Truth B Told 1.03.08: The Defense Rests

Posted by Bayani Domingo on 01.03.2008

New Year, New Policy. 2008 will be a “Don’t ask, don’t tell” year when it comes to wrestling for TBT.

I love the city of Seattle, too bad it's a depressing pit of soggy sarcasm. It's the city I grew up in and the city I'll eventually die in, but my GAWD is it depressing to come back home to see how much of the city has become yuppie, over priced, and consistently overcast and rainy. People always ask me how I could have lived in such a dreary and depressing place and why I would ever plan on moving back, especially now that I love in glitzy and glamorous LA where the people and weather are beautiful. The only real response I have is, "It's my home, it's where I grew up, it's where the people I love the most are, and at least it's genuine and honest about what it is." It's not the most glowing or poetic explanation I can give, but that's pretty much it. To be honest, I'm just tired of having to defend the city I love; in fact, I'm just tired of having to defend a lot of things.

I met someone over the break that flat out said, "you know, I just don't like you, we would never hang out or be friends or anything, there is just nothing about you that makes me want to know you". I said, "Cool, same here". Now usually I would lay into this chick but I was cautioned I should "let it slide" since she had been battling Cancer and deserved some "slack". Yeah, not sure how that gave her free license to be an uber-bitch to me, but I gave her a rare ‘pass' because she seemed a bit hardened and it hardly seemed worth the trouble because once someone has you on the defense then they're in control no matter how wrong they might be. But that's not really the point, I guess the point was that I hear this chick trying to tell me off and "put me in my place" because somehow it must have made her feel better, but for the first time in my life I just didn't care, I just didn't feel the need to have to defend myself and make someone agree with me. I hear that's what people call, "Growing up".

I mean, here I am at a bar having this conversation with this total strange and this chick is just letting me know she's thinks I'm an arrogant, chauvinistic asshole and I didn't say one mean thing back, so I think she did get a lot of ‘slack'. The thing is that I could probably see how she came to this conclusion, albeit a very hasty one for knowing someone for all of two hours. I'm sure to some people I come off as a cocky, macho, asshole. But you know, those aren't really my "target audience" when it comes to having relationships. I know I'm kind of cocky, I know I have this aura of being macho, but I'm hardly an asshole. I'm a jerk. The difference between an asshole and a jerk? The comedic flair.

You just get to the point where you either have to decide whether you want to keep changing for people who have nothing invested in you and visa versa or just be happy with who you are. That's not to say I'm perfect, I got a lot of fucked up things about me I know I need to work on, but for the most part I can be happy with the fact that my existence on this planet and the actions I take every day are doing more good than harm, how many people can really say that themselves? That wasn't the first time though during my vacation I had to defend something. As it always happens my ‘fandom' came into question as well when it comes to wrestling and of course my decision to actually take the time to write about a ‘fake sport'.

Friday night my dad was watching TV after dinner and he was flipping channels and Smackdown was on, it was the "Best of ‘07" which turned out to be a good show and I told him to stop. We watched it for a while before he asked me how I could watch a sport that was fake. I told him it wasn't "fake" it was predetermined. While people weren't getting as badly hurt as they made it look, it still hurt, people still had to be athletic enough to do what they did, and while it wasn't 100% real it was entertaining. It wasn't any different than watching any other TV show or sporting event. The only difference is that it was more rigged than baseball and less rigged than basketball. He watched a little longer then did remark how they must have to practice a lot to make it look like they're getting hurt and not break their neck and then went to bed. On a couple of other occasions a cousin or aunt asked if I was still writing for a wrestling website and I sheepishly said yes, then changed the subject hoping that no one else heard. For one thing I didn't want to have to keep explaining why I liked wrestling, the other being that my writing style for 411 isn't really conducive to having my younger cousins or Lola read up about the latest Lita/cornholing joke or weekly ‘Asian Bitch' pic.

