The Way I C It 03.17.08: Olympic Edition, part 1

Posted by Chris Lansdell on 03.17.2008

Is it a surprise that I rant on Jeff Hardy? No? Good. Also inside, a review of Fire Pro Wrestling Returns, a chance to make pro wrestling history, and more talk on people who talk.

Greetings, humanity! Welcome to The Way I C It, the cure for what ails you, when your words fail you, this column regales you with some thoughts you can sail through. I'm Chris Lansdell, failed poet and rapper, and I'm hoping this suspension lights a fire under Jeff Hardy. What? Too soon?

In all honesty, I had some very nice things planned to say this week about Jeff. He was in line for a huge win at WrestleMania, a continued mega-push, and in all likelihood a feel-good moment with him winning Money In The Bank, Matt winning the ECW title shot and beating Chavo, then Jeff cashing in and winning the WWE title, to have Mania end with the Hardy Boys embracing as champions.

Just look at what you ruined, Jeff. You blithering idiot. There are a lot of people who are trying to blame this latest cock-up on WWE, on Jeff's schedule, on him being required to throw himself around every week to keep his job. They conveniently overlook that TNA let him go for drug-related issues, on a much lighter schedule. They overlook that he's had this problem before, but refuses to admit it's a problem. Bottom line is that nobody is forcing Jeff to do drugs. He is an individual and has to be responsible and accountable for his own decisions. Trying to let him hide behind these excuses will only make it that much worse when he eventually gets caught a third time. Instead, we should be hoping he gets help.

Drugs are bad, kids. The quick buzz or whatever can never be worth all you stand to lose. Just look at Jeff's week: 2 months without pay, no Mania pay day, no title run (and likely a long wait to get back in contention), and now the news that he has lost everything he owned. It's a stretch to tie that last into drugs, but if that was all he had happen this week, it would probably be a lot easier to handle. I feel sorry for the guy, but at the end of the day many of his current problems are of his own construction. Get well soon, Jeff brah. You dumbass.

Rant Mode Off. I've got some fun things to discuss this week. Aside from our Angle Review, I have a ton of feedback to reply to, the new Fire Pro game to talk about, and an idea inspired by Lance Storm and the World X Cup. Are we all sitting comfortably? Then let's begin...

The Way I C The E

Michaels-Flair continues to push the respect angle, but the love thing seems out of place. I'm far from homophobic, but it just comes off wrong. I do like the slow, subtle heel turn of HBK though, similar to what they did with HBK-Hogan. The beatings on Smackdown didn't do much to further the angle, I was expecting some accidental contact between the two or at least some spark of discord upon which they could build this week.

It's nothing major, but Monday was the first night I recall hearing Taker announced under 300. Wait, a Taker match with no Cole? How will I know which spots are Vintage Undertaker, or who the best pure striker in the WWE is? I found myself rubbing my eyes and asking why was Henry trying to break a count out that wasn't happening. Not that the result was ever in doubt, but remember when Mark Henry was a force and squashed everyone? Me neither. This was a pretty pointless match and one I wish I didn't have to see. Is Henry FINALLY on his way out?

HHH breaks kayfabe by saying it was supposed to be Cena-HHH II at Mania 23. In other news, Demolition lost the tag team titles. At this point in the careers of all 3 gentlemen, there really isn't any need to have them cut their standard promos. We know what they're going to say, so either let them freestyle or do their talking through bashment. We've seen all the singles iterations of this match numerous times, so forgive me for not caring much about the triple threat.

I thought Finlay and Kennedy were actually the same person...guess not. I enjoyed the snapping and the beatdown, but they have to stay consistent and either have Kennedy take next week off or have him sell the beating, or Finlay looks weak. Seems like WWE are taking a page from TNA's book and building the JBL-Finlay feud without an actual in-ring confrontation. There aren't many people on the current roster who could pull it off, put these two can.

Jeff Hardy's music is growing on me. It's still getting huge pops and suits him well. Hey, what's that black, gold and blue thing he's holding? Inter...what? Some sort of title? JR can shill it all he wants, it's not prestigious any more. If this feud had continued, I would have had much happy. Too many feuds these days are built on convoluted stories. This one arose from a desire to be better than the other guy, which is great. Beats spilling coffee on a guy, eh Jericho? Heck of a match, but I wonder if Jericho is wishing he'd gone to Orlando for something other than WrestleMania...IC champ again. Hopefully to transition. There's a reason he's held the belt more than anyone else: management wants him stuck in the midcard. A Jericho-Hardy post-Mania feud would have been great, especially if Jericho could have guided Jeff through some promos. I guess that's off the cards now. It might actually be good news for Y2J though, since he could be in line for Hardy's push.

