The Thursday Small-For-All News Report: 09.13.07

Posted by Jeff Small on 09.13.2007

An Unforgiven Simulation and Not Much Else…

Welcome back to an underwhelming edition of the Small-For-All. At this moment, not only am I already pass the deadline for my report, I'm drunk and really not up to a news report. I want to apologize first to my millions of fans for this lackluster edition and promise that when I return in two weeks, I'll have a bitchin' news report. But for today, I have for you a little news and a lot of simulation.

Them's the breaks, I guess…

NEWS FROM TITAN TOWERS

The Biggest Hidden Highlight Ever

The big news of this week deals with the announcement that Hornswoggle has been revealed to be Mr. McMahon's son. Personally, as I will explain in my guest role on Hidden Highlights this coming Monday, it's truly astonishing to see the WWE actually solve a mystery that dates back to such a long time ago. Hornswoggle was always known as a Little Bastard so clearly he should have been seen as the frontrunner for Vince's son. However, the WWE did a pretty good job at throwing enough speculation with many other superstars so that the real son wasn't even thought of until it was announced. Kudos WWE for the makings of a humorous storyline.

Exit Light, End of Night

The Sandman was released today. No word on what caused his release but I bet it had to do with not putting over Santino Marella in their match on Raw. Santino rules kids and he should defeat whoever he wants in the ring. While it was pretty astonishing to see the Sandman last longer than the rest of the ECW Originals (minus WWE office boy Tommy Dreamer), we all knew that the Sandman wouldn't last forever in the WWE. I just wish he went out with a bang and not a whimper.

The King is Dead…

Don't be fooled by the headline, no one has actually died. According to the Wrestling Observer, "Robert Huffman (King Booker) quit WWE when he was told that he was to be suspended for 60 days, as a punishment to the Signature Pharmacy bust. He was believed to have failed a Wellness Program test before, hence the 60 days suspension instead of 30."

First off, this is a major loss for the WWE. Not only was Booker T a seasoned ring veteran but he was also a decent color commentator, a future road agent, and even had his own promotion that could have been used as a breeding ground for OVW superstars. Not only that but the King gimmick was quite successful and badass all at the same time. Booker will surely be missed.

WWE Unforgiven Simulation

Take it away lackey.

World Tag Team Championship Match: Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch vs. Paul
London and Brian Kendrick

This is the match Small dreams would take place on Heat. He also dreams that
his report is better than Slimmer's, but we all know it's not going to
happen. Anyway, Kendrick and Cade start the match for their respective
teams. Cade takes Kendrick over with a waistlock but then charges into a
drop toehold. Kendrick grabs a front facelock but it is reversed into a
hammerlock. Cade shoves Kendrick away and then buries a knee into the
challenger's mid-section. Elbow to the back of the head by Cade. Kendrick
attempts a comeback with right hands but gets cut off with another knee.
Cade blocks an attempted kick but gets nailed with an enziguri. Dropkick by
Kendrick. Side headlock takeover by Kendrick now followed up by a super
kick. He attempts a slam but can't get him up. This allows Cade to drill
Kendrick with a clothesline. Big knee drop now by Cade. He goes for a cover
and gets 2. London comes in to break it up and gets cut off by Murdoch from
the other side. The referee blocks off Murdoch so L&K try a double team but
get taken down with a double clothesline by Cade. The referee manages to
maintain control and Cade tags out. Murdoch in and slams Kendrick. Leg drop.
Out of nowhere Kendrick hits a hurricanrana! Murdoch gets whipped into the
corner and Kendrick charges in only to get caught with a big boot. Side
suplex by Murdoch buts Kendrick right on his head. Stomps by Murdoch now,
Kendrick avoids one, ducks a clothesline and connects with a swinging
neckbreaker! Tag to London! I think this qualifies for a hot tag. London
charges in but gets hip tossed by Murdoch. Apparently not then. Snapmare by
Murdoch. Tag to Cade. Cade gets tripped by London who hits a standing
moonsault. London stretches out the arm and goes to work, dropping knees on
the joint. London to the top… MISSILE DROPKICK! He hits perfectly and goes
for the cover. Murdoch in to break it up. Kendrick in now and knocks Cade
down with a flying forearm. Spinebuster by Murdoch on London. Enziguri to
Murdoch! Kendrick goes up top… SHOOTING STAR PRESS on Murdoch! The referee
gets Kendrick out of the ring. London rolls up Cade and gets 2. Low blow by
Cade, he nails a scoop driver. He tags in Murdoch now. London comes back
with rights hands, ducks a clothesline, off the ropes and connects with a
spinning heel kick. Cade comes in now and boots London in the face. Serves
him right. Kendrick up top… CROSSBODY TAKES OUT HIS OWN PARTNER! Nice move.
Murdoch tosses him under the bottom rope and to the floor. Cade gets
metaphorically tossed out of the ring by the ref. London gets a small
package on Murdoch and it gets 3 @ 12:33!

Winner: And NEW Tag Team Champions, London and Kendrick!

Match Analysis: I liked it. It was just a lot of fast-paced stuff and good
moves. Both teams got good offence and the styles blended nicely. There were
a few slow bits filled with stalling at the beginning but the last 5 minutes
or so more than make up for it. For the time, it was actually a great match.
***½

SvR Prediction: London and Kendrick
My Prediction Champs retain

Women's Championship: Candice Michelle vs. Beth "The Glamazon"
Phoenix

They lock-up and Candice gets an arm drag. Clothesline by Michelle, and
another. Phoenix with a kick to the gut takes control with a scoop slam.
Phoenix picks Michelle up and delivers a powerful backbreaker. Candice trips
Phoenix and fires off with a bunch of bitch slaps stiff shots.
Michelle hits a nice swinging neckbreaker. She goes for the leg but gets
kicked off. Phoenix misses a clothesline but connects with a back elbow.
German suplex by Phoenix into a cover for 2. Inverted DDT now by Phoenix.
She covers and gets two. Irish whip into the corner followed up by a
clothesline by Phoenix. Kick to the gut, fisherman's suplex with bridging
cover gets the 3 count @ 4:01!

Winner: And NEW Women's Champion, Beth Phoenix

Match Analysis: Too short to devlop anything even resembling psychology or
drama, too long for me not to hate those 4 minutes. ¼*

SvR Prediction: Beth Phoenix
My Prediction: Beth Phoenix

ECW Championship: CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke

Elijah spears Punk down and is all over him with right hands in a ferocious
start to the match. Burke does not allow Punk to recover as he puts the
boots to him. Burke grabs the leg and delivers a pair of knee drops to
Punk's leg. He goes back to the leg but gets kicked away. Punk goes for a
right but it's blocked and Burke hits one of his own. Delayed vertical
suplex now by Elijah. Burke drops an elbow, goes for another one but Punk
rolls out of the way. Clothesline by Punk, scoop slam. Punk drags Elijah up
and tosses him shoulder-first into the steel ring post. Burke whipped into
the opposite side and Punk charges into a back elbow. Burke goes to the top
rope but thinks better of it and hops off. This allows Punk to recover and
hit a step-up enziguri. Punk covers and gets a near fall. Punk whips Elijah
hard over the top rope. CM to the top rope, CROSSBODY TO THE FLOOR
COMPLETELY MISSES. Elijah rolled back in the ring. Burke goes back out now
and drags Punk over to the announce table. He pounces his head off of it a
few times. Burke rolls Punk back in and climbs to the top turnbuckle. He
waits until Punk gets to his feet and drops a double-axe handle. Burke goes
back to the leg, dropping an elbow across the knee joint of Punk. Punk
surprises Burke with a small package that gets a long 2 count. Both men up,
kick to the gut by Punk, PILEDRIVER KILLS BURKE! One…two…three! Punk gets
the win @ 7:21!

