Your News, Cook's Views 03.11.08

Posted by Steve Cook on 03.11.2008

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

Hi, hello and welcome! I'm not Larry Csonka, but I am his right-hand man, the Cheech to his Chong, the Abbott to his Costello, the Heenan to his Monsoon, none other than the second longest-running Ask 411 Wrestling writer, the King of Tomfoolery, the leader of the Cook Regime, a licensed Kentucky Colonel, Traci Brooks' favorite writer, Vince McMahon's worst nightmare, Bayani Domingo's arch-nemesis, A Man of 1,038 Holds, the 2004 411 Forum Poster of the Year, Two-Time Two-Time Two-Time ECF Transcontinental Champion, Scott High School's Most Outstanding Social Studies Student of 2002, 1st Place Winner in the Socko/Penguin Dinking Beer Out Of Ice Trays Contest, an Unofficial Member of MENSA, the Baby-Faced Assassin, the Phenom, the Future of 411mania.com and just an all-around good guy…Steve "I'm Just Like Rubik's Cube, The More You Play With It The Harder It Gets" Cook.

Wow, I think I figured out why Larry stopped doing those elaborate introductions.

The weekend was pretty disappointing due to the blizzard…I was hoping to go to the bar on Friday night and watch some NWF wrestling on Saturday night, but the snow hit my house and hit it hard. So instead I stayed indoors and watched some HBK and wrote about the pro wrestling. It wasn't a bad weekend. Could have been better, but it could have been a lot worse.

Random nonsense~!

- I'm as big an Al Gore fan as you'll find on this website, but I gotta say it…bring on the global warming!

- My Louisville Cardinals are going to need to learn how to shoot their free throws if they plan on going anywhere in the NCAA Tournament. Had they done anything of the sort on Saturday, they would have won the Big East championship instead of the hated Georgetown Hoyas. What in the blue hell is a Hoya anyway? Luckily we still have the Big East Tournament in front of us and a lot of momentum despite the 3-point loss to G-Town. I have faith in my Cards, and you should too!

- James Thomlison has not paid me off, so I will still refer to him as "JT~!" YAY JT~!

- Is it possible to fall in love with a woman having never seen their face? Sometimes the eyes are enough for me, so maybe it is. I bring this up because Manu Bumb & JD Dunn have recently professed their love for Sexy Star, a luchadora that wears a mask. While Manu may be the top e-mailer in 411Mania history, I'm not sure how he'll fare against the best ranter in 411Mania history. Yeah, I said it.

- The wrestling business is uglier than most things. It is normally perceived as some kind of cruel and shallow money trench through the heart of the entertainment industry, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs, for no good reason.

- Penguin told me that "Biscuits & Gravy" is awesome theme music. After hearing it once I'm not really feeling it. MVP, on the other hand, has awesome theme music.

- What is it with this here Internet and their lack of Sara Del Rey pictures? The best I could find was a picture of her with Bryan Danielson & a birthday cake from 2002, but I can't use it out of respect to Mr. Danielson. There's a reason the man shaves his head. And I'm not posting my picture with her, so I'm pretty much SOL …and you know what that means! Haaaaaaa haaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

- There's a reference that'll zoom over most of your heads.

- I don't think I've linked my MySpace page lately. I've been doing a lot of revamping to it lately to reflect the slightly sunnier disposition I have these days…when I'm not at my crappy job. If it wasn't for those forty hours every week and the lack of income they bring me considering the effort I put into them, I'd be pretty darn happy with the way things are.

- I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

- I wish I was born ten years earlier so I could have seen the glory days of Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard live and in living color. I get the feeling that videotape & DVD does not do their brilliance justice.

- Click here to get some 411 merchandise. There isn't any Cook themed merchandise yet, send Larry your e-mails demanding some!

- I hear that Mike Adamle makes 300,000 a year for his role with WWE. Given this information, I have decided to hold out from further 411 activities until I am given 300,000 a year. Honestly, I'm worth eighteen billion times as much to 411 as Adamle is to WWE, so 300,000 is a bargain basement price.

- Don't forget to check out tigerflashgames.com, 411's sister site! What else are you going to do, work? Ha!

