The Seventh Dimension 11.24.07: A Masterpiece in the Making?
Posted by T.G. Corke on 11.24.2007
In a relatively slow week, both in the world of wrestling and in my own mind, I present to you a brief piece on the Matt Hardy situation and why it is likely to work out for the best in the long run. Plus, my thoughts on Survivor Series, and on the Edge/Vickie Guerrero angle. You love it.
Welcome, one and all, to The Seventh Dimension. I'm your host as usual, and once again I had to rely on recent happenings in order to produce material this week, because I'm so very lazy. I'm so lazy that Victoria Pile slapped me the other day. Although, that could have been because I was chasing her down the street shouting "THIEF! PLAGIARIST CUNT!" while lobbing packets of Frazzles at her head. Luckily it was a dream, one that lasted until 11 in the morning…thus proving me to be pretty indolent, anyway.
Before we get started, I thought I'd say welcome back to William Bumgarner, who returned this week. William, you may recall, incensed me in his comments on John Cena a couple of months ago, to the point where I wrote a blog in retaliation (the one titled ‘Woeful'). He quit the site not long afterwards, and I felt a bit awful. But now, he's back and there are no hard feelings, and his latest column is much more laconic and reasoned than what came before, so I have no problem linking to it.
Anywizzle, let's crack one out all over this bad boy.
A Matt-ster(MV)Piece in the Making?
The phrase ‘divine intervention' springs to mind with the current United States Championship rivalry between MVP and Matt Hardy. Before this week, we were looking at a blow-off match for the next event which, although would still be nice as long as Matt received his long-deserved win, wouldn't necessarily (or at all) be seen as a ‘legacy moment' for either man. No disrespect to a pay-per-view that has overseen no fewer than three World title changes (five if you include Vengeance 2001, which was held in December), but Armageddon simply isn't one for cementing new stars or creating memories in the same way that the big four usually are.
However, this week Matt Hardy's appendix burst. The result of this is that he will miss (thankfully no more than) around three months. This, along with the injury angle they worked last week, means that Hardy will be returning by March next year. Now, while I would never wish an injury on anyone in the business (as for feeling a lack of sympathy for certain peoples' misfortunes, that's a different matter entirely), I must say that this is perhaps the best unexpected incident to factor into wrestling booking for many months at least.
It seems appropriate that this, the greatest piece of storytelling to come from the WWE in years, will surely now culminate at Wrestlemania.
All the factors are there, now. MVP now has, and should be able to maintain, a ridiculous amount of heat. Matt Hardy was already over, but now he'll have even more marks feeling sorry for him and therefore rooting for him (as long as they can overlook the whole ‘getting pinned twice in one night' thing). On top of this, it will have been eight months since they last met in the ring mono-a-mono, and MVP – and, to a degree, Matt – has/have improved a hell of a lot even since then. This match could be awesome in its own right, but coupled with the ‘Big Dance' atmosphere and the story behind it, it should be something very special.
On top of that, WWE has two things to consider that both relate to Chris Benoit. The first is that Wrestlemania will be one year since MVP's first ever shot at the gold, and he lost that night when many thought it was a lock that he would win. That could lend to the tale, as Matt could accuse MVP of being a bottler, adding an element of MVP having to prove himself and get over his loss. The other side to this is that, at this moment in time, Benoit's World title win and consequent embrace with Eddie Guerrero is considered by many to still be one of Wrestlemania's most tremendous occasions, and I'm sure WWE hates that to some degree (bastards). So, what better way to rob the fans of their recollections of XX than to provide a similar moment this time around…?
I'm looking at Matt winning the US Title at the beginning of the night (because, unless it is right near the top, the match would benefit far more from being at the very start of the show than betwixed-and-between in the lower mid-card), followed by Jeff winning the WWE title in the main-event if they're willing to go through with his super-push. Then, they hug it out, probably arranging their dinner reservations at the same time, and the two celebrate to end the show. This would also then serve to raise the prestige of the US Title immensely, and the World Heavyweight Championship shouldn't be damaged since they seem to be looking at Edge/Batista or Edge/Undertaker for that, which is going to go down a storm no matter HOW the match placing is handled.
Of course, that's not likely to happen, as I doubt Jeff's singles success will go any further than a quick turn and a loss to Triple H to further his momentum going into the title match. All I'm saying is, if it DOES happen, that's why – because all killers are murderers by proxy and everybody else is to blame in WWEland (population: lunatics).
Anyway, back to the point. And, to be honest, I've made it now. So, bye. *waves*
Actually, since we're all here, I might as well fantasy-book my way to the scenarios I just mentioned could happen. Nothing amazing, no great calendar of gargantuan or even an egg-timer with a smiling cowboy drawn on it in chalk. Just A to B, A being the here-and-now and B being Wrestlemania.
