What Were They Thinking? 09.19.07: The Worst Of The McMahon Family
Posted by William Bumgarner on 09.19.2007
Televised wrestling was good this week, so instead I take a look back at the new "First Family of Wrestling" and some of the worst things that they were involved with on-camera.
Greetings, and welcome to What Were They Thinking?, where I examine the worst angles, gimmicks, matches, skits, characters, and everything else that can be bad in a week's worth of wrestling. I am your host, Bill, and each week I will be bringing you the worst of the worst from Monday Night RAW, ECW on SciFi, TNA iMPACT!, Friday Night SmackDown!, and a Pay-Per-View if there is one. For each show, I will be detailing the worst aspects of the night, ranked by a system of 'skulls' rather than 'stars'. Whereas getting several stars is a good thing, getting several skulls is a bad thing. The system works like this:
N 1 Skull = This wasn't too bad, but could have been better.
NN 2 Skulls = Step it up, people!
NNN 3 Skulls = Were you even trying with this one?
NNNN 4 Skulls = Oh, now you want us to change channels, don't you?
NNNNN 5 Skulls = Shoot me – SHOOT ME NOW!!!!!
Aside from the rankings, I'm also going to break down the item in question and give my own take on it. There will not be a set number of entries for every show; how many entries a show gets depends on just how bad it truly was. I didn't see anything horribly bad last week (nothing worse than usual for the most part, and the 'big' reveal of McMahon's son at the end of RAW was absolutely priceless) so I'm going to do something different: this week, What Were They Thinking? presents "The Worst of the McMahon Family", where I pick the angle or storyline that each member has become (in)famous for, followed by the one where the entire family got together to make our TV viewing experience just a little bit worse. Let's take a walk down memory lane, shall we?
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Shane McMahon
WORST ANGLE: WWF European Champion SYNOPSIS: In a tag-team match (Shane and Kane vs. Triple H and then-Champion X-Pac), Shane pins X-Pac for the Championship.
ANALYSIS: First of all, let me say that it's this kind of egotism and self-promotion that makes me shudder when I see a McMahon on television. Having your son work as a referee? Okay. Having your son as an announcer? Okay. Having your son as a backstage personality/authority figure? Okay. Booking your son to win what was then considered a major mid-card title belt? Not okay. To start with, plenty of guys could have used the rub from that title, such as TAKA Michinoku. Second, it sends a message of favoritism to not only the fans, but to the locker room, as well. If you were working in a department store, had been there for quite some time, and did your job well but never got much in the way of promotions, what would your reaction be if your manager suddenly hired his son and made him a supervisor or assistant manager over you? I doubt you'd like it very much, and I can imagine that the roster didn't care for it, either. Finally, the fact that Shane was (and still is) considered a non-wrestler devalues the title. It's a slap in the face to all previous and future Champions; essentially saying that the Championship is so easy to win that someone who isn't even a wrestler can acquire it does not make people excited about title matches, be they spectator or participant. And then, after defending it once against former Champion X-Pac in a match where Triple H interfered, turned on X-Pac, and allowed Shane to retain, the spawn of Lucifer....er, Shane retired the belt (wanting to go out an undefeated Champ), and it was then found two months later in Shane's duffel bag by Mideon, essentially reactivating the title with him as Champion. That was the final nail in the coffin, as the European Championship was never taken seriously again (much like the WCW Television title, which was 'found' by Jim Duggan after Champion Scott Hall tossed it in a dumpster), and it was a blessing when Rob Van Dam, the Intercontinental Champion, defeated European Champion Jeff Hardy on the July 22, 2002 edition of RAW to unify the belts into a new Intercontinental Championship, ending the disgraced legacy of the once-prized title. And to think; this rapid decline of the belt to a meaningless prop was spearheaded by a McMahon. Surprise, suprise, surprise. NNNN
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Stephanie McMahon
WORST STORYLINE: SmackDown! General Manager SYNOPSIS: On July 18, 2002, Steph was appointed the General manager of SmackDown! by Vince, but he quickly grew to regret that decision as her growing independence, power, and influence, and her attempts to stop his affair with Sable, became a thorn in his side. He tried to get her to resign by putting her in matches with wrestlers such as A-Train and Brock Lesnar, but she refused to resign, stating that he would have to fire her. This culminated in the first (and thankfully last) "Father/Daughter 'I Quit' Match" at the 2003 No Mercy pay-per-view event. Steph didn't actually quit, but her mother, Linda, had accompanied her to ringside, and threw in the towel for her daughter when Vince refused to let up on a chokehold with a lead pipe. Vince then appointed former ECW owner/operator Paul Heyman the new General Manager of SmackDown!. ANALYSIS:More McMahon ego-stroking. As if she wasn't on TV enough during the McMahon-Helmsley Era and InVasion! storylines, Stephanie was on the air every single week to prove (as if we didn't know it already) that the McMahons were the center of the WWE and nobody else was as important as they were. Aside from Vince, the only enemy she had during this time was then-RAW General Manager and former World Championship Wrestling president Eric Bischoff, and that was mostly done via having a wrestler from one show 'invade' another and cause some trouble. It got old fast. The only truly notable thing that I can remember her doing while GM was the "wedding" between Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo, and I think we'd all rather not delve into that one too much. I eventually got so sick of Steph that I quit watching the show altogether until Heyman replaced her. There really isn't much else I can say at this point without dipping into the supply of breast implant jokes, and I'm not going there. But this short entry proves one thing – Steph hardly did anything during her tenure other than make half of the WWE's weekly television unwatchable. NNNN
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Linda McMahon
WORST ANGLE: The Heel Turn SYNOPSIS: At the October 3, 2005 edition of RAW, labeled the RAW Homecoming as the show was returning to its former home on USA Network, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin appeared at the end of the broadcast and gave each and every McMahon a Stone Cold Stunner, much to the delight of the fans. The following week, Vince admonished the announce team, Jim Ross, Jonathan Coachman, and Jerry "The King" Lawler, for not stepping in to stop Austin during his rampage. Vince demanded that Ross apologize personally to Stephanie, then Linda came to the ring, presumably to chastise Vince and Steph for their treatment of Ross, but then she turned to him and said, "Jim, you're fired!" before delivering a kick to the groin to the 'Voice of RAW' and standing tall with her husband and daughter as Ross lay writhing in pain on the mat. ANALYSIS: First of all, yes, I know that Ross wasn't actually fired; this was merely a way to give him an excuse to be away for his colon surgery. Nevertheless, it could have been done far more tastefully and without shattering an image established years earlier and had remain unchanged until then. Ever since Linda first appeared on WWF TV, she had been the voice of reason. She was calm, rational, and above all neutral. She acted in the best interests of the company, the fans, and the locker room. After her heel turn on that fateful RAW, however, she was seldom seen and usually as another 'evil authority figure' or supporter of Vince and his schemes. She has apparently turned face again in the recent 'illegitimate child' storyline, but I'll never be able to look at her without imagining that low blow and being reminded that the WWE can take even the most upright persona they have and turn them into a villain in the blink of an eye. NNN
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Vince McMahon
WORST ANGLE: "McMahonism" SYNOPSIS: Vince, in an attempt to get under Shawn Michaels' skin about being a born-again Christian, starts referring to himself as a god and inducting people such as Jonathan Coachman into his 'religion', which led up to Vince and Shane challenging Michaels to a tag-team match at Backlash 2006 where Shawn's partner was announced as "God". ANALYSIS: Can you say 'tasteless'? I knew you could. It was a toss-up as to whether I should use this or the J.R. 'colon surgery' skit, but this won out. As a religious man myself, I was greatly offended by this angle and refused to watch. Only after the religious aspect of the feud with Michaels was over (which I thank Triple H for, as his involvement turned things in a different direction) did I return to watching RAW broadcasts. There are just so many things wrong with this. First of all, 'McMahonism' was essentially a cult with Vince as its leader/deity. Granted, it was all scripted, nobody actually believed it, and was obviously meant to essentially be a parody of such cults, it still didn't have to be done. And that's Vince's problem – he'll do anything to try and get a ratings pop (anything but actually listen to the fans, that is). I admit that, for some reason I'll never figure out, this works, as he keeps getting people to tune in, but, if he's going to continue booking himself in ways that make him look superior, just once I'd like to see him write an angle that doesn't involve bad surgery skits, forcing people to kiss his posterior, religion, exploiting a dead man's legacy, or the seemingly-endless feud with his own family. I doubt that'll ever happen, though. NNNN
The Entire Family
WORST STORYLINE: The InVasion! SYNOPSIS: After the collapse of World Championship Wrestling and Extreme Championship Wrestling, Vince swooped in and bought them lock, stock, and roster. After this, a story developed where Shane McMahon was supposedly the new owner of WCW, and would have WCW wrestlers and matches on WWF programs after the WWF 'main event' for the evening was over (these almost always involved Booker T defending his WCW World Heavyweight Championship against another WCW wrestler). Eventually, Paul Heyman would unveil ECW revived as a stable, which quickly formed The Alliance with Shane's WCW. Not long afterwards, Stephanie was revealed as the new owner of ECW, and instead of WWF vs WCW and ECW, it became McMahon vs. McMahon and McMahon. ANALYSIS: Great; just what we needed. As if being in bad angles one at a time wasn't horrible enough, now they all want on camera at the same time. I didn't realize video tape could hold that much ego at once. The importance of the wrestlers and the WCW titles (they didn't figure the ECW belts worth acknowledging on TV) was quickly downplayed in favor of Shane and Steph plotting against Vince and vice-versa. Initially, Linda sided with her children, but then joined Vince when she realized that the Alliance would destroy the WWF and their family. Thus everyone in that gene pool was involved somehow, and the angle suffered for it. There were several mark-out moments, like WWF Champion Steve Austin joining the Alliance at the InVasion! PPV, but these were overshadowed by the near-endless supply of skits and promos where the McMahons would attack one another verbally, then have their differences hashed out in matches that were obviously biased towards one side or the other and never gave us the feel that we'd always wanted. How many times did WCW, ECW, and WWF fans alike agree that a match between Stone Cold and Goldberg would be the match of the millennium, or that they'd love to see Kurt Angle match technical skills with the likes of Sting, or see the high-flying Hardy Boys in a fast-paced, action-packed match against Rey Mysterio Jr. and Juventud Guerrera? We clamored for these dream matches between the best of the best of the promotions, and we finally thought we'd get to see them, but all we got was the same package wrapped up in different paper. I'll end this by summarizing it with a quote from RD Reynolds: "It was the angle we all wanted to see.....it became the angle we'd all rather forget." NNNNN
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And that does it for this week, folks. Remember, feedback is always welcome, and I try to respond to as many e-mails personally as I can. I'd especially like to know if you were confused/upset/etc. by this deviation from the format that I technically "established" last week. I am rather concerned about pulling the trigger on this so early (I'd planned it for either my 10th or 25th entry), but this is, I think, better than a blank page for a column.
