Truth B Told 4.24.08: Prime Directive

Posted by Bayani Domingo on 04.24.2008

So this is the part where I comment on the “African American Directive” by the WWE. Because I’m probably the darkest dude in the Wrestling Zone so it kind of falls to me. Hoo-Rah.

There has been a directive to up the involvement of African Americans on WWE TV. The marketing department has noted a downturn in African American viewing since 2006…

That was the news blurb this week and so far it hasn't sparked a whole lot of controversy mainly because it is something we already know. Wrestling is not exactly known for being the NAACP when it comes to workers and pushing wrestlers of color, but then again wrestling has managed to just chug along and make money so most people can't complain too much. Remember kids this is about $$$ and not any kind of social commentary on racial equality, let's remember that. Even in "real sports" there are serious disparities when it comes to the racial make-up of a team's roster. Do you realize there are about as many African Americans in baseball as there are in the WWE and TNA combined? The number of Black coaches and quarterbacks (considered "thinking" positions) in the NFL is way below what many would expect considering the general make up of most rosters. To be honest I know there are like two dozen Black hockey players in the NHL but I couldn't name more than maybe 3 or 4. Then again I don't follow hockey. Mainly because the only Asian guys "on ice" are the ones that piss off the Yakuza.

"Racial Parity" is more like "Racial Parody" in wrestling. You end up with a lot of racial stereotypes that appeal more to the misguided and naïve natures of the fans in the "boondocks" then you do to the people who actually represent that culture. Elijah Burke is a loudmouth and brash heel, Cryme Tyme are small time ‘hoods', MVP is an overpriced athlete. I don't have the greatest faith in the WWE when it comes to bringing in more Black viewers for the simple fact that they just can't seem to book wrestlers of color very well for very long with a few exceptions. When you look at the modern wrestling era The Rock and Eddie Guerrero are really the only two wrestlers of color to achieve any real sustainable success over the years. While you could argue that Bobby Lashley was on the way I think his appeal was far less wide reaching than Eddie and Rocky's were. The Rock really transcended race in the way that he was multicultural and they also dropped any real references to his ethnic background after he left "The Nation", he was seen simply as a charismatic and popular wrestler and not a charismatic and popular Black/Samoan wrestler. I believe his success really did pave the way for other wrestlers of color, or would have if there were more around to get pushes.

While The Rock appealed to a wide audience I think a lot of Black and Samoan fans were especially proud to see him achieve such levels of success. Before that in the WWE there had never been a Black World Champ and the only Samoan champion, Yokozuna, was billed as being from Japan so they didn't even get full credit. Now a day I can't see the "e" putting the title on the "Samoan Savage" due to his limited marketing appeal, although it didn't stop them from giving Khali a run. They also would be hard pressed to re-push Shelton Benjamin, MVP, Burke, Mark Henry, or even BDV back up to serious contendership after they've all been recently or not so recently relegated to JTTS status. Even if they did I fear they would have to either water down the character to make him more palatable or make him such an outrageous stereotype that it would be almost a slap in the face. I could just see Shelton winning the World Heavyweight Title using the "Crossface Fried Chicken Wing" and then celebrating afterwards after the ring crew tosses him two Grape Sodas to chug.

Eddie Guerrero's success came on the heels of the recognition that not only was he a great wrestlers and a charismatic figure, but he was a success story and a great human interest story in the way he turned his life around. Eddie's title reign not only brought the sport some "goodwill" but also helped spike the interest in the WWE of Latinos everywhere. Growing that market was considered a big coup considering that Mexican and Latino wrestlers very rarely were pushed to such lofty status in the WWE. Not since the days of Pedro Morales has a Latino been able to gain such wide ranged fan adulation and respect. Then again Pedro was probably never as popular as Eddie was in his day, even up to Eddie's death. Since that day I think the WWE had tried to capitalize more on his actual death than the gains in Latino interest as they used it as a catalyst to push Rey Mysterio to the World Title…of course we all know how poorly that title reign went as it was one of the worst in modern day history with the poor booking. Now we look back on Eddie's legacy and we have Chavo's heel turn and ECW title reign gone awry after a squash by Kane and Eddie's widow having kayfabe sex with one of Eddie's friends. I wonder how great the numbers are in the Latino demographics.