The first thing we need to take into account is that Triple H, Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels need to be doing something in order for this to all work. I would imagine the best way to go about this would be to have Jericho face Triple H at Wrestlemania again, this time with a proper build and the face/heel alignments reversed. Jericho needs to go over clean here, as he's only beaten Triple H once (apart from when winning the World Tag Team titles with Benoit, which of course will be ignored because of Benoit) and it was via nefarious means on free television. While this is going on, Jeff Hardy and Shawn Michaels are the last two Raw guys in the Royal Rumble, and Jeff eliminates Shawn in a huge surprise, only to fall to Edge right at the end. It's been rumoured that JBL is coming out of retirement to face either Batista or Undertaker, whichever one is not the World champion at the time. Since WWE wants to have Undertaker vs Edge, streak vs streak and all (which is an easy selling point without bringing the title into it and away from a match that could fare a lot better with that kind of importance), for this to work I'm guessing Undertaker pins Edge at Armageddon.
Concurrently, Jeff and Shawn are now at loggerheads due to both being so close to winning the whole thing (and perhaps Shawn played a part in Jeff's eventual elimination), and as a result they're made co-contenders and a triple-threat with Orton is born. Or, of course, they could attempt to eradicate Benoit from their past even further by having Triple H go in as the heel champion, so it's basically the same match as in 2004 only with the other title and a known druggie-cunt instead of someone they can build their hopes towards. It's the same reason you go out with an ugly chick who sets fire to stuff – you can't really expect any better from her, so you can't be disappointed in the long run. It's also known as ‘damage limitation'.
Meanwhile, MVP keeps a hold of the US Title. He defeats all comers, by whatever means necessary, and then brags about how he's held the belt since Judgment Day last year, when Matt Hardy suddenly returns (there could be a good tease here – MVP is in the middle of saying that he beat Benoit for the belt, but gets cut off right at that point. "I've been champion since May last year, when I defea-" "OOH, YEAH! Duh-duh-nuh…" Though knowing the ‘E, he'll probably refer to him as ‘the then-champion'. Wow, hard to believe it's been five months already…) and basically just beats the shit out of MVP. The match is set, MVP gets the upper hand near the end of the feud, and it all builds to Matt's first significant singles title.
And that's it. Pretty simple planning for them all, though don't expect even half of it to reign true. All I can leave you with is this: A few short weeks ago, I was complaining that the Hardy/MVP feud had gone a bit too long, and it was time to wind down to a climax before it risked losing its impact. But now?
Now, I couldn't be happier that it's getting another three months.
Please, Vince. And, indeed, the guys themselves – don't let us down on this one.
Tidbits
Survivor Series is in the books, and I thought it was really quite good. There were four very entertaining matches, the four which I think we all expected to be good. It was nice to NOT be left frustrated for once, I must say. Even the other crap wasn't as crap as it could have been. The Hornswoggle match at least DIDN'T see Khali get pinned by a midget two months after his title run, and brought Finlay into the fray. The womens' tag match was short, so I was able to put up with it just about. The tag titles match was a bit weak, but at least Holly didn't turn on Cody as I predicted in the Roundtable (though I was right in as much as it led to a match between him and Cody, with Cody winning. Damn, did that all feel rushed!), and the champs won.
The WWE Championship match was absolutely terrific. Michaels worked the mat magic and sold the stipulations brilliantly, while Orton did what he does best – selling pain and desperation and looking like a cocky prick in between. They both told a great story with Michaels pretty much dominating the submission aspect, because he had to of course, while Orton had countless opportunities to get the job done but took a bit too long and it almost cost him. I'm glad the Crossface was used again finally, although I'm sure they'll credit that move to Dean Malenko anyway, but it was still a bit surprising. You could legitimately hear chants of ‘Benoit' from the crowd amidst the cheering, as well. That just shows you that you can do all you can to change the records (though, to be fair, they haven't actually removed his name from the title history pages), but you'll never displace the respect. Suck it.
Anyway, I need to call myself out now on my own cynicism. This was from last week's Roundtable:
As a mark for both guys, I'd love to see neither stipulation come into play at the end, and Orton to just hit a quick RKO and win cleanly to solidify his reign, and THEN become a dick again and try to kill HBK with the kick. Unfortunately, that's not happening.
Well, thankfully it very nearly DID happen, as the stipulation did come into play and served as a distraction for Michaels, but you can't hold it against your opponent if you make the mistake. Shawn wasn't forced to go for the kick, he forgot he couldn't use it (despite all his work previous), and he deserved what he got as a result. That amounted to a rather crappy-looking RKO and a pin in the centre of the ring. And then, of course, Orton was a dick afterwards, though he didn't go for the kick. He just propped Shawn up and demanded - demanded, I say! – to be congratulated there and there. Sadly, no dice and he ate HBK's foot once more. I'm glad to have been wrong on this one, that's for sure.
The Hell in a Cell match was decent enough, not great but not bad. However, I have something I wish to ask: Are the same people who complain that Edge's interference ruined the match the same people who think the first Hell in a Cell was perfect? Because, if they are, they're hypocrites. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Kane debut in that match? And didn't he just walk out, taking about ninety seconds, and stare at Undertaker for ages, during which time he could easily have retreated or fought back himself, and landed a single Tombstone that took ages to land with Undertaker making no effort to counter it? And then didn't Michaels just crawl over and pin Undertaker?
