The Happy-Go-Sucky Wrestling Report: 4.23.08

Posted by Steve Sullivan on 04.23.2008

The Ultimate Warrior is returning to wrestling, but why did it take him so long? Plus, Regal is King, The Truth hurts, Jeff Hardy's return date, ROH Tag Title turmoil and more!

On this date, I usually celebrate my own personal independence. It was this date 10 years ago that I received my driver's license and released my fury on the pavement. It was also this date several years ago that I finally removed myself from the clutches of my parents and got my own place. So in esscence, today I celebrate the fact that I am not a nerd living in my parent's basement writing about wrestling. And if you claim that I do, then I celebrate the fact that I have a driver's license and can get in my car and come find you.

Anyway, enough about me. I've got a lot to say today. So let's rassle.


News: The Ultimate Warrior returned to the ring in Spain and is scheduled to wrestle Orlando Jordan in June.



I have been waiting to talk about this for a few days now! First off, for all the insanity that this man has shown in the last few years, I was still one of his biggest fans when I was growing up. Watching him guerilla press and beat Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania is still one of my favorite Wrestlemania moments ever. It has saddened me to watch the guy become what he became. He reminds me a bit of a hermit. A man that once had it all and knew he had it all, then, as if in competition with himself, took it all away to prove a point to himself.

And while thinking heavily about this for awhile, I have developed my very own...

Theory Of A Warrior

Many believe The Ultimate Warrior to have become a lonely lunatic. A man who discovered the security of the Internet to say what he wants to say with no physical consequences.

I see a man who realizes he ruined every opportunity he had to become a Superstar, though in his mind, he WAS a superstar. And when he finally realized he had messed it all up, he slipped into the deadly trenches of denial. And as he sunk deeper and deeper into the deadly pool of denial, the harder and harder it became for him to let go. And with this, a bitter man was born within. And instead of taking the consequence of all the actions he put forth into ruining his career and ruining the chances he had at becoming an immortal superstar, he chose to blame his downfall on the actions of others. And the more people he blamed, the more he wished he could have changed it. But he had an image to keep now. To break that image would mean a nonchalant appology to all those he hurt and even worse, admitting he was wrong.

For awhile, I thought, like many of you, that this guy was off his rocker and he very well may be. But the more I read into the true "Self Destruction Of The Ultimate Warrior", the more I believe that maybe, just maybe, the guy has shown glimpses of sanity and a desire to get back in the ring.

To avoid the constant haunting memories of the wrestling career that could have been, the Warrior tried to distract himself by getting himself involved in the "Real World". Straight shooting politics and speaking harshly against those he disagrees with would give him a "Bad Ass" personna and give off the image of a guy who doesn't give a damn in hopes of scaring people off who may question him and remind him of his tarnished wrestling legacy, his one true love.

When Vince McMahon called Jim Helwig to offer him up a DVD series, something snapped in his head. "They need me. I can still make money wrestling." But, he was too deep into that dangerous pool of denial spoken previously before. If Warrior were to say yes to Vince, he would be giving in way too easily and would come off as "desperate" to be a part of the product again. He has an image to keep. He has to be a bad ass. It's who he is now. If he says no, THEY will have to be the one doing the begging and then HE can gain the upper hand in production of the DVD and possibly, a return.

But the plan backfired. Instead of having the Warrior be a part of the DVD, Vince, knowing the Warrior was a bitter, former shell of himself, used Plan B and made a different DVD, a DVD making fun of the Warrior, humiliating him and thinning out his fanbase. This DVD became a psychological war between Vince McMahon and Warrior.

Vince pushed Warrior deeper into the dark pool, drowning in anger and jealousy. Warrior watched the DVD, watching his glory days right before his eyes and listening, as his peers, those he once may have considered friends, laugh at him, giving perspective into the loose cannon that was The Ultimate Warrior character. He wanted to prove them wrong, but he couldn't. So he did the next best thing he could. Sue them. That will show them. He's a big man now. He doesn't need to do guerilla presses or Warrior splashes anymore. He was changing the world. He was talking politics. He knows how the court system works. He could still get money from wrestling. But that didn't work.

