The Way I C It 02.18.08: Children, Clichés, Cages

Posted by Chris Lansdell on 02.18.2008

The regular look at the angles on TV, as well as another rant and the debut of a new segment!

Greetings humanity! Welcome once again to The Way I C It, where I am still in awe over the slam dunk contest last night. Despite the fact that his Superman dunk was not actually a dunk, Dwight Howard was clearly a deserving winner.

So what's been happening this week? We lost 2 wrestling legends, thankfully not long before their time. Mysterio could be out for a significant time, possibly as early as tonight. Ring of Honor has learned that you can't expect a PPV to sell with no promotion. TNA seem to be booking with some foresight. And, joy of joys, a new theme CD is coming out! Plenty to discuss then. Ready? HAJIME!

The Way I C The E

Big news for me this week was that Rey Mysterio has possibly torn his biceps. This is not a patchable injury, and depending on the severity of the tear he could and should be out for months. This, of course, throws the No Way Out main event into question, as well as the nigh-inevitable Chavo-Rey III program. Hold the phones, though. Rey is apparently ready to work through the injury if it is not too serious. Hello? This is exactly what I was talking about last week with wrestlers putting their bodies through too much in order to keep the fans happy. As fans, we should be happy with the fact that the guys are out there at all. Expecting them to work hurt, land on their heads or cut themselves to ribbons and go through plate glass is just too much. Someone needs to slap some sense into Rey's grade-4-size head and tell him to look after his body first.

Not that the angle he's in is doing much for me. Aside from aiding my weight-loss program by inducing regurgitation every time Edge and Vicky kiss. I find myself wondering why Rey cares: he's not a Guerrero, and since the only remaining Guerrero on TV has endorsed the relationship, what does it have to do with him? Storylines are fine for non-title feuds, but why does a title feud need all this extra baggage? The desire to be champion isn't enough? If you must have higher stakes, look at the Cena-Orton feud. That was beautifully booked. The Rey-hits-Vickie thing was pretty transparent, but Rey's facial expressions sold it like a million bucks. I'm digging the Rated RMY though, they have been nicely repackaged.

After 15+ years, I am so sick of watching Taker just squash every behemoth in existence. I understand that they wanted each of the 3 faces to go over the 3 heels in the Smackdown Elimination Chamber, and that's fine. Batista went over MVP and made him look good in the process. Finlay needed a weapon to beat Khali, thus keeping Khali strong. So why does Taker have to squash Big Daddy Moobs, and make it sloppy to boot. BDV is a talented big man and can do so much better, and we all know Taker is capable of great matches, though he normally saves them for PPV. Right decision, wrong execution. That gogolplata or whatever is pretty sick though. Bring back submission Taker!

Does anyone else feel like Batista is treading water? Prime candidate for Raw post-Mania. And since I have an uncanny ability to miss Jesse and Festus segments, how did they explain away this therapy he allegedly got that has not worked?

I think the Paulmbo-Noble angle is one of the best-booked angles on TV right now. Palumbo is travelling a road that in the past has proved very successful, one which I like to call the Maivia track. Starts as a face, gets little to no pop, gets turned, gets uber heel heat, and then becomes a successful face. Recently it's been done with Cena, Santino is in the middle of it, and now Palumbo. Hopefully it works, dude is talented.

Deer WWE,

Hornswoggle Do Not Want.



Seriously, either remove the man from my TV or reduce his role back to occasional comedy act. That does not mean booking a steel cage match with the pension-dodging evil chairman who is allegedly his bastard father. Hornswoggle is a classic example of knee-jerk booking – the man was getting pops, so he must be ready for a major story. Bzzzzzt thanks for playing, we have some wonderful parting gifts for you. Like a leprechaun trap.

I am loving this Jeff Hardy push. Clean wins over Michaels AND HHH, a spot in the Elimination Chamber, and a rumoured Mania match against HBK, who nearly always has the best match on the card. There are some who feel he should have beaten Orton, but I'd really rather see him cement himself at the main event level and win the title later rather than sooner. Hopefully by doing that, he can avoid the face Orton type of title run where the bookers realise they made a mistake and take it away faster than a good idea at a TNA booking meeting.

Paul Burchill was re-reintroduced this week, a topic Bayani does a fine job of discussing in his column. The much-maligned (before it even made TV!) incest gimmick has started off distinctly un-offensively, and could go somewhere. He's been given the Roll the Dice as a placeholder finisher, which is eleventy billion ($1 to Larry) times better than the Playmaker or a DDT. Strange that they didn't let him use the C4 flip uranage against Kendrick, who could no doubt take it in his sleep. Playing Katie up as a vampish diva who knows she's hot and is not afraid to use said hotness to her advantage is a good way to go. I'm looking forward to the Santino and Maria-Burchills feud, just to see Katie and Maria in a CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT!

