Here is a quick explanation of the 4R's. I will take the 4 main shows (5 if I go RetRo) of the week: TNA Impact, WWE Raw, ECW on Sci-Fi and WWE Smackdown. If we have a PPV, that show will get a special PPV edition of the R's all to its own. I then group my feelings on the shows in various categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and need discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied or go the wrong way the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles, Diva searches and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come. This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a "mark" column, nor a "smark" column, I cannot speak for Geoff, but my goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. There are also occasions where I will bring out a 4th, 5th or even a 6th R to the column, so beware of those~! I will not apologize for my opinions, they are as they are, whether very positive or negative.
PODCAST-A-PALOOZA
411's back with another huge podcast broadcast! Larry and the Wife have returned after a two-week hiatus to give out prizes, discuss the greatness of Kong vs. Kim and their free TV follow up. We'll then move onto talk of Chris Harris leaving TNA and the possibility of Ron Killings signing with WWE. From there we move onto DEAR CHRISTI and then give out the details for the next contest! Check out the latest podcast of Larry and the Wife below!
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The Motor City Machineguns get back some momentum…: The opener on Impact saw some good tag team action, with the MCMG's facing off with what is left of XXX. It was a short opener, 4-minutes or so, but they did what an opener is supposed to do. First of all they put out people the fans know and that have the ability to excite the crowd. The Guns are massively over, so it was an easy call. Secondly, the opener shouldn't steal the show. It should get people hot; get them into the show while being a good match. This match did that. The Guns get back some momentum, and now they will have to answer the challenge of 3D next week. This was a fine little match to kick off the show.
Tomko is his own man: I have to say I am really enjoying Tomko as of late. He is his own man and one of the few people that haven't been damaged by shitty booking. He's a complete bad ass that has no fear, kicks ass and is just coming off extremely well. He killed Sharky last week, and looked great. Tomko can keep being awesome and I will be completely happy.
Booker's Interview: Something I considered to be a big hit on last week's show was the interview Mike Tenay conducted with Booker T "at the hospital." Tenay led it off but then shut his mouth and let Booker do all of the work. Booker blamed himself because Sharmell always wanted to watch his back and support him, and he always let her have what she wanted, which might have been the biggest mistake he ever made. He said that watching her suffer with a wired jaw was more than he can take. He then said that Sharmell will get up and walk out of the hospital and then he will then stop taking it out on himself, he will then focus it all on Robert Roode. All of the pain he feels will go on Robert Roode. He changed the game, because now it is personal, that it was about being a man. Booker was ON delivering a great, passion filled promo; minus Tenay's yammering and cheesy added in music bullshit TNA likes to add in. This was damn fine stuff here.
Roode vs. Brooks and FINALLY Introducing MISS BANKS~!: And then we followed up with more stuff I really liked. Roode was to challenge Miss Brooks to a match, which she answered because she decided to finally stand up to her bully. I felt that they had some really good back and forth, with Brooks showing good emotion and Roode coming off like a complete prick. Cornette would come out to put an end to this sham. He had Brooks leave and promised that Roode wouldn't hurt her. But this didn't stop the MYSTERY FAN from officially debuting and beating down Brooks. We discovered that she would be Miss Brooks' replacement, going by the name of Miss Payton Banks. They finally pulled the trigger and had a good segment in the process, YAY TNA!
The purgatory:
LAX (Homicide y Hernandez) w/SALINAS' FABULOUS BOOBS vs. The Rock ‘N Rave Infection (Hoyt and Rave): This was the middle ground of tag team action this week on Impact, LAX vs. the RNR Infection. There was no Hemme at ringside, but we did get Shelley Martinez, now known as "Salinas." They had a PPV rematch; it got no time but was fun. The RNR lose, there was no Hemme so God only knows where they are going from here. But as long as LAX starts to roll again, I am a happy man.
Harris vs. Mesias: We got more of complaining Chris Harris last week, which turns out to be his last performance with the company. I wrote about Harris on Tuesday, so if you want my feelings on that, go check the news column out. The match was fine, good fire from Harris that seemingly was working hard. But if they knew there was a chance Harris was leaving, I don't think they needed to protect him and have Mesias use the mist. Much like the Senshi match, he should have had more of a squash to make him look like the monster he is supposed to be. Finally Mitchell promised that next week, one way or another, CHRIS ABYSS will reveal his secret. I can't wait for this Russo rehash. So two of the big hooks for next week are BG picking a new tag team partner and Abyss' secret. Wow. I am not interested.
Kong vs. Kim: People know I wasn't happy about this being on TV, but the main reason isn't JUST because it was on TV. The main reason is that it was on TV with no build. I mean, at least give them a week of build so that they can make it important. Like the video deal with Angle and others putting over the match. You announce it this week and then run a TON of those over the course of this show and the next leading to the match, it is common sense and makes it more important. Anyway, I have to mention that I loved that the ladies got the main event spot, if they had to do it on TV, they had to do that to add the importance factor. As for the match itself, we only got 6-mintes of it, but what we got was good. That's another reason I was hesitant to have them put this on TV, they get 9-minutes but lose three to commercial. They worked hard as always and what we saw rocked, but the commercial makes it hard to rate. I strongly feel that if they were dead set on giving the match away on TV that they should have made it worth it, no commercial. Unfortunately we didn't get that, and that is a shame.
