The Custom Made News Report 03.09.08

Posted by Ryan Byers on 03.09.2008

The only wrestling column in which you're guaranteed to read about life's essential Three P's: Puppets, puppies, and Portia Perez.

Welcome, one and all, to the Custom Made News Report. As always, I'm Ryan, and I have the unfortunate duty of trying to piece together a news column in a very slow week. Hopefully I manage to hold your attention for the next few minutes, though.

All the Stuff from Stamford

All Quiet on the Eastern Front



Did somebody tell WWE that they shouldn't make too much noise because these cute wittle puppies are trying to take a nap? I honestly cannot remember a pre-Wrestlemania period in which less major news has come out of the company.

Seriously, what of note has happened in the last seven days? The biggest story I saw revolved around the little girl from The Cosby Show appearing at Wrestlemania. Whoopee.

The Word from Dixieland

PPV Preview: TNA Destination X

TNA Destination X

- This will be the fourth annual Destination X pay per view.
- This will be the first time that Destination X will be held outside of the Impact Zone in Orlando, Florida.
- This edition of Destination X will feature four gimmick matches.
- Believe it or not, this number is DOWN from last year's show, which featured six gimmick matches.
- There have been six title matches in Destination X history with two title changes.
- Destination X is unique in that there has never been a set of Tag Team Titles defended on the show.
- I'm still trying to figure out what the hell the name "Destination X" means.

Frankie Kazarian & Eric Young vs. Chocolate Reign & Rellik is Killer Spelled Backwards

- This will be the Destination X debut of Frankie Kazarian and Rellik.
- Dustin Rhodes/Black Reign's Destination X record is 1-0.
- Eric Young's Destination X record is 2-0.
- Both of Young's Destination X victories have come in tag team matches.

Jimmy Rave & Lance Hoyt vs. LAX vs. The Murder City Machine Guns in a number one contender match

- Alex Shelley's Destination X record is 1-0.
- Chris Sabin's Destination X record is 3-0.
- This will be the first time that the MCMG have worked together as a unit at Destination X.
- This will be the Destination X debut of Jimmy Rave.
- Lance Hoyt's Destination X record is 1-0.
- Hernandez's Destination X record is 1-0.
- Homicide's Destination X record is 1-1.
- Homicide really can't be blamed for that loss, though. He was teaming with Machete.
- God, Machete sucked.

The Dudley Boys vs. Shark Boy & Curry Man in a street fight

- Christopher Daniels' Destination X record is 2-0.
- This is the first time that Daniels will be wrestling outside of an X Division Title match at Destination X.
- This will be Shark Boy's debut on Destination X proper.
- However, Sharky does have one loss in a Destination X dark match, teaming with Norman Smiley to lose to the Diamonds in the Rough in 2006.
- The Dudley Boys' Destination X record is 0-2.
- This will be the second straight year that the Dudleys have wrestled in a street fight at Destination X.
- Last year's street fight was a losing effort by the Duds against LAX.

Jay Lethal (c) vs. Petey Williams for the TNA X Division Title

- This will be the fourth time that the X Division Title has been defended at Destination X.
- In the three prior defenses, there have been two title changes.
- Both of those changes involved Christopher Daniels taking home the belt.
- This will be the first time that the title has been defended at Destination X outside of a gimmick match.
- 2005 and 2006 saw Ultimate X Matches for the strap, while 2007 saw a two out of three falls bout.
- Jay Lethal's Destination X record is 0-1.
- Petey William's Destination X record is 1-2.

Rhino vs. James Storm in a Scaffold Match

- This is the second straight year in which Destination X has played host to a scaffold match.
- Rhino was victorious in the first such bout, defeating AJ Styles.
- Rhino's overall record at Destination X is 1-1.
- James Storm's Destination X record is 2-1.
- These two were also on opposite sides of the ring at Destination X 2006.
- On that year's show, Storm was on the winning side of an eight man tag that featured Rhino on the losing end.

Amazing Kong (c) vs. ODB vs. Gail Kim for the TNA Women's Title

- This will be the first time that the TNA Women's Title has been defended at Destination X.
- In fact, this will be the first time that women have wrestled on the pay per view with no male involvement.
- Kim is the only one of these women to have wrestled on Destination X before.
- In that match, Gail and Petey Williams lost to James Storm and Jackie Moore in a tag match.

Booker T. vs. Bobby Roode in a strap match

- This will be the first time that a strap match has been held on Destination X.
- However, there was a bullrope match in 2005, and that's basically the same thing.
- This match also features a stipulation in which the losing man's valet will be whipped by the winning man's valet.
- This will be Booker T.'s Destination X debut.
- Bobby Roode's Destination X record is 2-0.
- Both of those victories came in tag matches, and, in both cases, Roode won the fall for his team.

