Truth B Told 11.22.07: Break the Walls Down
Posted by Bayani Domingo on 11.22.2007
The Ayatollah of Rock ‘n Rollah is back on RAW. Did his debut make you “mark out” or “tune out”? Have we built the expectations for Jericho even too high for the “Sexy Beast” to scale?
Two weeks ago. That is the last time I anticipated Chris Jericho's return. The speculation has been running rampant for so long that I was actually a bit under whelmed by his re-debut when it finally happened. I know I can't be the only one who felt that Monday Night's re-entry into the world of the "e" came up a bit flat because of all the hype that had run itself down by the time he finally stepped foot on RAW. In fact he had to follow up an arguably more impressive return by Edge at Survivor Series. Still it seems that the great majority of fans are already placing the un-spinning spinner belt around his "gorgeous waist", but can Chris Jericho really save us? Or are we all just riding the nostalgia train right into a wall?
Now let me start off by saying that Chris Jericho was one of my Top 10 favorite wrestlers of the late 90's early 2000's. Both in WCW and WWF I found him to be entertaining, a good wrestler, and very charismatic. Problem is, he wasn't in my Top 3 or even 5. for a lot of people I doubt he was there favorite wrestler or even one of the tops. There was HBK, HHH, Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, Eddie, Undertaker, The Rock, Stone Cold, Foley, Flair, etc., etc. Even when he was at the top of his game as the first ever "Undisputed Champion" he was still no more than the 3rd or 4th most popular or important wrestler on the roster. I think it is important to put this all in perspective because we need to remember where Chris Jericho's career was at it's apex and in terms of where it was when he left. He didn't pull a "Rock" or "Trish Stratus" by leaving on top, he was somewhere in the middle. Pretty much for his entire career actually.
I think there was no more evident time to realize his place in the industry and in the annuls of the WWF/E than when he did return and his pop was … well, good, but not deafening. It wasn't even "Cena loud" in some cases. It definitely wasn't a "Stone Cold", "Hogan", or "The Rock" kind of pop, but it was still good. Remember though that the last time Jericho ‘surprised' us all on RAW was 8 years ago when Jericho was a relatively young up and comer. Jericho is almost 40 now, okay 37 but pretty damn close, and he's had a lot of time away from the ring. He looks to be in good shape, but I'm not sure how that translates to actual wrestling shape. The man is older, he is a bit rusty, and remember his schtick back in the day was fresh and interesting, almost rivaling "The Great One" himself. But now that we have acts like Mr. Kennedy who are channeling the old Chris Jericho through the mic, what can we really expect of the "New" Chris Jericho?
I think people are looking at Jericho as someone who is going to excite and reinvigorate RAW. This to some extent might be true. He creates some fresh match ups for guys like Kennedy, Carlito, and Orton. Wait a second, haven't all those guys already been bitched out by various members of DX and former Hardy Boyz? Well, it should at least be…new, right? Then he can rekindle his old rivalries with HBK and HHH and Jeff Hardy. Well, at least he has a chance of going over Hardy. I somehow doubt that after all these years HHH and HBK are now in the business of laying down for guys they were killing just a half a decade ago. But you know, I don't think it's the wrestling we're all looking forward to. I mean, let's be honest, does anyone think Jericho will be better in the ring than when he left it a few short years ago? Time catches up to everyone and while I'm sure he'll be passable to good in the ring, we can't expect him to be the kind of lucha/cruier/highflyer he was in WCW and upon his initial debut. But there are other advantages to a Y2J redux.
The man is gold on the mic, no doubt about it. Jericho today has more personality and mic skills than probably 80% of the RAW roster and at least 90% of the entire "e". The man is also a cultural icon and recognizable name. It's funny how people rag on TNA for picking up old WWE rejects, but having an old timer come back to the "e" after a hiatus is not met with the same stigma. The fact is that he's a recognizable name who will draw some cash. Well, at least initially if he is in fact the next big feud for Randykins. The question is, will he actually get to go over the Metro-Man-Child? Signs point to…he better.