While I'll admit that I am still a bit embarrassed to publicly talk to my friends and family about my love of professional wrestling I am not ashamed to be a fan. For the most part it has to do with just accepting wrestling for what it is "entertainment and athletics" and not worry about what other people think it is. I don't take wrestling all that seriously, just as I don't take my writing that seriously most of the time. While I wish I could contribute something "life affirming and magnanimous" every time out, its kind of hard to when you're covering the bastard leprechaun child of Vince McMahon and a man called "Black Machismo". To me, wrestling isn't drama, to me wrestling isn't about ‘good vs evil', to me wrestling is about having fun and seeing some unbelievable things happen in the ring and for a split second believing that it might be real, if even just a little bit.

It's hard to sit there and defend something that you know in your heart has no true defense, I think that's because of all the things around it that have been set up to tear it down. After the "Golden Age" of wrestling passed us by the rise of MMA and Reality TV came about and pushed all the notions of the realism of professional wresting with it. The "bigger than life" characters had to become more real than ever after the "Attitude Era", and with so many Indy wrestling companies popping up the amount of people who can claim to be "pro wrestlers" has increased to the point where you or I could put on some tights and fly around a ring and not be that far out of place on a typical Indy roster. When you look at guys who couldn't cut it in the Pro Wrestling world like Chris Masters, Mohammed Hassan, and Sean Stasiak, then you look at guys like Mike Quackenbush, Samoa Joe, Jimmy Yang, and others who no one off the street would think of as your stereotypical wrestler it is obvious that perception of pro wrestlers as individuals has really changed since the days of Jesse "The Body" Ventura and Hulk Hogan roamed the ring.

There is no true defense for loving Pro Wrestling not because it is so ridiculous that you can't possibly explain it, but because it doesn't need any. If you asked someone if they wanted a pop and they said they wanted Pepsi and not Coke, would you grill them as to why Pepsi is better? If someone likes Red Heads over Blondes does that make them immature and childish? Has anyone ever gotten into an argument with someone because they like a show about a bunch of strangers trapped on a mysterious island with all manners of ridiculous traps and plot twists, or because they happen to like Hockey and don't follow the NFL? It's a preference, it's a choice. I happen to not understand Golf or figure skating at all but I'll be damned if people don't spend tons of money watching or doing both. Why is Pro Wrestling any different? It sucks that the only way that I can defend wrestling or explain my enjoyment of it is by basically downplaying it and saying it's merely ‘entertainment' and it's a great kind of "male release" to see guys beat the hell out of each other, but have any of you tried really explaining the nuances of a great high flying X-Division match or RoH scramble as opposed to a mindless and sloppy ‘spotfest'? Or the deep history and ramifications of the "Montreal Screw Job"? Forget about it. Sometimes it's just easier to throw out a quick response and just let it blow over, just like its easier to let a cancer survivor tell you off for a half hour because they feel its their duty as a ‘strong independent woman' rather than just look her in the eye and tell her you have no problem hitting a woman if she wants to take a swing. And just for the record…I would. Hey, no one is above an ass whooping if they deserve it. That's real talk.

What this really all boils down to is that I'm not going to make anymore excuses this year for wrestling. I just can't. With the Chris Benoit tragedy, steroid scandal, and goofiness that is bad booking and cartoonish angles, as well as back yarders entering more and more Indy feds it seems almost impossible to legitimize the ‘sport' that I love. But at the same time it seems almost disrespectful to pass off Pro Wrestling as a mere "TV Show" or "side show" of sorts. Because there really are guys risking their lives in the ring, sacrificing, working hard, missing their families while traveling for months on end just to try and make a living doing what they do. So while I can't take wrestling too seriously, I don't want to disrespect it and the workers by not taking it seriously at all. It's a fine line, it's hard to really comprehend myself, so I won't even bother trying to do that to other people who don't understand that a couple of guys in spandex and knee high boots can seem to make so many problems disappear for a few minutes and give a couple thousand or even just a couple dozen people so much joy for a short while. I'm not going to defend my ‘fandom' anymore, simply because I don't have to. It is what it is, I apologize for nothing. Which is a lot like my writing, only with less speling errers.

