The Happy-Go-Sucky Wrestling Report: 4.30.08

Posted by Steve Sullivan on 04.30.2008

The Ultimate Warrior challenges Vince McMahon, Triple H is champ...again, Orton messes up...again, Foley on the mic, and next month's ROH Title match.

Welcome back one and all to the most interesting named reports on the internet!

Just on a personal note, if I say anything about buying a house or moving or trying to do any kind of manly home improvement project again, please hit me in the head with a lead pipe.

With that being said, if I don't make any sense in today's report, it could be due to one of two things. One, the lack of sleep and the extra amounts of physical labor I've put forth lately, or two, watching all kinds of Ultimate Warrior promos to prepare for the first story of this report. That's my excuse and you can deal with it!

Anyway, I'm not going to waste a lot of time here because it would seem as though I have some braggin rights!


News: The Ultimate Warrior comments that he would like to wrestle Vince McMahon at Wrestlemania 25.

Happy: I'm happy only because I'm right. I believe I can officially say, "I told you so." Let's relive some of what I wrote last week, just in case you missed it.

Vince pushed Warrior deeper into the dark pool, drowning in anger and jealousy. Warrior watched the DVD, watching his glory days right before his eyes and listening, as his peers, those he once may have considered friends, laugh at him, giving perspective into the loose cannon that was The Ultimate Warrior character. He wanted to prove them wrong, but he couldn't. So he did the next best thing he could. Sue them. That will show them. He's a big man now. He doesn't need to do guerilla presses or Warrior splashes anymore. He was changing the world. He was talking politics. He knows how the court system works. He could still get money from wrestling. But that didn't work.

His desire to wrestle still burning deep within him, but was still masked with distraction to avoid showing weakness or remorse for his behavior. That is, until a European based wrestling company contacted him.

This was what he had waited for. Someone wanted the Warrior. He had a chance to get back in the ring. He's promised top headlines, top billing. A second rise to stardom after living in obscurity and downplaying wrestling for the past 9 years. The money was there, the opportunity was there, and finally, the desire was there.

He would return, to get a chance at that rush again and that maybe, just maybe, he could show Vince once and for all that the WWE needs the Warrior, rather than the Warrior need the WWE, even though, deep within the spirit of the Warrior, the truth remains that both, would benefit from each other.


Can I call it or what?

As I said last week, I was a huge fan of the Ultimate Warrior. I had the action figures. I had the pillow doll. In fact, I broke my bed giving him a piledriver! I was there for many house shows. I was there for Wrestlemania 8 when he returned to beat up Sid and Papa Shango! I have no problem to admitting that I was and still am an Ultimate Warrior mark.

And because a bunch of you are going to take me the wrong way, let me make this perfectly clear. I DO NOT want to see the Ultimate Warrior return to wrestling full time. 10 years ago..sure! 5 years ago..maybe! Now, Nope!

What I do like to see is that The Ultimate Warrior seems to be interested in the product again. For years we've literally seen the man "Self Destruct". From his blow up at UConn, to the blogs he posts on his website that attacks the business and those who are in it.

This is a guy who really helped put "modern" wrestling on the map. True he never got out of the shadow of Hulk Hogan, but with an ego like that, who could? Perhaps it was a wrong place wrong time type of deal? What would have happened at Wrestlemania 8 had Hulk Hogan left as was expected to? And with The Ultimate Warrior coming back? Could we have seen another 5 or 10 years of the Ultimate Warrior basically carrying the WWF? I mean who else could have? Bret Hart was a young up and comer at this point. Jake The Snake Roberts left for a few years after WM8. The Undertaker was bouncing around on the midcard. That left Randy Savage. Between these two, that was it. Even the heels at that time in the WWF could not really provide much.

But since Hogan stuck around, what use did The Warrior become? He never held another title after his Wrestlemania victory over Hogan. He was just, there. And why do you think he was there, even though he would never win another title?

Because he was a draw. And at this point, after being gone for so long, the name of the Warrior would still be a big draw, mainly for guys who, like me, grew up watching him and remember how fun the character was.

So would a match between Vince and The Warrior draw buys? Damn right it would. It would give us all a chance to see something we never thought we'd see.

Go Sucky: However, as much as I'd like to see Warrior return to the WWE product in more of a management or commissioner role, that would require him to speak. And if there's anything we have all learned, it's that the Warrior isn't exactly...audible...at times.

Not only that, the guy has an ego the size of Jupiter. Everything would have to be on his terms and his terms aren't exactly....normal. For example, you may remember this classic clip. THIS was the Ultimate Warrior's thinking.



