The Custom Made News Report 03.02.08

Posted by Ryan Byers on 03.02.2008

Jake "The Snake" Roberts makes major strides, TNA pretends it does, CHIKARA's much-hyped King of Trios comes to a head, and much more!

Welcome one and all to the Custom Made News Report for March 2. I'm Ryan, and many of you probably noticed that I was out of commission last week. I'd like to thank Steve Cook for filling in, not only because he covered this one column but also because he seems to be doing ALL of my fill-in work lately. My only hope is that this isn't the beginning of a Single White Female-esque scenario in which Steve begins wearing my Daizee Haze t-shirt and steals my front row seat at SHIMMER.

All the Stuff from Stamford

Roberts Set for Release, Hall of Fame

According to various sources, two big events are ready to occur in the life of wrestling legend Jake "The Snake" Roberts, and it's great news for long-time fans of the man from Stone Mountain, Georgia. It's even better news for the wrestler himself, though.


Young Jake Roberts

The first bit of news comes to us from PW Insider, which reports that Snake Roberts has been in a substance abuse rehabilitation program for the past several weeks. Roberts was sent through this program by WWE, who many of you will recall made an offer several months ago to place any formerly contracted talent in to rehab if that talent thought it necessary. I applauded the move at the time, and I have to do so once again, because the Snake is apparently set to exit the treatment program within the next several days. Granted, leaving rehab is never a guarantee that an addict's problems have magically been "cured," but the fact of the matter is that the program, if it was worth its salt at all, should have equipped the master of the DDT with the skills necessary to avoid some of the choices that have made his past so difficult. According to the same PWInsider story, Roberts plans on accepting independent bookings beginning on April 1, though it is not entirely clear whether he plans to work as an active in-ring performer or whether he wants to acquire non-wrestling roles on these upcoming shows.

One booking that Roberts apparently does have lined up is the annual WWE Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Yes, according to an update over at the Wrestling Observer website, the Snake will join Ric Flair, Rocky Johnson, and Peter Maivia as one of the individuals placed in to the Hall during Wrestlemania weekend. Long-time readers will remember that my policy on Hall of Fame inductions is this: The WWE Hall is never going to be 100% legitimate, as legitimate legends who have a grudge against management are never going to be inducted, while others who didn't necessarily have HOF caliber careers are going to get in because they were particularly good friends with the powers that be or because they just happened to have a piece of merchandise being promoted by WWE around the time of a ceremony. However, instead of constantly complaining about these issues, I prefer to think of the WWE Hall of Fame as an opportunity to celebrate the careers of EVERY long-term professional wrestler is inducted, as they have all made numerous sacrifices for the entertainment of us fans and deserve some level of respect as a result.
If I (or anybody other than Vince McMahon, for that matter) had a ballot for the WWE Hall of Fame, would I vote for Jake Roberts? I'd say that he's on the bubble in that regard, and I certainly wouldn't want to see him put in before long-term champions for the company such as Bruno Sammartino or Bob Backlund. However, on the modified considerations that I apply to the actual WWE Hall, there is no doubt that he deserves to be honored, particularly if his recent victory over his "demons" winds up being the real deal.

In fact, one of the most interesting things about this situation is the potential interaction between Roberts' release from rehab and his Hall of Fame induction. Will WWE actively play up the Snake's recent treatment as a part of his Hall of Fame story? Obviously, from a purely dramatic standpoint, the tale of the ultra-talented performer who fell to his own addictions and redeemed himself just in time to receive the biggest honor of his career is a hell of a plot. Of course, the problem is that WWE already ran a similar angle with Jake back in the mid-1990's, during which he had supposedly cleaned himself up and become a man of god. Reality was much harsher than fiction, though, as Roberts' disease quickly triumphed over him, leading in to the downward spiral which would eventually be documented in the 1999 documentary Beyond the Mat. It will be interesting to see whether WWE attempts to go with the same story twice given this history. On one hand, they have a few things to gain from it, as the drug scene in wrestling is currently under relatively heavy congressional scrutiny, and giving lip service to such a success story could help the public perception of the promotion. The flip side is that, if WWE runs with the story and Roberts ultimately relapses, the negative publicity could greatly outweigh the bad if a savvy enough reporter makes the right connections.

