Wrestling’s 4R’s 2.01.08: Punk Hates a Fiesta, Tomko Hates Angle, MVP Hates Flair, Orton Hates Cena and More!

Posted by Larry Csonka on 02.01.2008

There’s a lot of hate in this column…

How the 4R's of wRestling Work!

Here is a quick explanation of the 4R's. I will take the 4 main shows (5 if I go RetRo) of the week: TNA Impact, WWE Raw, ECW on Sci-Fi and WWE Smackdown. If we have a PPV, that show will get a special PPV edition of the R's all to its own. I then group my feelings on the shows in various categories: The Right, the wRong and the Ridiculous. The Right is stuff that worked very well: a great promo, a great match and so on. PuRgatoRy is a section between the right and wrong. It shows equal traits from both sides that cannot be ignored and need discussed. It is not a bad place per say, as things can get remedied or go the wrong way the very next week. The wRong is what it sounds like: bad matches, bad or boring promos and so on. The Ridiculous is stuff that had no right on TV: Stupid angles, Diva searches and so on. And there is always a possibility of a 5th R, which is as bad as they come, unless you are TNA. They have a special R all of their own, the 6th R; the Russo-FN-Riffic~! This column is supposed to be analytical, and at the right time very critical of the shows, it was the whole reason it was created. This is not a "mark" column, nor a "smark" column, my goal is to analyze the show from many different fronts, reward the good and call out the bad. There are also occasions where I will bring out a 5th or even a 6th R to the column, so beware of those~! I will not apologize for my opinions, they are as they are, whether very positive or negative.

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In HD where available…

TNA iMpact!:


iMpact 1.24.08:

The Right:

Robert Roode and James Storm w/Miss Banks and Jackie Moore vs. Eric Young and Sonjay Dutt plus a pissed off Miss Brooks: The in ring portion of the show kicked off with this tag team match. I liked this because Roode and Young have history, Roode beat Dutt last week and Storm and Young are feuding. It is a rather simple concept to toss it together, advance feuds and not give away the PPV match (in regards to Storm vs. Young.) Strong little opener, Roode got another win, which gives him momentum heading into his next match with Booker so that was good. After the match Brooks hit the ring and tackled Banks and they brawled. This was good as they are headed to a PPV match, and fits in with the whole deal. After all the talk, in ring this was a good little opener, short, but good and advanced angles well.

Tomko Continues to be Great: Tomko continues to be one of the few people booked on this show like a star. This week Angle was trying his best to recruit Tomko to his cause, but he would fail in spectacular fashion. His fatal flaw was trying to whore out Karen. You see, Tomko is a bad ass man, but he is a bad ass dude with a wife and child that he loves. When Kurt alluded that she may be a stripper, Tomko exploded and started to whoop his ass. This led to the challenge and next week we will get Tomko vs. Angle. The end of the show was great, as after Tomko tossed down AJ, (we'll discuss that later) Christian Cage stood on the ramp and smiled. Dance puppets dance…

The purgatory:

The 2007 TNA Awards: There are times that TNA does certain things that I really enjoy, and a lot of the time these are things that aren't done in WWE, things like the yearly TNA Awards. They let the fans vote on the website and then they give the awards out on TV. It is one of those little things that I think are cool. But there was one constant theme through out the entire evening of awards. Nobody was happy. I am not kidding. First of all, Black Machismo came to the ring for the X-Division Wrestler of the Year award. But he was a sad panda. There was no Black Machismo; instead he spoke like Jay Lethal. He thanked the fans and the like, and then said that through all of the abuse from 3D, he had LOST HIS SMILE. Seriously. I think the attempt here was to show that he was serious, which is why he spoke in his regular voice, but it was lost with the lameness of the lost his smile line. He then discussed his title match later with Devine. I am not saying he isn't justified, his character should be upset, but show some happiness and drop the crap.

Next was Gail Km, who won the Knockout of the Year Award. She thanked everyone for the incredible year, and discussed winning the title. But then she because sad, because she had suffered a concussion and that evil Kong took the title. Gail would explain that Kong was only out to hurt people, not for the title. This would bring Kong out, she brutalized Kim until ODB made the save. This works as it kept Gail in the mix and hyped ODB vs. Kong, but again, everyone is sad.

From there is was the memorable Moment of the Year, which was won by Booker and Sharmell for coming to TNA. This one worked perfectly as Booker is distraught over Sharmell's injury, so he shouldn't be that happy. This led to a good promo by Robert Roode, who crashed the ceremony via video screen and proclaimed that in the end, this was all Booker's fault. I liked this and am enjoying the Booker vs. Roode feud, as well as TNA not rushing him into the main event scene.

Finally we came to the TNA MVP of the year. This was won by Samoa Joe. He questioned why he wasn't getting title shots, and Borash said he did and failed. This led to Joe killing him, sorry about your luck JB. Cornette would come out to stop this madness, and Nash was out as well. Cornette admitted that Joe was screwed, and offered him to be the special enforcer at Against All Odds, with a promised title shot at Destination X. Joe and Nash talked, and Joe proclaimed that he wants a 5-year exclusive deal, and for every year he is in TNA he gets 15% more than Kurt Angle. If he gets it then maybe he will stop acting the way he has been. Cornette agreed to the deal and said he will have it ready for next week. Joe and Nash celebrate their monetary victory. Now, correct me if I am wrong, but didn't Joe want title matches and to be the star? Now it seems as he just wants money, making him no better than Nash, who he hated, but is now all buddy, buddy with. Confusion is setting in.