Although, I have to say, I'd love to see The Boogeyman vs. The Ultimate Warrior. Book it!


News: Triple H won the WWE Title at Backlash.

Happy: I'd like to think that I'm surprised but I'm really not. Which is good because I can honestly say for the first time in months, Raw's product is a bit unpredictable. I really don't know what happens from here. I don't expect Triple H to hold the belt for too long, given that HOPEFULLY tending to his 2nd child is more important than representing the company as its champion.

On top of that, there's a ton of guys on the roster who could very well be WWE champion. JBL, HBK, Cena, Orton, and Jericho, they're all there and ready. Cena should nearly be done with his movie. Orton may take some time off for his first child. JBL and Jericho both returned to help carry the company. I think it's great to have guys like Triple H carrying the torch for awhile, given that Raw's ratings aren't exactly...great. But I think seeing guys like Jericho or JBL or even HBK have the title and be the official star of the show may help dig Raw's ratings out of the grave it's digging itself.

Go Sucky: I think the fact that Raw has so many huge stars on it right now is the reason why Raw is struggling. The main event scene is really crowded. And while I understand that Triple H is a guy who might be able to help Raw's ratings, he's been the champ 12 times now. It's old news! And while it's been awhile since he's been the champ, barring his short reign at No Mercy, I just don't think it's what viewers want. I think it's time to try something different, and in order for that to happen, they need to put the strap around someone different.


News: Randy Orton had another incident on the recent European tour. Orton was upset that the hotel staff woke him up earlier than he scheduled. Orton then put clothes on, took his food from room service, went down the hall and threw the food on the staff that woke him up. Orton reportedly laughed after the incident and went back to his room.

I can't help but to wonder if this was one of the reasons the WWE pulled the title from Orton after letting him keep it at Wrestlemania. It's apparent that Randy Orton apparently hasn't grown up. And he put on a damn good performance for awhile. He even had ME convinced he had changed.

I'm sure Orton probably thought he was being funny, but in fact, he made himself look like a total brat. It's like a mother waking her son. He didn't want to wake up so he came down and threw a hissy fit, thinking he was funny.

This will hurt Orton's future for awhile. Expect him to take some time off, mainly due to the birth of his first child. And when he comes back, expect to find him midcarding. Hopefully being a father can do something to make this kid become a man.

News: Rey Mysterio is being advertised for Smackdown House Shows in June.

Happy: Good news for Smackdown! Hopefully this is the end of Rey's bad luck streak! There are several feuds that Mysterio could get involved in. One feud I see in particular is Rey vs. Big Show. And while that may seem a bit...I don't know, unfair, it could actaully turn into an interesting feud. The old cliche David vs. Goliath battle. Should be interesting to see if the WWE puts them through a long feud, given they went through a smaller one back when they both wrestled in WCW.

Go Sucky: The fact is, when he gets back, he will likely continue to get stuck in matches like this where he faces a great chance to get hurt. Rey Mysterio is not getting any younger and its showing. He seems to get injured every 9 months or so. Rey needs to accept some newer limitations to his body. And unfortunately, by accepting those limitations, it will take away the style we've come to love from Rey Mysterio.

In this particular case, Rey needs to think about his future and his health AFTER wrestling. If he continues to do this to himself, he's not going to be able to walk when he's 40! And if the WWE continues to put him in matches where he faces a higher risk of getting injured, then yeah, he's going to go on the shelf again.

News: WWE released Balls Mahoney and Dave Taylor.

It's never a good thing when someone loses their job, but, let's face it, neither of these two had really provided much to the show in the last few months. Balls Mahoney had a nice run in the new ECW for a few feuds. And heck, he got to see Candice and Maria roll around on the ground naked! That right there is enough to call it a career!

As for Dave Taylor, I'm pretty disappointed to see that he did not get his chance to truly bloom in the WWE. They brought him in to team with Regal which promised to be a really good technical tag team that would bring a tougher style to Smackdown's tag team division. But then Taylor got injured, Regal went over to Raw and from that point on, there was never a future for Dave Taylor.

Both men are great wrestling veterans and both will make some good cash wrestling in the indies.


News: Mick Foley replaced Jonathon Coachman on the Smackdown announce team.

Happy: Anytime Mick Foley is talking on my TV, I enjoy it. The man can entertain and I think will work pretty well with Michael Cole. Not only that, but with him at ringside at each event, perhaps we'll get a chance to see the occassional match, a la Jerry Lawler, who tends to get himself involved whenever he gets the itch to wrestle. One way or the other, having Foley on Smackdown can only help the sound of the product in my personal opinion.

