Truth B Told 12.27.07: No Receipt, No Return

Posted by Bayani Domingo on 12.27.2007

Sometimes the best gift you can give someone…is the gift receipt. After a year to reflect on all the gifts we got from the world of wrestling, 411's Bayani Domingo looks at the presents he’d rather trade in for a sweater that fits and box of porn.

You know, I am pretty much giving up on X-mas from here on. It seems to be a very rare occasion that I actually got a gift back from someone that was better or at least as good as the gift I gave them. It actually worked out that I got a few gifts I liked this season, one through a secret Santa, the other my girlfriend gave me. I'm scared as hell to try out the new iPhone, but what the hell. I just want to get "Crazy Bitch" by Buckcherry back as my ringtone. Now that is what you want blaring during a staff meeting. The only problem is that I wasn't sure how to set it for individual callers so now I got "Hey…you're a crazy bitch, but you fuck so good I'm on top of it" playing when my grandma or my Optometrist calls. Still for the most part it was a total washout on the gift exchange.

I hate it when people give me shit that they just KNOW I have no use for. "Yeah, it was quite a flight up here…oh…well look at that, you got me a pizza oven. Fantastic, I'll just fit that into one of my two carry-on items and it should be fine. Yeah, I'll just shift some stuff in my laptop case and I'll fit that 45 lbs box no problem next to my extension chord and business cards. I was just marveling the other day as to how much easier it would be to spend 3 hours making a food product I could otherwise have in 12 mins if I just drove down the street." The worst is when you get the gift that is a totally generic gift. Like a button up shirt from Old Navy in XL or a one pound box of chocolates from See's candy. Yeah, I need a whole fuckin' pound of chocolate during the holidays. I don't get enough opportunities to choke down an entire pound of candy by myself, I'm too busy shopping for a sweater that is actually your size of fashioning a handmade belt out of a deer hide I shot and skinned myself to figure out how to drive to a fuckin' mall for a pound of candy. Awesome. How would you be a dear and fetch me my diabetes medicine ya fuckin' ass monkey? I need to get set to tuck into this ‘betes in a box you just gave me. Enjoy the belt, I hope you aren't allergic to deer."

I kind of got screwed this year, but fear not because I did get a few good gifts as many of you probably did, but more importantly I also got a few good gift receipts. Because of all the great things we got this year from wrestling there are a few things I'd love to take back. No I'm not taking back the assertion that El Generico is THE most underrated wrestler on the Indy scene, nor am I taking back my insistence that Randy Orton's tight t-shirt, and black jockeys with knee high boots outfit is the gayest thing I've seen since I walked into the room at my sister's house two days ago and "Celebration on Ice" featuring the live singing of Clay Aiken accompanying ice skating was in full-effect. I mean, Clay Aiken + Ice Skating?? That is just uber gay. I mean, there is probably a gay couple in Colorado making their ‘commitment ceremony' plans who accidentally tuned into that and said, "Well fuck me in the ass with a bottle of Tab, that is just too gay…seriously Jeff…that is just too gay…turn on a 7 man greek gang bang or something to dial down the gay a bit will ya? It's enough to make me want to lick vagina or something. My word."

I'm just saying there are a few thing I'd take back if I still had the receipt. Among them are:

My criticism of John Cena - Fair enough John Cena the "man" seems to be a very upright and down mofo. No complaints from anyone, no "diva-ish" attitudes and the man does whatever he is told and seems to love the business. In the ring he's improved leaps and bounds, not in terms of moveset mind you, but the man tells a great story, bumps like a fiend and has been much less sloppy. I will NOT however take back my criticisms of the John Cena the "Booking". The man has an absolutely unreal push behind him. If Vince McMahon was alive during the old Testament I really believe he would have had John Cena rise on the day AFTER his crucifixion. That lazy Jesus just got a long weekend is all.

Randy Orton's Mic time - I don't hate Orton. I hate the fact that he's booked like a bitch and can't cut a decent promo longer than 20 seconds. Just keep it short. They did that with Batista, they did it with Lesner, they did it with Goldberg. Nothing wrong with hiding a guy's weakness. Orton has the look, the body, the youth, size, and athleticism to go far. He has a great cocky charisma that makes people want to see Bin Laden actually go over him, but they just can't seem to teach him how to speak yet. Edge, JBL, Eddie, HHH, Flair, all great examples of heels who could use the stick. Orton knocks how to work the stick only on both knees and after a free steak dinner. Cut his mic time and book him like a legit bad ass. Otherwise he's just an evil A&F model who hates everyone and can't find his cargo shorts.

