Truth B Told 9.27.07: Main Uneventful
Posted by Bayani Domingo on 09.27.2007
If there’s an “under card” than what the hell is an “over card”? When did the main event stop being the Featured Attraction?
To me a wrestling show is like a date. You have the opening match which is picking up your date, saying she looks nice, walking her to your car and telling her that your BMW is in the shop and you had to borrow your friend's Kia. There is the mid-card which features dinner, maybe a movie or coffee, explaining what the RoH on your sweat shirt means and that it was the only clean thing you had in your house besides the "Hello Moto" t-shirt you got free last week…then wondering why you didn't just wear that t-shirt instead. Then you have the upper-card, that could be the post dinner drink, the post movie late night snack, or the post 7-11 hang out after your fake I.D. didn't fool the bouncer at the club (c'mon, you look GREAT for being 45 right?). Then at last is the main event, the drive back to her place where she can either let you walk her to the door, maybe let you give her a little kiss, maybe invite you in for a little drink, maybe invite you in for a little anal. Who knows? The sky is the limit…unless you actually wore that RoH hoodie, then the limit is like half a "handy" and a Mountain Dew. Then again, she might just tell you to slow down when you're a half block from her house and she just opens the doors, rolls out and yells at you to lose her number. Such is the unpredictability of a "Main Event". But if you had the choice, wouldn't you prefer a little peck on the cheek to a bitter chick tuck and rolling out of your 1995 Kia Sephia?
Unforgiven's main event was the equivalent of having her go home with her ex she ran into at the bar while you were getting her another Mojito from the bar. They had Batista go over both Rey Mysterio Jr. and the Great Khali clean to win the WHT in order to send a strong message about Batista's dominance and to show that he wasn't just a "brides maid" after all. If it wasn't for that big and decisive win then Batista would have been considered one of the worst chokers in all of wrestling since Chris Benoit. *too soon?* While that would have served as a good way to end the show, that match was in the middle of the card. John Cena and Randy Orton's match ended in a DQ in a short match and brought the ire of many in the IWC, however that wasn't the main event either which was probably a good idea since ending PPVs with DQ's and No Contests are just a horrible idea. The main event was a match between the returning Undertaker and Mark Henry. The show should have ended after 5 matches apparently. From what I hear that match ranked somewhere between "Barely watch able" and "Double Crap on a stick". The line between "Main Event" and "Last match of the card" just got a lot blurrier. In fact, besides maybe Wrestlemania, when was the last "Main Event" that you saw that you were "blown away by" at the end of a WWE PPV? What about TNA?
Coming up in a little over two weeks is TNA's "Bound For Glory" and presumably main eventing that show is; Kurt Angle vs Sting for the TNA Championship. While that would have been a great main event to have…5 years ago, going with the demographic and fan base that TNA said they were going for, this doesn't fit. There are many who believe that the Christian Cage vs Samoa Joe match should be the main event and should involve the title as they are two of the more popular wrestlers over with the TNA crowd at the moment. You've gone from shunting down two guys who TNA have helped make legitimate TV Stars and put over two guys who were made by the WWF and WCW. That sends a bad message because it seems as though the WWE once again is looking to wrangle in the fans from the past instead of grow their own stars and fan base. You're letting the WWE and even the old WCW be the trend setters instead of setting the trends yourself. While the TNA championship SHOULD be the main event to the evening at this point, it is arguably as to whether the right guys are in that main event. Then again it isn't long ago that the X-Division and Tag Team Titles were main eventing shows and with good reason. TNA used to try to put what they perceived to be the best match of the night on last, rather than the guy who felt was the biggest ‘name'. When you look back at that epic Joe vs Daniels vs AJ series or the LAX vs The Phenomenal Angles feud you know exactly why. Well I guess it remains to be seen whether that main event is indeed the main match.
