The MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks 01.25.08

Posted by John Meehan on 01.25.2008

Little known fact: Ultimate Warrior ain't the biggest fan of Hoke Hogan.



Welcome back to all of you fine readers who haven't been added to the list of RECENTLY RELEASED. I'm your regularly scheduled host, and this is your weekly dose of intrawebz optimism on the wild and wonderful world of professional wrestling. A few big news items this week, plus a PPV this Sunday AND the triumphant return of the YOUTHINKS READER MAIL! (Hey, what can I say? These handy-dandy comments at the bottom of each page make e-mail a thing of the past).

Again, lots to discuss -- so let's cut the jibber-jabber and get right to it.

Rock & Roll.





Bobby Lashley Done in WWE?
Rumors Fly that Former Champ Wants Out

After a whirlwind of speculation and half-truths crowded and clouded the world wide webz midway through the week, dust has begun to settle and it appears that former ECW Champion Bobby Lashley is looking to obtain his release from World Wrestling Entertainment. The long and short of things (so the rumors go) -- is that:

1) Lashley was peeved over how WWE handled the firing of his real-life girlfriend, Kristal Marshall
2) Lashley was peeved that WWE's creative squad had nothing for him
3) Lashley was peeved that he's had little-to-no contact with WWE Chairman Vince McMahon since his injury last July, and...
4) Lashley is looking to pursue a career in mixed martial arts.

Now then --

If Lashley truly was peeved about Kristal being canned... the guy has every right to be personally upset. After all, love lives can make a fella' do some powerful (and at times, imprudent) things. But there's a certain point where "personal" ends and "professionalism" begins. And if Lashley really is finding himself in a huff over the personal slight that was the firing of his current main squeeze -- then the guy seriously needs to check his priorities and get things together in a hurry. Especially when you consider the fact that most of the reliable sources pegged Kristal's firing *not* only on her unwillingness to go along with a proposed storyline, but *ALSO* on the fact that the Diva had a nasty reputation of "going into business for herself" by spreading half-truths between writers and talent when the cameras stopped rolling.

Again, *personally* peeved that they canned your lady? Fair enough. But if there's a solid, *professional* reason why the pink slip was issued? Then there's really no point in raising a stink.

Now then --

It most certainly bears mentioning that the latest round of rumors from the pro-Kristal-camp says that this WWE Diva was shown the door because she refused to take part in a WWE storyline which would have seen her (effectively) playing the onscreen role currently occupied by Vicki Guerrero, making for a mixed-race relationship with Smackdown! superstar Edge. Apparently (so the story goes), Kristal was uncomfortable about the angle as she felt it had "racial overtones" that were going to make her (and, by extension, people of her race) look bad in the long run.

MeeThinks?

While it's mighty noble to think that Kristal is a modern-day Rosa Parks standing up for equal rights and fighting the good fight in the name of misrepresented minority performers the world over, the bottom line is that anybody with a close attention to this story's timeline can see that all of this talk of "racial overtones" didn't *once* hit the airwaves until a solid THREE MONTHS after Kristal had already received her walking papers and had her full say on the matter, courtesy of the almighty MySpace (back before the credibility of the page was called into question -- another recent development).

Here's the recap of what Kristal said WAYY back in November regarding her firing. Keep a close eye and let's see if you can find so much as a passing mention of "racial overtones" in her open-air-axe-to-grind against her former employer:

I did not want to do a morally degrading storyline with Edge that was already done, plain and simple. Lita was in my opinion the greatest female wrestler of all time (next to Jazz). Lita revolutionized the world of wrestling. She showed that women could be strong, beautiful, and be a draw in the sexiest world of wrestling. She had little girls watching her wanting to become an athlete instead of a princess when they grew up. She was also one of the few women who wrestled men. With blood, sweat, tears and a broken neck later, she earned the respect of everyone in the wrestling business. So the WWE had the bright idea of turning her personal business into a public free for all. Sure that "storyline" transformed a well-loved baby face into a huge heel, but at whose expense? Look at how Trish retired With a Huge Championship win and the fans respect chanting her name… now look at how Lita retired losing the title and being embarrassed on TV. On the day of Lita's retirement, the fans didn't just boo her because she was a heel (bad girl); they booed her because despite all that what she did to women's wrestling, all that they seemed to remember about Lita was the "slutty" vamp she played on TV and thats just not fare and i did not want to be remembered that way by you the fans...

Hmmm...