The fans haven't waited this long for a Jericho return just to see him put over the biggest douche bag on RAW since…well the last douche bag that beat him for the belt. A Jericho title win is where the money lies and is the only satisfactory way for the fans to feel like his return was indeed a success. A loss to Orton and a subsequent feud with Carlito or Santino just isn't going to cut it. Besides, as much as I believe Jericho isn't the "big draw" person think he was and is now, he's got to be a better draw than Orton. Besides, the money is in the chase and right now Jericho is the man everyone wants to see chase. Problem is, we all know Jericho is a better "heel" than "face" but that's okay because he would have been cheered regardless because of his return and if he does win the title he has plenty of time to turn heel before a certain "Super Face" makes his return a little after Wrestlemania. See where I'm going here?
I think Jericho's return wasn't timed as well as it could have been. It should have been done sooner, and it shouldn't have come right after Edge came back because it felt a bit overshadowed. Edge comes back from a few months off and gets to interrupt the main event and cost ‘taker the title. While Jericho comes back from a few YEARS off and gets to run down Randy and his "child bearing hips". Seriously, it's disturbing but so very true, that always bothered me about that dude. But I digress. The anticipation couldn't outlast the stalling and while Jericho's return is big news, let's all put this in perspective: a returning lower Main Event/Upper Mid-Carder returns after a few years off to compete with his fellow "Attitude Era" middle aged buddies and a few new guys who are very very very fringe "stars" at best.
So have you figured out why Jericho's return is so significant yet? It's not for the new fans who didn't get to see him wrestle in the "e" before. It's not for the fans who just caught the tail end of his last run when he was losing to the likes of Shelton Benjamin and Mohammed Hassan. It's for the fans who remember him form WCW and the original "Lion tamer". No, not that bitch ass "Walls of Jericho", I'm talking about the OG "Lion tamer" with the knee in the back. It's for the fans that remember the original shiny club shirt he rocked when that millennium clocked counted down to Zero with The Rock in the ring. It's for those of us who remember him as a co-IC champion with Chyna. It's for us nostalgia buffs. I think we miss the way we remember the "e" being because a guy like Jericho who was such a great character/worker was only the middle of the pack of main event guys. Not because of his size or the booking, but because there were just so many damn stars. Is not the same now. We see the ‘takers, HBK's, HHH's of the world and see how old they are getting. ‘taker and HBK are always hurt, HHH is tearing muscles wiping his ass in the morning, not to mention the HB in HBK is starting to stand for "Heavily Balding". We miss the way thins used to be and we're clawing for any kind of hint to a return of that kind of excitement we felt when it seemed like there were half a dozen main event type matches each week on free TV. Now we get Big Daddy V versus Kane. We used to have the Hardyz and Dudleyz and Edge and Christian duking it out, now we have two ECW wrestlers holding the Smackdown Tag Titles because they can't even fill out their own division for their own titles. It's the nostalgia factor.
When it all boils down to it I think we're setting ourselves up for a bit of a fall because no matter how good Jericho was, he just couldn't have gotten younger, his old gimmick couldn't have gotten fresher, and he couldn't have managed to marry a McMahon daughter. I will look forward to seeing Jericho every week, but I'm not of the belief he's "better than ever" or even "as good", time makes fools of us all. I'm sure I'll read a column or two proclaiming how Jericho shits solid gold and doesn't hit the "lionsault" he merely rotates the earth around his body instead to make it appear as though he is doing a flip. But let's be honest. Jericho was pretty great, but Jericho can only now be pretty good. But you know, I'll take it. By God I'll take an older and slower Jericho over 90% of the roster right now because at least he brings something to the table that most of the guys don't have right now, a degree of ‘freshness' and real ‘star power'. Name me another man on the roster that can bring you both right now? Yeah…you just think about that over your 4th helping of pumpkin pie.
The Truth
A "return" is the best you can hope for these days. No, Stone Cold and Rocky are never coming back, not even for a real match, not one tiny single solitary match, but at least a taped appearance is something. It's not like the "Monday Night Wars" where big stars could show up at any time anymore. Is there really anyone that is so important in the Indies or from days gone by that could show up in TNA or in ECW and really tear the roof off the place and maek a big impact? nope. That's why a return, as meek as it seems to be has to be enough. Luckily the "e" picked one of the few guys who is still healthy enough, willing to work, and still has the love of the business AND is a big enough name to make some waves. No, it's not a monsoon, but it's a big enough ripple to keep a good number of us tuned into Mondays to see what will happen next. And for what we've been through over the past year…I think that's at least something we can all be thankful for. Luckily for him he won't have to break my wall of expectations down, I built it only high enough for him to hop over. Now where can I find a swank vest like that?
