The Way I C It 12.24.07: External Occipital Protuberance Week

Posted by Chris Lansdell on 12.24.2007

So I'm a mark for Gorilla Monsoon and people being dropped on their heads. Is that so wrong? Plus, How I C the week that was.

Greetings humanity! For some reason, I decided to bleach my hair this week. When you have jet black hair, you have to by stronger stuff to get anywhere near blond. And that shit stings. At least now I have gold hair. Pretty special.

I'm on a metaphorical high with the glorious Derby County umm...draw...on Sunday (hey, the way we've been playing...), and I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Apparently, there's some sort of holiday. In recognition of said holiday, I decided to give myself, and you readers, a gift: External Occipital Protuberance Week! More on that in a moment. But first, PIMPIN'!

The 411 Podcast crew are back, with the latest instalment of the awesome Attack of the RoHBots, hosted by the legendary Ari Berenstein. Ironically, he's not celebrating tomorrow. But he's an awesome writer.

TO STREAM: Simply press the play button on the podcast player.

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Hajime!

The Way I C RoH

BIG weekend coming up for RoH. Saturday night sees McGuinness – Aries, Morishima – Danielson, Hero – Castagnoli, and a Gang Warz~! Scramble that could be something special. Sunday, though, is even BIGGER, with the world title defended in a four way with either Aries or McGuinness, Hero, Morishima and Danielson. Plus the possibility of Sweeney in the ring, the Briscoes vs Jacobs and Black in something goofy (we ♥ spot monkeys) and a tables match that I will love.

I cannot wait for Undeniable on PPV. And not just for the title win – I hear it's quite the show.

The Way I C The T

For one match, there was a whole lot to talk about in the hardcore 4-way on Impact this week. Most of it involved moves. First, there was the seemingly random inclusion of Shark Boy. Personally, I think he was included to do the JOB and also to use the Codebreaker as much as possible. Minor bird-flip to WWE. Then Rellik débuts his finisher (JACKHAMMER as called by one of my loyal readers!), and thumbs his nose at Goldberg. Then Mesias débuts HIS finisher, which is remarkably similar to...Shelton Benjamin's!

Kaz continues to bring the awesome. I'd still like to see him with an average worker, just to make sure he can carry someone, before I anoint him the Next One.

The knock on AJ has always been his mic work. Well, once he got over the Spot Monkey label anyway. Seems like he's past that now. Wonder how hard Vinnie Mac is looking at him?

So Joe's new gimmick is he's a worked shoot guy? MEH. No strap, no care.

Dear TNA: Please to be firing the dead weight of people like VKM and give more time to Awesome KONG~!



The Way I C The E

I still don't care about the Major Brothers.

Miz and Morrison are doing so many amazing things right now. Problem is, Punk is taking a back seat to them, when one or both of them could be using their awesome against Punk's awesome.

Vince going la-la again...zzzzzzzzz. Although Regal did some nice stuff. Unless we get HHH-Regal, though, I still give it a Giant Meh.

Hardy continues to be pushed. But it's the wrong Hardy. Matt > Jeff, he's more balanced, better on the mic (well, less bad), and less likely to fall to Wellness. Still, it's a nice, fresh, well-deserved look.

Please, no more Hornswoggle. I know he gets huge pops, but he's turning Finlay into a nice guy! Finlay is supposed to be a Tough Irish Bastard. Me Finlay no dance Irish Jig, me smash brains! (Grimlock ruled all)

Is anyone else getting dry heaves watching Edge and Vicky?

The Way U C Me

Lots of email entries for the Bump of the Year and Move of the Year. Keep 'em coming folks! From the Comments:

Watch the clip from the wrestling encyclopedia he obviously lands on his ass. I can see if the other guy under rotates he could land on his head, but that guy lands on his posterior. And he lets go of the underhook half way, so it looks like a release canadian destroyer from the top rope.

Posted By: Same Adam as last time (Guest) on December 17, 2007 at 11:23 AM

I just don't see it the same way you do. Like I said last week, I've seen him hit it much better. It's contrived, but it's visually stunning and incredibly risky.

Dreamer nearly tore edges trousers

Posted By: pyro (Guest) on December 17, 2007 at 12:32 PM

Edge's mong for the epic loss!

How about the Desecrator by MsChif http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=dKxpHYTd798 shown at 1:00 in this video



Posted By: Chris (Guest) on December 17, 2007 at 02:04 PM

Wow, that video is full of epic win, including the Kudome Valentine, aka Vertebreaker, and the moonsault double stomp. See, all you WWE/TNA addicts, women can go. And then some.

Well it's not so much awesome selling than a bump, but RVD's selling of Randy Orton's RKO earlier in the year. It made the move look so vicious

Posted By: Registered (Guest) on December 17, 2007 at 04:58 PM

RVD deserves kudos for putting Orton over heavy before he left. He sold the RKO and the DDTs so well, I'd buy beachfront property in Baghdad from the man.

I have no problems with the Youtube clips. Sometimes a written desciption isn't enough and you need to actually see the thing be written about. A "Best Bumps of 07" column would be cool.