Now ignoring the fact that a) Kristal spelled "fare" wrong, and b) Lita wasn't booed for *playing* a tramp... she was booed for *being* a tramp -- the bottom line here is that the bulk of Kristal's argument in the above excerpt seems to talk a lot more about being perceived as a slut herself and a lot less about playing out a stereotype against black women in general.

Which begs the obvious question --

If Kristal Marshall really was so darn steamed about a "racially uncomfortable" storyline from the word "go" (so much so, in fact, that it cost her a job with the company), then why-oh-why did she (or her supporters) NEVER ONCE mention the issue of race until a full three months after the fact?

Long story short -

If WWE's creative team really was crossing the line with a racist storyline three months back? Then shame on them, say as much, and I *guarantee* you there'd be PLENTY of fans and news outlets alike that'd be willing to hear your side of the story.

But telling another story altogether ("I don't want to play a slut!"), only to turn around and play the race card a quarter-year *after* you'd already gone public with another greivance altogether? Hate to say it, but that looks an awful lot like playing the race card, making Marshall's case (and by extension, Lashley's) on this matter seem might suspect, at best.

With all signs pointing to an imminent Lashley departure...

It seems only fair to point out that the biggest thing Bobby Lashley ever had going for him during his WWE tenure was his sheer (freakish?) size, which -- in the era of Wellness -- was pretty much a walking BALCO investigation just waiting to happen. Even if the guy really was clean as a whistle and 100% drug free, the simple fact of the matter is that he was (is?) only passable in terms of his in-ring abilities, and has had a hard time carving out a niche of fan appreciation in spite of a pretty long and sustained push at the top of the card. Though he had the size and the occasional "explosive" in-ring maneuver to keep him hot with the younger fans in particular, it was no secret that Lashley never was really much of a performer behind the microphone... a fact that had already begun to hinder his overall marketability in the long run (as opposed to other "kid-friendly" performers like Jeff Hardy, John Cena, and Rey Mysterio).

All in all?

If the guy is leaving, then he's really not all that much of a loss and WWE knew it. If the company were hoping to bring him back in a big way, then odds are pretty good that they probably would have brought the guy back already -- seeing as how he'd been medically cleared to wrestle since just before Christmas, and WWE rarely delays a return if they see the chance to turn it into a profit. Instead, they sat on his return while Creative "came up with something for him to do" -- and they bided their time before re-introducing a "suspect" physique to their regular crop of main-event mainstays. Can't blame 'em for that.

---

Chris Jericho Working on Second Autobiography
First-Ever Undisputed Champ to Publish Sequel to 2007 Bestseller

This is awesome news from start to finish, as Jericho's first book, "A Lion's Tale: Around the World in Spandex" is a phenomenal read. Sure, it comes loaded with at least a few boneheaded typos that leads one to question the authenticity of its authorship (the preface, allegedly penned by Jim Ross, calls Y2J's former employer "WWC" -- does THAT sound like the Jim Ross we know? Well o.k., maybe that was a bad example...) -- but aside from a few obvious flubs here and there, "A Lion's Tale" is great fun and an absolute must-have for Jericho-holics world wide.

Unlike so many other ghost-written-"auto"biographies, it's strikingly clear that Chris Jericho (or somebody who knows him *extremely* well) had a big hand in putting the pen to paper and shaping just about every paragraph of the final product. As you leaf through the pages, the overall tone of the book is spot-on, and you can actually hear the same smart-alecky, cornball, over-the-top wisecrack sense of humor that has come to define Chris Jericho's onscreen persona in the wrestling world and beyond. Even better -- since he's writing without the spectre of WWE's power of the pen hanging over his every word, Jericho's book comes across as honest and direct, with no need to doubt whether or not the guy is glossing over the shady parts of his career (see: autobiographies of Hogan, Hulk and Michaels, Shawn) or just saying the right things about the right people (see: autobiographies of Angle, Kurt and Flair, Ric) simply for the sake of drawing a paycheck.

Brimming with self-effacing humor, obscure side references (kinda like Family Guy, except -- well, *focused*), an inexplicable soft spot for Metal, and absolutely loaded with picture-perfect accounts of some of wrestling's most colorful and animated characters (take, for example, the Smokey Mountain Wrestling chapters and the story of Jim Cornette's heated run-in with a drive-through burger joint) -- the book is arguably one of the most entertaining wrestling autobiographies since Mick Foley's first. It is great to see that the publisher was so impressed with the sales and finished product of the first that they see it worthwhile to commission a second volume (Jericho's first book pretty much ends where his WWE career begins), and it will most definitely be fun to see if this second installment can measure up to the high standards set by the first, now that Y2J is officially back in the WWE fold.