After the lawsuit was dismissed, the Warrior seemingly distanced himself from wrestling. With the 2008 election at hand and his beloved Conservative party struggling, he focused on his blog, looking for a reason to be a bad ass and a reason to bash anyone with a left wing view. His desire to wrestle still burning deep within him, but was still masked with distraction to avoid showing weakness or remorse for his behavior. That is, until a European based wrestling company contacted him.

This was what he had waited for. Someone wanted the Warrior. He had a chance to get back in the ring. He's promised top headlines, top billing. A second rise to stardom after living in obscurity and downplaying wrestling for the past 9 years. The money was there, the opportunity was there, and finally, the desire was there. He would return, to get a chance at that rush again and that maybe, just maybe, he could show Vince once and for all that the WWE needs the Warrior, rather than the Warrior need the WWE, even though, deep within the spirit of the Warrior, the truth remains that both, would benefit from each other.

*End Of Theory*


The fact that the Ultimate Warrior is returning is causing quite a bit of buzz around the Internet. He's not the same Ultimate Warrior you and I remember. He was in a suit. His hair is short, so short there's barely any. And he's 48, far past his prime. Not to say that this will be the Warrior we will see on June 25th, but it's still not the same. And no, we will likely never see The Ultimate Warrior WRESTLE in the WWE again, but I do believe that by getting back in the ring and getting himself actively involved in wrestling again, the Ultimate Warrior can regain that passion he once had for the sport that made him a household name in the late 80's and early 90's. This is a chance for him to drop the bitter attitude and give wrestling fans something they never thought they'd see again, an appearance on Monday Night Raw and possibly, Wrestlemania as a member of the 2009 or 2010 Hall of Fame.

There's no doubt in my mind that if The Ultimate Warrior had left wrestling and the WWE on good terms, he'd already be in the Hall. He was innovative. He was popular. He had more energy and charisma than most of the WWE roster has today. He helped popularize professional wrestling.

Warrior has not mentioned anything about his return on his website. The regular readers expect attitude and a negative outlook toward wrestling, so I don't expect to see him post anything about it for a long time. Either the Warrior will make the NWE look desperate, or he will play it off as though he was bored and found it as a free trip to Spain for a few weeks.

I will end with this though, if you think that the Warrior is not ready to contradict anything he has said in the past in regards to the wrestling industry or anything else he has stood up for for that matter, just remember back to the infamous speech at the University of Connecticut where he said to the student body "Queering doesn't make the world work..."

Ironically, his return match is against Orlando Jordan, a bisexual black male.


News: William Regal won the King of the Ring tournament.

Happy: I'm really glad to see this go to a guy who has never held major WWE gold before. Regal, though a 4 time WWE Tag team Champion, 4 time European Champion and 5 time Hardcore Champion, has only held one title of presitge, the Intercontinental title in 2002. When you think about it, Regal has had a tremendous up and down career in the WWE. He's been everywhere from Lord to Sir, but only now is he King.

He's been GM, commissioner, he's even exposed himself in front of millions of people and Vito. He's nearly died of illness and yet he still continues to return to wrestle. And up until the last couple of weeks, I thought Regal may be finished wrestling and was settling into the role of a non competitive role. But the WWE has done a great job of showing the crowd that Regal still has it. Though the matches he was in were short, Regal was shown to be as tough as nails, defeating a former Cruiserweight Champion, a former United States Champion, and a former ECW World Champion to gain the crown. Not bad for someone who used to team with Eugene.