Call me old, pathetic, whatever. I marked constantly in the throwback segment. And that was some serious speed on that airplane spin by Rotunda. I was disappointed we didn't get a match, but ah well.

Brisco Brothers to the hall? About freaking time.

We continued to see the break-up of Santino and Maria, but where will it lead? I do not want a Carlito-Santino feud, they have too much potential as a team for now. Someone is going to have to take Maria's side...maybe a smitten Cody Rhodes while Bobcore looks on in bemusement? That's an impressive-looking finisher that Melina has now, by the way. I volunteer to have it done on me repeatedly.

OK, the Mayweather video package was pretty good. I liked the flipping of the logo, and he actually came across naturally. I may also have underestimated Mayweather's height and reach...looks like he can pop Show on the jaw pretty easily. I still don't care about the match though. Having Shane do the weigh-in suggests to me that Steph wanted him to fix his own mess. How would you like to sit in on THAT meeting?Awkward... There was one guy in Floyd's posse that had arms like tree trunks...let HIM face Big Show! To be honest, WWE have done a good job adapting to the crowd and Floyd played the heel pretty well. Scratch that, very well. The mass brawl and human lawn dart was a decent ending to it all. I still don't care, but they've gone a long way to undoing the harm they did last week. The "injury" is almost definitely a work, to give Floyd a reason to fear Show as the ender of his career. I must admit that watching it live, I wondered about an injury AND about the posse going into business for themselves. Some of the wrestlers looked genuinely pissed. Floyd sold that arm pretty well.

Very, very few people could have built up You-manga like Regal, so what do they do? Bring out Batista. The brawl was effective, but I think a good talk-up by Regal followed by a handicap squash would have been better, as it wouldn't have given away any of the stuff these two can show us at Mania. As limited as Batista is, you need to keep as much as possible for the big dance. Having Umaga show up on Smackdown and cost Batista the title was a nice follow-up, and is actually kindling some interest in the match. I do wonder about the purpose of Burchill asking for the chance to represent Raw if they weren't going to do anything with it.

Money in the Bank is now very interesting. 7 people is really no different in terms of match dynamic than 8 would have been, but we don't have anyone this year who cannot reasonably climb the ladder. Everyone has the potential to give us some amazing spots and that is exactly what this match, and even this WrestleMania, need. The Miz-Morrison encounter was good fun for the time it got, and for a heel-heel match. I wouldn't mind a program between them, with the winner being the person who turned face. That face could then go on to a program with Chavo, presuming he survives Mania.

The Noble/Palumbo angle continues. With the Noble injury, I have to wonder if they're not playing him up to win the battle royal and then take the ECW strap from Chavo? You know how much these bookers LOVE an underdog angle.

The building of Colin Delaney has almost succeeded. He had an excellent tag match this week with Tommy,and the road is clear for him to actually get a win. I'd say a singles win against Miz next week, followed by a beatdown with a Dreamer save.

The Way I C The T

In case you missed it I had the Impact review this week. Most of my thoughts are there, but here's a summary:

Having Joel from Survivor getting beaten down by 3D was a fine idea. One thing I have an issue with was putting it at the end of the show. To me this detracted from the Lethal Lockdown build, which should have been the last thing we saw. Now I know we have a few weeks to go, but this just felt wrong. Aside from that, I thought the build to both matches was well done.

If the Karen-Kurt separation is another swerve, I swear to God I am done with TNA unless Curry Man wins the belt. I also don't know why Joe said that the next time we saw him on Impact would be with the title. Is he taking a month off?

While watching Impact, I had a chat with Byers while he wrote his excellent Impact Crater. We drew a number of parallels between Kaz and Shelton Benjamin that I think hold up well: both had strong showings against a dominant champ, both left tag teams with a guy who is now working a mask gimmick, both fluff moves fairly regularly, and both are/were one huge win from mega-overtude. Hopefully TNA does better with Kaz.

Poor Motor City Machine Guns. Beeried by the Monsters, then upstaged by a comedy act in a super hero costume. Damn you Russo.

The Way U C Me

Lots of feedback on commentating teams and last week's stuff in general. Let's start with a comment from my hero and mentor...

Oh Chris, Chris...Chris! Good lord, you're saying Wrestlemania XIV was no good?
Was MEH? That PPV was the defining PPV of the late 90's and the one that set
the course for the Attitude era. How can you not recognize HBK-Austin with Mike
Tyson? Or Taka-Aguilera, a lightheavyweight title match which actually got over
with the crowd? Rock-Shamrock with the dusty finish? C'mon! Also, is that guy in the pic VINCE RUSSO?


