Cut To The Crap 10.11.07: Gillberg, JR The Heel & A Real Man's Man
Posted by Magnus Donaldson on 10.12.2007
This week featuring Gillberg and Bluedust, Jim Ross turns heel a second time and Steven Regal: A Real Man's Man.
Welcome to the Fourth edition of Cut To The Crap, the weekly look at pro wrestling most horrible moments, matches, gimmicks, angles, interviews and just about everything else.
All feedback has been looked at, and I again appreciate all the comments that I have received. Please keep them coming, as they help me to try and improve this column for the better by cutting out those things that I'm doing wrong (although there's probably no difference from any of the previous column's).
I did a little research on The Headbangers, and it turns out that, according to my research, The Headbangers never actually had a blowoff match with the New Age Outlaws. However, they did wrestle them back in early 1998 a few times long before the 'proper feud' started.
So let's not waste any more time and instead let's Cut To The Crap-
Crappy Moment Number One: The WWF's answer to Goldberg: Gillberg
As we all remember, whenever WCW comes up with something special, the WWF loves to parody it witlessly. Remember when WCW came up with the NWO, and the WWF's answer was Billionaire Ted. Well, when WCW came up with their latest big draw, Goldberg, the WWF decided that they would do the same again. This time they came up with the man called Gillberg.
Gillberg is what you could call the mini version of Goldberg, played by ex-jobber Duane Gill (now do you see where the name comes from). He has exactly the same attire and look, the problem is that he's small and very thin.
To be fair, the guy was actually fairly over, as was evident with a match against Goldust (you'll see why I'm using this match as an example later on). Goldust comes out where he is presented with some blue roses (more on this later).
Gillberg is lead to the ring by his security force, psyching himself up Goldberg style (well, if you call patting yourself on the head and throwing your arms around weakly psyching yourself up that is). Michael Cole reminds us of that eternal question: Who's First? (do you see the wordplay there: Goldberg says Who's Next, but Gillberg hasn't won yet so says Who's First. Very witty).
As he comes out to the ring, we can hear chants of Gillberg (painfully obviously dubbed in). And how about his amazing pyro sequence. Why, two sparklers and a fire extinguisher that seems to ruin Gillberg's 'grand entrance'. The WWF surely weren't that cash strapped not to give him a proper pyro, come on.
Gillberg starts by going for the Spear, thrown off by Goldust. Goldust then pretty much squashes Gillberg, but before he can go for the finish, a Bluedust message comes up on the pyro, and we see this character back in the locker room covered in blue paint. For those who don't remember, Bluedust was The Blue Meanie. This distraction allowed Gillberg to get the rollup for three. Goldust was first.
Goldust throws him into the corner, then gives him Shattered Dreams, but before he can finish the job, the lights go out and we see some blue lights (as Goldust continue to kill Gillberg). When the lights come back on, not only has Gillberg mysteriously vanished, but Goldust is covered in blue paint. The obvious joke of Goldust getting a 'bluebath' was used to death here.
Ok, so I didn't mention a lot about Gillberg, but he was a fun little character although an unfunny rip-off by the WWF once again. Gillberg of course vanished off our screen not too long after this with the Light Heavyweight belt in his possession. The WWF forgot to get the belt back (yes, you read that correctly, they forgot they had a Light heavyweight belt) until a year or so later so they could put it on Essa Rios. Gillberg however mad a re-appearance in 2003, where we finally saw the dream match of Goldberg vs Gillberg. Well, it wasn't much of a match though as it was basically Goldberg squashing him.
I couldn't find a clip of the match in question, but here's a link to his entrance from the No Mercy PPV, as well as his re-appearance in 2003-
There we have Crappy Moment Number One. Now let's cover Crappy Moment Number Two-
Crappy Moment Number Two: Jim Ross returns to Raw a heel...again
Jim Ross is a legend as an announcer in the wrestling business. However, in 1998, he suffered from Bell's Palsy and his mother also died, so he took some much deserved time off. However, Vince Russo, the genius that he is, decided that it would be brilliant to have JR come back as a heel. The problem is, the first time they tried that it didn't work, since JR is just one of those people that commands respect and few casual fans could draw themselves to boo him.
His return begins by talking to WWF superstars like Mankind and Al Snow backstage before heading to the ring for a promo. The first signs that something wrong is when Michael Cole says "Some people believe that he's coming back a bit too soon.". That is always the number one sign that he's not coming back in his usual role.
Jim Ross comes down to the ring, and it seems to me, and I don't want to sound disrespectful, that he has been told to deliberately make his face look worse than it is. And he is here to interview the Brawl For All winner Bart Gunn (I will cover than someday), who was attacked by a masked man last week when facing Hardcore Holly for the Hardcore Title. Can you see what's about to happen yet? If not, then read on.
Now when asked about Butterbean, Bart Gunn says he plan to knock him out, then JR says he has trouble looking him in the face due to his condition, and then goes on what should have been a heel tirade about how Bart Gunn should feel about nobody being able to look at him and that he wasn't allowed back to work to do his job, and how he knocked out JR's 'boy' Steve Williams. Then JR demands some respect (and the fans cheer big time), and slaps Bart Gunn in the face, before Steve Williams comes out and attacks him with a German Suplex.