And while they did angle advancement and set things up, they took a lot of time away from the wrestling on the show. I think overall that's the major beef I have here. They again are too focused on the talking side of things instead of being the alternative they say they are, but rarely get to be on TV. Some good, some bad, just like everyone not getting along, so it goes here.

Tiger Mask and Curry Man vs. The Rock and Rave Infection w/Hemme: I really enjoy the Curry Man character, and am glad to see him in TNA. The Curry Man entrance is ELEVENTY BILLION STARS. The match was fine, they worked hard but didn't get a ton of time. The new gimmick alteration with Rave and Hoyt is a little odd, but fitting I think since they look like rockers now. But Guitar Hero? Seriously? Is that what we're doing here? Finally the thing I think that bothered me a lot was that the RnR are a regular tag team, and they had to take the loss here. I really wish that they would have had someone else job to Curry Man and Tiger Mask. Overall it was a fun little match, but it had issues.

TNA World Tag Team Title Match: The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Team 3D vs. Tomko and AJ Styles © w/Karen Angle: The main event of the show was the match for the TNA tag team titles. The match, as far as wrestling goes was pretty good. The problem again is the commercial, as about 1/3 of the match was killed by commercial, which I hate to be repetitive, but it kills the flow of the match. The booking of Tomko is strong, but while I am loving the Tomko push, did he have to win on his own like that? He was out numbered 4-1, sure the four guys didn't get along, but with the newfound dissention between the champs they could have done the title change here. I would have been fine with that, because now I fear that they will drop the tag titles to 89-year old Bullet Bob and BG James. That will suck. Finally what they have done AGAIN is the Russo staple here, as AJ and Tomko as now PARTNERS THAT DO NOT GET ALONG! AJ pulled a Hogan and carried Karen to the back, only to return to the ring after Tomko had won the match.

The Wrong:

X-Division Title Street Fight Match: Johnny Devine vs. Black Machismo ©: I question having the same kind of match that they will be involved in at the PPV. They did this already with their feud, and I think it takes away from the PPV match. Sure there are four other guys in the match at the PPV, but I think you get what I am saying. The match was 8:50, and 4:10 of it was commercial, nearly half. Also, the title change really means nothing because Machismo has basically never had possession of it during this whole angle, and I feel the title change was way too late. And really, it wasn't that good a match, a few spots and weapon shots. I couldn't get into the match with the commercial in there, and it killed any and all flow. They worked hard, but the booking and time was really against them here. Add in Samoa Joe making Devine look like a complete bitch after the match and this was a failure.

The Ridiculous:

21-Minutes…: Usually every week I discuss the amount of wrestling that we have on the show. As I have stated repeatedly: I still feel that they need to offer up as close to as much wrestling time as there are commercials. There are 18-20 minutes of commercials per episode of Impact. So hence forth as I have said, I feel that there should be around 15-18-minutes of wrestling action per week, minimum on Impact. I think that is an important thing. They need to show enough wrestling to make people want to buy a PPV. No one buys a show based off of 2-minute matches, run ins and no finishes. And I would suggest I am right, look at TNA's buyrates. So that being said I think that 35-40-minutes a week of wrestling should be the goal with the 2-hour show. We fail again to provide the alternative. They gave us five matches on the show, which means the average match got a bit over four minutes. There were the two above mentioned title matches, one got 5:45 and the other 4:44, after the commercial time was taken out. Come on TNA, be that alternative that you say you are. Most weeks you give us barely as much or less wrestling than Raw or Smackdown. Monday's raw has 28-minutes of wrestling, and that was with the giant 16-minute opening interview.

Stone Cold Sharky: So after the skits of the week before, Shark Boy has fully recovered and was back on Impact this week. But he wasn't the fun and loveable Shark Boy that left us, no, he was a new Shark Boy. Stone Cold Shark Boy. He had some rip off Austin Music, the leather vest and the mannerisms down. He had a passable match with Elix Skipper, no one died so that it good. He won with the stunner and that was all. After the match he cut an Austin like promo, used all of the catchphrases, people chanted "WHAT" and at the end he drank clam juice instead of beer. I just can't believe that they are doing this. Black Machismo is one thing, Savage isn't active and is never around. I don't think it is great, but it is far from horrible. Stone Cold Sharky is bad because Austin is still on WE TV a good bit, and he had a DVD coming out, which means he'll make an appearance to stun some poor son of a bitch. Stone Cold Sharky is bad. I liked Sharky as the lovable jobber and cult fan favorite. Every once and awhile he'd get a win, he'd get a run in a gantlet match or something and it worked fine. But this, shit with Russo at the book I expect him to win the title any day now. I will agree with some that the b.W.o was funny and was popular, but to me this is another failed effort by TNA to piggyback off of WWE in a way. TNA is supposed to be an alternative, not a comedic reference to WWE. If you have to your guys do an impression of another performer from another company to get over, then maybe there's a problem you need to look into. And that's the bottom line, because I said so.

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SmackDown!:
By: "The Whole Geoffin Show" Geoff Eubanks

WWE SmackDown 1.25.08

For anyone in the Los Angeles area interested in attending the Raw house show at The Staples Center 16 February 08, I have two front row seats in the PREMIERE section for sale. Here's the link to the Staples Center site map so you can locate where these suckers are situated (please use the map on the right for center staging):

http://www.staplescenter.com/seatviewer.php?section=seatviewer&page=concert

The seats are in section 5. Note, please, these are NOT ringside seats, they are in PREMIERE seating, which is basically a luxury box-type setting with in-seat food and beverage service, basically where you'd take clients and stuff to schmooze them at the Laker or Clipper game. Please e-mail me if you're interested. I got these seats from a ticket vendor and am just looking to make back what I paid for them.

