Truth B Told 4.3.08: Searching for Ric Flair

Posted by Bayani Domingo on 04.03.2008

Mama, don’t let your babies grow up to be Ric Flair...while there may still be “Icons” and “Legends” left in this industry, how many more “Role Models” do wrestlers still have left?

For the first time in a long time I rushed home on Monday night to catch the end of RAW. I hit the gym at around 9:30, rushed through a quick few sets and sped off in hopes of not missing a single moment of Ric Flair's farewell address. I got there just in time. It was emotional, it was sincere, and it was surreal. I didn't end up watching ‘Mania this year and I knew that I'd probably end up buying the DVD if the HBK/Flair match was anywhere close to as good as I thought it might be…looks like I'll be putting away that $25 now. Monday night we saw the end of a legendary career, one that will never be duplicated, one that will never be equaled, and one that will be talked about for the rest of our lives. There is only one Ric Flair, there isn't anyone even close to his level and perhaps…there never will be. Only…there is no "perhaps" about it.

Many wrestlers grow up as kids idolizing Hulk Hogan, but when they become men and enter the wrestling biz, they end up wanting to be Ric Flair. Its weird how the older and more in tune to wrestling you become the more you appreciate the wrestler that Ric Flair is. Forget for a second, who he is as a man, it has been well documented that Flair has had his share of mistakes, backstage politicking, and poor judgments. But Flair as a performer is pretty much everything that most wrestlers are taught to strive for; charisma, psychology, performance, and showmanship. Ric Flair embodied so much of what we look for in today's wrestlers. He's unlike any other and he evokes such an emotional response in his fans and detractors because the man is pure excitement, pure adrenaline, and pure Kayfabe at it's finest. Something we all wish we could get back to because sometimes the "Smarter" we are, the less we can enjoy all the little things that made wrestling a little more special for us when we were younger.

What makes Ric Flair's retirement so significant is the fact that he leaves a real void in the world of wrestling. When you ask 50 wrestlers who they most wanted to emulate when they were training I bet you at least half would say Ric Flair. He was a role model to a generation of future wrestlers because he was something that few "Icons" were, an attainable dream. The fact that with charisma and hard work you could become an absolute star in the industry must be such a motivating force. When you look at some of the greatest wrestlers of all-time, some of the most remembered characters that set foot in the squared circle you come to realize how much of their mystique and appeal came from being characters. Was it the "man" behind the "gimmick" or was it the "gimmick" itself?

No one will ever be able to be the next ‘Andre the Giant' simply because the man's size was so overwhelming and he was such an oddity back then. The WWE and WCW tried to capitalize off that by bringing us Big Show (The Giant) and Great Khali, but it didn't work because they lacked a certain kind of charisma Andre had and the time of the "side show act" had become less relevant when more and more "giants" appeared in real life or sports. The effect was not nearly as potent as it was 30 years ago. Its not like you can grow up as a kid and think, "Man, if I work really hard I could be 7 feet tall". At this point unless you're a HUGE wrestling fan who is at least 6'5" and have the time to become a WNBA groupie andd knock up a center in the hopes of raising a giant baby you will feed nothing but steaks and whole chickens to from the time it pops out of the mother's foot wide vajayjay, chances are you are not going to be able to replicate Andre the Giant. However...that will make one HELL of a reality show on Bravo!.

Hulk Hogan came in at the right place and right time, had he started in the biz 20 years later he would have been wearing a spinner belt and getting booed in Madison Square Garden. You look at John Cena and realize that he really is the next "Hulk Hogan" only without the same significant effect on the business. They are both big muscular guys with a good "look", both have good charisma, both have a great following when it comes to children, both are pushed as true "role models" both in and out of the ring, and both of them were a product of the WWF hype machine that not only built them up as the "Man" in the company, but left you little room to make up your own mind. They were basically forced down your throat. The difference is that while Hulk was coasting off his reputation and booking, Cena actually managed to put in some work and improve as a wrestler. Sure he's no Ricky Steamboat, but compared to Hogan he isn't far off. With an entire company and booking committee it's possible to get almost Hogan-like status.