Coming Up Short
Fuck YOU Smackdown vs RAW '08. I was playing that Gawd Damn 4-way ladder match for the Movie Contract for like 3 hours straight…when I finally win I get another week in and the damn power goes off on our block. No fuckin' reason, it just went off. And I hadn't saved the game. Damn it. I said screw it and now Roddy Piper is making the movie that I should have made and probably hitting up the clubs with a panty-less Lindsay and snappin' photos with Vanessa Hudgins. Oh well. So far SDvsR is pretty cool. A lot was taken out and a lot was put in. it's three times harder to win the challenges and it's taking forever to build up my CAW guy's abilities and unlock any usable moves for his moveset. I'm probably going to end up with my "Finishers" being the Brain Chop and the School Boy while holding the tights. F'n awesome. Would it kill the creators to figure out a storyline with less "Wellness" and injury details to worry about and more bangin' ring rats and Divas? I want to play as Batista and figure out how many Divas I can bone and get fired before I play for a "Divorce Papers for your cancer ridden wife" on a pole match against Gregory Helms.
But the real short coming here is the lack of real wrestlers in the game. At least on the part of the wrestlers who are still on the roster that is. Where are all the Tag Teams at? You have one, Cryme Tyme, and they aren't even in the "E" anymore. Then for ECW you have CorVon, Sabu, and Sandman who aren't there anymore, Booker T and Chris Masters who were recently let go. Yet we have Chavo and Kenny Dykstra. Not that they couldn't have fit another few guys in there, but instead of say using London and Kendrick we have Dykstra and Michelle McCool. Fuckn' awesome. I really think the game play is interesting, the grapple system, struggle submission, and the graphics are great. But what I really crave in a game is roster depth and for me…SDvsR is coming up way short in that department. Besides, unlike some of y'all…my patience for painstakingly crafting my army of CAW's to make up for it…comes up even shorter.
Thanksgiving 6 Degrees of…
Well the "King of 6 Degrees Tournament of Mild Discomfort" is at a climactic end this week and I figured there is no better time than this week to start the new entries for next year. Or…just do what American Idol does each year and just cycle it every 8 to 10 months instead. Maybe this time we can get a field of 64 and then run it for like three months straight. Or not. Either way I think it's obvious why Ms. Jackie is part of this week's special "Thanksgiving Day" edition of 6DO. Of course some of our ancestors came over on a boat to escape persecution (some of y'all white folk), some of us came on a boat for the purpose of persecution (Black folk), and some of us came over on slightly smaller boats (us Yellow/slightly Tan folk)…man, that was a hell of a lot of paddling that Lola and Lolo had to do. Well the first ever winner of the inaugural "Gravy Bowl Match" is being tied to a man who knows a thing or two about "Pilgrims".
The "Real American Hero" himself…John F'n Wayne. Yep…that seems…um…yeah. Jackie and John Wayne. I wonder who would pass out quicker at the bar. Btw, remember to go out and thank a Native American today for the two days off work. If you can find one. Don't bother going to the Blackjack tables though, they probably aren't dealing, just drinking and counting that money, money…yeah yeah. Damn, gotta marry me an Indian chick. "Is she cute? Fuck that…is she ¼ Cherokee??"
Whatchu talkin' bout readers?
I guess Louis Jones is alright after all. His excuse however…well, you be the judge:
Yo, I'm okay. Mark doesn't have me tied up in a barrel under his stairs.
My girlfriend's sister came and visited us on the weekend, and brought her laptop. So, my girlfriend, in attempt to get her sister's laptop to connect to our wireless network, accessed the encryption on our router. Now, I don't know what happened next, but I
finally got it fixed and got back online today.
Anyhow, peace out, good luck to the finalists
Louis
Actually I didn't consider the "tied up in a barrel under the stairs" scenario with Mark, I actually figured it would be more elaborate like "Saw" where you had to dislocate your own jaw, rip out a hook, swing it over to a switch on a box that then plays a 5 disc set of Rene Dupree's greatest matches and proceed to find at least 148 "Hidden Highlights" before the buzzer goes off. But the barrel works too. Although traveling all the way up to Canada to do all that…now THAT is hardcore. I'm kind of on the fence about whether or not to believe this entire story (especially because we ALL know that the chances of a wrestling fan having a girlfriend, let alone one willing to move in with you and your collection of "wrestling buddies" is like 100,000 to 1) but if Louis can figure a way to concoct some elaborate story about how the "sister" felt so horribly that she felt she had to "make it up to" Louis…all night long…while the girlfriend taped it. Then I'd probably let it slide. Or…you know…maybe send me a nice ham instead. I mean…"bacon" for you folks up ‘North'.
Sticking with the "Ko6D" apologists theme:
Bayani-
I want to apologize for no showing the first round of the 6DO tournament. I have no excuses other than lack of access to the internet. My PC took a crap on me and my access at work was limited during that week. I got everything back just in time to see the results from the first round. Once again I apologize for taking the place of someone more deserving, I should have found a way to get my 6DO in.
Thank you,
Brian Eyer
Eh, shit happens Brian, I mean really it does, plus, it's not like the winner of this contest was going to win a quarter of a million dollars or a title shot at the next 411mania PPV. Besides when you No-showed it let Jihad get a free pass, which then led to him losing to Louis…who then No-Showed and opened the door for Satrang to walk on into the finals. Hmmm…. Somehow this should have ended with the cameras cutting to a backstage scene with a dressing room with your name on it blocked by a forklift as the referee counted you out at 10. Oh well, I guess PC problems strike again. Although you at least could have made up a story about you girlfriend and her sister and…
Richard Stackhouse sends in another parallel entry to the tourney this week:
Hey B:
Here's this week's connection:
In 1969, Elvis recorded "In the Ghetto".
In 2006, Busta Rhymes's "in the Ghetto" track used samples of other artists' voices, including the Rick James.
Rick James was incarcerated at Folsom State Prison from 1993-1995 for drug use and assault. Another famous Folsom State Prison member was Charles Manson.
The Charles Manson "family" was convicted of murdering Sharon Tate. The first person to be arrested for this murder was the caretaker, William Garretson.
Garretson, South Dakota's main tourist attraction is Devil's Gulch, a 15 foot wide canyon that Jesse James (the outlaw version) allegedly jumped over to escape authorities after a bank robbery.
Jesse James (the Road Dogg version) was a member of D-X with X-Pac, a.k.a. Sean Waltmann, a.k.a. Syxx.
enjoy,
Stax
So the crazy thing is…I actually think this might be better than the two entries turned in for the finals. How crazy is that? The "Undercard" looked better than the "Main Event". It's like this tournament is "Smackdown" all of a sudden. You know, I think we're probably seeing the first name entered for next year's Tourney. Make sure to keep practicing Stax and the '08 Ko6D might just be yours.
Larry Tenelanda makes a triumphant return to the column:
Yo bayani, Whatz up kid!!!!
I missed reading your articles cuz I was doing some serious stuff. But I am back and I am happy to have some free time to read your great columns, kid.
Yo, I think you said you was Filipino? I found a pic of a cute Filipino actress Named
Cassie Steele
She like actress in CANADA????? She star in a show called Degrassi...She's like a musician, too...
And she's Filipino!
Yo Bayani, keep up the good work, kid!!!!
Holy crap, I had no idea she was a Mestiza. I used to LOVE the OG Degrassi High. My sister and I used to watch that thing all the time back in the day. But I had only caught a few random episodes of the Next Generation. Checking out the ol' google I found a slightly better image and she's not bad. Let me check to make sure she's legal though…shit. 17…and Canadian. Both are pretty damn close but neither are legal in this country. No…wait a sec…in two weeks she's fair game according to wiki. Oh and of course in Canada when you go up there the exchange rate is pretty favorable to the Americans so I assume like 16 is fair game up there. Eh?
King of 6 Degrees Tournament FINALS Results
So let's take a look at the two entries this week in the FINALS of the Ko6D…oMD. First off we have 6DO Future HoFer and the #1 seed in the tourney: Mark Satrang
B-
I've got the absolute winning entry here, proving my walk through the tournament not to be a fluke.
It was a good return to glory in your Left Overs section. I would pay big bucks to see Scott Hall in the Isaac role. I'm telling you, that's the ticket to TNA's success right there.
Oh, and I live in the Minneapolis area so I'm glad you enjoyed the Mall of America. Hope you found the Hooters on the fourth floor. All the titty clubs are in the downtown Minneapolis; you'll have to make a trip down there you're next time through town. Oh and for the record, it is damn cold in this town and am anxiously awaiting getting the hell out and into somewhere much, much warmer.