First off, let's address some correspondence:

From Bobby DiPasquale:

While reading your column this week I noticed you were on the same page as me when it came to thinking of what to do with the WTTT. I'm not usually a fan of Fatal 4-ways because I think it becomes a clusterfuck and no team nor the match itself gets enough time to shine.

Still, I think the way Miz/Morrison have done a solid job as champs, Yang/Moore have done as #1 contenders and The Edgeheads as logical contenders due to their stable status, this might be the best match plan. It gets all the teams on a PPV and a least a chance for the crowd to care about them and furthers storylines.

The only change I would make is instead of Deuce/Domino, I'd sub Jesse/Festus. Weren't those 2 having entertaining and solid matches with Miz/Morrison? What the hell happened there? Was there an injury I missed somewhere? Jesse/Festus were doing a solid job and the crowd went nuts for Festus when he tagged in. Plus we'd get to hear a rousing rendition of "Biscuits and Gravy"

Speaking of Deuce/Domino. I too feel a bit bad for them. I think, while still quite green, they've gotten better. They get solid heat. Deuce plays his character of hot headed greaser perfectly and Cherry is (in my opinion) the hottest of the current Divas. (Then again I usually go for the one no one else picks. I loved Ivory too.)

Anyway, just wanted to drop a note. The Rs is the best column on the site and you and Larry don't get near the credit you deserve for doing a great job fairly "judging" these shows.

Thanks, Bobby, good stuff there. I agree that Miz & Morrison have done a great job as WWETTCs, especially since they were basically feuding with one another trying to snag the WWECW Title off Punk, and were thrown together. Miz has improved a TON and Morrison got some star treatment in the Rumble match last Sunday, so it seems to me it's time to allow them to move on. Giving THE EDGEHEADS a run makes perfect sense to me, so the entire RMY has gold…it would just be a cool visual statement of dominance.


I was considering having Jesse & Festus replace Deuce & Domino, and that would even out the face/heel ratio, as well, but D&D have just been more visual lately. Scroll down to THE RIGHT section for more on Jesse & Festus. And I pretty well agree on your comments regarding Lenny & Squiggy. Cherry, though? You're on your own there, bud. Thanks again!

With regard to the other three members of the original SD! 6, David Crosson, Bryan, Matt P. and Sam all responded correctly, with Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle filling the other three slots. Leeeee John responded only slightly in error, thinking Brock Lesnar was one of the six; although Brock was lighting up the main event with some awesome matches at the time, it was the SD! 6 adding combustion to the tag ranks. A rule of thumb – Eddie and Chavo were LOS GUERREROS, Stephanie McMahon, then-GM of SD!, forced feuding Benoit and Angle into a tag unit and Edge & Mysterio rounded out the ranks. Your Slammys are all on the way!

Special acknowledgement to The Schwab for his suggestion that the remaining three were Mark Henry, The Great Khali and Michelle McCool. Funny stuff there!

LZ suggested that Jerry Lawler actually poured neat whiskey down the throat of Jake Roberts…that's fucked up! I'm a total boozebag and I'd be pissed!

Finally, Leon T. didn't care for my assessment of the SD! commentators last week:

The whole ridiculous part for smackdown was laughable, and not in a good way.

Okay, fair enough. What did you mean? Oh, that's it? Well, okay, then…

Let's rev up this donkey show! Your referee, Bronco Lubich.

The Right

Is this the face of a company that's learned its lesson…? – We saw Jesse early in the evening explaining why he and his partner Festus have been absent from SD! in recent weeks, which makes me happy from the start, because we already have some continuity. Jesse addresses Festus' affliction, whereby he's a docile pussycat until he hears a bell, then he snaps into his own ‘Nam and becomes an ass-kicking machine. Apparently Festus is undergoing psychiatric treatment to even him out. I think this is AWESOME, in theory. How many times have we seen a character debut who is fun and interesting to start, but, in the end, is an absolutely one-dimensional, dead-end character (Eugene, for some *cringe* The Boogeyman, etc.)? Festus was just such a character and, once he and Jesse FINALLY debuted, I was amused and intrigued until I thought about it, and wondered exactly where this character could go beyond the team's relevance. I'm holding my breath here and hoping we see something good come from this, something which will increase Festus' shelf life in WWE. Or else we'll just get something where Deuce & Domino sneak into his locker room and switch out his Zoloft pills for laxatives and have him poo himself on the way to the ring…cuz who doesn't love poo?!

Oh, and speaking of reasons why Jesse & Festus haven't been on the show, Jesse's suffering from a hand ailment of some sort, a break I think.

Speaking of one-dimensional characters – And I say that with regret, because Jimmy Wang Yang is one of my favorite performers on the SD! roster and one of the most talented, as well. However, I don't think McMahonagement ever expected him to catch on, or to turn in solid, exciting performance after solid, exciting performance week after week and to gain a cult following the way he has. He's Asian…but he's a COWBOY! Vince slaps his knee, guffawing and amusing himself. The Wanger is a performer whose time has come, but this cowboy gimmick isn't doing him any favors.