The Truth

Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to agree with you. Even fewer people are going to understand the simple joys of watching a man fall off a tall ladder into several flaming tables covered in tacks and barbed wire. So why worry about it? I realize that there are really only two kinds of people in the world: Those who like wrestling, and those who just don't get it and think it's asisine. If you spend too much time trying to turn the latter into the former you are going to waste a hell of a lot of time. I found the best approach is to just answer the question of "do you really like watching wrestling? You know it's fake right?" in the following way: "Yes, I like watching wrestling and yes I know it's fake...but at least it's not as fake as anything on Fox or C-Span." Its hard to be a wrestling fan because its not not acceptable in today's society to like it. I'll be damned if you can watch dog shows and Bi-sexual dating reality shows, but if you enjoy seeing a man get body slammed you're a weirdo. Screw it. You have to be thick skinned to be a wrestling fan, you have to be unashamed to truly enjoy the experience. If anyone tries to tell you any different, just let it roll off your back. Be a fan, you don't own anyone an explanation, and it is what it is. Now feel free to get back to cyber stalking BJ Whitmer on myspace. On second thought...maybe you do owe someone an explanation.


Coming Up Short

I hear the match between Aries and Nigel for the RoH World Title was brutal. So brutal that Nigel had to miss "Final Battle". That's not good. I hear the rest of the show was very good and that everyone pitched in to make up for it, which is great to hear. That's probably in my cue for the next RoH DVD binge once my wallet gets back in shape after the holidays have passed. But the problem is that either Nigel is a bit injury prone, or his matches aren't being worked safely enough. After missing time with an arm injury it looks like Nigel came back early for nothing since he didn't even make it to "Final Battle". If anything they should have saved his last match of the year for the 4-Way. I know Aries did a great job and the match was reportedly excellent, but still, not having your Champion defending the belt on the last big show of the year is a big loss. I hope this is a string of unrelated coincidence and Nigel gets back healthy and ready to perform in 2008 to the level we know he can, because if not I fear his title reign and health are due to come up very short in the New Year.

6 Degrees of…



So now that I'm officially "That Guy", I am now obsessed with these kind of shows that show morbidly obese people being …well morbidly obese. I was watching the "Fatass-athon" on TLC and it had "Half Ton Man", and "I Eat 33,000 a Day", "World's Fattest Woman", "I accidentally sat on my dog a year ago and killed it and I still can't find it betwixt my cheeks and it's starting to smell something awful", and other fine documentaries. I also got into watching "Biggest Loser". This year's winner was
Bill Germanakos who is my height, 5'8", but was 334 lbs. Holy fried bacon wrapped cheese Batman. He lost 164 lbs and now weights 170 lbs. which is like…18 lbs lighter than me. Damn, I am a fat ass. Well even though Bill was last year's "Biggest Loser" we have another man who was 2008's "First Loser"…



The Miz. Who wrestled on the first televised show of 2008…and took the pinfall against Yang and Moore. Wait…is that Tag Team called "Moore Wang"? What the…well, Miz laid down for ‘Moore Wang' and became the first official loser of 2008. Which extends the title he held in 2007. Its your job this week to link Bill and The Miz in 6 exact, and complete, degrees this week if you should so decide to do so. If not, I guess that gives you more time to think of clever names for Jimmy Moore Wang…or whoever those guys are. Maybe "Fallout Cowboy"?


Whatchu talkin' bout readers?