The Wrong:
The VKM (Kip and BG James) w/Roxxi vs. Petey Williams and Sonjay Dutt: We had some tag action this week, and this was the bad of it. First of all it was a little over 7-minutes long, and roughly 4-minutes of that was commercial break. That was extremely annoying. Secondly we had to have shenanigans that led to one man being taken away. Sure the image of Scott Steiner tiptoeing to the ring to steal a briefcase was funny, but Petey gets pulled away and we are stuck with a 2-1 match. And then, PARTNERS THAT DO NOT GET ALONG comes into play, and this allows Dutt to get the win. BG and Kip argue, because they can't get along and Kip demands that BG tell him who his new partner will be next week. So two of the big hooks for next week are BG picking a new tag team partner and Abyss' secret. Wow. I am not interested. Also, toss another angle into the segment, as Dutt made out with Val again. So much happening!
Kaz and the Rat: Kaz got some promo time on last week's show. Unfortunately this promo was to further the feud with Black Reign. He had the RAT he stole from Black Reign, although he said that it wasn't Reign's rat, it was HIS new pet, named Marlena. HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAA. Insider jokes are cool! What stupid shit. Hopefully Kaz won't be drug down too far by Reign.
*~AJ'S CORONATION~*: I don't know about you fine folks, but I am completely sick of these shitty, show long segments that continually take over the Impact shows. Many times if you would remove this trash and add some more wrestling, Impact would be a much more enjoyable show. But that isn't the case, now is it. This wonderful pile of shit spanned SEVEN SEGMENTS on the show. We got to see AJ being wacky, hiding with JB, farting, getting more advice from Eric Young, dressing up like a goof, being afraid as always, and for the most part just being portrayed as the biggest idiot in the world. I am constantly amazed that they have taken such a great performer like AJ and turned him into this. Wow, just wow. Sure, they set up the three way for next week so it wasn't a total wash, but really, did we need six shitty segments to get to this one that actually meant something?
The Ridiculous:
Samoa Joe's a big old bitch!: Samoa Joe was MAD this week! MAD I SAY! He was mad at Nash for abandoning him at the PPV and costing him the tag titles and a loss. He was so mad that he stormed into Nash's locker room for an altercation. Unfortunately for Joe, Nash was waiting with a baseball bat. Nash held him off and told Joe if they wanted to fight that it would be for money. He instructed Joe to get checks from Cornette for $100,000. He then went on a rant about all of the money he had made and shit he owned and explained that he didn't screw Joe, he helped him, taught him a lesson even. Nash explained that Joe needed his wisdom and then handed him the bat. Joe stated that he should kill Nash, but Nash calmly said Joe wouldn't and left. THAT'S IT! Big badass Joe that's busy shooting on the company and proving himself just stood there with his dick in his hands and didn't have an answer and didn't do a damn thing. Why are we supposed to support him and think he's cool? Samoa Bitch!
21-Minutes: Usually every week I discuss the amount of wrestling that we have on the show. As I have stated repeatedly: I still feel that they need to offer up as close to as much wrestling time as there are commercials. There are 18-20 minutes of commercials per episode of Impact. So hence forth as I have said, I feel that there should be around 15-18-minutes of wrestling action per week, minimum on Impact. I think that is an important thing. They need to show enough wrestling to make people want to buy a PPV. No one buys a show based off of 2-minute matches, run ins and no finishes. And I would suggest I am right, look at TNA's buyrates. So that being said I think that 35-40-minutes a week of wrestling should be the goal with the 2-hour show. We got right around 21-minutes this last week, NOT ACCEPTABLE in my opinion. It is even worse when you take into account that the MAIN EVENT TITLE MATCH got about 6-minutes. For shame TNA, for shame. Give us the wrestling that you say you will.
SmackDown!: By: "The Whole Geoffin Show" Geoff Eubanks
WWE SmackDown 1.11.08
Well, with this whole comments thingy, there's a lot more to address this week, so don't let's waste time!
"And speaking of Chavo – What was that promo in Vickie's office where he said he wanted to roll back the hands of time and go back to the good old days?" What Chavo actually said was something about imagining what might have been. I got a strong vibe he had amorous thoughts about Vickie. As if this whole thing needed to get creepier. – Jason
Obviously, last week I was making light of the fact that poor Chavo, a hell of a performer in his own Right, has fallen victim to some piss-poor booking in his day. I kinda got the same feeling, though, Jason; I was ignoring passing any kind of judgment till I got an idea of what was going on. Thing is, I'm still not really clear a week later, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
I disagree with your beat-the-clock disapproval. Think of it from a kayfabe perspective. In the wrestling world, the dominating and beating your opponent quickly and decisively is the name of the game. They aren't worried about star ratings (again, in kayfabe). So beat the clock shows who the most dominant wrestler is, and thus who should be #1 contender. Also, this is what makes Vickie's matches more realistic. Mismatches for the people she likes (Chavo) and tough matches for the ones she doesn't like (Batista, Taker). Obviously, in a reality, good matches are important for ratings in interest. But for the purpose of an occasional #1 contendership (or say 30th entrant in the rumble a couple years ago), beat-the-clock can be effective and interesting tv. – evansams
And I can't really disagree with your logic, Evan, with the exception that, for all the reasons you state BTC makes sense in terms of kayfabe, it still provided us with a couple pretty crummy matches that didn't have to be so and, in addition to an adherence to kayfabe, there's also a responsibility to provide the viewer with entertaining matches. But you state your case well and I won't really argue, so well done! Thanks for your input!