The problem here is, not one fan in the arena booed JR the entire time, and when he leaves and signals to the crowd, he got another huge cheer.
To the next week, and JR again comes out, this time to explain himself as well as talk to Michael Cole. Michael Cole goes to the ring, and JR is interviewed, where Michael asks him what in the shopping bag he took to the ring. That's not the question I would have asked first: I'd probably have logically asked why he did what he did the previous week. But hey, I'm not the man asking the questions.
JR apparently then takes out a set of Japanese clothing and a mask that kayfabe wise were supposed to be the gimmick for Steve Williams, which JR then tears apart (the gimmick, not the clothes). Jr then tells Michael that he got no thanks from him for all the help he's given him (in a promo that seemed very reminiscent of a Steve Austin one. Looks like JR been getting advice from him), and said that Michael Cole didn't want him back since his face would scare small children and animals. So to show his appreciation, JR kicks him in the balls and takes his position at ringside. And the fans love it and chant his name.
Vince McMahon decides the best course of action is to get Terry Taylor to get JR out of there and replace him. As terry tries to get him to leave, as the fan chant JR's name, JR calls him the Rooster and asks if he's "going to peck him to death.". Steve Williams comes out to help him to the back, and the fans clearly boo since they love JR.
And to end things, we have a segment on Heat with Tiger Ali Singh (oh no, not another crappy gimmick). Tiger Ali wants a fan to come to the ring and do an impression of JR for $500. The fan, obviously a plant since no ordinary fan could do a good JR impression, does him impression, failing to realise that Steve Williams and JR are heading to the ring. Steve Williams kills the fan with a German Suplex, before giving Tiger Ali Singh a Doctor Bomb, and the fans love it.
And well, there wasn't much more to this. JR very quickly returned to his announcing duties and has remained there for the most part, barring a small spell where he was replaced by Joey Styles.
I don't have a clip of this unfortunately. However, I do have a clip of the first attempt to turn JR heel from 1996, which ties in with another WWF parody of WCW: the Fake Diesel and Fake Razor Ramon.
And now we move on to our final crappy item of the week.
Crappy Moment Number Three: Steven Regal: A Real Man's Man
Steven Regal was new to the WWF, having wrestled in WCW previously where he played a stuck up British stereotypical character, and had a lot of success. However, in the WWF, that wasn't good enough (yet), so they came up with another great idea: A Real Man's Man.
So Regal was seen in some vignettes doing very manly things, like cutting down trees, mixing up some cement, drinking fresh orange juice, shaving with a knife (without sensitive skin foaming gel, whatever that is. He was still using shaving foam so he can't be that tough), and, erm, using a digger to dig up some earth (because if he really was a real man's man he wouldn't need the machine). Not to mention that they suggested that he used the machine to move mountains. Impossible.
it strikes me as odd as to why this hard working class man would be a heel to begin with, but apparently it's because he think's he's better than everyone else due to his ruggedness. Or something like that, I don't know what Vince Russo's logic behind this was.
He makes his debut coming to the ring in a builders hat, jacket and jeans, and Jim Cornette instantly breaks kayfabe by telling us about his English background. Regal challenges anyone who thinks they are tougher than a 'Real Man's Man' to try and knock his hat off of his head, a signal of blue collar excellence. Again, I wonder about why this makes him a heel since most WWF fans are probably working class anyway, so they really should be cheering him.
His challenge is met by Bradshaw, who beats him up for a while (in unspectacular fashion). Regal then comes back with his usual style of European wrestling, before defeating him with the Regalplex.
We didn't see much more of the Real man's Man, but we did see a lot more of Regal, as he returned as William Regal in his upper clash English snob character, and still remains with the WWE to this day, entertaining as ever.
Here's one of the brief vignettes-
And now that the crap has been scooped up we can look at some ROH-related thoughts to round off the column.
My Thoughts
So Nigel McGuinness is the new ROH champion. While the title change apparently was not as spectacular as first thought, it's nice to have a new champion in place. Nigel is someone who can have a good match with whoever he challenges, and I can see him having some classic title defenses. I don't know how long he will hold the strap for, but a half year reign would do nicely. I'm thinking it'll either be Bryan Danielson or Austin Aries who end up taking the strap, but new stars are climbing the card, and I wouldn't be surprised to see the belt on Claudio Castagnoli, Chris Hero or Kevin Steen, maybe even El Generico as an underdog champion. Although ROH doesn't seem to like giving babyfaces long title reigns so it could end up being that McGuinness transitions the belt to someone else. But I think that's unlikely.
I'm also glad to hear Jigsaw had a great match with Claudio Castagnoli this weekend, as well as shining in the six man tag on the previous night. Maybe that will shut up the people who hated his involvement with the group, as I always knew Jigsaw could fit the mold of the Vulture Squad.
Anyway, thanks for reading this week's column, and I hope you enjoyed it. Next week I will be looking at three more crappy wrestling moments, including a weird ICP-Oddities video, Brian Pillman threatening to shoot Steve Austin and, at long last, the arrival of The Shockmaster. See you all next week.