I will admit that I personally find that wrestling for me does become a little more personal when I see an Asian wrestler being pushed or featured. I'm half Filipino and half Korean, meaning I root for Batista and Jimmy Wang only half the time. The fact that Batista's Filipino roots only get mentioned once a year when they actually tour the Philippines seem a shame to me and there is absolutely nothing Filipino about the guy what so ever except his tattoo. Now if he changed his finisher to the "Pancit Down Powerbomb" or used a Small Package roll-up renamed the "Balikbayan Box", or even had them unroll a plastic runner during his entrance that went down to the ring before he left his shoes on the apron, THEN we're in business. Jimmy Wang Yang is basically a parody for the masses to laugh at as he is more of a "haha, look at the stupid Asian boy thinking he's a cowboy" rather than some point of pride or representation of his heritage. Which by my count has included him being Chinese in WCW and Japanese in the WWE. I have to look towards the Indies or Puro for my inspiration.

With B-Boy recently retiring I feel like the strongest Filipino wrestler out there is gone. Only TJ Perkins, Scott Lost (both Mestizo) and Shiima Xion remain. Neither of which I have particularly any allegiance to especially considering neither even SOUND like Filipino names. I'm a big Dragon Gate fan mainly because they have PWG ties, but also because it's great to see an Asian wrestler so prominently featured. Having some ethnic allegiance really does play a part in who I root for, I think it does for a lot of people. In fact there are a couple guys I see at PWG shows a lot (we'll call them TnT) and we actually keep score for every pinfall our respective races get. Luckily for them Human Tornado is champ right now and TJ is a jobber, otherwise they'd be in trouble. I think the "yellow man" is probably behind right now in the standings…until Dragon Gate comes to town again. I really do connect a lot of wrestlers who share my same ethnicity and race not because I'm "racist or prejudiced" against other wrestlers who are White, Black, or Latino, but mainly because there are so few of them that I feel like maybe my support will make a difference. When you come from an "underrepresented minority" like I do you feel good when someone from your side makes good. I don't think it's any different than rooting for a wrestler who is from your hometown or went to the same school you did. It's a matter of connecting with a wrestler in a small way and having an instant reason to relate to them and cheer for them. While this doesn't mean that I root for every Asian wrestler I do tend to give them more benefit of the doubt until they give me a reason to change my mind. Trust me, even if there was a new Fili-rean wrestler on Smackdown from Seattle it wouldn't guarantee my support of them if they wrestled like Heidenreich. I might give them a week longer than most, but it would be inevitable.

I feel like this is probably a shared experience for a lot of wrestling fans of color. Black kids want to see Black wrestlers win matches and belts, Latinos look at wrestlers like Chavo and Mysterio and cheer for them to win, Cavemen hold up their rocks with a stick figure painted on it with woolly mammoth blood that says "Lo Kee" and cheer with pride when he stalks out from behind the curtain and enters the ring in his Ronaldo soccer shorts. It's only natural to feel some connection with them. That's not to say that they will only cheer wrestlers who share the same heritage, but it's always something that is in the back of their minds because it's rare to see successful wrestlers of color period. I think for all of the title reigns that involved minority wrestlers they were either fairly short or cut short out of no where. King Booker was wildly popular during his reign and even Monty Brown in TNA was a crowd favorite yet Booker lost his title unceremoniously and the Alpha Male never got his due. Forget about the "social implications" of having successful champions of color, it's all about the dollar bill.

The real question is whether pushing more Black/Latino/Asian wrestlers will result in more or less money for the "e" or even the "T". Did anyone ever remember a big ratings or buy-rate scare during Booker T, Lashley, Eddie, or Mysterio's title reigns? I don't think you can really correlate any drop in "gate draws" to a minority holding one of the world titles. When you think about it didn't it seem like the WWE title, which is considered the BIGGEST prize in the industry, seem to end up on Caucasian wrestlers more often than the WHT? Eddie won the title in 2004 and held it for 4 months, prior to that it was 2002 when The Rock last held it. That means that since The Rock held the title the "Biggest Prize in the industry" has been held by a minority wrestler for a total of 4 months out of over 5 and a half years. The "lesser belt", the World Heavyweight Title, which belonged to WCW has seemingly been the "colored belt of choice" for the most part. Almost like a "training belt" but so far no one has been able to graduate to the bigger title. What I think this really means is that either the "e" doesn't do a good job of pushing wrestlers of color to the "top level" or that they think they might not be a big enough "Draw" with the fans who can't "relate" to them. Or maybe it's just coincidence? That does happen in wrestling right?

