Your Viral Dose of Reality 10.30.07: Lost and Confused
Posted by Jarrod Westerfeld on 10.30.2007
Another week without a clue of what’s going on in the wrestling world, and another week without the conclusion to the Heyman article, results in more random banter.
Well, another week of work on the Heyman article, and I'm still looking at a lot more work required before it can see the light of day – so this is another random week, unfortunately for us all.
I've kind of worked so hard on the Heyman article that I've kind of worked myself into a blind frenzy as I haven't a clue what's going on at the moment in the wrestling world – but I've certainly had the time to catch up on my South Park viewing, as well as spend hours away on my Xbox 360, killing ‘n00bs' and killing myself over every mistake in Hexic [HD]. Yup, I'm living the sweet life of a procrastinator who forgets he sometimes has to write for this site, or lose out on a big opportunity.
Thus far, I have only caught up with the most recent episode of Raw, which was the October 22nd edition, and all I could think of was how painful it was going to be to play catch up with nearly 5 whole weeks of this jank, as Triple H continues to make Umaga, a monster character they were finally starting to get right, look like some joke whom, much like Carlito, doesn't belong in a WWE ring. Amazing how the fuck that all works out – and to top off this painful list, I still have to catch up with the poorly reviewed and received No Mercy, which from the sounds of things lacked mercy for the fans.
Heaven help me, the amount of shit I have to catch up with is staggering: No Way Out, Hard Justice, Slammiversary, Judgment Day. Why don't I just put a bullet through my brain now and call it a ‘successful' life and be done with it all?
Mitsuharu Misawa arrives in New York, November 3rd
Oh…right, that's why.
This is a big deal to a lot of wrestling fans, especially those in the New York and Philadelphia areas where he has been advertised to show up at under the Ring of Honor banner – a move that is sure to be another step in NOAH's ambitions to take on the ‘dreaded' American tour they've been rumored to want to venture off into for the past 2 years. Sure some of those talks have died down – a lot – but there's still that hope that one day, while Ring of Honor is out of your town, assuming it was ever in your town to begin with, Pro Wrestling NOAH will gladly roll through your city for that weekend, instead. That, to me, sounds like more than a fair trade-off.
So seeing as this is yet another random week, let's get random:
WWE's Playboy Playmate Search?
Thank God most of the Diva Search segments have been left only on the inferior show that is WWE's Monday Night Raw epic mount of shit, because if it clogged up the time of ECW, that show's great booking and strong usage of its roster just wouldn't be able to survive the time consuming bullshit that is the WWE Hooker Star Search, hosted by our own Ed McMahon, Todd Grisham.
I swear to Christ, these Diva Searches are getting to be more and more porn like with each new competition, and somehow, the WWE's fan base is so brain washed that they believe this is still a family based product. First off, I apologize – WWE fan base having a brain? Whatever was I thinking making the mistake of assuming that 90% of those fans have a brain to begin with? Secondly, what's family friendly about suggestive ‘police' interrogations with an under sexed Todd Pettengill clone?! And there I go again making another bland assumption – who ever said Todd Pettengill was ever sexed up in the first place? Thus, Pettengill and Grisham are exactly the same – utterly fucking useless.
Sitting through this Diva Search, you know who the clear favorite is, and who the WWE wants to remain in the competition – the sad part is, there are actual losers out there who have wasted their time, energy and money voting in these proceedings, and for what? A chance to potentially see another lame duck whore who struts around a wrestling ring and calls herself by a title that Aretha Franklin actually worked at to obtain, ‘grace' the covers of yet another bland looking Playboy cover? Sorry, but while you young-ins are still stroking it to Hugh's ‘art' sheets, the rest of us have figured out how to score feature length porn videos via torrents.
Who the fuck does this satisfy in the long haul? The Diva Search has produced more lame chicks into this entertainment business than Bob Barker's morning gig and Baywatch combined! I've seen more talent crawl out of Ring of Honor's wrestling academy!
What's so appealing about all of this? None of these ladies are true wrestling figures or diehards of the industry. None of these women could fill the high heels of Nancy Daus, Missy Hyatt or fill the rolly polly rolls of Tammy Sytch! Shit, none of these women could ever be as prominent as Miss Elizabeth, nor would they ever been immortal figures of the industry like Sherri Martel – and none of them would even know how to go about being like Manami Toyota. It's a joke that wastes everyone's time, yet some people are actually interested in this trash.
I can understand why the WWE does it, from time to time – it generates some extra figures and revenue thanks to advertisement dollars, but fucking Christ, this is the most painful television available. Listening to these girls suck up to the live crowds for votes is actually C.I.A. approved methods of ‘advanced interrogations' used in Guantanamo Bay, it's just that fucking afflictive.
