The Thursday Small-For-All News Report: 02.21.08

Posted by Jeff Small on 02.21.2008

Remember the days when I did need to rely upon silly pictures and media to supplement up my news report? Neither do I.

One To Start With…

From commenter Samer, "… Unless small and HHH are secret buddies, which judging Small's reactions to HHH's DVD, it might be the case."

Absolutely. Seriously kids, the Triple H DVD is so awesome that you might as well by three of them (one for each H).

Wait for it…


Wait for it…


Keep waiting….


Yes, yes….


WHAMMY!!!!!!!





Welcome back to everyone's favorite Thursday News Report! We are one week removed from No Way Out which means that it's officially my favorite time of year. WRESTLEMANIA SEASON! So what does that mean for you readers? After we finish the final two weeks of Black History Month (which continues down below), it'll be time to bring back the Wrestlemania Bracketology among other awesome segments. Thank God the writer's strike is over since I might even get some one to write a few jokes for me.

As for this week, we take a look at Rey Mysterio's most recent injury, the rising cost of Wrestlemania, and Floyd Mayweather Jr. Throw in another addition to the Black History Month Hall of Fame and this column should be a winner!

One last thing, I hope you all had a great Valentine's Day. Mine went something like this:



Okay, that's a lie: my girl was totally sleeping.


NEWS FROM TITAN TOWERS

You Got a Charlie Haas? OPERATION!

Pity Rey Mysterio. Dude's got the body of a 70 year old man.

Last week, news broke out on Rey Mysterio's bicep injury, which occurred during a house show against Edge and the Rated Rmy. At the time of the injury, word was going around that Rey would fight through the pain and still face Edge at No Way Out. Well as we saw, that happened. After the match, shit went down with Mayweather and the Big Show (which we shall talk about in a bit) and it looked like Rey would be heading to Wrestlemania to tag with Flyod Mayweather against the Big Show and Shane McMahon.

However, according to PWTorch, "Rey Mysterio has opted to have surgery to repair his torn right biceps that he suffered during a Smackdown tour of South America last week. The procedure will be performed by Dr. James Andrews on Friday morning. The decision was said to be a tough one for Mysterio because he did not want to miss a second consecutive WrestleMania and he knew how important the match was going to be in the advertising. He has been assured that he will still be involved in the angle in some capacity."

Kudos to Rey for opting to have surgery now instead of attempting to wrestle injured all the way to Wrestlemania. While the Wrestlemania payday would tempt most wrestlers (except for dumbass Bobby Lashley), it doesn't make sense for Rey to risk his already tattered body any further. Sadly, at the age of 33, Rey should contemplate a reduced schedule when he returns in six months. His body clearly can't hold up like it used to (he just returned from knee surgery at Wrestlemania) thanks to years of sacrificing his body to be taken seriously in wrestling. You have to give the little midget credit for what he's been able to do throughout his wrestling career.

By no means was this a roid injury. The WWE told me on their latest PSA that their superstars do not do roids. Look at Mysterio and then tell me that he's been on the juice.

Lady Picture Show


The Early Years


Totally Not Gay


I fail to see any proof


But hey, don't feel too too bad for Mysterio. He got to hang with this lady Monday night.



Speaking of her…

LiLo was in the hiz-house!

Being the self-proclaimed Perez Hilton of 411Mania (though I think Andy Clark dresses more flamboyant than I), I think it's imperative to take a look at Lindsay Lohan's recent trip to Monday Night Raw. While some might say (WWE.com) it had to do with the Sunshine Foundation of Canada, I personally think that LiLo is trying to become the next WWE Diva! Because really what does it take to be a Diva these days:

A jezebel (check)

Willingness to pose naked (check)

Able to get her hands dirty (must I bring up past catfights with Hillary Duff?)

Bad actress (check – sorry, I Know Who Killed Me just wasn't riveting (except in my pants!))

Yes, LiLo has all that it takes to be a WWE Diva. Hell, she *allegedly* does enough cocaine to become a real Diva too. Kudos, Lindsay – you are an inspiration to us all! That and she probably fucked John Cena. It's true, it's damn true!

Bye Bye Mini-Batista… Hello Mayweather's Beatdown

This will be included in all of my news reports from now on!



Now that was friggin awesome. I kinda wish I got to see the show on PPV.

Speaking of Mayweather, it looks like he's been a big hit in the lockerroom. According to PWInsider, ""Pretty Boy" Floyd Mayweather is fairly quiet backstage and generally spends most of his time hanging out with his entourange. Mayweather is said to be friendly when approached and has impressed with his professionalism which may surprise some given his reputation."

Good for you Mayweather. If everything goes well, you will have an increased fanbase along with the possibility of returning for future WWE events such as the next WWE Celebrity Battle Royal! Don't think that's a possibility? Just wait until Wrestlemania.

Wre$$$tlemania

According to Gerweck, "Wrestlemania 24 will cost fans $54.95 this year, up from last year's $49.95 price tag. WWE is also charging $69.95 to watch this year's Wrestlemania in High-definition."

