Hidden Highlights 09.17.07: Issue #107 (Part 1 of 2)
Posted by JP Prag on 09.17.2007
The Hidden Highlights Reader Contest begins. First, though, readers don’t surrender to TNA, Shelton Benjamin tries to go for a repeat finish, ECW becomes the fashion capital of the WWE, the spotlight can’t find Jim Cornette, Matt Hardy tries to cheat MVP at chess, and more! All with guest co-host Jeff Small!
Hidden Highlights
By JP Prag
Issue #107 (Part 1 of 2)
Hello everyone who cannot believe your vacation is over already and could probably use another week (although was amazed that you could sleep that late one day), and welcome back to Hidden Highlights!!
Hidden Highlights, they are about the little things that make the product great. They are about showing the positive motions all those involved in wrestling do to make a better show. William Regal may bend his opponent's hand backwards just a little bit harder to dish out the pain. Christian Cage may reference a piece of obscure history. Tazz may bring realism to the product by describing an abdominal stretch in detail. The camera operator may take a low shot looking up at the Great Khali to make him look like a true monster. These are all examples of what Hidden Highlights is about.
Every week this article spotlights Hidden Highlights from the biggest shows on television (RAW, ECW of SciFi, iMPACT, SmackDown!, and a PPV or television special if there is one), delves into the past to find the ones never recorded before, and goes beyond to small shows, live events, tapes, and the indy scene to see what no one else sees. This article may have an author, but it is just as much written by the readers and true fans of professional wrestling—those who love what they watch and want to tell the world what they have found.
I am JP Prag, and I bring you Hidden Highlights with one goal in mind: to appreciate all those little things that make a huge difference.
JP: My goodness, did I enjoy that time off. While most people look to vacations as a chance to go someplace new and exciting, find lots of adventures, and be tourists, I go the complete opposite direction. Since I'm always on the road and have been told I already go on lots of sketchy adventures, I like to take the time to just unwind. I went out to Arizona to visit my brother, went offroading in Sedona, took a red eye home, visited the rest of my family for the holidays, and then basically just hung out at my place, watched TV, and slept. I know, these sounds pretty uninteresting to you. You're like, "Oh, I can watch TV any day of the week, big whoop!" But it is a big deal to me, because I rarely ever get to just sit down and veg out. That's what I like to do with my vacations: absolutely nothing.
One man I didn't get a chance to visit even though he is a neighbor of mine is this week's guest co-host. You've most likely never read his Heat Reports and could care less about his feud with Slimmer. You may have cared slightly about him when he made it to the semi-finals of the Great Positivity Debate, at least more than Ogre and less than Cook. Still, he has been bringing you the Thursday Small-for-All News Report ever since he ran away from Sundays because Hidden Highlights dominated that day too much (like we do on Mondays now). He is the biggest little man you'll ever know: Jeff Small. Jeff?
Small: Must you be so condescending with my intro? Of course, people read my Heat report. I even have the emails to prove it!!!
JP: Emails?
Small: Yeah, I think I've gotten like two of them. Definitely more than one! And many more than that assclown Slimmer.
JP: Must this feud cross over into every column? I'm glad JT and I didn't book you for the Great Positivity Debate 3 like what was originally planned.
Small: You can blame CSONKA for that one. But Slimmer and I woulda so kicked you and JT's asses in a mixed tag team match.
JP: Mixed? Anyways, as you know, this week kicks off the contest to see which reader will get a chance to be guest co-host for a month. So Jeff, I need to get your thoughts on this… are you still afraid of Doink the Clown?
Small: JP, I'm afraid of many things in life. Commitment is one of them. Doink the Clown is another. Chucky's a third.
JP: Umm…
Small: As a kid, Edward Scissorhands creeped me out a bit. I wouldn't say I was afraid of him; rather, I would run in fear every time he would be on the television screen. Thank God, there's no scissor play in wrestling. Well, there was Brutus "the Barber" Beefcake, but he always looked like a pansy to me.
JP: I see, I see. Of course, there is also the Sid Vicious / Arn Anderson incident.
Small: I forgot about that one! Now I have lots more things to fear!
JP: Well then, we have a lot to get to this week (at least in writing), so let's get on with the Hidden Highlights!
Sunday, September 9, 2007 by the Readers via JP
JP: And the readers sent in NOTHING for this show. Usually it at least comes up in passing, but nothing? It sounded like a fairly decent wrestling show to me, but TNA has to continue to work hard to rebuild their PPV buying fan base. They turned a lot of people off by having eight months of so-so to worse PPV encounters and over-crammed television. Will the two hours help? It should, but only if they utilize the time correctly and execute their strategy effectively. I'm going to take paraphrase a little something from work here:
A decent strategy executed effectively will give you a much better return than the perfect strategy executed poorly.