Regal will wear the crown better than anyone else in that tournament could. With the King of the Ring title under his belt and the ability to book himself in any match as Raw's General Manager, William Regal has the chance to push himself as a super heel, something Raw is desperately lacking. Though the WWE title picture is currently crowded, Regal can get the push through the midcard. A feud with Chris Jericho and an IC Championship reign will really help push the Regal character out from behind the desk and into the open. And with Jericho slated to wrestle for the WWE title later next month, expect Regal to be the one that takes it away from him in the next week or two.

Go Sucky: A lot of people think this is a bad idea. One, Regal is old and over the last few years, has been the "butt" (get it?) of pranks in the WWE. He has no credibility due to that. Many people remember Regal's last championship run was with a mental handicapped grown man named Eugene. Many remember Regal wearing a dress, getting harassed by Vito, babysitting Hornswaggle and most importantly, becoming the charter member of the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club. To many, the King of the Ring throne is an instant path to a World title and to give it to William Regal would be similar to allowing Doink The Clown win it. Can you imagine? King Doink?

While this may or may not be true, the WWE needs a heel like William Regal. Super heels are not easy to come by right now, and King William can easily pull off the gimmick, as shown on Raw. I think this not only gives a fresh character to the Raw roster and the midcard scene, but will eventually lead to some really interesting angles.

By the way, has anyone noticed that William Regal and Samoa Joe have the same entrance music? I need that music to play everytime I come to work. Apparently you reach the top when that brass hits!

News: Based off of early information, many inside WWE are predicting 1.1-Million buys for WrestleMania, with 700,000-800,000 of those being North American PPV buys.

Happy: I know the WWE was going for much higher numbers but I have to say that if this number holds true, then Wrestlemania was a HUGE success given many factors surrounding it. First, ratings were actually DROPPING close to Wrestlemania, which to me, was a really bad sign for the buyrates this year. Second, it was a lackluster card. I'll argue this until I turn blue if I have to, but there wasn't enough on this year's card to make me want to spend the 60 dollars they were charging. Yes it was Flair's last match. Yes Taker's streak was on the line and yes Floyd Mayweather was MILDLY intriguing, but it was all predictable! We all knew that Flair was going to lose, that the Undertaker was going to keep his streak, and that Floyd Mayweather would find a way to beat The Big Show.

The fact that even though it was a predictable, unhyped show, it still pulled in about a million buys. Which just goes to show that wrestling fans are the most loyal fans in the world. Even though they didn't beat the record, the WWE can smoke a fat cigar for pulling in these types of numbers.


Go Sucky: With all the money they spent on this show, you know they were hoping for larger numbers. I honestly think it was Floyd Mayweather and the press that came along with having him on the card that helped pull in several thousand buys. But it's the fact that Floyd Mayweather will likely never be in a WWE ring again will hurt the WWE in the long run. They didn't do anything to capture these new potential fans who tuned in to see how Mayweather did. They offered them nothing afterwards. So I really think the WWE dropped the ball on a big chance to run away with some huge momentum.


News: There has been a directive to up the involvement of African Americans on WWE TV. The marketing department has noted a downturn in African American viewing since 2006, and over the last year the company has lost the Boogey Man (injury) Monty Brown, Booker T, Sharmell, Krystal Marshall and Bobby Lashley.

Shelton Benjamin, Elijah Burke, MVP, Mark Henry, Teddy Long, Kofi Kingston and Big Daddy V remain, although BDV is out and has been directed to lose 50lbs for health reasons. Many feel this is why Cryme Tyme was brought back.

There was actually a big fight to get Kofi Kingston on ECW, as the higher ups in creative were negative on him, but due to the directive, he got the spot. Shelton Benjamin was moved to ECW initially because Dusty Rhodes really liked him and he was slotted to win the ECW Title. His push was halted, and Chavo Guerrero got the title. Benjamin was to be part of a trade, with Elijah Burke moving to Raw. Brian Gewirtz never had any ideas for him and Stephanie McMahon eventually just vetoed the trade, and only moved Benjamin.


I don't want to go too deep into this because I don't want to give anyone the chance to turn this into something it shouldn't be. But I'm glad to see this implemented. Bobby Lashley was the last African American World Champion. And if my history is right, and it usually is, Booker T and The Rock are the only other African Americans to have held a World Title in the WWE. And currently MVP is the only African American holding any type of title in the WWE right now.

I for one really enjoy Kofi Kingston on ECW. I know he's gaining a lot of popularity and a stint on ECW has been perfect for him. He's learning as he goes and I can see him learning at a fairly quick level. He can only get better and what better place to earn a small fanbase while learning how to wrestle than ECW? Isn't that it's purpose now anyway?


News: Ron Killings suffered a shoulder injury at the March 8th house show. He had previously been bothered by the shoulder, and due to the injury was pulled from the European tour. He returned to action last night in a dark match.

Happy: Ron Killings wrestled in the dark match last night and won so apparently the injury isn't too severe. I'm still pretty anxious to see him make his TV debut, which, if he can stay healthy, which is apparently a major issue for him right now, shouldn't be much longer.

Go Sucky: It's a shame that he didn't make the European tour. Though I doubt he would have got any TV time, he still would have had an opportunity to work with some other talents and show WWE creative what he's capable of. You have to admit, he's come a LONG way from his K-Kwik days.


News: Jeff Hardy's return is set for the May 12th Raw in Detroit.

Happy: I'm sure Jeff is really looking forward to getting a paycheck again after the crazy ordeal he went through. Hopefully he's been able to clean himself up and take a step back and look at his life. He's lucky to even have his life. He's lucky to have his job. Jeff Hardy is a very lucky man. When Hardy returns, he needs to play like he's in the bottom of the ninth with two outs in game 7 of the World Series. This is his last pitch. It's going to take awhile to get back where he was prior to his suspension, but he can get there. Jeff Hardy has to earn trust from the powers that be and this time, he can't blow it. And if Jeff isn't ready for that type of pressure or responsibility, then he needs to admit that and just be a midcarder the rest of his career. He has too many fans and too many people depending on him to allow him to ruin his life and career with a 3rd strike.

Go Sucky: I had really high hopes for Jeff. I've said this once and I'll say it again, Jeff Hardy will never be trusted with a major push like he got late last year into early this year. I'm afraid it's only a matter of time before we see the last Jeff Hardy swanton.


News: There was a lot of debate in the ROH offices today about what to do with the ROH World Tag Team Titles. Jay & Mark Briscoe won the belts for the 5th time on 4/12 in Edison, NJ. However, Mark was viciously attacked last Saturday in Chicago Ridge, IL by The Age Of The Fall. The attack saw Jimmy Jacobs stab Mark in the wrist, causing severe ligament damage. Mark will undergo surgery this Friday and will be out of action for 3-6 months.

ROH officials decided that it was unfair to strip Jay Briscoe of the titles. After exploring several different possibilities, it has been decided that Jay will be able to pick a replacement partner and continue to defend the belts.


I will honestly admit that I don't know a whole lot about Ring of Honor, but that I am a big fan. I've seen a couple of the pay-per-views and I know that the Briscoes are huge stars for ROH. Losing Mark Briscoe is a huge loss for ROH. But I'm glad to see that ROH is doing something different and giving their fans an "excitement factor" in the form of "Who's It Going To Be?" The WWE and TNA, in times like this, would simply "vacate" the title and offer them up to midcarders in need of TV time.

For Ring of Honor, this will hopefully spark some completely new feuds for ROH and continue to add to their ongoing buzz across the wrestling world.


News: Monday night's 3-hour edition of Raw scored a 3.0 cable rating.

Happy: There's not much to be happy about if you're a WWE staff member. But, if you look at the regular 2 hour show, the average was a 3.2 or 3.3, which has been average the last few weeks. The first hour, the first rounds of the King of The Ring tournament, did the worst and really brought the show down.