I just want to make a point... and brag, a little. With all this talk about the "RATED RMY," it should be pointed out who coined the name for Edge's stable. That person, of course, was me. I predicted that these three would get together in an old edition of the Fink's Payload. Of course, I called them the "Rated R Army"... but it's the same thing, you know. Thanks for the credit! - Drew Clark
I knew I'd seen you name the stable thusly, but couldn't remember where, because I DID want to give you credit for the moniker. Thanks for standing up and claiming the glory that is Rightfully yours! Well done!
3 things Geoff: 1) You are long-winded. 2) I fail to see anything Right about a program of Taker vs. Big Daddy Mabel and Mark Henry (A-FUCKING-GAIN!). 3) When you constantly mention Czonka in your column, you only feed the Hunter criticisms. POOCHIE LARRY~!! And Larry, I don't think anybody actually wonders WHY people dont care about tag team wrestling. – Eric
Eric: 1) We covered that last week…hahaha! 2) I wasn't saying one way or the other that it was a good thing or not; just that it was nice to see BTC being used to stir up some shit (although, empirically, I'm totally with you concerning your dismay at the notion of more Taker/Henry & V). 3) Do I? I don't intend to do anything but laugh at them because it goes to show exactly how little these self-Righteous little dickweeds know about Larry or this site or the way it works, but fair enough.
hello! I'm Pedro, from Ecuador, I speak Spanish and barely can speak English so excuse me if you dont understand something. I just wanna say I have read your columns many many months and have learned a lot from you. In my opinion this was the worst BTC, in this particular situation, because of the fact that NOBODY would believe Chavo facing Edge at the Rumble...so it was so predictable that somehow someway Rey would win his match against Edge. That is where the concept is ruined completely. – Pedro Paliz
Thanks, Pedro! It's always humbling to get comments such as this, where someone has learned from something I've said! I must say, though, that I've learned a LOT from Larry, as he's been very kind and open about sharing his knowledge of the business with me. I know it can come off as brown-nosing or kissing up, but he's been a great friend to me for years and I really appreciate everything he's shared. Of course we're such tight buds that I can say this cuz I know he doesn't read my stuff…hahaha! Anyway, though, yes, that's what I hate about gimmicks like this, or, especially the RUMBLE match, with Michael Cole bleating like a wolf-cornered lamb, "Maybe, Funaki will headline WrestleMania! Can you IMAGINE Funaki in the main event at WrestleMania?" No, assclown, I can't, shut up. Hahaha. Thanks, Pedro! Hope all's well in Ecuador, and, believe me, your English is way better then my Spanish!
Oh, by the way, I'd be remiss if I didn't give some props to the coolest kid in Coventry, Ashton Davies, who has provided me with some mighty pleasant conversation via MSN messenger over the last week (yes, I've actually been signing on lately, so add me and you might catch me)! HBK marks unite! Stay awesome, Ashton.
Now let's open up this donkey show. Your referee, Bronco Lubich.
The Right
Bienvenudos, todos, a La Corazon de la Guerrero – No, it's not a new telenovella on Univision, but rather our opening segment where #1 Contender Rey Mysterio confronts General Manager and long-time family friend Vickie Guerrero about her disgraceful and disgusting relationship with SmackDown!'s resident slime ball and World Champion, Edge. Vickie puts on a wonderfully incredulous expression and accuses Rey of airing her dirty laundry on HER show (and, no, I'm not making a joke about the dirty laundry…I think it kinda makes itself), when Rey counters by reminding her that we were all subjected to watching them make out on more than one hideous occasion. Of course, Edge hits the ring to defend his little flower, cuz he's the yardstick of nobility, and then Chavo Guerrero makes his way out and makes a hell of a point, in that, he's the only REAL Guerrero in WWE and speaks for the rest of the REAL Guerreros, who are all nauseated by Vickie's actions. Vickie has the last word, though, as she throws her weight around (again, taking the high road), forcing Rey and Shabbo into a match tonight.
While this is awesome, because these two have amazing chemistry and will always provide a great match, this is really interesting, too, because we don't know where this is going to go, with respect to Chavo. Rey and Chavo have a storied rivalry against one another, as we were reminded many times tonight (we even got clips!), yet now it seems they find themselves on the same side of the philosophical fence. Will this be enough of a catalyst for them to bury the proverbial hatchet? Are we seeing the beginning of a face turn for Chavo, as he champions the Guerrero name in WWE? Is this all a huge swerve? And who will end up dicking over the other, Edge or Vickie? Although I was a little put-off by the whole soap opera bit surrounding this segment, the intrigue is fun, it's good episodic television and I'm looking forward to seeing where this leads us.
Fight one, fight the whole RMY – Predictably, the main event featuring Rey and Chavo was awesome, hands down. Edge's ringside commentary was an unexpected cherry on the sundae, as well, as he has evolved into one of the best talkers of his generation and, much as I dislike him, it would be folly to attempt to underemphasize his talent (and, thank you, Edge, for FINALLY being the one to mention the fact that Edge & Rey were the second WWETTCs together!). He follows Michael Hayes' #1 rule pertaining to heels – he believes his own story to be absolutely true and that he is perfectly justified in his actions.
What was so great about the post-match fight once Rey dispatched Chavo and Edge entered the ring, was that, we were so caught up in the match and the upcoming WT match at the RUMBLE, we forgot entirely that, oh, yeah, Edge has THE EDGEHEADS in his corner, too, and, if he can't get the job done on his own, he has Kurt Hawkins & Zack Ryder to help him out, and we saw how effective they can be last week against Batista. All in all, I really like this whole scenario and the manner in which it's playing out. Well done all the way around!