TNA, the overall plan is less important than how you are going to get there. Or in the words of Hidden Highlights: the little details matter.
Small: What about the Small details?
JP: I've been waiting for you to throw your name in somewhere.
Small: Did you know JP, I used to do a Find in your column just to see how many times my name was mentioned? Only second to the Small-For-All, Hidden Highlights is definitely a Small favorite.
JP: So do you have anything to say about the TNA PPV?
Small: Nope, didn't watch it. You're lucky I watched WWE programming this week.
JP: Lucky? Anyway, onto Raw.
Monday, September 10, 2007 by Small
Small: Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
JP: Stop! Stop! Stop! No guest banners.
Small: Ok. *sniff sniff* Anyway, before I get to the third Hidden Highlight, I do have an Honorable Mention Hidden Highlight for this week.
Small's HONORABLE MENTION HIDDEN HIGHLIGHT OF THE WEEK
Lillian announcing the Mickie James vs. Jillian Hall match as a tag team contest
Triple H hailing from New Hampshire (Greenwich is in CT, JR!)
My personal favorite: JR hyping the Carlito/Triple H feud as "emotional" when he was supposed to be talking about the Cena/Orton feud
Lastly: whoever let Jeff Hardy speak in the opening segment
JP: That's just cruel, Small. Also, JR said that Triple H was originally from NH, which is true. You're not sounding positive to me.
Small: Well maybe this one will change your tune.
(3) Hola Santino:
Has there been a better heel this year (except for maybe MVP) than Santino Marella, everyone's favorite Italian? I know recently he's been all over the Hidden Highlights and it's my honor to continue that streak. This past week, Santino had a couple of juicy Not-So-Hidden Highlights including mocking the Condemned on DVD and doing his best Ron Simmons impersonation (so good that Slimmer has probably voted for Santino as Wrestler of the Week).
As for his Hidden Highlights, there were a-plenty. My favorite had to be this: after he entered the ring, Santino was about to raise his arm to the crowd before remembering how awful the crowd was. Not only was the mock taunt funny, he grabbed his arm afterwards selling his existing arm injury!
Speaking of selling moves, I cannot be the only one who saw him sell the knee after breaking Sandman's kendo stick over his leg. Now if only Santino could steal away Maria in real life…
JP: I'm afraid to ask, but why?
Small: C'mon man, Santino Marella for ECW Champion! Onto #2!
(2) History Surely Does Not Repeat Itself:
Ok, I can admit that I had no idea that Shelton Benjamin was going to be Carlito's Hand Picked Opponent for Triple H. I was even more shocked when JR and the King brought up Benjamin's two wins over Trips. But nothing prepared me for the finishing sequence. In a nod to their original match, Benjamin tried winning once again with a Stinger Splash while Triple H was distracted (this time by Carlito and not Chris Benoit) only this time Triple H was ready for it. Kudos to the road agents for booking a finish that rewarded long-time watchers (call it the Arrested Development finish if you will)!
JP?
JP: Yes.
Small: Does Meehan still have his "wrestling dictionary" that he used to use?
JP: Remember Small this is your segment. If you want to know all you need to do is just ask him.
Small: Oh yeah. Meehan?
Meehan: Yes.
Small: Do you still have your "wrestling dictionary?"
Meehan: I don't know. *Meehan is slimed*
(1) Who's Your Daddy?:
How lucky was I to witness the end of the "Mr. McMahon's illegitimate child" storyline. All of the segments were so chock full o' Hidden Highlights that it was impossible not to make this my #1 of the week. Let's see my favorite highlights of these segments include:
the King's classic line about WWE Magazines being much tougher than they look (when the Coach had difficulty ripping up a WWE Magazine featuring Mr. Kennedy)
Mr. McMahon comically overselling the Great Khali's massive handshake
Matt Hardy talking shit to MVP during the final segment
Balls telling CM Punk that he's McMahon's son
A Val Venis sighting!
Most importantly: Hornswoggle humping McMahon's leg!
Speaking of which, kudos to the WWE for closing out the "illegitimate child" storyline so effectively. For the longest time, Hornswoggle was known as a Little Bastard so to see its payoff happen over a year later was quite satisfying. Yes this was the Ultimate Not-So Hidden Highlight but it worked perfectly in the grand scheme of things.