Samoa Joe, Christian, & Kevin Nash vs. Kurt Angle, Travis Tomko, & AJ Styles

- Kevin Nash's Destination X record is 0-1.
- Christian's Destination X record is 2-0.
- Samoa Joe's Destination X record is 0-2.
- This will be Travis Tomko's Destination X debut.
- Kurt Angle's Destination X record is 1-0.
- AJ Styles' Destination X record is 0-3.
- Christian and Joe have history at Destination X, as Cage defeated Joe at last year's show.
- Styles and Joe also have a history, with the two men wrestling in an Ultimate X Match with Christopher Daniels in 2006.

Random Video Interlude

Ever see a pro wrestler interviewed by a puppet? I hadn't either, until I watched this clip of one of my favorite indy up and comers, Portia Perez, having a conversation with a man made of felt. I don't know why this happened, but it's just surreal enough to be entertaining.



To view videos that have appeared in previous editions of the Custom Made News Report, be sure to check out my new YouTube page.

Indy-Sent Headlines

King of Trios Concludes

Last week, I ran down the results from the first leg of CHIKARA's big three-night King of Trios tournament. The event, which took place at the former ECW Arena, brought together eighty-four wrestlers who formed twenty-eight teams that went at it in a single elimination tournament. King of Trios 2008 continued a long tradition of CHIKARA hosting bloated tournaments in February or March of each year, and, from every live report that I have read, this year's version more than lived up to the promotion's reputation for providing everybody who attends their shows with a good time.
With that said, we're now going to take a look at the results from nights two and three, which had not taken place when I wrote last week's column. Most of you will recall that, at the end of night one, four teams had made it through the first and second rounds of the tournament, allowing them to compete in the quarter-finals that would begin on night three. Night two was all about finding opponents for those four teams, and the following matches went down:

1.) Team Japan (MIYAWAKI, KUDO, & SUSUMU) def. The Southern Saints (Shawn Reed, Marcus O' Neil & Reno Diamond) in a first round tournament match
2.) Da Soul Touchaz (Willie Richardson, Marshe Rockett, Acid Jaz) def. Team Blood, Sweat, & Ears (Kobra Kai, El Sombra, & Super Xtremo) in a first round tournament match
3.) Team FIST (Chuck Taylor, Icarus, & Gran Akuma) def. Sweet 'n' Sour, Inc. (Sara Del Rey, Bobby Dempsey, & Tank Toland) in a first round ROBBERY
4.) The Fabulous Three (Larry Sweeney, Mitch Ryder, & Shayne Hawke) def. Team Strangehold (Tim Donst, Drew Gulak, & Andy Sumner) in a first round tournament match
5.) Team IWS (Player Uno, Stupefied, & El Generico) def. Team F1rst (Arik Cannon & The North Star Express) in a first round tournament match
6.) Team Mexico (Lince Dorado, El Pantera, & Incognito) def. Los Ice Creams (Ice Cream Jr. & El Hijo Del Ice Cream) & Glacier in a first round tournament match
7.) Team Japan def. Team AZW (Ak'ua & The Immortals) in a second round tournament match
8.) Team FIST def. Da Soul Touchaz in a second round tournament match
9.) The Fabulous Three def. Team WWF (The One Man Gang & Demolition) in a second round tournament match
10.) Team Mexico def. Team IWS in a second round tournament match

First of all, I'm familiar with the vast majority of the wrestlers on this card, and let me just say that from reading the names alone this sounded like it was going to be awesome. Live reports definitely confirmed my suspicions. For those of you wondering, the One Man Gang, the Ax, the Smash, and the Glacier listed in the results are in fact the men best known in those roles, and they all made big impressions on the crowd. Glacier served as a mystery partner for Los Ice Creams and was unveiled in a manner that has become a bit of a running gag at CHIKARA tournaments. Whenever a last second replacement is needed, random names are drawn and called out, with the first few wrestlers drawn never actually appearing. On this particular card, everybody thought that Glacier was one of the "joke" names being read prior to the real partner being announced. He wound up actually being in attendance, though, and the place reportedly went nuts for him. (Which I believe may have been the first time the man has ever gotten any sort of appreciable reaction.) On the other hand, Demolition and OMG had been announced well in advance of the tournament, which apparently resulted in one particularly enthusiastic fan making his own Akeem, the African Dream costume and wearing it to the show. If that doesn't sound awesome in and of itself, OMG borrowed the fan's hat at one point, using it to briefly revert to the Akeem gimmick so that he could have a dance off against opponent Larry Sweeney. The music chosen for this particular encounter? JIVE SOUL BRO~! That alone makes the DVD of night two well worth its purchase price.

