wrestling / Columns

The Thursday Small-For-All News Report: 02.14.08

February 14, 2008 | Posted by Jeff Small

One To Start With…

From WWE.com, “Congratulations are in order for Stephanie McMahon and her husband Paul Levesque. The daughter of WWE Chairman Vince McMahon has confirmed to WWE.com that she is pregnant with her second child.”

Hmm… where did I read about this first? Oh, that’s right, RIGHT FUCKING HERE. I told you monkeys all about this last week! Hell, I even subtitled the news report: The Apocalypse is Upon Us! And to my dismay, only one of y’all even commented about it in my news report! How dare you all! I serve you the juiciest piece of news possible and you reject it like it came from this man:

Fine. If that’s how you want to play, from now on, this news report will not include any rumors or gossip. If you need your tabloid fix, go read JP’s “business report”!

Wait for it…

Keep waiting….

Yes, yes….

WHAMMY!!!!!!!

Actually, that’s a lie. You know I love you all. And really without all the gossip and rumors, I don’t have much of a news report. Case in point: today! In this edition, we not only celebrate Black History Month (part 1 of 3) but also have a Valentine’s Day Surprise! Remember guys, it’s not too late to get your wife/girlfriend/baby mama/random ho a gift today. In fact, I have a great suggestion for those who still need a gift. Women love free services (massage, facials, rusty trombones, manicures, etc.) Why not get your lover one of these?

NEWS FROM TITAN TOWERS

DVD Talk

With no real news to talk about this week, let’s focus on what’s really important: the new Triple H DVD. I’m serious. Over the last few years, the WWE’s DVD collection went from rehashed VHS releases to surefire blockbuster hits almost every month. Case in point: in the first six months of 2008, we will be graced with the Legacy of Stone Cold (I have this one on order), Triple H’s dvd, a set on the Hardyz, and even one on the Rock. I know this comment has been made before but the WWE could seriously stop producing television shows and still profit off of their extensive wrestling library.

Today, we look at two upcoming WWE DVDs: The King of Kings and Twist of Fate: The Matt and Jeff Story ! First off, the H’s DVD.

The King of Kings

Judging by that lovely cover, you know this one must be good. As for the match listing:

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. John Crystal
RAW (5/22/95)

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Marc Mero
RAW (10/21/96)

King of the Ring Final Match
Mankind vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley
King of the Ring (06/08/97)

WWE European Championship Match
Owen Hart vs. Triple H
WrestleMania XIV (03/29/98)

WWE Championship Match
Triple H vs. Mankind
RAW (08/23/99)

No Holds Barred WWE Championship Match
Triple H vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin
No Mercy (10/17/99)

Career vs. WWE Title Hell in a Cell Match
Triple H vs. Cactus Jack
No Way Out (02/27/00)

30- Man Royal Rumble Match
Royal Rumble (01/20/02)

2 out of 3 Falls for the World Heavyweight Championship
Triple H vs. Shawn Michaels
Armageddon (12/15/02)

Hell in a Cell for the World Heavyweight Championship
Batista vs. Triple H
Vengeance (06/26/05)

Last Man Standing Match
Ric Flair vs. Triple H
Survivor Series (11/27/05)

Triple Threat for the WWE Championship
John Cena vs. Triple H vs. Edge
Backlash (04/30/06)

DVD Extras
Hog Pen Match
Henry O. Godwinn vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley
In Your House (12/17/95)

Triple H – 1st Professional Match
Terra Ryzing vs. Flying Tony Roy
With commentary by Jim Ross & Triple H
Burlington, VT (11/01/92)

Outside of the lack of any Triple H/the Rock matches (seriously no Iron Man match?), I’d say it’s a pretty definitive look at Triple H’s career. Perhaps the biggest selling point would be the Hell in the Cell match against Cactus Jack which has yet to be released on DVD (until the Hell in the Cell DVD arrives later this year). Unless of course, you have a hankering for the Hog Pen match (if only the match was in HD).