Even the Undertaker was more a product of his "gimmick" than his work rate. The man became a very good "worker" in his own right and had a lot of good matches over his career, but it was the otherworldly character he played that really made him one of the most recognizable wrestlers in the history of the WWF/E. The guy was incredibly raw when he first debuted and if it wasn't for a great gimmick "Mean" Mark Calloway might have just been a early version of Test. Okay, maybe not that bad, but still, the ‘Taker gimmick was pure gold. I'm not sure anyone could expect for lightening to strike twice and become the next "Phenom"…unless they felt like sporting a mask and being accused of necrophilia that is. Yeah, that turned out well. "Hey, maybe one day if I practice my top rope lariats and Big Boots I can be WWE champion for a day and ECW champion....eh, maybe I'll just see if I can nail Stacy Keibler instead....yeah, let's aim for that one."

When I look at some of the most emulated wrestlers of all-time I think Flair has to be up there. Or to be fair it was probably Buddy Rodgers because Flair kind of stole his shtick after all. When you looked around that ring on RAW you could imagine how many of those wrestlers really did idolize Ric Flair and tried to pick up as much as they could of him. How many other wrestlers have ever received that kind of admiration and praise at the same time? How many wrestlers really wanted to be HHH? Greg Valentine or Arn Anderson? Ricky Steamboat or Tully Blanchard? Sure there might have been a few, but none of those guys had the total package like Flair. Flair was one of the few big "Superstars" who was able to avoid becoming a parody of themselves and continue to delivery time and time again in and out of the ring without a history of injury or side projects that took them away from the sport.

I look around now at what we have left it's hard to see who that next real "role model" is. Stone Cold, Mick Foley, and HHH were all popular wrestlers, but hardly role models in the sense of becoming a great wrestler. While some may envy their success in the ring and with the fans, it's hard to imagine a young kid in a ring practicing his "high knees" and "double bird elbow drops". You can get the sense that guys like Mr. Kennedy or MVP grew up watching The Rock, but again it's impossible to be The Rock because the charisma that man had is just off the charts, he was so natural on the mic and such a great character that you couldn't hope to imitate him. As much of a fan I was of his, it was clear that The Rock succeeded on only about 20% wrestling and 80% "aura". The rest of the veterans are a mixed bag: Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Chris Jericho, Edge, Batista, Randy Orton, JBL, etc. All achieved varying degrees of success throughout their careers, but hardly role models in the sense that none of them are truly "iconic" wrestlers. Each had a flaw or were lacking something that took them to that next level. For me it comes down to really the last "role model" left in the "e", ironically the man who got rid of the last true one. HBK.

I think we'll look back at HBK as being the next "great" wrestler who enters that "who is the greatest of all-time" argument. While the Undertaker is close, I have to think HBK managed to do far more with far less. He didn't start out with that huge push to begin with and didn't have awesome size and mythical booking behind him. The one caveat is that HBK left the ring at his peak for a good long time and because he didn't have the same longevity that Flair had as well as not having the title reigns to back him up, he will always be an after thought compared to The Nature Boy. While both are known for backstage politicking, it's funny how we give Flair a pass that some wouldn't give Michaels. I know there has to be tons of young wrestlers out there who idolized HBK, some of them he trained and ended up become pretty damn good wrestlers in their own right (Danielson, London, Kendrick, Cade) and HBK really does have a great body of work to learn from, he is still that next level just below Flair in my opinion.

At least the "e" has those icons left on the roster. Looking at TNA they really don't have that "Role Model". They don't have that guy who emulates what you want to be as a TNA wrestler. When you think about TNA and the icons of their company its hard to pick one that really stands out. the guys I consider TNA Diehards and cornerstones were AJ Styles, Jeff Jarrett, and AMW. Now look what happened, it's hard to really say anyone but AJ is even worth looking up to. Now even the last real "TNA role model" is now a henchman for Kurt Angle. While some may look up to Angle I think so much of his problems and his massive ego has been publicized that his image has been fairly tarnished. Although if anyone could manage to do and become what he has then that would be a damn fine career indeed. Just...without the craziness and drug addiction if possible. Or...keep it to a minimum, like somewhere just south of Lindsay Lohan. On both accounts.

