Pro Wrestling Pundit 10.24.07: Why We Watch…

I distinctly remember the beginning of my relationship with professional wrestling. I was taking advantage of the opportunity that having a babysitter gives you. Long past my bedtime, I was sitting on the couch in my pajamas. With a tootsie pop in my mouth, I flipped the channel to Saturday Night’s Main Event. I saw Hulk Hogan and Randy “Macho Man” Savage and it was as if He-Man had become real. The fuse was ignited that night that would eventually make the MegaPowers explode at that year’s WrestleMania. During a match with the Twin Towers, Savage was tossed violently into Elizabeth. Hogan went to the back to help her, leaving Savage alone to face Akeem and the Bossman. I thought back then that if I only had a few minutes with Hogan and Savage I could help them squash their beef. Twenty years later, I still feel that way.

Sooner than later I found the National Wrestling Alliance/World Championship Wrestling on TV. I remember being amazed watching an I Quit match between Terry Funk and Ric Flair on free TV at the Clash of the Champions.

I loved the main events, but I always had an eye towards the midcard. It always seemed to be the case that I would find a cool heel to enjoy just up until they turned him babyface and the whole world loved him. Examples of this were Shawn Michaels and The Rock. About the only heel that didn’t lose something when he became top mainstream babyface was John Cena, and that’s cause half the fans still hated him always.

There is something special about feeling ownership of a wrestler, and I’d argue that that is why we watch. Remembering Bret Hart’s days in the Hart Foundation or Steve Austin’s days in the Dangerous Alliance make it that much sweeter when they meet as major stars at WrestleMania 13.

Today I look at Shelton Benjamin and Elijah Burke with the same anticipation I have previously looked at Brian Pillman, Randy Orton, Buff Bagwell, and Droz with. Of course sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn’t.

Still, it’s hard not to be cynical when you can think fondly on the old days and imagine Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Randy Savage, Sting, The Ultimate Warrior, Rick Rude, Vader, Jake Roberts, Arn Anderson, Ted Dibiase, and others at their peak.

It’s also difficult to remember tag teams like Demolition, the Road Warriors, The Rockers, Doom, The Skyscrapers, the Midnight Express, and so many more and not long for them.

Even the days when WCCW, USWA, or GWF would come on ESPN on Wednesday afternoons bring some nostalgia.

By comparison when you compare today’s wrestling atmosphere to all the memories of the past 20 years, it just doesn’t compare. Still, we watch…

We watch because we are waiting for the next big breakthrough. Will it be Mr. Kennedy? Will it be Jeff Hardy? Will it be at Cyber Sunday? Only time will tell.

We watch because some of those larger than life characters we remember are still around like the Undertaker and Shawn Michaels, and they have been intertwined with those we’ve learned to care about in the meantime like Edge, Triple H, and Rey Mysterio.

We watch because even though we aren’t likely to see a big interesting defection the way we did during the old WCW/WWE days, we can still mark out months after waiting for Chris Jericho to return on TV, because that moment when he does will undoubtedly be incredible.

We watch because Cody Rhodes and DH Hart keep us grounded and remind us where we came from. We watch because new generation stars like AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels show us where we are going.

We watch because every week Jay Lethal or Santino Marella is going to do that little something extra that makes us smile.

No matter how disillusioned we get with what wrestling is and no matter how much better we think it could be, we watch.

Now I am certainly not going to sit in any bleachers and cry that it’s still real to me, damnit. I am not sure that it ever was real to me. It was larger than life.

A few weeks ago I sat at a local Indy show in the bleachers about to cry because the first half of the show was incredibly bad. It picked up though, and by the end I felt I had gotten my money’s worth.

In a time where the most newsworthy wrestling happenings involved Candice Michelle falling on her face, I struggle to write, but I refuse to just dump on the product.

Is it easy to come up with anti-WWE and anti-TNA banter? Of course. Right now I probably like wrestling less than I have at any point in the past 20 years, but still I watch. Well, ok, last night I didn’t watch. I went grocery shopping with my girlfriend instead.

Professional wrestling seems to have cast a weird spell over thousands. It’s one that those who aren’t under will never understand. Those of use who are don’t even get it sometimes.

Maybe I will never get the wrestling show I wish for until I get to heaven. I assume that at 25 years old, by the time I get there all my favorites will be there with me.

At the beginning of this year, when Scott “Bam Bam” Bigelow passed, I wrote the following. Unfortunately, we’ve lost more since then, but the sentiment remains the same:

“If you believe in forever,
then life is just a one-night stand.
If there’s a rock and roll heaven,
well you know they’ve got a hell of a band.”

It was 1974 when the previously broken up Righteous Brothers reunited to record this anthem in memory of their fallen peers.

