Thoughts From The Top Rope 02.20.08: Dream Matches

Now I know that I promised my 100 Favourite Matches this week, but to be honest I just couldn’t find time to finish that off this week. I underestimated how much work needs to go into it. So I came up with a few ideas for the column this week and got some serious writer’s block. I restarted the thing a fair few times hence the fact that I’m a day late. Life’s a bitch. And for the record, I’m also terminally ill so don’t be too hard on me. And by terminally, I mean exaggerating a cold.

But it is only a short column because I’m running late, and it’s not the best I’ve ever written either but I’m making up for it by giving away another DVD, so just read and give me more hits.

Thoughts From The Top Rope

Everyone loves a dream match. It seems that 411 writers have just three topics that ever require discussion – WrestleMania, how much TNA sucks, and dream matches. I may be exaggerating again. I’ve talked about dream matches before but I’ve come up with a few more, and put them all into a single card – the ultimate WrestleMania.

This’ll be part 1 of several columns were I look at the greatest Manias of all time. This week I put a bunch of matches that never have happened and never will happen into a fantasy card. Next week, I’ll be taking some of the greatest matches in Mania history and putting them into a SuperMania.

Now because I’m a generous guy and I have a spare copy of Shawn Michaels’ Heartbreak and Triumph DVD, it’s competition time once again! All you have to do is enter your SuperMania card. I’ll judge based on how close it comes to my own and the winner gets the DVD. The only rules are; you can only use each performer once and you cannot duplicate match types and must stick to 10 or less matches. Email those entries to me sometime this week.

Now let’s get on with it.

The Greatest WrestleMania of All Time: Part 1

Tag Team Championship Match – Legion of Doom vs. The Hardy Boys: This would be the opening match and get a crowd really into the show. What we have here is two polar opposite teams. L.O.D. are big tough guys who love to throw their opponents around the ring and beat them down whereas Matt and Jeff Hardy are all about pace, hitting their foes fast and frequently. The obvious dynamic here would be L.O.D. playing the role of the heels and isolating one of the Hardy brothers for most of the match up. Hardy would make frequent comebacks but would be shut down before making the tag. Get a good 10-15 minutes of this and when the tag does come, the roof is blown off the place. Hawk and Animal would do some bumping around and make the Hardys look like gold before moving to the finishing sequence. In all likelihood, The Hardys would come up on the losing end, as they just could not match up to the resume of the Warriors although it’d be one hell of a tag team contest.

Bret Hart vs. Kurt Angle: I’ve never been a huge fan of Bret Hart. I’m one of those who thinks that the guy was tremendously overrated and only got where he did because WWF had very few legitimate main eventers in the mid-nineties. Bret probably knew it too, hence jumping to WCW when some new stars began to emerge in 1997. However, what is undeniable is the fact that you get him in the ring with the right guy and he’s going to deliver. His matches with Austin, Michaels and Owen are a testament to that. Put Bret Hart in the ring with Kurt Angle and you’re going to create some magic. Angle’s a better worker when he is a heel so that’s how it should go. The match would be mostly mat-based but it’d be cool to see them mix things up and brawl a bit because it would be unexpected. Obviously Angle would target the ankle of Bret to set him up for the ankle lock while Hart would focus on the legs and/or lower back. Choosing a winner between these two would be particularly hard as they’re equally matched. But I think overall, Kurt Angle is the better wrestler and better performer so he should get the win, maybe via roll-up so that Bret could piss and moan about it afterwards.

Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Championship – Razor Ramon vs. Chris Jericho:I’ve always been a big fan of Scott Hall. The guy could have been a really big deal had he not run into problems later on in his personal life. And we all know how I feel about Chris Jericho. And I’m a huge fan of ladder matches. My two favourite ladder matches are the “original”, Michaels vs. Razor at Mania X, and Benoit/Jericho from Royal Rumble 2001. The two matches have a fair bit in common in that the emphasis is less on the high spots, the big bumps and such, but more on the fact that when you get hit with a ladder, it hurts like fuck. Those two are by far the stiffest ladder matches of the bunch and they’re both ***** classics, in my opinion. So why not try and recreate some magic with this dream match? Razor would be the heel and Jericho the plucky challenger/ He’d come close to getting the belt on several occasions but take those fun bumps off the ladder into the ropes. Both guys like to work stiff and they’d utilize the ladder in such away that would reflect that. This would not be your average spot fest, it’d be a progression of big, hard-hitting moves, much like the Mania X match. Either guy could go over, but it’d be nice for Jericho to get a big Mania win.

John Cena vs. Hulk Hogan: In a dream world, here’s how I’d want a Cena/Hogan feud to go down. Cena and Hogan do some teaming up. Cena turns on Hogan. Cena cuts a program saying how he is sick of being compared to Hogan and being called a Hogan rip-off. He is bigger than Hogan and wants to prove it at Mania. Simple and effective. Cena goes in the heel but then at Mania, something strange happens – the crowd turns on Hogan and cheers for Cena! That has win written all over it, am I right? Of all the matches on my dream Mania card, this is probably the only one that has any chance of ever happening based on the fact that Hogan is going to need some money soon enough to sort out his divorce. The only question is whether or not he’d be willing to job for money, because a win for John Cena would be that motherfucker over the top. As the biggest Hogan-hater out there, I would love to see that orange old man tap out to the STFU.

Hardcore Match: Mick Foley vs. Rob Van Dam: While there may have been wrestlers who were more hardcore than Rob Van Dam, there are few who were as innovative or breathtaking as RVD was when he was in his prime. Sure he may have bottled it when he got to WWE but there’s no doubting that he could put on a great match if he wanted to. And Foley is the Hardcore Legend, arguably the greatest hardcore wrestler of all time and would do anything to have a good match. This could be a really fun hardcore match though it would have a hard time matching the ones that Foley had in recent years with the likes of Edge and Randy Orton. Still, every Mania needs a good old brawl and this would be it.

The Rock vs. Shawn Michaels: Forget Austin/Hogan, this is the dream match that I want to see. Arguably the two greatest entertainers in the history of the business tearing shit up in the ring for the first time ever. I only wish that Rock had swallowed his pride all those years ago when he was first offered this match. While I don’t know if this would be a ***** classic, I think the atmosphere alone and a crowd that would in all likelihood be split 50/50 would make this memorable. The key here is the fact that both men work best when they’re getting beat on and selling offence and thus for parts of the match they would have to work a different style and a different pace from what they are used to. I suppose that The Rock would be better to dictate the pace of the match because he can work heel with a swagger and make the crowd boo him at will. I was thinking about this match and some cool spots that they could work in, such as a double nip-up into a face off and such. Rock putting the Sharpshooter on Shawn would also be a hell of a cool moment even if he’s not Canadian. This is one match that would be all kinds of awesome.

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Nature Boy Ric Flair: I’d like to think that if I ever had a dream about pro wrestling, it’d of a match between Austin and Flair. Now these two have been in the ring before but never in an environment where people should give a damn. Could you imagine 1989 Flair vs. 1997 Steve Austin? Arguably the greatest heel of all time vs. the greatest face of all time, this would be absolutely unforgettable. Ric Flair begging off in the corner, only for Steve to give him the double finger and stomp a mudhole would quite possibly be the greatest thing I’ll never see. Before Austin’s match all followed the formula of a brawl, Austin was a tremendous wrestler, great with the psychology aspect and generally a terrific worker. Flair is Flair. This would be ***** all the way.

Part of the fun of dream matches is that because we’ve never seen them, the outcomes are left to our imagination. We can fantasize all day about how the matches would go and yet for the most part, they will never, ever happen.

Such is life.

I need to go and watch the Champions League soccer football now, and you all need to go read the other fabulous articles floating around 411. So go.

No, you hang up.

I’m not hanging up.

Fine, I’ll hang up.

…

You didn’t think I’d do it, did ya?

Well I did.

Kthxbye.