Why I Love/Hate Wrestling 2.03.08: No Way Out, Jeff Hardy, Stone Cold Shark Boy, and More!

I wasn’t able to watch Royal Rumble last Sunday and I am mad. I went all the way to Seattle to go to Hooters and watch it and it turns out the suits that run Hooters decided to pull all wrestling PPV’s. Which is really a bad business move on their part seeing as how the Sunday nights when they ran the PPV’s was their busiest night of the week for them and when they don’t have the PPV’s it is dead in their. Big mistake on their part. So, since I didn’t see Royal Rumble I will tackle some of the events that happened this week,

Why I Love Wrestling

No Way Out: TWO ELIMINATION CHAMBERS!

Oh man do I love the Elimination Chamber. It is kind of like Hell in a Cell meets Royal Rumble. Two guys start out and every five minutes (I think) a new participant enters. There had been talks of a Raw Elimination Chamber for a while but now the stakes are higher then ever before. See, John Cena just cant wait to tear into Randy Orton so he is deciding to cash in his Wrestlemania title shot at No Way Out (I will discuss this later). So the participants are as follows: JBL, Umaga, Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho, Jeff Hardy and Triple H. First off, that is a pretty awesome line up right there. All guys have something to add to the match and many of the participants have already proven that they can have great matches with each other. But who will win for Raw? Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and Chris Jericho have a definite advantage since they have already participated in the match. But based on pushes who is going to win? I will give JBL a 50:1 chance of winning since he isn’t really in the title scene. Umaga gets a 25:1 chance since he is more of a brawler and does well in this environment. Shawn Michaels has a 100:1 chance of winning since, at this point at least, he is slated to face Ric Flair. Chris Jericho has a 10:1 chance of winning since he has experience in this match and has unfinished business with Randy Orton that could drive him more that some of the other contestants. Jeff Hardy has a 3:1 chance of winning thanks to the enormous push he has been receiving. He is also featured on the poster for No Way Out and that could mean good things or bad things. The most probable choice for the winner of the match is HHH. It doesn’t matter who wins the title match because HHH has a match already made for whoever winds up with the WWE Championship. Plus he has won an Elimination Chamber before. But the biggest factor that could contribute to HHH success in the match is the fact that he is porking the boss’s daughter. I am just saying what everybody already knows. But no matter the outcome this match is destined to be awesome. I see this match as a second chance for Jeff Hardy but unfortunately I think HHH will take this win and head onto Wrestlemania.

Now we move onto the Smackdown Elimination Chamber. First of all, this marks a big step for Smackdown as it has always been Raw that has the Elimination Chamber matches (aside from the abysmal ECW one). Batista, Undertaker, MVP, Big Daddy V, Finlay, and the Great Khali will be featured in this match. While this may not have the star power that the Raw one has, there is no doubt that this match will still be entertaining, to say the least. Batista is the only wrestler with experience in this match but Undertaker has been in enough Hell in a Cell matches that I think he can handle it. I give MVP a 100:1 chance of winning this match because this is his first time stepping up to main event status and I really can’t see him main eventing Wrestlemania. At this point in his career he still seems like Money in the Bank material at the most. Big Daddy V has a 50:1 chance since he isn’t main event material and he really isn’t that good. Finlay is 25:1 even though I know he is going to lose he is just awesome. Khali gets a 15:1 chance since he has the size to do well in this match and he is a former World Heavyweight Champion. Batista gets a 5:1 chance since he has unfinished business with Edge, has experience in this match, and is a former champ. Undertaker has a 2:1 chance because a feud with Edge leading to Wrestlemania seems to be in the cards and he has been looking really good lately. This match will be entertaining and I think even guys like Khali and BDV will have a place in the match. These are two GIANT reasons that might just prompt me to order the PPV.

Jeff Hardy: Future WWE Champion
This dude has been RAW lately. He has been featured in a main event level feud with Randy Orton and has been having solid matches all around. He is my favorite thing going on Raw now and I feel, in my heart, that he will emerge victorious. What exactly does that mean? Well, I will tell you. He wins the Elimination Chamber over HHH. He then takes his feud with Orton to the next level and demolishes him backstage. Next week we see Orton visiting Matt at the hospital and beating him up. The GM then says that they cannot touch each other or Orton will forfeit the title or Jeff Hardy will lose his shot. The cowardly Randy Orton hires JBL to take out Jeff Hardy and JBL takes him out till Y2J makes the save, but a little to late. Next week Hardy cuts a heart-felt promo via satellite with a neck brace on. He said he has fallen from ladders and fought back. He has been put through tables and fought back. He has take 30 foot falls and fought back. Do you really think a beatdown from JBL could keep him down? The title shot at WM means more than anything to him. He would fight through it if he had a broken arm, leg, or whatever. He will be at Wrestlemania and he will win the title! So there is a little fantasy booking. That is the way I wanna see it go down.