So why, then, is this in the Right section? Because JWY continues to succeed, pop the crowd and buck the odds every single week, this week being no exception. Oh, and for all you folks with HD, what kind of a treat was Domino's naked torso…in HD…?! I've never been so happy to be behind the times.


purgatory:

Edge takes it to the RUMBLE – The main event between Edge and CM Punk was pretty stock, IMO. There was nothing really wRong with it (save, of course, Punk's top rope flub), but there was nothing terribly Right with it, either. It just lacked that sense of bigness that should be implicit when the WC is wrestling. Punk, though, came off as being appropriately outclassed, able to give the champion a run for his money, even to the end that he was about to put him away in grand fashion, but in the end, Edge's experience got the better of Punk and The Spear sealed his fate. This was one of those matches that felt like a glimpse into the future, that down the road a couple years, we could be seeing this on a grander scale, but for tonight, it was appropriate, if a bit under whelming. All in all, I didn't think this was much of a terribly powerful go-home, like, nothing really would have convinced me to buy the PPV on Sunday if I had been on the fence, and that's sad, because last week's show did a hell of a lot more for me than did this one in that way.

"This isn't always easy, taking on two guys at the same time," Coach sagely offered. – First of all, DUH. Second, be that as it may, it never seemed to bother Missy Hyatt. Tonight's show opened with a Csonka Special pitting the #1 contender to Edge's WT, Rey Mysterio, against THE EDGEHEADS, Zack Ryder & Curt Hawkins. The match was damn good fun, as little Rey, who LOOKED outclassed and overmatched, stood tall, so to speak, and warded off the duo the entire match in exciting and believable fashion. THE EDGEHEADS have really nestled into this new role as heel flunkies and their style of tandem performance really lends themselves to such role quite well. The proverbial pecking order was clearly in effect here; Mysterio is a veteran and a former WC, he knows how to deal with these kinds of situations, whereas THE EDGEHEADS are still, for all intents and purposes, noobs, therefore it stands to reason they'd be unable to get the job done, even in tandem. Even the ending of the match makes a certain sense, for, if, as Michael Cole said, the boys had their "marching orders" (WHO says marching orders in 2008…?), if they couldn't win the match, they damn well were intent upon softening up Mysterio, thus introducing the chair.

Now HERE is where this normally perfectly acceptable match slips from Right to puRgatory (and this is the THIRD time I've brought this up); the ref called the match before the chair was even USED by ANYONE. The chair entered the ring, BARELY, and the ref was waving for the DQ. As I've said before, if Vickie Guerrero, Vince McMahon or the ghosts of Jack Tunney and Gorilla Monsoon want to lay down a unilateral rule in SmackDown! that any form of weapon play in or around the ring shall bring forth an IMMEDIATE disqualification, why then, FINE. However, week-in and week-out, we see Finlay & Horny Bastard McMahon fiddling about with all manner of foreign objects in and out of the ring, and there's no call there, because it advances the angle, and I'm totally fine with that, too. All I'm asking for is CONSISTENCY. Otherwise, fun and functional match, and we love our fun and function in The R's!

Batista's been shopping at H&M again – As Batista hit the ring, Coach suggested he'd never seen him so focused before. Really? I don't see focused. Fired up, sure, yeah. But focused? Nothing doing. Now, granted, Big Dave went Ironman in this year's Rumble, nearly 40:00, which says a LOT about his conditioning, especially considering he was one of the bigger guys in there (aside from Piper and his GUT), but he certainly didn't win. This segment was hyping Mysterio's shot at Edge as it was Batista's own chances in the battle royal…it makes me wonder if we're not going to see Batista/Mysterio at some point and in some fashion. I hope I'm not wRong, but it seems as if The Animal's been in a bit of a limbo since failing to take the WT from Edge at ARMAGEDDON. Time will tell.

Nobody gets me Lucky Charms – Here's a mental picture to take to bed…Khali shaving his armpits. G'Night, children. Oh, and to the tool holding up the "More Snitsky" sign, why don't you just take him home with you? That way, you can have all you want and none of the rest of us must suffer.

This was pretty standard and what I expected in the early going. Finlay starts strong with the shillelagh but Khaki knocks it away and proceeds to pound Finlay silly, threatening Horny Bastard McMahon all the while until he finally lays hands on him, his intension to Khalislam the leprechaun through the announcer's desk! Finlay groggily sees this and I'll be Hornswoggled if he didn't fire up as if someone announced last call! He pounced Khali, shillelagh in hand and proceeded to waylay the giant bloody! The closest thing to which I can compare his actions are when Ralphie fires up on the yellow-eyed bully in "A Christmas Story". BRUTAL. That's all cool and stuff, it's about time Finlay got him some…but would a resolution to the match have been all that awful? What's with the sports entertainment finish?

Post-match, we had more of Vince's double-talking/seed-laying for whatever madness he's cooking. Funny, the way he talks to Finlay really reminds me of my boss…

Breaking up is hard to do – Or not. I've been a huge proponent of the angle involving Jamie Noble, Chuck Palumbo and Michelle McCool since its inception for myriad reasons. McCool is a fantastic all-American girl we can all love, Noble is a goofball, but in a loveable sort of way and is a hell of a wrestler. Palumbo is a diamond in the rough and would benefit much more from being a heel than a face. This is also old school pro rasslin drama here, not sports entertainment testosterone-driven soap opera, and that's refreshing to see for once in WWE. Besides, I loves me a good old-fashioned double turn, and that's exactly what we had here, plus, I maintain this will be good for all involved.