Nigel's Title win - Don't get me wrong, the man deserved the win, but his injury is putting his reign in question and the win against Morishima seemed to be ill prepared. I was hoping for a better built up title win and even though the surprise was great, Nigel deserved a better built win. Oh and while we're at it, let's take away the title retention by the Briscoes against Steen-Erico. Was there any harm in letting the Canadians hold the belt for a few weeks? Oh wait…I guess there was, eh?

Vince Russo - Yeah, a man who tried to work every angle he could on the fans found an angle no one had thought to employ before. Karen.

Wellness - Maybe it's just me, but I could give a rat's ass who is on the "juice" and who is clean. If a wrestler decides to do it, it's at their own risk, if they feel they are going to get fired because they can't "look the part" then maybe they should get out of the company of the business. I actually think all wrestlers should be in at least decent to good shape. Unless it's your gimmick to be fat, lazy, and extremely unattractive to any living thing possible. Only I can't imagine which fed is going to give someone a "Internet Columnist" gimmick any time soon. Wait…Chris Harris is just one more or two more "4th Meals" away from starting it.

My Super Dragon is fat jokes - Yeah, he really is PWG. I hate to admit it. The man has earned some respect and without him PWG is really more W and G than P. Still the guy is pretty chubby now and his suit is still one of the warmest around with that black outfit and mask. He doesn't even sweat anymore…he just self bastes. Sorry, that's the last one, I swear.

My doubt in Women's Wrestling - That really extends more to TNA and SHIMMER than WWE. I will admit that while the "e" still has the best ‘bonable" talent of any fed, they are still light years behind having a credible division. I mean it took this long for them to realize that Mickie James was still a lesbo. If it were up to me she would have been molesting the rest of the division months ago with her new finisher; The Power of the Fist.

The Outsiders getting jobs - Hall, Nash, Waltman. Geeeez, that's not only the biggest waste of money in wrestling, but the worst law firm you'd ever want to hire. At this point the next job I think Hall should be entitled to is a foot one. Not bad work if you can get it…so long as it all shakes out already.

Yeah, there are some other things as well; my belief in a Samoa Joe title reign, the cruiserweight division, CM Punk as a face, Joey Ryan's plum smugglers, Hornswoggle, Big Daddy V's ‘bro', and any time they let JR get away with calling 28 moves each show the "impaler". But for the most part the year hasn't been bad. Could have been better, could have been better put together, much like this column. But also like this column…people just got lazy, nothing made sense, and most of this shit was written at like 2 am. So there you go. A few things to think about. As for me…I'm 3 hours late for a date with a little lady called "shut eye". It's family name…they must be hippies.

The Truth

The truth is…you're lucky I even wrote anything this week. Be happy for the few paragraphs, enjoy the pics and tune in next week when I'm back at my job and have nothing better to do than obsess over why Jeff Hardy gets a title shot and Samoa Joe just gets a prostate exam…with no hands.

Coming Up Short

Does anyone have any idea what the hell is going on with the Tag Team titles in TNA? They HAD a boat load of good teams in the division. Now the tag champs are feuding with Christian, 3D and MCMGs are feuding without the belt and around the X-Title, LAX went from THE tag team of the year to mid-card fodder, and they broke up the most successful tag team in TNA history so that Storm could be a parody of Scott Hall and Harris could be Chris Jericho's last gimmick in WCW before he left. My Gawd, for a company with so much talent and such a great track record in '06 for Tag Division success they sure have come up short in '07. Let's just hope that the coming year gives us a long run for the Machine Guns with the title and the feud against LAX that EVERYONE is waiting for.

6 Degrees of…



Well no one entered last week and I figured I'd go ahead and throw some of the "commenters" a boner…I mean a bone this week and add a little Latin Flava into the mix. So by popular demand…Mayra Veronica and that bangin' body. Feliz Navidad bitches!! Well I figure since every Holiday in TNA seems to be "make AJ dress like a retard" day, I would let him get a little more press this week. I wonder if they're going to make him dress like a bunny for Easter. Or Jesus. Either/or.

Btw, rest assured, Asian bitches are here to stay…but I guess it doesn't hurt to diversify one's "spank bank" portfolio every now and again. Anyone got any "Amish Bitches Lookin' Good" pics?