Should you buy this DVD? Of course, if Triple H isn’t your favorite wrestler, you clearly need to move out of your momma’s basement.

Twist of Fate

I’d give the edge to the Triple H DVD cover, obviously. As for match listing…

Disc 1 The Matt Hardy Story

Matches include:
OMEGA Wrestling Tag Team Title Match
The Hardy Boyz vs. The Serial Thrillaz

No DQ; No Count Out Match: Matt Hardy vs. Kane

Steel Cage Match: Matt Hardy vs. Edge

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match
Matt Hardy vs. Joey Mercury

Matt Hardy vs. Mr. Kennedy

Disc 2 The Jeff Hardy Story

Matches include:
The Hardy Boyz vs. The Dudleys

Intercontinental Title Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Triple H

Steel Cage Match for the Intercontinental Championship:
Jeff Hardy vs. Johnny Nitro

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match
Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin

World Tag Team Title Match
The Hardys vs. Cade & Murdoch

Winner Gets WWE Championship Title Shot at Royal Rumble:
Jeff Hardy vs. Triple H

Steel Cage Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga

With the use of the words “matches include” I think it’s safe to say that this is not the final match listing. And kudos to that. I would love at least one Brood match (perhaps the Hardyz vs. the Acolytes from Fully Loaded 99) in addition to the anti-classic Matt vs. Jeff match from Vengeance 2001. And for those of you who will bitch about the lack of TLC matches or Jeff Hardy/the Undertaker Ladder match, those all can be found on last year’s Ladder Match DVD.

Should you buy this DVD? I’d wait on a full match listing before making a decision. The Matt Hardy/Edge Cage match is almost worth it, though.

Its Business Time!

I know JP must be salivating at the prospect of breaking down the 4th Quarter earnings for the E. However, I get to beat him to it! Ha, how does that feel, JP? Man, I need to get laid.

From Linda McMahon’s Conference Call:

Concerning Smackdown: Linda said that the CW Network and WWE have agreed to part ways, and that WWE was contacted by other networks once CW’s exclusive negotiation period had expired. She noted that Smackdown will finish this season on the CW, and that they were certain it would have a new network home.

Well of course Smackdown will find a new network home. Many channels would die for the ratings Smackdown has (which doesn’t say much). The big question is what channel would benefit Smackdown the most. As I mentioned in today’s Fact or Fiction, there really aren’t too many channels that Smackdown could possibly end up on. Clearly it has to be part of the NBC Universal umbrella or on a neutral station like MyNetwork TV. And as much as I wouldn’t want it to be on MNTV (just because they have no identity), that’s probably the best solution at this time. Unless the WWE makes Mr. McMahon’s ass a full-time character… then the show would fit in well on Bravo!

Recession Fears: Concerning the impending recession and lack of discretionary spending, Linda noted that the company has “weathered these storms” before, and that while no company is “recession proof” they are confident they will be fine.

I would agree with Linda here. Even though domestic PPV buys are well below the glory years, buyrates have risen thanks to the overseas market. Throw in the fact that they have many smaller segments that are making them money (including DVD sales) and the company has seen worse days.

PPV Buys: It was emphasized that WWE has “turned a corner” when it comes to Pay-Per-View buys, noting good early results for the Royal Rumble, and that WWE is working to make each PPV more unique from each other.

I don’t think the “uniqueness” of each PPV is helping buyrates. If you were to ask me why the Royal Rumble’s numbers “look good”, it has a lot to do with the build for the event. The Rumble’s main match (Hardy/Orton) received a whopping amount of hype that anything less than 400K would be a monumental disaster. A strong PPV lineup with good build will bring increased buyrates. It works for the UFC all the time.

HD Costs: As previously reported, WWE spent $20 million to transition to High Definition. $10 million came from this past quarter, and $10 million is coming from the current quarter.

DAMN!

International PPVs: Linda noted that in many markets, PPV events were paid for by a television distributor and shown as “specials” for years and now they are in a transition period where fans are now being asked to pay for what they used to see for “free”.