This isn't to say that the WWE and TNA don't deliver in their main events. While not every PPV ends with it's strongest match or the most well built match, more often then not both companies know where their TV time is best spent. Building up Cena feud after Cena feud, or constantly teasing fans with a Samoa Joe title win doesn't just happen by accident. But the problem is that it seems that there are times when matches which feature better wrestlers with better chemistry than the main events are purposely given less time or reined in a bit so that the main event isn't overshadowed. That is due mainly to the problems of the bookers and agents not being able to put together a good match or pushing guys who just can't delivery ‘money matches'. But not everyone thinks like that.
Recently in Dragon Gate I heard that the Arai/Iwasa vs Saito/Yokosuka match was an excellent tag team match for the IJ Tag Team titles. That match went on 2 matches before the main event of CIMA vs Doi. While a good match in it's own right even CIMA himself declared on the mic following his match that the match prior was incredible. Unheard of in this country, especially seeing as it was a PPV. Other matches in Japanese feds are given ample time and the wrestlers given ample opportunity to shine outside of the main event. In fact that kind of attitude carried over to the indies and has been a practice for sometime in many companies.
Take RoH for example. While I did come down hard on their idea to flood the market with stables last week, they none the less keep coming up with MotYC after MotYC. While most of these end up in the main event, some of these end up on the mid-card. Take the MCMG vs Briscoes match earlier in the year for instance. A great match with two great teams and while Gabe must have known it would probably end up overshadowing the main event he didn't mind. The thinking is that the difference between RoH and TNA/WWE is that RoH relies more heavily on DVD sales than on PPV buy rates and an Indy fan will more likely buy a DVD based on 1 or 2 great matches regardless of where they are on the card. While there have been few **** Morishima title matches…if any, RoH has continued to try to build the under card around strong matches from the mid-carders, tag teams (both of them), and stables wars. While it is almost always a certainty that the RoH title match will end the show, or at least feature the RoH Champion himself, it seems like they aren't afraid to let the 3rd, 4th, or 5th match on the card try to steal the show. I guess RoH realized that a strong under card doesn't make the main event look any weaker as it makes the card as a whole look stronger. Or they're starting to realize that Morishima has to be carried to great matches a bit more than then previously thought.
PWG did the same thing during Joey Ryan's year long title reign last year. They realized they could only end so many shows with a DQ or cheap win for Joey and put the tag titles on Super Dragon and Davey Richards and let them Main Event the bulk of the shows due to their matches being remarkably better than the PWG title matches. In the case of some shows the main event wasn't even a title match at all but rather the blow off to a feud or a featured "Dream Match" of some sorts. In fact many of the PWG MotYC are from the under card except for a choice few. The big difference between PWG and other Indy feds is that again, they rely on DVD sales to make up a good portion of their revenue and realize that a DVD will only sell as well as the best card on the match allows, not necessarily the last match on the card.
The WWE and TNA have weeks, even months to build up a main event if they so choose. They have weeks of television time to slowly progress a feud and try to convince their audience to spend money on a live PPV. RoH, PWG, FIP, pretty much every Indy fed has 3 things going for them: 1) A website, 2) word of mouth, 3) a wrestler's reputation. Indy feds relay as much on being able to make their own stars as they do booking big named stars that come with their own resume' and set of expectations by the fans. While some cards may be periodically updated from time to time on an Indy fed's webpage, usually a one time press release or hype is all it takes to put out the word to the fans. Wrestling blogs, message boards, and wrestling websites (like the fine one here at 411mania.com) are another tool by which word of mouth can help promote a show or feud, however the company themselves do not have much control over public opinion. While the "e" and "a" rely on the emotions and escalating actions and repercussions further selling their matches, most Indy feds only have the wrestler's reputations and perceived skills and expected match quality to truly rely on. While you can see a feud progress for weeks at a time on TV in regards to the "big 2", you may have to wait 2, 3, even 5 weeks between some shows to see a feud move forward on the Indy scene. Once again, televised wrestling promotes televised drama, while live Indy wrestling promotes live action as its selling point.
