The Thursday Small-For-All News Report 04.03.08
Posted by Jeff Small on 04.03.2008
Featuring highlights from the 411 Staff Party in Orlando AND Small’s trip to a gay bar!
HOW TO KILL A FANBASE
Step 1: Take a week off
Step 2: Return to write two uninspired news reports
Step 3: ????????
Step 4: Profit?
I apologize for the last two weeks, kids. I really do. Hopefully this one makes up for it!
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Keep waiting….
Yes, yes….
WHAMMY!!!!!!!
Welcome back to the still-tan Thursday News Report known as the Small-For-All. In today's edition, we glance over news from Wrestlemania's fallout, talk of TNA's recent successes, and most importantly, spend way too much time talking about my trip to Wrestlemania! And I mean that in a good way as it covers the 411 Staff Party, my trip to Disney, my adventures in downtown Orlando, and obviously, Wrestlemania. With much to talk about, let's end this introductory paragraph… now!
NEWS FROM TITAN TOWERS
Clearly, the biggest news of the week is the modest success of WWE the Music Vol. 8!!! Vol 8 sold over 17,000 units to hit the charts at No. 24!!! Unfortunately, Vol 8 could not reach the successes of Vol 5 which debuted at #2 before going Platinum (1 million units sold) in the U.S. Of course, we should not have expected Vol 8 to match the success of earlier editions for a variety of reasons.
First, album sales are down 13% to last year which was down 15% to 2004 which was down… you get the picture. While being the best of both worlds, even Miley Cyrus cannot save the music industry. Second, with each release, WWE the Music sets became more and more irrelevant. Back when people were eating up everything from the WWE, it was cool to own an album of entrance music. Nowadays, people can download one or two neat themes and be done with it. Furthermore, Vol 5 had Rikishi's "Bad Bad Man": the greatest theme song not known as "Ass Man" or "I'm the Mountie." Even Ricky Steamboat's WCW Theme "Family Man" pales in comparison to Rikishi's heel theme.
Shockingly, more people purchased the WWE Originals CD than this one showing that some people do purchase anything the WWE craps out. And for those who have forgotten that gem, let me reintroduce you to my favorite song off of the album.
The Biggest Fallout Under the Sun!
The fallout from Wrestlemania is in full effect! Let's first start with the real attraction at the show: Floyd "Money" Mayweather.
According to ProWrestling.net, "One of the top stories coming out of WrestleMania weekend is that Floyd Mayweather was great to work with and the door is open for future business to be done with WWE.
The WWE stars saw him as humble and respectful and nothing like his flashy boxing character. He took a lot of time to take pictures with wrestlers backstage on Sunday. More than one person in WWE has stated that Mayweather was the best celebrity or athlete the company has ever worked with.
Big Show got along well with Mayweather, but had some minor issues with some of his friends and bodyguards. Show thought Mayweather was very down-to-earth for a guy who has so much money and success at such a young age."
Even JR in his most recent blog stated that "Floyd Mayweather created many fans within the WWE as a result of his performance at WM24. Fans will never know how hard Floyd worked to prepare for WM24 and how hell-bent he was to make his in-ring business exceed everyone's expectations, and it did."
It's always nice to hear when a celebrity acts well in the WWE. Considering Trump no-sold anything after the Battle of the Billionaires match (to which he was almost removed from the DVD cover), it's nice to know that Mayweather was a much better investment. If his prediction on Wrestlemania topping 1.4 million buys is correct, then I can see him inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame in the near future.
What else shall we talk about? Hmm… how about the Fireworks malfunction!
As reported everywhere known to man, the biggest news coming out of Wrestlemania was not Mayweather's victory over the Big Show; rather, a pyrotechnics malfunction sent a few hot cables and fireworks into one of the top sections of the stadium. Luckily, there were only 35 minor injuries and nothing worse. Of course, it you were to watch the news, the media spun it like this…
I'm serious, if you've watched TMZ's footage of the fireworks malfunction (which you can see here ), it looks as if the whole stadium was on fire. Rather it was just a section in the cheap seats. That's what you cheap bastards get for not ponying up! Seriously though, I'm just glad no one was seriously injured.