So why is this in puRgatory? Because I'm somewhat concerned about the execution. It was just completely Drama 1. You could see the cues as if you were listening to a beginning drama teacher explain stage blocking. "As soon as Noble and Palumbo start bickering in the ring, Layla crosses to the corner and starts arguing with Michelle. Michelle retorts with a slap to Layla's face. When Palumbo hears the slap, he pushes Noble to the ropes, where Michelle…Michelle, are you listening, cuz this is really important, you HAVE to be far back enough on the apron to be in line with Noble as he's pushed into the ropes so you can fall to the floor, which sets up the turn." In addition, what we actually saw on SD! was pruned from around five more minutes of beat down footage, according to 411's Andy Clark. That concerns me, because what we got was already borderline tedium…can you imagine five more minutes? That could have been a real buzzkill. Granted, the crowd reacted the way they needed to react and what we got on TV was appropriate, it just concerns me that this story may be bigger than the performers involved. I don't want to believe this, certainly not! Let's all hope I'm jumping to conclusions and enjoy a good, old fashioned RASSLIN angle!

A final note. Why involve the WWETTCs in this angle where they're going to be completely overshadowed by the drama occurring between their opponents? Wouldn't this be better suited to Deuce & Domino, then allow, say, John Morrison take on Jimmy Wang Yang in an attempt to get Team Wanger back in title contention? Oh, yeah…who was it who suggested The Miz and Layla would be a great couple? Looked good, didn't they…?


The wrong:

A litany of wRong – As much I've wanted to enjoy all of this Undertaker/Big Daddy V/Mark Henry situation, there was SO much wRong breeding in tonight's Taker/V match, I was surprised it was Taker involved in it. First of all, there was the kayfabe idiocy that commenter Tuesday put as well as I could:

One thing that really irritates me is when announcers refuse to acknowledge past personas. I.E. "Big Daddy V has never faced the Undertaker. Never experienced the Long Walk" – Michael Cole. Are you serious? We don't have to give it a huge historical breakdown, but Undertaker DID feud with King Mabel. Yes, we all know it's supposed to be a story in the land of wrestling, but they treat us like idiots. Even the mention of, "these two have had their battles years ago, and now they're about to rekindle that war" would plenty suffice. It's just insulting to those of us who have been around for 10+/15+/20+ and are still supportive. But that's just me. I could be wrong. If I'm going to watch a story with commentary, at least give me some people who make it believable and are educated. And before it gets said, it wasn't a mistake I feel, just ignorance and laziness, especially since the commentary is VOICED OVER ALOT of the show, and NOT LIVE.

PREACH IT (and you're not even mentioning the fact that V, as Viscera, was part of Taker's MINISTRY in the late ‘90s; he knows Taker quite well!). No, it's not just you and, yes, that's another reason to despise this team of Cole & Coach, because they DO have the luxury of overdubbing. Toward the same end, it was obvious they had the task of building up how Taker's offense has "evolved" over the years to push the new finisher, which we'll get to, and, yes, he has, but not in the manner about which Cole & Coach were blathering. Coach said ten years ago, Taker would likely have rolled Right over a guy like V. If anything, he ought to have LESS trouble today than ever because he's diversified his arsenal, has a HELL of a lot more experience and is in the best shape of his career, carrying close to 30 pounds fewer bulk then in his "prime". And if Taker's evolved so much and so well, why is he still wasting his time on battling one-dimensional monsters?

Back to that finisher, according to the almighty Dunn, he was attempting a move called a gogoplata, with which, I confess, I'm completely unfamiliar, so I couldn't call it if I saw it, or judge whether or not it was applied correctly. Even so, V tapped SO QUICKLY, I couldn't have called it anyway. What was with that?! And to THAT end, I really have no idea how I'm supposed to feel about V & Henry, who came out like the bully's lacky in "A Christmas Story" crying, "You gone too FAR!" as V chewed on his blood pellet (how was that move supposed to have drawn blood?). Here they have this menacing presence and Taker sells for them and all (sometimes), but, when all is said and done, whether it's a quick, tidy squash or what seems as if it's supposed to be a believable battle, as here tonight, they end up neatly dispatched and done away with, only to come back the next week wanting to bump chests with Taker like a couple sixth graders too chicken shit to throw the first punch, but pissed off enough to be mouthy.

I'm not necessarily suggesting V should have gone over here…actually, with this being the go-home, a DQ with Henry interfering on V's behalf after he couldn't quite put away Taker would have made them look like bigger threats in the Rumble match, instead of V spitting up blood needing crybaby Henry's help to make it to the back.

Same schtick, different heel – As amazing as last week's VIP Lounge was, tonight's segment just fell flat for me, a far cry of the awesomeness that we had just seven days ago, and a shame considering the verbal maestro's involved. Although funny at times, MVP's cut-and-paste deal of post-retirement Ric Flair was the same thing we've seen from Edge and Chris Jericho, to name just a couple, numerous times before. As a matter of fact, I think MVP went a little easy on Naitch in those pics, as I'd have really gone to town and had him cruising around on a Rascal and soiling his incontinence pants, but that's just me. Perhaps if we had this segment last week and the VIP Lounge this week it would have been more appropriate for the go home show? This just seemed as if they'd forgotten about the retirement match this Sunday and popped this sucker in last minute.

