had the storyline to save wrestling. Instead, Kennedy screwed himself, the entire wrestling industry, and every fan involved by getting himself involved with the Signature Pharmacy.

News: Hornswaggle is revealed to be Vince’s illegitimate child.

Happy: I have to admit, I laughed my ass off. Vince did exactly what he wanted to do to us internet marks. He surprised us. He gave us something nobody saw coming. We laughed. We cried. We turned our TV’s off and said…wait….What?

Go Sucky: Where do I begin. This was supposed to be the best storyline the WWE has seen in quite sometime. I understand the rumors said it was supposed to be Mr. Kennedy, and with Mr. Kennedy being one of the many who were involved in the tremendous steroid scandal, I understand the need to push someone else. But Hornswaggle? Don’t get me wrong. I understand the humor and entertainment involved in all this and I also understand that Hornswaggle had a nice spot against Mr. Kennedy at Wrestlemania. Wait…did you just see that connection. There’s your future Survivor Series bout. Mr. Kennedy vs. Hornswaggle. Happy Happy. Joy Joy.

Back to it, what good does a push of Hornswaggle do for the WWE. True, many will tune into ECW and Smackdown this week and even more people will probably tune into Raw next Monday to see any aftermath of the discovery. But then what? Is Hornswaggle going to headline Wrestlemania? Where do you go now Vince?

News: The WWE issues a statement regarding Chris Benoit’s brain injury, stating they had no record of Chris Benoit having a concussion.

Happy: Wow. I’m not sure which Chris Benoit the WWE was talking about. Surely not the Chris Benoit who used to do the Top Rope Headbutt every single match. Surely not the sick bastard who abused his body every single match. Regardless of that, Chris Kanyon went on to say on his myspace blog that the WWE was trying to take away any peace of mind to the families of Chris and Nancy Benoit by making the statement, which I found a bit extreme. I don’t think that the WWE was trying to make things worse for Benoit’s father, but rather putting up their dukes. The WWE has come under TREMENDOUS criticism from the media lately. I’d know. I work for radio news and I get called on all the time for background information regarding Chris Benoit and all the wrestlers named on the now famous list of doom. The WWE took the findings and publicity about having one too many concussions as another shot at them. The media continues to blame Vince McMahon for the murders of the Benoit’s which I feel is totally bogus since it’s well known that Chris Benoit killed the Benoit’s. Just because the murderer is dead doesn’t mean we need to blame others just so we can have peace of mind. Chris Benoit, acted on his own. Chris Benoit chose to do flying headbutts. Chris Benoit chose to take steroids. Chris Benoit chose to kill his family and Chris Benoit chose to kill himself. It’s a beautiful gift from God called “Free Will” and unfortunately, Chris Benoit abused this gift. Why did he do it? We don’t know but he did it because Chris Benoit wanted to. Not Vince McMahon and certainly not the WWE.

Go Sucky: The WWE acted out of place by issuing a statement regarding the findings. The WWE should continue to distance itself from the Chris Benoit case and keep it’s mouth shut. I feel the WWE jumped the gun a bit by issuing a “It wasn’t our fault” statement because now, they just look defensive and edgy, rather than professional and firm. Oh, and Chris Kanyon sucks. Because he likes it.

News: Cryme Tyme and Eugene are released.

Happy: I’ve always been a fan of Nick Dinsmore and hated that they made him into a retard. So I’m happy that he’s gone. Jim Cornette is on the phone with him and Rob Conway right now so prepare to see The Lords Of The Ring Reunite and grab the TNA Tag Team Titles very soon.

Go Sucky: I really liked Cryme Tyme. They were entertaining. JTG was halfway good in the ring and on the mic, and they were just about to become World Tag Team Champions. But, it’s also good to see that the WWE isn’t taking any nonsense. It also means that two other young wrestlers will get the chance to debut soon, giving the division a fresh overhaul.

News: Ric Flair has quit the WWE.

Happy: Well, at least there won’t be anymore Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo signs in the crowd anymore. And we don’t have to see his bare ass at house shows anymore. And maybe Ric can finally relax at home after a long and very successful wrestling career.

Go Sucky: Actually it just really sucks. I was hoping he would have at least one more run as a WWE champion, especially after that ladder match with Edge on Raw. The Nature Boy deserves one last great match at Wrestlemania, since he was excluded from the WM 23 card. The WWE is desperately trying to get the Nature Boy to come back by offering him a major program, but unless there’s a guaranteed title run for Flair, I think he should have TNA in his sights. TNA…the home of World Champions over 40. Or 50.

News: King Booker has also quit the WWE.

Happy: Booker can concentrate fully on his wrestling school in Houston now. And I was pretty tired of the King Booker persona.

