The Way I C It 03.24.08: Pre WrestleMania Edition

Posted by Chris Lansdell on 03.24.2008

Welcome to WrestleMania Week! I look at what the phenomenon brings this year, as well as some more on the Pro Wrestling Olympics, a rant on no rants, and more!

Greetings, humanity! Welcome back to The Way I C It, the occasionally controversial but always honest look at the storylines of the week, and anything else wrestling related. I'm Chris Lansdell, your host and target for abuse, and for once I don't have anything to rant about.

It's refreshing, really, that nothing annoyed me this week. Well, nothing annoyed me to the point of ranting. I could talk about the waste of airtime that is the obviously fixed Diva Competition, or TNA's need to cram three weeks of angles into one show, or the confusing booking of CM Punk, or TNA's continued "push, depush, bury, emergency push, depush" dance with their home-grown talent. Fortunately, none of that has annoyed me enough that I feel the need to yell about it.

Yet.

So before that changes, what do we have on tap this week? The usual angle review and feedback, the second step of the Olympic Pro Wrestling event, and, since the next column you read from me will be post-Mania, a WrestleMania preview.. Are we all sitting comfortably? Then let's begin.

The Way I C The E

Poor Jericho. One minute he's starting a program with the mega-over Jeff Hardy, which in all likelihood would have been for the WWE title at some point. Now, thanks to dumbassery on the part of Hardy, he's treading water. Don't get me wrong, the Big Show segment was well put together, but it's not going anywhere. This is what irritates me so much about Hardy's idiocy: he hasn't just screwed himself over, screwed his own chances, but he's deprived Jericho of a potentially great feud, he's likely caused Vince and company to turtle even more with regards to people he trusts with the title, and possibly worst of all, he's deprived the fans of some great matches: no Hardy madness in Money in the Bank, no Hardy love-in at the end of Mania, no more Jericho-Hardy greatness. What's next for Jericho? Probably a meaningless feud with someone like Burchill to get the title of Jericho, and then who knows?

Carlito really does madden me. In any given match he can show you flashes of awesome and streaks of indifference within seconds of each other. The timing on his counter of the springboard clothesline was great, but on almost every Irish whip in the match, he was slow. Did anyone else notice that CM Punk's left arm bandages said "Happy Birthday" to someone? It looked like SM but I can't be sure. Santino maybe? Or was it Samoa Joe, but the angle was wrong?

Once again we see that some of the best-built feuds are in the midcard. Santino and Snoop Dogg had a great interaction, and "Snoopy the Dog" may be the funniest line in years. The whole sandwich thing was even better. Like I've said before, though: where can it go? We're obviously not going to get any sort of believable match with Maria and Santino, and I will pay money NOT to see Lawler and Marella again. Maria needs a boyfriend stat. They wouldn't put her with Punk would they? That would be all sorts of irony.

So last week I said that Regal should be building up Umaga on the mic, and then have Umaga squash a couple of jobbers in a handicap. So what do they do: they listen. Sort of. Who did London and Kendrick piss off? Regardless, the Batista-Umaga match is one of 3 I'm looking forward to seeing, mainly because it's been built up so well. It's interesting, too, that the Umaga and Batista squashes are mirroring each other. This week, they both got to beer-y an established tag team.

I *love* what they're doing with Flair and Michaels: introducing animosity without just making one guy heel right away. I believe that Michaels will eventually become a heel off this, possibly tonight. Having him run in to save Flair, despite Flair's wishes, is a great catalyst for the discord. And you can say what you like about McMahon being a tired character (and I have), or about Flair being past it (which I have also done), but both men know how to turn on the awesome. That street fight is a surprise Free TV Match of the Year candidate, and that's The Way I C It.

The only way they could build up the Finlay-JBL match was to utilise both men's tremendous mic work, and they've done that. I still don't particularly care about the match, although the "Belfast Brawl" stipulation might make it less of an eyesore. While I'm on this topic, why do we need so many different names for the same match? There is no difference between a Belfast Brawl, a Chicago Street Fight, a No Count Out - No DQ match, a Detroit Street Fight, a Butte Street Fight, or whatever. Let's just call it a street fight and move along, shall we?

There was a fan with a sign that said "Who's Damien Demento?" Silly fan, Who is Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart.

How incredible is Candace's improvement in the ring? Despite obviously favouring her left arm all match (in fact, she clearly holds her left shoulder when she climbs the corner for the ring intros), she still managed to put on a very good display. I hope that arm is not too badly hurt, because Candace is our main hope for a good match at Mania.