Oh, yeah, has anyone mentioned that MVP is the freakin United States Champion?! Why not make it interesting? Flair loses, he retires; MVP loses, his belt goes jet-flyin and limousine-ridin? Seriously, MVP hasn't defended that belt since before Brutus Beefcake was a beauty school drop out.


The Ridiculous

NADDA~! (although…Taker/V was close)


Remember people, show Geoff some love by emailing him here: [e-mail]

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MONDAY NIGHT RAW!:


Raw 1.28.08

The Right:

Setting up No Way Out: Sometimes on the fallout shows there isn't a big push towards the next PPV, there is usually clean up from the PPV and then hints at the next show, with maybe a match announced. But with only three weeks to build to No Way Out, WWE had to come out of the gates hard and set things up as well as they could, and they did that on Monday Night. With the opening segment they signed Cena vs. Orton for the title (which I will talk about later.) So there's a major match set. Later on, William Regal poorly explained that there would be an Elimination Chamber match, featuring HBK, HHH, JBL, Y2J, Umaga and Jeff Harvey Hardy to crown a #1 contender for WrestleMania, going onto face the winner of Cena vs. Orton. So now we have two big time matches set for the PPV. At this point though I was wondering about Kennedy. He had been feuding with HBK and had eliminated from the Rumble. My questions would soon be answered, as the tease from the Rumble was paid off and he is to challenge Flair, in an effort to end his career. With only three weeks to build to the show they did a good job of slamming three major matches out there on the first night after the Rumble. That's a good thing I feel.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Brian Kendrick/Kennedy Challenges Flair: While we have seen this squash before, overall the segment was good. We began with the match. JR and the King put over that Kendrick was out to make a name for himself while his partner was injured. Now I will admit, I hate seeing Kendrick being treated like such an after thought, London as well after their great run on Smackdown. But as mentioned, we just have to accept some people's position on the card and the fact that while some of us may not like it, that's the way it will end up being. Kennedy is being groomed, and this was a part of that. Kendrick fought a good little fight, but Kennedy took the win. With him not winning the Rumble and not announced for the Chamber match, the win was good but we needed some explanation. And that explanation was some follow up from the Rumble, when he met with Flair. That segment was interrupted, but tonight his intentions were laid out. He begged not to be placed into the chamber match, because he wants to end Flair's career, put him down and waste him. Flair came out, accepting the challenge with a good luck and a "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

DX (HHH and HBK) vs. Snitsky and Umaga: So much for that one time DX reunion. Anyway, HHH was in need of a partner and of course he went to HBK. Hey had a humorous little wardrobe change and we were off and running. They had a pretty strong match, 9-minutes after commercial time is taken out and everyone seemed to be working hard. Snitsky stayed in a little too long, I think because he was amped to be working HBK. Hell I would have been too. The monsters dominated, DX played their face roles perfectly and the crowd loved it. In the end HBK super kicked Umaga to the floor, HBK got the plancha and HHH pedigreed Snitsky for the win. And let me say this, my dislike for Gene Snitsky has been well documented. But over the last few appearances he has had, I haven't been offended. I haven't thought he was actively bad. Actually, he is completely passable now in the monster role. I will also agree with Dunn that a monster tag team of Snitsky and Umaga would be perfectly fine if they had a kick ass manager. SWEET AND SOUR. A fine match, the monsters got to run and all three guys that are going to the chamber looked good, and the right guy took the pin. I was fine with this.

Randy Orton and JBL vs. Jeff Harvey Hardy and Chris Jericho: If you have been a reader of the column for some time, you know that this is one of those little matches that I like. We have two feuds, we have three of the men going towards the chamber and we want to get them into matches without giving away more singles matches. So we go with the tag team match, and it works. Everyone got to look good the three guys in the chamber and the champion. They played variations on an old theme with the RKO finish, thankfully it landed this time, if you know what I mean. The heels get the win, and then Cena comes down to "GIT EM SUM." JBL, in complete douche bag mode slides out of the ring and leaves Orton to take the FU. So while the heels got to stand tall in the match, Orton gets an immediate comeuppance when Cena makes another appearance to lay him out. A good ending to a pretty good Raw overall.

The purgatory:

Cena and Orton…at No Way Out?: Since it was announced on the show, I feel that the announcement of the title match at No Way Out is a topic that I can discuss. I, like many of you just assumed that Cena and Orton was set for WrestleMania. It made sense, Orton was the one that in story took Cena out, they were intensely feuding at the time and Orton has the belt that Cena never lost. It all made sense, but that's not what is happening. We're getting the chamber match, with the winner getting the winner of Orton and Cena. While not the way I think it should be, it tosses out a bunch of new possibilities, sure not all of them are a true possibility, but they are the most likely:

-Orton retains and faces HHH at WM
-Orton retains and faces Hardy at WM
-Orton retains and faces HHH and Cena at WM
-Orton retains and faces Hardy and Cena at WM
-Orton retains and faces Hardy and HHH at WM

-Cena wins and faces HHH at WM
-Cena wins and faces HHH and Orton at WM
-Cena wins and faces Orton and Hardy at WM
-Cena wins and faces Hardy and HHH at WM

So sure, in that aspect it is pretty good. And while it does throw things into a flux and doesn't paint the clear picture I am not really a fan of it. The fact is Cena was able to come back, he won the Rumble and a shot at WrestleMania. They have been pimping and pimping that, "The winner of the Royal Rumble goes onto WrestleMania to face the champion of his choice." After weeks and weeks of that, we're going to drop that? Especially with Cena winning, he and Orton have beef and having them built to WrestleMania for their big rematch makes sense. But then again with as much time as there is from not to WM, they may have resorted to some wacky tag team main event deal like last year, which while not bad, were annoying. I just feel that we're hurting the winner of the Rumble deal a bit. Nothing dramatic like "the Rumble winner means nothing" like I have seen written about, but I have loved the Rumble winner gets the title shot and was just hoping to keep some things for sure in this wacky world. So in the end I see why they are doing it, but I don't agree in the end.