Don'choo best not HURT that girl – That was the expression we saw on Jamie Noble's face as he watched Chuck Palumbo, a bubbling cauldron of red hot rage after losing a fourth straight match to Noble, back a terrified Michelle McCool into the corner. Why he was pissed at her, I've no clue, because he lost this one all on his own, but I suppose this is simply the reaction of a man unraveling a little more each week. This angle continues to roll along as smoothly as one of Palumbo's homemade hogs, the crowd at ringside even starting up a little "Chuck's a loser" chant. This is going to be good for all involved, mark my words.
puRgatory
Vanquish the pupil, send a message to the teacher –This was MVP's goal tonight as he looked to put Ric Flair on notice for the RUMBLE by taking out Batista, no easy task, to be certain. Quite frankly, MVP fared MUCH better than I thought he would against a very driven Animal, the two having a hell of a little TV match! MVP targeted the head and neck of Big Dave and was able to continue to keep coming back to the weakened area, a display of in-ring awareness and strategic smarts, MVP's biggest ally against an opponent such as Batista, whom he hadn't a snowball's chance of overpowering. In this way did MVP, indeed, send a message to Flair, who is one of the business' best technical strategists, just like MVP is fast becoming.
So why isn't this in the Right section? A nitpicking technicality, I'll grant you, but it still bugged me anyway. There are times when count-outs and DQ finishes are perfectly acceptable and I think the former would have been such in this instance. I like the fact that Big Dave at least didn't score a pinfall on MVP and, really, this loss won't hurt MVP, but the fact that Batista was upset over not wanting to win via count-out was Ridiculous. Check it out, Dave, if you don't want to win via count-out, don't waffle your opponent off the apron when the ref is counting "eight". That really weakened the integrity of the finish IMO. Still, though, great match and yet another convincing argument to suggest MVP is a future world champion in the making.
What's the deal – Awhile back, Vince McMahon and Finlay had a little off-screen chat with regard to Horny Bastard McMahon and it wasn't really followed up upon (I know, that sounded awkward, huh…?) till tonight. Finlay made mention of their deal and Vince about pooped himself as a result. Are we supposed to know what this deal entails yet…? I'm kinda lost on this. Maybe it's the booze. Notwithstanding, I have a feeling this is going to be the huge, overblown, sports-entertainment angle that gets Vince onto WrestleMania. Can't wait to see what happens.
The wrong:
Dead & buried – That pretty much sums up the whole Undertaker/Mark Henry/Matt Striker/Big Daddy V segment; Taker's The Dead Man and the other three were BERRIED. Presumably at Vickie's behest, Taker faced Henry & Striker in a Csonka Special (Handicap match) and Taker mowed over the both of them in record time; then V plodded to ringside for a post-bout attack and Taker dispatched of all three of them as if they were a family of Hornswoggles. I'm of the opinion that Henry & V could be a hell of a threat, especially with the well-spoken Striker in their corner, but this kind of shit just makes them look like fools. Bad business, Vince. I know, I know…Taker's supposed to win the Rumble and go on to take the WT from Edge in a WM streak vs. WM streak deal (which I also feel is a mistake, but there's plenty of time to deal with that), so we have to keep him strong, but there's a point, you know?
I can't believe I'm about to say this, but… – Okay, I like Kane a lot, always have, always will. I don't like Deuce & Domino, especially Domino. However, I don't understand why we've spent so much time building up this team with such an impressive reign as WWETTCs and all, but it seems to me all they do anymore is get jobbed out and tonight's example was a doozy, as Kane did to Lenny & Squiggy what his big brother did to Mark Henry, Big Daddy V & Matt Striker. Again, I understand we're heading to the Rumble and we need to throw out some red herrings with respect to who's going to win, who's got a shot, etc., thus we must make such performers appear uber-dominant, but must that come at the expense of our own talent? Why not stick Kane in a ring with half a dozen jobbers and thrill to how efficiently he chucks them over the top to the floor? And, mark my words, when Domino rolls out to enter the Rumble match, there's Michael Cole babbling excitedly, "Hey, how about Domino headlining WrestleMania?" Yeah.
The Ridiculous:
As if the arm wrestling wasn't bad enough – Man, this was excruciating and embarrassing to sit through. For once, I'm with Coach when he said, "What just happened there?" The wacky hijinx of Finlay (who was dressed as if he'd hit the Merv Griffin estate sale) and Horny Bastard McMahon, electrocuting Ranjin Singh with the gimmicked arm wrestling table are getting old and more than a little boring. I love this duo, but it was THIS kind of stuff I feared when it was announced Finlay was acquiring a "leprechaun". Let's stop pushing this issue and go back to the old drawing board, because everyone won back then.
Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: yostankmama@hotmail.com
MONDAY NIGHT RAW!:
Raw 1.14.08
The Right:
Shawn Qualifies for the Rumble: Our second match of the evening was a Royal Rumble Qualifying match, featuring Shawn Michaels. Michaels was OFFENDED that he would have to qualify for the Rumble match. He explained that he was the runner up the year before, and had won the match two times before. But since he was being made to qualify, he wanted to challenge Kennedy. This wasn't in the plans, because Trevor Murdoch came to the ring. They had a brisk and fun little match, the end saw Michaels go for the super kick, only for Murdoch to duck out of the way. Michaels then decided to apply his new wacky inverted figure four move, which got him the win. I am good with this and I see nothing wrong with Michaels trying to reinvent himself a bit. After the match Kennedy appeared on the big screen. He talked about Michaels' ego and the fact that Michaels couldn't live with the fact that Kennedy beat him and them laid him out. While Kennedy said that he had nothing to prove, he would be gracious and give Michaels one more day in the sun and face him next week. A good promo by Kennedy I felt, I do have some issue with them doing the match on Raw as I would have preferred them facing at the Rumble, but we'll see how it goes next week.
JBL'S SECOND COMING CELEBRATION: JBL decided that he needed another celebration this week on Raw. This was in order to not only mock Jericho's second coming, but in order for he to cut what ended up a killer promo. He mocked Jericho's thought of being a savior and showed us clips of him dragging Jericho by the throat around the arena from the previous week. JBL then said that he knew Jericho was watching, but asked that he made sure his kids were listening. He explained what he did to their father, that he was bigger, better and stronger than he. JBL didn't want to make it personal, but insisted that Jericho tell his kids that he is a coward. Finally he told Jericho if he came to the Rumble, that he would be the one in need of saving, from JBL. He then equipped the power of the pyro and set the building ablaze. This was damn good stuff.
Orton and Hardy are Dead: Much to the surprise of many, Jeff Hardy kicked off the show with a promo. He was very excited because in two weeks, he was challenging for the WWE Title. He asked of we could imagine it, Jeff Hardy, WWE Champion, "WOW." But he was even more excited that he would get to take out Randy Orton, as he had promised. This of course brought out Orton, and he said that they could do the match tonight and Hardy could have his chance to take him out, on one condition. Jeff puts up the IC Title. Jeff accepted, and we were set. Now truth be told I was not happy with this at this particular point in the evening. But as we went on they played up that, as Orton said, only two other men have simultaneously held the IC and World Titles. We saw clips of these men, Warrior and HHH, as they played up this possibility. I liked that. Time was drastically running out on the show, and they got to the right at about 11pm, and I knew for sure there would be some wacky non-finish. Well, that's what we got as in 10-seconds Hardy ate a kick to the nuts and that was that. You see, I was about to be mad if we got a single match, because with the PPV two weeks away, WHY would you give a main match away, so they did this and I was fine, and then they got crazy. Orton tossed him to the floor and tired to get the RKO onto the concrete, but that failed when Jeff fought back. They would fight up the ramp and onto the stage. Orton was set for the concussion kick, but Hardy would get a backdrop and Orton was done. Too bad for him Jeff wasn't, as he would climb the light rigging and drop a SWANK looking swanton onto Orton and both men were dead. The crowd exploded and this came off huge I felt, as they kept chanting for Hardy during the aftermath. Some wonder why he would do this, and have said it makes no sense and was stupid. But all you have to do it go back to Jeff saying he would take Orton out, and there is the answer. Plus it fits his whole motto, which is high risk with either high reward or a high price. When he raised his hand at the end, and made the "V-1" sign, it all made sense and came off as a huge moment.
The purgatory:
Diva Tag: The first match on the show this week was a DIVA'S TAG MATCH featuring Ashley, Maria and Mickie James vs. Jillian, Melina and Beth Phoenix. They had another short match, because they can't get any time due to MIDGETS and because they don't ever give the women any time. So they had a match that was a little over three minutes, and for the most part the match was fine. Then things broke down and it came down to Mickie and Beth. They had a good exchange, until the very end when they blew a stun gun spot. Beth would get the win with the Fisherwoman's Suplex and that was that. Besides the botched ending, the other issue is an issue I have been having for a while with the division. They are obviously in a holding pattern until Candice gets back. I can understand this to a point, but I also feel that it holds the division back, because they refuse to let anyone else get ahead until Candice gets back. Would it have hurt to let Mickie, a former women's champion, to get a win in the tag match and come off like a serious challenge for the title? I guess so.
The Wrong:
HHH vs. Snitsky: This one is a hard one for me actually. I am very torn here, on one hand HUNTOR is very well known for his burial work. But on the other hand, in the scheme of things in the wrestling world HHH is UP HERE and Snitsky is down here. The good news is that HHH gave him plenty in the match. I didn't think he would, I figured it would be short and he would just go over. But they went a little over 10-minutes, Snitsky's integrity as a monster figure was upheld and I was fine with this. But then they pulled the DQ finish. I didn't like this at all. I felt the match was done well enough that the HHH win would have been fine, but this was lame. I don't have a better way to put it really, but we invest 10-minutes and then get the DQ. I suppose in the end it was to lead to HHH going bat shit crazy and nailing Snitsky with his hammer and hitting the pedigree on him. After that HHH was leaving the ring and Vince was trying to talk with him via the mini-tron. This anger HHH even further and he would end up destroying the mini-tron. I guess that's an excuse for the new set for the HD launch.
The Ridiculous:
Flair vs. Regal: I know, how weird is it seeing Flair and Regal in the ridiculous section of the column, and trust me, it isn't that I want to put it here, but really, I feel I have no choice. The first problem is that they hyped this match on the show as an important part of the show. Secondly, this is part of the Flair Retirement angle, and it didn't get as much attention as I felt that it should. Finally, this match, which should be important, got NO TIME. The show was rushed and this match suffered, only getting 2:13. THAT IS IT. HORRIBLE! And do you know why it only got that much time? MIDGET BULLSHIT!
