The UnDream Match 03.01.08: Nailz, ‘Dr. D’ David Schultz & Madusa VS. The Ultimate Warrior, ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage & Wendi Richter

Posted by Mathew Sforcina on 03.01.2008

The Match Vince Doesn't Want You To See! (Well, neither does anyone else, but Vince has more reasons than just 'Because it would suck'.)

Once again, the Evolution Schematic will not be seen this week for a few reasons. A) I have an Australian's Cup to win. B) I'm still trying to work out which section it should be posted in. C) I need a bigger run up than I thought I did. D) These things are just too much damm fun. Enjoy!

We've done Like V Like. We've done the Opposite Ends of the Spectrum. But there is another type of UnDream Match left. And that is the "Two Of A Kind" mentality. For when there are two men or women who, despite all their differences, share a similar record, a similar spot, an identical achievement, they are often put up against each other. Shawn Michaels and Sting, the two loyal workhorses for their Companies. Ted DiBiase and Arn Anderson, both overlooked for a world title. Stevie Richards and Virgil, both lackeys. Stone Cold Steve Austin and Goldberg, both having bald heads.

But there is a small group of people who, for various reasons, got one man upset. There is a small group of Professional Wrestlers who, due to ego, backstabbing, contract demands, professional embarrassment, physical attacks and, if urban myth is to believed, rape, have all gotten into Vince McMahon's Enemies List. These are the guys he'll never have back, the ones he refuses to do business with, who will NEVER be in the WWE ever again. Considering Bret Hart and Vince managed to work out a deal, that's quite an achievement.

So, one's thoughts turn to a What If. As UnDream Matches go, this is a doozy. You'd never think of it, and you'll damm sure never see it, but what if? What if this Inter-gender Tag Match happened? Just who the hell would win in…





Nailz, ‘Dr. D' David Schultz & Madusa VS. The Ultimate Warrior, ‘Macho Man' Randy Savage & Wendi Richter





Brief Background:

Hard to be brief when there's 6 competitors, but let's give it a shot.

Nailz was an ex-con, looking for revenge against The Big Boss Man, whom he alleged framed him. He debuted in the WWF in 92, went after Boss Man, and seemed to turn his attention to The Undertaker when he was then fired in late 1992, after allegedly attacking Vince McMahon in a dispute over money. An ex-con, attacking someone? What a shock!

‘Dr. D' David Schultz came into the WWF in 1984 after Hulk Hogan had come into his home turf, Western Canada, and Dr. D chose to return the favour, attacking Jimmy Snuka to establish himself as an ally of Roddy Piper before targeting Hulk Hogan. But then in December 84, he attacked John Stossel, a reporter who made some unflattering remarks about the industry. The resulting brouhaha and lawsuits lead to him getting fired and blackballed from the WWF.

Madusa's career is long and storied, and due for an ES any day now, albeit after a break to stop anyone complaining about too many chick ES'. Suffice to say, her sin was perhaps the most unforgivable, as when she defected from the WWF (and her Alundra Blayze name) to go to WCW in 1995, just as the ‘Monday Night War' was starting to heat up, she took the WWF Women's Title belt and tossed it in the trash live on WCW Nitro. Hence why she's almost certainly never going to go back to the WWE and why, indirectly, Bret Hart got screwed.

The Ultimate Warrior has an unusual career, having been chosen as THE Guy only to end up fired and rehired more times than Marty Janettey. Well, not really, no-one's been hired and fired more than Marty, but Warrior comes close. Although Vince has shown that he's forgiven Warrior in the past, the last time round was the final straw and Warrior has now become an object of ridicule in the WWE, with a DVD out lambasting him and everything. His insane ramblings don't help.

‘Macho Man' Randy Savage is in a similar boat to Warrior, in that he was a huge name, the #2 guy for a long time, but his relationship with the boss went sour. But unlike with Warrior, where the reasons are fairly clear and open (Money, Ego, and the fact that Warrior is insane), the Savage/Vince relationship is murky as all get out. All we can tell is that right now, Vince wants nothing to do with him at all.

Wendi Richter's career has been covered elsewhere, albeit in an unfortunately poor choice of circumstance. She was arguably the #2 name in the WWF, and had the audacity to demand she be paid as such. For right or wrong, Vince disagreed, screwed her out of the title, and then pretty much removed her from history.

But enough on the competitors. Let's get down to the match itself.

Strength:

Although the match is set under Inter-gender rules, meaning that the men have free range to hit women and vice versa, the match is probably better to review as the women in a one on one and the men in a tag match.