Ashley and Mickie James vs. Jillian Hall and Beth Phoenix: The in ring action on Raw kicked off with Diva Tag Team Action, featuring Ashley and Mickie James vs. Jillian Hall and Beth Phoenix. It was a short match, 3-minutes and really, not that good. It wasn't horrible, but they seemed off and Jillian looked as if she may have hurt herself. I haven't heard anything though, so hopefully she was fine and was just selling rather well. Beth once again got the pin on Mickie and again, she was not happy after the match as Ashley could only look on. I will say that it seems as if they are trying to build something with Mickie James and a possible change back to crazy lesbian Mickie or something else, which is good. With her working the whole match in an effort to prove herself and pin Beth and her reaction after the match is proof of that. I just hope that they go somewhere soon and that she gets a win soon, because she really needs it. The good news is that Ashley Masaro had her best wrestling match ever this week. Yes, I know she stood on the apron the entire match.

The Wrong:

Melina vs. Maria w/Santino: Oh yes, this deal was bad. First of all, while Maria may be working on getting better in the ring, she is still horrible. I know it is early in the year, but she and Melina had 2:35 of the worst wrestling of 2008 thus far. It was just bad, and if Maria wasn't bad enough, Melina seemed to drop to her level, likely because she was about to lose and didn't give a shit about it. And then they played up the Playboy angle after the match. I like Santino when he is wacky and funny, and he was here, he had a few one liners about HD and JR's small monument, but I found myself not giving a shit about the whole thing. I can't put my finger on it, but I am not feeling the Playboy angle with them. Maybe Santino's wackiness wore off on me, or the shitty wrestling is killing it for me, or I just don't care about the Playboy angle since we get it every year in some way, shape or form.

Carlito w/Santino and Maria vs. Cody Rhodes w/Bob Holly: Speaking of bad wrestling, we got Carlito vs. Cody Rhodes this week. These two had a horrific match. Seriously, it was bad. They were off so badly at times I thought I was watching a beginning wrestling school bout. Taking the cake was the blown arm drag spot, where Cody went down, pulled and Carlito basically didn't want to go, stood there like a goof, fell and then looked as if he almost blew out his elbow. Seriously, why are you guys on TV if you are making such bad mistakes? You've both shown that your better than that, and a 3-minute TV match shouldn't be too much to ask from you. And as Holly started to chase Santino around the ring, we heard a boom and saw Carlito getting the pin. YES…WWE PULLED A TOTAL TNA HERE and MISSED the finish of the match. They would thankfully show us a replay, but that was not a good thing. While it is the obvious set up for a tag title match as Carlito has defeated both men now, that does not change the fact that the match was bad. Is it too much to ask for a passable 3-minute match? Really, is it?

The Ridiculous:

NADDA~!

---

ECW on Sci-Fi!:

ECW 1.29.08:

The Right:

Shelton gets a feud: For weeks I have been saying that Shelton Benjamin needs to get locked into a feud to continue his rebirth here on the ECW brand. Racking up wins and cutting some slowly improving promos are one thing, but he needed a feud so that he can get over that next hump. Last week they had the over the top rope challenge, which Shelton won when he eliminated Kane. They showed replays of this and to kick off this wee, we got Kane vs. Shelton in the opening match. Makes sense, led to a match, replays, I like this. They have a good little match, close to 7-minutes and as you would expect Shelton got to be the athlete, and Kane got to be the power monster. While Shelton got the upper hand last week, Kane was the one on the offensive this week and Shelton decided that he had enough of that shit, and Shelton took the chicken shit way out with a count out. Kane gets a little bit of revenge and he gets to beat down and humble Shelton a bit, but Shelton decided that he would run away to fight another day. THIS FEUD WILL CONTINUE. This is good because as mentioned he needed a feud, and Kane is over like rover still with the WWE crowds. He is also on that position where he is and needs to be used to put people over. This could work out well.

Colin Delaney gets a friend: Once again we had the always awesome adventures of Colin Delaney. He came to the ring again this week, he was being held together by ACE bandages and athletic tape, Tazz reminded everyone of the beatings that young Colin had taken and then he announced that young Colin would have to face the WWE Tag Team Champions John Morrison and The Miz. Morrison and The Miz reminded me of the cocky assholes in high school that would salivate when the new kid that looked like Poindexter showed up. They beat young Colin down, but this week something was different. Young Colin got some offense, well, by offense I mean he fell down and Miz and Morrison basically hurt themselves, but when this happened people dug it. Anyway, young Colin was brutally beaten again and pinned by the champs. After the match they continued to beat down young Colin, when Tommy Dreamer made the save. He would help young Colin to his feet and in the end we had new friends. As many have speculated, they are obviously making young Colin "Mikey Whipwreck 2k8." Young Colin in the role of Mikey and Dreamer playing the part of Cactus Jack. I like it, it is different to what they have been doing and that's a good thing. It is also a little nod to Dreamer's ECW roots, as the guy who constantly took a beating but always came back. I want to see Dreamer giving motivational speeches to young Colin, explaining that Jerry Lawler destroyed a testicle and that he constantly pisses blood but did it all for the love of ECW, while young Colin sits there shaking his head and predicting death. This also gives something for Dreamer to do. While many people dislike Dreamer, I feel that he has worked hard with the young guys and knows what his role in the new ECW is. And he just wants to be a part of it, and that al makes sense to me. I do wish that there was a little explanation for the handicap match, I mean, did Armando order it? Were Miz and Morrison pissed because of their Rumble performances? Did they just want to kick some ass? Explanation would have been nice, but I do like how the overall angle is heading and the addition of Dreamer into the mix.