Uh, what else can we talk about. I know…
Between a Rock and a Hall of Fame
From the Torch, "Duane Johnson, known in WWE of course as "The Rock," did not leave a positive impression on wrestlers at the Hall of Fame banquet on Saturday night.
Multiple sources report he did not hob-nob with old friends before or after the Hall of Fame speech. He showed up in time for the speech, delivered an overly-long speech that offended many in WWE, and then left.
He came across as "aloof" and "totally Hollywood," as if he were "above WWE now," including all of his colleagues. This surprisingly included one-time good pal Steve Austin, who was said to be openly displeased and taken aback by Johnson's demeanor.
"This wasn't a roast," says one wrestler in attendance. "This was supposed to be a tribute to his dad and grandfather. Instead, he did an hour plus of comedy, running way long, then did a short tribute to his dad and grandfather, then left. It was rude of him."
The Rock did not attend WrestleMania, either."
Of course this is from the Torch so it must be taken with a gallon of salt. While I have not seen the Rock's Hall of Fame speech (because I was at Disney), from what I've read, I can see why certain people would be angry with the Rock. Many wrestlers have not been fans of the Rock since he left for Hollywood and this performance did not make matters any better. From all sounds of it, the Rock catered to the fans and not to any of the boys in the back, which is fine for entertainment purposes.
Which is exactly the reason why the WWE brought him back for the Hall of Fame! Look, both sides used each other for this occasion. The Rock needs face time every few years to remind wrestling fans to watch his movies while the WWE needed to sell out the Hall of Fame. Sure, Ric Flair's induction was the main attraction but if it wasn't for the Rock, I don't know how many people would have cared for the rest of it. A one-two punch of Flair and the Rock = must-see tv and a shitload of money!
And really who cares if the boys in the back are upset at the Rock. He's not part of the roster anymore. Hell, he hasn't wrestled a match in five years! Most, including Triple H and Stone Cold, should be grateful that he was a good foil for their characters and helped them prosper during the Glory Days of Russo television. That's the true Rock legacy.
Quick N Dirty Wrestlemania News
Taken from the usual:
The announce table was not prepped before the HBK/Flair match which led to the table not giving when HBK crashed into it!
Ouch!
Test was backstage at Wrestlemania to have sex with his girlfriend Kelly Kelly during the show!
And rightfully so!
Induction news: the Hardy Boyz were originally going to induct the Briscoe Brothers before Jeff Hardy got himself suspended. Triple H was Ric Flair's choice, not Arn Anderson.
Yet, no one knows why Stephanie McMahon backed out of inducting Mae Young.
Big Daddy V has pneumonia which is why he missed Wrestlemania.
Seriously, why did so many people care that BDV was missing? He was King Mabel, remember!
Backlash SPOILERS!!!
With Wrestlemania being officially over, we can now look at WWE's next PPV offering, only four weeks away! Below is the speculated card (SPOILERS BEWARE):
From the main page, "WWE foiled a plan by TNA to fly a plane over the Citrus Bowl during WrestleMania. WWE found out ahead of time that TNA was planning to do this, found out which company was going to fly the plane, and then convinced them not to go through with it. The company told TNA that they couldn't fly the plane due to weather, but most see through that excuse since several other planes did fly over WrestleMania to promote various things including one plane that promoted an adult entertainment club. Some in TNA were upset over this.
WWE also forced a TNA mobile video truck to leave the Amway Arena parking lot prior to RAW last night even though TNA paid to park there. The driver of the truck was given a refund for his parking fee and told to leave. He then moved to another parking lot and was confronted again by WWE but refused to move unless police forced him to, which they didn't. "
Let's start with the plane incident. I fail to see the big deal in TNA flying a plane above the Citrus Bowl. The majority of the attendees at the Citrus Bowl already knew of TNA either from the internet, visiting Universal Studios, or other various forms of advertising from Wrestlemania weekend. As long as the WWE cameras did not pick up the TNA plane, no one outside of the fans at the stadium would have ever known. While I understand the WWE's reasoning that TNA should not piggyback off of their major event, I still think it was not nearly as big as a deal as everyone made it. The same thoughts on the TNA mobile video truck as well.
I'm Sent Home!