Posted By: on March 10, 2008 at 02:46 PM


Yes, it was Meh. Starting the Attitude era was important, but the actual quality of the event was not what I look for in a WrestleMania. It's like Iraq invading Kuwait...a big event, but it paled in comparison to what followed. The TAKA match was a forgotten gem, but Mania matches should not be throwaways like this one. Tyson has never impressed me, and having him knock out HBK did nothing for me. It was better then 4, 9, or 19, but still in my bottom 5. I think KFV, as we affectionately call him, is looking for you. He was last seen heading towards Brooklyn with a ham hock, some handcuffs and the Lockdown 2007 DVD. On a pole.

I love hearing Bobby Heenan on commentary is just so damn funny and unique, he
really made every match enjoyable. I hope the change in the TNA commentary team
comes soon because I'm just tired of how annoying those two can be and, as you
pointed out, TNA has some great talents that they could use here, like Nash or
Cornette.


Posted By: Kristi (Guest) on March 10, 2008 at 03:05 PM

Heenan got much love in the comments section this week. His comedy was effective but never overshadowed the action in the ring, which happens to often these days. Also he knew how to add realism to the product by adding in comments from his own experiences. I miss pure heel commentators. As for TNA's guys...I still enjoy Tenay when he's not saying "and, yes...", but West...I'd rather have Madden. Really. Or Schiavone. In fact, I thought Tony was under appreciated. Of course, he's the guy who said Sting and Flair had 50,000 people "literally eating out of their hands".

will have to try that drinking game it MIGHT make tna watchable for a change.
Before all you tna fanboys start slagging me off I DID at one time love tna but
recently i'ts depressing watching the crap it churns out toady.


Posted By: martyn (Guest) on March 10, 2008 at 03:10 PM

I tried it this week, and ended up sober. Of course, I was drinking iced tea, so that might have been why. I've been very critical of TNA in the past, and I still feel they have a lot of improving to do, but you can definitely see an effort on their part and it is fast becoming enjoyable instead of just watchable. If you haven't tuned in for a while, give it a try. Random side thought: does anyone "tune in" any more? It's all digital now.

Lernard and Prazak the best announcers? Just like Nigel McGuiness and Bryan
Danielson are the best wrestlers. Ask any non-smark who doesn't go on this site
and they'll say, "who the hell are these guys?"


Posted By: ROH = OVERRATED (Guest) on March 10, 2008 at 07:49 PM

My first fanboy post! Yay! It's interesting you should say this, we just finished a similar discussion in the forums. Simply put, it's like the argument about a tree falling in the forest. Many people buy RoH DVDs, and several dozen buy the pay per views. The small number of people who watch them does not diminish their ability. The sad thing is, they're not all that great, they're just better as a team than anyone else around right now. As for McGuinness and Danielson being the best wrestlers...you will never find me claiming that Nigel belongs in that group, but Danielson is easily in the top 5. He might not have the mic skills or the body, and he might not choose to wrestle for the money instead of the art (and he could, TNA have shown interest in the past), but he is an expert at the craft and can put on a good match with 300 pounders or 150-pound flippy-floppers. Anyone who has not seen a Danielson match, I heartily recommend you do so.

FWIW, I always preferred Gorilla and Jesse over Gorilla and Heenan. With Heenan
it was almost always pure face/heel, but Monsoon and Ventura would actually
concede that the other one had a point on occasion, and I thought that added a
great deal of realism. And this was back when I was a full fledged mark.
That said, either of these teams easily outdo anything going today.


Posted By: Lord Gow (Guest) on March 10, 2008 at 10:56 PM

I never really got into Jesse to the extent that I did with others. He was better than anyone around now, but his interaction with Gorilla just wasn't on the same level as Heenan's. Your mileage may vary. I think, though, that would put Schiavone/Tenay/Heenan ahead of Monsoon/Ventura. Watching some old WCW, those 3 had a great chemistry that made up for the occasionally asinine comments from Tony.

My favorite commentary was Styles doing Play-by-Play and Colour being done by
the wind.


Posted By: Blanky (Guest) on March 10, 2008 at 11:53 PM

I'm surprised more people didn't go there. Early Styles solo was painful, but he got a lot better as ECW went on. I never really enjoyed solo commentary, it seems to be so one-dimensional. I thought Styles and Callis were excellent though.

Nash/Cornette on commentary? That's a mind-blowing thought.

The commentary team for Wrestling Society X was Kris Kloss (who used to do
commentary for XPW) and some other guy, and it was clear that they didn't
prepare at all for the show, and they didn't do any overdubs afterwards. Which
is insane, because they absolutely sucked and their commentary booth wasn't
visible onscreen. They would often bring one of the musical guests on to be the
third man, and I think there was only one guy who knew more than Hulk Hogan.