Now this isn't a damnation of drama and storylines when it comes to wrestling. The Cena/HBK feud progressed nicely and ended up with a damn good hour long match on free TV. The rise to prominence by Batista a few years back was all due to that little bit of time he got on TV every week. Without television and the soap opera-ish storyline that accompanied King Book-UH's rise to royalty we might never have known the awesomeness of the rule of the Smackdown Kingdom. It's important to have a little bit of drama and reasoning behind every match otherwise it ends up being a really good athletic bout that ultimately led to nothing. While there are those who support Samoa Joe becoming the TNA champion as soon as possible or the MCMG's taking the belts off Team Pacman, it ultimately means nothing if it's not properly built up to go along with a kick ass match that culminates in a meaningful title win. Hence why title changes on free TV are a double edge sword as they really do add to the "anything can happen so you better tune in" attitude, it also can deflate a potentially big moment for a wrestler and a feud. The trick is finding the balance.
The real crux of this problem is how to make the last match on the card the TRUE "Main Event". I know lots of companies want to bill a card as having "Two Main Events" or "Double Main Events" when they feel they have two equally important matches on the card, but that's a lie. There can be only one real main event and that is the last match on the card. The main event means the most important match, and not necessarily the best match on the card. It doesn't mean it involves the most important wrestler, but it should be the match that is supposed to be featured as the main attraction and every other match should be there to support that match as well as make sure the audience feels like they got their money's worth. I know that I've seen PPV's where the under card was so good than even if I was disappointed by the main event I still felt I got my money's worth, where as there were times when the under card was so piss poor that even a ***** main event couldn't make up for it because the whole vent had been tainted and $8 admission and $20 in mediocre bar food or $45 to Time Warner for a single awesome match just doesn't seem worth it. But the question is should the bookers just let the workers go and knowing ahead of time which will be the best and most well received match by the audience go on last regardless of the performers?
Surprisingly the answer is probably no. I don't always think that the best wrestler should hold the belt all the time and in those cases where that is the case you more often then not still have to put them in the main event unless you have built up another title to mean just as much as the Heavyweight Title. In PWG and RoH's case you can claim that both of their secondary titles, tag titles, could main event their shows based on the prestige of the titles and the men wearing them if a better match up could be made than the singles belt. In TNA's case they would have to rebuild their secondary titles before they could do the same, and the "e" is in that same boat as well. I think a company has to go with their best match or their best built match. The problem I had with both the "e" and "a" is that Angle vs Sting is a decent match which was built on a silly premise and the bookers should have known how lack luster ‘Taker vs Mizzark was going to be. HHH and Rey Rey came back last month as well, but they didn't get to main event the PPV, but ‘Taker gets to wrestle a giant turd as the last match of the PPV over Cena/Orton and a resounding Batista title win? Madness I tells ya, MADNESS!! I think the bottom line is that the "Main Event" really needs to be one of two things: either the money match that everyone is paying to see because of the anticipation and build, or the match that will define the entire show and be the most memorable one on the card. In some cases, that is true, but not necessarily remembered for the reason you'd want it to be.
While the Unforgiven PPV was in a tough spot I think that had more to do with the booking and build than anything else. If you had to put ‘Taker against Henry, then don't expect them to close out a show strongly because if all you want is the "'Taker returns from the dead (again)" pop, then you better damn well have him almost behead Henry in the process to make up for…well, Mark Henry being in the match in the first place. Also if you want to have Cena DQ'ed in his title match, then don't put it in a place on the card where the match after it has to make up for it…when it can't possibly do that. Batista's win would have at least been fitting, but due to the poor build for the match and the way the "e" treated it as the 3rd most important match on the card for the past month, you can hardly let it main event even though it was arguably a better match than the other two and more significant. In a case like that you are screwed at the PPV because you didn't have the foresight to figure out what you were gong to do at the PPV in the first place. Its like hooking up with the waitress that works at the restaurant you are having your girlfriend's surprise birthday party for. Uh…SURPRISE…you got crabs.