Thankfully it'll be over by the time this goes up on the site, but fucking Christ, we'll still have next year to sit through, and that's a pain all on its own.
Exercise Your Right for Honor
Just as a minor disagreement with Ari Berenstein'sColumn of Honor this week, in which he expresses why he believes ROH's mini-documentary shouldn't be greenlight onto television.
I do agree with many of the things he brought to light, but seeing the piece a few times, I did see that it did bring to light a true alternative style to the WWE and TNA, which is something we all want out of wrestling these days. Could their choices of in-ring footage been better? Of course, but what the fans want to see is the hardcore action – after all, why do you think everyone soils the front of their boxers at the thought of a new Money in the Bank ladder match, or creams themselves over an Elimination Chamber match?
And he's right to gripe about the fans, but we all know how stubborn and pig headed WWE fans tend to be, and while this video only further illustrated how elitist ROH fans tend to be, I think it does help sell the product as being something genuinely different and new.
Yeah, the irony was laid on very thick with Larry Sweeny's portion of the video, but what's clear is that they want to illustrate how unlike the WWE they truly are, which isn't to state that they don't have storylines and angles, but that they're not over the top and so completely unrealistic that it leads to the thought they're another circus tent fiasco event posing itself as a legitimate sport, the same way WCW was for all those years, and how TNA has become.
Ari may not want to hear that most of us like this video, despite its flaws, and would rather let that air on television as a demonstration of ROH's product than let them continue to sit without a television ad to present to the fans unaware of their product just yet. The way this all breaks down is, personally, I like what it was doing and enjoyed the thought of that running on television somewhere for new fans to see and possibly get excited about, after all, we're not all going to come to a promotion such as Ring of Honor for the same reasons as the next guy – shit, I enticed my pro-Triple H friend to become a die-hard fan of Ring of Honor by introducing to him Jack Evans, which isn't exactly the style ROH displays in all of their matches.
West Coast Feedback
And after last week, of course I was going to get some feedback about my comments of the poor attendance of Ring of Honor's West Coast debut shows, so let's take a gander at all of this hullabaloo.
"You have got to be shitting me man. Seriously. I can't speak for the Bay Area fiasco, but you are more than welcome to tune in Thursday for the Las Vegas side of it. Let's not turn this into another "East coast/West Coast" type feud...didn't we learn anything from Biggie and 'Pac? Must more blood be spilled? Hit 'em up!!
Plus...at least the bay area got 100 more than Vegas did."
~ Bayami Domingo
Of course we didn't learn shit from Pac and Biggie! Why else would we still be having feuds between all of our rappers over trivial bullshit?
But that's beside the point. The Las Vegas show is going to get a bit of a pass because the venue they performed under has to abide by the law that no children under the age of 21 can enter into a casino, so a lot of fans would be turned away if they lacked proper identification or weren't of the legal age to enter. The Frisco show, however, was held at a big convention centered around wrestling, and if that was a failure even with the promise to West Coast fans who had been crying for ages for their chance to see Ring of Honor live, in person, then the fans can share in the blame with the promoters of the convention event, who from the sounds of things did a horrible job all around.
"Hey do not blame me I went to booth shows, and Let me tell the reason for the 1st one only getting about 300-350 was because of the age limit. There about a 100-200 People who wanted to get in but could not cause they could not prove they were 21. Now the 2ND one was because that whole wrestle fest crap was a huge bomb only about 400, people showed up for the whole fucking thing. Keep up the good work and Fuck TNA FUCK THE WWE... FUCK Sting"
~ Dave Mason
And this only further proves my point – if at the most ROH was going to pull in at the Vegas show was 500 fans, after years of complaint from West Coast fans wanting their chance to see Ring of Honor, for themselves, then they really weren't all that diehard about their convictions to the promotion and their desire to see what all the buzz is about.
The way they were complaining, for years mind you, I would expect their debut shows out in the West Coast to easily sell out an arena that TNA would book and fail to sell even a quarter of the seats out – 1,000 people should have easily shown up, with another army unit of people set to follow in through that door.
Again, the problem is all of the complaints from these West Coasters who wanted Ring of Honor to show up, and then you see comments such as this: "Thank god i didnt go to this show well it looks like there not coming back for awhile i guess i gonna spend more money going to see PWG."
Idiots like that are what are going to set me off about the entire western region's inability to follow up on their bitching and moaning. So congratulations, you fucked up and all you can do is pass the buck off as this being just Ring of Honor's failure – all the more reason to reinforce my hatred of wrestling fans.
Cheap bastard fanatics!
And speaking of my hatred for wrestling fans, here's another e-mail I received from last week's entry.