JP: We'll hear a lot more on Hornswoggle later, but let me just say that watching MVP giving advice to Matt Hardy as they were walking down to the ring was classic. Matt Hardy has a love/hate relationship with Hidden Highlights (sometimes he gets it, sometimes he really doesn't), but MVP is completely on fire here.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007 by Small
Small: Wait for it…
Wait for it…
JP: I told you already: NO guest banners!
Small: C'mon JP, I'm like a brother to you.
Wait for it…
JP: Enough is enough. I have had it with these guests banners in this column! I didn't see any of you people offer to make me banners before, except Meehan. And who the heck would want one of his?
Small: Sheesh!
(3) How's Your Head?:
Kudos to the WWE for allowing CM Punk to maintain a large portion of his old persona. One of my favorite CM Punk moments was when he used to "Punk" his opponents in OVW. While he has not done this just yet in ECW, there was a close moment to it.
Right before the main event started, Punk asked Elijah Burke "How's your head?" in reference to him enziguring Burke in the opening segment. Even better was the fact that he was holding his own head to add further insult. Even as a face, it's nice to see him be a dickhead every now and then.
(2) ECW Originals vs. the New Breed:
Yes yes I know it's not the same as in March, but it was quite cool to see an ECW Originals vs. New Breed tag team main event. Burke and Kevin Thorn tagged up again (which hasn't happened since the New Breed stupidly dissolved) while the Originals were represented by CM Punk (hey, he joined the Originals after turning on the New Breed) and Stevie Richards. While Richards was conspicuously absent in the Originals/New Breed feud, he has outlasted all of the rest of the originals and has been on the roster longer than WWE-4-Life Tommy Dreamer. Pretty good for a guy nothing more than a JTTS in the original ECW.
(1) ECW is XTYLISH:
I must give props to Sforcina for pointing out Burke's color coordinated "4 Up" last week. Still, I had no idea how much that was going to inspire me. You see, there was one thing I could help not stop noticing during ECW this past week. Every superstar wore color coordinated outfits. Here's my list:
Elijah Burke – Red and white jacket matched his red, white, and black "4 Up" tape which of course matched his three colored tights. This also matched his tag team partner's attire (Kevin Thorn).
The Miz – also wore a red, white, and black jacket which matched his red, white, and black jean shorts
Matt Striker – all white (knee pads, trunks, wrist pads)
Nunzio – all red
Big Daddy V – all black
CM Punk & Stevie Richards – both blue trunks. Yes, both main event tag teams wore matching outfits!
While the writing may be inconsistent on ECW, at least the show never suffers from a styles clash!
JP: Wow, that is so classic Hidden Highlights that I'm proud! Sure, we can talk about wrestling moves and devastating holds; but when it comes right down to it the best Hidden Highlights are about fashion coordination!
Thursday, September 13, 2007 by JP
JP: TNA was riding high off of the results of No Surrender and the upcoming two hour iMPACT. Per usual, there was a lot of that two step forward, two steps back stuff. Me? I'll stick to the baby steps.
(3) No give at all:
We've covered a similar one like this before, but I happen to like it so much I'll do it again. This week, the main event saw Kurt Angle and Abyss in a submission match inside the six sides of steel. After Angle took a headshot into the side of the cage, Don West mentioned that the six sides of steel has no give… "unlike a regular cage". We've talked a lot about the physics of why the six sides of steel moves less, but I really liked the extra dig at those bouncy four sided cages that they always say have no give. I think this gives extra mystic and danger to the TNA cage, and another element that they should highlight that makes the product "unique".
(2) Wait, where is that guy?:
After the Christian Coalition / Matt Morgan and Samoa Joe confrontation, Jim Cornette came out to make the decision that Matt Morgan would be the special enforcer for the Cage/Joe rematch and that Cage would be facing "Junior Fatu" next week. But did not notice something interesting when Cornette came out? No one could find him! West and Tenay were asking where he was (because they watch monitors, not the arena… see the reader section below). Then, when a camera did find him, there was no spotlight on him. The camera moves away, then a spotlight came on, and then they had a clear shot. Some may call this a production snafu, but I preferred it. In a show where you are not supposed to know what's going to happen, you would not have cameras and spotlights ready for someone. Since production would not know that Cornette was coming out, than it makes sense for them not to be prepared. That's the way I like it: keep it real.