Whatchu talkin' bout readers?

Hi. I am trying to get good DVD copies of WWF house shows from 1987-1992. Do you by any chance know anyone who sells them or who has them? I'm having trouble tracking them down. Billy

You got me on this one Billy. To be honest I have no idea where you would find these. I'm not even sure these were taped or readily available. I'm sure there are some tape traders out there who might know of a place you can find a few so I'm throwing it out to my readers. Anyone have a clue, just e-mail me and we'll try to get Billy those tapes.

6 Degrees Results

#1.

Anyways - here are the 6 degrees that I could come up with BB to DJ.

Brooklyn Brawler was also Kamala's handler - Kim Chee
Kimchi is a delicacy from Korea
The TV show MASH took place in Korea (and even featured an episode when
Frank Burns is searching for Gold, but only finds Kimchi pots underground.
The TV show featured Jamie Farr
Jamie Farr played the ghost of Jacob Marley in Scrooged, which also featured...
David Johannsen

Brooklyn Brawler was also Abe Knuckleball Schwartz
Some people credit the development on the knuckleball pitch to Lew "Hicks"
Moran who played with the Philadelphia Phillies
One of Philly's most famous athletes is Doctor J Julius Erving
Doctor J appeared in "The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh" with Jonathan Winters
Jonathan Winters appears in Moon Over Parador with Richard Dreyfus
Richard Dreyfus was in Let it Ride with...David Johansen

Rob Carbone

Well Rob, not the most eloquent submissions ever but…well you had no competition. Sometimes it's better to be the only guy who entered than good. Yeah, you won't find that on any motivational posters. Still, you won, meaning next week you get to pick one participant in 6DO.

Left Overs…

I think I figured out how Jeff Hardy got his big "push". The WWE has been getting a lot of pressure to finally showcase a "person of color" for years. Damn that "Affirmative Actions".

What the fuck happened to Kevin Thorne? I heard he was going to come back in a big feud with Johnny Jeter. But who would buy that feud? I mean, a cheerleader fighting off a vampire? Sheeesh.

Sunny and Sable at each other's throats? That would be the greatest wet dream of 1997. Now it's like "The Real Housewives of Orange County". Only replace "Orange County" with "8 mile".

When Danielson meets Morishima in the ring the "Cattle Mutilation" will not only be Danielson's best chance of victory, it will also be Morishima's pre-meal snack.

I don't follow as much CHIKARA as some guys here, but how the hell aren't Cheech and Cloudy in the Vulture Squad by now? I mean, with names like that? The only way they would be better made for that stable is if they were actual vultures. No, I mean actual winged muthafuckas that swoop down and eat dead water buffalos. Real talk people…real talk.

You know what I wanted to see on that Iraq X-mas special? Osama Bin Laden to show up…just so John Cena could make him tap out to the STFU. You know if anyone could book Bin Laden it would be Vinny Mac. I mean, he'd have Khali and Mark Henry run in to save Bin Laden at the last second to knock out the ref and keep Osama looking strong, but still…you had to believe there was a decent chance it would go down.

Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week



Yeah, what she said.

Pimpin' In High Places

Look people, there is a lot of good stuff to read this week. unfortunately I'm too busy being on vacation to link them all or read them. SO…why don't you go ahead and read them and let me know how they were. Of course Csonka has his Views of the News, Sammy has his IMC, Ari probably did a bang up job on his "Final Battle" preview, Cook might just have been able to stay sober enough to do 411, or not. Garoon and Campbell nose to nose in Fact or Fiction, Jules has his Top 10 of…something, Westefeld has a small embolism, and Lansdell probably showcases the history of the Bronco Buster (no, not the bar he often frequents in the "red light district"). Oh and if you got nothing better to do while killing time since everyone but YOU still had vacation days left at work…there's Small. But yeah, other stuff is happening and you should stay tuned as the coverage of the "Year End Awards" are just around the corner.

I didn't want to write a column this week, as you can tell. Basically I started this sucker late last night because I, like most of you, were busy the last week or so with X-mas festivities, travel, and parties. So yeah, next week it's back to the regular format, that is to say…none at all. Enjoy the rest of your vacation if you have it and if not, enjoy the fact that no one gives a flying shit what you do at work this week. Save a shot of Jaeger for ol' B this year on New Years.

Till then, the Truth will set you free.

-B