Go Sucky: If you're Jonathan Coachman. He is just not cut out for this, and it's apparent. He's been removed twice from a broadcasting position. He's great at play by play for football, but apparently, wrestling is just not his thing. I still think Coach should be on one of the shows in some sort of capacity, but obviously the announce table is just never going to work for him.


News: Nigel McGuiness vs. Claudio Castagnoli for the ROH Title will headline ROH's Hammerstein Ballroom show in New York City on 5/10.

I haven't watched a ROH show in a few months, but if this one ends up on one of the PPV's, I'll probably order this. Nigel's reign has been a lengthy and tough one. He's beaten the best ROH has! Who else is left? We may very well be on the verge of another Samoa Joe type reign here. And the fact is, Nigel has done all this while recovering from a pretty bad injury shortly after he won the title from Morishima. Many people questioned if Nigel had what it took to be an ROH Champion, and I can't help but to believe that he has proven himself to everyone, and then some.

I've watched Castagnoli wrestle a couple of times and have enjoyed his matches, but I don't know if this is the guy who can carry ROH with all the steam it has going for it. Who's to say he'll win though? I have a really powerful feeling here that given the history of the location, the timing, and the circumstances, that this may be the end of Nigel McGuinness' title reign.



Happy-Go-Sucky World Title Contenders
Changes in bold.


WWE Champ: Triple H
#1 Randy Orton
#2 John Cena
#3 William Regal
#4 JBL
#5 Chris Jericho

World Heavyweight Championship: The Undertaker
#1 Edge
#2 Batista
#3 The Big Show
#4 MVP
#5 Finlay

ECW World Champion: Kane
#1 Chavo Guerrero
#2 C.M. Punk
#3 Shelton Benjamin
#4 Elijah Burke
#5 Kofi Kingston

TNA World Title: Samoa Joe
#1 Kurt Angle
#2 Scott Steiner
#3 Christian Cage
#4 Sting
#5 Booker T

The Happy-Go-Sucky Time Portal
Changes in bold.

1 Year Ago 4.23.07

WWE Champ: John Cena
WWE World Heavyweight Champ: The Undertaker
ECW World Heavyweight Champ: **NEW**Vince McMahon (defeated Bobby Lashley 4.29.07)
WWE IC Champ: Santino Marella
WWE US Champ: Chris Benoit
WWE World Tag Team Champs: Matt & Jeff Hardy
WWE Tag Team Champs: Deuce & Domino
WWE Women's Champ:**NEW** Mickie James (defeated Melina 4.24.07)
**NEW**Melina (defeated Mickie James 4.24.07)

TNA World Champ: Christian Cage
TNA X Division Champ: Chris Sabin
TNA Tag Team Champs: Team 3-D


5 Years Ago: 4.23.03

WWE Champ: Brock Lesner
WWE World Heavyweight Champ: Triple H
WWE IC Champ: None
WWE US Champ: None
WWE World Tag Team Champs: Kane & Rob Van Dam
WWE Tag Team Champs: Team Angle
WWE Women's Champ: **NEW** Jazz (Defeated Trish Stratus 4.27.03)

TNA World Champ: Jeff Jarrett
TNA X Division Champ: **NEW** Amazing Red (defeated Kid Kash 4.30.03)
TNA Tag Team Champs: Jerry Lynn & Amazing Red

10 Years Ago- 4.23.98

WWF Champ: Stone Cold Steve Austin
WWF Intercontinental Champ: The Rock
WWF Tag Team Champs: New Age Outlaws
WWF European Champ: Triple H

WCW Champ: Hollywood Hulk Hogan Defeated Randy Savage
WCW US Champ: Bill Goldberg
WCW TV Champ: **NEW**Chris Benoit (defeated Booker T 4.30.98)
WCW Tag Team Champs: The Outsiders

ECW Champ: Shane Douglas
ECW TV Champ: Rob Van Dam
ECW Tag Team Champs: Chris Candido & Lance Storm

15 Years Ago- 4.23.93

WWF Champ: Hulk Hogan
WWF Intercontinental Champ: Shawn Michaels
WWF Tag Team Champs: Money Inc.

WCW Champ: Vader
WCW US Champ: Dustin Rhodes
WCW TV Champ: Paul Orndorff
WCW Tag Team Champs: Steve Austin & Brian Pillman (Hollywood Blondes)

ECW Champ: Don Muraco
ECW TV Champ: Jimmy Snuka
ECW Tag Team Champs: The Suicide Blondes

Until next week my friends, may your lives be Happy...or Go Sucky!