Now this is the kind of swag I'm talkin' about people:

Hey B how's it's going, I haven't written in awhile but I've been watching and reading. I assume by the time you read this you would have heard about the next ring of honor ppv being held in Philly. Which was fantastic news to myself and my fellow PA residents. So of course I bought tickets the second I heard, and managed to get 3rd row. Now I don't know what it is you "do" for a living but I do know it involves some travel. So just to put it out there if your able to "move on up to the east side" around 03/15/08 I got a extra ticket with your name on it. No BS. If you can find your way out there cool, if not then at least your guaranteed a 1st person account of what goes down. ( I'll expect my TBT press pass in the mail anyday now) Until then keep it real, damn real

B M PUNK

I'll be damned but that is a tempting offer. If I could figure a way out to Philly I would be on it, unfortunately the chance of me being able to convince the company to send me out East is about as likely as Bobby Dempsey defending his RoH World Title on the same show. Then again who knows, I guess I better start hustling and figuring out why a "Senior Contract Manager" in the Western Region would need to visit a vendor in Philly. Uh...maybe a long term contract involving cheesesteaks and cream cheese. I will however expect that first hand account to be handed in and typed up in ‘wingding'. I'll work on the press pass, but it won't so much get you into any event for free or backstage as much as it counts towards a ‘2 for 1' Lapdance at the Spearmint Rhino.

Nothing much more on the e-mail side…at least the "Commentors" are busy though. Let's take a look at my favorite from last week:

ONE THING I JUST FOUND OUT IS THAT YOU ARE FOUL, DISGUSTING, GROSS PERSON. MAY THE UNIVERSE GIVE YOU BACK THE WORST OF EVERYTHING.

Posted By: JJ

Okay so my gut reaction was how the hell did my ex-girlfriend find out I write for 411. then my next reaction was…"So... JJ is wishing TNA's booking on me? Am I going to debut in a mask and a skirt and job out to Sharkboy and Johnny Devine with the name PukcuF" Man, that is harsh JJ. For that I am not making you a dozen of my Cadbury Balut eggs for Easter this year. With a special chocolate baby duck fetus inside. Mmm…delicious.

6 Degrees Results

No entries this week? Man, you guys are making my job easy. Or this segment kind of pointless…

Left Overs…

Torrie Wilson is opening up a clothing store with Nick Mitchell called "Jaded". Which kind of fits Nicky's career, although I would think they should name it after Torrie and call it "Hungry". She said she loves clothes but couldn't find the kind of stuff she wanted in Woodlands, Texas. Are you kidding me? You're telling me that they don't have a "Forever 16 lbs" in Texas? I guess if each of my tits was the same circumference as my waist I'd have a hard time finding cute overalls too.

Big Vision Entertainment, Yep the WSX guys, are releasing a DVD called: Best of Rey Misterio Jr - The Early Years. It will feature many matches Rey Rey had early in his career before ECW, like struggles against Psicosis, Juvi, Pentagon, and stuff on the Top Shelf of the pantry.

Panic! at the Necro are the new RoH World Tag Team Champions, as I predicted two weeks ago I might add. They beat the Briscoes in a hard fought battle, I guess the Briscoes now have two heated rivals they can't seem to handle. #1 is the Age of the Fallout Boy, and #2 is Dental Insurance.

Brock Lesner being on the cover of "Muscle & Fitness Magazine" now that he's almost irrelevant is kind of like featuring Scott Baio on "Tiger Beat".

So as a "Spoiler" one of the things that's going to be on TNA's PPV this weekend is AJ Styles choosing between Kurt Angle and Christian Cage. I really hope they do a ‘rose ceremony' for this. This better turn out less disappointing than the finale to "Shot at Love with Tila Tequila" when she had to choose between Hillary Swank in "Boys Don't Cry" and "Every dude who only orders Vodka and Redbull and still uses the word ‘chillax' when asked what he did Saturday Night".

Maria in Playboy? She apparently said she'd love to be the next Buck Naked Diva in the skin mag. I am all for it, in fact in anticipation I will go ahead and rub one out tonight so I am adequately prepared for it in 2 months.