Anyways on the with the winning show...
Elvis starred in Viva Las Vegas with Ann-Marget...
Marget also starred in the Grumpy Old Men movies with Burgess Meredith...
Meredith's best role is perhaps in the 1987 GI Joe~! movie, also starring Don Johnson...
Johnson's most famous role was in Maimi Vice, a show that was later sent up by Fuji Vice~!, starring Mr. Fuji...
Fuji managed many wrestlers in his day, but some of my favorites were the Powers of Pain team of Warlord & Barbarian...
Barbarian, as Headshrinker Sionne, teamed with Sean Waltman, as 123 Kid, at Survivor Series '94 as part of "The Bad Guys" team...
Next up is the man who stepped up to dominate 6DO in Mark's short absence and the only finalist to actually have to WIN a match during his finals run…Double C:
Yeah, baby! 6DO Finals! This is what I've waited my whole 6DO career for! The big time! The showdown! And vs Mark Satrang to boot. Hoo boy...
1. Elvis Presley's foray into movies began in 1956 with "Love Me Tender", in which he didn't even get top billing. That went to the other star of the movie, Richard Egan.
2. Richard Egan starred in the 1962 movie "The 300 Spartans" in which he played King Leonidas, a role that was reprised in the 2006 movie "300" by Gerard Butler.
3. Gerard Butler starred in the 2005 movie "The Game Of Their Lives" with Patrick Stewart.
4. Patrick Stewart starred in the three "X-Men" movies with Rebecca Romijn.
5. Rebecca Romijn starred in the 2004 movie "The Punisher", in which Kevin Nash had a role as 'The Russian'.
6. Kevin Nash was one of the founding members of the nWo, which Syxx also became a member of in September 1996.
Wow, those were two very different entries this week. It will be interesting to see how the judges score them because Double C was much more straight forward, very solid connections and waited till the last link to go Wrestler-to-Wrestler. Mark turned in a more creative entry and added a few more obscure links and had a bit more balance. Oh and for the record I DID find the Hooters on the top floor, but I was told by another guy in the shuttle that the food as mediocre as to be expected and the waitresses were…well what you'd expect in Minnesota on a weekday. So I passed. The stuffed shrimp at Bubba Gump's was good though. Oh and I ended up taking a $40 taxi ride into downtown Minneapolis to meet a friend for dinner and a drink. I took the Light Rail back and I didn't realize until I was inside that right next to the stop was a titty club. I was tempted to hop off and sample the local fare. Then I remembered all of the women I had seen on the street, in the mall, and in the bars I had been to…and took a pass. I'd hate to have to smell the scent of lutefisk on a chick's lips the entire lap dance. Either pair.
And now for the judges:
Sammy Berman: I'm going with Double C here for the following four reasons: A) he referenced the movie '300', B) I'm unfortunately unimpressed by the pseudo-topical but beyond obscure Survivor Series reference, C) Don Johnson lost all credibility with me when he did 'Nash Bridges', and D) I'd rather sleep with Rebecca Romijn than Ann-Margaret.
Brad Garoon: I'm going with Mr. Satrang. Double C's was just a little too straight forward for my liking. Also, Satrang mentions two things very close to my heart; Grumpy Old Men and Fuji Vice. Not to mention the Barbarian, who as far as I'm concerned is the biggest heel of all time for his alleged participation in a real certain real-life crime.
Michael Bauer: I'm going with Double C. Mark did good, but I feel like he rushed into a wrestling reference to make it easier to get to Sean Waltman. Double C had everything I could look for. He had the great remake reference, the hot chick, and only used wrestling for the last reference. Great stuff out of Double C.
ME: Well I was hoping to get one more judge for the panel but you know those 411 wrestling zone writers. Lazy asses. So it comes down to me. I actually liked Mark's entry better because the Miami Vice-Fuji Vice link was a thing of beauty. So that would leave us deadlocked. Except…its my column. So I changed the rules. Yeah, just when you thought you had all the answers…I change the questions. So now here to break the tie is…
Birdman: Aka my buddy Harvey. He had this to say… SECOND ONE, MERDITH'S BEST ROLE WAS IN ROCKY.