Perhaps even more interesting is the impact that the Hall of Fame induction will have on Jake himself and his continued sobriety. At first glance, one would think that being recognized as one of the best in your particular profession would be a great opportunity for a recovering addict to take inventory of all the great things in his life, thereby helping him to realize that he does not need any foreign substances in his body in order to enjoy life. Yet, at the same time, traveling to Wrestlemania generally and to the Hall of Fame ceremony in particular will mean that Jake is surrounded by plenty of old friends. Oftentimes revisiting old habits comes hand-in-hand with revisiting old friends. Though I'd certainly hope that Snake Roberts is able to avoid this fate, we'll never really know until the events of Wrestlemania weekend take place.

Of course, I've just spent plenty of time here speculating and plenty of time analyzing. However, at the end of the day, what I want to do most is not speculate or analyze. What I want to do most is congratulate. Congratulations to Jake Roberts on the hopefully successful completion of his rehab program, and congratulations to Jake Roberts on becoming a WWE Hall of Famer.

King of the Burc-Hill

The Monday Night Raw debut of Paul Burchill and his "sister" Katie Lea got a lot of buzz on the internet because, at least according to behind the scenes reports, their gimmick is supposed to be that of a brother and sister who are a bit on the incestuous side. I honestly haven't seen too many incestuous overtones in the gimmick yet, though they are at the very least playing a pair of siblings who make a disturbingly high number of comments about each other's sexuality. When they first read about or saw this gimmick, many people were aghast. "I can't believe it!" they said, "Why in god's name would Vince McMahon BERRY Paul Burchill like this? First he gets stuck as a pirate, and now he's got to do this crap?! Poor Paul!"

Well, here's a newsflash for those folks: First of all, Paul Burchill ain't that great. Don't get me wrong, he's perfectly serviceable in the ring, but I'm amazed at how heavily some fans online (particularly British fans) overrate his charisma and his ability to put on good matches. I doubt that he'll ever work his way up the card and in to the main event scene, so there's nothing wrong with giving him a gimmick that will perpetually stick him in the mid or upper-midcard.

Newsflash number two is even better, though. It turns out that the gimmick wasn't Vince McMahon's idea, nor was it an idea generated by any member of the WWE creative team. Who was it, then? According to an interview with British indy wrestler (and former Lea/Burchill coworker) Alex Shane conducted by BritWres.com, Paul Burchill and Katie Lea's new gimmick was designed by none other than . . . PAUL BURCHILL AND KATIE LEA! In addition to the Alex Shane interview, this story was later confirmed by PWInsider. It turns out that the duo of wrestlers, who had long been stuck in OVW despite the fact that they were head and shoulders above many other members of the developmental roster, was apparently attempting to come up with something, anything that they could pitch to WWE in order to get themselves on to TV. They came up with the Cruel Intentions-inspired characters, and the rest is history. This just goes to show you that we, as wrestling fans, shouldn't make snap judgments, because you can never tell exactly where a particular idea came from.

Besides, when it comes to incestuous British brother/sister duos in popular media, there's no way that Burchill and Lea are going to top the greatest of all time . . .



The Word from Dixieland

I Take Requests

Here's a news story that I originally wasn't even going to discuss. However, as I perused the comment section of this week's Impact Crater, I saw this line from reader Kristi:

I really want to hear your opinion on Impact going live. I think you will talk about it in your news report, right?

Well, I actually hadn't planned to. I figured that JP would have covered it sufficiently for everybody. However, I'm a man who always tries to give his readers what they want, so we'll dive in to this story headlong.

What do I think about TNA beginning to produce its Impact show live?