The Truth
The "Main Event" is the ultimate sign of respect and status in wrestling. It means that you not only have the confidence of the bookers and the people in charge to put on a good, compelling match, but it also means that you have truly arrived and become a top level performer in the company. There is also a certain responsibility and expectation when you are a main eventer, which may not always be met. While I'm not looking for the Main Event of every show to be a **** match, I am looking for it to either be the most significant of he show or at least the most memorable. I also expect it to be no worse than one of the best 3 matches on the card at the very least, otherwise why put it in a spot of prominence if you are not going to end the card on a high note?
While I'm okay with putting a match with a lesser quality in-ring performance on in the "Main Event" it has to be balanced out with a very strong under card that gets decent time. If you don't want to let any match go past 9 minutes, well then your Main Event better not only blow everyone away, but also give out "Happy Endings". Sometimes a good under-card can still make you feel good about the show even if the Main Event is disappointing and sometimes an amazing Main Event can make up for a lackluster under-card. It's like having a date go really well to the point where you've already made plans for next week, but when you lean in at the door she gives you "knuckles" instead. Or having a date go horrible to the point where starts text messaging her hook-up buddy during dessert, only for her to give you a hummer while you're in front of her apartment dropping her off. You don't need a perfect card, but if you can't find balance, you're more than likely going to end up at home spankin' it to "High School Musical".
I think more and more Indy companies are learning to try to stack the entire card because it is so hit and miss and you never know which match is going to steal the show. I think that's a good way to go and mitigates the chances of a bad or disappointing Main Event ruining the rest of the card. Then again, more often then not its hard to build those kind of Main Events into prominence due to the difficulty of booking the right talent and mix of big names. But such is the Indy circuit, its hit and miss, and you just gotta load up your shotgun with more bullets in case the first few shots miss. The "e" and "a" just seem to be aiming that gun at their foot most Sundays.
Coming Up Short
Save us 222. Much has been made of a 15 second spot on Monday Night RAW involving some matrix-y/Cyber coding type thing on the jumbo-tron. Everyone has pretty much bought into this being the return of Chris Jericho, aka the Ayatollah of Rock ‘n Rollah. While I could see that happening, let's not forget that Gail Kim also debuted with a similar intro video and vignette. This could also be a "Red Herring". Yes, it could actually be that old comedian from the 1950's who ended up doing guest spots on the ‘Andy Griffin Show'. Or not, I could be wrong. I actually think the Cyber Coding could also be a sign that Cibernetico may be jumping ship as well. Or at the very least it is proof that Tyler Black has hacked into WWE.com and will soon be taking over JR Blog and replacing his BBQ shills with emo messages about accepting Shannon Moore as the one true savior and buying tickets to the latest "My Chemical Romance" concert with your step father's credit card, which is cool because that pig doesn't love you anyways and you refuse to call him "Dad" and if ‘Carl' doesn't like that, he can just go to hell with the rest of his day trader buddies. Or… maybe it's Y2J afterall. Either/or, I applaud the WWE for taking a page out of RoH's play book and hyping up this kind of cryptic message soon enough for all the little Wrestling Geeks out there to jump on their computers, pull up Youtube and frantically try to decipher what this could all possibly mean. And if you are D-Dubya, you'll probably start breaking out your Jericho action figures again and bump the latest Fozzy CD till there is no tomorrow. But hey, this week isn't about coming up short. It's about coming up long, because the WWE should be commended on finally building up something for the fans to look forward to, if in fact it is Jericho's return that is being hinted at because for far too long we've gotten hype after hype for a wrestler that just didn't deliver, "Pain is my Pleasure", "Mordecai is coming", "flat buns, I like flat buns"….sorry, that last one wasn't the WWE, it's just that I love that commercial. Either way, congrats WWE on managing to stir up the hype machine again and get us geeks excited about a mid-carder all over again, hopefully the only thing coming up short this time around is Chris Jericho's Hollywood locks. He's a Sexy Beast, baby!!