Coachman is new Smackdown commentator? Going from a "Wrestling Gawd" to "The Coach"?? Talk about a downgrade. Its like dating Britney Spears in 2001 and then having her call you up for a Booty Call this weekend. Yeeeesh. "Oh yeah, gimme gimme more….gimme more…spank me, pull my hair…Oh it's there in the drawer, the top one".

I guess ex-RoH and TNA star Amazing Red is rehabbing to make it back to the squared circle. I was originally confused by the news since when I saw the headline "Amazing Red makes a comeback" I clicked on it hoping to see another crotch shot of Lindsay Lohan.

Mercedes Martinez is the newest member of the Vulture Squad. Which makes no sense what so ever. I know people were backing up the decision to add Jigsaw to the VS, but Mercedes Martinez? How the hell does she fit in other than all of the other Stables picking up females too? AotF has Lacey, Sweet n' Sour Inc has Sara Del Rey, I guess the No Remorse Corp and Hangman 3 are the only guys left. I guess they could fight over Lita now that she's out of the WWE, who else embodies "No Remorse" more than her and who else could handle 3 Hungmen at a time? Oh and Hagadorn can hold the camera.

Weekly Asian Hotness



Yes, I know you shaved under there...now what about under...*there*??

Bonus British Bitch



How many "pounds" do you think she'd let me get for a dollar?

Pimpin' In High Places

Say what you will about the writing here at 411 and granted not everyone loves every writer or column or news segment we trot out each week, but it ain't easy to keep on writing and finding something worth writing about each week. There's no "Christmas Vacation" here at 411 and if it wasn't for these fine men you would probably be bored stiff and devoid of anything wrestling noteworthy over your break. Or you could have surfed "insidepulse", naww…you'd just probably be bored.:

Ask 411 is chock full of interesting tidbits this week. Namely the myspace pages of a few wrestlers. I wonder how many times Cook had to change his myspace tag before Traci Brooks and Sara Del Rey finally approved him. It probably didn't help that he went with "Pelle Primeau" as his 3rd alias.

Mattis has his best of Wrestling and MMA this week. I wonder which list Puder, O'Haire, and Lesner will be on?

Sully wasn't around for his usually Happy/Sucky thing so he got Dustin James to fill in. Why does that sound like Black Reign joining VKM?

411's Year End Awards kicks off here. No awards for "Hottest Asian Bitch in a Wrestling Column" this year…maybe '08.

CoH has the 1st of 6 parts of the "Final Column". I really screwed up as I was supposed to be a contributor but forgot to take my Flash Drive with the goods with me on vacation. I owe Ari big time for the f*ck up. I hope he likes the Holiday Ham stuffed with cheese I sent him.

Our Take: TNA "Awards" is the unholy alliance of Csonka and Cook taking on TNA. Which…if you re-read that sentence sounds like the making for an awkward porno.

Chrissy Lansdell plays ‘Nostradumbass' this week and tries to predict the future. My prediction is that come May Lansdell will be sending in an application to wrestlezone and entitling the e-mail, "They used to like it at 411".

Sammy features one of my favorite "Comedy" matches out of PWG last year; Stalker Ichikawa Z vs Don Fuji. Little does Sammy know it was myself and a few friends who brought the towels pre-match. And the streamers. Yeah, we're geeks like that, at least I got a cool myspace pic out of it. Although I was hoping for the left Stalker ear.

D-Dubya features his favorite matches of 2008. I guess "predictions" are the in thing this week. I should go with, "Worst Columns of 2008". I kind of feel like I'm going to be phoning it in on March 27th.

Time for some PWG up in this Muthafunkin' New Year!! In case anyone isn't busy this weekend a little thing called; All-Star Weekend 6 is going down. Hope to see you guys on Saturday and Sunday in Van Nuys, drop by, say what's up and wear your hippest ‘TBT Baby Tee'. Hell, go ahead and wear the "I <3 Hot Asian Bitches" trucker hat too. I'm tellin' you that I need a serious franchise here.

Till then, the Truth will set you free.

-B