Today in Wrestling History

1941 - Bronko Nagurski defeated Ray Steele for the NWA Heavyweight Wrestling title
1986 - Kendall Windham defeated the Cuban Assassin for the Florida State Heavyweight title
1991 - Jerry Lawler defeated Terry Funk for the USWA Unified Heavyweight title
1993 - Sting defeated Big Van Vader for the WCW Heavyweight title
1999 - Sgt. Slaughter defeated Skull Von Krush for the vacant USA Pro-Wrestling Heavyweight Title
2000 - Wife Beater defeated Lobo for the Combat Zone World Ironman Title
2000 - New Dynamite Kid & Mr. Puerto Rico defeated Natural Born Killers for the USA Pro-Wrestling Tag Team Titles

Bronko's greater claim to fame was the nine seasons he spent playing for the NFL's Chicago Bears. Luckily for him he didn't have Rex Grossman handing him the ball. I wonder if Tim Billington approved of this "New Dynamite Kid" fellow. I'm guessing not.

1934 - Died - Tex Wright of chronic myocarditis at 28
1963 - Born - Kevin Acres
1974 - Born - Russ Haas
1983 - Died - Mayes McLain at 77
1993 - Died - Dino Bravo murdered in a drive-by shooting at 44

The Bravo shooting was one of the strangest wrestling death stories I've ever heard. He was shot multiple times in his living room and it's believed that his death had to do with his involvement in a cigarette smuggling ring. I'm still not sure why somebody would smuggle cigarettes, and it makes even less sense because my ex-girlfriend from the Great White North partook quite often in the funny cigarettes and hasn't gotten shot yet (to the best of my knowledge). Maybe it was a good thing we split up…

OK, there's no "maybe" about it.

Cook's Definitive List Of The Top 10 Talkers In Pro Wrestling History (in no particular order because he's wishy-washy like that)

Arn Anderson
Jim Cornette
Ric Flair
Mick Foley
Bobby Heenan
Jerry Lawler
Roddy Piper
Dusty Rhodes
Jake Roberts
The Rock

The inclusion of Jake drew some criticism from my Ask 411 readers, but I stand by my decision no matter what they may say. Most of the people on this list had to yell and scream and holler to make their points clear…Jake never had to do that. Arn was a talker in a similar vein to Jake and was always great at making a point. Cornette & Heenan didn't make it on my top 5 because I value wrestlers over managers (as do promoters), but they definitely are among the top talkers ever. Rock didn't make the top 5 due to his not being around as much as the other guys and the fact that he wasn't exactly the best at doing serious interviews. Anybody questioning Foley's inclusion never saw his ECW Anti-Hardcore promos, which may rank as the greatest series of promos of all time.



Ask 411 Wrestling reader Kaiza has been begging me for what seems like ages to put a Stephanie McMahon picture in my column. I don't get the appeal myself, but whatevs.

WWE News

Your News: WrestleMania ticket sales hit 62,000 sold this week. (Wrestling Observer)

Cook's Views: If you're scoring at home (or even if you're alone), the attendance record for the Florida Citrus Bowl is 73,358. WM XXIV already holds the record for the highest-grossing event in Citrus Bowl history, and it seems well on pace to live up to the Central Florida Sports Commission's estimate that "WrestleMania XXIV will pump $25 million into the local economy while creating numerous jobs, and bring around 60,000 visitors to the city for the event". You can see why cities are falling over themselves to host one of these extravaganzas.

Your News: Michael Cole has been replaced as head of WWE.com. Vince McMahon made the decision as he felt that Cole's performance was disappointing due to the style of stories being ran and the decline in unique viewers. (Wrestling Observer)

Cook's Views: I have to agree with Vince on this one. During Cole's reign as Managing Editor, the website became pretty dull and I stopped visiting it unless I needed to look up something for Ask 411 Wrestling. Cole seemed to have high hopes and big plans for the .com when he took over, but I didn't really see too much of a difference. The importance of a company's Internet presence can not be underestimated in this day and age, and if things aren't getting done to the liking of the big cheese, somebody's gotta pay.