So the question is, since wrestlers as commentators have more legitimacy, who
do you think the WWE could recruit to do color? It worked well for JBL and
Tazz. Who would you give the mic to, and who would you pair them with? I think
it would be interesting to see Flair do color with JR. Maybe not good per se,
but interesting.


Posted By: Kragar (Guest) on March 11, 2008 at 03:25 AM

I watched half of one episode of WSX this week. I think my ears are still bleeding. The lack of redubs is something I've always questioned in Smackdown, and this is no different.

Who could do colour? I'll resist the Jim Neidhart joke. Raven is unemployed and great behind the table. As is Don Callis. I'd put JBL back there. Raven can go with Ross, JBL back with Cole and Styles with Tazz. I think I'd give Smackdown a third member: Schiavone.

I don't think Flair would work on commentary. His mic style is too passion-based to be good in most situations.

I watch the classic ECW episodes on WWE 24/7 and I actually have to disagree
with you. I love the goofy, often completely nonsensical banter between Tazz
and Styles. It's funny and I like to hear their commentary on what was going on
at the time. I think being a HUGE fan of the original ECW helps your
appreciation of the input from Tazz and Styles. I will admit, though, that
sometimes they do babble on and on with the only result being me wondering
"Wait... what the Hell are they talking about?" LOL! But, it is
funny.


Posted By: RavenEffect (Guest) on March 12, 2008 at 02:52 PM

You might be right about the fandom part. I enjoyed ECW, in fact Anarchy Rulz with the Storm/Lynn and Tazz/Awesome/Tanaka matches was my first non-WWE DVD that I owned. I was never a huge fan though. I laughed at some of the Styles/Tazz parts, but found I had more "WTF?" moments.

The Way I C Fire Pro Wrestling Returns

No, you didn't accidentally fall into the video game zone. I picked up this title for $20 the other day, hoping for something I could pick up for 10 minutes and play with Lansdell Jr after homework. I was wrong, but in a good way.

With any wrestling game, I have to have myself made as a CAW before I play. The SvR games normally allow me to do this in 30 minutes, more if I fine-tune an entrance. On Fire Pro, I was at it for over an hour. The depth of moves is staggering, which instantly made it a winner in my book. It's a while since I played No Mercy, but I think FPR has more moves.

The grapple system takes some getting used to, but once you get the timing down (I recommend starting against the lowest skill level AI in order to learn the timing), you're set. Countering is also all down to timing. While this makes for a deeper, more strategic game, it also means that a 7-year old is going to have trouble picking it up. Or so I thought. After being pinned by a guy looking suspiciously like Misawa (and using the Emerald Fusion as a finish...), controlled by Lansdell Jr, I soon revised that opinion.

The Battle Royal mode is incredible. There is really no more to say about it.

You won't be putting this game down once you get into it. It has its drawbacks, though. The graphics and sound would not have been out of place on the SNES. The lack of real names may bother some people who like realism in their games. Some of the moves, as well, are on the fantasy side. Building a strong moveset can be challenging, as the different moves do differing amounts of damage depending on whether or not they fit the style you chose. Also, the manual included in the box is French, though you can download an English version from their website.

All in all, the game is a can't-miss for $20. Go fetch.

The Way I C It – Olympic Edition

Who? What? Huh? Well, with this being an Olympic year, and the World X Cup coming up, I can think of no better time to start this idea, which has been floating in my head for a while now. It all started with a post by Lance Storm to his website, which I simply cannot find now. In it he extolled the idea, semi-jokingly, of pro wrestling in the Olympics.

Now I'm not enough of a dreamer (not Tommy) to think that this will ever happen, or even be considered, but hey, we can have some fun, right? So, over the next few weeks, if I get enough of a response, I plan to evolve this by picking some teams, analysing their strengths and weaknesses and then actually doing the tournament. Suggesting teams is where you, the readers, first come in. Obviously we will have teams for the US, Canada, Japan, Mexico and the UK. I'd be open to any other countries that can put together a big enough team. Both women and men will be included.

Each team should consist of 2 people for a singles match, 4 for a tag match and 3 for a triple threat, as well as anywhere from 2 to 6 people for a "gimmick" match. There can be as much overlap as necessary. Teams will be judged on in-ring storytelling, match psychology, execution, artistic merit and degree of difficulty. The singles match will also have a pre-match promo from each participant.

Try to keep suggestions to the last 15 years of wrestling, and to people who were in WWE, WCW, NWA, TNA, ROH, SHIMMER and ECW. With some help from you guys, this should be tremendous fun.

Well that's game, set and match boys and girls. I'm off to shovel the driveway and play air hockey. Which will probably end up being "snowblow the driveway and play FPR", because that's how I roll.

Lansdellicious – Out.