And That’s the Bottom Line, ‘Cause Stone Cold Shark Boy Said So!
Some people may dislike this because of the blatant Steve Austin rip off, but I totally dig it. It worked for Jay Lethal, didn’t it? Vince Russo seems to think more highly of people who are wrestlers from his heyday, and those who resemble them is just as good. While Shark Boy wasn’t in the same predicament that Lethal was in (he had the talent but no personality), this could be something fresh for Sharky. He was a cult classic to begin with but I think this could open him up to a new audience. I totally dig this new look and he has all of Stone Cold’s mannerisms down to a T, and I enjoyed the segment this last week when he called out Slick Johnson and dealt out all the Stunners. If Russo is gonna continue this, then I have three words: WATCH OUT CORNETTE!

Why I Hate Wrestling

John Cena’s Return Leading to Triple H’s Return to Power?
When I first heard John Cena had made his return, I was shocked. WWE had totally duped us and I honestly had no idea that he was going to come back. Then I thought, “Well, now we will see the Randy Orton/ John Cena feud continue to Wrestlemania. They have some unfinished business and this would be a good way to end the feud.” But then when they said that the John Cena vs. Randy Orton match would happen at No Way Out, my immediate thought was that Jeff Hardy has a chance at Wrestlemania. Then they announced that there would be an Elimination Chamber for the number one contender spot and Jeff seemed destined to make it. Then they went down the list of participants and my heart sank. The two words that I didn’t want to hear come from Regal’s mouth most definitely did: Triple H. So with one fell swoop, almost all of my hopes for Hardy went down the crapper. It seems highly likely that HHH will reign King in the Elimination Chamber and head to Wrestlemania for Cena/Triple II: Electric Boogaloo. Jeff Hardy has been on fire lately and it looks like Triple H will be the bucket of water that douses Hardy.

John Cena vs. Randy Orton: Too Soon?
Like I mentioned before, I was actually looking forward to the build leading up to John Cena vs. Randy Orton at Wrestlemania. It would have been fresher than the other option of Triple H and I think the build would be great. But now they are going full force and heading into No Way Out with the title on the line. I actually didn’t know that they could cash in their WM title shot at another PPV, but I guess when you are WWE’s biggest star and your probable WM opponent is banging the boss’s daughter, I guess anything can happen. So I am sure the match at No Way Out will be fine but I think that they should have just let Orton and Cena main event Wrestlemania, but what can you do? The match at WM will still be fine but it kind of stinks to see Triple H abuse his power. I could be wrong, though, and Jeff Hardy could win the title. Any thing is possible…

VKM Gets a Title Shot
Oh man this is utter crap. I haven’t talk about this for a while since I have been preoccupied with other stuff but I need to get this off my chest. Voodoo Kin Mafia have not been good at all in TNA. They are a waste of space and contribute nothing to the tag division or TNA in general. So how does TNA treat them? Why, they give them a title shot, of course! There are tons of great teams, such as LAX, RnR, and MCMG, so let’s ignore them and give the crappiest tag team ever the title shot! That is a great idea! What I am basically saying is VKM suck and don’t deserve to be anywhere near the title. And with the dissension among Styles and Tomko I am actually believing that VKM will win the title, which is really, really disappointing, but not unexpected.

So this week has presented us with tons of big stuff, most of it coming from WWE’s neck of the woods. I have held of my harsh judgment on the upcoming Rat on a Pole match as to not be biased (actually just so I have more stuff to write about it next week). TNA is taking steps in the right direction and the wrong direction. The good stuff is MCMG, Sharky, Joe, and Cage. The bad stuff is all the old washed up guys like Reign, VKM, and some of the stupider storylines. WWE is looking good, too. Okay, so be sure to check out all the other great columns. Until then, stay classy, 411Mania Readers.