Well there we go…it looks like it's …wait a second…I have one more e-mail from my other buddy the Notorious D.O.C.
Doc: Tough choice. I would say that CC has the stronger links, but being a child of the 80's, I give the nod to Satrang based on including both the G.I. Joe Movie AND Miami Vice.
Awww shit. So it's a tie again. Damn it. Um…well. Fuck it…I'm going to go ahead and break the tie and since it's my f'n column I'm going with The First Ever King of 6 Degrees….
Mark Satrang
You know, we can sit here and argue over Burgess Meredith all day long, but one thing is for sure…Rebecca Romijn was still technically Rebecca Romijn-Stamos during the first two X-Men movies. She got divorced and changed her name back in 2005. I took a partial point off, but over all, gotta go with G.I. Joe. Yo JOE!! Loved those toys. Double C you were mere seconds away from taking the title before that last e-mail came in but alas you have fallen. But keep your head up, for who knows what the next year shall bring and perhaps…we'll do one of those spin-offs like they did with "Dancing with the Stars". I somehow don't think that would be as popular here…who wants to do the "Tango" with Meehan? Well thanks to all this year's participants and start sharpening your skills for next year's "King of 6 Degrees".
Thanksgiving Left Overs, aka "I'm Thankful That"…
…this is the year of the Asian Woman Wrestler. Gail Kim is the first ever TNA Women's Champion. Following in the footsteps of the incredible RoH World Title run by Margaret Cho.
… Randy Orton continues to look like an utter bitch each and ever week he is in the ring with any "Attitude Era" wrestler. I know I can't be the only one waiting for The Godfather to challenge him for the belt, but realizing that offering him a "ho" would be kind of redundant.
.. Mickie James has gone back to her crazy lesbo ways. I like the gimmick of her kissing her opponent on the lips before she kicks her right on the mouth. I'm just looking forward to her first "low blow" with this new gimmick.
…Kaz is getting a decent push after the fiasco known as "Seratonin". It's a wonder that Kazarian didn't go further during his first run in the company but he had a lot of baggage weighing him down. Namely three gigantic boobs, two belonging to Traci Brooks and one being Matt Bentley…and Bentley's tits are actually catching up to Traci's.
…John Morrison and The Miz have found success…on Smackdown. Which, they aren't wrestlers for. But that's okay because ECW doesn't have any real titles on their show. You want to know something fucked up: The Miz now currently holds more titles than all of DX, Mysterio, Undertaker, and Ken Kennedy combined. Seriously that ranks just under 2girls1cup.com on the "oh holy hell there is no God in heaven" scale. And right above Carrot Top.
…The MCMG's are looking to get a big push in the Tag Team division. While I'm not pleased that XXX and LAX are being mainly de-pushed and forgotten at least the MG's look to be set up to take some tag team gold soon. I love the gimmick where they point to their hands to show what Michigan looks like and where Detroit is. I had no idea they taught school kids that trick in Michigan because the state looks like a hand. I hear they have the same trick in Georgia too where they can point to Atlanta on their hand…it's easier for them because the inbreeding usually leaves those kids with only about 3 fingers anyways. You gotta envy the lucky ones with the thumbs.
..There are still Mask vs Hair matches in the U.S. albeit in CHIKARA, which is like it's very own weird unincorporated state. Kind of like Alabama. But in CHIKARA you can fight "tooth and nail" against your opponent. In Alabama you can only fight "nail".
…That Divas are being held to the "Wellness Policy" like their male counterparts. I'd hate to see chicks like Torrie Wilson continue to skirt he policy by downing loads of illegal weight loss pills. So what if she balloons up to 85 lbs? Only 70 lbs of those are biodegradable. Sure a nice "Titty fuck" from the former Mrs. Billy Kidman would be sweet, but how many of you have ever gotten to rub one out between a chick's ribs? "Oh Yeah baby, I'm going to give your rib cage the thrill of a lifetime…but why don't you scoot into the bathroom and throw up before we get down to business".
…One armed wrestlers can still beat any #1 contender in RoH. When I read that Nigel beat Hero with only one arm I must have had the silliest look on my face ever. Kind of like the time when Zach Gowan tried to hit the "Curb Stomp" on one of his opponents and about half way through…well…you know.
Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week
Yeah, and all McGyver could make was a bomb or a generator with some animal skins and twine.