Ring of Honor had some great wrestlers pass through their roster and the "Forefathers of RoH" are definitely role models for some of the young guys, but I just can't imagine someone would be happy only aspiring to be a Homicide or Christopher Daniels, because as good as they were, there is still that level just above them that you know your average wrestlers still dreams about. When I think of the greatest role models RoH had it would have to be Samoa Joe and Bryan Danielson because not only were they so beloved by the fans, they are forever linked with RoH and everything they stand for. I can't imagine who else really personified what that company is about more than them. But again, I can't see anyone ever being "The Next Samoa Joe" or Danielson. Joe to me is a phenomenon that will probably not be duplicated in our lifetime and Danielson, much like Flair did, took advantage of working and plying his trade all over the country and world in order to evolve into the performer he is today. Only you can't really compare the two because as competent as Danielson is on a mic...we're talking about Ric Flair here. I guess for me it's a strange dichotomy with RoH because they are a "Company" but not a lineage in that for a lot of people RoH isn't the destination like the WWE is, but merely a possible launching pad into something greater. It's like not wanting to "Be like Mike", but just wanting to be like Kevin Love or Tyler Hansbrough and nothing more.

I think we've lost a lot of potential role models in the past few years. I think a big reason for that is because wrestlers are become so human now. we're finding out just how vulnerable and human they really are because now that Kayfabe is dead and the IWC roams free through the "dirt sheets" and message boards we know everyone's dirty little secrets. How many people wanted to be just like Chris Benoit just a short time ago? He was considered one of the greatest technical wrestlers of all time until tragedy struck and now he's like a 4-letter word at a Church bake sale. Dynamite Kid came before him and his promising career was cut short before it really got going in the states. Eddie Guerrero was a great role model in the Latino community and just when he was becoming of the greatest "comeback" stories in wrestling he was gone, cut down by the sins of his past. No, not the one where he an Art Barr got those underaged girls drunk down in Tijuana after that show and rented that donkey from ....okay, you get the point. Damn, those guys really WERE "rudo". It's sad to see Flair go because there are few that can take his place. Who do you want to be like now when you consider plunking down your $20 for wrestling lessons out of some converted garage? Do you want to be the biggest belt hog son-in-law in the industry? The born again showstopper? Or one of the greatest wrestlers to never have a televised match? we're not just missing out on a "legend" or an "icon"...we're missing out on a "standard". Who are we going to turn to next? The first ‘commenter' that says The Miz, is getting sentenced to 5 weeks with Corke's column.

The Truth

I really do believe each and every wrestler who said they grew up and trained to become a pro wrestler by watching Ric Flair. The man was something great and if you could manage to be just half of the wrestler, worker, and character he was you'd be guaranteed a long and succesful career. The next guys staring retirement in the face I'm afraid will be HBK and ‘Taker and then...I don't know. The true "greats" and "role models" that so many wrestlers tried to emulate are gone. No one has stepped up from the new guard to take their place. I know it'll happen soon enough, but then again, maybe that's just blind faith. But still, on a smaller scale knowing that not everyone is going to main event Wrestlemania, I wouldn't think it would be so bad to prop your Bryan Danielson "Best of" DVD up on your book shelf for you to look at when you're lacing up your boots for wrestling school. Only time will tell.

Coming Up Short

So is anyone else wondering why Randy Orton and CM Punk just came off the biggest wins of their young careers in the "E" and immediately proceeded to get …punked? I don't know why you would put Punk over 6 other men just to have him immediately job cleanly to Jericho on RAW the next night. it now makes his win look even flukier than before. On top of that Orton gets berated and totally OWNED by JBL on the mic in the middle of the ring while looking like a complete goof. THEN on top of that he is attacked by Matt Hardy and manages to eek out a victory over the perennial mid-carder after defeating two of true "Main Event" level stars on the roster. Sure Orton won and looked heelishly good by sneaking in the RKO, but why let him look like a chump and a fluke next to JBL? It just takes away from the big win he just had and kills his momentum. I would think there are other ways to put this feud together and making Orton look like an idiot against a far superior promo guy just seems like poor judgment. Oh and let's just hope Punk doesn't end up pulling an RVD and putting his briefcase against Jericho's IC title. We've seen what happens after that. I just hope in this case they don't let him carpool with Sabu anytime soon. For me the momentum of these guys coming off huge wins just came up very short.