(1) Tiny bubbles:
When the Coalition made their way to the iMPACT Zone earlier in the evening, Jeremy Borash asked Christian who he thought his Samoan challenger would be. Christian said that it would not matter, and that it could even be Don Ho. To this, AJ Styles responded, "Don Ho. Tiny Bubbles, I love that song!" To which he stated to sing:
Tiny bubbles (tiny bubbles)
In the wine (in the wine)
Make me happy (make me happy)
Make me feel fine (make me feel fine)
Tiny bubbles (tiny bubbles)
Make me warm all over
With a feeling that I'm gonna
Love you till the end of time
So here's to the golden moon
And here's to the silver sea
And mostly here's a toast
To you and me
So here's to the ginger lei
I give to you today
And here's a kiss
That will not fade away
The Hidden Highlight? Even when AJ left the camera area, and JB was hyping up something else, you could still hear AJ singing the song! See, that's what I'm always talking about when I mean commitment to character. Just because he was not in range, it did not stop AJ from continuing the character moment. Super kudos to AJ Styles for that one!
Small: You're so gay, JP.
JP: You didn't even watch iMPACT, did you?
Small: Why don't you move on to SmackDown! and I'll tell you!
Friday, September 14, 2007 by JP
JP: What a crazy world we live in where Chuck Palumbo gets a twelve minute match with a break to keep the fans hooked! Remember when Michelle McCool used to wear baggy army pants and didn't dress like a stripper? Yeah, she was a lot hotter than. She also had a much more pronounced accent. I never quite understood how going to DSW was going to help her get rid of the accent, but whatever. Either way, I really would prefer less gentrifying of the wrestlers and divas and just let them be their own characters. That's why I'm amazed that CM Punk has basically stayed himself (although toned down). I wonder if the WWE noticed that Lita got over because she was different, and the last three winners of the Diva search won when they were least like the others. Yet, once in the E they kept trying to turn them into all the same girl. A little variety is the spice of like. And with two Asian girls in the contest, Bayani and I stand a chance of seeing a winner!
(3) Hair today, gone tomorrow:
That title is not because I'm feeling a little self conscious right now. No, it's about Shannon Moore and his match with Jamie Noble. During the match, JBL and Cole got sidetracked talking about how Shannon must hate his parents for what he did to his hair, to which they got into this discussion about how Shannon used to wear it punked up, so now they don't know if he actually cut it or just let it down. I was most amused by this entire conversation because it showed that (1) they were paying attention to Shannon Moore when nobody was and (2) there is a continuity to Shannon Moore's hair! It was just so completely random that it deserves to be noted.
(2) MVP is better than you… CHEATER:
Earlier in the evening, MVP and Matt Hardy were playing chess in the back (right by a loading dock door). This one took a long time, so bear with me. I was looking over the chess pieces, and MVP was definitely winning. He had depleted Matt Hardy's resources because Matt Hardy is always willing to sacrifice in order to win (a la diving off a ladder to win a match). MVP's pieces were much more conservative. He had more on the board and a strong line of pawns lined up (MVP doesn't have to get his hands dirty, he's a thinking wrestler). Then, when Matt Hardy declared "check", he had actually cheated! He took what I will have to assume is a Bishop and moved him like a Knight with an extra step (three up, three left) and declared the check on a straight pass through a couple of pawns. My friends, Matt Hardy is a cheater and he can't beat MVP, because MVP is better than him. MVP was rightly confused, and had no choice but to end the game because Hardy was trying to pull a fast one on him. I support MVP!
On a side note, MVP's tattoos were not nearly as huge or inflammatory as advertised. I'm disappointed in the overhype of that.
(1) He's the man:
After the bachelor and bachelorette parties merged in the hallway, everyone started to dance again and was chanting. I'd say about 99% of the crowd was chanting "Go Teddy" for Theodore *****Rufus***** Long (seriously?). But there was one lone voice that I kept on picking up: it was naked dancing guy chanting, "Go Krystal! Go Krystal!" See, he was still Krystal's entertainment and wanted to chant for her, not for Teddy! A nice little move there. By the way, I think he lost some weight, he was not nearly as jiggly.
Small: JP, Rufus is a great name for Teddy Long. I bet it's a nod to the man-loving pastor from R. Kelly's hit opera "Trapped in the Closet." You see, Pastor Rufus caught Cathy cheating with Slyvester (played by Kells) before letting her know that he's cheating on her with a man named Chuck! And that's only covers Chapters 1-2!!! Readers, do yourselves a favor and pick up "Trapped in the Closet" at your local retailer!
JP: What does that have to do with wrestling?
Small: Well, we all know that a WWE wedding never goes off as planned. So clearly be giving Teddy Long the middle name of "Rufus", the viewer should be aware that either Krystal or Teddy (or both) are cheating on each other (perhaps with Chuck Palumbo)!