Winner: CM Punk

Match Analysis: For 7 minutes it was good stuff but it felt like it was only
beginning when it ended which obviously hurts the overall rating. **¼

SvR Prediction: Punk
My Prediction: Punk

No Disqualification: Triple H vs. Carlito

Right hand by Triple H, and another, and another knocks Carlito down.
Another knock down. Kick to the gut by Triple H, face buster! Spinebuster!
Carlito can't get any momentum here. Triple H tosses Carlito into the corner
and charges into a back elbow. Kick to the gut by Carlito followed up with a
knee to the face and a clothesline. Carlito gets on top of the Game and
delivers some stiff mounted punches. Triple H fights back and back drops
Carlito to the floor. Triple H goes out and whips Carlito hard into the ring
steps. Carlito comes back with a low blow and tosses the Game into the ring
post, and then bounces his head off of it. Carlito clears the announce table
now and climbs on top. Triple H is up on the table now and delivers a right
hand knocking Carlito down and off the table. Elbow drop from the table by
Triple H misses! Carlito up on the ring apron, comes off with a double-axe
handle. He goes underneath the ring and pulls out a chair which he then
slides into the ring. PLANCHA OVER THE TOP TAKES OUT TRIPLE H! Both men up
and they slide back in. Carlito grabs the chair but Triple H wrestles it out
of his grasp. CHAIR TO THE GUT! DDT ON THE CHAIR! Carlito is nearly dead.
The Game picks him up, kick, double-underhook – Carlito backdrops out of it!
Carlito has the chair, DRILLS Triple H with it. Springboard moonsault by
Carlito, one…two…thr-NO! Carlito whips The Game into the corner and follows
up with a clothesine in the corner. Carlito tosses Triple H to the floor and
follows. He goes back under the ring and pulls out… the sledgehammer! Triple
H comes back with a clothesline and whips Carlito onto the announce table.
The Game goes up there but Carlito low blows him! DDT THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE
TABLE! Triple H is busted open! Carlito picks up the hammer and goes into
the ring. Triple H recovers and slides back in. Carlito nails him in the
back of the head with the hammer and Triple H goes down! Carlito covers and
gets the pin @ 9:12!

Winner: Carlito

Match Analysis: Really fun hardcore-style match made better by a surprise
victor. ***

SvR Prediction: Carlito
My Prediction: Triple H

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Great Khali vs. Batista vs. Rey
Mysterio

Rey charges at Batista to start. Batista sends him into the air but Rey
counters with a dropkick. Rey goes at Khali but the giant blocks the attack
with a knee to the gut and delivers a scoop slam. Khali drops an elbow on
Batista. He puts his foot on his gut and walks over him. Rey ducks a
clothesline and comes back with a springboard crossbody taking down Khali!
Batista grabs Rey and whips him into the corner before following up with
shoulders to the abdomen. Batista scoops Rey onto his shoulder and plants
him with a powerslam. Khali goes for a right but it's blocked. Batista comes
back with right hands of his own. Ducks a clothesline and The Animal comes
back with shoulder knock down. Mysterio ctaches Batista with a
wheelbarrow-into-a-DDT! Khali is up though and whips Rey hard into the
corner. Khali picks up Mysterio and press slams him to the floor! SPEAR ON
KHALI by Batista! One…two…thr-NO! Batista gets low-blowed by Khali. CHOP BY
KHALI! He covers Batista but Rey breaks it up! Tornado DDT on Khali! Rey up
top, FROG SPLASH! One…two…thr-NO! Khali kicked out. Batista has Rey, goes
for the Batista Bomb, he has him up, but Rey punches out of it! Kick to the
gut by Rey… drop toehold, 619! WEST COAST POP! Rey gets the cover but Khali
boots him in the head. Khali tosses Rey under the bottom rope. Batista's up,
BATISTA BOMB ON KHALI! He covers and gets the pin and the title @ 6:51!