Jim Croce, Jimi Hendrix, Janice Joplin and Otis Redding are a few of the artists who receive special mention.

With the recent passing of Scott “Bam Bam” Bigelow, I am called once again to reflect on the large number of professional wrestling superstars who I have grown up watching that have been taken from us too soon. I cannot help but think that if there is a hell of a band playing out there somewhere, there must also be one hell of a wrestling promotion too.

Imagine, if you will, your commentators Gorilla Monsoon and Gordon Solie welcoming you to the program. Your referees are Pee Wee Anderson, Mark Curtis, and Joey Marella.

It is sure to be a star-studded event, as the list of talent is seemingly endless. Perhaps, it is announced that the main event will be a showdown among two of the greatest wrestling families of all time as the Von Erichs’, comprised of Kerry, David, Mike, and Chris will be accompanied by Fritz to take on the Hart Foundation, comprised of Owen Hart, Dean Hart, “British Bulldog” Davey Boy Smith, and Brian Pillman accompanied by Stu Hart.

The heavyweight title picture is very interesting. Former AWA Champion “Mr. Perfect” Curt Hennig might be taking on his good friend and former WCW International Champion “Ravishing” Rick Rude. Right in the middle of the title hunt would former NWA World Champions Kerry Von Erich, Chris Candido, and Shinya Hashimoto, Former WWE World Champions Yokozuna, Andre the Giant, and Eddie Guerrero and former ECW World Champion “Bam Bam” Bigelow, among others.

A special monster of the ring tournament could be announced. First round matches see Andre the Giant taking on his old nemesis Big John Studd and Yokozuna battling Earthquake. Pride and honor beckon these larger than life superstars.

The tag team division would be able to thrive. Maybe you could see the team of Eddie Guerrero and Art Barr, known as Los Gringos Locos in action as they take on “Flyboy” Rocco Rock and Johnny Grunge, the Public Enemy or Gino Hernandez and “Gentleman” Chris Adams reunite to take on Chris Candido and Louie Spicolli. Earthquake and Dino Bravo, the Hart Foundation, and the Von Erichs are just some options to round out the full tag team roster.

If your style is more extreme or hardcore, this is the place to see some of the stiffest most brutal wrestlers of all time. Perhaps you could see a rematch of the battle of the Bam Bam’s as Bam Bam Bigelow takes on Terry “Bam Bam” Gordy. Maybe all hell breaks lose when Shinya Hashimoto wrestles the incomparable Bruiser Brody. Maybe old school greats like the Sheik, Dick Murdoch, or “Hotstuff” Eddie Gilbert get involved.

There are so many possibilities when you think of some of the greatest names in the sport being able to square off. Possibly Road Warrior Hawk has a score to settle when he meets up with former Legion of Doom stable mate Buzz Sawyer. What would happen when two strongmen collide like Hercules and Dino Bravo? What about if two dogs collide with fan favorite, Junkyard Dog taking on Moondog Spot. Who knows, maybe even Sky-Low-Low and Little Beaver will get into the action. Wrestlers like The Big Bossman, Adrian Adonis, Gary Albright, Jay Youngblood, and “Pistol” Pez Whatley could have a great deal to contribute to the wrestling business as road agents if they were still with us. Perhaps in heaven, they are stealing the show.

There is even some room to create some of the stars of the future. Who knows what would have been had wrestlers like The Wall, Pitbull #2,Crash Holly, Russ Haas, the Renegade, Bobby Duncum Jr., and Big Dick Dudley had more time here on earth. Perhaps they could be the biggest superstars on the other side.

There is even a great deal of popular wrestling personalities to invigorate storylines. Jealous rifts over the lovely Miss Elizabeth or a long feud with the incomparable Andy Kaufmann are just two possibilities. Sweet Sapphire, The Grand Wizard, “Classy” Freddie Blassie, Johnny Valentine, Lord Alfred Hayes and Bertha Faye are some additional ways to liven up a wrestler or angle.

This doesn’t even touch upon previous generations who have gone before: Frank Gotch, Stanislaus Zbyszko, “Mr. Wrestling” Tim Woods, Lou Thesz, Ray “Crippler” Stevens, Stan “The Man” Stasiak, El Santo, “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers, Antonino Rocca, Rikidozan, Bob Orton Sr., Pat O’ Conner, Bronko Nagurski, William Muldoon, Wahoo McDaniel, Hiro Matsuda, “High Chief” Peter Miavia, George Hackenschmidt, Gory Guerrero, Eddie Graham, Gorgeous George, Dory Funk Sr., Dick the Bruiser, Mike Dibiase, Haystacks Calhoun, Bobo Brasil, Giant Baba, Mr. Togo, and Prof. Tanaka are just a sample of deceased professional wrestlers who have passed who left an incredible legacy in the business. Perhaps in heaven they are in their prime and ready for action.