Your News: Vince McMahon himself gave the go ahead for the Industry News section of WWE.com. Vince wants WWE.com to be the starting point for all wrestling fans seeking news. The goal is to make the site resemble a cross between the Drudge Report and Daily Variety. The web site's budget has been increased and this also led to the new partnerships with Facebook, Myspace and Youtube. This has surprised many since the section includes ticket sale information for TNA and ROH. (Wrestling Observer)

Cook's Views: I enjoy the Industry News section and its pimping of TNA, ROH & especially CHIKARA. Much speculation has been afoot about WWE's motives behind reporting on news within the wrestling industry…but if nothing else I think this shows that they don't see TNA or any other wrestling promotion in North America as competition. They know they're number one and anything that helps professional wrestling at any level will help their cause. Why should they fear TNA?

I also find it entertaining that they reported a story on how advertisers avoid pro wrestling. It's funny because it's true.

Your News: It is planned for Kim Kardashian's role at WrestleMania will be "guest hostess." [Credit: Wrestlingobserver.com]

Cook's Views: Now, some of you may be wondering what Kim Kardashian has done to earn such a lofty position…she stars on some E! reality show and her mother is currently married to Bruce Jenner. What, that's not good enough? She's currently dating New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush. Ummmmm…ok, I'll just run a picture and let you see why WWE chose her for this pivotal role.



There you have it. You could bounce quarters off that thing.

Your News: There is a story floating around that rapper Fat Joe may appear at WrestleMania to confront 50 Cent. 50 Cent will accompany Floyd Mayweather to the ring at the event. The story states that "Word going around town is that Fat Joe and a group of his pals are going to buy front row tickets to wrestling's top show and chastise 50 as he stands ringside during Floyd Mayweather Jr's match with The Big Show." Even if there is no truth to this, WWE has got to love the free publicity. (PWInsider.com)

Cook's Views: Fat Joe's still alive? Who knew? I wish him good luck in getting front row seats though, because they've been sold out since WrestleMania XX. And somehow I don't think that the guy in the pink shirt that's in the front row of every single WWE PPV ever is going to part with his tickets for anything less than somebody's first-born child.

Your News: According to MultiChannel, WWE is making an aggressive effort to have this year's WrestleMania top last year's event as far as PPV sales go. Some of these efforts are:

* Arial Advertising – A plot of land with the WWE logo at the Orlando Airport.
* A giveaway where the winner will win a customized WM 24 Motorcycle, which will be built by Orange Country Choppers.
* A 30% increase in mailings sent to cable subscribers, making the total near 2-million.
* The Bright House Network will be running three-minute commercials in over 70,000 hotel rooms.
* DirecTV's new blimp will hover over three NASCAR races this month, showing 2-minute clips, six times per hour.

- Those are just some of the 40-50 promotional tactics WWE has planned. (PWInsider.com)

Cook's Views: I'm all for advertising, but come on man, some of these ideas are just plain stupid. Nobody in hotels spends more than 30 seconds watching the Bright House Network, unless they accidentally leave it on while attending to business with their hook-errrrrrrrrr, I mean escort. I've been to a NASCAR race before, and nobody at one of those races spends a whole lot of time looking at a blimp...unless the blimp in question happens to be their girlfriend. Now, if they put their logo on Dale Earnhardt Jr's car or on the shirt of a drunk hot chick in the infield, then they'll be getting some bang for their buck…at least until the chick takes her shirt off and Dale Jr. ends up in the wall.

The motorcycle idea doesn't sound too bad though, until Chuck Palumbo shows up to award the winner their prize and they have no idea who Chuck Palumbo is. Then Chuck gets mad and starts pushing Michelle McCool around and it's just an ugly situation. Too bad Undertaker stopped riding his bike in the arena.