Winner, and NEW World Champion, Batista

Match Analysis: It was decent stuff for the time but never got long enough
to be really good. **

SvR Prediction: Batista
My Prediction: Rey Mysterio

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

Elbow tie-up, but Henry shoves Taker off. They lock-up again and Taker grabs
a wrist an holds it behinds Henry's back, cranking it. Taker shoves Henry
off. Big uppercut by Taker and a back elbow. Big right hand after big right
hand by Taker but Henry fights back with a knee to the gut. Clubbing blows
to the back now by Henry send Taker to his knees. Henry scoops Taker up and
powerslams him. Now the Silverback takes Taker over to the ropes and
straddles him over the top rope. Henry tires himself out though allowing
Taker to come back with a big boot. Arm wringer, OLD SCHOOL! Nails it. Leg
drop by the Undertaker gets 2. Taker grabs Henry by the head but Henry comes
back with a low blow. He whips Taker into the corner and follows up with a
splash. Henry chokes Taker out in the corner now. Henry slams Taker in the
middle of the ring. Big splash by Henry! He covers and gets two! Henry
tosses Taker around the ring with a big beale. Taker fights back with a big
right hand and floors Henry with a big boot. CHOKESLAM! One…two…thr-NO!
Henry fights back and rakes the eyes of Taker. He scoops him up but Taker
slides out the back door. Taker scoops Henry up – TOMBSTONE! One…two…three!
Taker wins it @ 5:42!

Winner: Undertaker

Match Analysis: T'riffic. *

SvR Prediction: Undertaker
My Prediction: Taker

WWE Championship Match: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Orton and Cena face off. They circle and finally lock up. Orton goes behind
with a waistlock but Cena counters into a side headlock and gets a takeover.
Orton forces his way out of it and knocks Cena down with a shoulder block.
Cena up but charges overzealously and gets hip tossed. Stomps by Orton, Cena
moves and grabs the leg, spins Orton around and takes him down with a
clothesline. Kick to the gut by Cena, fisherman's suplex gets a 1 count.
Cena whips Orton into the corner, follows up with a shoulder thrust to the
gut. Cena plants Orton with a bulldog. Orton sweeps the legs of Cena and
follows up with a vicious knee to the head of the champ. Orton now posts the
back and applies a bow and arrow to Cena. He relinquishes it and now grabs a
neck vice. Cena fights back, Orton releases, misses a right and Cena nails a
shoulder tackle. Cena ducks a clothesline, spin-out powerbomb! YOU CAN'T SEE
ME! 5 KNUCKLE SHUFFLE CONNECTS! Cena wants the FU early, gets Orton up but
the Legend Killer slips out of it. Orton nail Cena with an uppercut, then
creams him with a dropkick. Orton goes for a cover and gets a near fall.
Orton climbs to the top rope, but Cena charges him and knocks him off the
top and to the floor. Cena goes outside and tosses Orton into the ringpost.
He smashes Orton's face off the steel and rolls him in. Cena up top… LEG
DROP MISSES! Orton with boots to Cena now and drops an elbow. Orton applies
the chinklock of doom~! Cena's too near to the ropes though and the hold has
to be broken. Orton pulls Cena up and nails the inverted backbreaker! Orton
goes for the cover but Cena is playing possum and rolls Orton up for 2. Both
men up, Cena blocks a right, Orton blocks the counter, RKO-no! Cena shoved
him off. Orton charges but gets taken down with a drop toehold. Cena stomps
Orton now. Orton up, kick to Cena, DDT! Orton covers and gets 2! Orton is
stalking Cena now… he waits for him to get up… RKO! He nailed it! Orton
covers and gets the 3 @ 9:37!

Winner, And NEW WWE Champion, Randy Orton!

Match Analysis: Good stuff here. Fast paced, non-stop action here. I'd have
liked the finishing sequence to go longer but it was fun to watch.
**½

SvR Prediction: Orton
My Prediction: Cena retains

Overall PPV Analysis: There were 2 bad matches, and the rest ranged from
good to great, although it's a shame that the best of the show came first.

Remember that 411 will have LIVE COVERAGE of Unforgiven this Sunday!

COMING ATTRACTIONS

Yes, I'm off next week as I have a work assignment in a foreign land (Minneapolis). I'll be back in two weeks with a much better Small-For-All. Don't worry…

For the Thursday Small-For-All News Report, I'm Jeff Small… and you're not!!!!!