Of course this is in reference to Highlander Robbie who was stupid enough to disobey orders and attended the TNA Live show. Soon enough his catchphrase might be "I'm Fucking Missy Hyatt in the Indies."
TNA Knows Step 3 Perhaps!
From the Wrestling Observer, "Early projections are that TNA will be "significantly profitable" in 2008. TNA has many revenue streams coming in, including rights fees for Impact, the increase in demand for their talent, the upcoming Midway Video Game, overseas TV rights sales and house shows. With these taken into consideration TNA is expected to turn the corner financially, even with their PPV buy rates being lower than they were.
Panda Energy has not had to put any money into the promotion for over a year, which means that TNA has actually become a self-sufficient company. The feeling is that the company either broke even or made a small profit in 2007."
Very good news for TNA. Of course, I and many others have believed time and time again that TNA is always one step from the grave. However, I was wrong. TNA has now left the cemetery to hit up Dunkin Donuts. Of course, even with this profitability, TNA shouldn't still try to directly compete with the WWE at this moment. If they cannot compare to the profitability of Money Mayweather, they have a long way to go before the company can launch a war with the WWE.
Oh wait, we've been talking war for the last few paragraphs. Silly media journalism!
SMALL'S TRIP TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!
Before we begin: yes, I went to Wrestlemania last year. However, last year's trip could hold a candle to this year.
Let's begin with the cast of characters I had the privilege of being with:
Kegger: longtime commenter of the Small-For-All. Kegger is the only person in America who actually purchased a Hornswoggle t-shirt. Yes, he's semi-mentally retarded.
Sergio: my favorite Mexican amigo. Came over to America in a Mexican basket yet knows the English language much better than myself. Sergio is a mark for the Undertaker.
John: my college roommate. John has the distinction of holding the most Masterlock challenges in the state of Maryland.
Double M: 411's semi-retired legend. Double M was kind enough to plan our trip to Margaritaville.
J's (JP & JT): fags
Chip N Dale: two cool motherfuckers
My Wrestlemania trip began on a snowy Friday night in Manchester, New Hampshire. I barely made my flight after being detained at security. Note to flyers #1: don't bring boxcutter blades in your carry-on bag. Note to flyers #2: don't wear a Muhammed Hassan t-shirt. Thankfully, I made my flight and arrived in Orlando at 8pm. Meeting up with John and Sergio at the Courtyard Marriot downtown (hooray, points), we hit the streets.
A Sidenote: there are some tig ole bitties in Orlando! For my next relocation, can someone please ship me to Florida!
Anyway, the three of us, clearly underdressed for the downtown scene, wound up at a cigar bar. Because yes, when you think of wrestling fans, you think of people sipping port at a cigar bar. Sadly, there was no strip clubs around. After scoping out the downtown scene (because hell, I won't go to a ROH show), we met up with Kegger around 1am. The three of us wanted to go back to the hotel while Kegger wanted to drink. And to win us over, he vowed to pay for our cover and our first shot at the first bar we could find. Of course, the first bar we found turned into quite the experience.
I could tell something seemed a bit off at this bar. It only took the following song two hours later to clue us in as to where we were.
Yup, Kegger took us to a gay bar. After our bar trip, we celebrated by eating foot long hotdogs to close our night. Oh the irony!
Day 2: Disney. Mind you, I'm not a Disney freak like Meehan. However, I'm not sure if even Meehan had as much fun as I. The four of us met up with Kegger's Disney contact to get us in for a sweet deal. For the next twelve hours (Noon to Midnight), we hit four parks (Animal, MGM, Epcot, and Magic Kingdom) and all of the major rides. Hell, we rode Space Mountain twice in a tribute to Ric Flair. Sure it was no Hall of Fame Standing Ovation but it was the best we could do.
Day 3: Staff Party!!! The goal was for myself, Double M, and the J's to meet at 1pm in Margaritaville. At 1:05PM, I met Double M outside of the restaurant. For the next hour, Double M and I had a fun conversation between rousing sing-alongs of "Cheeseburger in Paradise!" Thankfully, the J's showed up at 2:00PM. Of course, we were never given a good reason why they were late. Just a lot of bickering between the two. Trust me, it was like Hidden Highlights only actually funny!