For the women, it's fairly clear that Madusa, being a fairly strong gal, has the power advantage over Wendi, who was always more of a finesse, ‘good gal' style, beating you with a simple, fair move. So Madusa wins this one, but her tag partners aren't so straight forward winners. Nailz and Dr. D are both brawlers, albeit from different times. Dr. D was an old school brawler, raking eyes, pulling on body parts, and basically beating people up. Nailz was more a modern style brawler, punching, kicking, choking, more choking, a bit more choking, and maybe a foreign object shot or two.

On the other side of the coin, Savage and Warrior were both mad, albeit in different ways. Savage could, when he needed to, brawl with the best of them. And Warrior was a maniac powerhouse in the ring, throwing people around, shoulderblocking them, lifting them above his head, powered by the spirits of the Warriors, whatever that is.

So overall, the edge has to go to the Warrior/Savage/Wendi team, barely. Warrior's strength is just enough to tip it over.

Advantage: The Ultimate Warrior, ‘Macho Man' Randy Savage & Wendi Richter.

Speed:

This is much less a balanced contest. All 3 on the heel side are not quick on their feet. Whereas Wendi, Randy and Warrior can all fly/run pretty damm fast when they want to. Running circles around your opponent is always a positive, and the faces have that in spades in this contest.

Advantage: The Ultimate Warrior, ‘Macho Man' Randy Savage & Wendi Richter.

Brawling:

And back the other way we go. Madusa was a veteran of Joshi, incredibly hard hitting female wrestling in Japan. Likewise, Dr. D developed in the old school brawling style that wasn't flashy but was effective. And Nailz did nothing BUT brawl. Compared to that, Savage's occasional wrestling clinics, Warrior's power and Wendi's guts don't stack up. If they get into a fistfight, the heels have this one in the bag.

Advantage: Nailz, ‘Dr. D' David Schultz & Madusa

Stamina:

Warrior and Stamina. It comes down to that again. See, last time Warrior appeared in this column, the writer postulated that if you found a Warrior match that went over 10 minutes, you had a Rumble.

The writer was then inundated with people pointing out his Wrestlemania matches with Hogan and Savage.

Regardless of whether or not the writer remembered/knew about those matches (of course he bloody well did), the basic point remains solid. The basic point is that Warrior rarely had to wrestle in an endurance style match. He tended to win matches early or not at all. So his stamina, while tested with a passing grade on a couple of rare occasions when he was at full strength and in very important matches, is untested in non-career defining matches.

But is it enough in this match? Medusa's stamina is almost certainly greater than Wendi's, but Nailz is clearly less than Savage's. So who has better stamina, Warrior or the Doctor?

It's close, but the Doctor came from a different time, when a 10 minute was considered quick. The heels by a nose.

Advantage: Nailz, ‘Dr. D' David Schultz & Madusa

Intangibles:

There is one main intangible here. I could talk about Madusa's experience at fighting men, at how Randy and Warrior are both Former World Champs, about managers and past relationships (Madusa actually managing Nailz early in his career) about Nailz background in prison, but there is one, essential point.

Does anyone expect Savage and Warrior to get along?

The two men have so much history against each other, and are both so high strung and ready to snap, even with Wendi as mediator, all it needs is one misplaced shot (which the heels are sure to try and set up) and they would be at each other's throats. Whereas the USA Doctors of Prison team would, despite never being a 3 person team together before, be on the same page, regardless of any feelings between Savage and Madusa. So the bad guys get the nod here.

Advantage: Nailz, ‘Dr. D' David Schultz & Madusa

Willingness To Cheat:

This section isn't as one sided as it might seen. After all, Savage was an out and out bastard at times, so much so that he almost makes up for Warrior and Wendi's insistence on fighting within the rules. But he can only do so much, and when all 3 of his opponents are not above taking the low road, it's not a fair contest in the ditry tricks department.

Advantage: Nailz, ‘Dr. D' David Schultz & Madusa

Who Would Win?

It would not be a long match. Savage, Warrior and Wendi would clear the ring quickly, leaving their opponents disorientated, dazed and on the floor. But all too soon, Warrior and Savage would back to each other. They would turn, and one would instinctively throw a punch. That would set them off, and they would brawl off into the night, leaving Wendi to get the absolute crap beat out of her before mercifully being pinned a few minutes later for an, on paper, huge upset. A disappointing match, but an expected one.

Winners: Nailz, ‘Dr. D' David Schultz & Madusa