6 Degrees of…



John Houston

In recognition of Ric Flair's historic career, he HAS to be one of this week's links. Let's link him to another man with an historic 35+ year career: Dean Smith.



Two legends from North Carolina this week. Okay, so technically Flair isn't from Carolina, but he's definitely a part of the history of that State now. Both had storied careers and have been idols and role models to the younger generation. Although something tells me that Dean Smith never referred to "Space Mountain" in his pep talks during half time.

Whatchu talkin' bout readers?

Hi Bayani,

Great article in short this Mania is going to be a true nothing in the grand scheme of Manias and really has nothing to offer unless they really take some gambles by like you said letting Flair win and then hang his boots, or have him win and then declare himself the number one contender and win the title and have one last hoorah. Edge beats the Deadman and leave his streak dead and become the monster heel we feel he can be. Also Randy to win I do not think is required coz he will be around the title scene always unless he messes up a wellness test again so I would say CM Punk to win the MITB and cash it in asap and walk out as champ. Yeah I said it. We need a good balance of two faces two heels. We have Orton and Edge and Cena and ???? Hornswoggle???? nah it should be Punk now that RVD is gone. It seems they dont wanna reward Jericho would would be just as good only a little less fresh so imagine this storyline. Taker beats Edge. Punk cashs in pin Taker and then Edge uses the rematch clause all in the same night would be insane. So in theory Taker keeps his streak and has a rematch clause as does Punk (as once you lose the belt you can get an automatic rematch) and then we could have a great three way dance for 6 months culminating in the retirement of Taker and the ascension of Punk and Edge. Hence we would have two faces and two heels and one crazy night for the Smackdown Brand at Mania.

Anyway thanks for the comments from my last email i look foward to these and the possibility of getting the push i so richly deserve for the 6 degrees.

Be well
Tarek

Sorry, your 6DO push has been suspended due to your 6DO "Wellness" test results. It seems you've been using Gingko Biloba and Mountain Dew Code Red to enhance your performance. In response to your comments I guess we were both wrong on some of the accounts although I did call a lot of the results in my column last week. Orton retained, Punk won the MiTB, ‘Taker kept his streak, but poor Flair was superkicked into retirement. At this point I think the "e" is actually too "Face" heavy right now. You have HHH/Cena/HBK on top of RAW with only Orton and JBL to oppose them and even JBL is gunning for Orton. ‘Taker/Batista are the main guys on Smackdown with only Edge and the other Hanson brothers to back him up. Even ECW has Kane/Punk to the "heel" Chavo. I think we need to elevate some heels here and perennial sacrificial lambs like Khali and Umaga just aren't cutting it anymore. Really the days of "Monsters" are over and fans seem to take to guys like JBL, Orton, and Edge who can inspire a greater depth of emotion from their own special brands of evil. I hope that they eventually figure out that a heel Punk is the way to go and at some point I'd love for him to be the one to take the title from ‘Taker instead. It's clear that he's outgrown ECW.

6 Degrees Results

Honorable Mention

6 degrees would be this:

Landers was in Boogie Nights with Mark Walhberg who was in Perfect Storm with George Clooney who was in Oceans 11 with Scott Caan who was in Ready to Rumble with Bill Goldberg who was Lesnars opponent at Wrestlemania. - Put me over I need the credit.

Tarek

Hmm…good try but not technically 6 degrees. It's more like 4. I know people keep getting confused and agitated that I make it 6 exact degrees instead of making them as few as possible, but…it's really all for my own personal enjoyment. Much like my writing in general.

#3

John Houston

I doubt that this is even good enough for the default win, but here goes:

Brock Lesnar lost in his UFC debut against Frank Mir
On 10-14-2004, Frank Mir was a guest on The Best Damn Sports Show which was
co-hosted by John Salley
John Salley appeared as a computer hacker in Bad Boys with Will Smith
On the Fresh Prince of Belaire, Will Smith was almost married by a minister played by Isaac Hayes.
Isaac Hayes appeared in Reindeer games with Charlize Theron
Charlize Theron starred in the Italian Job with Mark Wahlberg.