Staff Party
Yes, the 411 Staff Party was awesome and the beef between myself and JP is officially over (as we both will be on hand for Lockdown). By the way, I would be remiss in mentioning how utterly fucking ridiculous JT looked.
Utterly Ridiculous
After the Staff Party, I continued my booze quest (though JT was ahead at the end of the party) and a few hours later, it was time for Wrestlemania!!! Next week, we will take a look at Wrestlemania and perhaps, I'll even include an uncensored Staff Party Picture!
To Be Continued…
Until then…
Meehan is in tomorrow!
For the Thursday Small-For-All News Report, I'm Jeff Small… and you're not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BWA-HAHAHAHA!
"I don't... SUCK!"
I must make this a ringtone.
Posted By: hgdragon (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 01:42 AM
The Rock's speech at the HoF was hilarious. The crack about the WWE being in
trouble over torture, apparently someone tied someone to a chair and forced
them to watch the Marine. That was hilarious. In a few years when the Rock
decides to grace them again with his presence for his own HoF ceremony the ass
kissing will be off the chart. I think H was just burnt after a guy that
hasn't wrestled in five years got a bigger pop then super h
Posted By: Amp (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 02:10 AM
The Rock's ramblin's were great... He did the "roast style thing" but
everyone enjoyed it, I think they could listen to him talk for 3 hours and he
was VERY considerate towards his reason there, plus the importance of his Dad's
big moment... you would know that if you weren't Mickey-eared wearin ,"It's
a small world" singin, Meehan ball cuspin Zip dee doo dah-in' yer way
through Mickey Rat County...
HHH fell flat w his jokes... that guy was sweatin' in his own lameness &
one time, long lost greatness... as a one time, 1 TIME! fan-- i kinda felt sorry
for him.
Rock's dad babbled on & on, maybe yer confusin' the 'Rocky's but as
painfull as it was, it was his moment...
what do you know, tho? yer still passin gas from that turkey leg ya ate in
frontier land....
Posted By: theHomewrecker! (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 02:38 AM
is that Daddy Yankee???
Posted By: Pepo (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 02:41 AM
I just wanna know who was wearing the Hawaiian shirt.
I bet he was a big fat party animal!!
Posted By: Andy Baker (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 03:18 AM
Actually the person in what appears to be a Hawaiian shirt was our waitress, and
*she* was simply wearing her uniform for that place (which was not, in fact,
Hawaiian... and she was a great sport the entire time.
Posted By: James Thomlison (Registered) on April 03, 2008 at 04:37 AM
"J's (JP & JT): fags" Good for them, when is the commitment
ceremony?
Great article
Posted By: Brad (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 06:18 AM
ha, electric six ftw.
entertaining as always.
Posted By: grantimus (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 06:42 AM
Triple H could never really do what Rock could on the mike. For many examples,
look at Trips (attempted) shoots during inring promos with his opponents. He'll
drop a comment and his opponent will always come back with something. He's got
way to much dirty laundry from backstage to be able to get away with the kind
of stuff Rock does.
Bret said in his book that Triple H had an obsession with his dick (thats his
dick and not Brets) and I've noticed since then just how many jokes Triple H
seems to have that involve either his or other peoples penis. He really does
have an obsession with it.
Posted By: FDuk200k (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 07:02 AM
hahaha it sounds like the entire roster is a wee bit jealous of Mr. Johnson.
Especially Mr. Stephanie McMahon. "The crack about the WWE being in
trouble over torture, apparently someone tied someone to a chair and forced
them to watch the Marine." CLASSIC.
Posted By: JMASCORPIO (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 10:16 AM
I thought The Rock made a very entertaining speech. And isn't the name of the
game "Sports Entertainment"? The shot at The Marine was great, and
then he roasted himself by saying "Hey, I made Doom". He put over
Santino, he gave the live audience what they paid for, and he pointed out Steph
being pregnant. All in all, if the workers are upset, they need a sense of
humor. Oh, and The Rock IS bigger than the business. I guarantee more people
know his name over anyone else on the roster.