If indeed, there is a wrestling heaven, when it is my time to go, after I greet my family and friends, I hope to find my way to the grandstand for an incredible night of professional wrestling, because they sure do have a hell of a band.

Rest In Peace to all the former warriors of the squared circle. Your contributions are why we are here today. You are fondly remembered and greatly missed.

The Outcast, the Legend, the Wolf is back for another opinionated commentary:

When I first read the teaser to your current column, I thought that Vince had fired the fans again, but then I wondered, how can you fire someone that you haven’t paid, have constantly berated for being wrong, whom you’ve constantly given one thing when they’ve been asking for something completely different, who have seen your ass more times than they’ve seen Jenna Haze’s (and seeing as most of the core fans are teenage boys with internet service, that’s a lot of times!) and with everything that you’ve done they keep coming back for more as if the cookies on this side of the fence are better.

But since the column isn’t about US getting fired, I’ll talk about the guys that you mention while I keep checking the mail box for that check from Vince (hell, with all the ideas that he’s stolen from the internet, I’m shocked that he hasn’t sent out a check, and that he keeps shutting down e-feds. they’re a gold mine to him!)

Seeing Teddy Hart get the axe is SOOOOOOOOOOO Shocking to me (did I lay on the sarcasm enough? Ya think so? Ok, moving on) why do people keep signing this guy? (quick check on the last name and ok, I guess we know!) Ya think if Kid Kash were Kid Hart that he’d get that many chances? Exactly. I say, let the guy rot in the independents until he gets his desire, energy, and a respect for the business that he is riding the coattails of. If he ever grows up and stops using his name as a springboard then things might turn up better. If he does not, then he’ll be the worst Hart ever (Including Bruce. C’mon, he might have been all right in the ring, but he had the personality of a cheese-it!).

To Ryan O’Reilly and Krissy Vaine I have this to say: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! You two are the dumbest mutha f*ckas on the planet! You wait until you get called up to leave the company? If you two are really in love, suck it up (once again this is a FAMILY show, so minds out of the gutter) and deal with it. You obviously don’t care about the business if you are ready to leave the biggest company around so that you can be close to each other. Hell, one Sunday a month you’ll be in the same building, and that right there is more than I see my wife sometimes AND WE LIVE TOGETHER! Go to TNA where you’ll be two more people who don’t get any face time and wonder why you chose love over the passion for the business that brought you both together. See what happens if you two don’t last. You won’t get another chance that easily!

As far as Daivari is concerned, the guy lasted longer than I ever expected one they bailed out on the whole Hassan thing (although if they put them on Raw and run with it, they would’ve been KILLER heels) he had a decent run, made what I’m sure is a decent amount of money and I’m sure had a blast for the most part living his dream (unlike Hollywood Hassan who seemed to only want fame!) Good Luck to him, although he’ll need a little bit of a gimmick change.

Now for the release you’ve all been waiting for me to comment on, King BOOKA And Queen Sharmell! For someone who gave everything he had for the last zillion years or so, did everything that he was asked since he’s been apart of the WWEmpire, they treated him like crap the entire time, and he didn’t deserve it! Should he get a title run on his way out of the door? No, but a nice send off would be better than “The WWE has come to terms with…” It’s insulting to him and anyone who is a fan of his. But then again, something tells me that if Shane pissed off Vince enough (We all know that Steph couldn’t possibly piss him off, so it’ll have to be Shane) then the only thing we’d see is “The WWE has come to terms with the contractual release of one Shane O’ Mac. We wish him well in all future endeavors.” All kidding aside, if Book wasn’t so closely linked to WCW his send off would be much more celebrated, no matter what. Just look at how many times Hogan’s gotten the warm send off, and Vince HATES him now! Not that Book was ever at Hogan or Flair levels, but you get the idea. All in all, I hope that TNA gives him a short, midcard send off for a couple of months, and he beats someone like Christian Cage or Scott Steiner in his “final” “big two/three/four” match.

Then again, knowing TNA, they’ll sign him and (Points thumbs at himself) R…V…D! And recreate the most misused and misguided tag teams in the history of wrestling. RVD and Booker should’ve never been a team. That’s almost as dumb as X-Pac and Kane!

I agree Wolf. X-Pac and Kane were a horrible tag team. Here, watch the greatest tag team of all time in the match that made me a wrestling fan.

TIM HAUGHT IS THE PRO WRESTLING PUNDIT PWP I DON’T BREAK NEWS, I MAKE NEWS PWP CREATING CONTROVERSY SINCE DAY ONE PWP BALANCED AS I WANNA BE PWP THEY REPORT, I DECIDE