It's like "self fulfilling prophecy" eh John? Is it just me or does "The Italian Job" sound like the name for Maria's and Santino's yet to be released sex tape. "Oh yes-a Maria…take-a that-a you nasty bitch-a".

#2

Hai Bayani

It's the return of the Mac at 6DO. Been quiet for quite some time after my defeat in the semi-finals of the ‘6DO tournament of mild discomfort'. But the criticism was just too harsh and the blow was just too big. But after seeing the shaming amounts of entries in this weeks column and the two great characters you put in for next week, I… just… couldn't… resist. So I might have some ringrust on me, but I will try to take this one to a respectable finish. Brock to Dirk in 6 degrees!

Brock Lesnar while in OVW was in a Tag Team called ‘The Minnesota Stretching Crew' with ‘The Gold Standard' Shelton Benjamin
Shelton Benjamin for a short time was accompanied by his Mamma, played by actress Thea Vidale
Thea Vidale played a part in the dreadful Jerry Springer movie ‘Ringmaster' as did ‘My Name is Earl'- babe Jaime Pressly
Jaime Pressly starred in the horrible ‘reality-show' horror-movie Cruel World, along with ‘John Connor' Edward Furlong
John Connor is a man aided by a robot in protecting the earth, something similar to the premise of Transformers
The themesong of Transformers: the animated movie is "The Touch", a song that was also perfomed by Dirk Diggler!

McVee

Damn, that was actually very good. I'll admit that the last link with Transformers the movie (great movie, but Optimus Prime >>>>>> Rodimus Prime) and Dirk Diggler was great. You just barely lost out to #1 this week for a rather insignificant reason in fact.

#1.

Hey Bayani,

I felt the urge to throw an entry in to 6DO for some reason this week.

1) In a battle of tattooed monsters, Brock Lesnar faced and defeated Batista in their first ever WWE match at a Live Event n February 2, 2003.
2) Speaking of tattooed monsters, Batista played a bone-eating tattooed monster from the Phantom Zone on an episode of Smallville but was defeated again, proving he is nowhere the quality of villian as Smallville co-star and villian of the piece, Lex Luthor, played by Michael Rosenbaum.
3) Proving that sometimes even bad guys can have a good streak, Michael Rosenbaum also supplies the voice for superhero, The Flash, on Justice League Unlimited, where in one truly awesome episode the Flash swapped bodies with, of all people, Lex Luthor, who is voiced by the equally awesome Clancy Brown.
4) In another instance of the bad guy being good once in a while, Clancy Brown also supplied the voice of heroic Special Agent Captain Black in the series The Jackie Chan Adventures, which featured/starred/etc. the also always awesome Jackie Chan.
5) While being awesome in Rush Hour 2, Jackie Chan had a great scene with Chinese restaurant on Crenshaw owner Kenny, played by Don Cheadle, who delivered a
great line in one of the outtakes reminding us "His name is "Lee", goddamnit!"
6) And while not running questionably legal mahjong games in his restaurant, Don Cheadle once moonlighted as porn actor Buck Swope in a film called Boogie
Nights which centered around a certain Dirk Diggler, played by Mark Wahlberg.

I'd have used Heather Graham but I kept getting distracted thinking of her in those skates. Oh well.

Enjoy Wrestlemania...if you're gonna watch it that is.

Tenchi Masaki

I'll be honest, there was a slight leaning towards giving McVee the ‘duke' this week on his return but I was hanging out with my friend Bernadette this week and was playing pool with some friends and it reminded me of "Pool Hall Junkies" a movie that my friend Bern loves, mainly because she is a HUGE Michael Rosenbaum fan. So yeah. No real reason. But you won. I didn't spoil the surprise of who you wanted to nominate if you actually won this week because…well… yeah. I actually had to google the guy and after the first picture popped up…uh…wow. That's all I got to say about that.

Left Overs…

How long do you think it took Johnny Ace and Steph to explain who the hell Robbie was to Vince McMahon before he got himself in a huff and sent him home? "Wait a damn minute here…when did we hire Grounds Keeper Willie?"

40 people were injured in the final ‘Mania pyrotechnics display a few of which were actually hospitalized. Police and WWE officials are looking for the suspect response for this but so far only have this picture to go by.