Your News: Shawn Michaels is said to be pleased with his current role in WWE. He isn't as obsessed with wrestling as he was when he was younger, so things that would have annoyed him before no longer do. His body also seems to be holding up. [pwtorch.com]

Cook's Views: I watched the HBK DVD last week, and from what I saw of him in the main feature, this news bite is pretty easy to believe. Michaels has been more centered since becoming born-again, and as long as he's able to do the things in life that make him happy, I don't think he's going to get too bent out of shape. Now, his fans may be another story…my best friend is an HBK mark and he often complains about how long it's been since Michaels has been WWE or World Champion. I tell him it doesn't matter because Michaels doesn't need the belt. His fans are going to love him win or lose, and Canada's going to hate him no matter what. Silly Canadians, when will they ever learn?

Your "News": One of WWE's latest commercials has some similarities to a past locker room argument that took place between C.M. Punk and Carlito. The commercial shows Carlito hitting on Maria behind Santino Marella's back. When Punk was dating Maria a while back, Carlito made a point of flirting with her. She insinuated that he wouldn't flirt with her in front of Punk, so he made a point of doing just that. Punk was offended and the two wrestlers had a minor locker room altercation. (Prowrestling.net)

Cook's Views: Ah, backstage gossip is especially sweet when it involves matters of the heart. Points to Carlito for not backing down (and probably doing it just to piss Punk off), minus points to Punk for resorting to violence. A dude will not pick a fight with another dude flirting with his girlfriend unless he is insecure about the relationship. Anybody who argues with this is either wrong or insecure or both.

Hopefully Punk put up a better fight than the bird in the commercial did.

SPOILERS BELOW

If you don't like spoilers, just keep on scrolling until you get to the picture…
















































Your News: The Undertaker is expected to win the World Title at WrestleMania. (Wrestling Observer)

Cook's News: In other news, the world is not flat, the South lost the Civil War & I have no chance of going out with Sara Del Rey. Honestly, can this go any other way? I know everybody loves Edge and maybe he's the kind of guy worthy of ending Da Streak, but…really?

Your News: The plan for the Umaga vs. Batista WrestleMania match is for it to end in controversy, which will setup Umaga moving to Smackdown. This will set up a feud with the Undertaker for the title , possibly around Summerslam. (Wrestling Observer)

Cook's Views: I think this could work, but they're really going to need to build Umaga up as an indestructible monster for it to do so. Of course, having his match with Batista end in "controversy" isn't the best of starts. Am I the only one wondering what ECW General Manager Armando Alejandro Estrada thinks about this? Yes? OK then.





























































































God bless America…land that I love…

TNA News

Your News: TNA will be live on the 27th of March, but as of now it is just a one-time event. The company is expecting a hot crowd, as well as having to turn away people since it is WrestleMania weekend. This show is seen as more important than a PPV because SPIKE will be looking at the show very closely. (Wrestling Observer)

Cook's Views: A one-time only deal is the way to go here. There's nothing wrong with TNA wanting to test the waters and seeing how a live show works out. There will be a lot of wrestling fans in town, and some of them have probably heard of TNA at some point. They just need to advertise the beejeezus out of this thing and make sure that every wrestling fan within 100 miles of Orlando knows about it. And you better believe that Spike TV will be watching closely to see if these guys are for real or not. 1.1-1.2 isn't going to cut it forever.

Your News: Sting is expected back with the promotion "in a few months." He has a commitment to the company, but is taking time off to be with his family. (PWInsider.com)

Cook's Views: I'm going to go ahead and call it right now…Sting comes back at Slammiversary and challenges the winner of the King of the Mountain match, which will either be Samoa Joe or Kurt Angle. Probably Joe because we've already seen the Sting vs. Angle feud. Sting vs. Joe goes on and off until Bound For Glory, which will be the big blow-off match. Joe wins, Sting gets a hero's farewell and rides off into the sunset.

Is there any other ending that makes sense?

OK, so TNA often does things that make no sense. It's my fantasy booking scenario, dangnab it!

Your News: Judas Mesias has finished up with the company. He had wanted a contract equal to what he is making in Mexico, and TNA declined. The door is not shut on him coming back sometime in the future. (Wrestling Observer)

Cook's Views: I think somebody needs to tell Mesias that one million dollars does not equal one million pesos.