Posted By: JLAJRC (Guest) on December 17, 2007 at 06:03 PM

A few people emailed me in a similar vein, and a few to say the opposite. Majority support was firmly for the videos to continue, though. I still think I should cut them down, especially for moves you've likely all seen. The Best of...column will be next week, so send in your nominations and thoughts for Best and Worst Finisher, Best Spot, and Sickest Bump of 07. The best write-ups will be featured!

Smooth Moves volume 9 – External Occipital Protuberance

I'm sure a few of my younger readers are scratching their heads at the professional-sounding heading for this week's instalment. About 15 years ago, Gorilla Monsoon was busy being the best play by play guy on television. One of his trademarks was to say "Will you STOP!" to his heel colour guy, be it Jesse Ventura or Bobby Heenan. He also had a penchant for renaming body parts: the stomach became the bread basket, guts became intestinal fortitude, and the back of the head became the external occipital protuberance. Much to the bewilderment of his co-commentators.

So this week, we'll be concentrating on some moves that are noteworthy for the fact that they drop someone on their heads. And we'll start with a move that people have been clamouring for:

Vertebreaker The first time I saw this, I went nuts. It was a Nitro with some combination of Three Count vs Some combination of the Jung Dragons. Helms dropped someone on their neck and I was hooked. Of course, he didn't invent it.
Japanese female legend Megumi Kudo did so, calling it the Kudome Valentine, and it can be seen in the YouTube clip above, on Aja Kong. Helms and Homicide are the only ones to have used the move in the mainstream US, with Homicide still being allowed to use his version the Gringo/Cop Killa, in TNA. It is banned in WWE, as indeed are most moves we'll be discussing today.

I have heard rumours of a Vertebreaker being done from the top rope. I've never seen it, but if anyone knows more or has a clip, please let me know.

Emerald Flowsion The brainchild of Mitsuharu Misawa, Japan's answer to Verne Gagne, the Emerald Flowsion is seen in North America as the Snow Plow of Al Snow. There may well be other people using it, but they have all slipped my mind. That'll teach me to write 2 days before Christmas! Here's Misawa's standard version:



Misawa has degraded so much over the last few years, and everyone but him can see it. He's the Ric Flair of Japan as much as the Verne Gagne. Here's his variant, Emerald Flowsion Custom:



Beautiful. Misawa is responsible for so many of my favourite moves, I wish I had had a chance to see more of him in his prime. Good puro is hard to get over here, let alone good OLD puro. The Custom Flowsion leads nicely into my next move...

Steiner Screwdriver One of the nastiest moves to be used in the WWF/E, the Steiner Screwdriver was actually innovated, you guessed it, in Japan by Tatsuhito Takaiwa, who named it the Takaiwa Driver. Those Japanese love their Drivers. On one of his many trips to the Orient, Scott Steiner picked this move up and brought it home, first using it in WCW and then the WWF.



And here's the move's innovator, doing it from the top:



I know we've discussed it before, but it's ridiculous to believe that nobody has ever died in the ring in Japan with the moves these guys pull out. Dude in this clip got dropped on his head from the top rope. Yes, he was well protected, but the risk factor is so much higher than Jeff Hardy jumping of 20 foot ladders. Is it necessary for a great match? Probably not, we've seen some great matches in the mainstream without huge risks. But, as I've stated before, the odd big move that we hardly see makes the major matches feel that much more special.

Ganso Bomb Ah, where to begin. Many of you will have seen the Ganso Bomb when Kevin Nash botched a power bomb on The Giant in WCW. However, it was first used by Toshiaki Kawada, in one of his many amazing matches with Mitsuharu Misawa.

Opinion is split as to whether the move was invented intentionally, or by accident. Kawada himself has never said one way or the other, although he denies naming the move. Those who think it was accidental say that Kawada was going for a normal power bomb, but due to having broken or badly hurt his forearm earlier in the match, he could not get the proper elevation and Misawa slipped. Some also say Misawa was too sweaty. Here's the clip, decide for yourselves:



Me? I think it was planned. The way the drop-down happened, it was too deliberate to have been a botch. Compare that with the Nash botch here:



It's clear here that this was accidental, both from the speed of the drop and the way Nash drops to ask if The Giant is still alive. With the Kawada one, he lowers him almost to a Styles Clash position before unceremoniously dumping him on his head.

Schwein Last move for this week is CIMA's iconic Schwein. Often mistakenly called an Air Raid Crash, which WWE fans will know as the Celtic Cross, the Schwein is more elevated and drops on the neck more. CIMA developed both a standard and a wrist clutch version. The wrist clutch, known as the Redline, can be seen here:



It gets worse: he has, on occasion, busted this out from the top. One thing I should mention about the Schwein is that it is also used by Indy and Japan wrestler Mike Modest, one of those guys who always looked like he could have made the next step. Why is this important? Anyone who's seen Beyond the Mat will have seen Modest hit the move on Tony Jones, prompting a huge reaction from Cornette and Jim Ross. If you can impress those two with a move, you've done something right. By the way, anyone know who threatened to steal it?

Well guys and girls, that's game, set and match. Enjoy the holiday season, whatever your reason for it is, and please send all thoughts and feedback my way.

Lansdellicious – Out. Surimate!