The Championship Fiesta: The main attraction of ECW this week was Chavo Guerrero's Championship Fiesta! The whole show was set to lead to this, and overall it came off well. The Extreme Dictator Armando Estrada, who is greatly under used and under appreciated, was in the ring to announce our new ECW champion. They had a full Mariachi band there as part of the celebration as well. Unfortunately Vicky couldn't be there, due to injuries suffered at the Rumble, and Edge was at her side, so he couldn't attend. But he did have a special video package made for Chavo. It was a great video package, including some Heenan commentary, which only made me miss the Brain even more. Chavo was moved by this, and made a point to tell us that "he told us so," in regards to him winning the title and Punk being his steppingstone. He then celebrated as the band played, and even did a little dance. But Chavo's Fiesta would be ruined by…


MARIACHI PUNK FTW~!

Mariachi Punk was there to ruin the Fiesta in grand fashion. I though that this was a great way to end the show, to give Punk some much needed momentum and I think that it is safe to assume that Punk and Chavo will rematch at No Way Out for the ECW title.

The purgatory:

Punk gets a win…: I really have to go purgatory here this week. Don't get me wrong; I think it is good that they had Punk out there getting a clean win. The loss to Chavo for the title, the follow up clean loss to Edge and then Chavo tossing him from the Rumble derailed him, and he needed a win to regain his momentum. That is what they did this week but having his defeat Elijah Burke. Unfortunately Punk's new stream of momentum was another rehash of an old feud or match we have seen way too many times. I have seen Punk vs. Burke way too many times over the last year and I am sick of it. Also, how many times does burke have to be Punk's personal bitch? I know that Burke isn't a factor anymore in ECW and Punk is a top guy there, but really, we can't get anyone else for him to beat? Or we just couldn't keep him off the show until the Mariachi attack? Come on ECW, you can do better.

Kofi gets a little redemption: Kofi Kingston returned this week for his second ever ECW match. Last week many others, myself included were not very high on his debut, not so much because of him, but because of his poor opponent and his performance in the match. This week was…better, but not that great. They got a bit under two-minutes and it…was there. There was way too much back and forth for such a short match. Nobody gives a shit about Rob Echo, he is a goof and should have been treated as such. No offense for him at all. So they had this odd back and forth, Echo got some offense, which sucked and it appeared as if Kofi was "trying to get all of his shit in," which is a two-minute match is NOT the way to go. Again, this is another reason that the five-match formula doesn't work for me. They could have used more time, time for Kofi to work on crowd interaction (which I think he is good at) and time for him to actually shine. So far his debut hasn't been handled that well in my opinion, and I hope that it changes and soon.

The Wrong:

Kelly, Layla, Lena, Victoria…: You know, it's funny, as soon as I decide I am fine with the use of the chicks on the show they go and ruin it by having them wrestle. I still say that Kelly needs way too much work and needs to be trained more so that she doesn't hurt herself or anyone else. Some people are saying that she looked great in this match. Get a clue people, she was working Victoria; she was made to look as good as she did. Seriously, that's like the whole, "Wow, Tatanka looked great against Kurt Angle, we should re-sign him." This match between Victoria and Kelly was a poor example of a match that really didn't need to be on the show at all. Victoria wins, and afterwards Layla and Lena, who had come out to watch came in the ring, kind of tosses Kelly down and celebrated with Victoria. WHY. What good is this doing? Will Kelly grab some diva search whores and go to war with the female triple threat? I just don't care. Victoria is wasted on SD/ECW constantly, and Kelly and the "ho show" should be used as T&A for now while they train and work matches on house shows. Yeah, we didn't need this on the show at all.

The Ridiculous:

The Five Match Formula: Good lord do I hate the five-match formula. I dislike this because I feel that when you do that, you lose the focus of the show and it feels like you are just throwing shit out there to fill time, and not book a show. If you just throw matches out there with no rhyme or reason, and give them no time people won't care and then no one gets over, and that is never good. While technically there was nothing wrong with some of the matches, constantly running matches for the sake of having matches gets no one anywhere, it's just stuff, white noise, and that isn't good. If you have been a follower of the R's you will know that this has been a rant of mine for Impact and ECW in the past. The 5-match formula for a one-hour show doesn't work well. Almost nothing gets the appropriate time and everything on the show feels rushed as hell. I hate when the one-hour shows try this, it never works and doesn't add to my enjoyment of the show. As mentioned above, the ladies match wasn't needed. It wasn't good and really, what did it accomplish? So now Layla, Lena and Victoria are the female triple threat to take out the ever-dangerous Kelly Kelly. Seriously? Let them dance or some shit, but we didn't need this. This was a pretty damn good little show all and all, you drop the crap with the ladies and it is even better.

---

And I'm out of here!

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