Your News: Mistico has sent feelers to TNA to see if there is any interest. If he gets to work with the company, it would be on a special attraction type of deal due to his commitments with CMLL. TNA has wanted to have a Hispanic baby face for years, and tried with Hector Garza and Shocker. Garza had got caught crossing the border with steroids and was denied further access into the US. Shocker didn't work out and returned to work in Mexico. (Wrestling Observer)

Cook's Views: If TNA doesn't bring in Mistico at least as a special attraction, they are complete and utter buffoons and I will give up any hope of them becoming any type of actual competition for WWE. The man is a freaking god down in Mexico. Kids love him, men want to hang out with him, and women want to be with him. Mexican soccer stars don Mistico masks after scoring goals. Ask any Mexican promoter…you put Mistico on the marquee and the show will sell out. TNA has already courted the Latino audience with the aforementioned Garza & Shocker, they had Konnan around for ages, who's probably among the top 5 Lucha Libre stars of all time, and have also pushed the Latin American Xchange in an attempt to appeal to the growing Latin-American wrestling fanbase. Vince Russo's disdain for non-American wrestlers may be well known, but even he has to realize that there might be something here. I'm not guaranteeing that Mistico will be the answer to what troubles TNA, but they at least have to bring the guy in and see what he can do. Appealing to the fastest-growing minority in America is simply common sense.

Your News: Jonny Fairplay has not signed with TNA and it looks as if he won't. There are a lot of forces behind the scenes fighting against it. A major knock against him is that he basically quit on this season's Survivor, which gave his critics more ammunition to fight with. (Wrestling Observer)

BUT…

Your News: Johnny Fairplay appeared at Destination X with the firefighter dude from Survivor. (411 PPV recap)

Cook's Views: Damn it Meltzer, how dare you get my hopes up! I don't see what bringing Fairplay in is supposed to accomplish…he hasn't gotten over the first few times TNA has brought him in, and this isn't going to be any different. I'll say this though, I don't blame him for giving up on the Survivor season. After all, he's going home to this…



Yeah, I'd be in a rush to get out of Micronesia too if she was carrying my baby. Johnny, I don't want to see you on my TV, but I get where you're coming from, man. You keep on keeping on.

And why DO women have such bad taste in men anyway? 23 years on this planet and I've never been able to figure that out.

Independent/Various News

Your News: ROH Rising Above is currently available on pay-per-view.



Cook's Views: Is that the ugliest PPV poster of all time or what? God almighty, I could design something that looks better than that, and I have the least artistic ability out of anybody that I know. I can't even draw a stick figure properly, but it'd look better than that atrocity. At any rate, I hear the show is pretty good but according to John Meehan it can score no higher than a 7 out of 10 because not enough people watch it.

Your News: ROH booker Gabe Sapolsky had the following comments on the ROH message board…

"Well, I was a little hasty in pulling "The Larry Sweeney Show Starring Larry Sweeney" from the 6th Anniversary Show DVD (mostly due to my lovely & beautiful wife yelling at me over it). After putting together the DVD last night, I felt that this segment needed to go on so you could judge it for yourself.

I stand by my apology and once again apologize if you were offended. Our goal in ROH is not to be controversial or offensive like some promotions. Our goal is to give you an enjoyable wrestling product. I still maintain that you will not see anything like this from ROH again."

Cook's Views: I don't mind them putting this footage out on DVD. What grinds my gears is Gabers flip-flopping like John Kerry talking about how he was for the 87 billion dollars for the Iraq war before he was against it. It's not like ROH hasn't run misogynistic angles before…anybody else remember the Prince Nana/Jade Chung dog leash incident? Now that was offensive. I haven't seen this segment yet, but the only thing that really sounds offensive to me about it is the NYC fans cheering Larry Sweeney on as he knocks out a woman, knocks out a fat kid and throws the fat kid on top of the woman. If Sweeney tried to pull that nonsense in the South he would have been booed out of the building because we're good people.

Your News: Lex Luger is out of the hospital and living in an apartment. He is slowly getting the feeling back in his body. (Wrestling Observer)

Cook's Views: There's nothing you can really say except "Get well, Lex." In case you don't remember, Luger suffered what's being called a "spinal stroke" on October 19, 2007 at the fiasco that was the San Francisco wrestling convention at the Cow Palace. It left him in a quadriplegic state and he had no feeling in his arms and legs. Nikita Koloff recently appeared on an online radio show and said that Luger is showing signs of improvement and remains positive about his situation.

Your News: Bobby Lashley's non-compete clause ends on May 10th. He spent last week in San Jose training with the American Kick Boxing Academy for MMA. He hasn't made a decision as to what he will do next, it will al depend on how he feels after he does some training over these next few weeks. The feeling is that he will either fully commit to MMA or sign a TNA deal shortly after May 10th. (Wrestling Observer)

Cook's Views: I'm not sure how well Lashley would do in mixed martial-arts. I'm guessing he would be better than Giant Silva, but worse than Brock Lesnar. If I were him I'd go with whoever offered me more money.

Your News: Daniel Rodimer, who was a former WWE Tough Enough contestant and spent time in WWE Developmental is in the finals for a slot on the next season of American Gladiators. (Wrestling Observer)

Cook's Views: Meanwhile, Matt Morgan has been named to the American Gladiators team. Rodimer & Chris Masters seem to have missed the cut. I'm down with AG as long as my girl Crush is on there crushing some fools.

Your News: Amy Dumas released the following statement, regarding reports of her being hospitalized:
"Whoa!, What a way to wake up! I got tons of calls and texts this morning hoping I got out of the hospital soon. What? I'm not in the hospital! I lost my voice. That's it. Our booking agent called the club to cancel the Imperial, PA show because I couldn't talk over a whisper, but that's it. No fever. No laryngitis. I don't know where anything else came from. We have a day off today so I am going to continue to rest up and get ready to rock out in West Virginia tomorrow. I am on everything holistic and over the counter you can think of, so I am hoping to be at least 80% by tomorrow. I appreciate everyone writing in to check up on me, and as far as all the phone calls- I will return those when I get my voice back. It's pretty annoying not being able to talk, by the way. I am going crazy!!! All that aside, we are all still having a great time on tour. We all had a blast with the guys from Ashers in New Hampshire and Mass, but I'm going to go ahead and say it was those bastards that got me sick!!! ha, ha- See you guys somewhere out on the road real soon!! - xxoo, Amy" (411mania.com)
Lita and the Luchagores have a full schedule coming up, with the following performance dates booked:
* Tuesday: Huntington, WV at The Monkey Bar
* Wednesday: Nashville at Fuel
* Thursday: Knoxville at The Longbranch
* Friday: Richmond at Alley Katz
* Saturday: Louisville at Uncle Pleasants [Wrestlingobserver.com]

Cook's Views: Nice to hear that Lita's problems aren't as serious as originally reported. I lived in Louisville for four years, yet I've never heard of Uncle Pleasant's. If any of my U of L homies want to hook me up with a ticket, I could make it down there…as long as there isn't another blizzard and Louisville isn't playing in the Big East championship game. If they are, forget about it.

Your News: David Sammartino, son of the legendary Bruno Sammartino is looking to get back into wrestling, starting this summer. Sammartino says he has stayed in shape and will be available for wrestling, autograph shows or anything else. He can be contacted at [e-mail]. [Wrestlingobserver.com]

Cook's Views: I guess now we'll get to find out if that ESPN Classic exposure can translate into bookings.

Your News: Ohio Valley Wrestling is now offering their TV shows via podcast for $2. (Wrestlingobserver.com)

Cook's Views: Half of your two dollars will go towards the "Kenny Bolin Hot Wings & Beer Fund", so I recommend you go check out some OVW shizzle.

Your News: Brooke Hogan's new VH1 reality show will be called "Brooke Hogan Knows Best." VH1 has agreed to air ten episodes of the show. Here is the synopsis: "Brooke Hogan as she leaves the family nest of her famous wrestler father and strikes out on her own."

Cook's Views: I asked Larry Csonka if he would be recapping this show and he responded with the following…

"no"

I bet if it was "Nasty Nick Knows Best" he'd be all over it.