Kennedy, of course, is not ending Flair's career. Still, the angle is amazing. Despite all the talk about someone young getting the uber-push of ending Flair's career, I'd kind of like to see Flair-Taker, career vs streak at Mania.

JBL and Jericho are getting better in terms of chemistry, but I really hope the feud ends after tonight's Raw. Both men need to be getting wins to make their returns mean something, and in a feud against each other, one of them is obviously going to lose. This could have waited a few months to let both guys get some momentum.

Stevie Richards!! Please God, let him have a decent run and a semi-push. Maybe give him a run at Chavo?

John Morrison is the Baskin Robbins of ECW – 31 flavours of awesome. I like the Dreamer-Delaney pairing, but they're going to need to do something with it soon before it becomes pointless. If they're going for the Mikey Whipwreck angle with him, there's nobody better on the roster to play the Mick Foley role than Tommy.

Kofi Kingston does not impress me. He's like a cross between Shelton, RVD and a touch of Rey, but he combines the lesser aspects of these athletes, not the best ones. Unorthodox offence is fine, but not when it looks contrived and hokey. And I've seen very little outside of kicks from the man. Maybe he has more, I didn't see any of his DSW stuff, but right now you can put me squarely in the Meh camp. Why do I get the feeling that if Kofi was in TNA, Russo would make his middle name Kimani or something?

Just when I was looking forward to Cena vs Killings vs Eminem, we find out it was never in the cards. Curse those interweb news sites! In other news, Dave Lagana is reportedly now working for mediatakeout.com

The Way I C The T

Since it's so rare, I want to start this section by praising TNA for something I think they are doing right. Ever since they got their primetime slot, TNA has been subjected to incessant IWC tongue-lashings regarding booking decisions and who goes over. With all the young, fresh talent on their rosters, people like Rhyno and Dustin Rhodes walk in the door and instantly get major feuds. Slowly, but surely, this is changing. Kaz got a meteoric, out-of-nowhere push, which has long been the best use of a tournament, even if it is a forgot use. Jay Lethal not only got a clean-ish win over Kurt Angle, but then single-handedly beat 3 guys to win back his X-division title and save said division. Robert Roode is feuding with, and will probably ultimately get the better of, the latest WWE-ject signing in Booker T. The bookers know it would be a mistake to suddenly depush all the veterans and bring up a bunch of younger guys of whom the casual fan has never heard, so they are doing it gradually. The real proof will be to whom Angle drops the belt: Joe, AJ, Tomko or Christian. Option 1 or 2 would be good, 3 would be acceptable, 4 would be back to the status quo.

Rumour has it that the Motor City Machine Guns are upset (along with Brock and Rey, and if you get that reference you're a fellow RSPW-ite...) about the way they have been used so far. They allegedly have some heat backstage about their attitude towards Creative (who can blame them? And I don't mean Jim Neidhart) and their concentration on what the IWC thinks about them. The second point is ludicrous. The IWC will love you until the mainstream does, just like in music. As for the first point...well, maybe if Creative actually did something, you know, creative... This explains the focus on Lethal in the street fight, and also Shelley's very visible apathy in the NASCAR segment. At the time, I chalked that up to him being from Detroit and not caring for NASCAR (is it even big up there?), but this sheds a new light on it.

If TNA "are wrestling", why is there so much comedy? I love Stone Cold Sharkie, Curry Man is Baskin Robbins, and AJ is mildly amusing. Eric Young was given the perfect opportunity to go all serious and get a push after Scot Hall no-showed got food poisoning, but that was brushed aside. Now he just grates on my nerves. Rock n Rave Infection have a good gimmick, but it feels so lost in the shuffle. Like much of TNA's undercard, to be honest.

It came to light this week that Vince Russo is responsible for the majority of non-Knockouts segments we see each week. OMGZ! In other breaking news, Demolition have won the tag titles!!!!!1!one!!~!eleven! As if the on-a-pole matches hadn't confirmed that. Russo has some great conceptual ideas, but with no Vince McMahon or similar strong will around to shape them into something more long-running, they seem like flashes in the pan. On their staff, TNA has or had two of the greatest minds in wrestling, in Raven and Jim Cornette. Bischoff and Paul Heyman are both available and talented. If Nash could keep himself out of the ring, he's pretty decent with the book too. Why are none of these guys getting a chance to put a set of reigns (not Luther) and some blinkers on Russo? Unbounded creative genius is worse than creative mediocrity. Wow, that's deep.