The pre-taped Mayweather segments are actually pretty good, but there's nothing in them that makes me believe he can survive against Show, let alone compete with him. Beating him seems out of the question. The segments also seem to be still trying to get the crowd to care about Mayweather, possibly even cheer him, and yet they have Jericho, an established face, saying nobody likes Mayweather. Vince is pretty good at making people cheer or boo who he wants them to, but sending mixed signals is a great way to ensure the crowd sits on their hands. For us to get behind Floyd at this point, he's going to have to do something uber face, and I just don't C it. The only thing they can do now to give this match some much-needed credibility is let Mayweather beat a jobber (Delaney, Nunzio, Super Crazy...) so that we know he can at least do things in the ring.

The Raw main event for WrestleMania is frustrating. Triple H cuts a great promo with Regal early in the night, Cena and Orton have a heated confrontation before Triple H comes in and lightens the mood. And then we had the complete joke of the match: a mass squash followed by a non-nonsensical cluster of a non-finish. And why were guys from Raw bothering to pin? HHH made it clear that Cena and Orton would only lose when they couldn't continue. Having said that, there were some nice spots in the match, especially the double team RKO. Oh, by the way, Raw midcard? You have been...



BEER-IED!

Smackdown was short on angles, but high on minor mark outs: Funaki is still employed! Cherry has some serious guns! The Naturals in the WWE! They have the look, we might see them again. I hope. Don't forget that The Hardyz, The Major Brothers, Colin Delaney and Sean 1-2-3 Syxx-Pac Lightning Kid Waltman all started as rent-a-jobbers before becoming big parts of the roster.

MVP does a decent Y2J impression. Call me strange, though, but I don't see much point in pimping MitB. It's going to be awesome, anyone with half a brain knows that, and if they were going to buy the PPV for that match, they already made that decision. Spend the time pimping something that needs it, or adding a, SHOCK HORROR, tag title match to the card.

The Kane-Palumbo match actually made me curious about the Battle Royale. And making Mark Henry look strong would have been a lot better if they hadn't spent the last few months letting people squash him.

Deer WWE: No matter what you do, I will not care about non-wrestling Divas. Make them wrestle or stop wasting airtime on them.



The Way I C The T

I'm glad the Booker-Roode feud is continuing, but I wish they didn't feel the need to put Sharmell in the ring. She's no wrestler. Nonetheless, this should end the feud, probably with Booker going over, despite a strong showing from Roode. More than likely Sharmell will get the pin on Banks, thus protecting Roode. It's a good time to end the feud, which has done wonders for Roode, especially showing that he can work the mic with the best of them.

It was interesting this week to watch the continued evolution of Eric Young and his alter-ego. I still think it's stupid, but watching Eric use the odd pose during the match, and not running from the Monsters when they came out. The result of the match worked for me, as both faces looked good and it sets up a LockDown match. Does anyone else think that TNA are starting to make fun of the "Rellik is Killer spelled backwards" thing? Every time they mentioned it tonight, it was very light-hearted. Also, if Steiner and Rhaka Khan are going to bring out a black bag, can't they just put it over Rhaka's head and save us the pain?

The Rhyno-Christian segment would have been a lot more effective if they hadn't gone and ended the confusion in the VERY NEXT MATCH by having Rhyno conveniently forgive and forget. We're supposed to believe that Christian fixed things with Ciara that quickly? Cage coming out for the save was a sensible move, but Rhyno's decision could have waited a week. Or better yet, the arbitrary deadline for the picking of teams could have been a lot later, and this could have been drawn out. A match between Christian and Rhyno, where Christian has a chance to cheat, but doesn't. More backstage imploring from Christian. It's not like both guys are terrible on the mic and they needed to end the story quickly.

The continued sabotaging of dates by Sonjay, and his gradual heel turn, is rather amusing. I'm sure a lot of people will complain about the jobbing out of Homicide in no time flat, but it told a good story and the attack after the bell got some heat back for LAX. That was a heck of an Awesome Bomb too.

I've said it before, but the Rough Cuts idea is excellent. I hate BG James with a passion, and Kip James is almost as annoying, though he has talent to offset that. However, instead of actively wishing this match was not on the PPV, these clips have at least made me interested in the result. The comments are also close to being a shoot.

God, will someone PLEASE feed Karen Angle a cheeseburger or 10?

I'm presuming the word beeped out in the Saeed/Kong interview was fatwa. Interesting choice. I have no idea why the promo from Saeed was so error-filled, it's not like they couldn't have retaped it. Nonetheless, watching Kong's facial expressions change with the words from Saeed was gold. The match itself between Love/Sky and ODB/Kim was blah, but bringing Roxxi out afterwards helped further that angle. Hopefully that will lead to another knockout coming in and teaming with Roxxi, with any luck Mercedes Martinez or Sara Del Ray.