JP: I don't think that makes much sense.
Small: It really doesn't have to. It's wrestling ya know.
Sunday, September 9, 2007 by JP
JP: The Hogans took the week off, but next week looks HILARIOUS! It's the scripted comedy cliché of having to take care of a doll/sack of flower to show how touch child bearing is. Oh man, will Nick learn a lesson? Or will he forget to buckle the doll in when he speeds down a main road at 100 mph? I can't wait to find out!
Small: You know when I was in High School, I carried two sacks around for class.
JP: Uh…
Small: Yeah, I named them Mary Kate and Ashley.
JP: I SO need a new co-host.
Hidden Highlights are not just about what was written above, but about what you have seen as well. This article strives to not only spotlight the best Hidden Highlights, but to engage you, the viewers, and make you the best audience in the world.
JP: Ok kids, this is how it is going to work. This week, we'll start off with the contestants. After each one is a little voting box so you can make your selection on a five point scale (five being the highest) of the quality of each Hidden Highlight. The weighted average results four highest will be back in two weeks to try a whole show for themselves! So, *GENERAL WARNING*:: some parts of the following Reader Write-in Hidden Highlights may be edited for grammar, spelling, and English translation…
All of these are in no particular order. We'll kick it off with Hidden Highlights regular and the man who made my banners Dan Hamilton:
On RAW this week I noticed a couple Hidden Highlights. After I got home a watched it, since I was there holding up a "My sign is a Hidden Highlight" sign, too bad I wasn't on the camera at all.
JP: No kidding too bad! That would have immediately jumped you over the competition!
The first being that the silhouette of the "Bastard Child" was none other than Kane's, which in itself is somewhat funny considering who the child was. Completely on the opposite ends of the spectrum.
JP: We've talked about the silhouette before. I like that they keep using not the right person; it helps with surprises.
Second was when they where on a close up of a fan, the fan was wearing a Christian Cage T-Shirt, and what surprised me is that the camera stayed on him for a long as it did.
JP: Now the question is: is the cameraman/director a Christian Cage fan, or did nobody notice?
Third, is it just me or did the Cruiserweight belt look smaller? Because it didn't look like the original, but maybe it's just me, and I'm just jaded to the appearance of larger belts, like I am with internet porn......
JP: Are you talking about the up shot where they make a guy look bigger by taking the shot from below?
Small: How do you know that?
JP: Err… uh… how do you not know that?
Small: Because I don't watch gay porn.
JP: Not even of the female variety?
Small: Is my mother reading this article?
JP: Does your mother like gay porn?
Small: How did you do that?
JP: It's a gift. I mean, all that time with JT and his lack of knowing the definition of irony gave me a lot of practice.
Ghost of JT: Aren't you in the middle of a contestant? Shouldn't you get back to that?
JP: I suppose you are right, ghost.
Stenographer: Of course he is!
JP: Sforcina, you're week was last week! Stop writing stenographer jokes!
Sforcina: I really didn't have enough space to get them in last week.
JP: Yeah yeah. Dan, please continue.
Lastly... Is that even a word, just sounds strange. Anyways, When the fans *Microphone lowers down from ceiling* FROM GREEN BAY WIS-CON-SIN! (sorry couldn't resist) where chanting for Kennedy, and Vince said that he wouldn't be there because, "He is suspended for impersonating a McMahon" I thought that was great because it doesn't bring up what he was actually suspended for and sticks with the story-line.
JP: No, I was glad that they used that in the storyline to explain Kennedy's absence. I hope after the next round of suspensions they no longer use excuses and just say, "He's suspended for a wellness violation." Heck, I have to deal with everyone calling the Patriots cheaters right now. Well, they did break the rules, and were caught, and have to pay. Yet, I still will be a fan and route for them to kill the Colts in the AFC Championship game before moving on to defeat whatever crackpots come out of the NFC.
OK now I swear this is the last one.....at least for RAW.
JP: I was about to say, I have whole other e-mail from you!
I loved the fact that Hornswoggle was the bastard child for a few reasons. First, although it was already pointed out in the Raw Report, he was once known as "Little Bastard". Second, after Cole had made the comment about him being a "Little Bastard", JBL remarked that he does have parents. And, although highly unintentional, foreshadowing that cannot be beat. Third, Hornswoggle is from none other than.....*Microphone lowers down from ceiling*...... OSH-KOSH WIS-CON-SIN!!!! Which, if I remember correctly, is a rough hour or so drive away from Green Bay. If you couldn't tell already I myself am a "Cheesehead", although I'm not really a fan of American cheeses, I like my Mozzarella, more than my Cheddar, and I'm not even Italian, Santino would be proud. Finally, after all of my pointless babbling, although this was completely obvious, I love that HHH put Hornswoggle's hat on Vince's head, just to drive home the fact that Vince was indeed a father to a "Little Bastard".