Anyone notice Tomko name-dropping the column on Impact? Pimping in high places, my friends.

The RoH section returns next week with a look at the weekend shows!

The Way I C It Rant Edition

Clichés are a necessary evil in the world of sports commentary. You can't watch a sports broadcast without somebody giving 110%, or leaving it all on the field/court/ice, or doing the little things that don't show on the stat sheet. Wrestling is no different. Someone needs to capitalise at least 4 times in a match. The momentum is always turning. People get broken in half all the time. Having said that, I really need someone to answer the following questions for me, because God knows I would never get the answers watching wrestling on TV:

What does RelliK's name spell if it's backwards?
Who is the greatest pure striker in WWE history?
What does Guerrero mean?
What is JR's opinion on the Santino-Maria relationship?
Has their ever been a gold medallist in TNA or WWE? If so, who?
How many times was Ric Flair world champion?
Does Triple H have any nicknames?

Enough is enough guys. I know some things have to be repeated in order to make the fans react the way you want, but by now WE ALL GET IT. Are you that uncreative that you can't phrase this a bit differently? Get some new material!

Rant Mode Off.

The Way U C Me

Tons of feedback this week. First, by email from D-Nick X:

Hello Chris, I´m writing to you again in response to your last column, I think that nowadays wrestlers are taking more dangerous and life-threateing bumps, and I completely agree with the statement that they are doing that to please us fans. Beacuse we always want more from them and if they don´t do what fans want, all of a sudden we start to turn our backs on them.
-Some examples of it would be:
Jack Evans: he recently broke some bones of his face having metal plates and bolts insterted on his face, after botching a Double Moonsault.
Austin Aries: he risks his life almost on a daily basis to make his opponent look better.
Jeff Hardy: risk his own health only to have a pop instead of thinking of the future.
And almost all Deathmatches/Hardcore indie guys: the less said the better.
I think that wrestlers need to tone down their matches and start to return to the roots of Pro-Wrestling, instead of doing 1080° arm drags focus on mat work, story telling and yes once in while do a espectaular move like in the past when a Moonsault was a rare thing to see being as well as a thing of beauty.

Spot on. Moonsaults are so commonplace now, I almost feel cheated when Jimmy Wang Yang finishes matches with one. It was only a matter of time before Jack Evans hurt himself badly. Matt Cross will be next.

-On the subject of CM Punk, I feel that he is being mis-used in ECW, having him drafted to SD! would be a good move, not only for his career but also to SD! as well, making good raitings, having the prospect of making the brand like it was on 2002 and giving profits to the network. I think that the WWE is stupid for punishing Punk, due to the fact that he is one of the most known superstars. On the matter of the promos and moves I think that the only way we could see Punk unleashing his old arsenal of moves would be if the WWE is on a loosing situation, like in the Monday Night Wars were they gave wrestlers liberty to do what they wanted. The only move that I think that wouldn´t see the day, would be the Pepsi Plunge, due to being almost the same finisher of HHH, thing that happened with Justin Credible, having his Spinning Tombstone Piledriver replaced by a Super Kick because it was the same move that the Undertaker used.

Punk is not one of the most known superstars. He's a big indy name in the big time, which makes him close to nobody. He's done well with what he's been given, but yes he is being misused. I've said before that Punk will only use the Plunge if he ever feuds with Triple H, and I think it would be all sorts of awesome.

Taker knows how to make an opponent look good? excuse me for a moment....BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. Yes he's the Undertaker, the man is a legend plaina nd simple. But if destroying two guys in a handicap make is "making them look good" then I've got some ocean front property in Manitoba I'll be willing to sell the moron that said for a very, fair price. ZOMGZ Punk blew ONE springboard clothesline. HE MUZT SUKK. Note the sarcasm you fucking mental midget.

Posted By: JMASCORPIO (Guest) on February 11, 2008 at 12:39 PM

Woah, calm down! While I agree with part of the sentiment, I don't think beating 2 people in handicap matches means that Taker doesn't make people look good. Just ask Larry, people like HHH, Batista and Taker constantly win handicaps. However, HHH has put over a string of people at Mania and made them look good, Taker has done similar with other main eventers, and both men have made Jeff Hardy look great. I think most of us can agree that blowing one move is not the end of Punk's career, however.