For that money, you might as well attend the show. Hell, I'm only paying $100 for true High-Definition viewing. Plus if you are at the event, you can meet fellow 411 writers like uh, me and uh, Meehan!

I Guess Hogan Lost His Common Sense in his Divorce

In an interview with MTV.com, Hulk Hogan has apparently challenged Ric Flair to a match at Wrestlemania 24. "Hogan is quoted as saying, "They need a main event real bad, brother" in regards to the show selling a lot of tickets. Hogan feels that with Flair's career on the line, the match would be perfect to have. He also states that Vince McMahon should be the referee."

But wait, didn't Hogan just said last week that he was about to start a rival promotion with Eric Bischoff. I'm confused. Look, I know Hogan talks out of both sides of his ass all the time but clearly he's not too stupid. This is Hogan's version of getting his name out. He's doing nothing different than Britney Spears is doing. Thankfully, Hogan has enough common sense to wear panties in public.

Sad thing is there are certain people who take Hogan's word as the gospel. Don't believe me? Let me show you exhibit A:




CELEBRATING BLACK HISTORY MONTH ONE WEEK AT A TIME!

Last week, we inducted Charles Wright into the Small-For-All Black History Month Hall of Fame! This week, I am proud to introduce Rodney Mack into the SFABHMHoF!!!

You see, I was all ready to induct D'lo Brown. However, at the 23rd hour, it dawned on me that I never really was "Down with the Brown." Rather, I loved to "Back the Mack."


The Mack Daddy Himself

While Rodney Mack's career in sports entertainment was shorter than many other candidates, I feel Mack did enough in two years, that many African American superstars never had the chance to accomplish. You see, shortly after making to the WWE Roster WWE, Rodney Mack got a push. Instead of originally languishing on Smackdown, Mack had a chance to join the Raw Roster. And boy did he take his chance at the ball and run with it!

Mack immediately joined up with Teddy Long who was looking for another African American to manage after D'lo Brown lost a match to Booker T. Not only was Brown fired from Teddy Long Enterprises but he was also released by the WWE. This shows that Teddy Long is the most powerful black man in Sports Entertainment (especially when he's pushing around Vickie Guerrero in a wheelchair). To capitalize on his newfound push, Long and Mack did what no other WWE Superstar dared to do: he started a White Boy Challenge. If any White Boy could defeat Rodney Mack or last five minutes with him, they would win a lot of bling bling.


Typical White Boy

Little did everyone know that Rodney Mack was the man (not THE MAN) at beating down white boys. Hell, he even won a 2 White Boy Challenge. Mack was unstoppable at beating whitey until the ultimate white boy answered his challenge. Bill Goldberg sadly showed Rodney Mack who Da Man really was. After the White Boy Challenge ended, Mack teamed up future Long Associate Mark Henry. Together, they got to wipe the stank off of whiteys named Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak. Hey, if you can't feud with Goldberg, at least you can feud with Cade & Jindrak.

Unfortunately, Mack's career with the WWE was cut short when he was released from the company on Nov 4, 2004. However, this was not the end of Rodney Mack. In what would later be used to bring back popular shows on network television (like Jericho), thousands of Rodney Mack fans showered Titan Towers with CD Singles of Mark Morrison's smash hit "Return of the Mack."


Now this guy was cool…

And it worked. On Sept. 15th, 2006, Mack returned to the WWE – only this time as a trainer. In addition to smacking whitey's up on ECW House Shows, Mack made a few appearances in Deep South Wrestling. Sadly on January 18th, 2007, Mack was once again released from the WWE.

Tune in next week when we induct one final wrestler into the Small-For-All Black History Month Hall of Fame! In case the curiosity is killing you, here is a hint. This man was a former World Champion.


NEWS FROM O-TOWN

Quick N Dirty TNA News

From the Wrestling Observer et al,

If TNA goes ahead with the all women's show the idea right now is to sell it to another network. This is similar to what UFC did when the purchased WEC and got a deal for the promotion on the Verses Network."

I don't know about you, but I don't think there is enough of an audience to pursue an all women's show. After two weeks of "model shoots" and quick matches involving their 10 female wrestlers, I can't see it being a necessity. As many others mentioned before me, if TNA did not kill it's X-Division with goofy gimmicks, that would have made a great spin-off show.

TNA has announced that the Lockdown PPV on 4/13 will take place in Lowell, MA at the Paul Tsongas Arena."

At least TNA is smart enough not to try to book the TD Banknorth Garden Arena in downtown Boston. While Lowell is not the most ideal place for a wrestling event, it's still close enough to both Boston and New Hampshire to draw a larger crowd. Throw in the fact that the Paul Tsongas Arena can only hold 7,000 people and TNA might have a chance at 50% capacity. That said, with or without JP, I should hopefully get a papered ticket to the event!

ODB is the first Knockout to receive her own merchandise.

Her t-shirt states "Not Just Another Pretty Face." I think Larry can attest to that!


COMING ATTRACTIONS

Remember the days when I did need to rely upon silly pictures and media to supplement up my news report? Neither do I. Until next week…

Meehan's in tomorrow.

For the Thursday Small-For-All News Report, I'm Jeff Small… and you're not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!