…Nick Hogan isn't my DD. Not only does Nick "No Sell" the speed limit like his dad wrestling HBK, but now his buddy is going to be handicapped or brain damaged the rest of his life. Hopefully the Hulkster can pull some strings and get him a job tag teaming with Eugene down in OVW. Or…booking for TNA.
…That TNA Knockouts are now changing their names to stripper aliases in order to retain the rights to their original names. Velvet Sky, Angelina Love. I can't wait for Becky Bayliss and Krissy Vaine to start up with the company. I'm thinkin' Areola McSnatch and Twatina Galore would be appropriate.
Pimpin' In High Places
What the hell are you doing on the Internet. There is turkey, stuffing, football and family around. Oh that's right…the family. Well stay hidden in the basement and check out these guys while you're at it. The only turkey here on 411 is Small and Slimmer:
Ask 411 reveals the truth about Kelly Kelly's breasts. Which is a surprise, since I had no idea Cook knew anything about breasts…that don't belong next to some cranberry sauce and green bean casserole.
Short talks about some cup in Japan. Yeah, those Japanese folk love tournaments and cups. My favorite cup? Double D.
Minotti looks at Survivor Series and who can be a champ. At some point his column is going to hit a snag when everyone except for cruiserweights are suspended for "Wellness Violations".
It's a Byers market and Ryan is bullish on SHIMMER. Not just the company, but the lotion. He says he got his from the same place Teddy Hart gets his from.
HH has an orgasm over the man known as Santino. I mean, the man stole Maria from Punk…nothing hidden about that highlight.
CoH looks at the business of RoH. Business is good. Its like RoH is treating every other Indy fed like a one armed man in a wrestling …match….oh….bad analogy. What about….they're treating the rest of the Indies like Bobby Dempsey on a turkey pot pie?
Evo Scheme shows us the history, glory, and tassels of a man known as Machismo Negro.
Csonka passes judgment on RAW's roster. Then he passes additional judgment upon Survivor Series with his 4 R's too. Csonka is a very critical man. I wonder if he ever passes out R's at the thanksgiving dinner table. "Mom, that sweet potato pie was right, the lump gravy was wRong, and this 9 bean salad was just Russo-f'n-riffic. C'mon mom the pinto beans are fine…but Jelly Beans? FTW??"
Sammy thinks that Dixie and Azrieal deserve to share the spotlight with Steen and Homicide. Much the same way Screech got to hang out with Jessie Spano and Kelly Kapowski.
Lansdellusional thinks it's funny to disrespect his elders. I guess he thinks of himself as a young John Morrison standing up to the bullying JBL. What young Christy Lansdell doesn't realize is that he's still a "local guy" on Heat who has to stand in the middle of the ring waiting for Hacksaw to come down without his own entrance music and I'm on the poster for the PPVs. Not even the same league. Maybe one day you'll graduate to tag teaming with Super Crazy in dark matches kid…maybe.
And don't forget that Small will be in tomorrow with the news. Most people do…but you know…it's all the kid has going for him, you don't want to see the 411 offices re-enact the "Jeremy" video after the Holiday break do you?
You know, I have a short work week this week since it's the holidays and I was going to phone it in since I actually have a good amount of work and errands to run before my "Thanksgiving in VEGAS". But you know, I couldn't do that to you all. Regardless of the fact that I have actual work to do this weekend off my Minnesota-licious business trip last week as well as preparations for how to keep my $1 bills away from the grubby hands of the Blackjacks dealers and into the waiting crotches of the strippers in Vegas I had to break you off a little something. Just like the illustrious Leroy Hoard reportedly once said to his coach, "Coach, if you need one yard, I'll get you three yards. If you need five yards, I'll get you three yards". Well I figured that since most of you will be stuck with your families for most of today the least I could give you was 3 yards. Too bad you really needed 7. Suckers. Well hopefully you all have a happy Holiday. Get ready to be dragged out by your parents for "Black Friday" and remember that getting a $8 DVD player is well worth waking up at 4 am on a Friday morning. Oh yeah, and for those who are going to be glued to the TV hoping that your Fantasy Football players aren't gong to pull a Goobledegooker this year. How about some well wishes and prayers for Greg Jennings and Marion Barber III. Git ‘er done boys. And with that, time's up! Let's do this! LEEEROOOOOOYYY JEEEENNNNKIINNSS!!!