6 Degrees of…
Do I even remember who won last week? Apparently they didn't remember either since no one sent in their pick. Well I'm going to go ahead and pick my own links. Starting with the man of the hour, the man who launched almost 2 million geeks towards their nearest Game Stop and had people lined up for literally a fully day before the release just to be one of the first to lay their grubby little paws on a copy of Halo 3. Master Chief!! Of course the man, myth, and legend of Master Chief deserves an equally impressive Chief to be linked to. Hence...Chief Jay Strongbow. Which maybe 15% of you out there remember, but none the less a real life certified Chief. In the way that John Cena got his Ph.D. in Thuganomics from Cal Tech. Or maybe it was Harvey Mudd, I'm not really up on those programs. Okay kids, there you go, one chief to another.
Whatchu talkin' bout readers?
Sforcina made a grave error when "he thought that entry was automatic" in the ‘King of 6DO' contest:
But yeah, I'm in.
Eloquently put Sforcina. But actually entry is not automatic because I would need to make sure that everyone participating really is going to participate. Otherwise I'd end up with like a dozen non-entries or so and people would pass the first or second round just based on no one else even putting in a submission. I hear that is how a certain small Indy fed owner/booker works. He books the matches for a card, gives them a call and leaves a message and if they don't call back saying they can't make it then he just assumes they're showing up. Crazy, its like Heyman on meth. Well that is the first official 411 staff entrant I wonder who else we'll dig up.
Hey B,
Count me in for your little 6 Degrees of... No Holds Barred Reverse
Battle Royal Chamber of Blood Tournament thingy.
D-Dubya.
There we have our 2nd 411 Staff entry for the tournament. I'd actually love to get a whole bracket of staff winners. I'm fairly sure we have at least 2 more staff who won at least one week, I'm pretty sure a Sports or Games guy won one week. Or I believe someone from the Porn zone. Oh…we don't have a Porn zone? Shit…you mean I've been beating off to the Political Zone for months now? Oh that Condoleezza Rice is a hot hot bitch.
6 Degrees Results
Who steals the top spot this week and the 3rd to last chance to become "King of 6DO" eligible? Find out below:
Manu Bumb didn't let an ECW "Hidden Highlight" go unnoticed last week:
"I guess no one else caught this, but during the opening segment on ECW while Tommy Dreamer was appealing to Stevie Richards , Stevie actually said, "You want to come on me?..."."
Dont worry, i spit out my beer when i heard him say that, and told my friends about that line.
OJ was in naked gun with leslie nielsen
Les searched for undertaker when he went missing the...first time?
undertaker wrestled hogan....lots of times, survivor series, tuesday in texas, and sometime after Hogan beat HHH for the unified title.
hogan faced kidman in a weak attempt to help get kidman over
kidman wrestled rey mysterio at some point in WCW
rey mysterio faced juvi at some other point in WCW....and in AAA on 3/16/96
m
Yeah, I wish I somehow could make that little sound byte my ring tone for certain people I know. Yes, you know who you are. If not…e-mail me and I'll tell you. I also believe Manu is Tourney eligible but it remains to be seen if he has the desire, drive, and 15 minutes of free time each week for the next four weeks to come up with an entry. We'll see…if he somehow manages to link Stevie to Dreamer besides by a thin string of ‘spunk' I'll be impressed.
Honorable Mention
Thomas Williams
As a past winner of the 6 Degrees Of... I would like to be in the tournament. I'm the southerner who connected Scott Stevens to Doink the Clown in the 4/05/07 edition. No, I didn't remember the day, I just looked it up in the archives.
I've been out of the game for a while so let me warm up.
OJ Simpson to Juventud Guerrera
Well, with so many injured or suspended superstars out these days, lets go with an injury theme.