The Mini Rumble: I know a lot of people loved this, but I didn't. Vince had one of his fatherly meetings with Hornswoggle. It was a nice little talk of the Ruble match, with Vince telling Hornswoggle he too could win the Rumble. Unfortunately Vince felt he needed some experience, and he booked Hornswoggle in a Mini-Royal Rumble against Kennedy, Batista, Mankind and "some surprises." So Hornswoggle goes out for his Rumble warm up, and the second man out was Mr. Kennedy, the midget version. Yes, it was truly a "MINI" Rumble. We then got Mankind, Batista and Kane, ALL MIDGETS. Was it funny, sure, I laughed a bit but it felt like it lasted forever. This was just bullshit and took time away from stuff that could have used it. I need to make it clear. THIS BULLSHIT GOT OVER SEVEN MINUTES! That's right, this shit got over seven-minutes and the Flair deal barely got over two minutes. I'm sorry, to me that was a complete waste of time just for some comedy. Sure they set up more of "the deal" angle, which is great because I an interested in that, but I didn't need SEVEN MINUTES OF MIDGET BULLSHIT! Fuck this shit.
ECW on Sci-Fi!:
ECW 1.15.08:
The Right:
The Cutting Edge: I enjoyed how ECW kicked off this week, with the Cutting Edge. If they insist on doing the working relationship between ECW and Smackdown, it's good to see ECW have the World Champion on the show. He explained how he would takeout Rey at the Rumble with little effort, and announced his guest, ECW Champion CM Punk. They had some good back and forth mic work, which I felt made Punk look good as he came off as an equal to Edge, which is important. This would bring out Chavo, since Punk said he could beat Chavo no problem. Chavo would shove Punk into Edge, which would lead to them beating him down and posting him twice, injuring his shoulder. This worked well and set up for later in the night. Overall, they was a good opening to the show.
Colin Delaney vs. Kane: I LOVE COLIN DELANEY~! He is a great jobber, he looks pasty, he is small, has no tan and sells like a beast. After this week people has started to make a connection of young Colin, and I think that they are right. He is looking to be the 2008 equivalent of Mikey Whipwreck. That actually isn't the worst thing ever, because it is interesting and fun. It could get tiresome very quickly, but if they star to change it up and get a little creative, I am all for it. I believe it was 411's Andy Clark that said he should get a Maven like elimination in the Rumble, and I am all for that. Kane got to kill him this week, in spectacular fashion and it was grand. Kane still has no current direction, other than looking scary heading into the Rumble, but I guess that's enough for now. This was fun stuff.
The purgatory:
Kelly's HD Ad: It isn't so much that there was anything wrong with this. I mean, trot out the hot chick, say we're in HD next week, strip down and people seemed happy. I just don't think it was needed. They hyped it on commentary, they had commercials and they could have used this little bit of time to add to the wrestling, which was way down as opposed to most weeks on ECW.
Shelton vs. Nunzio: Shelton Benjamin continued to roll this week on ECW with another dominating victory. This time it was over Nunzio, in what was a fine little squash. It was fine and Shelton is racking up wins, which he needed to be rebuilt. What annoyed me is that they were hyping a Rumble qualifying match and then they switched that and just said that he was in. Make up your mind WWE. Also, as I mentioned for the last few weeks, I strongly feel that he needs a mid-card feud, something to keep him occupied until he feuds with Punk and more in ring time on TV to continue working the new heel persona. If they keep doing this every week, it believe that it will get old fast. Drag out Dreamer, time for them to earn some cash.
Chavo vs. Punk III: And so here we were, the epic third meeting between CM Punk and Chavo Guerrero. I will say that they set things up great with the Cutting Edge segment. The beat down and injury angle played excellently into the match. Chavo worked the shoulder and arm very well, and in the end Edge nailed Punk with the title belt and Chavo won via count out. The problem is that after three weeks of watching these guys wrestle average to below average matches, with lame finishes I have NO DESIRE to watch them have another match. I really don't. Chavo has bee boring, he has no heat and really these guys could do so much better. Unfortunately they haven't done it yet. Hopefully match #4 will be the magic number. Punk's entire ECW run has been that of repetition, Richards, Burke, Morrison and now Chavo. Bad booking for Mr. Punk I would say. Next week, PUNK vs. CHAVO IV: FOR THE TITLE!
The Wrong:
14-Minutes of "Wrestling?": I have said for Impact forever that I feel that there needs to be a certain amount of wrestling on the show per week. Why? There are 18-20 minutes of commercials per episode. As I have said, I feel that there should be around 15-18-minutes of wrestling action per week, minimum. I think that is an important thing. Now that being said, they were close to that but most weeks ECW has been offering up a good amount of wrestling, and some weeks some very good wrestling. This week the wrestling was "just there," and there wasn't all that much of it. I just wanted more really.
The Ridiculous:
NADDA~!
FEEDBACK~!:
Reader Comment on Impact: I think tonight's show was a mixed bag. The Shark Boy match we didn't need, but there was a little movement on most of the general storylines tonight. It was a little better than some of the recent shows. The fact that they made this the main event of the evening was a plus. I'll agree with Larry that their placement of commercials sucks. If they'd run this match uninterrupted it would have not have killed as much of the heat, but overall it was ok. No classic, but a good main event. It looks like we're going to get ODB (who, oddly, is over with the crowd) and Kong for a little while. I think they can bring back more Kim/Kong in the future. Oddly enough, Gail Kim was probably one of the few GOOD signings off the WWE scrap heap.