Barbed Wire Massacre Banned by South Carolina State Athletic Commission
Blood Match between Abyss and Mesias Must Tape Prior to PPV

Not much news out of Orlando this week, save for the one small fact that the South Cackalacky Athletic Commission decided to pull the plug on their green light for the scheduled Abyss/Messias Barbed Wire Massacre match, originally slated to take place LIVE at the Against All Odds PPV.

On the bright side?

If (and when) TNA decides to go ahead with taping this match in advance (and airing it via tape delay at the PPV), they can probably get a fair bit of mileage out of the thing by billing it as "a fight so bloody that South Carolina wouldn't let it happen!" And if this blood bath is supposed to be the big-time blowoff between these two heated rivals, then bully for TNA -- as this approach could most definitely work to their advantage.

On the flipside, of course --

The problem with Barbed Wire Massacre II is that it's being trotted out (with no real explanation, might I add) for the FIRST gimmick match between two opponents who are likely to go at it at least a half-dozen more times before all is said and done. As such, the "blowoff" aspect of the gimmick match is lost, since there's a pretty good chance that it's not likely to settle a damned thing between the two guys... thus cheapening it's already-tenuous importance in the long run.

Problem #2?

It's becoming far too often of a regular occurance to leave an Impact episode, a live show (think Global Impact), or a PPV event with the image of a battered and bloodied Abyss to close out the night. In the immortal (and oft-repeated) words of Simpsons icon, Krusty the Clown, "the pie-in-the-face gag only works when the sap's got dignity." And when three out of every four weeks' worth of television end with the same guy absolutely gushing all sorts of blood (yet again, and again), folks become desensitized and it lessens the impact of the overall effect, ya' know?

It will be interesting to see where TNA goes with this one, and hopefully they will approach this newfound delay from the South Carolina Athletic Commission as a reason to take a quick second to re-evaluate just how danged important and high-profile they can make this match out to be. That way, the match is actually built up to *MEAN SOMETHING* -- and fans will tune in as a result (so that poor old Abyss and Mesias don't just put their blood and their bodies on the line for nothing more than your usual audience).




Ultimate Warrior Won't Mourn for Heath Ledger
Former WWF Champ Tactful, as Usual

Here's a fun little blurb-lette that hasn't received all that much attention 'round the webz this week:

In light of the passing of Academy Award-nominated actor Heath Ledger, former WWF and WCW superstar The Ultimate "Warrior" Warrior decided to sound off about the state of the world and (of course), his longtime on-and-off-screen nemesis, Hulk Hogan.

In this latest blog entry (click the link above), Warrior basically says that he's not wasting any tears over the death of a celebrity like Heath Ledger when there are countless men and women aged 28 and younger dying every day thanks to a certain war on terror in the Middle East. As Warrior sees it, there's no reason to waste sympathy on a multi-bazillionaire celebrity with too much stress to sleep properly when there are scads of everyday folks like you and Mee out there (but not him, of course, for Warrior is no mere mortal man, Hoke Hogannn) on the front lines in Iraq and Afghanistan risking their lives and never once bellyaching about how "stressful" their jobs are and how they need pills to make it through the day.

And in a rare moment of neo-con-clarity, Warrior Warrior actually makes something of a good point:

"There are a lot bigger tragedies in the world today than the kind of stuff on which most mainstream media outlets tend to fixate."

Warrior might have actually won himself some (much-needed?) respect with a comment like that, too -- had he left things at that and went about his merry way.

INSTEAD, however (in typical Warrior fashion), he proceded to:

a) Basically say Heath Ledger deserved to die for playing a "queer cowboy" in the first place,
b) Call Heath Ledger a great father, if only because he died young and spared his daughter the embarrassment of growing up with a wuss for a dad, and...
c) Slam Hulk Hogan and basically call for the man's death, effectively saying that every breath the man takes only further screws his children's lives up all the more.

(you can't make this stuff up, folks).

So in the end --

I just thought I'd take a MeeThinks moment to shine a quick spotlight on the online home of the Ultimate one. For those of you keeping score at home, yes, he's still crazy. But if you can appreciate unintentionally dark humor, the guy is an absolute goldmine.





This weekend, it's time once again for the WWE Royal Rumble! Last month, we started the PPV-year off with TNA's January offering, so let's see our status so far:

TNA Final Resolution - 5/7

Cumulative Total: 5/7
Percent Correct: 71.43%


Flair, Jericho, Edge retains, Orton retains, and... BATISTA? Sure, why not.