Uh, that SUCKED. Edge's return was way better. And that's not an opinion, that's pure fact. See ya!
One the subject of Edge, why the hell is he 'making out' with Vickie Guerrero now? I don't like it at all. Not because of Eddie's legacy – in fact, this may be the best way to help forget about him and move on with the product – but because Vickie really isn't attractive. At all. I mean, Edge has had Terri Runnels and Lita, and now we're supposed to believe he's bagged himself THIS bitch? And why? For title opportunities he would have eventually earned regardless. It just rubs me up the wrong way a bit.
Again, I'm not offended that she's being used in this way, and I don't think anybody should feel obliged to write tirades of "OMG WIDOW BEIN HELD AGAINST HER WILL LOLZ ITS LIKE RANSOM VINCE SUX EDDIE EDDIE". If you're seeking principles and ethical stimulus from wrestling, you're a bit delusional anyway. Wrestling has never, and WILL never, be about moral incentive. The reason, as I've already stated (and it's quite shallow), that I don't want to see Edge kissing Vickie Guerrero is, well…it's Vickie Guerrero. I mean, look at her. Seriously? Christ. Plus, does it really help Edge to portray him as somebody so out of his depth in the main event that he needs to bang his boss? The irony of ironies would be if this was Stephanie's idea.
Oh well, I guess if she's willing (it is two years now since Eddie died) then they'd be foolish not to go ahead with it. I suppose there ARE uglier things in this world. Psychologically ugly, at least. And physically. Yeah. Poor Vickie, she's not that bad. But I wouldn't. That's all I'm saying.
Finally, Hulk Hogan's getting a divorce. Why is this news? Move along, people.
Reader Feedback
One piece of feedback, from regular contributor Phil Martin. Two emails that I have joined at the hip, like reverse Siamese twins.
Hi,
I think that you're underestimating the impact of the screwjob. It was the most important moment in wrestling history for sites like 411mania. That was the moment where people realised that it wasn't all just pretend, there was stuff going on behind the scenes, interesting stuff.
It was a hugely important moment for wrestling fans...not those who had dirt sheets or those who had insider knowledge but the rest of us. We were left confused. Because of the way that it happened It made wrestling more than what it had always been. It made it real, if only for a few days ten years ago Wrestling was real. It was a huge part in the late nineties explosion... the anything can happen slogan seemed to be mean something. We had nowhere else to go so we went online. It's this moment probably more than any other which made the IWC. Which is nice.
What I don't understand is the indignation from an awful lot of fans at the time(who still hold the grudge now). It always amazes me when normal people feel sorry for rich people. Jesus, he didn't even get sacked. It was as if they didn't give him a bonus because he went to a different company for more wages. I really don't see the problem with the way that it went down. I just think that it's a little funny. There really wasn't the same scrutiny back then either, Imagine if Joe ever won the title on TNA and then decided that he wanted to go to WWe but didn't want to drop the strap on his last PPV. He'd be slated and quite rightly too
Oh and before I shoot off to do some really cool stuff in Smackdown Vs Raw. Remember, with extremely rare exceptions, people are disappointments, once you have that in your head from the beginning, anything even remotely well done by the idiots is a bonus. Yeah, sometimes I come across as a pompous git, but at the same time, the fact that I'm pretty damn clever excuses my attitude entirely.
I wasn't really trying to analyse the event that much, as I wasn't watching when it originally happened so I couldn't possibly gauge the total effect it had. I just wanted tto make it known that I don't care, and that it's credited with FAR too much in my opinion (although obviously what you said seems to hold true, and you were there, so I won't argue with that). Plus, I can't see how anyone sympathises with Bret since he was equally unprofessional. People just need to get over it.
It also amuses me when people say "that bitch Michaels screwed Bret!", because most of these people ALSO say "that bitch Michaels was spineless and did what McMahon said!" How can he be held accountable for both? They're incompatible. It's ridiculous.
Good point, it was a big deal for some of us, but we shouldn't assume everybody who watches wrestling now knows the history of wrestling. Honestly wrestling fans have so many similarities to trekkies it's confusing sometimes
When you do finally run out of stuff to write about you should do a wrestling collumn review, you're direct enough to pull it off. Just go to a random site and find a wrestle reviewer type person and discuss what you think of their stuff. I'd clear it with my boss if I were you. But it might be fun and keep you interested.
here's a hint. google "[wrestler name] is a [insult]" and you have your very first review
Hurrah!
also, that Roddy Piper twist in SDvsR is awesome
that is all
I doubt Larry would let me get away with it somehow, but who knows? Meehan did have that battle with Irv Muchkin recently. And yeah, the Piper stuff was cool, but the Stephanie Loves You storyline is a bit off. Plus, its conclusion is highly unsatisfactory.
Oooh, yeah!
That does it for this week. A bit rubbish I know, but my knack seems to come and go every alternate week now. By that logic, next issue should be jam-packed with jam and stuff. Hopefully good, and certainly not bad. But we shall see. See, we shall.
See.
PS. Happy birthday, mother. That's it. That's your present.