JP: What I learned most of all is that Hornswoggle is from Oshkosh. That could be used in the storyline somehow if they wanted to bring Mr. Kennedy back into the mix. Like, Hornswoggle switched the blood results and it turns out he is Mr. Kennedy's half step-brother (Kennedy's "father" [the one married to his wife] had an affair with someone in Oshkosh who in turn gave birth to Hornswoggle. Therefore, Kennedy and Hornswoggle are half step-brothers through his step-father's indiscretions. Or maybe to get even for the affair, Kennedy's mom slept with Vince McMahon, and that is how Kennedy was sired. Oh man, I really have got to stop writing for the WWE). Anyway, Dan has a bit more:
Ok I have two more for Impact, and they go out to Team Pacman..........YES, I said Team Pacman!
It looked at least to me like Ron Killings was wearing a Football style glove on his hand but maybe I'm wrong, although it would make sense, since he is teaming with a [somewhat] current NFL player.
JP: Ron Killings is nothing if not a man who can match outfits. I'm sure you've noticed he has dropped the chain rattling pants in favor of low drop shorts and a sparkling tank top.
And second this goes to a Mr. Adam "PACMAN" Jones, When he was saying something along the lines that the Tag Titles were meant for Team Pacman, because they fit like a glove, Killings said "Like a Michael Jackson glove?", Jones replied "No Like the glove on your hand.", which made Ron look at his hand, and at least to me, and act surprised. Almost like he had forgotten he was wearing a glove.
I also would like to give PACMAN his props, and not cherries or pellets. Even though he still needs some time, he has gotten better when it comes to delivering promos.
JP: I think I would like Jones a lot more if he was brought in a la Steve McMichael and slowly had to work his way up the ranks and be a performer. It's just the way he was brought in left a sour taste in my mouth, but Hidden Highlights always make me warm to someone.
Ok, for Dan's vote:
Next up in the contest is another regular and all around Latino guy Pedro Rodriguez:
I have three hidden highlights from this week's ECW:
1. Striker is, as always, a hidden highlights goldmine for me. One of the things I noticed about him this week is whenever Big Daddy V did a move to Nunzio, he always motioned too. When BDV lifted Nunzio up and slammed him, he signaled the same motion. Before BDV did the elbow drop, Striker lifted his arm and tapped the elbow. And also, who could not love Striker trying to high-five BDV? Striker is one of a kind.
JP: That match for me was ironic. Considering that Nunzio spent a good part of his ECW career coming out with Big Sal E. Grazziano and had them beat up his opponents like what happened to him; it was like watching original ECW in the Opposites.
2. Well, we had the return of Mike Knox, whom I am a big fan of (how many people do you know say that?). Anyway, onto his match against Balls Mahoney. During the bout, Balls threw Knox to the ropes, but got hit in the face with a knee. Afterwards, Knox hit a Northern Lariat to Mahoney. The thing was, before Knox had executed the move, he grabbed onto Mahoney's arm, making sure he would get the shot to take him down. Also, it added pressure to Balls' shoulder and neck, causing it to be even more devastating.
JP: And I was just thinking of Mike Knox before he came out, too. After Miz pulled Kelly Kelly away, it really occurred to me that Kelly gets involved with controlling, abusive men. You know what, I'm feeling a lot less sorry for her right now.
3. Simple touches can go a long way. Earlier in the night, we saw Punk give an enziguri to Burke. For our main event, it was Punk/Richards taking on Burke/Thorn. The highlight isn't in the match, but took place before it. A second after Punk entered the ring, he looked at Burke and began to hold his neck for a second. This is a great highlight because Punk reminded Burke of what he did to him earlier (Kicking him in the head/neck area). A simple touch.
JP: Simple touches do count for so much!
All right everyone, how will you Vote for Pedro (couldn't resist):
Up next is an interesting one in that he doesn't have a real name EQuain Rhodes:
Oh man! Do I have some whoppers for you.