Then again maybe this is more a byproduct of the lack of Black wrestlers period. Look around the Indy scene and you'll see how few Black wrestlers there really are. Hell, can you name even more than ONE Black wrestler in RoH who is currently a permanent part of the roster? So far it's Ruckus and…well…the occasional Human Tornado appearance, maybe Eddie Kingston for a bit, I guess you could count half the Briscoes, so that makes one full Black Briscoe. There just aren't a lot of Black wrestlers anymore, or actually there never have been. Perhaps it's because culturally and in most communities if a Black youth is found to be athletic he is pushed into legitimate sports. I've heard people say they had "played" their way out of the ghetto, but no one ever says, "I shooting star pressed my way out of the hood". Except for AJ…sometimes he forgets to take that thing off. But then that's just me making a general statement about why there might not be a huge pool of talent of Black wrestlers in general. Who knows if that's just coincidence…but remember that even the half Black Briscoes had football scholarships.

I think this has been glossed over by some fans while others seem to be a bit uneasy as this "directive" seems like wrestling's version of "Affirmative Actions". Now I'm no expert on Affirmative Actions but I know that it was a darn good principle and idea that was poorly executed and enforced, at least in my opinion. The big difference is that "Affirmative Actions" as based on social and socio-economic equality where as the "Directive" is based fully on economics. I bet you if most businesses, colleges, and institutions were told they could make more money by hiring more ethnic minorities then "Affirmative Actions" would have sailed through. The main arguments against "Affirmative Actions" however do not necessarily hold true for the newest "Directive".

The biggest issue most felt with "AA" was that some felt that "inferior candidates" were being accepted into college or hired into positions because they were simply minorities where as more qualified White candidates were being left out in the cold. I think the biggest fallacy with that argument is that it implies that the average minority candidate would not be as qualified as the White candidate. The idea was that if all things are equal, exactly equal, that the tie goes to the ethnic minority. So to speak. My main argument against that line of thinking is that if you can't find a "qualified" candidate of color then you aren't looking hard enough or in the right places. When you apply that to the world of wrestling I think you can see how "opportunity" does exist and "qualified candidates" do exist amongst wrestlers of color, however the problem is that many do not have the support to succeed.

I would argue that anyone currently on a WWE roster is a "qualified candidate" so that takes care of that. You have to have at least some measure of talent, charisma, and ability to be called up or signed to a roster so that really makes "opportunity" less of a factor. The biggest thing is "face time" and "sustainable pushes", which are two things that Black wrestlers really haven't gotten a whole hell of a lot of outside of ECW. One great example I see is that when Benoit mysteriously missed his match at Vengence it wasn't Elijah Burke who replaced him in the Title match with CM Punk, but Johnny Nitro. It really didn't make any sense the way Nitro got his way into the match and especially since Burke was supposed to be the "new face of ECW" and had already put some much time and effort into his feud with Punk, but it didn't matter, Nitro was champion and since then Elijah Burke has floundered. You have to ask yourself if Burke is any less talented in the ring, any less charismatic, or any less competent on the mic. I don't think so, in fact I would argue that a Burke title reign would have been just as successful or even more so than Nitro's. In fact why was The Miz able to secure championship gold before Burke? When you can't even beat up The Miz for a championship title you know you're screwed.

I look at Shelton Benjamin as another example of a "qualified candidate" who got screwed because when you look at the last two ECW champions, Chavo and Kane, is it really any more beneficial for them to hold a title than it would be for Shelton? Are Chavo and Kane putting any more butts in the seats than Shelton would? Shelton has always been pushed only so far, just to have it all taken away from him again. In fact it looks like he was just recently pushed even further down the ladder as he took a clean loss to Kofi Kingston, perhaps the next great, "almost, but not quite" Black wrestler in the WWE. When you look around the company you see that only 1 wrestler of color has a title at the moment, MVP. MVP was on his way to stardom after his feud with Matt Hardy was heating up but lately he's been jobbing left and right to the main event guy and even took a clean loss to Jericho recently. It looks like his star has lost a bit of shine, for someone who started so strong and improved in the ring it's hard to imagine what transpired to make the WWE decide he didn't need "protecting" anymore. I also wonder if the new "Directive" only applies to the "B" and "C" shows as I recall only seeing 1 and a half Black wrestlers on RAW this week…if you count Layla as the half. ECW on the other hand was RIPE with Black folk…and a half Korean. Hell if you believe the rumors then maybe "Creative" on RAW just doesn't know how to ‘book Black people'…eh Gerwitz?