"good column, my friend. In particular, I enjoyed your bit about hating wrestling fans. I hate them too, but for an additional reason beyond what you listed...
because they hate real wrestling fans.
internet wrestling fans (call them smarks or whatever) look down on regular wrestling fans. you know, the fans that serve as the basis for the entire industry? the fans that make it possible for these wrestlers to earn a living? the fans that watch wrestling not to rip it apart, but to ENJOY it?
I cant say that i am a "mark" but i used to be. and you know what? wrestling was a whole lot more fun when i was a mark. these internet guys constantly shit on the product, and then look down their noses at the fans because the fans don't have the same opinions that they do.
Without the marks, there would be no wrestling business, and then all these jerks would have to go back to writing about Buffy or Battlestar Galactica.
Keep up the good work, homie!
maybe you should start a weekly bit on why you hate wrestling fans. I think you might get a lot of feedback from people who feel the same way"
~ Nate
Again, I'm going to focus my energy and, more importantly, my hatred of wrestling fans into a full length article explaining what's wrong with wrestling fans – not just the smarks, or the wannabe smarts, but also the marks who are the bi-product of an era that is so overrated that it might be in contention with Hulk Hogan's ego for ‘largest useless entity' in the world record books of Guinness.
But what's wrong with this e-mail, I feel, is that statement of how wrestling was so much more fun when one was a mark, and I have to disagree based upon my own experience. I still find the excitement in wrestling today, and enjoy it more so now than I ever have, before, because I'm that much more open to newer experiences.
By that I mean I really like the options out there and am more willing to risk some money into a promotion I've never seen before, such as a Zero-One Max, just to pull out some excitement, and to gain some new faces to root for. As a mark, you tend to be limited and only open minded to a small degree as far as what you'll watch, who you'll root for, and who you can sympathize with.
I hate that cop out of an answer – I liked wrestling so much more when I was a mark. We're all still marks!
I'm a mark.
Ari's a mark.
Meltzer's a mark.
Keller's a cod…
Csonka's a mark.
We are all marks! That's why we still enjoy this industry. That's why we still love this business and what it represents to us all – that entertainment about it that keeps us all coming back for more.
The problem isn't that when you're a smark, or a smart, or the wannabe's that try too hard to be those labels, you can't enjoy wrestling anymore because you have to be critical of it all. The problem really is the fact that so many of us are simply snobbish thanks to the Attitude Era, and many of us think our opinions matter that much more than the average fan who is so ignorant and naïve to this industry that all they can spout out is how great the WWE is and how shit everything else is.
That counterproductive mentality that doesn't help out the industry and the young workers looking to become the next legends of wrestling, but only hinders it and allows WWE to further grow into this entity that we all have to grow completely discontented with as a means to distance ourselves from those simple minded, naïve twats.
Sting me one more time
And speaking of simple minded, naïve twats: Jeremy Tapp sent me yet another arduous, monotonous, suck-Sting-off-as-if-your-name-were-Aurora-Snow type e-mail that just begs the question: WHO THE BLOODY FUCK ARE YOU?!
I think [for] this one I'm going to pick a part a little bit while trying to avoid getting too in depth at the argument over Sting's effect that is still only a mirage for his all too obedient and loyal fan base who reek of simplistic, narrow-minded, benighted zeal that stains the John Cena fan base and their pro-Cena arguments that can easily be dismissed because of their outright and clear bias of the individual. So let's get to the e-mail, shall we?
"I just want to start off by saying I am the same person who wrote your featured feedback about Sting last week. I want to take the time to say that because apparently you didn't look at the email adress before you flipped out on me. Remember in your own column at 411 when someone sent in the email about what dream match would you like to see Sting in if he went to the WWE, well that was me. In that very article you stated that"if you were right about who this person is they still owe you some proof that Sting is a bigger draw than John Cena." So I thought back and I belive that you once did reply to a comment of mine on some youtube video and we got into a conversationg about Sting. That's the reason I was "droning on" about who I was, sorry that one sentence was so tedious for you to read."
First off, Jeremy, I knew who sent me that e-mail. You see, Yahoo! Mail has this cool little feature where it shows your name right next to the subject matter of your e-mail, and more often than not, when fishing spam out of my inbox, I'll glance at that name and see who the e-mail is from before tossing it into the shitter, never to be seen by my eyes ever again – the question wasn't who sent me the bloody e-mail but rather who the ever-lasting FUCK you are.
Like I said in one of my previous entries, I had a notion you were either Xcrament or Mr. Shit of the YouTube account, DANTEsavage – you're showing you're neither, so the question still remains: WHO THE BLOODY FUCK ARE YOU?!