Yay! Intense Angle is back! His sparring session was a complete waste of airtime, but at least we don't have cheesy Angle any more.

Watching Bubba and AJ tussle over the belt while Tomko and Devon cut the promo was fun, but Tomko should learn some more words. I think he threatened to break people as often as Mayweather said he would break Show's jaw. Oh, and Devon? Please pick up the white courtesy phone, a Mr Tazz is on line 13.

The end of the evening teased the return of Sting, which apart from being annoying in terms of ANOTHER PPV main event made up mainly of non-homegrown talent (AJ being the only one), is also a disappointment on a personal level. I still held out hopes of Sting coming to WWE to face Flair one last time, possibly retiring him. I'd be surprised if the offer wasn't made, but I can only think that Sting wanted their last match to have been on the last Nitro, and that he wants to stay as the only major name from the Monday Night Wars era who was never in WWE.

The Way U C Me

Saving the Olympics ideas for their own section leaves us with this:

I'll finish reading the column after this comment, but I think it's worth saying
that Jeff Hardy is an addict. We'd be fools to assume coming off drugs is simple
even with the motivation of a WWE Championship reign ahead. Sure, Jeff chose to
do drugs but he did not chose to be an addict. The last thing he would need
right now is people telling him what a screw-up he is. You don't think it's the
last thing he needs? Without trying to be a smart ass, how about we forget about
our Mania fantasies of brothers embracing and just show a little support for a
guy who has given absolutely everything to entertain us.


Posted By: Daniel Wilcox (Registered) on March 17, 2008 at 12:48 PM

I never assumed coming off drugs was easy. Jeff may or may not be an addict, we simply don't know. But for anyone in this day and age to take drugs without knowing that they would likely become addicted is nigh-on impossible, unless they live under a rock. I simply cannot believe Jeff started doing whatever drugs he's been doing without knowing that he could become addicted. It does no good to wrap him up in cotton and say "It's OK Jeff, you didn't fuck up anything for anyone, least of all yourself. Everything is just fine, and it will be even better if you clean yourself up." Sorry, no.

No matter how much Jeff Hardy or anyone has done to entertain us, they remain accountable for their actions. If you act like a dumbass, expect to be called a dumbass. At least, in this corner of the IWC. I don't pull punches. Jeff needs help, but I don't think that help involves sugar-coating the truth.

"the different moves do differing amounts of damage depending on whether or
not they fit the style you chose"

That's not right. The affinity rankings change how much stamina a move does,
not how much stamina a move uses. So if you have a power wrestler, and you use
the Chair Illusion as your finisher, you'll get more tired than you would with
another wrestler style.

Posted By: Andy Spirals (Guest) on March 17, 2008 at 01:05 PM

Thanks for the correction. One thing remains true: this game (Fire Pro Wrestling Returns) is incredible. It has filled a niche that was sorely lacking in my game library: the "pick it up, play for half an hour when you're waiting for something" game. For those who are wondering why being tired matters, it's not like SvR where stamina just makes you slow. From what I can tell, stamina in FPR is what keeps you from losing.

I did that drinking game you suggested and i ended up pissed as a newt fun
though. I am getting some mates round and trying it on saturday (when it airs
int the uk.)


Posted By: martyn (Guest) on March 17, 2008 at 08:36 PM

I'm trying one for Smackdown next. Every time Cole calls something "xxx-like", or "vintage", or says "shades of xxx", it's a drink.

By email, from Chris Jacobs:

Melina has had that move for a while now. And fuck the poor motor city machine guns crap. They think they can call there own shots backstage, and they think they have pull in the company and tell TNA what they will and will not do, even though they are a glorified Indy act, fuck them. That's what they get out of it.

Wow. Don't beat around the bush Chris, tell us how you really feel. A lot of what you say is true, however. They have overstepped their boundaries by trying to book for themselves, and when they were jobbed out for a few weeks after that story broke, most people agreed with it. I think that punishment should be long over by now though. The Guns were a rarity before this incident: a "homegrown" team that got over despite not being booked in any major feuds. The crowd were really into them and the bookers took note, letting them win the tag gauntlet and giving them a big feud with Team 3D. TNA don't have enough homegrown guys that are over to that degree, so this ongoing punishment is basically shooting themselves in the foot.

The Way I C the PPV – WrestleMania Edition

Everywhere I turn, friends and acquaintances of mine are saying they will not be buying WrestleMania this year. Whether it's the price increase, the predictable main events, the BunnyMania and Mayweather fiascos, or some combination of the above, they all have their reasons. The thing is, most of them will change their mind at the last minute, because it's WrestleMania.