Early reports on the TNA video game have available match types as tag, Ultimate X, Full Metal Mayhem, and Free-For- All amongst others. Not making the list however are 6 Sides of Steel, King of The Mountain, Reverse Battle Royal, Rat on a Pole, and Loser Wears a Turkey Costume. There will be some special codes and "Easter eggs" hidden in the game as well. One "Cheat Code" will open up a special level where you have to run, duck, and slide under an opening in the Impact Zone and you will be instantly warped to the WWE Developmental territory in Florida.

WWE will be releasing several games in the fall, among them are SDvsR '09, Santino Kart Racing, Grand Theft Auto: Cryme Tyme, Condemned 3: I'm Robbie, sadly the plans for the upcoming release of "Burger Time 2" had to be scrapped earlier this year.

Recently former PWG Champion and long rumored pedophile Joey Ryan was asked to leave an establishment after requesting the Usher/Young Jeazy song, "Love in this club"… at a Chuck E Cheese.

Now comes the time of year when the "e" teases us with the hope that they will revitalize the Tag Team Division before they leave us frustrated and disappointed after pulling the rug out from under us. Kind of like Valentine's Day to a married man. Unless she shaves that is.

Just to let you know I'm currently involved in negotiations to join "Sweet ‘n Sour Inc". I'll be their personal writer and reviewer as well as the guy in charge of holding the stick with a Twinkie tied to it in front of Bobby Dempsey. Their 401K plan is just amazing. Seriously.

How freaky was it to see how much Frank Trigg looked like Kurt Angle on Impact? I've been saying that for a year now. They are seriously one call to Bolo Yeung away from making a KICK ASS movie where one of them is a rough and tough MMA fighter and the other is a partying bachelor. Sure, one of them is going to have to do the splits in the movie, but they can flip a coin or something. Maybe call it…Double Impact…Zone. Damme right!!

It was reported that TNA turned away thousands of fans from their Impact Tapings…with their booking.

So how quickly till Rocky and Davey turn on Strong and join Larry Sweeney? For a faction that holds all the secondary titles, they sure seem to ‘job' a lot. I think they should change their names to "The Pretenders", not the band, that TV show. You know, where that guy travels across the company each week to learn and do a different job in a different city each episode. Pretty much the same concept here.

TNA is looking to have Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle work a very "MMA-like" match for Lockdown. Joe is looking to bring in elements of Muay Thai and Judo into his moveset while Angle is looking to incorporate freestyle wrestling and Tae Bo. "I'm going to snap your freakin' ankle Joe...rhythmically…to the sounds of Motown Philly…Tomko, gimme a beat". "No".

The Great Booty Debate 2008

Nicole Scherzinger mustered up her mestiza power to eek by Shakira last week and the Asian bitches are back on top. This week I went with a couple of "models". Funny how having a website with pics of your showing off your titties qualifies you as a "model". In that case, someone go let Big Daddy V know he's an official "model" now. Let's see what happens when we pit Tianna Ta vs Pam Rodriguez. Yes, yes, you Latina-philes I did make sure to find a chick with some "cakes" this time:

Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week


These new twist tops are great.

Random Latina Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week


Hey, Plaid to see ya.

Is it appropriate to call an orgy, "sex…with lucha libre rules"?

I am not referring to any instance with a wrestler telling another wrestler he loves him before kicking him and laying on top of him and crying as "spiking the bi-rates".

Holy shit, how bloated did David Flair look on RAW? Apparently he misunderstood and thought his dad was saying, "To BE the man, you've got to EAT the man". And that man is the Burger King.

Pro Wrestling Guerrilla Preview: A Blessing…And A Curse

DDT4 Qualifying Match
- The Dynasty (Joey Ryan & Scott Lost) vs. Claudio Castagnoli & Eddie Kingston
- Chris Hero vs. Roderick Strong
- Los Luchas (Phoenix Star & Zokre) vs. Tokyo GU•REN•TAI (MAZADA & NOSAWA)
- Brandon Bonham vs. Nick Jackson
- Ronin & Scorpio Sky vs. Hook Bomberry & TJ Perkins
- Nemesis vs. Bino Gambino