Go Sucky: Rumor has it that the WWE ditched its WWE draft lottery for the King of The Ring tournament, which was basically decided on 10 days prior to its announcement last week. And you can tell that this tournament was pretty much thrown together. The matches were WAY too short to grab anyones attention. During a big 3 hour show, you really hope to get people hooked again. Especially since Raw was going head-to-head with jack squat. But the 5 and 6 minute matches weren't enough to keep people's attention. Remember classic "Gold Rush" matches like Shelton Benjamin vs. Shawn Michaels? THAT is what the WWE needed out of this show, not 7 of their best midcarders jobbing out to the General Manager. And while I still think that Regal will be a great King of the Ring, I don't think it holds well that nobody tuned in to see him win it.

Happy-Go-Sucky World Title Contenders
Changes in bold.


WWE Champ: Randy Orton
#1 Triple H
#2 John Cena
#3 JBL
#4 Chris Jericho
#5 William Regal

World Heavyweight Championship: The Undertaker
#1 Edge
#2 Batista
#3 The Big Show
#4 MVP
#5 Finlay

ECW World Champion: Kane
#1 Chavo Guerrero
#2 C.M. Punk
#3 Shelton Benjamin
#4 Elijah Burke
#5 Kofi Kingston

TNA World Title: Samoa Joe
#1 Kurt Angle
#2 Scott Steiner
#3 Christian Cage
#4 Sting
#5 Booker T

The Happy-Go-Sucky Time Portal
Changes in bold.

1 Year Ago 4.23.07

WWE Champ: John Cena
WWE World Heavyweight Champ: The Undertaker
ECW World Heavyweight Champ: Bobby Lashley
WWE IC Champ: Santino Marella
WWE US Champ: Chris Benoit
WWE World Tag Team Champs: Matt & Jeff Hardy
WWE Tag Team Champs: **NEW** Deuce & Domino (Defeated Paul London & Brian Kendrick 4.20.07)
WWE Women's Champ: Melina

TNA World Champ: Christian Cage
TNA X Division Champ: Chris Sabin
TNA Tag Team Champs: Team 3-D


5 Years Ago: 4.23.03

WWE Champ: Brock Lesner
WWE World Heavyweight Champ: Triple H
WWE IC Champ: None
WWE US Champ: None
WWE World Tag Team Champs: Kane & Rob Van Dam
WWE Tag Team Champs: Team Angle
WWE Women's Champ: Trish Stratus

TNA World Champ: Jeff Jarrett
TNA X Division Champ: Kid Kash
TNA Tag Team Champs: Jerry Lynn & Amazing Red

10 Years Ago- 4.23.98

WWF Champ: Stone Cold Steve Austin
WWF Intercontinental Champ: None
WWF Tag Team Champs: New Age Outlaws
WWF European Champ: Triple H

WCW Champ: **NEW** Randy Savage Defeated Sting (4.19.98)
**NEW** Hollywood Hulk Hogan Defeated Randy Savage (4.20.98)

WCW US Champ: **NEW** Bill Goldberg (Defeated Raven 4.20.98)
WCW TV Champ: Booker T
WCW Tag Team Champs: The Outsiders

ECW Champ: Shane Douglas
ECW TV Champ: Rob Van Dam
ECW Tag Team Champs: Chris Candido & Lance Storm

15 Years Ago- 4.23.93

WWF Champ: Hulk Hogan
WWF Intercontinental Champ: Shawn Michaels
WWF Tag Team Champs: Earthquake & Typhoon (Natural Disasters)

WCW Champ: Vader
WCW US Champ: Dustin Rhodes
WCW TV Champ: Paul Orndorff
WCW Tag Team Champs: Steve Austin & Brian Pillman (Hollywood Blondes)

ECW Champ: Don Muraco
ECW TV Champ: Jimmy Snuka
ECW Tag Team Champs: The Suicide Blondes