Secondly, I don't talk about Sting, I scream about how overrated and shit the man is. I cannot – and I repeat that with heavy emphasis – cannot talk about that man in a civilized manner considering he's the Roger Clemens of the wrestling world: overpriced, outdated, underwhelming, impermanent, flakey, and a lecherous financial tick sucking on the tits of Dixie Carter's bank account.
Okay, so Roger isn't sucking on Dixie's funds as he works for George Steinbrenner, Brian Cashman and every other hack claiming to be the new head of the Yankees organization as they oust Torre from a job he can do successfully every year in favor of some new face who probably won't be near as effective – but that's besides the fucking point as that was a more than accurate description of Steve ‘I thought I could act, but all I can do is play the role of a vampire on the finances of a wrestling promotion that can do so much more without my worthless, lecherous ass' Borden.
Can the argument be presented that I'm too harsh on Sting? Of course it could, but the real question is do I fucking care how harsh I am on him? The answer is a resounding ‘NO'.
"First the sources of my information on all the Clash ratings is readily found in Ric Flair's autobiography "To be the Man", the information about Starcade can be easily found in the wikipedia article on WCW's history where it quote says "Starcade 97 was the most succesful event in WCW's history" and in Sting's documentary "Moment of Truth" and the accompaning book that sold in bookstores where it said, "Starcade 97 broke all previous payperview records at that point and ended up being the biggest event WCW had.", the attendance figures for Starcade 96, 97, and 98 were cited from the wikipedia article and you can google it if you want to verify the claims."
I've heard so much fucking praise about Starrcade 1997 and how that can all be attributed to Sting, and Sting alone – yeah, because the build around both Sting and the nWo didn't contribute to that in some manner. Yeah, because it was only Sting who sold that event rather than the build of this encounter that would write the history of the infamous WCW and nWo feud, and culminate to an end with the match we've been teased with for over a year in Sting versus Hulk Hogan, a match, if I recall correctly, had never taken place before.
As per the Clash numbers, having finally found them, all I can notice is the glaring numbers of 1992 that show a slide during a time period where Sting was the main event attraction of the company without the Ric Flair influence.
Yeah, the Clash numbers show two extremely strong numbers around Sting and Flair's encounter in '88, and then again with Sting and Black Scorpion (Al Perez) in '90, hitting 5.1 and 5.0 respectively, but when Flair's not around Sting, those numbers, in 1992, show such a different fucking tale.
Why is there rarely ever any mention of that time period where the numbers weren't that great? What, are we cherry picking what numbers to look at when presenting who is a bigger draw and who isn't, and like I said previously somewhere on the internet, how can we be certain who attributed to those numbers over other performers? By that I mean this – how do we know it was Sting's influence that presented Starrcade '97 with the strongest numbers in years and had nothing to do with Bret Hart's first appearance on WCW pay-per-view after his classic ‘farewell' from the WWE earlier that quarter? How do we know that Flair was the driving influence of the NWA/WCW back in the 80's? What evidence states that the Rock and Steve Austin were the driving force behind the upswing of ratings for the WWE in the late 90's?
The game of interpretation of information is what can usually skew facts, and it's that game that allows for us to live in a society filled with lawyers constantly fighting over the [United States] Constitution and what it really means for [our] country.
Either side of the coin could be argued about the Sting effect, but what I like is how he has this amazing drawing capability but the best he can do for TNA, currently, is pull them to a 1.1 weekly rating – a rating TNA has maintained a balance around since first achieving it back in January of 2006, with and without him – and scoring their highest pay-per-view buy of 75,000. All of those figures within TNA, and yet I'm to believe he has such an influence on the wrestling public that he can and has outdrawn the numbers of John Cena, a man who clearly has an influence on the WWE product when he's not on their television, as was demonstrated through a comparison of the buys through the years.
If Sting truly does have an everlasting effect, much like Steve Austin and Hulk Hogan, before him, then why doesn't it carry over to TNA in the same stride, or at least half of that same stride, currently?
I can't include Rock into that roster simply because he isn't like the others. He's pulled himself away from the business to the point that his appearances on any wrestling show are instantly going to draw huge because his presence hasn't been felt by the fans in such a long time that it strikes as being a special occasion.
Of course there's more to the e-mail, but damned if I care to read any more of it as I've been through this Sting ‘discussion' before and it only leads to a stubborn standoff that result in nothing changing. I certainly am not going to become a Sting loyalist because of these exchanges, and I doubt my thickheaded friends on the opposite coin will grow to see things from my perspective, so it's all fucking moot – but at least its great filler to punch these things out before a deadline when I'm stuck for things to discuss.
So for now, we'll leave it at that and end this fucker so I can go back to work on authentic articles worth a damn, again. Until next time – piss off, the lot of ya'.