Hello Kitty® vs. Kuromi®

American Legion Hall
7338 Canby Ave.
Reseda, CA
8:00PM Belltime
Tickets are $20

So let's look at the card: Dynasty/King&Claudio looks like it should be fun, Hero vs Strontg will be good, Luchas vs Tokyo GU-REN-TAI will be interesting, The Drummer from Hootie and the Blowfish vs the Youngest Brother from Hanson will be…there, SkyNin vs TJ Hooker should be passable now that TJ finally stole a personality, and I have this guilty pleasure when it comes to both NEMESIS and Bino, so the whole card looks decent, if not spectacular considering that none of the PWG champions are involved. Then we have Hello Kitty. Good Gawd, I have no idea what to expect but I'm trying desperately to get my friend who is a HUGE Hello Kitty fan to go. Her husband is a big wrestling fan so you'd figure it would be a great opportunity. We'll see, I still hope to see a Badtz Maru run in or at least a Super Hellocanrana to end the match. I'm just wondering if it'll be two people in full on mascot costumes or like two hot chicks in masks and tights. Either way I used to have a buddy who had a weird fetish for chicks in lucha masks. Maybe the Birdman will show up and make a little deposit to the "spank bank". Either way, I guess I have to show up just to see what that spunky little pussy can do. Helllllloooooo Kitty.

Pimpin' In High Places

It's like the "e" just pressed "Do Over" on their programming. Heels fighting with heels, faces beating faces, and someone remembered this thing involving two teams…with two guys on each teams…what's that called again? Sounds familiar, like something that goes down during Spring Break when that sorority girl is HELLA drunk…awww…forget it:

This is where I'd usually give Cook his obligatory plug for Ask 411, but he seems to still be smarting from the absolute beatdown I gave him last week in "Buy or Sell". For those who didn't get a chance to check it out, I'll give you a visual aid. I'm SO pretty.

Jules takes a look back at WM. No Top 10 this time... which means he's totally not livin' his gimmick. What next? Is he going to "shoot" on Corke or Uncle Trunx?

Csonka gives you his 4Rs of ‘Mania. Something tells me they're: Ric, Randy, Right Hook, and.....uh...(R)undertaker. What? That totally works if you imagine him running away from ghosts, eating a big ass sandwich with a whole fish in it, and smokin' out with Shaggy in the back of a van.

So how awkward is it that we now have TWO Andy Clarks here at 411. This one is the new guy running Fink's Payload. The creepy thing about this is that if this progresses into the kind of office romance Slimmer and Small had, then Andy Clark can actually "go f*ck himself".

HH is manned by JP and....a guest host. Not familiar with this guy's work, but so long as it's not a 3rd Andy Clark and I think we'll be fine.

CoH is filled with reviews and previews of RoH's big double shot during ‘Mania weekend. They had a great turn out to no one's surprise. I hear both shows were really good and definitely worth a DVD pick up. Think about it this way, for what you pay for a single DVD you would have paid for the ECW title match, Bunnymania, and the Battle Royal. That's just good economics right there.

Ryan Merholz debuts this week with a dollars and cents look at ‘Mania. Being an Economics students and current Procurement Manager I fully endorse this column. Or at least the concept. You know how we go through newbs in this zone, let's wait till column #5 before we get all worked up.

C-Lan has his Wrestlemania Hangover. Which....wait a second...didn't I do a column called that last year? Well you know what they say, "imitation is the sincerest form of...gimmick infringement".

Undream a little Undream Match with Sforcina this week.

Sammy features Delirious and Ricky Reyes this week. So THAT'S where Reyes has been lately. I just assumed he was called back to the factory to make more Every Lasting Gobstoppers.

You know what the real sign of the Apocalypse is? The "Real World" has it's own award show on MTV. Are you shitting me? Is there a category for biggest sperm dumpster on reality TV, or most likely to end up doing soft porn on Cinemax? I hope so. Seriously, it's enough to make me want to pack up my girl, get a shack in Montana and raise our kids in isolation. Or at least block Mtv. It's really a toss up. Oh yeah, don't forget to check me out next week in the Political Zone as I make my triumphant return to "Fact or Fiction". Yeah, B is gettin' his politic on. Word!!

Till then, the Truth will set you free.

-B