I would hate for the loss of Monty Brown, Bobby Lashley, and Booker T to be some sort of a twisted way for bookers or writers to decide that Black wrestlers just aren't reliable enough and that is why they aren't being pushed. In all three cases there was something different that made them want to leave the "e". I think part of the problem is that you have a good segment of Black wrestlers who have potential (Shelton, MVP, Burke, Kofi) but all fit the profile of "great athlete" but not enough exposure and a sustained pushes, then you have the four-some that make up the ridiculous and satirical (Cryme Time, Big Daddy V, Mark Henry) who no one can really take seriously or get behind as they are basically un-relatable characters. I don't know one single wrestling fan who says, "yeah, JTG is JUST like the guys I know back in the hood", get the hell out of here with that Nelly-Cent lookin' Muthaf*cka. I don't believe Cryme Tyme was ever meant to play to Black audiences, but rather White audiences who don't know any better, who don't know that it's really just an exaggerated parody of how they think some Black people act. Besides, if it was based in reality, according to certain people *coughAmoscough* JTG and Shad would have raped at least 2 or 3 of them diva bitches by now right?

Speaking for myself I know that having more Asian wrestlers on TV would make me watch more WWE or TNA, but it wouldn't keep me watching unless they were successful. There is no point having 10 Black/Latino/Asian wrestlers on every brand if they are all jobbers. No one wants to watch their own kind get beaten and disgraced every week. While I'm not sure that pushing an MVP or Burke is going to translate into higher ratings, more PPV buys, or more merchandise I don't think it would hurt to find out. Even if you start slow I think having a Shelton or Burke beating Kane for the title might be a good middle ground. I'm not talking about letting Mark Henry squash the Undertaker at Wrestlemania I'm talking about letting a brutha have the "C" title. While the Lashley era wasn't all that successful it had more to do with him being unrelatable to most fans and not being particularly charismatic or …vocal. Of course it doesn't help that with the exception of Cryme Tyme and Kofi all of the rest of the "serious" wrestlers are "heels" but then again that's another socially/racially charged column for another week. Makes you think though doesn't it? Why are most Black wrestlers more successful as "heels"? Okay, enough of that. Look people, this isn't rocket science, all you have to do is push a group of already competent and skilled wrestlers into a greater role in the company. We're not talking about Kofi beating Cena, just a little ECW title reign for Elijah or Shelton, or maybe a Tag Title, it's not like Cody and Bobcore are bringing anymore to the table than Shad and JTG could. But hey, I think it's about time to expand the pie. Let's see if we're going to see an "eclipse" on the horizon for WWE. *Yes, it ISN'T possible for me to end a column about race without making a racist joke*

The Truth

Like I said before this is all about the economic gains the "e" can get from upping a demographic, not about any sort of racial commentary on the sport. There are subtle things they can do that would help them sell a few more shirts and PPVs that wouldn't turn the world of wrestling on it's ear. It's not like I'm asking to push Shad for WWE Champion, but how about letting MVP look like a star and not a "Jobber to the Stars"? It's not like most of you haven't thought that Shelton or Elijah wouldn't make good ECW Champions and you have to wonder how someone who helped write an entire Leprechaun bastard son angle can't find something spiffy for Burke on RAW? TNA didn't seem to have a problem making Black Machismo a household name, Consequences Creed seems to be off to a good start, and Amazing Kong has been an absolute beast. Why can't the "e" pick up some of that magic? Personally I feel a bit disappointed that I only have Jimmy Wang Yang and Gail Kim to root for, but then again its clear wrestling doesn't cater to Asian American fans. Hell, most of America doesn't, why else do you think you never hear about which candidate is getting the support of the "Asian American Community"? I think this "directive" is all just talk and nothing is going to change. Wrestling will still cater to children and rural Middle America and we'll still have the evil foreigners, dancing Black folk, and occasional comedy Asian or lawn mower riding Mexican. Things don't really seem to change in wrestling…just the way we look at it. Don't believe the hype people…this is only a false alarm.