TJ Mulligan gets us started this week with some 'Thinks about a long-lost figure from wrestling's past:

First off, I am a Cowboys' fan (2nd favorite behind my Bengals), but I'll let your little gif slide since you crack me, so consistently, up.

Second, I haven't been reading many internet wrestling writer's stuff for very long so maybe people already know this, but what is your (and possibly others) opinion on Rob Bartlett, the comedian who used to do commentary on Raw? I have WWE 24/7 online and have been watching their ongoing series of old Raw episodes and this guy annoys the living hell out of me. Just curious as I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Third, I thought I'd leave you with a sweet Arrested Development joke since I know you love it (as well you should):

Tobias (as Mrs. Featherbottom): Okay, who'd like a banger in the mouth? Oh, right, I forgot. Here in the states you call it a sausage in the mouth.

Michael: We just call it a sausage.

Thanks, dood. Keep up the good work.

- TJ Mulligan

Rob Bartlett, eh? Lol. Holy crap is that one a blast from the past!

To put it plainly, Bartlett was a fish out of water, and his brief tenure behind the headset in the (then-)WWF pretty much made Dennis Miller's stint in the booth of Monday Night Football look like the second coming of Howard Cosell.

Yeah, he was that bad. :-)

So whenever folks whine about how terrible Don West or Jonathan Coachman can be, at times -- MeeThinks it's always important to keep a proper perspective on this stuff... as there's clearly a precedent that things could be a LOT, lot worse.

Major props for the Arrested Development love, TJ. That Tobias... he's such a blowhard.


Finally, here's one from Jadd Naamani, who's got some 'Thinks on a few of 'rasslin's hottest issues:

I've been in a cave for a bit, so I just read your archived stuff and wanted to say congrats on the engagement!!

Just a couple random questions/thoughts that have randomly popped into my head. First off...I was thinking about the old school days of wrestling and the storylines/way they used to do things. Sting Vs Flair, Sting Vs Vader, Warrior Vs Hogan, Macho Man Vs Jake the Snake...the Hollywood Blondes, the Four Horseman...remember when they had the 6-man tag titles?! Anyway, my point is...that was considered a huge boom period in wrestling -- I realize that was a completely different generation and the days of the late 80's/early 90's aren't exactly like today's times, but do you think if Vinnie Mac sort of made a switch to the old school days of wrestling, it'd be at all beneficial? I'm trying to figure out whether I'm just nostalgic for it, or if I'd actually enjoy it in today's times.

Moving on with this whole Flair angle...who do you think the best opponent at Wrestlemania would be for him, and how do you think they should go about it? Do you think they should have him win the Rumble, where they usually use the Rumble to build up a new headliner/main-eventer (by the way, even though it's a given that Trips will probably win, I actually think it'd be awesome if Kennedy won. He has momentum coming off of an HBK win and laying him out in the Raw Roulette match, you have him win the Rumble and go after a title, we could see what the guy really has...although he'd probably have to turn face). But anyway...do you have Flair win the Rumble to face a champion at WM24? Better yet...do you have Flair win the title as a final hurrah, then retire the next night on Raw while he's on top and a 17-time World Champion (frankly I think that'd be awesome, then you can have a tournament or something for the vacant title and put someone over). Opponent wise if he doesn't win the Rumble, who do you think would be best, and do you think they should use the angle to put someone over, or use it as a nostalgia factor? Obviously we won't see Flair/Sting...but as far as current superstars go, I can't see a better angle than having Batista/Flair because of their whole friendship deal.

Finally (and sorry this is so long)...The Big Show. Everyone is wondering what you do with him...I'm thinking you can finally put an end to this whole Khali/Finlay/Hornswaggle deal by using the Big Show. Have a huge gimmick match as a final blow off (Last Man Standing, Cage, hang Hornswaggle above the ring and if Khali wins, he gets to eat the lil guy for dinner...something) and have Khali win it. Khali goes for Hornswaggle, gets his hands on him and goes for the big chop, while his hand is in the air about to come down...WELLLLLLLLLL, WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOW!!! You have Show make the save, and you have a legit Big Man Vs Big Man match...I say for WM24 if they can build it right (have the blow off match happen at No Way Out since it's a Smackdown PPV, and either keep the angle running after their WM match or end it, although that would kinda suck to end it that quickly). It would finally end this whole annoying angle with Khali/Hornswaggle/Finlay, and bring back Show in a way that makes sense (although I have a feeling he is Triple H's mystery opponent on Raw). After WM, keep Show face and either have him feud for the title, or have him tag with Kane in the meantime and go for the tag titles (I think he should stay a face, and I have a feeling Taker will come out of WM24 with the title...I can't see a Show/Taker face vs face showdown going well). That's just a thought...any response?

Thanks man...keep up the good work and sorry if this jumbled up and not making sense...but I'm a radio guy and wrestling fan, not a genius!

- Jadd Naamani

Thanks for writing, Jadd. Lemme' see if I can't tackle your points in something close to a rough, approximate order:

1) Six-Man-Tag-Titles: Not gonna' happen anytime soon. There was a time when tag wrestling was the hottest thing since sliced bread (particularly in the American South), but that era was arguably ushered out once the age of 24/7 news networks and weekly cable television came to town. See, the main reason why tag (and six-man-tag) bouts were such a tremendous draw right up through the 70's and 80's was because national television exposure (and/or live shows touring through a town near you) was still at something of a premium... meaning, of course, that if you only got one hour of 'rasslin on TV each week, then you were pretty happy to take whatever stars just so happened to be gracing the squared circle.

But thanks to tag (and six-man) matches, fans were treated to the BONUS opportunity and the chance to catch DOUBLE the number of guys that they would otherwise normally see in their average 60-minute broadcast. And when televised and live-non-PPV matches were still regularly going for upwards of 15-minutes apiece, that pretty much sent the fans home happy feeling as if they'd gotten TWICE their money's worth in one night's show. I'm not taking anything away from the individual tag (and six-man) acts who really boomed in that time, mind you (Rock 'N Roll Express and The Fabulous Freebirds, for example) -- I'm just saying that the era of wrestling being a rarity has pretty much come and gone, and so it's much more difficult these days to get folks excited about "double the action" when we're regularly exposed to upwards of 10+ hours of wrestling broadcasts per week.


2) Flair's retirement angle is pretty idiot-proof the way it is, and so I see absolutely no reason to waste a likewise idiot-proof Royal Rumble win on a guy who's already got himself a perfectly acceptable (and marketable as hell) angle going into the bout. I mean, think about it -- if you look at the "no-brainer" draw that the Flair retirement angle automatically brings with him to the table, you're pretty much walking into WrestleMania 24 with no less than FOUR storylines that practically have written themselves. Like, for example --

Ric Flair's Retirement Match -- will it happen at WM24?
Undertaker's WM Unbeaten Streak -- will it happen at WM24?
Matt Hardy vs. MVP -- a long overdue blowoff fans are dying to see.
Finlay's "Deal" with Vince -- what's the payoff?
Royal Rumble Winner's Match -- automatic title shot! Can he do it?!

Throw in a few other standbys (the obligatory Women's Title/Divas match, a Money in the Bank Ladder Match, etc.) -- and you're already well on your way to a pretty stacked WrestleMania card from top to bottom... AND there's still two other World Title matches to add to the mix (say, ECW and RAW, or whatever).

Bottom line?

No real need for Flair to walk into 'Mania guaranteed a title shot. For Flair-fans, it'd obviously for one awesome-ass storyline if he did, of course, but there's really no need for two storylines to be spent on one guy if they're needed elsewhere. I'd say pair him against Batista once and for all and call it a day (if Batista is champ by then, so be it -- but don't waste the Rumble-win storyline), ya' know?


3) Big Show coming back should make for one hell of an impact. I have absolutely no idea whether or not they're banking on Show returning as a babyface, of course (and he was pretty freakin' awesome as a mega-heel just before leaving last year)... so a pairing with Khali seems like a toss-up, at this point. Plus Khali is absolutely terrible in the ring and WWE knows it (notice how rarely he actually fights in front of a live audience on PPV?), and unless guilt gets the better of them and they decide to do a Khali-Kane rehash (this time with Show playing the part of The Big Red Machine) for WM24, I really can't see wasting Big Show in this role if he could be used as a big, nasty monster of a challenger (good or bad) for another up-and-comer with more in-ring ability elsewhere on the card.

That said, mind you -- Vince *does* sure love him the "big men brawlz," and so we could easily be in store for an obvious (if uninspired) Big Show / Khali return bout for the Big Dance this year.


And With That, I'm Outta' Here

Thanks again for reading, all. That'll do it for Mee this week, and I'll be back in seven with a fresh set of 'Thinks on all-things-wrestling in the week to come. Until then, enjoy the calm before the SuperBowl storm (GO PATS GO!!!) and what should be a kickass Royal Rumble this weekend, and always stay positive!

- Meehan


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