1.Juvi recieved his release from the WWE following and incident with a 450 Splash that had previously injured Paul London.
2.Paul London was trained at the Texas Wrestling Academy, owned by one Shawn Michaels
3.Shawn Michaels was concussed at Judgement Day by Randy Orton
4.Randy Orton lost at Wrestlemania 21 to the Undertaker because of his injured shoulder.
5.During the summer of 1994, The Undertaker's dissapearance (which was because of a back injury) was being "investigated by Leslie Nielson
6.Leslie Nielson's was in The Naked Gun 2 1/2 with O.J. Simpson
A little "wrestling heavy" for my taste but still very solid. Consider yourself warmed.
#3
Louis Jones is trying to pad his ranking for the upcoming Ko6DO Tournament. Which is a pretty damn good idea actually:
Well, The Juice to the Juice eh? Well, just for kicks, I am giving a death theme to my submission... Going for extra points to get into the tournament with a great seed.
1) OJ Simpson (MURDERER) was in "Naked Gun 33 1/3" (the reason why writers of sequels should be EUTHENIZED) along with Fred Ward.
2) Fred Ward was in "Chain Reaction" with Keanu Reeves (an actor that makes me want to KILL myself).
3) Keanu was in "The Devil's Advocate" with Jeffrey Jones (an actor that I thought was already PASSED ON).
4) Jeffrey Jones was in "Howard the Duck" (the reason George Lucas should be SHOT) with Leah Thompson.
5) Lea Thompson was in "Celebrity Duets" (Career SUICIDE) with Chris Jericho.
6) Chris Jericho feuded over the Cruiserweight Title (A DEAD belt) with Juvi Gurrera.
Oh, and for the tournament, you should name the 4 divisions after some hot chicks. Either divas or hot Asian women. Either way it is all good.
Duly Louis, I'll see about trying to stick you in the Gail Kim or Nitro Girl Chae division.
#2
Chen Arbel
Yo,
So... I neglected my winner's right of picking a link a couple of weeks ago, but... I don't really remember what happened. If a spot's still available, though, I'd like to try my hand at the 6DO King of Kings, as I do recall at least 3 6DO wins to my name, including that last one.
Anyhow, lets get the ball rolling on a possible number 4:
1. OJ Simpson was featured in every movie of the Naked Gun trilogy, starring Leslie Nielsen.
2. Nielsen (I could've so gone the easier route with Summerslam 94, eh?) played Papouli the Greek grandfather in Full House, starring Bob Saget.
3. Saget is the commissioner of CHIKARA Pro, founded by "Lightning" Mike Quackenbush.
4. Quack's nickname is a homage to the greatest lightweight wrestler who ever lived, Jushin "Thunder" Liger.
5. New Japan once brought in an "Anti-Liger" called Super Liger, mirroring their Tiger Mask-Black Tiger feuds. The man under the mask? Your party host, Chris Jericho.
6. In WCW, The "Man of 1004" (#3: ARM-bar) was the one to unmask Juvi.
Onwards and upwards~!,
Chen.
Damn solid, Quack to Liger was great and who doesn't love ‘Rollin' wit Saget'? Consider yourself entered in the tourney Chen and this week's effort might have knocked you up a few seeds.
#1.
This week's winner is from an unlikely candidate as we have somewhat of a mini-celeb enter this week and turn in a very controversial submission:
Bayani --
Saw this week's challenge and couldn't resist. Here's a special ALL-CRIMINAL edition for this week's 6 Degrees:
1) Wrestler-turned-criminal Juventud's WWE tenure was limited to bouts aired on Friday Night Smackdown.
2) Reports indicate that "Friday Night Wrestling" was a favorite program of Virginia Tech shooter Seung-Hui Cho.
3) Virginia Tech is the "proud" alma mater of pro-footballer-turned-dog-brawler Mike Vick.