Coming Up Short

Look, I am as much of a William Regal fan as the next guy, but I can't believe they jobbed out CM Punk to him clean in the KotR. To me winning the "King of the Ring" should be a stepping stone to something greater and while Regal is deserving of such a push I don't for a minute believe the WWE is going to put one of the two belts that matter on him. So far Punk has lost cleanly to the IC champion and now the eventual "King of the Ring", for me it just makes Punk look even more pathetic and so far this has been the second most disappointing booking for a MitB winner since Kennedy put his title shot on the line for absolutely no reason. If they don't start pushing Punk as a more legitimate threat to ANY title soon they are going to risk coming up short on his momentum.

6 Degrees of…



Tenchi Masaki is racking up win after win this year and he's quickly becoming the Double C or Mark Satrang of 6DO in '08. Looks like we have a new favorite for this year's tournament:

I've been totally pumped with the return of Battlestar Galactica for its final season and as such I've got Cylon on the brain. So I'm going to go with the hot Asian Cylon, Grace Park, for my pick.

Sure we've featured Ms. Park a handful of times already in this column, but every time I see that chick I want to get a handful of…um…nevermind. Well this week we'll link up my sexy little Korean Killer Android/Humanoid to another Knockout with a killer body…



Angel Williams, aka Angelina Love. My newest TNA crush, and I'm not even really into blondes, but I'll be damned if I wouldn't eat steak off that stomach. Plus...if you look right below her waist. AHHH...she Gotcha!! Well there you go kiddies, let's see if we can't get a little more competitive this time around.

Whatchu talkin' bout readers?

John Reid weighs in on his thoughts about title worth:

B,

It just seems to me that these days titles don't mean as much in the WWE as they have decided to go full blast with the "sports entertainment" route. Basically they have taken the wrestlers who either a) move the most merchandise or b) have the backstage stroke and place them in World title feuds. Also, they have made the other belts absolutely worthless. So what if Hardy beats MVP for the US title, when's the last time MVP's beaten anyone? Also, who would really want to go after Hardy for that belt?

Don't get me started about their pathetic tag team situation. Didn't Cryme Tyme become #1 contenders over a year ago but never got a title shot? Alas, the King of the Ring will be nothing more than filler while they mix and match feuds between the four guys fighting at Backlash. If the WWE doesn't care about their mid-card/tag team titles why should we?

The main reason we watch wrestling as fans is to see at the end of the day 1) entertaining matchups and 2) championships. Say what you will about TNA, I give them credit for making every title have importance to them, and the #1 contender matches mean something. I still don't think they have enough championships for their mid-carders, but that's another rant for another day.

I know the biggest gripe I hear about the WWE AND TNA are the title situations. For the WWE they really could use the titles to push guys and make mid-carders into future main eventers but for the most part they are accessories. It's like a pair of glasses or wrestling boots a wrestler takes to the ring with them and then is quickly forgotten as champions eat pin after pin to other mid-carders or main event guys. I think the real purpose of the titles are to give us a reason to make us care about mid-carders, but they don't put any stock into the titles that they are supposed to care about, then why are we supposed to care when they finally win it? To me it just seems like the "e" has gotten way too top heavy and TNA is just now trying to find a decent balance with their belts. Hopefully they'll bring back the prestige of those tag titles that they haven't had since LAX lost them.

6 Degrees Results

#3

Iron Man (2008) includes the Iron Man character.
Samuel L. Jackson has an appearance in Iron Man (2008)
Samuel L. Jackson played John Shaft on Thursday, June 15th 2000 at WWF SMACKDOWN!
That SMACKDOWN! show was headlined by The Rock vs Kurt Angle
Kurt Angle battled HBK at WrestleMania 21

Not sure how many you want to count that as, but there you are.

Thanks,

Joe Fino

Well, um…there were some degrees there but it seemed like really only 3. Not bad, but a little short this time Joe.

#2

Tenchi Masaki

Hey Bayani,

Here we go again.