Your News: Trish Stratus has signed a deal to host a new travel show called "Stratusphere." The show will be about Trish visiting other countries and cultures and learning about them. Filming for the show has already started in Europe. No word on whether the show will air in the U.S., Canada, or both.

-UPDATE: - TVJab.com states that the new Trish Stratus travel show we mentioned earlier, Stratusphere, will begin airing on the Travel Channel in August. The show will feature Trish going to different countries and learning about their culture. (411mania.com)

Cook's Views: Anything that gets Trish back on my television is a good thing. Trish, anytime you want to visit Kentucky and learn about our culture…you know who to call. *wink*

No, not Hyatte!

~The HOTTNESS of Rebecca Knox~

What would a Tuesday news column be without a K-Nox update? Wikipedia tells me that Rebecca was trained in the art of pro wrestling by Fergal Devitt & Gonzo De Mondo. Those can't possibly be actual people…can they?

Plugs

Larry takes on Saturday Night's Main Event, brother.

Domingo watches Bravo. Really, if you're watching anything other than that celebrity poker show, you're probably playing for the other team, if you know what I'm saying.

Ari fears Chris Hero. Honestly, anybody who thought that Hero was actually the author of Hero's Sandwich needs to get their head checked. Like the real Chris Hero would actually take shots at me…come on now!

The Triple Threat preview Destination X and talk about the good old days…when more than one of them was still alive.

Minotti wouldn't kick Michelle McCool out of bed.

Short talks about the Fat Kid winning the GHC title.

Sforcina plays the games.

Clark talks about wrestling when not thinking about One Tree Hill. Never watched it.

Landsell talks about people that talk.

JT~! talks about last year's WrestleMania experience. He's going again this year, which just proves that whatever he gets paid for his real job it's way too much.

Penguin Pontificates

I traditionally like to end my news columns with a Final Thought...but honestly I'm all thought out this week. So I'm going to treat you all to the main page return of my bestest Internet friend, Voodoo Penguin!

So this may be a controversial view.

I honestly wouldn't be taking the time to write it if it wasn't.

But…Gene Snitsky should be Intercontinental Champion.

Now, tonight we saw a new IC Champion in Chris Jericho. And he very well may be the solution to a couple of problems with the title. But I think Gene Snitsky would be a better fit at the present time.

There are certain problems with the Intercontinental title that are often talked about on the online wrestling community.

It's not defended often enough. It's caught up in someone's run for a better title. It's not on TV enough as a title. It's being wasted.

But Gene Snitsky is the answer to all that.

Snitsky wouldn't be afraid to defend the title. See there's all sorts of jobber-ific people for Snitsky to take on, on heat and the house-show circuit. Let him wrack up some wins, defending the title all the time.

I'm basically advocating a Midcard Goldberg role for Snitsky. It keeps him away from the world title and builds up the title itself as he constantly defends is. It solves all the problems letting him go through all the smaller guy up into the midcard. Just have him all over the place, defending that damn title and squashing local guys. Not just jobbers, but Super Crazy, Hacksaw, Cody Rhodes, there is an endless supply of people who can be fed to him in the end. Val Venis vs Snitsky as an epic IC title match on heat!

Then he wins . A bunch of defenses. Maybe even a year. Like it matters now! It would only improve things. Have him on heat at first. Then move on to RAW. Lower midcard faces on RAW are a dime a dozen. Once a week Snitsky kills someone in an IC title match.

Then, some up and coming face beats him. For all you ROH heads lets say its London or Kendrick. After a year long reign, it would be a hell of a thing huh? Finally someone got Snitsky. A great usage for the title.

Build Snitsky up. Let him pass Honky in time for all I care. Then you make a face off him, and really, it's not that bad of a thing.

He's wrestling better than ever before. Might as well use it right?

When Penguin suggested Snitsky as a potential IC champion on MSN I thought he was insane. Don't get me wrong, I still think he's insane...but it could raise the profile of the Intercontinental title belt. Just about anything would at this point, to be honest. Maybe the bourbon is just making it hard for me to argue.

Well folks, that's all for me. Larry will be right back here next week, and you can catch me on Wednesdays with Ask 411 Wrestling. Until next time, booooooooooohica!