CM Punk has had the mic in his hand, had matches with "enough time", and has been given the ball to be a big fish in a small pond(ECW). What has he done? He's bland, basic, and NOTHING like he was in ROH, IWA, or even LWF. Screw botching a spot like a springboard clothesline, how about botching a spot like the chances he's been given. Of course though, Blame Vince! Blame the booking! Blame Triple H! Blame it on TNA for being "better"! CM Punk can do no wrong!

Posted By: CM Flunk (Guest) on February 11, 2008 at 02:16 PM

I can certainly understand why you feel this way. The IWC in general has a collective hard-on for CM Punk, mainly because of his awesomeness in indy feds. No matter what the man has done since coming to WWE, they jump to his defence. That said, how can you blame his shortcomings totally on him? Performers in WWE have tightly-scripted promos, they are told when they can speak, they have their movesets dictated, and their pushes are decided for them. Punk is over, no question, but he's been ignored for whatever reason. He's bland and basic because he's told to be.

Horses for courses. I think Punk is fantastic, and its clear he's over and shifts a lot of merch. I enjoy his matches more than 90% of the roster. Different people have different tastes. That said hes botched that springboard clothesline more times than he's hit it. A match between him and shelton when both are on an 'off' night could be interesting

Posted By: Skintymcedger (Guest) on February 11, 2008 at 04:03 PM

If by 'interesting' you mean 'unwatchable', then yes. I like both guys, but their movesets lend themselves to the odd botch and when those botches happen, they look really bad.

This was a good column this week. I gotta be honest, I was one of those people who was sceptical of Jeff Hardy being a main eventer until he did that dive onto Orton. I knew he was talented, after all he and his brother are practically kings of the ladder matches (sorry Shawn Michaels). But I was hesistant to embrace Jeff as anything more than a decent midcarder. But when he did that dive, it proved to me that he was willing to do what it takes to be in the main event.
I gotta be honest, outside of the occaisional "Holy Shit" bumps, I just find wrestling to be boring right now. I'm watching it more out of loyalty than actually enjoying it like I did even a couple of years ago. None of the new people really excite me, and the veterans are doing the same thing they've been doing for years.

Posted By: JLAJRC (Guest) on February 11, 2008 at 05:59 PM

I could not agree more on being bored with wrestling on TV. I tune in each week in the hopes of seeing another Cena-Michaels or Michaels-Hardy classic, and more often than not I am disappointed. Some of the angles going right now are good, but they are drowned by the sea of suck.
For The Way I C Hardy in the main event, see above.

Chris, totally agree with you that a good match doesn't need to have sick bumps. I think a good place to point to last year is Cena and HBK's 55 minute classic on Raw which showed good ring psychology and story telling instead of death defying bumps and sick spots. I'm sure the Cena haters will jump all over me now.

Posted By: Taiso (Guest) on February 12, 2008 at 01:21 PM

You know, that match was highly regarded and won or came second in most people's Match of the Year lists. If it had happened in 2003, though, it would not have cracked the top 10. It was still a very good match, and lacking in any dangerous bumps.

For those whose comments I do not include, please know that I read and appreciate them all. Keep them coming. Now, on to something I've thought about doing for a while...

The Way A 7-Year Old Cs It

Wrestling through the eyes of Lansdell Jr! Since there's been so much talk about how WWE caters a lot to children now, I thought it might be interesting to see how a child sees the product. My son owns Day of Reckoning for GameCube, SvR 2008 for DS, a couple of Cena shirts and a whole box of wrestling figures, including 2 Cenas, 2 Booker Ts and a Tatanka. He can name most WWE guys' themes from the first few bars. Here's his thoughts:

Favourite wrestlers: The Boogeyman, Kane, John Cena

Why: Boogeyman because he eats worms, Kane because he's cool, and Cena because he likes his song and he wins a lot.

Favourite move: Kane's chokeslam, because it really hurts other people.

If you were a wrestler, what would your finishing move be: The F-U.

No Way Out predictions: Ric Flair, Chavo, Cena wants the championship really bad so he'll win, Edge, Umaga because he's scary and a good wrestler, Undertaker because he always wins.

Next week, Lansdell Jr on CHIKARA! I know I've been promising a CHIKARA column for a while, but this time it really will happen! Honest!


Well that's game, set and match boys and girls! I'm off to buy some frozen yoghurt and Arizona iced tea for the PPV tonight. If anyone has any other clichés that I forgot, send them on, along with any other comments. Stay safe,

Lansdellicious – Out. SURIMATE!