1) Besides being the current director of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Avengers founding father, and serving in the Cabinet of the President of the United States in the Marvel-verse as Tony Stark, that Shellhead Iron Man is also secretly a member of the elusive Illuminati along
with Marvel's resident mystical big-wig Dr. Strange.
2) Dr. Strange once recruited a band of vampire hunters to help him fend off the terrors of Dracula and the undead vampire legions, forming a group known as the Nightstalkers (technically Borderline Investigations Inc. as part of their cover) comprised of Hannibal King, Frank Drake, and one half-vampire superhuman hunter known as Blade, who was portrayed in the major motion picture trilogy "Blade" by one Wesley Snipes.
3) Perhaps in preparation for his ass-kicking, vamp staking role, Wesley Snipes gets fit and stays in shape by using the Total Gym, a fact he shared during one of their many infomercials, of which the main celebrity spokesman is Chuck Norris.
4) Chuck Norris, perhaps coming off of a workout high from his Total Gym, appeared at the 1994 Survivor Series where he thrust kick Jeff Jarrett square in the chest so hard, it sent him into the future where...
5) Jeff Jarrett landed in WCW and found himself as part of the nWo 2000 faction alongside Bret Hart.
6) This is the same Bret Hart who defended, and ultimately lost the WWF Championship, in a 60-Minute Iron Man Match at Wrestlemania to the then "Iron Man" of the night, Shawn Michaels.

This was an extremely complete entry but I tend to give a handicap to recent winners otherwise this one probably would have taken the top spot. Also the #1 spot this week went to the most innovative of 1st links…you'll see.

#1.

In a surprise this week I actually awarded the first prize to a "commentor"…lazy, shiftless, not e-mailing "commentors"…Hrrmph:

6DO: Can't resist an opportunity to give a shout-out to my favorite wrestler
and my favorite band:

1) Iron Man is a song by Black Sabbath, fronted at the time by Ozzie Osbourne.

2) During Ozzie's solo career, one of his bassists was Robert Trujillo.

3) Robert is the current bassist for Metallica

4) Metallica perform Seek and Destroy, at one point Sting's entrance music.

5) Sting and Bret Hart were both involved in the debacle that was the main
event of Starrcade '97

6) Shawn and Bret were in the Iron Man Match main event at WMXII.

Met 'n Bret

So the tricky part is figuring out who this is and validating it's actually the same dude. Oh well. I actually gave this the win over the more complete version because of the first link and not actually using the literal "Iron Man" as the first step. Good show. Now let's see what you got for next week.

Left Overs…

I love how committed that McCain was to pandering to the wrestling fans, as if to say, "Hey, look at me, I'm 99 years old but I'm hip and know the ‘lingo', vote for ME!!" it was like a weird kind of cartoon that felt like a weird flashback from "Family Guy", I kept waiting for him to say, "If you think that the war isn't doing it's job over there in the middle east then all I have to say is 9…*GASPS*…11…*CHEERS*".

Who would have thought that Umaga was such a staunch Conservative? Really that "down ‘do" he was wearing had "Liberal" written all over it.

Was anyone else hoping that Mo' was going to rap the entrance music for Obama?

I'm confused now in RoH, is Lacey pregnant or not? Who is she pregnant by? And why hasn't anyone addressed Bobby Dempsey's obvious "condition"? He looks like he's going to pop out twins any day now.

I read a report lately that said Ron Killings was hurt but would return to doing Dark "e" matches soon. That's just some racist ass bullshit right there.

Does anyone else get the feeling that if you IM'ed Joey Styles enough he'd totally be overusing certain ‘Net Speak?
t_B_told (8:50:06PM): Sup? I hear they got a pinkberry opening up on the promenade, you wanna go check it out?
JoEyCWstyles (8:50:15PM): OMG!!!!!!!!
t_B_told (8:50:29PM): Um…it's just some FroYo dude, should I pick you up or what?
JoEyCWstyles (8:50:38PM): OMG!!!!!!!!!
** t_B_told Signed Off (9:50:41PM)**

So now we have a "heel" Schizophrenic and a "face" Schizophrenic on TNA? You have two guys with duel personalities in TNA and you can't even find one to loan to Mike Adamle once a week on Tuesdays? How fucked up is that?

I hear Ric Flair has a hot wife…and why not? If there is one thing that man knows how to do it's WOO the ladies.