1) This first comes from the #1 information site for professional wrestling, 411mania.com. It's from a column called, "411's Heat Report." While I was reading, I came across something so funny that I had to tell you guys. Scott Slimmer said something that deserves to be in the H.O.F. During his covering of "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan vs "Some Dude", he referred to Ol' Hacksaw as the "Tomorrowland Transit Authority" to Ric Flair's "Space Mountain." That is gold. That's something I expected to hear the greatest color analyst in the industry, JBL, say. (More on JBL later)
JP: When it comes to HEAT and Slimmer, only one person can respond…
Small: Equain, you are dead to me.
JP: And there you have it.
2) TNA crowd chanting, "FIRE RUSSO!" I wished I could've been there for that.
JP: Even if what Dixie Carter says is true and that Russo was not the one who wrote the storyline/segments/matches where that chant goes off, maybe they could look at whoever is and rethink that person's work?
3) During the opening segment of RAW, JBL entered to a well-deserved pop. I actually marked out during his intro. During his intro, however, JBL wrote his own ticket into the H.O.F. He called The Great Khali "Big Gulp!!!" Then on top of that, he instructed Generic Indian Dude #24 to "Take him to Punjabi Super Cuts!" JBL is awesome.
JP: That he is, that he is.
4) Santino Marella finally snapped and in quite possibly his greatest performance since "The Dating Game," not only does he steal Ron Simmons' gimmick, but he almost did it better than Mr. Simmons. Key word: ALMOST!
JP: Remember when Chris Jericho used to go around stealing people's masks and chains and then their gimmicks? Good times! From what I hear, Santino can actually play just about anything. I guess in OVW he was an evil Russian.
5) During the final segment of RAW (I dare you to pick just one HH from it), Vince batted 1.000.
First, after being told that no one from ECW is his son, Vince said the following: 1) "Thank GOD Balls Mahoney isn't my son. (Proves that Vince actually believes that their is a God.); 2) Hey Tommy! (For those "In da Know" everyone knows that Tommy Dreamer is getting a promotion)
JP: Yeah, I think the "Hi Tommy" was because Tommy Dreamer is an office boy and probably the only ECW original that is safe for now.
Interesting tidbit: I had no idea that you could be suspended for impersonating a McMahon. How old is this statute? Shouldn't HBK and HHH be suspended due to their DEAD-ON impersonation of TWO McMahons? Continuity sells people.
JP: No, see, that falls under the free domain of satire law, and therefore could not be an offence. Kennedy actually tried to get into the McMahon clan as himself, that's different.
Then after being told that his son is of fair skin, J.R. said, "Al Sharpton just let out a sigh of relief." (BTW did anyone but me catch it when J.R. called Candice Michelle the WWE Champion? Not nitpicking or anything, but Candice looks in NO WAY like John Cena.)
JP: She is the WWE Champion, if the WWE didn't have a men's division.
When the creepy lawyer guy said "Individual gold" would it have made sense if HHH, Sandman, and JBL left, seeing as how all of them were Tag Champs?
JP: I'm still confused by Hacksaw leaving! He is a former WCW Television and WCW United States Champion. That has to count…
Finally, the looks on the following Superstars faces were almost Regal-esque. (You could tell that something was missing last night.)
1) Mark Henry: Had the classic angry black man look.
2) JBL: his look when he was leaving had me in tears. (BTW JBL was on fire tonight. Shouldn't be surprising seeing as he's a WRESTLING GOD!!!)
3) Hornswaggle: Honest to God, who could've pulled that off better than Hornswaggle? I'm still trying to figure out how Finlay fits into all of this but that's for a different time.
JP: Everyone is wondering about Finlay. Guess I should have watched SmackDown! before I wrote this segment. Ah well!
Where do your votes fall for EQuain?
Our next contestant hails from Meansville, Georgia: Trevor Alexander. He said I could pick whichever ones I wanted, so I picked them all! That's what we do here:
Pac Mac Jones has been added to the Impact opening montage. Fantastic… (If you actually count there are more former WWF/WWE guys in the opening montage than TNA home grown talent… in fact every single guy on the roster who used to wrestle for Vince is in it)
JP: I know people like to call Christian Cage a WWE main player, but he really did not become a main eventer until TNA. I consider Cage, while not homegrown, at least coming into his own. It's kind of like Triple H or Steve Austin. Both started their careers in WCW, but nobody calls them WCW guys. They look at them as WWE because that is where they came into their own and had their most successful runs. The same with Cage in my mind. Sure, he started his high-profile career in WWE, but he is really a TNA guy who found his most success there.
A.J. Styles behind Christian during the J.B interview was great even Tomko stepped up his facial expressions in the segment. A.J. Styles = Eugene + Awesome… or is he just supposed to be southern… I never can tell (No hate mail, I'm from the south)
JP: I've lived in the south, too, and I still can't decide!
Is it sad that Karen Angle is more entertaining than any Diva on the WWE roster when it comes to her on air character? "It is a great privilege to introduce you to your champion, and my Sugardaddy, Kurt Angle" What wife calls her husband that? One that knows her place, that's who. (I kid, I kid)
JP: My rich friend from Florence let me live at his condo one summer for free, so I called him my sugar daddy. Totally not gay, I swear!
Why the heck would Kurt have to be told that Sting didn't hit Karen when you can clearly see that he didn't on tape, do TNA wrestlers not watch their own product. I could understand if there was a camera angle where you couldn't tell if she got hit or not but it's clear as day. Heck, it would have made sense for there TO be a bad camera Angle so it would be he said she said and not she said tape says
JP: Angle is busy!
Don West Please STFU, He said and I quote during the Angle beat down on Sting, "And the sad thing is all she did in the long run, is cost him the Tag Team Titles." Wow, way to "De-value" the belts even more.
JP: I like Don West.
Why the heck do you have to be in a cult to be a fan of Shark Boy?
JP: Because only people in the front row make the Shark Boy symbol with their hands. Everyone else has no idea!
Before Machismo even lost the match West and Tenay were already making excuses for why someone would lose after a big win. Also what was the point of having Senshi semi interfere if it didn't cause Lethal to lose in the long run. It took away from the victory of Daniels.
JP: I was confused by the timing of this match. I think they could have just had Daniels beat Lethal up backstage and have Triple X continually jump him until he gave him back the shot he earned. Would have accomplished the same thing. Or this could have been a tag match. Triple X and Dutt were all standing outside.
Daniels has started talking to the heavens again, glad to see this part of his character come back since it's disappeared recently.
JP: I was going to write a bunch of Hidden Highlights on this one until Tenay mentioned it. Damn you Mike Tenay!
NOT THE REVERSE BATTLE ROYALE!
JP: You find it more confusing than this contest?
Nice to see TNA pulling a WWE and advertising their merchandise in the background of their interviews.
JP: I assume you are talking about Jim Cornette's office, which I like to talk about all the time. That "Fan's Revenge" sign is still there!
I'm glad Matt Morgan didn't have theme music, it highlights the fact that he is hired muscle and not in ring talent.
JP: See, sometimes it is the little things they DON'T do that work out so well.
Production highlight with cutting a small section of the cage out so the camera man can shoot through there with no cage in the way.
JP: I've actually seen that the last few times they've used the cage. Can I also tell you I don't like "escape" cage matches. I think it should always be pinfall/submission in a cage, no escape, no interference.
What was the point in the ref bump if cage matches are no DQ in nature, I mean other than Kurt kicking Abyss below the belt nothing illegal was done while he was out.
JP: Actually, it was not a no DQ cage match. You had to be quick to catch it, but it was actually just a submission match inside of a cage. That's why the match ended as a DQ/No Contest in the end when JM came out from under the ring (I'm not typing that guys name out every week, too hard).
Instead of throwing Abyss into the glass Judas stabbed him with the glass instead. Nice way to show how more sadistic you are than Abyss.
JP: I absolutely CRINGED at that scene. Gross.
While Judas was licking the blood off the glass he stabbed Abyss with Don West said "it's like he's licking the blood off the glass"
How is doing something LIKE doing something, it's like he's a moron but he is one.
JP: You really don't like West, huh?
Something I've noticed but this week more than ever is that West and Tenay (More Tenay) will describe what happened in a move that happened maybe 7 seconds prior. Normal announcers would call a move with short action statements but Mike and Don are talking like they are reading from script and every line is coming out no matter what… now they wouldn't do that would they (http://www.wrestlinggonewrong.com/video/tna_announcers_caught.html)
JP: Sorry guy, that's not what's happening at all. There are monitors right in front of them that the two are watching. It has become practice du jour to watch the monitors instead of the live action in front of you. That's why sometimes West and Tenay will miss someone coming down the ramp, through the crowd, or at the ring apron because they are looking at the monitors. The idea is that the announcers should be calling what the people at home are seeing, not what can't be seen. Do I believe in this practice? Personally, no. I think the announcers should let us know what we missed; it's very interesting stuff. But since TNA also does a lot of post-match calling (they re-record the play-by-play afterwards), they can't do that too often.
Phew, that was a bit, but how did it tabulate in votes for Trevor?
There are more contestants to come, plus the regular write-ins! But we'll get to them right after this short break…