Go Sucky: I hate the way this is ending. Booker had a long future in the WWE, whether it was on the ring or behind the announce table. I also wanted to see Booker get another run as just plain ole, Can You Dig It Sucka Booker T. But again, this is what happens when you don’t play by the rules and Booker is apparently one of the victims of the long 60-day suspension. WWE has told Booker to think about things during the suspension, but, things aren’t really looking well for Booker T fans. Apparently he has spinaroonied himself right into retirement and he’s happy just like that. If that’s the case, then good for him and congrats on an awesome career, even if you did cheat.

News: TNA has announced it’s deal with Spike TV to go to a 2 hour format beginning in October:

Happy: This is great for TNA for many reasons. First, the roster is way too crowded anyway. I mean, you can only fit so much Kurt Angle in one hour. So now we can at least have a Kurt Angle hour and a Samoa Joe hour. And maybe just maybe some respect will be brought back to the Tag Team and X Divisions. TNA gained a lot of popularity due to it’s focus on the Tag Team and X Divisions, which has, for lack of a better term, has been shit on by Kurt Angle. TNA made a pretty WCW-ish mistake by putting all 3 titles on Angle. In fact, I’m surprised they are still getting ratings because I’ll be honest, I haven’t watched Impact since Angle won all the titles. I will watch again when TNA goes 2 hours though, because hopefully they will have no choice but to use some of its wasted talent on its massive roster.

Go Sucky: Basically, I’m worried that this is going to be similar to what TNA pay-per-views have offered recently. Short matches from talent they have no intention of ever pushing. What I’d like to see TNA do is revive their tag team division. When I first started watching TNA, they had a phenomenal tag team division that put the WWE to shame. Now they’ve been wasting title reigns. Team 3-D may be the only exception. TNA also plans on adding a women’s division soon. That means Gail Kim, “Snagletooth” Jackie Moore, Traci Brooks, and Christy Hemme. That’s about it. And Gail Kim is about the only one of the four can really wrestle. Just more pointless wrestling to take away from the talent that deserves the airtime.

News: The WWE releases The Sandman.

Happy: I’m not very surprised by this. The fact that Vince moved The Sandman over to Raw during the draft really surprised me because I thought maybe just maybe he had something special in store for an ECW original. Why didn’t he release him when he let the other ECW originals go? I suppose this is because of The Sandman’s lawsuit and the bad publicity it is bringing. Perhaps this is part of some plea bargain with the woman who was suing the WWE. Maybe he took his cane to Hornswaggle. Who knows. But at least The Sandman is free to be a part of the Indy scene again and be a part of hardcore reunion shows again. Woopty doo.

Go Sucky: It’s a shame because I was enjoying the feud between The Sandman and Santino Marella. And I actually partially got excited when I thought The Sandman won the Battle Royal to be the Commissioner of Raw. A Vince/Sandman feud might have been fun too. But alas, will anyone really actually miss the WWE version of The Sandman? Didn’t think so.

News: In an interview, Bill Goldberg said that “TNA blows” and that they don’t deserve to have him on their program.

Happy: Right now, Goldberg is right. TNA does blow. They haven’t always and won’t always but right now, they blow. But, TNA with Goldberg would not only blow, it would flat out suck. Sorry Goldberg, I was a big fan of yours back in the WCW days but TNA doesn’t need you. Goldberg would ruin TNA more than Kurt Angle already has. TNA needs to stop chasing old has been talent from the WCW/WWE days and push their young, talented roster that got them where they are today.

Go Sucky: Goldberg in TNA would have been good for the ratings, but not the product. Plus, we get the chance at some dream matches such as Goldberg vs. Kurt Angle or Goldberg vs. Samoa Joe. But who really wants to see that? Ok maybe I do. Just a little.

News: Kurt Angle was upset following the NO Surrender Pay-Per-View because of the treatment of Jay Lethal.

Happy: Wow. So Kurt Angle isn’t the big prick we all think he is when it comes to younger guys. Kurt insisted that he put Jay Lethal over cleanly despite TNA offering him an interference program. After Jay beat Kurt, Jay was in the tag team gauntlet match and was thrown out like a jobber. Kurt is completely in the right here because it just shows TNA’s inconsistency in their own storylines. Jay Lethal beating Kurt Angle cleanly is a huge upset in my book and this was the win that really could have catapulted Jay into X-Division superstardom. Instead, they made him, and Kurt Angle, look insignificant in favor of Tomko and AJ Styles winning a Tag Team gauntlet match.

Go Sucky: : Jay is still young and has a great future ahead of him. Kurt shouldn’t be whining too much given all the face time he receives on TNA programming. Let Jay be his own man and get his own push. Don’t act like you’re doing everyone a favor by losing. It’s part of the business.

There you have it, my triumphant return to the beautiful world of wrestling writing. No the term Go Sucky makes no sense at all. But neither does Funaki taking steroids. Until then, may your life be Happy-Go-Sucky.

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