Frankly, I don't think that it's going to change a single thing. People have talked for years about how it would be great for Impact to go live or even about how it would be great for Smackdown to go live, but, at the end of the day, I doubt that either program switching over would have a significant effect on its ratings or the number of free TV viewers converted in to pay per view buyers. The focus should not be on whether a particular program is lived or taped. The focus should be on developing characters that fans can get in to and putting them in to situations that create in fans a desire to tune in every week. You can do that on a live show, and you can do that on a taped show. Neither one is any better than the other at generating the character and plots that really matter to the bottom line of viewership. If you want proof of this, look no further than TNA's days as a promotion that existed exclusively on pay per view. They did both live show and taped shows, with neither garnering buyrates significantly better than the other. In fact, if there were any shows that consistently did above average numbers, they were the company's X Division specials, which were almost always taped shows.

So why is there still such ballyhoo surrounding "going live" in various circles in the wrestling world? Frankly, I think that it's a Rellik (that's "Killer" spelled backwards) of the Monday Night War. When Monday Nitro debuted opposite of Monday Night Raw, it was a live show. It eventually started thrashing Raw in the ratings. The WWF responded by switching Raw to a format in which it was live every week. After this happened, the WWF regained ground against its competitors and ultimately overtook them. Of course, the story as I have just told it ignores a few crucial factors. Around the same time that WCW first triumphed over the WWF, the nWo invasion was one of the hottest angles in professional wrestling history. Around the same time that the WWF made its big comeback, the Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin were making themselves in to veritable legends of the sport. It's my belief that people give "going live" way too much credit in terms of helping the two promotions reach their peaks in the 1990's. It wasn't the format of the broadcast that made the difference. It was the talent and the storylines that made the difference. Yet, at the same time that the talent and the storylines were propelling the promotions to their highest heights, the programs were also regularly airing live for the first time. As a result, people remember the live shows as being far more important than they actually were.

After all, can you think of any other weekly television program in which broadcasting live is actually considered to be of any benefit? I can't. Everybody can head online or to TV Guide and get all of the spoilers they want for upcoming episodes of Lost or Heroes. However, people keep tuning in to watch those shows by the millions, because they're GOOD SHOWS. That's what Impact needs to focus on being.

Oh, Canada. Neither TNA's Home Nor Native Land

A couple of weeks ago, Ring of Honor's detractors all sat around and had a good laugh when it was revealed that the company's "Man Up" pay per view did literally THIRTY-SIX buys throughout the country of Canada. Well, now it's TNA's turn to be laughed at. According to Figure Four Online, the Great White North hasn't been that much kinder to Total Nonstop Action. Apparently, the promotion's pay per view shows are only generating a "few hundred" buys throughout Canada. Yes, a "few hundred." That's significantly less than the 25,000 that they average in the United States, which in and of itself is a pathetic accomplishment when you've got a weekly television program that averages one and a half million viewers.

So, we have the numbers from both ROH and TNA, but what do they mean? The way I see it, the data can be interpreted in one of two ways. The first is that, simply put, wrestling pay per views will not do well in Canada unless they are produced by WWE. If that truly is the case, one begins to wonder at what point TNA should just give up on the country. Ring of Honor has already had that choice made for them, as their last show was not allowed to air in the country because of its prior poor performance. The longer that TNA continues to air its shows without significant improvements in numbers, the longer that they risk suffering the same indignity.

The second manner in which the data can be interpreted is, believe it or not, even LESS favorable to TNA. Plenty of folks online, including 411's beloved Larry Csonka have repeatedly complained about how mislaid TNA's priorities are. They have between six and ten hours of first run television programming leading up to each pay per view, and that time is supposed to serve as a commercial. A commercial for what, you ask? It's partially there to sell merchandise. It's partially there to sell live event tickets. However, the main thing that it's supposed to sell is THE PAY PER VIEW. We're all aware that these commercials are not horribly effective in the United States, as the promotion has only recently started to rake in enough money to break even and most definitely has not recouped its several million dollars of operating losses from the last five unprofitable years. Yet, as ineffective as they are in the United States, in Canada the ads do even WORSE. Of course, you could view TNA's domestic profits as all they need to keep running and anything they make abroad as a "bonus." At the same time, though, you have to wonder how something like this looks when the company attempts to broaden its other revenue streams to better reach Canuk consumers. Will retail locations want to carry TNA merchandise if they get wind of this poor performance? Will venues want to host live cards? Hopefully the answers to those questions are "yes," as I really do want TNA to succeed. Unfortunately, that seems to be the far less likely response.