My Response: I agree with you. Thanks for the comments!
Reader Comment: I'm glad you put the Hornswoggle stuff in the Ridiculous column last week. Hornswoggle is outstaying his welcome, they need to pull back on him. I think its sage to conclude Jericho is done already. Any momentum he had coming back is now gone. He went from hottest free agent around to getting the ever-living crap beat out of him by an announcer! Hope you got a lot of money, Chris.
My Response: Yes, the midget stuff is getting pretty annoying. As for Jericho, that's the problem with how they brought him back. They did the title program to transition to this. That was the mistake of debuting him how they did, and now many people feel the way that you do..
Reader Comment: Okay, if memory serves me correctly, both Ric Flair and Horswoggle are Smackdown superstars. Yet, Ric Flair keep having his "career threatening" matches on RAW. Why would Ric have a match this week when he has one at the Royal Rumble against MVP? And why isn't that match non-title? The anal rape of Smackdown continues.
My Response: You are correct sir!
Reader Comment: Its amazing how people call this weeks (the 1.08 episode) ECW a good show because of one match. Yes the match was very good looking past the fact that it should have gone to overtime, but one good match doesn't make a show.
My Response: I think overall it was a fine show, not great, but far from bad. This week's was blah and repetitive I will say.
Reader Comment: I'd have to disagree with your booking of Punk lately. Losing in a tag match to Big Daddy V doesn't make him look too weak, as they want V to seem like a huge monster. MVP, well I guess they just didn't want it to seem like the ECW champ was better than the Smackdown US champ (that's wrong but hey what can you do). The past two matches with Chavo, it should be obvious what is coming up. Third time's the charm and I see them having Punk-Chavo 3 being a no-DQ, no-CO match. Thus the dq and co wins were necessary to build to that.
My Response: But it has been so repetitive and bland, as well as making him look weak. That was my point with Punk's booking. I think HE is fine, just not the booking.
Reader Comment: Again, Larry bitches like a little girl about "Huntor" (grow up you fat fool, real people don't have catchphrases) yet here he is, doing the EXACT same thing at 411. Holding down other writers so he can be involved in every "segment" and "come out last" like a "true keyboard warrior world champ". Larry is like those heels that you hate, not because they're good heels, but because they're pieces of garbage and don't belong in front of your eyes.
My Response: I love you too!
Reader Comment: I think a lot of it had to do with Gail's injury, and you can tell she was hurting as she came down the ring. I hope beyond hope that is Cheerleader Melissa though. However, great work by TNA tonight. I don't mind the Shark Boy squash since he is a fan favorite and it served to get Tomko over even more. A lot of angles were advanced tonight, and I'm just glad they finally revealed the stalker as well. As for the main angle, great work to include Joe (even though we know it's not going anywhere) and move him from being a whiny b*tch to becoming the man again. Again, great episode of TNA and I'm really looking forward to Global Impact.
I thought the crowd was horrible during/after this spot; they ruined the feel of the whole thing. Especially when they showed the replays; fans close the the jump were even fairly unresponsive.
I thought it was an awesome spot and really adds a lot to this feud. It could have been a lot better though, if the crowd was not so damn lame.
Posted By: Bernie (Guest) on January 17, 2008 at 10:04 PM
Miz/Morrison v. The Highlanders wasn't worth categorizing?
Posted By: EZMark (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 12:21 AM
I officially hate Kurt Angle thanks to TNA. He acts like an idiot, his wife is officially a whore, and AJ is his retarded southern cousin. Really? Tomko is the only guy who got over from this. I agree with most of what you said Larry, I can't understand why they have to hijack the whole show with this shit. Every week the entire 2 hours is bumpered with the Angle Bunch wasting my fucking time while even Raw is pushing out more actual wrestling. Wasted potential.
Posted By: Andy (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 12:27 AM
Forgot to mention this is EXACTLY what I said last week in the comments about Kong/Kim. If you insist on free title changes than at least build to the show and try to increase viewers. Isn't the whole "ratings" nonsense what Russo thinks fuels a wrestling promotion anyways?
Posted By: Andy (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 12:33 AM
But won't Colin qualifying for the Rumble require him to actually beat someone? Oh right, WWE: DQ or Issue.
Posted By: JS (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 12:54 AM
I thought Raw was a pretty kickass show, though I do agree on the Ric Flair and the Midget Bullshit (I'm an anti-Swoggle mark BTW). I didn't watch Impact because TNA isn't really interesting anymore, because it's always the same old shit every week (Kurt angle with his crew and JB kisses their ass). Why don't they try new storylines for christ's sakes.
Posted By: Peter (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 01:12 AM
Samoa Joe was not mad.... he was OFFENDED lulz
Posted By: natedoggcata (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 01:22 AM
Ive figured out why HBK did the Figure 4. This whole Kennedy thing has been about Kennedy teasing Shawn about being old, stale etc. So instead of a SCM we get a submission.
Good column as always Larry
Posted By: Brad (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 01:23 AM
I just switched to Dish Network from Comcast...only to find out USA, SciFi, and UPN are not available in HD. BULLSHXT! I cant get DirectTV cuz the HOA wont allow me to cut down the tree that is blocking the signal. This sucks.