Posted By: BALman (Registered) on April 03, 2008 at 10:23 AM
Sorry, I'm relatively new in reading stuff from the IWC...Does the Torch have a
reputation of lying/making stuff up? I didn't really get the "It's from
the torch, so it must be taken with a gallon of salt" comment. Could
anyone explain that?
Posted By: AA (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 11:02 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHA. He said Daddy Yankee. Yes, that's Daddy Yankee. HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Posted By: MommyConfederate (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 11:03 AM
"
I just wanna know who was wearing the Hawaiian shirt.
I bet he was a big fat party animal!!"
Yeah, cuz that guy is sporting PIMP looking pocket protector there . . .
sweet-ass-sweet . . .
Posted By: McLovin (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 11:05 AM
About that thing with The Rock... PWtorch "reported" that he left
immediately after the HoF ceremony.. Of course, he somehow managed to film an
interview for WWE.com (Again, after the ceremony was over). The Torch also
botched the name of the movie he's filming... And I'm sure WWE will be
complaining once the HoF DVD's fly off of the shelf thanks in part to
"Dwayne's" antics.
Posted By: soulpower (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 11:40 AM
It's a sad comment on the talent in the WWE right now when a guy who hasn't
seen the inside of a ring in 5 years gets a bigger pop than the rest combined
for the last five years.
Posted By: Michael (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 11:55 AM
Ok...let me clear up a few things.
1) I did buy a Hornswoggle tshirt...that little guy is the shit.
2) It was not a gay bar. I asked some girls there (they couldve lied, but they
were hot so I took their word for it)
3) You're a douche
4) Good times were had..still hungover from Sunday
Posted By: Kegger (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 12:36 PM
Turds like Cena should worship the ground that The Great One walks on and be
eternally grateful that in His Greatness He felt they somehow were worthy to
even bask in his presence if only for a short time.
Posted By: Guest#2162 (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 12:59 PM
You forgot to talk about the broad shoulders!
Posted By: Guest#4073 (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 03:04 PM
I just saw his speech on youtube, he didn't say anything about his family and
the honour of having them inducted.
Posted By: Chin (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 04:05 PM
Why does the IWC protect the Rock all the time, but blast Hogan constantly!
Hogan's 5 times more loyal to wrestling fans coming back for actual matches and
in rign work instead of just a speech!
I'll admit I was sort of upset that Hogan didnt show up at the Hall of Fame,
but considering his personal trouble right now I don't think he'd have been
welcome by the fans.
Posted By: Davy (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 04:32 PM
If the WWE people want to be mad at someone acting like an ass at the HOF, then
they should be mad at the classless fans in attendance. Honestly, don't invite
them anymore.
Posted By: Capt. Smooth (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 05:38 PM
All I know is it doesn't look like Nailz would pass Wellness with them arms.
Next month's poster will be Kane as the Mountie and then we'll have John Cena
as Koko B. Ware.
Or maybe Finlay will be Koko and the midget can be Frankie.
Posted By: G-Walla (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 06:18 PM
" Bret said in his book that Triple H had an obsession with his dick (thats
his
dick and not Brets) and I've noticed since then just how many jokes Triple H
seems to have that involve either his or other peoples penis. He really does
have an obsession with it."
HA always said hhh ( tosser ) was a DICK !
Posted By: HHH Hater (Guest) on April 03, 2008 at 09:00 PM
I dont belive this stuff about the rock one bit. i think it was made up total
bullshit.
Posted By: Joe Mastronardo (Registered) on April 03, 2008 at 09:08 PM
The Rock probably got a bigger pop than HHH because he hasn't been on WWE (in
person) in five years. Imagine if Mick Foley, Steve Austin, or Hulk Hogan had
waited five years to make another appearance for WWE. That place would have
EXPLODED. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Posted By: Koby (Guest) on April 04, 2008 at 12:35 AM
HA! He does look a little ridiculous. You mentioned the lack of strip clubs.
The next time you're there--if you don't mind a little extra travel, in Tampa,
there's a SWANK joint called 2001 Odyssey. I was on hand for 'Mania, and the
night before we were in Tampa for a hockey game, and after the game, my pal and
I went lookin' for nudie bars, and this one has been voted Tampa's best
like..three years running!
Posted By: deejayess (Registered) on April 04, 2008 at 01:37 AM