Random Video Interlude

Hey, it's one of my favorite matches of all time cut up and set to music! How can I not post this?

Seriously, check out these highlights from the main event of Michinoku Pro Wrestling's October 10, 1996 "These Days" show.



To view videos that have appeared in previous editions of the Custom Made News Report, be sure to check out my new YouTube page.

Indy-Sent Headlines

King of Trios Heats Up

One of the reasons I was really disappointed by having to miss last week's column was that it prevented me from doing a big preview of the CHIKARA King of Trios tournament, which is going down this weekend. Fortunately Cook managed to pick up the slack, but I would have enjoyed getting the opportunity to write that one myself. Even though I missed out seven days ago, the one thing that I can tell you about now is RESULTS. As of this writing, we only have information on the first third of the tournament, though I'd imagine that by the time most of you are reading this, additional results will be available with a quick internet search.

For those of you not familiar with the King of Trios format, it is a tournament consisting entirely of six man tag team matches. This year, the tourney expanded to include a whopping twenty-eight teams. Yes, that means that CHIKARA assembled eighty-four wrestlers in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and booked the vast majority of them for at least two out of the three nights that comprise the tournament triple shot. The first two nights of KOT featured six first round tournament matches and four second round tournament matches, with two teams each night qualifying for a bye directly in to round two. The third round of the tournament is set to kick off TONIGHT at the former ECW Arena, with the finals being held as the main event of a card that will also see copious amounts of non-tournament action. (If for some reason you have no plans for this evening and want to try to sneak in to the show, check out CHIKARApro.com for information.)

This bloated tournament had to begin somewhere, though, and it began with the following first round matches on Friday night:

1.) Las Chivas (Chiva II, Chiva III, & Chiva IV) def. Team ROH (Shane Hagadorn, Rhett Titus, & Alex Payne)
2.) The Colony (Fire Ant, Worker Ant, & Soldier Ant) def. Team El Dorado (Go, Mototsugu Shimizu, & Michael Nakazawa)
3.) The Order of the Neo Solar Temple (Hydra, UltraMantis Black, & Crossbones) def. Team Kaiju Big Battel (Unibouzu, Call Me Kevin, & DW Cycloptopuss III)
4.) Mike Quackenbush, Shane Storm, & Skayde def. Amasis, Ophidian, & Mecha Mummy
5.) Cheech, Cloudy, & mc KZ def. Brodie Lee, Jimmy Olsen, & Retail Dragon
6.) Team IPW-UK (Martin Stone, Ashe Samuels, & Derek Frazier) def. The Naptown Dragons (Drake Younger, Dustin Lee, & Scotty Vortekz)

First of all, we'll hit some notes on the talent that was included in this bracket. Night one of the tournament certainly had quite the international flavor, with Team El Dorado representing a small Japanese wrestling promotion with ties to the Dragon Gym System, while Team IPW-UK is, in fact, British. Top that off with luchadore Skayde making his CHIKARA return and mc KZ of Dragon Gate stopping in, and it's clear that some interesting competitors from all over the globe were going head to head on Friday night. I'd count the Chivas – supposedly a group of Mexican soccer playing goats – on that list, but there have long been rumors that the Chivas who appear stateside aren't exactly legitimate. There was domestic news as well, as CHIKARA darling Colin Olsen recently signed with WWE to take his "Colin Delaney" character full-time. This resulted in Retail Dragon taking his planned slot in King of Trios. Partner Brodie Lee (the man who introduced Colin Delaney to WWE, as a matter of fact) was not at all happy with the Dragon's performance and booted him in the head after the bell.

What did all of that talent do in the second round, though? Why I'm glad you asked . . .

7.) The Colony def. Las Chivas
8.) BLK Out (Eddie Kingston, Joker, & Ruckus) def. The Order of the Neo-Solar Temple
9.) Mike Quackenbush, Shane Storm, & Skayde def. Cheech, Cloudy, & mc KZ
10.) Hallowicked, Delirious, & Helios def. Team IPW-UK

I think that the most striking thing in looking at these results is the dominance of the CHIKARA regulars. All four of the trios left standing at the end of night one consist primarily of individuals who are on virtually every one of the promotion's shows, though there is the stray guest star or two thrown in for good measure. It should be interesting to see whether this trend continues on night two or whether we get at least one "outsider" team that manages to make it to at least the semi-finals, which is traditional in CHIKARA's tag team tournaments.

Regardless of who the advancing wrestlers are, this card looks very strong on paper, both from a wrestling standpoint and a booking standpoint. In terms of ring work, the opening round Colony/Dorado match and the next to last match on the show are already getting solid reviews from individuals who were there live, while Team IPW-UK apparently impressed a lot of people with their strong heel performances. We're also seeing some interesting storylines taking shape. If the second round matches were held in the order of the brackets, that means the Colony will be facing off against BLK Out in round three, which is a renewal of a rivalry that the two units had in 2007. Furthermore, round three would see Quackenbush, Storm, and Skayde against Hallowicked, Delirious, and Helios. This is significant because it pits all three CHIKARA titleholders against the trio that is the heir apparent to the group that won last year's KOT (with Skayde replacing Jigsaw). In addition to the fact that it should be a hell of a match, I'm rather curious to see who exactly CHIKARA puts over in that encounter. Giving QuckSkayStorm the duke would allow the promotion to play up the "Can they repeat?" story while simultaneously setting up a Tag Team Title match between Incoherence and QuackSaw later in 2008. Putting the champs over, though, keeps the three titleholders strong at a point in which they all have rivalries that will most likely pick up immediately after the tournament concludes.

From reading both results and reviews, I have to say that it looks like King of Trios night one lived up to everybody's expectations. I hope to have the same opinion of nights two and three, and I further hope that those opinions hold up when I have an opportunity to watch the events on DVD.

Fifteen Volumes of Fame (And More to Come!)

Because I'm nothing if not a huge shill for products that I enjoy watching, I figured that I would point out that details on the latest DVD release from SHIMMER: Women Athletes are slowly starting to pop up on the internet. The show, which was taped this past October, is scheduled to hit the internet for sales at some point prior to the promotion's next taping, which takes place in late April. In addition to a time frame for release, a sneak peak of the disc's cover art was also unveiled earlier this week:



Of course, the front cover depicts the Amazing Kong and SHIMMER Champion Sara Del Rey, who locked it up in a title match that was featured as the volume's main event. The rest of the card is laid out on the back cover. I was at this particular taping live, and I have to say that I'm excited about the DVD, because if the show comes off as well on tape as it did in person, this has the potential to be one of the best SHIMMER shows of all time. In addition to Kong and Del Rey delivering, Daizee Haze and Sara Stock had a match that absolutely blew away their encounter on the recently released SHIMMER Volume 13, and the Minnesota Home Wrecking Crew of Lacey and Rain had a surprisingly long, surprisingly competitive match against the tandem of Josie and Ariel. For more details on the new DVD as they become available and other information about the company, be sure to check out SHIMMERwrestling.com.

Linking In & Wrapping Up

Before we go, let's hit the links:

~ After a brief delay, I hit the DVD review section of the wrestling zone again this week to take a look at The Very Best of GLOW: Volume 3.

~ And, yes, I reviewed Impact. I'm a glutton for punishment.

~ Elsewhere on the site, Sat and his wacky sidekick talk about beating on little people.

~ In more non-me news, be sure to check out Ari Berenstein's Column of Honor. I was set to write a big piece about ROH's controversial Allison Danger/Bobby Dempsey/Larry Sweeney angle for this week's news report, but then I read Ari's take on the situation and realized that it was virtually identical to my own. (The only regard in which I disagree with Ari is his statement that people who are upset with the promotion are being worked by the angle. That's not correct. If people were being worked by the angle, they'd be upset with the HEEL, not the company's management.) Thank you, Ari, for saving me a good deal of time this Saturday.

And that's another Custom Made News Report in the can. I'll be back in seven days with another, and, until then, you can check out my MySpace and add me as a friend to get a bulletin notification every time that I add a new column.