The old timers weren't the only outside talent who made a big impression, though. As is often the case, CHIKARA scoured the globe for undiscovered foreign and US indy talent and brought them all over for the huge tourney. The vast majority of these men were well accepted by the Philadelphia crowd. Japanese wrestlers KUDO and MIYAWAKI had been through CHIKARA before, though this was the first time for SUSUMU, and he apparently fit in well alongside his countrymen. If any group of outsiders got rave reviews, though, it was Da Soul Touchaz. These three young men from the Chicago area were virtual unknowns before coming to King of Trios, and, if the DVD viewing audience likes them half as much as the live fans did, they may be well on their way to having a national following. This can only help the Touchaz in the long run, as, over the last several months, CHIKARA has developed a reputation as being a bit of a stepping stone up in to Ring of Honor, while ROH has always provided indy wrestlers with a great opportunity to be seen by the "big two" of the United States and the "big three" of Japan. Unfortunately, though the Touchaz were almost universally loved, the team of Ak'ua and the Immortals were almost universally panned. The three men were flown in from a Hawaiian independent promotion, and I have yet to read one good thing about their performances. Aside from Kaiju Big Battel's notorious first appearance in CHIKARA, I don't know that I've ever heard the promotion's fans crapping on something as hard as I heard them crapping on the Immortals last week.

At the end of night two, we definitely had ourselves a solid lineup of talent four the quarter-finals. Team Japan (also affectionately known as Team CAPS LOCK), Team Mexico, the Fabulous Three, and the Team FIST all made it in to the quarter-finals. Night three saw them do battle with the four teams who advanced from night one, namely Incoherence & Helios, Mike Quackenbush/Skayde/Shane Storm, BLK-Out, and the Colony. In addition to the tournament quarter-finals, semi-finals, and finals, the night also saw a large amount of non-tourney action. What happened on the third and final evening of KOT? I'm glad you asked, my friends:

1.) The Colony def. Team FIST in a quarter-final tournament match
2.) Team Mexico def. Quackenbush, Storm, & Skayde in a quarter-final tournament match
3.) BLK-Out def. Team Japan in a quarter-final tournament match
4.) Delirious, Hallowicked, & Helios def. The Fabulous Three in a quarter-final tournament match
5.) DEMOLITION (Ax & Smash) won a ten team tag gauntlet, defeating the Order of the Neo-Solar Temple in the final match
6.) BLK-Out def. Delirious, Hallowicked, & Helios by disqualification in a semi-final tournament match
7.) Team Mexico def. The Colony in a semi-final tournament match
8.) Vin Gerard def. Martin Stone, Reno Diamond, & Glacier in a four-way, last eliminating Glacier.
9.) mc KZ def. Michael Nazakawa
10.) Chiva II, Create-a-Wrestler, Tim Donst, & Arik Cannon def. The Osirian Portal & Los Ice Creams
11.) Team Mexico def. BLK Out to WIN the 2008 King of Trios when Lince Dorado made Eddie Kingston tap out to the CHIKARA Special

Let's take a look at some of the non-tournament action first. Obviously the big story in that regard is Ax and Smash making a surprise return after night two to defeat nine other teams in a tag gauntlet. Of course, given their advanced age, they were booked to come in last and defeat the duo of Hydra and Crossbones after the Order had already gone through the Sweet 'n' Sour, Inc. duo of Sara Del Rey and Bobby Dempsey. For those of you not familiar with CHIKARA, the company's primary championship is its set of tag belts, and there is a rule which requires a unit to score three consecutive wins before getting a crack at the champs. Fans have already been joking about Ax and Smash needing just two more victories before they can challenge reigning Campeones de Parejas Delirious and Hallowicked. All I can say is that, if booking Demolition for the three additional shows necessary to build up and deliver that match is in any way possible, IT MUST HAPPEN. I need Delirious and Barry Darsow chain wrestling against each other, dammit. The other fun story to come out of the non-tournament bouts was the finish to the eight man tag, as apparently it ended when all of the wrestlers ran in to the ring and formed a chain of sleeper holds. Donst was the only man in the chain to not be in a sleeper, meaning that he won the match for his side when the seven other wrestlers all simultaneously passed out. Fun spots like that are just one of the many things that make me continue my perpetual love affair with CHIKARA, ladies and gentlemen.