Suck on that Wilcox!

CELEBRATING BLACK HISTORY MONTH ONE WEEK AT A TIME!

For the next three weeks, the Small-For-All will look at notable names in Black History. This week’s inductee:

Charles Wright

Charles Wright, best known for his accurate portrays of a shaman and a pimp, was born May 16, 1961. After a few years in Memphis (where he won the USWA Heavyweight Title), he debuted in 1992 as the Voodoo lovin’ Shaman, Papa Shango. Shango would go on to do great things in the WWF including this:

Yes, this motherfucker made the Ultimate Warrior vomit on live television. Seriously, that shit messed me up as a kid. Between random acts of vomiting and making the Warrior ooze black slime, Papa Shango has scarred me for life. Unfortunately, he scared enough people away from ordering PPVs. In fact, it’s a little known secret that Papa Shango is responsible for the down period in the mid-90s.

So what’s a black man to do? Well, he decided to ditch the voodoo in order to highlight what he was really good at! Was it basketball? Nope. Rapping? Nope. You see Charles Wright had even better skills. He was a Supreme Fighting Machine. Unfortunately, like many others before him, Kama (his new alias) was held down by the McMahon. Luckily for Kama, a few other superstars were also being held down.

Enter the Nation. By converting to Muslim, Kama Mustafa was now able to join the illustrious Nation of Domination. While spending most of his time in tag team matches with other members of the Nation (D’lo Brown, the Rock, and Farooq), Kama was able to show off his mixed martial arts skills. Too bad that, hater Ahmed Johnson, kept getting involved. You see Ahmed Johnson (see below) fought against the Nation for reasons unknown. Thankfully, he did not last long.

Player Hater.

Sadly, all good things had to come to an end and in 1998, the Nation disbanded. Luckily for Charles Wright, he had another skill in his pocket: pimpin’ ladies. In October 1998, the Godfather was born! In addition to pimpin’ hos, the Godfather had quite the illustrious career in the WWF including… uh… uh… oh wait, he won the IC Title in 1999! But really, the Godfather never needed that extra bling. He had the luck of the ladies no matter where he be…

Until he was brainwashed by the evil Rights to Censor cult. You see, the RTC was formed to abolish the indecency in the WWF. Rechristened the Goodfather (oh the hilarity), Wright spoke out against pimpin’ hos. Of course, his fan based dwindled to levels never seen before (the # of people who bought the most recent TNA PPV > the Goodfather’s fanbase). But he won gold: Tag Team Gold. Not too shabby for a man who sucked at supreme fighting.

The RTC had the greatest theme music of all time!

In the end, good conquered evil and Charles Wright was back to selling ladies on the street. What can you say: Pimpin Ain’t Easy!

Tune in next week where we take a look at another successful African-American superstar in the crazy world of wrestling.

NEWS FROM O-TOWN

Quick N Dirty TNA News

According to the Wrestling Observer, “ The rumored TNA Knockouts spin-off show is nothing but an idea at present and will not be happening anytime soon. TNA is wary of over-exposing the women they have and ruining a good thing by having to water it down with extra workers and TV time.”

How dare you over-expose your women? And to think it hasn’t already been done with Vince Russo on board. But Jeff, doesn’t Vince just handle few backstage segments? Well actually…

Vince Russo is currently scripting about 90% of Impact, with Dutch Mantel’s contributions being mainly the women’s segments.

I guess not. You know this really isn’t surprising at all. One of the major problems with Vince Russo’s booking is that he builds to weekly television shows and not to the PPV. Case in point: Rhyno returns on PPV to plug a special announcement he needs to make… on TNA Impact. Yes, television is important, but when PPV buyrates are in the dumps, it should be your first priority.

But then again, I’m just biased against TNA.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY… EVERY DAY THE 14th

To celebrate Valentine’s Day, let’s take a look back at the most romantic couples in wrestling history: