You're An Idiot And Here's Why 9.20.07: No Mercy
Posted by Rob Halden on 09.20.2007
One crappy PPV down and one more to come, as this week Rob Halden looks at the Idiots on offer at the upcoming No Mercy.
Alas, poor readers, with one shitty WWE PPV out of the way I think we can all see the next one looming on the horizon. But before I dump all over something I have no intention of buying, let's do the happy-list.
Rob Does Not Hate The Following ECW Elimination Chase - Did anyone see ECW this week? They had a whole bunch of wrestlers come out and express interest in the ECW Championship, doing their absolute best to convince us all that it's worth more than the US Title. Then the GM booked on ongoing competition between the four men, with one person being eliminated each week until we have a new #1 Contender. Pay some fucking attention Raw and Smackdown, because that is how you book your main event scene.
This Week's Idiot: No Mercy
What exactly do we have to look forward to on this new Pay Per View? Well so far the card as it stands has the following;
Triple H Vs Umaga
Umaga is suspended until the 1st of October. No Mercy will be taking place on the 7th of October. This will give us all a glorious one-show build up to the match. And yes I know Triple H put Umaga on the shelf, but let's also not forget the insane character booking these two have received. Triple H is a face nowadays…except for when he's beating the crap out of London & Kendrick, the only baby-face tag team in the whole company. And Umaga was having a nice little face run, the WWE had done a great job of turning him and he was getting some decent pops of his own, before the WWE pulled a complete 180 and had him attack their #2 Baby Face Triple H. This match will see Umaga's face turn completely ruined as the fans side with Trips. Not to mention the fact that Umaga was poised for a great Upper-Mid-Card position before his suspension, and in his first match back he will no doubt get obliterated by the all-powerful King Of Kings. Back to the IC title for you, Mr. Umaga.
And oh yeah, isn't Triple H feuding with fucking Carlito? Isn't this advanced booking just an annoying admission that Hunter will make short work of Carlito on Raw?
Batista Vs The Great Khali – Punjabi Prison Match
*sigh* Look. Smackdown just made the World Heavyweight Title scene interesting and exciting again with the introduction of Rey Mysterio. Why in the name of all that is holy, would you then immediately remove Rey from the next main event? Why would you make us sit through ANOTHER fucking Batista/Khali match? WHY?!? I've seen a dozen of the fucking things! Why do you want me to see them do, whatever it is they do, yet again?! Why the hell isn't this match Batista Vs Rey? Khali was the one guy in the Unforgiven match who got pinned! Why does he get a re-match and Rey gets dick-all?! Sweet Jesus And The Mary Chain, Smackdown, what the hell is going on with your show? Look, if you need something for Khali to do, stick him in a tag team with Mark Henry and have them go after the tag titles. Then, when MVP leaves Matt Hardy alone in the ring, your two huge monsters can crush him and draw some mega-heat as well as get some more gold and keep themselves away from the World Title. I've defended Khali as World Champion, but now you've got some class talent acts back, do not make me watch him trip and stumble his way all over the young and athletic Batista.
P.S. The Punjabi Prison Match barely makes any fucking sense.
John Cena Vs Randy Orton – Last Man Standing Match
I'm confused as to why WWE had to Russo this fucking feud and involve John Cena's Dad. Especially when we've had no involvement from Cowboy Bob. I mean, if this entire silly-1990's-angle is leading to some awesome Cowboy Bob moments, then I'm all for it. Hell, leave Randy at home and sell me Cena Vs Cowboy Bob, cuz I'll buy that shit. This feud has already seen Cena pick up the clean win as soon as things started. And so, unless this ends with Randy as the new champion, then we've got a huge freakin' problem. With Cena's reign now surpassing the 12 month mark (and before that time the belt has never been far from his grasp) can the Raw main event stand another John-Cena-Ultimate-God victory? Can Randy Orton survive a second big-time loss? The problem is the WWE have booked themselves into a corner here. If Cena's first loss in a year sees him being knocked out for the count of 10, then that is a huge fucking blow. If Randy Orton loses to Cena yet again, then he is no longer a viable challenger or main event player.
Other possibilities…
Cade & Murdoch Vs London & Kendrick
Well Triple H butt-fucked all four of them in the ring on Monday night so quite frankly, who gives a fuck? WWE clearly doesn't, so why should we? Four bitches who can't take down one guy on his own, scrapping over title belts that clearly mean nothing anymore.
Intercontinental Championship
Two words. Little Girl Jeff Hardy.
Hornswoggle stuff
This might drum up a few laughs on PPV, but it's not gonna produce anything I'm gonna pay more to see.
And so the saving grace of No Mercy? It'll be anything involving Matt Hardy and MVP. I'm truly hoping they give this pair another outing at No Mercy as a tag team to really further the feud, pull the trigger on the tag team shtick and then build towards a final showdown for the title.
You're An Idiot Because – I Don't Want To Spend My Money On You…Work Harder For It