Of course, the tournament itself was nothing to sneeze at either. Though they apparently did well on night one, BLK-Out (consisting of Eddie Kingston, Joker, and Ruckus) really got rave reviews for the job that they did as rudos on night three. Highlights included a spot which saw Joker fishook an opponent after sticking his hand down his pants. The semi-finals may have been better yet, as the trio slid by Incoherence and Helios thanks to the old lucha libre finish in which the bad guys con the referee in to thinking that one of the technicos low blowed them behind the official's back. This meant that the crowd was quite hot for the finals, as they not only wanted to see BLK-Out beaten but also wanted to see young Lince Dorado get a major win after he ended the 2007 CHIKARA "season" by suffering one of the scariest injuries in professional wrestling history. Unlike many promotions out there these days, CHIKARA managed to give their audience exactly what they wanted, as Lince made Kingston tap out at the end of what was a very well received match and a very well received tournament.

These shows will shortly be available on DVD-R from Smart Mark Video. Even if you've never seen CHIKARA before, I strongly suggest picking up at least one of the nights, as I've honestly never heard of a situation in which somebody gave this promotion a shot and absolutely hated it.

Feeding Back & Wrapping Up

It's been a while since I responded to any reader feedback in this little column. Let's start doing that again!

kapengmabula of JoshiFans.com had this to say in response to the Sara Del Rey vs. Amazing Kong title match that will be featured on SHIMMER Volume 15:

Kong is currently the champ for NWA, AWA and TNA. If she also won the SHIMMER
title, in order to complete the monopoly she should beat Beth Phoenix.

First of all, though most people probably wouldn't know this just from watching Phoenix's WWE body of work, Beth against Kong would RULE. Oddly enough, I cannot think of another "WWE vs. TNA" match that I would rather see.

I also have to make one small correction. Kong is no longer the AWA Women's Champion. She actually lost the title in May of last year to Nanae Takahashi in Los Angeles. The AWA has since retired the title. This happened shortly after the death of Sherri Martel, with AWA officials claiming that the move was made out of respect for the former champion. The belt did live on without the AWA's approval, though, as several Japanese promotions continued to bill Takahashi as the champion for months after the American company pulled the plug.

The Mad Redneck poses a question:

What the fuck is that photo of? The one of the British brother/sister thing? It looks like Nosferatu and Bernedette Peters on a 3 week crack binge.

Mr. Redneck is referring to this picture, which appeared in last week's column:



Those are two characters from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, which is one of my favorite movies of all time. However, it might be bumped from my top ten if somebody actually does produce a film about Nosferatu going on a crack binge. For more information on Rocky Horror, check out the very comprehensive RHPS.org.

And, finally, Kristi has some comments about TNA going live, which is only fitting since she's the one who inspired me to write about it last week:

Thanks for answering my question in your column. I understand your point of view, but I still think that "live" can be something special. I live in a country were Raw doesn't air live, instead it's tapped and I don't have that feeling that ANYTHING can happen. I would like to feel that I could actually be surprised by something, but I know that I'm not going to because it's all "neatly packed and served" to me. Nothing outrageous will ever happen because they will edit it before it shows up on my TV screen. So, to make a long story (kinda) short, I think when you can't appreciate that SPECIAL feeling, about a wrestling program airing live, you understand how important it can be to make you care that much more about the product.

Side note: Besides if Raw aired live in my country I wouldn't have to suffer through 3 or 4 video packages of "Please don't try this at home!", all being presented by Ashely, that shouldn't herself be presenting this but instead should REALLY be listening to her own words and "please dear don't try this or any other thing in the ring either", you'll be doing us all a huge favor.

I think I had an opportunity to present my entire case last week, so I'll let that one stand on its own for the most part. However, if you're one of the several people out there who wrote in to tell me that you do enjoy your wrestling more when it's live, that's great for you. I personally don't get anything extra out of it, though, and the numbers tend to show that the majority of fans feel the same way.

That'll do it for the thoughts of my lovely readers. We're seconds away from closing this one down, but, before we go, let's take a look at a few other articles you should be reading here on the 411:

~ It wouldn't be Sunday if I weren't plugging The Impact Crater. This week's edition features "austin" striking back at me. Who is austin, you ask? I'm not entirely certain, but he appears to have suffered massive head trauma at some point.

~ Speaking of people who may have suffered massive head trauma, I wrote about Flavor Flav this week. More specifically, I reviewed the DVD of his Comedy Central Roast.

~ TG Corke is apparently my little buddy. He may also be in a gang with me. I never knew any of this before, but I read it on the internet recently.

~ I haven't played video games regularly for something like ten years now. However, I LOVED them when I was a kid, which is why Matthew Sforcina's look at the evolution of the WWF game fascinated me. I hope that he eventually gets around to discussing the company's ill-fated attempt at releasing a side-scrolling fighter on the Game Boy.

And that'll do it. Be sure to join me next week, as well as on this coming Thursday for yet another Crater. Until they, be sure to check out the MySpace, where you can add me as a friend to receive a bulletin notification every time I post a new column.