4) Mike Vick played for the NFL's Falcons, which make their home in Atlanta .
5) Atlanta was also the home of pro-wrestler-turned-psychopath Chris Benoit.
6) Chris Benoit killed his wife. So did O.J. Simpson.
- Meehan
Yeah, color me surprised but I didn't think Meehan had it in him. Then again, ever since he dropped that "Positively Meehan" gimmick a while back he's gotten so much edgier. He's like an HBO series now, but without the booze and hookers. Okay, without the booze. Plus, that last link was pretty simple and dead on. Pardon the pun. Well Meehan is now tournament eligible if he so wants the spot and he also gets to nominate a link for next week which is the 2nd to last chance to gain entry into the illustrious Ko6D tournament. Yeah, I know I keep changing the acronym…sue me.
Left Overs…
Randy got hitched over the weekend to his fiancé, hence missing RAW. Well that is great news to hear, it looks Orton is finally settling down but I wonder how long it will be until Randy gets tired of waking and shitting in the bag of the same woman day after day.
I knew that Melina was after Hornswoggles' lucky charms. Green clovers, red hearts, blue balls.
TNA talent auditions are coming up next month so now is your chance to try out for Terry Taylor and show TNA exactly what you have got…which better be $250. I'm hoping that Chris Nowinski tries out because he would be a vast improvement over Ron Killings as a tag team partner for Pacman Jones. He kind of already shares the same gimmick with Pacman as is. "Okay, I can't technically wrestle or…let another wrestler physically touch me…but I CAN get in the ring…and maybe say some big words. How about a sparkly shirt now?"
Teddy Long is now in a semi-comatose state after being hit out of no where with a Heart Attack. Jim Neidhart and Bret Hart are of course being questioned as the prime suspects.
Maybe it's ‘petty' of me to point out that after this year's BoLA, the TPI looks kind of weak. Partially the IWA:MS's fault and partially bad luck but all TNA wrestlers have been pulled along with El Generico due to injury, B-Boy due to an upcoming retirement, Matt Sydal reporting to OVW, and Tony Kozina due to no one knowing who the hell he is. As a show of good faith CHIKARA has offered to supply a few replacements including a choice of any 2 ants, one Ice Cream, and Bob Saget.
The WWE is now offering former employees help with the cost of drug and alcohol rehabilitation. Which is fine and well for those suffering from addictions to dope and booze but what about guys like Greg Valentine or Tatanka who are suffering from an addiction to "cream filling". Betty Ford clinic? Try Betty Crocker clinic.
Jigsaw is part of Jack Evan's Vulture Squad now and it just boggles the mind to think about how he is going to fit in with Ruckus and Julius Smokes. You got a Rottweiler, a BLK OUT charter member, and … a masked, mute, white guy. I'm not sure if he's going to change his threads but he has to do something to "keep it real". My guess is he'll officially change his name next weekend to Jigga. HOLLA!!
So let me get this straight, Hagadorn is being billed as accompanying the Hangmen 3 of Pearce, Whitmer, and Albright, but isn't officially part of the group? Or maybe he is. Damn that sucks, cuz' it's the Hangmen 3…not 4 so he can't even really join. That officially makes him a valet now you know. I'm just waiting for him to be forced by Pearce to jump up on the apron and flash his bare chest to distract Nigel McGuinness now.
People are calling Mark Briscoe and idiot for getting into another Motorcycle accident last week and injuring his foot...I can't believe you people. So what if he almost died a few years back after another accident. The man has suffered enough, his brother got beaten and strung up by some emo kids, he nearly killed himself wrestling Canadians and Mexi-nadians in a ladder match, he has no front teeth...*Sobs* LEAVE HIM ALONE...*SOBS*....leave Mark ALONE...*SOBS*...
Kevin Thorne and his wife recently welcomed their first child into the world this week. Anyone else get the urge to sing "Bat in the Cradle"?
Diva Search "Whore-testants " played limbo…in there bikinis of course. How low can you go, how low can you go? This segment really announced that age old question didn't it.
Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week
Her C-cups runneth over.
I wasn't sure if I read it right, but did the Highlanders offer the Redneck Express a "Kilt on a pole" match, or a "Pole in a kilt" match? Something tells me Pat Patterson has a hand in this…literally.
Okay, maybe it's just me, but does anyone else ever think about Chris Benoit when they hear that new single out by J. Holliday? Just wondering.
Pimpin' In High Places
411 has been literally busting at the seems with new talent lately and well we don't have a health plan here so we really can't afford that kind of major surgery. Someone go get the duct tape. Btw, where the hell is my banner already?:
Ask 411 answers the age old question, "how much DO the Bengals suck?". The answer may surprise you...unless of course you've been watching football in the past 20 years. Go Seahawks!!
Small has some news, some notes, and some non-sense. Also something about Vampire Pornography. Which kind of worries me as I picture it involving women gettin' down while their "aunt's in town". Disturbing, I know.
A-Mat gets some TP in the I. Which is totally an infringement on Jimmy Rave's gimmick, but since he's in TNA now, no one ever knows who the hell he is anymore so it's all good.
It's gettin' Haught in here. Please keep on all your clothes.
Newbie Will Bumgarner asks "What were they thinking?" this week. Wait...Bum...Garner...doesn't that mean to obtain ass? Yeah, not while you're working here buddy boy. Unless you count JT.
Csonka puts TNA on notice this week as he says they are out of excuses now. My favorite was always, "my dog ate my Samoa Joe Title Shot".
CoH had it's annual Yom Kippur edition this year. From what I know about the Jewish Culture it has something to do with not eating for a day. Big deal, Torrie Wilson does that every freakin' week and she's not even a Jew.
HH this week featured Randle playing Tomko to JP's Christian. No I don't know who AJ is supposed to be, but somehow I think this makes one of the "Fink" guys Rikishi.
Sammy features Claudio against Steen this week. If it's a wrestling contest I give the edge to Dub-C, but if it's a hot dog eating contest....
D-Dubya has been literally sleepin' at night swaddled in his old Y2J t-shirts and listening to his theme music surrounded by candles. So if it ain't Jericho coming back then someone is going to have to go over to his place the night after Cyber Sunday and eat a gallon of ice cream and cookie dough with him while listening to "Fall Out Boy" and holding him. I call "not it".
Official TBT "King of 6 Degrees" Tournament Participants:
Mark Satrang, Louis Jones, Double C, Luke Southworth, Brian Eyer, Greg Pryor, Chen Arbel, Thomas Williams, Matthew Sforcina, and Daniel Wilcox.
That means 10 spots are claimed and 6 are left to go. I might actually save a wild card spot if we end up with 15 in the next two weeks. Not sure who I'd give it to but I'm sure I could find a worthy contestant.
By the way, in case you guys are too lazy to remember if you won or not this year, here are the names of the past winners in 2007 who are Tournament eligible, not including 2006 winners (too lazy to go back that far, but still tourney eligible if you won in '06):
Seth Gordon, Dave Dunn, Greg Walden, Ian Bryant, Ray Church, Vincent Chiucchi, ‘Jihad', Christopher Tighe, Mark Craig, Doug Csikos, and MADMEX.
So there are still some peeps out there who are either too chicken to step up to the plate, or…just stopped reading my shit. Wow…that just sucks. Too bad, I was hoping for a MADMEX vs Jihad show down. It's like a Daivari/Juvi match…on Heat. Well you kids have two more weeks before all entries are closed and the tournament will begin so make sure to claim your spot or send in your entries and try to sneak in a win under the gun. Also, cash bribes also work, I just read over my "New Hire" guide and apparently my "real" and "paying" job doesn't allow it, but here at TBT we're an UEOE corporation; "Unethical Opportune Employer". Word!!