Myself, I'm skipping the middle part and saying right now that I'll order it. In hi-def too. Why? Because, it's WrestleMania. Americans have a sort of quasi-religious affection for Super Bowl Sunday. For me, this is my Super Bowl. I'll have a big-ass tray of nachos, wings, iced tea (or beer for the non-straight edge among them), a bunch of friends over, and a hell of a good time. With no commercial breaks. There's really only one match I actively do NOT want to see, the BunnyMania match. Money in the Bank has the potential to steal the show, as always, and I have Carlito pegged for my surprise of the night. Not to win, but to put on a great display that hardly anyone saw coming. The Finlay-JBL and Umaga-Batista matches both promise physicality, intensity and probably blood. Flair-Michaels will bring the emotion, and is another match where you can't help but question if the result really is that transparent. The Battle Royale is ripe for a WrestleMania moment or huge surprise. Really, the most predictable stuff is in the two title matches.

As always, check out the 411 Round Table later this week for The Way 411 Cs It.

Pro Wrestling Olympics, phase 1 part 2

A couple of entries last week for the US and Japan. Here's what was in the Comments section:

Team Japan:

Singles Match - Manami Toyota vs Aja Kong

Triple Threat - Kenta Kobashi vs Mitsuharu Misawa vs Jun Akiyama

Tag Match - Naomichi Marufuji & KENTA vs Shingo Takagi & BxB Hulk

Gimmick Match -
Dragon Gate Rules
Typhoon (CIMA, Susumu Yokosuka & Dragon Kid) vs Muscle Outlaw'z (Naruki
Doi, Masato Yoshino & Genki Horiguchi)


Posted By: ausjimmy (Guest) on March 17, 2008 at 08:33 PM

Interesting choices here, most of all choosing 2 women for the singles match. Although, these 2 women are more talented than 90% of the men wrestling today. If you haven't seen either of them, check out Lansdell and Byers do Joshi, which contains a match from each lady. Kong kills bitches dead. The triple threat would be great if we roll Kobashi and Akiyama back 5 years, and Misawa back 10. No arguments about the tag match, and the Dragon Gate match already has a match of the year under its belt. Great suggestions here.

Women's Match-
Molly Holly vs. Victoria
*There are better independent talents today, but chemistry and solid
fundamentals are most important in the proposed setting, and these two are a
proven commodity on those fronts, and are very good regardless.*

Single's Match-
Samoa Joe vs. John Cena
*Samoa Joe has an awesome style, and Cena is fundamentally sound and flexible
enough let Joe go full on with said style. And Cena BRINGS IT on a big stage.
And there are very few guys in the business right now that can cut a promo as
well as these two.*

Tag Team-
MCMG of Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin vs. Mark & Jay Briscoe
*These two teams put on one of the most highly praised matches of 2007... and
really, what other US tag teams are there right now that are in their league?*

Triple Threat- Booker T vs. CM Punk vs. Brian Danielson
*Booker is a noted ring general, which is probably ideal in a match with extra
moving parts. Plus he can still go. And I think Punk and Danielson are the
best guys that don't already have a place on the team, though you could sub in
Matt Hardy, Chris Hero, Jimmy Wang Yang, Gregory Helms, or Jay Lethal for
anybody in there as long as someone in there can keep things straight.*

Ladder Match-
Shelton Benjamin vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Kaz vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Shawn Michaels
*Put the best Ladder Match guys in the business in one match (a couple of
Canadians notwithstanding), and watch the awesome.*

I'm confident in this bunch to bring home the gold. ;)


Posted By: twf's sdc (Guest) on March 19, 2008 at 06:54 AM

Once again, some very interesting choices. Joe-Cena could either be great or a train wreck, but the promos would be great. MCMG-Briscoes is another match that has an arguable match of the year to its credit, and with a rematch this year we'll have an even larger sample to draw on. The ladder match would be ridiculously good with that line-up. What intrigues me most here is the triple threat, because the inclusion of Booker in the ring general role is a key. I think I would probably have gone with 1993 Ric Flair or even 1998 Stone Cold instead though.

What I got a lot of this week were questions, so let me clear up some guidelines:

You can use the kayfabe country or actual country for any wrestler.
We're sticking with countries that actually compete in the Olympics
I'm expecting to be able to get Team USA, Canada, Japan, Great Britain, Samoa, Mexico, Australia and Russia. Any others will be a pleasant surprise.

With that in mind, let's aim for Team Canada and Team Great Britain this week.

So that's game, set and match boys and girls. Enjoy WrestleMania week and keep checking 411mania.com all week for more of the excellent WrestleMania Countdown series, along with a special podcast today. Also, check out my 3rd guest shot on Hidden Highlights!

Lansdellicious – Out.