The Great Booty Debate 2008

I believe we have another tie this week. clearly this section is losing steam and we may go back to the standard one chick a week format, we'll see what we can do this week though so we'll throw together CJ Miles representing the Asian bitches and…some random girl I found on google, Fernanda Ferrari. Viva la Internet!!

Random Asian Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week



Damn, you realize I eat off that thing right? Oh, the counter too.

Random Latina Bitch Lookin' Good Pic of the Week



Yeah, I can't afford a Ferrari either.

I hear Florida Championship Wrestling doesn't have public bathrooms. Wow, looks like the audience is going to have to take a dump in the ring…just like every time Kevin Thorne wrestles a match.

So Steiner's newest "Favorite Freak" is in trouble for not signing all her trading cards like she was supposed to and possibly having someone else do it for her. Upon seeing all of the poorly written and unmatched trading card stickers Jeff Jarrett was reported as dropping to his knees and yelling, "KHAAAAAAAAAAN!"

Rumors have it that Michael Hayes is on suspension for saying something inappropriate to Mark Henry. Luckily Terry Gordy and Buddy Roberts are also eligible to serve his suspension for him.

Pimpin' In High Places

So the plugs are back this week, don't expect they'll come back next week though as I'll be traveling to the Bay Area and spending a full week in Concord learning a new computer system that I'll have to train a bunch of 50 year old people that still get confused that "floppy disks" aren't actually floppy anymore. They also thought "Hard Drive" was hosted by Chris Matthews on the week nights:

Ask 411 raises a triumphant tasseled fist into the air at the return of Warrior Warrior McWarriorstein. Seriously, the man who coined "Queerin' don't make the world work" is going to wrestle Orlando Jordan. It's like Tom Cruise wrestling sanity, or Steve Cook wrestling sobriety.

Jules has his top 10 Flair matches…because we just can't seem to let go of the Nature Boy can we?

J-West switches up his column format again. According to him. Which I'll take his word for since I can't remember what the damn thing looked like before this week, then again he has banners…which sadly my column lacks. Seriously, I'm firing my intern when I get back from travel next week.

The Hub takes a dip in the puro pool this week. Hopefully he doesn't swim into the "warm spot".

Chin covers Steel Cage Matches this week. I'm only pimpin' him this week since Ashish posted the new "Asian American Directive". Which states that we need to get more Asian readers, columnists, and Bukkake films.

CoH takes a look at the bearded ball of fan known as Kevin Steen. Sadly Steen got Passed Over for RoH world champion. Oy Vey!!

I'm looking out for another newb this week and I'll go ahead and recommend the Wrestling Dr. as he takes a close look at the TNA Knockouts. Unlike when Small and JP went to the Impact tapings it isn't through a hole in the backstage dressing area.

Berman features the AoTF's debut this week on the IMC. Mainly it involved emo kids and hobos beating up on alcoholic rednecks. Like a really weird episode of "The State". Man, I miss that show…I wanna dip my BALLS IN IT!!

D-Dubya couldn't stay away for long and is back this week with his take on the Brand Extension. Was it the fact that he secretly craves to see his name on google as the 45th most viewed Daniel Wilcox on the internet? Or did he finally give up his dream of writing the world's greatest gay porno script ever? I only have 3 little words for you D-Dub…"Don't Stop….BELIEVIN'!!"

It was a weird week in wrestling this week. it seems like the WWE is confused when it comes to figuring out what a "Push" really is and TNA can't seem to just leave well enough alone and let sleeping "Super Eric's" lie. RoH put on a reportedly good slate of shows and unfortunately it seems there has been some collateral damage as Mark Briscoe was Kayfabe and real life injured and now is no longer RoH Tag Champ and will not be in the DDT4 tag tournament next month for PWG. PWG is replacing the Briscoes with Team 2.0 who I'm not familiar with but some ‘fanboys' seem to be wetting themselves. I don't know how good they are but you just can't replace the Briscoes with a team that even the BIGGEST Indy geek has ever seen and feel good about it. Hopefully a "commentor" will enlighten me as to their talents. All in all a pretty full month in May coming up and perhaps I'll save up some money for that swank "Kitty World Order" pink singlet I've been eyeing. *Sigh* a man can dream can't he?

Till then, the Truth will set you free.

-B