Posted By: Faust (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 01:49 AM
Bernie you must've been watching a different crowd cause I have to side with Larry on this one.
The crowd was hot for Hardy all night, the pop he got for the opening promo was HUGE as was the reaction to the spot at the end of the show.
The reactions Jeff has been getting since this big push started will not be lost on Vince and I'm thinking more and more each day that Hardy is walking out of Madison Square Garden as WWE Champ.
Posted By: Brett (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 03:36 AM
Don't let the haters get you down, bro. Anyway, fat people are kick ass. (except Horatio Sanz)
I completely agree with you that Tomko is bad ass. He's been able to get himself over and actually become quite entertaining. I guess the time in Japan for in-ring work and hanging around Christian for mic-work has really helped him out.
I'd honestly like to see Tomko take the World Title from Angle... screw Joe. But that's just me.
Your internet buddy,
X
Posted By: X (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 03:39 AM
I don't really care about Samoa Joe any more. He has had like what? 8 shots at the title and now he cries because he wants another shot? Also, they have turned Angle into a bitch, he runs and hides from everyone. I mean he hid behind AJ when Cristian and Joe came out. Also, when did AJ go from being a real contender to a side show? He was the main even not so long ago. TNA has screwed up and they need to fix it fast.
Posted By: iomis (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 06:22 AM
im going to stand by my descision that HBK against flair for wrestlemania in a battle of the figure 4's
Posted By: moley (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 07:59 AM
It sucks that they are making Mickie look like crap. Beth has pinned her what, three or four times already? Isn't this the same Mickie James that went over Trish Stratus AND Lita at the 2 of the Big Four PPV's? A storyline between the Beth and Mickie would've been nice to have during Candice's injury. I'm a big Beth fan, but it's frustrating to see the top face Diva (even when Candice is healthy) crushed. Beth and Mickie are the top two workers on RAW. A feud between them would be more interesting. Of course, considering the booking, Mickie may face Beth later this year, then start getting wins over her, possibly with no mention of Beth's dominance earlier this year. WWE booking: It's Faaaaaaantastic!!!!
Posted By: Mike (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 08:48 AM
The funny thing with MArtinez is that "salina" is the substance they use to fill breat implants in its Spanish form. So basically TNa has gone out and just called her "Implants"
Posted By: AOD (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 08:55 AM
That Geoff dude is pretty cool, ooooh yeah, if you know what I think I know I mean, ooh yeah, unlike that other guy, that Larry Smartass guy, I think I'm gonna go drop an elbow on him, oooooh yeah, DIG IT!
Posted By: Macho Man (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 09:08 AM
I cannot believe you liked Booker T's sadsack hospital interview; the whole Booker/Sharmel/Roode angle is making Booker - shortly after his momentous debut, may I add - look like an impotent, whipped tool who shuts up and lets his wife do the talking. This is why it was a bad idea for TNA to bring her on the air with Booker to begin with. How can a whipped husband get over as a badass crowd-favorite?
Posted By: KanyonKreist (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 11:08 AM
I agree Larry. Fuck this midget bullshit! Enough is enough! Get rid of this damn midget! I'm sick of this shit too Larry. God forbid we give the women more time?!
Posted By: WWEMAN88 (Registered) on January 18, 2008 at 11:09 AM
On Smackdon: I think Batista waffled MVP on the apron as a counter. Long time viewers may remember Kennedy beating The Animal that way not so long ago. I saw it as a pre-emptive strike. I couldn't agree more about the Noble/Palumbo/McCool angle. This is how you book a long term storyline and I believe Hays has a solid payoff in mind. Ditto Vickie/Edge. What kinds contract did Mark Henry sign? He's been on his back virtually every match since renewing. Is he getting paid per job?
Posted By: Pete (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 12:19 PM
If they give the women more time, Fat Csonka will just complain about that too.
Posted By: AMAGADS (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 12:36 PM
Kanyon, lift up your head long enough off Vince's d*ck to see that you have no clue. That promo from Booker was one of the few genuine promos you'll see in TNA. They have done a much better job of building Booker T than the 'e' did of booking their supposed "savior" Jericho. Obviously you've never been married (considering your tag is Kanyon, I doubt you've ever even touched a woman) so of course you wouldn't understand.
WWE will never do enough to build up their women's division, even though there is some potential there. That's ok, I prefer TNA's Knockouts anyway because they actually get time. That midget crap is typical WWE, because they know the marks will love anything they put on TV, as long as it's filled with lots of pyro.
Posted By: Orlando (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 01:06 PM
Watching ECW and Impact this week I found myself wondering.....how awesome would a heel Morrison/Kazarian tag team be?
Posted By: JMASCORPIO (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 02:28 PM
For months I didn't mind parts of the 3 Rs being copy/pasted from last week. But not its starting to be a good 30-40% of the column. Sure, alot of the stuff may be the same, but noone wants to read a column that says the exact same thing they read last week. It was OK but annoying when he just did it for things like Impact's lack of air time, but now it just comes of as lazy. Seriously, was it necessary to do it with things like Colin Delaney?
Posted By: DaMan (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 06:49 PM
The only reason people are trashing the midgets is because the audience liked it.
Posted By: Capt. Smooth (Guest) on January 18, 2008 at 06:56 PM
Please don't tell me JBL is going to fucking beat Jericho at RR. This is absolutely ridiculous. Jericho is getting buried.
Posted By: jd (Guest) on January 19, 2008 at 03:16 AM
