The Shimmy 12.24.07: The Santino Marella Report Card

Posted by Andy Clark on 12.24.2007

Chingadi ching! It's Santino Marella! Chingadi ching! The Italian Christmas fella!

Merry Christmas, everybody! I hope everyone is having a safe and wonderful holiday. Really, I have no idea why you'd be reading my column today, but if you're here, welcome. This week I'm not going to be very long or very in depth. In fact, in the spirit of the season, this week's column is my Christmas gift to you. Last year I took a look at all of Snitsky's most memorable matches (back when Snitsky was still awesome), this week I figured I'd add some class to the holidays. Yes, this week is the Report Card of one…Santino Marella! (I hope you all read his name funny as that was how it was playing in my head when I just wrote that). As with Snitsky, I'm going to break from normal Report Card rules and look at matches that didn't necessarily happen on PPV and just major Santino matches in general. Sound good? OK! Let's take look.

Intercontinental Title, No DQ Match: Umaga© vs. Santino Marella (Raw, 4/16/07)

This is what started it all; the Milan Miracle. Mr. McMahon wanted a fan out of the audience to "challenge" Umaga for the Intercontinental Title as a show of dominance for Bobby Lashley. It just so happened that said fan was training to become a professional wrestler. What are the odds? Like most of Santino's early matches (hell, most of his matches in general) this wasn't really a match. He kicked Umaga a few times, Umaga kicked his ass, Bobby Lashley came down and leveled Umaga with a chair, Santino wins the IC Title in front of his "home crowd" in Italy. In some ways it was cool, in other ways it was lame. It was a big moment, though, so big that I believe WWE released a DVD of that Italy tour over in Europe. I'll grade it for the moment if not the match.

My Grade: B

Interpromotional Match: Santino Marella vs. MVP (WWE Draft 2007)

This was Intercontinental Champion vs. United States Champion based off of a random draw. What are the odds? Oh, and a draft pick was at stake in this match as well. Do you really need me to tell you how this went? Santino got in a fair bit of offense, more than he got against anybody not named Chris Masters, but MVP cleanly beat him. Decent little match but not legendary. Could you imagine these two in the same ring now that Santino is heel, though?

My Grade: B-

Intercontinental Title Match: Santino Marella© vs. Umaga (Vengeance: Night of Champions)

By this time the crowd was starting to wear thin on Santino's bland face act. In fact, it was the crowd's reaction here that seemingly pushed Umaga into face territory for a little bit. Apparently WWE didn't want the IC Title to switch yet so they booked Umaga to get DQed. The only thing is the crowd loved it. They loved seeing Umaga kill the poor little guy, even chanting "One more time!" for the Samoan Spike. While the DQ ending was lame, the brutal beatdown was glorious!

My Grade: C

Intercontinental Title Match: Santino Marella© vs. Umaga (Raw, 7/2/07)

And this is the squash Vengeance: Night of Champions should have been. Umaga's gonna kill you…

My Grade: Should be N/A but I'll give it a C+ for the seeing face Santino get destroyed

Intercontinental Title Match: Umaga© vs. Santino Marella (Raw, 7/9/07)

Take Two. This match was the setup for Santino's heel turn. He started to "question" himself after this match and used having sex with Maria reaffirm his manliness. Well, I guess that works.

My Grade: OK, this one gets the N/A

No. 1 Contender's (IC Title), Fatal Four-Way Elimination Match: Santino Marella vs. Jeff Hardy vs. William Regal vs. Shelton Benjamin (Raw, 7/16/07)

This is probably the best match that Santino has been in since his WWE arrival. Then again he didn't play a big role in it and he had three very talented performers in there with him. Still, this was quite an enjoyable match and I believe it may even be a DVD extra on the Great American Bash DVD. The last vestiges of Santino's faceness were left behind in this match.

My Grade: B

Santino Marella vs. John Cena (Raw, 9/17/07)

If John Cena could beat Santino Marella then his father wouldn't have to face Randy Orton in a match. And John Cena DID beat Santino Marella…but not by pinfall, which was apparently important. So there you go, proof positive that the WWE Champion cannot beat the Italian Sensation. w00t!

My Grade: N/A

Santino Marella vs. Ron Simmons (Raw, 9/24/07)

Ever since Ron Simmons won a date with Maria on the WWE Dating Game he had been a thorn in Santino's side. Santino would go to great lengths to make sure that his Maria did not end up with that Sesame Street wannabe, even going out with Lillian, err, Jillian Hall to spy on them. Finally these two men met up in the ring. The mood was right. The atmosphere was set. These two titans battled to an epic…count out.

My Grade: D+

Santino Marella vs. Jerry "The King" Lawler (Raw, 11/12/07)

After having a feud with Stone Cold Steve Austin, Santino would turn his attention to Austin's friend Jim Ross. Now JR would not stand up to Santino but "Jerry ‘Stupid' Lawler" would. This would lead to a match that was quite fun. Santino sold better for Lawler than many of his young opponents do and the King even pulled off a rare win. Their rematch the following week wouldn't be quite as entertaining, but this one was a great one time deal.

My Grade: C+

Santino Marella vs. Chris Jericho (Raw, 11/26/07)

This was Chris Jericho's first match back in WWE after taking Santino up on his offer to "beat-a (him) up-pa right now." Santino got in a surprising amount of offense (although even that wasn't a lot) but at the end of the match he became the first superstar to fall victim to the Codebreaker.

My Grade: C

Santino Marella vs. Rob Van Dam (Raw XV)

Santino challenged any former Raw superstar in the back to a match, and who would answer but Mr. Monday Night. RVD spent more time celebrating during the match than he did actually fighting Santino, beating the former IC Champion in near record time.

My Grade: Again, this should be N/A but it was fun so we'll go with a B

Santino Marella & Carlito vs. Paul London & Brian Kendrick (Raw, 12/17/07)

And this brings us to last week's Raw. While I'm not a big fan of London & Kendrick becoming super jobbers on Raw, I like the pairing of Santino Marella & Carlito. Neither man is the most polished wrestler in the world but they should have great chemistry. These two should make a nice little tag team for a while and I wouldn't be opposed to a run with the World Tag Team Titles either.

My Grade: C+

So that's all that I have as it relates to Santino. In hindsight he didn't exactly have the best run of matches for me to do a Report Card on, but come on. It's Christmas Eve, do you really care what my grades are for so fun, comedy, wrestling matches? Enjoy the fun that a guy like Santino Marella brings to your wrestling viewing and more importantly enjoy the holidays.

The Shimmy Likes It Raw!

What's on tap for tonight's Tribute to the Troops show?

DX vs. Mr. Kennedy & Umaga; It's cool that the troops are going to get to see DX, I'm sure they'll enjoy that greatly.

Ron Simmons vs. Hardcore Holly; DAMN!

Rey Mysterio vs. Mark Henry; This could be interesting. I want to see the finish.

Layla & Kelly Kelly vs. Mickie James & Maria; Um, I know the soldiers aren't going to care in the slightest, but aren't Kelly and Layla feuding?

Jeff Hardy vs. Carlito; I'll be curious to see what the wonders of editing can do to that finish.

Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho; An Armageddon rematch! Hmmmm, Jericho, Tribute to the Troops…I wonder if anybody in particular might interfere?

Well, that does it for me. I hope you all have a great and safe Christmas and thanks for reading. I'll be back here next week. Until then, don't die. Clark…out!